What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Portia meets Trina at Kelly’s, and apologizes for being late. She asks if Trina wants a milkshake, and Trina says, Portia is treating her like a child. Portia says she didn’t know milkshakes were just for children, and Trina says she’s trying to make a point. Portia doesn’t treat her like an adult. Portia says, okay, she’ll have one for herself, and signals the waitress. Trina says, make that two, and she wants whipped cream, and Portia says she’s glad Trina isn’t too grown up for whipped cream. Trina says, what she’s too grown up for is the lecture Portia is going to give her about forgiving Curtis. That’s never going to happen.

Elizabeth, Finn, Terry, and Yuri sit at a table in The Savoy, and Curtis says, it’s good to see them. He’s sure Chase will appreciate the cheering section. He hopes they enjoy a wonderful evening. He leaves, and Elizabeth says she’s glad they’re finally doing this. She and Finn were talking about getting together with them. Finn says, they were? and Elizabeth puts her hand on his leg. He says, they were. He was just saying, it’s long overdue. Terry says she’s excited to hear Chase perform. Yuri is a big fan of male singers. Yuri says, Harry Styles, Ed Sheeran, Weird Al Yankovic… and Finn asks if that’s what brought the two of them together, a love of Slavic singers, but Terry says they have more in common than that. Yuri says, they’re both very good at kissing.

Cody comes into the back of The Savoy, and Selina says, very prompt. She hopes his card counting talents are as finely honed as his timing. He says, with all due respect, does she even need him? It looks like she has a pretty good operation here. She says, he’s not trying to back out of their agreement, is he? This could be a significant problem… for both of them.

Chase thanks Dante for coming, saying, he can use all the fans he can get. Dante says he wouldn’t miss this for the world, and Chase says, in case he makes a complete fool of himself? Temp Brook says, fat chance. Chase is ready for this. Dante’s phone dings, and he says, it’s Sam. She sends her apologies for not being able to be here, but Danny’s got a cold. Brook says, tell Sam that they hope he feels better, and they’re going to miss her, and Dante says he will. Chase asks if there are any updates on the hook attacks, but Brook says, please, no shop talk tonight. Chase says he’s free for a consult if Dante needs him, and Brook asks if he heard what she said. Curtis comes by, and asks if Chase has time to go over some details before his performance. Brook says, of course (🍷) he does, and Chase says, Curtis heard his manager. Lead the way. They leave, and Brook says, Chase misses the job. Dante says he might have a fix for that.

In her office, Jordan tells Robert, they’ve been operating under a misapprehension. Learning their perp is a woman will change the course of the investigation. Robert says, they’re hardly back to square one. Her department’s done a great job of profiling the killer. When they circulate this information, it will narrow the field. She says, it better, when there’s a knock at the door. She says, come in, and Oz says, good evening, Commissioner, DA Scorpio. She says, he looks fully recovered from his drug overdose, and Oz says, no thanks to that psychopath Esme Prince. Have they found her yet?

Esme says, Ryan looks surprised to see her, and he says he is. She says, because she’s here after visiting hours? and he says, because he thought she was dead. She says, he forgot she was her father’s daughter; impossible to get rid of, and she’ll seek revenge on anyone who tries.

Yuri asks if Finn is the same kind of doctor as Terry, but Finn says he’s an infectious disease specialist. Terry says, Finn would have appreciated the conference she just attended. It made her realize GH is way ahead of the curve when it comes to new cancer protocol. It feels so good to know she can offer her patients the best care possible. Finn says, his department certainly benefits from her department’s breakthroughs, and Terry tells Yuri, there are a lot of overlaps in their specialties. Finn says, especially since his original specialty was oncology, and Terry says she had no idea. What made him switch to infectious diseases? Finn says he lost someone close to him, and Terry wonders if she can ask what happened. He says, at the time, he lacked the knowledge and resources to save their life. That kind of haunted him, and he guesses he became obsessed with the obscure and the unknowable. Elizabeth asks if there’s any part of him that regrets making the switch, but he says, no. He feels just as challenged by infectious diseases. Gesturing toward Terry, he says, they have excellent doctors leading the charge in oncology. Terry asks what everyone is drinking; the first round’s on her. Finn says, something non-alcoholic, and Yuri asks if this place has Krambambula. Elizabeth says, if Finn hadn’t experienced that loss, the whole trajectory of his life could have been different, and Terry says, everything happens for a reason. Elizabeth tells her, people say that, but the whole course of Finn’s life changed when fate intervened. Can Finn honestly say he’s happy with the life that chose him?

Ryan asks how Esme got past security, and she says she might be banned from Spring Ridge, but she’s very resourceful. He says, and before Spring Ridge? and she says she was biding her time at a Canadian hospital. Brought there by a sympathetic fisherman pulled her from a lake after she fell off a parapet at Windymere. He says, Ava paid him a visit. She said Esme missed her step. She says, one moment, she was wrestling with the object of his affection, and the next moment, Ava got to resume her life as mistress of the manor, while Esme fought to keep air in her lungs. He asks if Ava pushed her, and she says, let her put it this way, she never heard a siren or saw a searchlight; Ava left her for dead. Ryan grabs Esme’s wrist, pulls her to him, and says, and she decided to get even by butchering Ava with a hook.

Jordan says, Esme is still wanted for questioning, and Oz says, he’s sure arresting some rich girl for almost killing a bartender is top priority for her. She says, arresting Esme Prince is a top priority for the PCPD. However, as she’s sure he knows, they can’t discuss the details of an ongoing investigation with him. Robert says, when Oz’s attorney arrives, they can go over Oz’s plea deal. He signs it, gets a copy, and walks out a free man. Oz says, they’ll be dealing with him alone. It should be fairly simple. After all, you people owe me.

Tasting their milkshakes, Portia and Trina go, mmm… and Trina says, it’s her favorite. Portia says, strawberry milkshakes have always been Trina’s favorite, since she was a little girl. Trina says she’s not a little girl anymore, and Portia says, she knows that, but Trina will always be her little girl. And she’ll always protect Trina. Always. Trina says, she gets it. Portia and Taggert are her parents, but Curtis isn’t.

Curtis tells Chase that he adjusted the reverb, so it will no longer be an issue, and Chase wonders if he could have some water. Curtis asks N’neka to get some water for their star, but Chase says he’s hardly that. Curtis says he understands the nerves, but Chase will be fine. Chase says, Jordan told him that Curtis used to work in law enforcement, and Curtis says, once upon a time. Chase asks if he misses it.

Brook asks, what’s Dante’s idea? and Dante says, Jordan has some influence with the Civilian Complaint Review Board, and thinks she can get Chase reinstated. Brook says, that’s such a relief. She was convinced she’d cost him his job. He says, it’s good for Chase too, and she says, of course (🍷). So in a few months, after Chase has been able to establish his singing career, he’ll be able to work out a schedule that allows him to do both. Dante says, if this works out, it’s going to happen a lot sooner than a few months. She asks, how long? and he says, a couple of weeks. She says, that’s not enough time.

Cody tells Selina, he doesn’t want any problems, and he definitely needs cash like any other guy. but he really wants to play legitimately, not cheat. She says, he’ll do as she asks, and he can secure his buy-in. Until then, he owes her. He says, in all fairness, she did take back the money he won; left him with 50 bucks, while her associate tenderized his torso. She says, what Li did to him in the alley was merely a love tap. He’ll really show Cody what he’s capable of if Cody lets her down.

Finn says he doesn’t understand what Elizabeth is asking, and Yuri says he doesn’t either. Terry tells Elizabeth, the waitstaff seems swamped. Let’s get the drinks at the bar. Elizabeth says, but… and Terry says, now. They leave, and Finn says, so besides Weird Al, what else is Yuri into? Yuri says, doctors.

Terry asks if Elizabeth is okay, and Elizabeth says she is. Why? Terry says, what was that? and Elizabeth says, what was what? Terry says, she was interrogating Finn. What’s bothering her? Elizabeth says, Reiko, and Terry says, a Japanese name meaning beautiful and wise? but Elizabeth says, she was Finn’s wife, but now she’s dead. And Elizabeth thinks her family could be responsible.  

Ryan says, Esme wasn’t holed up in a hospital all this time, was she? She was getting even with her enemies at the sharp end of a hook. She says she barely knew Brando Corbin, and he thanks her for not pretending she wasn’t aware of these attacks. She asks how she could not be aware; it was all over the internet. He says he doesn’t blame her for relishing the publicity. He knows how much she hates Sonny, and she’s welcome to target anyone around him. Except for one. She says, his precious Ava? and he pulls her closer, saying, Ava is his. He determines her fate. She had no right. She says she has nothing to do with it, but he says he’s not sure he believes her. Revenge is fine, but she’s getting distracted from their original goal. She says, goals change, and he says he hates repeating himself. She pulls away, and says, so does she. She’s done talking about that hook, and so is he.

Jordan says, Oz was going to be charged with redistribution of stolen property and felony theft by extortion, and he says, extortion? She asks how Esme got the opportunity to slip something into his drink if they weren’t meeting to discuss a payoff, and Robert says, this is a generous deal. How does Oz figure they owe him? Oz says, the exculpatory evidence he laid out to the judge and jury exonerated Trina Robinson. Good thing he woke up from his medically induced coma right in time to testify.

Portia says, when she marries Curtis, he will be Trina’s de-facto parent, but Trina says, of an adult woman who can protect herself. Portia says she seems to remember Curtis doing a lot to protect Trina. He’s the one who realized she and Trina had been taken hostage by Cyrus Renault. And if he hadn’t tracked down Oz Haggerty, and brought him back for Trina’s trial, things could have gone very differently. Trina says, and she’ll always be grateful to Curtis, but just because he looked out for her in the past, doesn’t give him license to interfere with her life now. Like having Ava fire her? Portia says, Curtis knows he overstepped, but there’s something Trina needs to realize. As awful as these past few months have been for her, Portia doesn’t know if she would have made it through without Curtis.

Curtis tells Chase, sometimes he does miss law enforcement, but his situation is complicated. He took away a lot of hard lessons. Chase asks if Curtis is happy where he is now, and Curtis says, owning a nightclub seems to be meant for him. Chase says, that’s the thing. He doesn’t feel like he’s meant to be a singer. Curtis says, it’s early, give it some time, and Chase says, now Curtis sounds like Brook. Curtis says, they both agree Chase has mad talent, so why doesn’t he see where it goes? Chase says he is; mainly because he has no choice. He knows fame and fortune might appeal to most… Curtis says, but not him, and Chase says, don’t tell Brook, but if he could be a cop tomorrow, he’d drop this singing business in a second.

Brook asks Dante if Chase can really be reinstated in a few weeks. Won’t there be interviews, and lots of paperwork? He says, it doesn’t work that way. With the Commissioner involved, it can really speed up the process. Plus the CCRB takes into account letters of support. Since Brook was with Chase at both instances when he threw his fists, which got him suspended… She says, on her account, and he says, but it’s not a done deal, so don’t say anything yet. She says she won’t breathe a word.

Cody comes out, sees Maxie, and turns around, but she says, excuse me. What is he up to?

Jordan says she’s not sure what Oz is driving at. The doctors at GH brought him out of his coma. She had nothing to do with the timing. He tells her, he’s just saying, her department and the DA’s office would have some serious egg on their faces if they’d convicted an innocent person. Now that he’s had more time to think, he realizes the immunity deal they have on the table is the very least they can offer him. Robert says, make no mistake; that’s all they’re going to offer him. Oz leaves here, and puts a foot wrong, they’re going to haul him in. Come on. He’s just a lowlife fence and a two-bit hood. Oz says, he’ll also be representing himself. He graduated at the top of his class in law school. In the hospital, he was promised full immunity from criminal prosecution in exchange for his testimony. And if any document they care to show him falls short of that, he’ll sue them into oblivion. Hell, maybe Trina Robinson will want to jump on a class-action suit for false arrest and malicious prosecution.

Portia says, Trina’s father, Curtis, Marshall, they all called in favors to get evidence to get Trina exonerated. But at the end of the day, it was Curtis who held Portia when she cried. It was Curtis who tracked down Oz, and waited outside his hospital room day and night, waiting for him to wake up. And he even considered mortgaging The Savoy in case Trina was convicted and they needed money for the appeal. Trina says, Curtis was willing to do that? and Portia says, Curtis might not have raised Trina, but that man loves her.

Cody asks, what makes Maxie think he’s up to something? and she says she knows trouble when she sees it. He says she’s been hanging out with her Uncle Mac too long, and she says, speaking of Mac, has Cody given any more thought to the DNA test? He says he’s had other things on his mind, and she says, like avoiding Dante? Cody says he’s not avoiding Dante, and she says, then why not go over and say hi. He tells her, because nature calls, and leaves.

Yuri’s phone dings, and Finn asks if everything is okay. Yuri says, his friend wants to know how much to feed Svetlana, and Finn says, his cat? but Yuri says, Svetlana is a bearded collie. Finn says, no kidding? He has a bearded dragon, and Yuri says, two beards. Name? Finn says, Roxie.

Elizabeth tells Terry, when she saw the picture of Reiko, she realized it was the woman she’d sketched; that’s the woman in her recovered memory. Terry asks if she’s sure she hasn’t seen a picture of Reiko before, and transposed it into her memory, but Elizabeth says, Finn never even talks about her, and she only saw Reiko’s picture after she drew the sketch. It can’t be a coincidence that they were both at the Mariana Islands at the same time. She knows Reiko’s face because she knew her, and so did her father. Terry says, drink, then answer. Elizabeth takes a sip of her drink, and Terry says, does she think Reiko died after a fall, and her or her dad was there when it happened or caused it? Elizabeth says she doesn’t know, and Terry says, why doesn’t she ask Finn?  

Ryan asks, what was in the water Esme fell into? and Esme says, when you’ve been through hell, nothing scares you. He says, not even her father? She just missed Ava. Clearly Ava doesn’t know she’s back. He assumes that extends to the Cassadine men as well. She says, he was her first stop, but Windymere hasn’t seen the last of her, and he says, but will she complete her mission? Or is the old plan beneath the new Esme? She says, adaptation is necessary for survival, and he asks if she’s pitching him a new strategy. She says she now has a powerful weapon in her arsenal, one that guarantees mass destruction of the Cassadine family, and will drive Ava into his arms. He asks if she intends to share this, and she says, thank God he’s already sitting down.

Maxie says, it’s so exciting, and Dante says, Chase is pretty nervous. Maxie says, which is totally normal; he’s going to be fine. He’s going to be great. Brook says, he’s going to be better than great. He’s going to be legendary. Dante says he’s going to get a beer, and asks if they’d like something. Maxie says, surprise her, and Brook asks for a double vodka on the rocks. He leaves, and Maxie asks if Brook doesn’t want to make it a ginger ale. She looks like she might lose her dinner. Brook says, for good reason. Dante just told her there might be a path back to the PCPD for Chase. Maxie says, that’s fabulous… right? but Brook says, no, it’s the worst.

Curtis says he’s sure Brook knows how passionate Chase is about being a cop, and Chase says, she does. What she doesn’t know is, he’s doing this whole singing thing for her. She worked like crazy to promote him, and he didn’t want to disappoint her. Curtis says he’s sure Brook doesn’t want to disappoint Chase either. Chase didn’t ask, but a word of advice. Don’t hold back in a relationship. It is the beginning of the end. Portia walks in, and Curtis raises his glass to her.

Oz looks at the paperwork, and Robert says, does it meet with your satisfaction, counselor? Oz says, no need to be nasty. It’s all in order. Jordan shows him where to sign. Oz signs, and says, always happy to right a civil wrong. You’re welcome. Jordan says, Oz is shrewd and sharp, and Robert says, too bad he uses his intellect to break the law. Jordan says, in a perfect world, this would serve as Oz’s wake-up call, but something tells her that he’s going to continue to ignore his potential in the wake of a little profit. Oz says, he’s the victim here, remember? Esme Prince tried to kill him. In a perfect world, she’d be out there trying to catch the maniac with the hook, instead of harassing the little guy. He grabs his copy of the papers, and leaves. Robert says, what a waste

Esme asks what Ryan thinks, and he says, it’s genius. She says, even though it wasn’t part of their original plan? He says, plans evolve. His wide traveled and worldly wise daughter taught him that. They laugh.

Elizabeth asks Terry, why burden Finn with speculation? It’s enough that losing Reiko derailed his life. Terry tells Elizabeth, she’d hardly say Finn is off-track; he saves lives every day. Elizabeth says, except for the one he couldn’t. That’s probably why he’s so determined to save her. Terry says, he loves her though, and Elizabeth says, does he? He tends to equate loving someone with rescuing them. Terry says, all doctors have a savior complex, herself included, but Elizabeth says, she’s not his patient. She’s supposed to be his partner. Terry asks if he’s been like this in past relationships, and Elizabeth says, her sister Hayden was dying from the same disease that killed his wife, so Finn moved heaven and earth to save her. His engagement to Anna fell apart because she didn’t need to be saved. Neither does she. She can’t have her personal problems cast in the shadow of the woman Finn couldn’t save. A woman, who if she were still alive, he’d probably be with today. She needs to know what happened to Reiko. Finn deserves the truth. Terry says, and she’ll tell him if she finds out? and Elizabeth nods. Terry says, then she’s here to help, and they clink glasses. Here’s the part I don’t get. Reiko died of an infectious disease, so why is Elizabeth worried about her being killed from that fall? Wasn’t Finn there? Or wouldn’t he have been able to tell what she died from even if he wasn’t? Are they changing the past here?

Finn tells Yuri, his daughter Violet has full conversations with Roxie, and she’s sure Roxie understands everything she’s saying. Yuri says, Svetlana understands every single word he says, both in Belarusian and in English. (Not unusual; there are a lot of bilingual dogs.) Wearing silver pants and a black shirt, Chase comes over, and says, sorry to interrupt. Finn says he’s not. Great pants. He was wondering what happened to his shower curtain. He asks if Chase remembers Yuri, and Chase says, of course (🍷), and says hello in Belarusian. Yuri is impressed, and says he thinks the two brothers deserve some privacy. He leaves, and Chase sits down. Finn asks if he’s nervous, and Chase says, he has to ask? He knows dad is watching Violet, and asked Finn to record it on his phone, but please don’t. Finn says, okay, but Chase isn’t really nervous, is he? He’s the most prepared person Finn knows. Chase says he’s all nerves, and Finn says, understandable, but a little ironic if you think about it. Chase used to make his living going into the line of fire, and now singing for a bunch of hipsters is making him break out in a cold sweat. Chase says, Finn’s not helping. He doesn’t know if this is for him, and Finn says, the things we do for love, bro, and looks at Elizabeth.

Curtis greets Portia and Trina, and says he’s glad they could make it. It should be a wonderful evening. Trina says she’s sure it will be, but that’s not why she’s here. Portia steps back, and Curtis says he knows things between them have been tense since he spoke to Ava about Trina’s job at the gallery. He’d like to explain. Trina says, her mom helped her figure out a few things, and she understands why he did what he did. And she can appreciate his instincts. He says, she’s very important to her mother, and even if he didn’t know her, that would make her important to him, but he does know her, and cares a lot about her. It’s hard to apologize for that. She says she won’t ask him to, but she will ask him to never go behind her back again. He nods in agreement.

Esme tells Ryan, if she’s going to put their plan in motion, she’s going to need some essentials, like food and a roof over her head. He asks if she has access to her trust fund, and she says, she could, but she’s wanted for questioning by the PCPD, and she can’t risk the money being traced. Can he help her? He says he did manage to squirrel away some money when he was pretending to be his brother, but without Doc’s credentials, he can’t get to it. She says, that’s okay; she’ll figure something out. He says, she’s managed to get this far under the radar; it’s impressive. She says, believe her. Nobody ever sees her coming. He says he only has one ask, but she says, don’t bother. Ava will pay for what she did to her. But she has other scores to settle first, so for now his beloved is safe from her. He says, but is Esme safe from Ava?

Terry brings drinks to the table, and Yuri says, no drink for him? She says, he has to explain Krambambula to the bartender, and she leaves with him. Finn wonders why he’s getting the distinct impression that Terry is giving them some space, and Elizabeth says, because she asked Terry to. She wanted to apologize for interrogating Finn earlier, but Finn says, she doesn’t have to; she can ask him anything. Why the questions about his change of specialty? She says, he’s mentioned it was because of a loss, but he never elaborated. He says, it’s not really a secret. He had a really good friend once, a good doctor; they served together in Doctors Without Borders (🍷 this is becoming like the river in Pennsylvania). His name was Garrett. One day in the field, he got bit by a snake. Finn tried to save him, but he couldn’t. She says, oh. She kind of assumed… He says, that he was talking about Reiko. He understands she asked his dad about Reiko, and he thinks he knows why. Okay, they’re changing the past.

Esme asks if Ryan is worried about her, and he says, when Ava insinuated she’d been in an accident, he was worried he’d lost her forever. She says, how inconvenient. He would have needed a new foot soldier. He says, she means do much more to him than that, and she says, does she? He says, she’s his legacy; she’s the best of her mother and him. And there’s no limit to what they can achieve, especially with this new development. She says, now they’re closer than ever to getting what they want, but there is one obstacle that needs her immediate attention. He asks what she’s waiting for, she kisses him on the cheek, and he says, welcome back.

Robert says, Jordan had the same strange look on her face when Haggerty mentioned waking up to testify. Is there a story? She says, petty criminals like Haggerty frustrate her; they’re always getting away with their crimes. He says, get used to it. There are plenty of Haggertys out there. She thanks him, and says, that was comforting.

Trina tells Curtis, this is her life, and she’s going to try to direct it as best she can. And while she respects that Curtis marrying her mom makes him her stepdad… He says, she doesn’t need another one, and she asks, what does he say? Does he want to be friends again? He says he’d like that a lot, and they hug.

Maxie tells Brook, Chase seems like he’s more comfortable chasing down bad guys than being a rock star. Isn’t she happy for him that he might get his old job back? Brook says, she wants what Chase wants for him, but it sounds like it will happen quickly. What happens to all the plans they made? Chase comes out in a jacket matching his pants, and says he’s ready. Maxie tells Brook, go. They’ll talk later.

Cody sit at the bar and knocks back a tequila shot. He says, another please. He has a tab running. Maxie asks if he’s okay, and he says, one more of these and he will be. She asks if she can suggest something, and he says, can he stop her? She says, if the way he’s living requires liquid courage, he’s going about it wrong.

Brook says, ready? and Chase says, almost. He needs something from her. She says, anything, and he says, kiss me. She says, unusual encouragement from the manager, but whatever works, and she kisses him.

Yuri sips his drink, and Terry says, well? He says, perfection, and kisses her hand. He says, dziakuj, and she says, you’re welcome. At the table, Elizabeth says, they can talk later, but Finn says, no, it’s good. He shut down after Reiko died; he closed himself off to other people. Elizabeth has unlocked parts of himself he thought were gone forever. He just wants her to know there’s no part of him that he woudn’t share with her.

Curtis thanks everyone for coming out tonight, and asks if they’re ready for tonight’s performer. Brook says, go get ‘em, tiger, and Chase goes to the stage. Curtis says, for the first time on this stage – he knows they’re going to love him as much as he does – help him welcome to The Savoy, Harrison Chase. Chase asks how everyone is doing, and they all yell and cheer. He sings Brook’s song Falling Into Place, and the crowd loves it. Maxie tells Cody, see? Chase chose a new path. He can too. Selina nods, and Cody he goes with her to the back. There’s lots of applause, whistling, and cheering, and Chase does a reprise. Brook gives him a thumbs up, and Dante says he has to hand it to her; she knows how to spot talent. Chase is almost as good a singer as he is a cop. He’ll reach out to her about that statement. He looks forward to getting his partner back.

Robert says, Jordan is a good Commissioner, but remember something; she worked hard and she earned it. She says he used to do almost anything to achieve a result. Then she overcorrected by refusing to bend the rules. Neither strategy has served her well. He says, trying to figure out what line not to cross is tough in their business, and she asks how he manages. He says he straddles the line, but just enough to administer justice to the good people of Port Charles, and he sleeps well at night. She says, and when he slips? When he’s party to something that may be for the greater good, but is an ethical grey area? He says, remember they’re only human. The real criminals are out there, running around committing violent crime without mercy. They bring them in, whatever it takes.

On the phone at the docks, Oz says he’s in the clear. Is he good to go back to work at the Highsider?… Good, but not full-time; he decided to study for the bar. Guess who has a future as a lawyer?… That’s right. Bye. He hears something, and says, hello? He goes back to looking through his paperwork, and in no surprise to anyone, he turns, and the hook comes down.

Next week, Dante tells Sam, he’s more determined than ever to find out who did this; Victor asks what else Ava has on Nikolas; Brando’s funeral happens; and Esme tells herself, who says you can’t go home again?

Southern Charm – The Reunion, Part 1

Ugh. I forgot it was the Reunion. Venita starts off by saying she’s wearing a little bit of Barbiecore, and I’m already irritated. When did pink turn into that? <sigh> Okay, 3… 2… 1…

Andy welcomes us per usual, to break down another wild season. He tells Craig that he doesn’t have the authority to throw anyone out, and asks how Naomie feels to be back. She says, it feels good to be here, although I can’t imagine why. We find out that Little Craig broke up with Peaches, and he’s after Venita’s dog. Andy says, there’s been talk that revelations from last season’s Reunion may have contributed Bennifer’s marriage, and we flash back to the brouhaha about Madison’s texts, but she says, no comment. Andy says, it seems the hardest part of running with this crew this season was running into exes. Madison and Olivia were both with Austen, and Kathryn shares commonalities with Naomie and Taylor. Is there anyone he doesn’t know about? Madison suggests Thomas and Olivia had a hook-up,  but Olivia says, Thomas is a family friend. Did Madison just pull that out of her fake ass? My jury says, probably. Andy says, a Twitter poll asked, which Southern Charm male would make the worst husband, and Madison says, sorry, Shep, but Shep says he’s here for it. Andy says, Shep got 53%, and Austen came in a close second. Andy asks Craig if it’s easier dating someone who lives outside Charleston, and Craig says, it’s been his most successful relationship. Although you can find temptation anywhere. Taylor says, Shep can fly somewhere to find it, like Texas, and Shep says, he’s single; it was no capital offense. Taylor says, allegedly, Shep has slept with over 300 women. They broke up because he said he wasn’t capable of being in a committed relationship or wanted one, and he said he wanted to figure out himself out. He partied and hooked up all over the place, and now he’s wrapped her into a slew of whores he’d f***ed. Now she’s just a number. He says he’s sorry she feels that way, and she says, two and a half years. She’s just the whore who lasted the longest. Andy asks if Taylor was Shep’s longest relationship, and Shep says, yes, but Taylor says, the whole time, he was searching for other women. He’s single, 43, and using women to masturbate then tossing them to the side. He’s hurting women and hurting himself. Does he want to get to a million? She asks if he even knows anything about her, like her favorite color, movie, or animal. Anything. He says, green and her dog, but the figurative buzzer sounds, and Taylor says, wrong. He says, she told everyone he wasn’t capable of being trustworthy, but didn’t he make an effort? Did he do nothing for her or with her? She tells him to ask himself, and he says he already did, Craig asks Taylor if she believed Shep could be better, and she says she knows he can. She’s seen a better side of him that’s pure, raw, real, and capable. Andy asks Taylor what Shep’s favorite color is, and she says, purple. Shep says, oh, because he’s wearing it, and she says, no, because he told her. Andy asks what she thinks Shep’s favorite book is – I guess we’re assuming he reads – and she says, probably his own. Apparently, we’re off to the races quickly.

Andy says, Kathryn had a birthday blowout for her big 3-0, and realizes he’s known her for her entire adult life. She says she started when she was 21, and she’s 31 now. He asks how the kids are, and she says, amazing. They’re now 7 and 8. Kensie opened a lemonade stand, and made $42, and Saint read his first book. Shep says he saw Thomas, and he’s the same old. You have to smile because he’s larger than life. Andy says, Chleb left Charleston after the break-up, and Kathryn says, he lives in Miami, but they’re not in touch. We flash back to Chleb talking to Venita at Kathryn’s birthday party, and Andy asks if Venita had any idea Kathryn was upset. Venita says, not until she watched it, and Kathryn says, Venita was acting like she suddenly wanted to solve the problem came out of nowhere. It was fake. I think Venita’s problem is she doesn’t read the room well, and wants to fix things her way and now. Andy says, Venita’s not the only person who felt Kathryn’s wrath that night, and we flash back to Kathryn calling Naomie a petty little bitch. A viewer says, instead of extending an olive branch, Kathryn whacked Naomie with it. Kathryn says she overheard someone tell Naomie to talk to her, and Naomie saying, fine. Let’s get it over with. Naomie says, Kathryn was stomping around. She knows Kathryn’s face when she’s mad. Kathryn says she came out of the bathroom straight to the table to talk, and calls bullsh*t. Andy asks if Naomie wouldn’t have been pissed if she overheard what Kathryn did, and Naomie says, she would, but she’s not sure she would react like that. Kathryn says, Naomie claimed she tried to ruin a good person’s family, when she and Cameron said sh*tty things about her for years that were used against her in custody battles. Naomie has always been a condescending mean girl with her, and made her feel less than. Naomie says, that’s Kathryn’s own trigger, and Leva tries to butt in, but Kathryn tells Leva to stop shutting her down. She’s voicing how she feels. Andy asks Leva if Chleb was right, that Kathryn is the problem in the friend group, and Leva says, she thought they were good, and Kathryn flipped the switch. She was super rude on Watch What Happens Live; that’s when they were done. We see a clip of Kathryn saying, Leva is trying to be relevant, and Andy says, a hot button issue was Kathryn’s jelly meatballs; a viewer said, it looked like the worst dinner ever, with Chleb choking down those dry-ass meatballs. Andy asks where she got the recipe from, and she says her mom makes them on Christmas. They’re made with chili sauce, grape jelly, and ketchup. He asks if she made them for Thomas, and she says, no; she made Thomas salmon with mayonnaise. We flash back to that, and Andy says, maybe she should stop cooking for her men. Andy reads a tweet that says, Kathryn’s relationship with Chleb looked staged, and they suggest it was to clean up her image. He asks how genuine their relationship was, and Kathryn says she definitely thought she was in love. Andy asks for a show of hands from whoever believed their relationship was genuine, and it’s everyone. He asks if she’s dating anyone, and she says she’s talking to someone not in Charleston. He asks if she’s on Raya, but she says, no. She applied three or four years ago, and thinks she’s still on the waitlist. Andy says, maybe Shep can recommend her, and Taylor makes a face. Oh Andy. Why?

Andy says, after Austen’s dramatic break-up with Madison, Austen claimed he was moving on, but the past moved with him. They discuss Austen’s ass, which is apparently prime, and Austen and Shep show off their (thankfully clothed) booties. Then Andy moves on to Austen and Shep having compared d*cks. Austen says, Madison and Taylor were there, and Venita wonders how all that happened. Craig says, they get mad at him when he won’t show his, and Austen says, it’s weird that he’s known Craig so long and hasn’t seen it. Craig asks Andy to help them explore their love, and Andy says he’d love to facilitate that. Austen says, it’s a normal thing for friends, but Andy says he hasn’t seen Anderson Cooper’s d*ck. He says, Austen claimed he was no Christian Grey in the bedroom, and we flash back to Austen telling Kathryn that he’s not kinky. A viewer says, no surprise Austen is boring in bed, but Madison says, something kept her around for three years. Andy asks about Austen’s parents, and Austen says, they’ve settled into their new home. A viewer says, it was the sweetest thing seeing Austen packing his late sister’s belongings, and we flash back to that. Andy asks how difficult that was to relive, and Austen says, when they were doing it, it was emotional with his parents; it broke him down, but it was beautiful because of where their family has come. Everyone starts to get teary, and Austen figures out she’s been gone for 28 years. He says, there were 26 years of memories in the house to pull out. His mom was going down Memory Lane full-on, and one of the last boxes they packed was his sister’s stuff. Everyone is openly crying now, and we see a clip of Austen and his mother looking at his sister’s teddy bear. Shep says, it’s the saddest thing in the world, and Taylor leaves the stage. Austen says he wishes Katie had been there. She was the one who saved the family. He was an only child, and the family became whole. It was broken until she was born. Everyone loves her, and she’s funny as hell. We see a clip of them together, and Andy wonders why Taylor was so broken up. Shep says, her sister is sick. She also loves Austen a whole lot. Austen says, she’s an empath with him, and Andy decides to take a break.

Taylor comes back, and Andy asks why she left. She says, her sister is going through cancer, and she can’t imagine losing a sister. It’s hard, and she respects Austen for being able to talk about it. He puts his arm around her. Andy says, friendships have been the bedrock of this group, but Austen and Shep were estranged from Craig at the beginning. Austen says, they hadn’t sat down and talked about it, and Taylor says she thinks Craig pulled away from everyone. We flash back to Craig saying, hanging out with them isn’t healthy for him, and Andy asks if Craig was a little full of himself. Leva says, Craig told her that she doesn’t want to go to war with him because he’s the most popular person on Bravo. Andy switches topics, and says, their newest cast member is blond, beautiful, and bold; Austen has a type. He asks Olivia what the best thing about the season was for her, and she says, the friendships. Her drinking tolerance also went up. He asks, what was the worst part? and she says, exes. Madison shrugs, and a viewer says, Austen’s new girl is a Madison clone, and Olivia says she’ll take that as a compliment. She’s just mean as hell. Andy says, Madison called Olivia trust fund trash, and homely, and Olivia adds, homeless. Madison says, Olivia lives at her parent’s house, and Olivia says she was taken aback. She didn’t think they knew each other well enough to have beef. Then Madison went on a shade tour. Madison says she’s sorry, but Olivia says she doesn’t need an apology; she’s just curious. Andy tells Austen, he said Olivia was wifey material, then wanted to take it slow. Clearly, seeing Olivia with a date made him regret his decision. Austen says he knew the risks to tell someone to date other people. Then when they do, you have to eat it. Olivia says she didn’t go home with her date, but Austen went home with his ex, Sierra. Austen says, it wasn’t his intention, but Andy says, Austen knew it was a crappy move to spend the night with Sierra. Craig says, it wasn’t out of revenge, and Olivia says, Austen told her that if she hadn’t brought a date, he wouldn’t have done it. Craig says, Austen wouldn’t have gone home with Sierra if he hadn’t seen Olivia with a date, but he didn’t sleep with her out of revenge. I kind of get what he’s saying, but Andy says he thinks Craig is rationalizing, and I agree. Taylor says, Austen should have swept Olivia off her feet, and told Jack or Zack or whatever his name was, get away from my women. Madison asks if Austen and Olivia are in a relationship or not, and Olivia says, no. Austen says it would break his heart to lose Olivia’s friendship. Call him a coward, but it terrifies him to commit. Olivia says, after filming, they had fun, and there was no pressure. It’s okay to have fun in the grey area, but after a while, it chips away at your confidence. After so many months, you wonder why you’re still here. She was ready for a relationship, but Austen couldn’t figure it out. Andy asks if Madison thinks Olivia and Austen will get back together, and Madison says, after Austen’s redemption tour, no. All of his exes say he’s a lap dog, and Olivia is here calling him a Range Rover. Oliva says, that’s because she doesn’t want to break people down like Madison does, and Madison says, talk to her when she’s three years in. Craig says, after only one round of questioning, everyone is ready for a drink.

Andy tells Madison that they got a lot of messages about Brett, and asks if the proposal was everything she’d dreamed of. She says, it was shocking. He asked for Hudson’s permission, and Hudson said, as long as he was a part of it. Andy says, it must have been a factor in why she said yes, and asks if they’re talking babies. Madison says, in the future for sure. Andy asks if Kathryn could date a Mormon, and Kathryn says she loves how Salt Lake City looks. Madison says, it’s just a joke about him saving himself; they’re very active. He was raised Mormon, but he’s not practicing. Andy says, viewers think Madison and Austen were still hooking up close to the engagement, and that’s why they weren’t talking, but they both say, false. Leva says she thinks Madison gets a kick out of bugging Austen, and Austen gets bugged. Madison says she thought they were friends until she got engaged, and he iced her out. Austen says, if they were friends, he wouldn’t have been blindsided, and Madison says, it’s not like they were talking daily. Naomie says, it wouldn’t be appropriate if the first person Madison texted was her ex, and Austen says, it was also dig after dig. We flash back to Madison livestreaming about her engagement, and saying Hudson’s father is the only ex who means anything to her. Madison insists it wasn’t a dig, and Andy says, Madison showed off her rock at her and Venita’s joint birthday party. He asks Venita if she thinks Madison invited Olivia and Kathryn to sabotage her, and Venita says, no, but she would have preferred Madison to give her a heads up. Austen asks if Madison and Venita are friends, and Madison says, no. Venita says, it’s not of her choosing, and we flash back to Venita saying that Madison snatched the phone out of her hand, and saw that Leva had texted: Madison is so dumb. Madison and Venita have a mini argument over whether Madison grabbed the phone or Venita showed it to her, and Madison says, f*** Venita and Leva. Venita threw her under the bus on girls night. She failed to tell Venita that Venita never wants to be on her bad side. She says, Venita acted like a brat at their birthday party, and Venita says she’s allowed to be on her birthday, which is pretty childish, Madison says, she threw the party, and Venita never said  thanks or helped clean up. Venita says she sent people, but Madison says, the people were her.

Andy says they took a break because Olivia was upset, and we see a clip of Olivia in the dressing room, saying she doesn’t know why she’s upset. A producer asks if she feels Austen should have had her back more, and she says, yeah. I say, leading the witness. Olivia comes back, and says, it’s very confusing. She doesn’t like having to explain that she and Austen are just friends. Madison seems to hate him, but they’re cracking each other up. It’s a lot weird; like a different universe. Taylor thinks there’s a lot of love there, but Austen was wishy-washy, and Olivia says, things with Austen were complicated, and she was mentally f***ed. She imagined they’d get there, and then he agreed to just be friends. Venita explains that Olivia didn’t want him to immediately agree, and to fight for her. Taylor says, every girl wants a man to fight for them, and Andy says, Austen seems to have a pattern; it’s reminiscent of Sierra. Austen says he knew he’d dragged his feet too long, and Andy says, Olivia rejected him in that moment, so he folded. Olivia says she was patient while Austen figured out what he wanted, but when she needed him to be patient, he was like, that’s that. Naomie says, Olivia put in the time, and Austen wasted that time talking about Madison. Olivia says she sees them laughing at each other’s jokes, and Madison says, they put in three years; Olivia’s been there five minutes. Olivia asks if Madison wants him, and Madison says, no. Olivia says, then stop talking about it. Madison tells Austen that he can do nothing right at this point; they’re ganging up on him. Olivia says, they’re just talking about it, and Madison says, let it go. Craig says, it’s a tough thing to say, but if it was meant to be, they wouldn’t have waited so long. Andy says, Austen hurts people because he’s a p*ssy, and Shep agrees with Craig. Olivia has always been more of a homebody, and he thought it would end up being a sticking point. Taylor says, actually, that’s a good quality at 30, and Shep says, he’s just saying Austen is more of a social animal. Andy says he thinks they’ve figured out why Olivia was in tears, and they’ll leave it here.

Next time, Craig rips his pants; Andy asks how many times Naomie has snuck out of Patricia’s house; Craig says, Leva made his party about herself; Leva says, Craig went from 0 to 100; and Andy asks why Taylor cares if it’s over, and she says, because she loves Shep.  

🛌🏽 Falling Into Bed…

Don’t forget, no soap tomorrow, baseball, but I’ll pour a cup of tea for you, with some quotes and music on the side. Until then, stay safe, stay curious, and stay not holding back in a relationship. It is the beginning of the end.