What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Wearing sunglasses and a huge fur coat, Lucy kisses a keycard, and lets herself into a room at the MetroCourt. She tosses her stuff on the couch, and takes off her glasses. Lying on the bed in his robe, Martin says, hello, gorgeous. He tosses her a rose, and says, a little hot in all that fur, isn’t it? She tosses the rose back, and says, yes, it is. And it’s about to get a whole lot hotter. She takes off the coat, and we can safely assume she’s wearing nothing underneath it.

On the phone, Valentin says he knows the deal, and he’ll do what has to be done… no matter what it costs him.

At The Savoy, Sonny asks Nina, is this seat taken? and she says, it is now. He sits across from her, and asks how she’s doing. She says she’s doing all right; how’s he doing? He says, girls night out, no? but she shakes her head, saying, Britt had a hard day. He says, it’s going around, and she says, Aunt Liesl got a better offer, but she wasn’t ready to go home yet. He says he’s glad she stayed, and she says, her too. Actually, she’s surprised he did. He asks what she means, and she says, he hasn’t spoken to Michael tonight? He says, no, why? and she says, then he doesn’t know. He says, know what?

Carly asks if there’s been an update, and Willow says her mother woke up, so she’s taking it as a good sign. Carly says, that’s positive, and Michael says, they’re hopeful. Willow says, they’re taking her off the respirator. Maybe she won’t lose her mother after all. TJ comes out of Harmony’s room, and Willow asks, how is she?

Maxie says she wants to see Austin tomorrow, but Georgie and James have activities and she needs to bake. Or throw herself on the mercy of Eckerd’s for four dozen cupcakes, which will most likely clean them out. He says, it’s okay. If she doesn’t want to hang out tomorrow night, just say so. She says she does want to hang out tomorrow night. She doesn’t want to ask her parents to babysit two nights in a row, and doesn’t want to have him over, and risk her kids having a meltdown on him. He says, she doesn’t have to convince him of anything, but it does sound like she’s trying to convince herself a bit. She says, of what? and he says, that she’s too busy. Maybe two nights in a row is too much too soon.

Finn and Elizabeth kiss, and she knocks over her phone. She jumps, saying, what was that? and realizes it’s nothing. She apologizes, and says she just got carried away, but he says he likes when she gets carried away. He kisses her again, and she says, being here with him, she’s not thinking about the house or being scared. It’s really nice. He says he’s glad she feels safe here, and she says she feels safe with him. They kiss some more, when her phone rings. She says, sorry, it’s Cameron, but she’ll just be a minute. She answers, and says she’s okay… Finn’s here. He doesn’t have to worry about her.

Maxie says, maybe Austin is right. Going out two nights in a row doesn’t seem like that big a deal, and it wasn’t, until she had kids. She’s not going to say she’s a different person now. She’s still her, just her with less me time. He says he gets it. He’s in no way equating medical school with being a parent, but medical school is really time-consuming. Everybody tells you that, and you think you understand that, but you don’t, until you’re in the middle of it and realize it’s been weeks since you had a minute to yourself, and could lay down in the grass and look at the sky. Time wasting becomes a memory, and spontaneity a thing of the past. She says, very perceptive, and he says he’s super smart. She says, very true. She used to be a spontaneous person. Probably too impulsive; it got her into trouble a couple of times. He asks if she misses it, and she says, sometimes, but she wouldn’t trade the life she has now in a million years. Something like going out and having a good time just so she can do it again the next night doesn’t seem practical, and that defines the difference. Now when she thinks about going out, she has to figure out if it’s practical or not. He says, if this were just about time management, that wouldn’t be a problem, but it seems to him that she’s just looking for an excuse to push him away.

Basking in the afterglow, Lucy says, she’ll forgive Martin his long absences if he promises to greet her like this every time he returns. He says he would have been back sooner if at all possible, and she asks, how’s his mom? He says, his mother’s fine. Could they not discuss her while they’re naked? She says, point taken, and he kisses her. She asks if she told him how very, very, very much she missed him, and he says he thinks she just did. The feeling’s mutual, and he is sorry he missed her big Deception IPO launch. She says, her too; it was an amazing experience. It would have been better if he’d been there. She just wasn’t quite sure how lucrative the IPO was going to be. He says, yes she was, and she agrees. It was so glorious to be proven right, and does he know what the other best part is? Besides oodles and oodles of nice cash, they can stop hiding their relationship. He says he still doesn’t think Valentin would like the idea of him being seen with his wildly successful business partner, and she says, who cares? Martin doesn’t need him. She’s wildly rich. He says, why, Lucy Coe, are you suggesting I’m going to be a kept man? She says she’s going to be hobnobbing with the rich and powerful, and she’s going to be able to throw all kinds of clients his way. He says it’s a gracious and generous offer, but he likes to be in control of his own destiny. Not to mention his personal life. She says, if this isn’t about the money, why the hesitation? Does he not want to go public with their relationship?

Nina tells Sonny, she hates to be the bearer of bad tidings, but Harmony, Willow’s mother, got into a terrible accident. She’s in the ICU right now; she might not make it. Willow and Michael are at GH, and she’s sure she wouldn’t be welcome, but he should be there. He says he doesn’t think he’d be welcome either.

TJ says, Willow’s mom is breathing on her own. She’s being given supplemental oxygen, and she’s in and out of consciousness, but it’s to be expected. Her mom is still in critical condition. They had to cut her surgery short because she’s hypotensive. Hopefully, she improves through the night, and they can go back in tomorrow and complete the surgery. Willow asks if she can see Harmony, and Michael adds that it might help Harmony to hear Willow’s voice again. TJ says, that’s true. He’d never doubt the power of a mother’s love, so Willow can go in – alone. But it’s vital that her mom remains calm. Any stress could cause a setback she might not recover from.

Maxie says she’s not pushing Austin away. That being said, she did just spend the last year of her life in abject fear of Peter, so she might be extra cautious about meeting someone new. She also might be misreading red flags. And green flags, and checkered flags. She’s really out of practice. He says, that’s a lot of flags. The last thing he wants to do is replace Peter as a source of dread in her life. She says, he’s not; she enjoys spending time with him. He thanks her for saying both of those things, but maybe she’s just starting to realize it’s too soon for something new.

Lucy says, wearing disguises and meeting in hotel rooms has been very titillating, but she thinks it’s time to ditch the wigs, and put their relationship on blast… unless of course (🍷), he really doesn’t want to be seen with her. He says, that’s not it at all. Having her on his arm would be a source of pride, but that pride would dissipate if she was paying his way. Call him a neanderthal, but it’s just not the way he feels. She says, he’s not a neanderthal. He’s a gentleman, and he’s very, very charming, but it would be nice to eat out and not order room service. He says, she’s right. He’s not going to take her money, but he thinks he’s done kowtowing to Valentin. She asks if he means it, and he says, hell yeah. If Valentin doesn’t like it, too bad. He can always find another client. He just doesn’t think he can find another her. She kisses him, and they get busy.

Sonny tells Nina, he and Michael had a fight, and things were said that can’t be forgotten. She says, or forgiven? and he says, they’re over; they’re done. She says she doesn’t believe it. She knows how much he loves Michael. There has to be hope for a reconciliation. He says, his son disrespected him, and that’s something he can’t easily forgive. She says, those are tough words. She knows how painful it is for him. He says, so she knows him. It’s strange that Michael and Willow are going through this big life event. They don’t know if Harmony is going to live or die, and can’t pick up the phone. No on can give him a call. He knows it’s not his place. Speaking of place, it looks like this place is going to be clear soon, right? Then it’s just going to be the two of them.

Willow tells Harmony that Dr. Ashford says she’s doing great; keep it up. Don’t push herself; rest. She’ll be right here when Harmony wakes up. She doesn’t understand what happened tonight, but wants Harmony to know, whatever it was, they’ll get through it together. Willow loves her.

Michael thanks TJ for letting Willow go in, and TJ says, he knows what it’s like waiting for your mom. All that detached medical training goes out the window. He says he’ll be back, and leaves.

Harmony opens her eyes, and Willow says, it’s okay. She’s here. It’s going to be okay. There was an accident, and Harmony was hit by a car, but she’s at GH right now, and they’re taking really good care of her. Harmony makes a noise, and Willow asks if she’s in pain. She says she’ll get a nurse, but Harmony says, Willow. She’s so sorry.

On the phone, Finn says he loves Violet… He loves Uncle Chase too… Sure, she can tell him. He’ll see her in the morning. On another phone, Elizabeth says, they’ll talk in the morning. She loves him. Finn asks if Cameron is at the dorm with his friend, and she says, yeah, he’s fine. Are Chase and Violet having a good time? Finn says, they’re camped out in the living room as they speak. She says, remember when they went camping? and he says, they should do it again; he liked camping with her. They kiss, and her phone dings. She says, she’s so sorry, and looks at her phone. She says, it’s Aiden. He’s still worried about Franco’s ghost. She should call him. Finn says he understands. He’s going to go, but he’ll be right next door; just bang on the wall if she needs him. She knocks on the wall and laughs, telling him to take the extra key in case she bangs on the wall in the middle of the night. He says, latch the door anyway, and kisses her, saying, she’s so beautiful. He leaves, and she locks door. Her phone rings, and she says she was just going to call, but he beat her to it. We see the latch at the top of the door is undone.

In the elevator, Lucy asks if Martin is sure tonight is the night for them to go public, and he says, it’s overdue. They’ve been hiding out too long. The doors open and they see Valentin, who says, Martin is back, and getting cozy with his business associate. He asks how Lucy is, and she says, cozy. Martin lifts his hand up entwined in Lucy’s, and she says, they’re dating. Valentin tells him, you don’t say.

Maxie says, Austin makes a valid point. Between transitioning Bailey into her family, juggling the schedule of three kids with her work schedule, and the IPO, and getting out of the havoc Peter wreaked in her life, a new relationship is the last thing she should be thinking about. He says, fair enough. He doesn’t want to rush her into anything she doesn’t want, but they started off being friends. Maybe they could go back to being friends. She says, the hell with that, and kisses him.

Nina asks if Sonny is drinking club soda, and he says, he told her, he’s cutting back on his drinking. She says, that’s great, and asks how he feels. He says, great. His workouts are incredible, and his energy… He smiles, and she says, oh boy, watch out. She’s glad he’s taking care of himself. She wants him around a very long time. He asks if she’s going to make his sticking around worth it, and she says she’ll do her best. He says, here’s her chance, and takes off his jacket. He says, dance with me.

Michael sees TJ with a bag of something from the vending machine (pretzels?), and says, that’s not dinner. TJ says, it’s portable, and theoretically more nutritious than potato chips. He asks how Willow is holding up, and Michael says, she’s in with Harmony, and Carly is waiting outside. Willow knows about his mom and Alexis. TJ says, that has to make it harder for her. He understands about a difficult relative you’re not sure of letting in your life completely. They have his sympathy. Michael asks how he genuinely cares about someone who tried to kill Molly’s mom, and TJ says, first of all, he took an oath about doing no harm, but beyond that, it comes down humanity. People who do bad things, people we don’t like, are still people. It’s not his job to judge; it’s his job to heal. If he ever crosses that line, it’s time to put down his stethoscope. Michael says, TJ is a better man than he is, but TJ says, don’t give him too much credit. He feels things, but he has to do his part. As for Harmony, she’s proven to be a fighter. If she gets through this, he’ll have done his part, and she’ll ultimately have to face the consequences for her actions. Michael says, but would that really be for the best? He’s thinking of Willow… TJ says he hears Michael, but isn’t it better that Willow have a chance to talk to Harmony about what happened, rather than Harmony dying, and Willow’s questions being left unanswered?

Willow tells Harmony, she needs to stay calm. Should she get a doctor? Harmony says, no. She loves Willow. Willow says she loves Harmony too, and Harmony says she’s loved being Willow’s mom. Willow says she’s glad they reconnected, but they have more memories to make. Harmony says, Wiley, and Willow says, Wiley loves his grandma. She has to get better to make a bunch of memories with Wiley. Harmony says, no, but Willow says, she’ll see Wiley again. She just has to rest. They’ll figure everything out and find a way to make it better. Harmony says, I have to… have to tell…

Elizabeth comes out of the shower, looks around a moment, then screams for Finn. Finn runs into her room, and sees that the couch pillows are ripped up, and everything is a mess. He asks if she’s okay; what happened? She says she doesn’t know. She was in the shower; she didn’t even hear anything. What’s going on? Why is this happening?

While waiting outside Harmony’s room, Carly flashes back to reading Neil’s papers, and telling Harmony, this is what she meant by Willow not being hers. She remembers saying, Willow isn’t Harmony’s biological daughter, and Harmony coming after her with the syringe. Michael says, mom? and Carly asks if the vending machine fare in his hands is for her. He says, they are, and she grabs them, thanking him. He asks why she’s so distracted, and she says she was remembering Harmony attacking her.  He says he was just talking to TJ, who’s got this Hippocratic Oath that helped clarify things, but he doesn’t think he can ever forgive Harmony now. Thank God Carly is okay. Carly says, sore, but okay, and he says he knows Harmony is Willow’s mom, but he can’t help thinking Willow is better off without her. Carly says, it’s going to be difficult for Willow, and Michael says, if Harmony survives, she’s going to be facing criminal charges. It’s hard when a parent betrays your love. She asks if he told Sonny what’s going on, but he says, no, and he doesn’t intend to. She says, no matter what happened between her and Sonny, she wants him to have a relationship with his father. He says, as she knows, Sonny put Nina first, ahead of his family, so he doesn’t want Sonny’s support. He doesn’t want anything from Sonny.

Martin says he’s proud to confirm that he and Lucy are indeed keeping company. However, he can assure Valentin that his clients are never the subject of pillow talk, and Valentin can rely on the same discreet service from him that he’s always had. Valentin says, oh yeah? What if he still feels uncomfortable with his lawyer and close business associate getting involved? Martin says, then he’ll be very sorry to see Valentin go, but he can’t allow anyone to dictate his personal life.

Maxie says, Austin makes her happy, and he says, she makes him really happy, but he doesn’t want to be the guy she feels she needs to make excuses… She asks if he’s done talking, because she thinks they were in the middle something. She pulls him down on the couch, and he says, maybe they should finish what they started. They kiss, and Georgie comes out, asking, what’s he doing here?

Harmony says, tell… you… and Willow says, she has to stay calm. Alarms start going off, and Willow says, please mom. Harmony says, Willow… TJ runs in, and grabs the hospital phone, telling them to page Dr. Carver stat. He tells Willow that she’s got to go, and Willow backs out of the room, saying, it’s going to be okay. She and Wiley will be waiting for Harmony. She comes out, and tells Michael that Harmony was trying to say something and spiked. She asks Carly, whatever it is, just tell her. Please.

Sonny puts Nina’s drink down, and they slow dance. N’neka and another bartender watch.

Carly asks what Harmony said, and Willow says, Harmony said she loved her, and she was sorry. She wanted to say more, but she was getting upset. Maybe she remembered what she’d done to Carly and Alexis. In the chapel, Carly told her what happened, but not why. That’s what she doesn’t understand. Carly says, they’ll have plenty of time to talk. Right now, Willow needs to focus on her mother. TJ comes out, and says he talked with the attending, Dr. Carter. He agreed Willow’s mother only needs a sedative. TJ administered it, and she’s resting now. Willow asks if she caused that because Harmony was trying to t talk to her, but TJ says, no. Harmony’s condition remains critical. It’s important she rest. Michael suggests a walk and some fresh air, but Willow is hesitant to leave. Carly tells her, a walk and air can do wonders. Go with Michael, and she’ll let Willow know if Harmony wakes up; she promises. Willow agrees, and leaves with Michael, and Carly tells TJ, Willow thinks Harmony remembers what happened at Rumble in the Jungle Point, and that’s why she’s upset. He says, if that’s the case, it’s another good sign cognitively. Right now, their most urgent concern is how much damage Harmony’s body sustained when the car hit her. His phone beeps, and he says, excuse him; he has to consult with Dr. Carter. He leaves, and Carly looks through the window at Harmony.  

Valentin wishes them both the best, and Martin asks if Valentin is still on his client roster. Valentin says he hopes so; near the top. Valentin says he’s happy for both of them, and Lucy says, thank you, partner. She promises it will be smooth sailing from now on. Valentin says he’ll continue to be happy if he can count on her support at ELQ, and she says, under his leadership, ELQ has prospered. She has no plans of withdrawing her support at all. Valentin says, then sail away. Excellent news all around. Enjoy their evening. He gets in the elevator, and Martin says, Lucy is one shrewd customer. She says, shut up and kiss me, and he does.  

Maxie asks what Georgie is doing out of bed, and Georgie says she can’t sleep; she’s hungry. Austin says he should go, and Georgie agrees. Maxie says, wait, and tells Georgie, please be nice to her friend Austin. Austin says, it’s no big deal. He totally understands. Georgie didn’t expect to see him when she got up. Maxie says she has to get this girl back to bed, but Georgie says, no. Austin says, he definitely needs to go.

Elizabeth says, she came out of the shower, and found everything like this, and Rory says, she heard nothing? She says, no, and the room was empty. Finn says he didn’t see anyone in the corridor when he came over; he’s right next door. Rory asks if door was open or closed, and Finn says, it was closed and locked; he had to use his key. Rory asks, what about the security latch? and Elizabeth says, Aiden called and she got distracted. She doesn’t think she latched it. Finn says, so anyone with a keycard could have entered.

Willow tells Michael that a breath of fresh air helped, but she doesn’t want to be far from the ICU. He says he understands, and asks if he can get her anything, but she says, just stay with her. He says he’s not going anywhere, and she says she keeps wondering what Harmony was trying to tell her. Why did she attack Carly and Alexis? It makes no sense. She keeps turning over all kinds of scenarios. He tells her not to do that; she’ll drive herself crazy. We can’t know what we don’t know until we do. She asks if Carly said anything more about what happened tonight.

Harmony opens her eyes, and motions for Carly to come in. Carly looks around, and goes into the room. Harmony asks, did you tell? and Carly says, Willow knows Harmony tried to kill her and Alexis, but she doesn’t know why. Willow doesn’t know Harmony’s not her birth mother. She didn’t hold back for Harmony; she held back for Willow’s sake. She’s got a helluva lot going on right now, but she deserves to know the truth.

Sonny and Nina continue to dance. He holds her tight.

Elizabeth and Finn walk into the restaurant, and Elizabeth says, it’s nice to be around other people. She sees Lucy, who comes over, and says, what’s going on? Is Elizabeth okay? Elizabeth says, Lucy knows she’s staying here for a bit, and… Finn says, someone broke into her room, and Lucy says, at the MetroCourt? That’s horrible. With everything that’s been going on, she’s so sorry. Finn says, the police are investigating, and Lucy suggests they join her and Martin, but Elizabeth says, they’re just getting some tea. Lucy says she needs whiskey in that tea, and insists she and Finn join them. Elizabeth says, she left her phone in the room, and the boys might call. Finn says he’ll get it.

Maxie tells Austin, she’s sorry they got interrupted, just when things were getting interesting. He says, they have plenty of time, and she says she likes the sound of that. He’s about to touch her face, when Georgie demands more apples. They say. goodnight, and he leaves.

Finn goes to the room, ducking under the police tape, and says, anything? Rory says, he reviewed the security camera footage at the time of the incident. Unfortunately, this room was out of camera range, but he can confirm no one exited or entered the elevator or stairs on this floor. Finn asks if he can take Elizabeth’s phone to her, and Rory says he can. Finn says, what about the vacant rooms; the intruder could be hiding in one of them. Rory says, they’re currently being checked, and Finn says, there’s got be something else, right? A person doesn’t just vanish into thin air. How could someone break into Elizabeth’s room and leave no evidence?

Lucy tells Martin to get a hot toddy for Elizabeth; she doesn’t need one. He kisses her, and says, she’s hot as it is. He leaves, and Elizabeth says, so this is new. Lucy says, he’s so cute… Sorry; back to Elizabeth. What is she going to do? Elizabeth says she thought she was safe here, but whatever is going on is following her. Lucy says she’s sure the police will figure out who’s doing this, but Elizabeth says, they might be out of their depth on this one. She’d like to try a different kind of expert. Lucy says, okay… and Elizabeth says she’d like the name of the medium Lucy mentioned.

Nina and Sonny finish their dance, and N’neka and the other bartender applaud. N’neka says, nice moves. Maybe Curtis should think about a floor show. Nina says she should go, and Sonny asks if she needs a ride. She says, she called earlier; the car is waiting. He thanks her for the dance, and she thanks him for the dance. They say, goodnight, and she lingers. She kind of salutes him, and leaves.

Michael says he guesses his mom told him as much as she told Willow. She was at Alexis’s house. Harmony was there, they got into a fight, and Harmony drugged her. Willow says, but why? and he says he doesn’t know. She says, his mom does, and he says, she’ll tell Willow, but right now, knowing won’t change anything. He gets that the waiting is torture, but sometimes it’s best not to know, at least in the short term, and focus on what’s right in front of you, which is that Harmony is in critical condition. And that’s scary. She’s made it this far, and she loves Willow. She’s going to get through this. Willow says, maybe that is all that matters, and he holds her.

Harmony says, Willow… and Carly says, Willow’s here. She just stepped out, but she can text her. Harmony says, Carly has to… Carly says she’s going to get someone in here, but Harmony grabs her arm, and says, Nina.

Tomorrow, Valentin says, we meet again; Nina tells Phyllis, there might be a way forward for her and Sonny; Sonny can’t wait to see someone; and Harmony says, Willow can never know.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey – The Reunion – Part 1

Andy has magically transported the Housewives back to Nashville with the décor, and Teresa immediately starts making faces any time anyone talks. Jennifer has her old chin back, and her new nose is settling in nicely. Jackie says she now has a team, and besides her therapist, she has a medical expert and a nutritionist. Having money must be nice. Teresa’s dress has small mirrors all over it in a Flintstone pattern, and it’s super annoying, since the reflections are all over the place, including her face. They were probably afraid to tell her. Andy examines Teresa’s engagement ring that she says Luis picked out. They talk about Teresa’s emergency appendectomy, and Andy says she’s not allowed to scream. She says she’s not planning on it, and Andy asks if she’s met herself. Jennifer says she wants conversation instead of altercation, and we find out Dolores has a new man. Andy says, breaking news just one minute in.

Andy says, Jersey lives and dies on loyalty and respect, and Jackie and Jennifer’s road to friendship was paved with messy intentions. He says, during their argument, Dolores looked like she was close to hitting Jackie, and there’s a discussion on who’s to be feared more, Teresa or Dolores. Marge thinks at their age they should cut that sh*t out, and I concur. It pisses Dolores off that her friendship with Jennifer was questioned, and Jackie says, Dolores was telling both Jennifer and Marge that they were right. Jennifer wonders who’s idea it was to bring it on camera, and accuses Dolores of jumping ship when she said Jennifer had done things to Marge too. Andy says he doesn’t want to relitigate it, and brings up Dolores telling Jennifer not to cry. A lot of viewers found it cold. Dolores – who Dr. Phil would call a right fighter – insists Jennifer had said, remind her not to cry. Jennifer says Dolores is two-faced, and oddly, Marge says that Dolores defended Jennifer for a long time. We flash back to that, and Dolores says she and Jennifer will never be friends again until next season. Andy asks if something happened since the show aired, but Dolores says, nothing so egregious as to call her not a friend. So I guess something happened that they’re not saying. Andy asks Teresa if Dolores is a good friend to Jennifer, and Teresa says, no. Dolores wants to know where this is coming from, and Andy says, a lot of viewers thought she lacked empathy. Dolores and Jennifer talk at the same time, and Jennifer tries to drag Marge into it. Dolores tells Jennifer, if her marriage is good, act like it, and Jennifer says she’s allowed to process and cry. If she’s hurt, they’ll know she’s hurt. She can’t control her emotions.

Andy moves on to Jackie saying, Bill shouldn’t stick his d*ck in someone else, and asked if seeing it in context changed how Jennifer felt. Jennifer admitted that she wasn’t as upset, and could see how it was misconstrued, but she kept thinking that her kids were going to hear it. Andy asks if Jackie gets why it stings, and Jackie says she does, but can’t figure out why such a bunch of potty-mouths are clutching their pearls over the word d*ck. She didn’t like that Jennifer was blaming herself. Teresa says, it’s not classy. No comment. She calls Jackie a follower, and says, just because Marge wasn’t speaking to her, Jackie stopped. Because it can’t be that Teresa is unbearably obnoxious, and they both had enough. Andy asks if Teresa and Jackie ever had their golf game, and Teresa says they did, and also a tennis match. Jackie says, it was after that Teresa decided to go digging on Evan, and Jennifer says she can explain it all. Apparently, when Teresa saw the show, she decided it wasn’t presented clearly enough that what Jackie said about Gia was an analogy. Someone – I think Melissa, but I’m not sure – says, I never want to hear the word analogy again, and I say, preach! Jennifer continues, saying, then Teresa came running to her, asking if she knew anyone who could back up the rumor as being true, and Jennifer said she might know someone in Tenafly, like this was a mob hit. Jackie asks what Jennifer would have done had there been truth to the rumor, and Jennifer insists she would have never said anything on camera. Jackie is like, yeah, right, and Marge wonders why Jennifer would go looking when she’d suffered from infidelity. Jackie says, she defines friendship as being blindly loyal to one person and kissing their ass. Jennifer starts crying, and wails that Jackie kisses Marge’s ass and she’s a follower. Jackie says she’s one of the strongest women Jennifer is going to meet, and Andy asks where things stand with Dolores and Jackie, and Dolores says, they’re good, but she’s done with Jennifer. Jennifer says she’s done giving Dolores a pass, and Dolores says she’s disgusted. Andy says, there’s more to come. The night is young…

We see the dudes backstage, all jolly and having beers. Andy says, Teresa was hesitant to talk about Luis last season, and she says she was waiting to see if it was real. He didn’t sign up for Marge chastising him though. Marge says, all she did was ask questions, and Teresa said he fell in love with her, and didn’t know all that came with it. If that’s true, they are a match made in heaven, since he’s just as stupid as she is. Teresa says Marge was trying to hurt Luis, and to Andy’s credit, he says, all that was out there before Marge uttered a word. People would know whether she’d brought it up or not. He asks how Teresa knew he was the one, and Teresa says, it’s the way he treats her. They haven’t had one fight (would he dare?), and he doesn’t yell or curse. Andy says, he’s the opposite of Juicy Joe – it’s like a caveman and Oprah. He asks if it’s made Teresa think differently about her relationship with Joe #1, and Teresa says she wasn’t in love when she married Juicy Joe. She came from a strict Italian family, and wanted to get out of the house. She explains that she did think she was happy, and got four beautiful daughters. Andy says Teresa put up with a lot of sh*t she probably didn’t even realize, and asks how Joe #1 feels about the engagement. Teresa says, he’s happy for her, and the girls adore Luis. It’s an adjustment because they’re used to walking around naked. I semi-identify with this, since when my old apartment building was going co-op, there were a lot of empty apartments. It was just me and a gay guy on my floor, so I often took out the garbage, not naked, but not exactly clothed fully. Andy tells Teresa that there was heavy response about her not getting a prenup. Bethenny Frankel tweeted that she was going to jump through her phone; everybody is up in arms. Teresa says, it’s between her and Luis, and their decision. You get married for love, and he has more than she does. The Tinder Swindler comes to mind, and Andy says, things happen. Marge asks why people can’t worry about Teresa, and Teresa says, Marge doesn’t give a sh*t about her.

Apparently, there was some kind of party Teresa had for her engagement that Dolores wasn’t invited to because Teresa only invited couples they go out with. I guess it was before the new man. Dolores says she was fine with it, because Dolores is always fine with everything. She says, if it was how they wanted their party, it doesn’t concern her. Andy asks how Melissa is feeling about not being a bridesmaid in Teresa’s wedding, and Melissa says she was okay with it when she thought it was just Teresa’s daughters, but Teresa included her new sister-in-law. Teresa says, look where they’re sitting (on opposite sides), and Melissa says, it has nothing to do with that, but whoever Teresa wants is fine. Teresa says, they’re not close, and Melissa says, that’s understandable, but they share a lot of memories. When Teresa was away (code for: in prison), Melissa helped Teresa’s mother. She held her mother-in-law’s hand in the hospital, and painted her toenails. When her father-in-law was in the hospital, it was her, Teresa, and Teresa’s brother, holding his hand in his final hours. Don’t take that away from her; they have a history. She loves Teresa, and is happy for her, but she thinks Teresa should remember what family is. Melissa is more her family than a girl she met a year ago. It’s sad Teresa feels that way. Jennifer, who has decided to be some sort of go-between, says, there’s more to it than that. Melissa says, then they need to stop faking that they have a relationship. Jennifer thinks it’s because Melissa is closer to Marge, and Teresa says, it’s her day, and should be about them. Melissa says, Teresa sat her and Joe #2 at another table at the engagement party, and Teresa acts like she had nothing to do with the seating arrangement, and didn’t know. Dolores says, if she gets married, she’s eloping.

Marge tries to say I don’t know what, since they’re all talking at once, and Teresa – who hasn’t let one person finish a sentence – tells Marge to STFU. She got there, and the seating was done. Just for good measure, she calls Marge a bitch, and says, Marge thinks she knows everything. Melissa says, let’s end this. She’s happy for Teresa. Teresa says, if Melissa was getting married, she wouldn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, but Melissa says, 100% she would. Teresa was one of her bridesmaids. Teresa complains that she was a minute away from giving birth, and Andy asks if Melissa shouldn’t have had a wedding while Teresa was pregnant. Teresa tells him, a good sister-in-law would have done that.

Andy brings out Joe #2, and says he missed the conversation about Melissa not being a bridesmaid, but he says, they’ve had that conversation at home. Of course, he can’t say boo about Luis. If he was getting married, and everyone else was in the wedding but Luis, he’d be disrespecting Teresa. Teresa says, Joe #2 is in the wedding party, but he’s not sure he’s going to do it. He doesn’t give Luis the time of day. I find that hard to believe, but maybe it’s hard if he’s sitting at another table. Melissa says, Teresa is always going on about family, family, family. I love my family. Bullsh*t. No one believes her anymore. Teresa says, Joe #2 is the only family she has (another slap in the face for Melissa), and she has to keep the peace, and Melissa says, Teresa can’t see that she’s jeopardizing it. Joe says he thinks Teresa should have done the right thing, and Teresa talks over him, saying, Melissa became friends with Caroline and Jacqueline. We all struggle to remember them, and Melissa wonders if they should talk about who Teresa has been friends with. Andy jokes around, saying, let’s bring out Jacqueline. Teresa says she wants to be close with Melissa, but they aren’t; it takes two. Joe says he loves Teresa, but he’s disappointed. Teresa says she was disappointed while watching the season. Jennifer says, Teresa has been saying how much in love she is all season, and what Marge did to Luis hurt her feelings. And she’s disappointed that Melissa chose Marge. We flash back to Teresa demanding that Melissa set that bitch straight, and Andy says, actually, viewers think Teresa doesn’t back Melissa up. Andy asks for examples, and Teresa is like, um… uh…. Roll the tape because she can’t remember. Then the lights go out. Maybe it’s God telling Teresa to STFU.

Andy marvels at the first blackout during a Reunion, and the lights come back on. He asks Teresa to name some examples of how she’s had Melissa’s back, and working the one brain cell she has, Teresa says she took Melissa’s side in talking to Jennifer after their argument. Melissa says, Teresa shouldn’t have stayed at Jennifer’s house after Jennifer put her hands on Melissa. More of Teresa’s double standards. Jennifer calling Joe #2 a crook is brought into the mix, and Jennifer says, Marge told her. Marge says, Jennifer was probably high, and Teresa says – wait for it – you function better when you’re high. Now this may or may not be true for an individual, but how much is Teresa smoking? Joe #2 wonders how it would have been if their father was alive; the feud has moved to the next generation. Andy says, which begs the question,  can you forget the past? We flash back to Gia and Joe’s altercation, and then Joe #2 versus Joe #1 and/or Teresa. Andy says there have been some intense moments, and asks Joe if he had any idea Gia was that angry. Joe says he’s upset that he was treated as the bad guy, and Teresa says he could have sat down with her, but Joe says he needed more time. A viewer asks how Teresa could let her daughter talk that way to her uncle, and Teresa says, Gia was sticking up for her dad. Joe says, she knows the real truth, and we flash back a million years to when Joe was going to Kathy’s at Christmas and pissed off Teresa. Then we flash back to Teresa talking smack about Melissa, and calling her a stripper. Melissa says she’s not looking to rehash it, but there is a double standard. A viewer points out that Joe #1 has constantly badmouthed Joe #2 in the press, and Teresa admits it’s embarrassing. Machala from Rochester wonders why Melissa defended Marge when she came after Luis, but Melissa says, all Marge does is ask questions; she never said anything negative about Luis.

The next viewer topic is Jennifer calling Joe #2 a little bitch boy, and Teresa says she thinks Joe is too involved. Melissa thinks it’s weird that Jennifer is constantly going after Joe, and Joe says he’ll call Luis a little bitch boy. Teresa tells him, he says it like it’s a bad thing. Wow. She’s in rare form tonight. Andy says, what if Joe said Luis was a crook? but Melissa circles back, and says, funny how Jennifer had a conversation with Bill, asking why he didn’t back her up the way Joe #2 backs Melissa up. Jennifer says, Joe is too much and her husband is too little, and Andy laughs. Joe tells her, what makes a man is getting up at 5 am to work in construction and make money, and putting their woman on a pedestal. He left out the part about that woman coming off the pedestal to cook, clean, and raise however many children he wants. Jennifer says, Joe is always involved, and he thinks it justifies his free reign. Teresa says, Joe is kind of like a Housewife, and Joe says, Teresa doesn’t realize what she does. He’s trying to be normal, and Melissa says, don’t let it upset him. Joe says, he quits; he’s done. He gets up, says, f*** you people, and walks off. Melissa says, Teresa is quick to put him down. As he leaves, Joe tells Teresa, be a sister once in a while.

Next time, Marge and Jennifer have it out; behind the scenes with the guys; and Andy has to yell at everyone to shut up.

❗️ All I have to say is, for someone in a love bubble, Teresa is one of the most miserable looking people I’ve ever seen.

🚞 Running Away On a One-Way Track…

For whatever reason, there is no OC tomorrow, but stop by for a dose of soap and whatever else I can find. Until then, stay safe, stay adroit, and stay knowing that we can’t know what we don’t know until we do. That Michael, he’s quite the philosopher.