What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

🎢 Soap Roller Coaster…

Don’t worry. I got the whole thing, but first, I put GH on, and it looks like the news broke in, but only a few minutes of the beginning has been preempted. Then, the first thing I see is Marshall in an exam room, and Epiphany calling him Mr. Ashford. I think, this isn’t a new episode, and find this:

But apparently, it was shown in some places, so through the magic of the internet, here you go. Be forewarned though, it looks like they’ll be showing the same thing tomorrow if it was aired in your state today.

General Hospital

Britt says, all Cody’s been telling her is what she wants to hear. So why? What does he want from her? He says, to get to know her better, and she says, so instead of asking her what she’s looking for, he’s selling a version of what he thinks she wants? He says he’s rusty at dating, but she says, no. He’s as smooth as they come, but at least he’s transparent. Even an idiot would be able to see what he’s really after.

Linc says, congratulations, detective; that was a great performance. Chase asks what he wants, and Linc says he wants to know if Chase has considered a career in music. Brook watches from a distance, and Chase says, only recently. Linc says he sees something in Chase. It’s good, raw material. It needs refining, but it’s still there. Lucky for Chase, he was here tonight. In fact, he thinks it’s fate.

Spinelli says, perhaps he’s been a tad overprotective, and Maxie says, yes, he has. Austin is a good man, and Spinelli needs to start being nice to him, now. Spinelli says, very well. Consider it done. Maxie says, why? What is going on? He says, nary a thing, and she wonders why he so easily agreed to do what she asked. He says, she knows he can refuse her nothing, but she says, that’s absolutely not true. So he’s going to get along with Austin? He says, yes, and she says, and lay off her relationship? He says he’ll neither interfere, nor opine, and she says, thank you. She waits, and he says, with great reservation of course (🍷)… She says, there it is. Back off. He has no reason to doubt Austin. He says he has an inconvertible reason, and she asks, what is it? He says, Austin isn’t who she thinks he is.

Austin asks bald guy what he’s doing here, and bald guy says, Austin stopped responding. As such, he forced their hand. (Not sure if he means there’s more than one, he’s nuts and thinks he’s more than one, or that’s his pronoun.) Austin says, okay. If he’s more responsive, will they stop doing things he needs to respond to? but bald guy says, unfortunately, it’s too late for that. He’s here to deliver a message. Austin says, which is what? and bald guy says, Austin’s time is up.

Curtis asks how Trina is, and Portia says, she’s resting. Finally. Today in court really rattled her. Curtis says, DA Arden certainly knows how to twist the narrative to fit her purposes, and Portia says, she’s doing her job… and Curtis says, she doesn’t have to be so damn good at it (which is a matter of perspective). Portia says, the reason she’s good at it is, she actually believes she’s right. They just need to prove otherwise. Marshall comes in, and says, they should have heard Epiphany sing tonight. Man… Oh. He takes it things didn’t go too well today. Portia says, Diane did great. It looks like their side is the one that’s going to need a miracle. She asks Curtis to please tell her that their bartender lead isn’t dead.

Esme says, what is this place? as Oz lets her in. He asks her to try to hide her distain, calling her princess, and saying, we can’t all live in a castle on an island. She says she won’t be there for long. Which is why she came here to tell him in person. She no longer has a boyfriend or access to his money. He says, is that right? Then she can’t afford his silence.

Chase says he doesn’t believe in fate, and Linc says he knows Chase isn’t his biggest fan. Chase says, that’s an understatement, and Linc says, but Chase doesn’t have to like him to trust he knows the music business, and he doesn’t just throw out idle compliments. Chase says he knows; he hears how Linc talks to Brook. Linc says, she’s a big girl; she can take it. Chase asks what he wants, and Linc says, a joint venture. Chase says, between Linc and him? and Linc says, being a musician is a lot of hard work, but the rewards, the money, the women, any life you want to live… When you’re a star, anything is possible. With the right management, that’s what Chase will be. Brook says, then it’s a good thing Chase has her.

Curtis says, so Ava believes Esme showed the bad guy a way off the island, and Portia says, so he could be anywhere. Curtis says, they know where he’s not. He never went back to his apartment, and he didn’t go to the motel. Portia asks how he knows for sure, and Curtis says, they have eyes on the apartment. Marshall says, and Curtis paid off a clerk to spy for them at the motel. Curtis says, according to the clerk, before the bartender took off, he left a lot of personal belongings behind. For a few more dollars, he agreed to leave the door unlocked so Curtis could do some searching. Portia says she doesn’t mean to sound impatient, but what are they waiting for then? and Marshall says, they went there earlier, and a different clerk was on duty. Curtis says, but their guy works tonight, so he’s about to head there now. There’s got to be something they can use. She says, but what if there isn’t? She’s trying to have faith, but what if this doesn’t pan out? Curtis hugs her, and says he knows.

Oz says, your break-up sounds like a you problem, but Esme says, it’s also his problem, if she no longer has access to Spencer and his family’s money. He says, what about her own money? but she says, it’s tied up in a trust. He says, cry me a river, and she says, he’s all heart. He says, she’s whining about her trust fund while he’s holed up in this place, all to take cover from the people looking for the goods on her. Hell, at this point, he might just let them find him. She says, that would be very stupid. He could go to prison. He says he’d cut a deal, and she asks what he could possibly have to offer them. He asks what she thinks. She can let herself out.

Austin says, his time is up? Seriously? Has bald guy been binge watching film noire? Bald guy says, laugh all he wants. He can laugh all the way back to Pautuck. Austin says he’s not going anywhere, and bald guy says, this is non-negotiable. Austin says, good, because he’s not negotiating. He doesn’t answer to bald guy. Bald guy says, no, he doesn’t, but Austin does answer to his boss.

Maxie asks Spinelli to tell her, who is Austin Gatlin-Holt, MD? He says, Austin Gatlin-Holt, MD, is… a perfectly decent man with an above average intellect, and an admirable FICO score. She says, and? and he says, that’s it. She asks how he’s making this sound like a bad thing, and he says, she has absolutely no future with that sort of man. She says, that makes no sense, and who is he to decide that for her? He says he just knows, even if she thinks she knows otherwise, and she asks what is really going on with him? He’s been acting squirrely for weeks, and she’s not the only one who’s noticed. He says, that’s where he takes his leave. Being compared to rodents is where he draws the line. She says, since when? Come on. She knows him better than he thinks.

Cody says he can explain, but Britt says, don’t bother. In fact, allow her to explain him to him. He says, okay, give it to him, and she says, he actually thought those tired clichés about marriage and babies would get her between the sheets with him? Man did he have this wrong. He laughs, and she asks, what is so funny? This is funny? He says, no, making me laugh at how fast he makes a serious face. She’s just so way off. The truth is – and this is going to blow her mind – he was just trying to impress her. She says, her mind is not blown. He was trying to impress her by being someone even more banal than he really is? He says, she honestly doesn’t date much, and she says she can’t imagine why. She’s just going to call it. This so-called date, time of death, right now. He’s a counterfeit Casanova, not to mention, a complete waste of her time. So crawl on out of my life, cowboy. You and the horse you rode in on. He says, it’s funny she doesn’t like horses, considering she’s such a nag… He’s sorry. He shouldn’t have said that. She dumps her drink on his head and leaves.

Esme says, she’s sorry, and Oz says, for filming that couple having sex and making it go viral, or stiffing him? She says she’s apologizing because she’s been acting like a spoiled little rich girl. She’s been handed things in life, and someone like him… He says, careful, and she says, someone who supported himself through law school, and managed to still graduate at the top of his class. That is what she meant. He says, she looked into him? and she tells him, like he said, thank God for social media. And she must say, what she found was very impressive. He says, seems to him, she’s mistaking flattery for cash, but she says, she’s not. She’s simply asking for a little time. He says, she may not have it. Those guys who tracked him down before seemed pretty determined. She asks if they were cops, but he says, no. Well, one was an ex-cop; tall, built dude. They said they were friends of his buddy Jack, so Oz gave him a ring. The guy Jack vouched for was named Marshall. She says, last name Ashford?

Portia says she’s so sorry. She knows they’re doing everything they possibly can to help. She’s just… Marshall says, a parent, and she says, and she’s terrified for her daughter. Marshall says he hates to break it to her, but when this is over – and it will be over – Trina is going to be just fine, but the worrying? It’s not going to stop. She thanks both of them, and Curtis says, she never has to thank him for looking out for Trina. He’ll always protect her as if she were his own. He’ll tell he what he finds at the motel. Marshall asks if Curtis wants him to drive, and Curtis asks if he can talk to Marshall. They step away, and Curtis asks if Marshall would mind staying. Marshall says he’ll help however he can, and Curtis says he thinks the best way for Marshall to help is by keeping Portia company. Marshall says he’s got it, and tells Curtis to keep them posted. Curtis leaves, and outside, his phone dings. He looks at it, and gets a grim look on his face.

Brook asks why Linc is still here, and Linc says he had a talk with her buddy Chase. She says she heard him going on and on about how he thinks Chase could be a star, and Linc says, she doesn’t agree? She says, she doesn’t think Chase has star quality; she knows he does. Chase says he guesses he’s the odd man out, and Brook says, honesty is part of his appeal. Linc says he agrees, which is why he thinks they can market the hell out of this wholesome, aw shucks vibe Chase has got going. Brook grabs Chase’s arm, and says, he’s not interested, pulling him over to her. Linc asks if she’ll let the man speak for himself, but she says, all business talk should go through his manager. Linc says, Chase is repped; he didn’t say. Who is he signed with? Brook says, hello. Linc is looking at her.

Curtis gets in the back seat of a limo, and sits next to Selena. He says, Miss Wu, but she insists he call her Selena, and he says, very well. Why is she at his house? She says, they’re at least 500 yards away, and he says, a distinction without a difference. She says, football players, architects, and surveyors would all disagree, and he says, fair enough, but she still hasn’t told him… She says she instructed her driver to park far away from the home Curtis shares with Portia, Trina, and Marshall. She respects Curtis’s family. It’s unfortunate there are others who don’t feel as she does.

Bald guy says, she sent a message; Austin’s gambit in Port Charles has failed. It’s time to return to the fold. Austin says, bald guy is here to make sure that happens, and bald guy says, physically if he has to. Austin asks, what if he’s not ready to go? and bald guy says he guarantees there will be consequences. Austin’s friend Maxie is right inside, isn’t she? Britt is about to walk into the Haunted Star, and sees them.

Maxie asks if whatever Spinelli is into is a threat to their daughter, but he says, this has nothing to do with Georgie. She asks, what exactly is this? She needs to know he’s not into something dangerous. She needs to know he’s not chasing some adrenaline rush that will get him into trouble, and yes, she’ll continue to badger him until he tells her, so he might as well. He says, he’s behind Society Set-Ups.

Britt says hi to Austin, and asks if he’s seen Brad around. He says, no, and bald guy says he’ll see Austin around. He leaves, and Britt asks, who’s his friend? Austin says he doesn’t know that guy; he just asked for a light. She says, it seemed like one intense casual chat, and he says, well, he is a doctor, so he gave a little bit of a sermon on the ill effects of smoking. Nobody wants to hear that they should stop doing a bad thing. She says, at least he was straight with the guy; that’s more than she can say about some people. He asks if she’s talking about anyone in particular, and she says she might be. Is it too much to asks for a man to be open and honest these days?

Spinelli tells Maxie, Society Set-Ups is owned and operated by yours truly. It’s his brainchild. She says, if this is his company, who is this Zelda person? He says, she’s just a figurehead, an outward face; the methodology is all his. She asks if he’s telling her that he’s combing through thousands of dating profiles and matching them, and he says, not quite. He developed an algorithm designed to find someone’s perfect match, and his success rate is above average of all similar services. That’s how he knows Maxie and Austin aren’t a match. She says, how would he know that when they haven’t even signed up? Don’t answer that. And if an algorithm is so great, how come Britt keeps meeting losers?

Cody asks the horses if they saw that. Who does she think she is? Granted, he shouldn’t have called her a nag; that was a little mean. Also, she’s a little unworthy of being compared to a horse. They can back him up on that. He tells Comet, she didn’t keep an open mind. She’s clearly never tried to love a horse, much less a cowboy. And to top it off, she called him a counterfeit Casanova? Although given what he’s up to, she may not be wrong.

Britt tells Chase, they have a contract, but he says, they haven’t signed it. She says, they have an agreement, and Chase says, they do. Linc asks if it’s on a napkin, and Chase says, it’s a verbal agreement. Linc says, like a handshake? and Brook says, like Chase’s word, which actually means something, unlike Linc’s. Linc tells Chase, you know what they say about verbal agreements; they’re not worth the paper they’re written on. Brook says, Chase’s word is his bond… unless he’s having second thoughts, and Chase says he’s sorry, but he’s not entirely convinced this is what he wants. She says, they’ve been over this. This isn’t the time or place to have this conversation. Maybe they should go somewhere private to discuss it. Linc says he knows he and Chase got off to a bad start, but Chase is a good guy; he’s a loyal guy. He’s got a knight-in-shining-armor vibe going on. Him? He’s got none of that. Brook says, no, he’s full of slime. Why doesn’t he go glide off? Linc says, what he does have is an ear and a head for business, and she says, like she doesn’t? He says, you tell me. Who owns most of her songs?

Selena says she assumes Trina’s trial is keeping Curtis occupied, and Curtis says, The Savoy is being looked after, but he has other priorities. She says, as he should. What’s happening to his family is terrible. By all accounts, Trina is above reproach. He says, she’s done her homework, and she says, reputation, good or bad, precedes us. He says, Trina is an admirable young woman. Now at the risk of seeming impolite, he has somewhere to be. So what business brings her here exactly? She says she’s not here on business. She’s here to help.

Oz looks at Esme’s phone and says, that’s him, and Esme says, Curtis Ashford, ex-cop, ex-P.I., now owner of The Savoy. He says, fancy. How does she know Curtis? She says, he’s involved with Trina Robinson’s mother, and he says, the girl on trial. She says, the entire family has it in for her. They can’t accept Trina did this awful thing. He says, right. Let him ask her. If she’s so innocent, what is she doing here? She says, if he admits he sold her a phone, any phone for that matter, they would use it against her. He says, definitely a you problem, and she says, just when she thought they were becoming friends, under different circumstances. He says, she was trying to work him, and she says, he was trying to extort her. He says, stay here, and brings her a drink. He says, sorry it’s not top-shelf, but she says, it gets the job done. They clink glasses, and Oz asks if her boyfriend dumped her over this whole phone business. She tells him, who says he dumped her? and Oz says, he lives in a mansion on a private island, stands to reason she didn’t get rid of him. She says, he’s faithless and weak. She’s done with boys. She puts her hand on his knee, and kisses him. They kiss some more, and he says his room is in the back. She asks if he can top her off first, and he says, she won’t run off? She says, not a chance. She woudn’t want to miss what comes next. He leaves, and she wipes her mouth. She looks at his glass, and smiles.

Marshall asks if he can get Portia a drink, but she says she doesn’t think even that will help her at this point. He says, it might not help her, but it might show these poor floors some mercy. She’s about to wear a tread in them. She says she just thought they would have heard from Curtis by now, and he asks how long she thinks Curtis has been gone. She says, longer than she’d like, and he says he doesn’t know if she’s ever seen his son in action, but he got to watch Curtis today, and he was a sight to behold. He must have made a damn fine P.I. So if there’s anything out there to find, he’s going to find it. She says, Marshall was a pretty upstanding citizen when he was arrested, wasn’t he? He says, no, he was a troublemaker, and she says, good trouble though. He says, that depends on who you ask. He didn’t have any legal representation. Trina’s in a much better position than he ever was. She says, but what concerns her a whole other level more than the legal aspect, is the emotional toll that this is taking on Trina. She knows her little girl; she’s strong. But is she equipped for the emotional stress of all of this? He says, why wouldn’t she be?

Selena says, Curtis was asking questions at The Highsider about a certain bartender-slash-black market goods stealer. She can point Curtis in his direction. He asks how she knows all this, and she says, has she surprised him? He says, just a little bit, and she says, he still doesn’t understand how far her reach is. He says he’s starting to. He takes it she has informants at The Highsider, but she says, even better; she owns it. He asks if there’s an enterprise in Port Charles she doesn’t have a stake in, and she says she sees she’s impressed him. How gratifying. Out of respect for their partnership, she had her people look into this. If he wants to know where this man is, just say the word. He asks, what’s in it for her?

Britt tells Austin, she knew she shouldn’t have gone. She knew it would turn out terrible, but she went against her better judgement, and he was completely disingenuous. Austen says, maybe he was just… She says, shoveling manure her way because he ran out of room in the barn? He says, she’s a beautiful, accomplished woman. It terrifies guys. She says, then what’s the point? More specifically, why bother her? He says, call him crazy, but maybe she’s a catch, and she says, he’s crazy. He says, if she doesn’t want to date anybody, just don’t date anybody, and she says, try telling that to her mother. They lean on the railing, and he says, you know the trouble with people? She says, there’s too many to pick just one, and he says, a lot of times, we allow people’s expectations to dictate our lives, but the good news is, they don’t owe anything to anybody but themselves. She says he sounds like he speaks from experience.

Spinelli tells Maxie, his framework is sound, but there are a few bugs, which is why he’s still in beta. And he refuses to go to the next version until he cracks it. She asks, why keep this a secret? and he says, clients trust companies more than they trust people. She says, does he think people wouldn’t use the service because they knew it was his? and he says, he’s awkward and idiosyncratic. She says, those are good qualities, and he asks how awkward is good. She says, it beats being arrogant. He’s also the kindest, smartest, most perceptive person she’s ever known. And just because she wants to make up her own mind about Austin, doesn’t mean she doesn’t trust his judgement. If she were single, she would totally trust him with her heart. Austin comes back, and asks what Spinelli and Maxie are up to, and Maxie laughs.

Brook says, this is just like Linc. First he poaches her songs, now he’s trying to poach her singer. Linc says, he can’t take something from Brook that isn’t hers, and Chase says, that’s enough. His hesitation to sign with Brook isn’t about a lack of faith in her. He completely believes in her. Linc says, so what’s the hesitation? and Chase says he doesn’t know if he believes in himself, but he knows one thing for sure. He would never, ever sign with Linc. Linc says, never say never. His friend here has a talent for scribbling lyrics, but she’s not ready for the big time. She never will be. She says, if a parasite like him can do it, how hard can it be? She tells Chase, with his voice and her vision, what more do they need? Linc says, so much more. Chase needs established industry contacts and resources, both of which, he has access to. With the right A&R development team, wardrobe, and a while cadre of experienced songwriters, he thinks Chase will be amazed what Linc can do for his career. Chase says, that is a good argument, and Brook looks at him. He says, then again, Linc is an amoral, unrepentant sleaze, and Linc says, which is exactly what it takes to make it in this business. Along with everything else he brings to the table, none of which Miss BLQ has. Brook says, Chase can’t honestly be considering this, and Linc says, how about this. Don’t sign with either one of them. Give him 30 days – give them 30 days. Let them show Chase what they can really do, then decide. Brook says, Chase, please, but Chase says, fine… if it will get Linc off his back. 30 days. Linc says he’ll be in touch, and walks away. Brook looks at Chase and smiles.

Maxie says, they were just talking about childcare, and tells Britt that she looks really nice. Britt thanks her, and says she was on a date, from Society Set-Ups. Maxie asks how it went, and Britt tells her, let’s just say she’ll never get those two hours back. Spinelli asks if she was receptive to the gentleman in question, and Britt says, what gentleman? Where’s Brad? She wanders off, and Maxie asks Austin if everything is okay. He was on that call for a while. He says he had to check in with a patient, then got to chatting with Britt. Did he miss something? She says, no. Just Spinelli being Spinelli.

Britt yells at Spinelli, asking why he keeps supporting this stupid service. He says, let him just point out as an old member, that the fine print pledges to keep sending matches until you’re 100% satisfied. She says she refuses to spend another moment on this. She’s going to do what she should have done after that disastrous mixer. Sue Society Set-Ups, and put them out of business. Forever.

Portia tells Marshall, it’s just that, too often we acquaint strength and wellness, and she can’t assume this isn’t going to have a negative impact on Trina’s well-being. He says, having schizophrenia doesn’t make him an expert on mental well-being, but it does make him more in tune with people who are struggling, and he hasn’t sensed any of that in Trina. She says, he told her that he didn’t have any symptoms before his breakdown; is that right? He says, paranoia, and of course (🍷) thinking the government was coming to get him. But those symptoms only became obvious when he looked back on them. She says, but what if Trina is burying her emotions, and she’s covering up her trauma? Sooner or later, it’s going to blow up on her, right? He says, if that happens, they’re just going to have to put her back together. In the meantime, they’ll annoy the heck out of her with their concern. He puts his hand on hers, and says, if Trina needs our help, we’re going to make sure she gets it. She says, we, huh? and he says, we. We’re family, right?

Selena says, family is important. This man is the key to helping Curtis’s family. He says he appreciates the offer, but he has leads of his own, and she says, and only so much time to follow them. She can give him an address tonight. The trial is well under way. While she respects his caution, time’s of the essence. The gentleman in question could be gone again tomorrow, and then, where will Trina be? Isn’t it worth weathering any compunction to save her?

Oz is all over Esme, but she tells him, drink up. Then he can show her his room. He asks if she’s sure her ex won’t storm in here, and downs his drink. She says, Spencer doesn’t care about her; not anymore. Besides, it doesn’t matter now. He was just a means to an end. Oz rubs his head, and says, what end? She asks if he’s feeling all right, and he says, it’s nothing. Never trust a cheap tequila. She says, or a woman scorned, and he says, what? She says, her ex had the audacity to think he could play her, but she was on to him. People constantly underestimate her; it’s so frustrating. He puts his arm around her, and says, level with him. Did she shoot that video? She asks what he thinks, and he says he thinks she’s the type who’s always looking out for number one. She says, they have that in common, and he says, you never know what… – he suddenly seems really tired – what people are capable of. She says, ain’t that the truth.

Chase asks how he was, and Brook says, just right. Her? He says, perfect. If there’s anything they can do convincingly, it’s argue. She says, they’ve certainly had enough practice. After that display, Linc knows Chase is up for grabs, and there’s nothing he won’t do until he gets Chase. Chase says, it’s nice to be wanted, and Brook tells him, like he said, they make a good team. He says, they sure do.

Spinelli tells Britt, matchmaking is not an exact science, and Maxie says, Britt’s not seriously thinking of suing the dating service, is she? Britt says, why not? Someone should sue them for false advertising. If she had her way, they’d all go to prison for fraud. Spinelli says, fraud? and Maxie says, but they won’t. Britt won’t even get a good payout. Austin says, it might not even cover her court costs, and Maxie says she knows from experience that leaving all those negative feelings and thoughts behind you will attract what’s right for you. Austin says, they’re living proof, and Maxie says, so instead of dwelling on that negativity Britt has going on, maybe she should just give dating a rest for a while. Austin says, it’s her life. She doesn’t have to share it with anyone if she doesn’t want to.

Cody leaves a voicemail for Britt, saying, he’s got no excuses. He screwed up. Just call him back when she gets this message. He’d like the chance to make it up to her.

Marshall tells Portia that Curtis was asking him about his time in the institution. He thinks Curtis is worried that his illness could be hereditary. Of all the legacies he wanted to leave his children – love of family, love of music – schizophrenia wasn’t one of them. She says, for what it’s worth (🍷), schizophrenia does tend to run in families, but no single gene has been found to be responsible. She doubts Curtis was asking Marshall about it because he was afraid he was going to inherit it. She’s sure Curtis was asking out of genuine concern for his father. Marshall says, why not both? and she says, he does have a point there. But as far as Curtis is concerned, there’s a good chance they’d know by now if he was affected. Marshall says, it’s funny. Before he told Curtis, it was his biggest secret, his greatest shame. Now that it’s out, all he wants to do is set the record straight. Answer questions; find answers to his own questions. He can finally allow himself to be seen. And isn’t that what everyone wants, just to be seen? She says, absolutely. And she just hopes the jury can see Trina for the good person that she is, and the wonderful young lady, and not for the Esme narrative that they’re trying to put on her. He tells her not to worry about that. If anyone can track down that bartender, it’s his son. And Curtis will compel him to testify. This time tomorrow, Trina’s nightmare could be over.

Oz takes off his jacket, and Esme says, he really doesn’t look well. His vision is getting weird, and he asks what she did to him. He passes out on her shoulder, and there’s a knock at the door. It’s Curtis. Esme looks like she’s in full panic mode.

There was no preview for tomorrow. Probably because this is the same show that’s going to be on tomorrow.

Southern Charm

When we left, Patricia had said, no F-words, please, and Venita asked what Kathryn needed from her to get back to where they were. Kathryn said she didn’t need sh*t, and Venita said, got it.

Leva says, she thinks sometimes the issue gets muddled, since they don’t know each other. She sees how Kathryn is receiving what Venita is saying, but she doesn’t know Venita. Kathryn says, Venita doesn’t know her either, and Venita says she’s not here to attack Kathryn. Kathryn says, Venita told her that she hoped Kathryn wasn’t raising her kids as racists, and she didn’t f***ing like that. She says, sorry, an F-word. She doesn’t give a sh*t. Patricia says, no sh*t words either, and Leva says she feels guilty for starting this, as well she should. Patricia asks Marcie to pour her some champagne before she starts drinking out of the bottle, and Venita moves on to Olivia, saying, she hopes they can understand each other. They step away from the table, and Venita tells Olivia that she wants to make sure everyone is good at her party. She’d thought she and Olivia were good, but then at Naomie’s party, she got a different Olivia. Olivia says, she got the Olivia who walked out of the bathroom and was attacked by three girls. Venita says she didn’t appreciate Olivia telling her to calm down, but Olivia says, she didn’t yell, and kept it cool. It was uncomfortable, because Venita threw out the word racist, so she walked away. Venita asks if Olivia was uncomfortable because she’s racist or because she’s not. She was coming to Kathryn’s defense. Olivia says, she didn’t like hearing that word so easily tossed out in a conversation that involved her. Venita doesn’t know her, and it’s not okay. Venita isn’t going to cancel culture her out on this. Venita says, if she had that culture, Kathryn wouldn’t be here. Patricia has Madison get Whitney on FaceTime, and she tells him that his mom is ready to go. He says he’s at a barbecue place, but she tells him that he’s going to leave and come get her. Venita tells Olivia that she won’t understand it, but as a black individual and have heard Kathryn say things, it’s hard to be in her presence. Olivia says she has nothing to do with that, and Venita says, some things don’t match up with them. Olivia says, Venita’s only known her for five minutes, and Venita says, Olivia’s known her less than five minutes. Olivia tells her, she’s not the one talking about things not matching up. Venita keeps interrupting, but says Olivia keeps interrupting and she wants to say her piece. Olivia says she’s done. She thinks Venita had her own agenda, and this isn’t the place. She suggests they get back to the party, but Venita says, they need to have a real conversation. Olivia says she’s down for that, because this conversation was weird. They go back to the table, and in Venita’s interview, she says, none of this would have happened if Madison hadn’t invited Kathryn and Olivia. They could have had a Southern moment if they hadn’t been there. How about this? None of this would have happened, and they could have had a Southern moment, if 1) Leva hadn’t decided to fix things, and 2) Venita hadn’t decided to try and orchestrate fixing thing, and saved her concerns for a more appropriate time. It seems to be the way of reality. If you have something heavy to discuss or something you’re angry about, bring it up at a party or on vacation. Little cakes with sparklers come out, and in her interview, Venita says she just wants to go home and cry on the couch. Everyone sings Happy Birthday.

Paige and Craig brush their teeth together, which creeps me out. My husband and I have never once brushed our teeth side by side. Ew. They take a golf cart to a bar, and in Craig’s interview, he says, having Paige here is the best. He’s been missing her more when she’s gone. He’s never felt this way before, and when he thinks of someone walking down the aisle to meet him, it’s her. At the bar, Paige asks about Austen, and Craig says, Austen wants him and Shep to go with him to Charlotte. She asks about Madison’s engagement, and Craig says, Austen took it well. She says, Charleston is a weird place. If she breaks up with someone, she never has to see them again. She thinks Craig going to Naomie’s party is weird. Being cordial and being friends are two different things. Craig says, they’ve been broken up for five years, what if they went to lunch? Paige says she would never have a one-on-one with someone she’d slept with, and he says, what about a drink? She says, she thinks it’s inappropriate, and he says, maybe it’s the lawyer in him. She says, the Italian in her says no. He says he likes the Italian; there are cute things about it. She says, like murder? Is there something we don’t know about Paige’s family? Did she have relatives on Mob Wives?

Austen meets Olivia, and she says he looks handsome. Her weakness is sneakers and hats on backward. No comment. They get food, and wonder what they’re going to do without Shep and Taylor. Olivia tells him about the joint birthday party, which turned into Madison’s engagement party. He says, no surprise Madison made it about her, and then goes on and on about Madison. In Olivia’s interview, she says, note to self, never bring up Madison on a date. Austen says, Madison had him convinced he was an unworthy a-hole (I’m paraphrasing), and he got emotional whiplash. In Austen’s interview, he says he and Madison were together three years, and it sucks. To show he’s bothered is a sign of weakness. He looks like a petty, weak bitch, and he f***ing hates it. He tells Olivia that it spilled into his dating life. He wants to take it… She says, slow? and in her interview, she says she likes Austen, but thinks it’s presumptuous. It’s their first solo date, why is he talking about taking it slow? They just got here. He’s over-complicating the part that should be simple, carefree, and fun. They’ve all had bad breakups, but you can’t let past issues creep into the next chapter.

Marcie tries put together a baby swing, and in her interview, she says she’s hormonal and nesting, and going crazy. If the nursery is put together, she’s prepared. Her mom Nan calls, and she says she doesn’t know what she’s doing. She has the crib set up, but no mattress. She can’t put the baby on coils. She asked the doctor about breastfeeding, and she recommended a 500 page book, but Marcie is too ADD right now to read it; she can’t focus. Nina tells her not to stress. Women have been doing it for years without a book. In Marcie’s interview, she says she’s close to her mom, but her mom is more into what other people think, and Southern traditions and ways. When she got pregnant, she wasn’t married yet, and her mom wasn’t happy. As soon as they were married though, she ran around saying she was going to have a granddaughter. Nan suggests Marcie think about a registry, and in her interview, Marcie says, there’s a double standard in the South. Everyone was worried that she wasn’t married with children, but no one said anything about Shep. She’s still the same person, but she gets respect, and they act like she won a Pulitzer Prize. Nan promises to get Marcie a stroller, and Marcie tells her to get the most expensive one.

In her interview, Venita tells us that she’s very particular. She needs to know where everything is. If her spices aren’t alphabetically correct, they need to be before she can cook. She doesn’t think she has a problem. She just likes things to be super neat. Leva comes by for tea, and tells Venita that her place is a single girl’s dream, like Sex in the City. Venita says she turned her dining room into a closet, and I identify, since I did the same thing with an extra bedroom. She shows Leva her Barbie collection, and in Venita’s interview, she says she’s been collecting Barbies for a while, and has 27 of them. You don’t take them out of the box; you just admire them and aspire to be them. Again, Venita and I do match up. I, too, collect Barbies, although I think 27 is a low number. One of my neighbor’s children wondered why I don’t take them out and play with them, and I told her, resale value. She looked at me like I had two heads, and I told her she’d understand when she’s older. Venita and Leva go out on the patio, and Leva apologizes for what happened at the garden party. She’d seen Venita was upset; that’s why she suggested talking to Kathryn. In Venita’s interview, she says, she wasn’t the best version of herself, but it was the most open she’s been. She wishes it had gone better with Olivia though. She tells Leva that the only time she gets to speak to anyone is at a party, and I think, for someone glued to her phone, she doesn’t know how to call people? Leva says, it doesn’t have to be perfect, and in her interview, Venita says, it’s okay if someone doesn’t like something regarding her. It doesn’t mean they don’t like her. She tells Leva that she wants to know if they’re just going to keep it cordial or have a friendship.  

Austen, Shep, and Craig take a 3 hour, 45 minute drive to Charlotte, with Craig doing the driving. In Craig’s interview, he says, Shep is an awful driver, and in Austen’s interview, he says, Shep’s driving terrifies him. It’s herky-jerky. He goes, slams on the brakes, and goes. In Shep’s interview, he says, Austen and Craig are effing liars. Austen says, they’ll check into the hotel, and then he has to leave for a couple of hours. He has a meeting with Harris Teeter. There are 158 of them in North Carolina, and it will really expand his business. Shep says he’s going to having lunch with his nieces while they’re here, and Craig asks if he’s going to tell them that they almost had a new cousin. They joke about how funny it would be to see Shep married with a baby carrier, and Austen says he wants the bachelor party Craig says, no one would survive Shep’s bachelor party. They get to The Ivey’s Hotel, and check out their rooms and the minibars in them. Austen gets ready for his meeting, and says, his hair is pissing him off. In his interview, Austen says, it’s the biggest meeting he’s had. It will be a huge next move; Charlotte is a bigger market than Charleston. Shep calls Taylor, and tells her Craig is like Rain Man; he’s an excellent driver. Craig calls Paige, who says she’s going to see her parents. After the call is over, Craig says he almost said, I love you. Shep tells Taylor, they’re going bowling, and there are seven or eight bars in the vicinity. She tells him to have fun, but you can tell she’s not thrilled. In his interview, Shep says, Taylor is skeptical of their time apart because of the past. We flash back to the Reunion, when he admitted to some texts with an old flame and kissing a girl he met. He says he’s over it. He’s told her over and over again, he’s not going to stop going places. Taylor says she never wants to be the woman who leaves a man because of his wandering eye, and Shep tells us, when he can’t be himself, that’s a sure-fire way for things to end.

Craig gets to the bar first, and chats with the bartender, saying he’s with a friend who’s on a goodbye tour of where he grew up. Shep shows up next, and Craig says, Shep is bouncing his leg more than usual. He asks if everything is going okay on the home front, and Shep says, Taylor is always worried he’ll cheat when he goes away. He senses angst when he goes somewhere. Craig says, those are the scars of infidelity in a relationship, and in Craig’s interview, he says, Taylor has anxiety because Shep keeps cheating. How’s she supposed to be? Shep says, if there’s a problem every time he goes away, it’s going to be a problem. As ever, he’s got a way with words. Craig wonders if there’s a way Shep can regain her trust, but Shep says, if he hasn’t by now, he never will. Craig says, only time will tell, when Austen arrives. Shep says, the beer baron is here, and Austen says, drinks are on him. He got the deal, and his top priority was to have a beer in their market. In his interview, Austen says, it’s how you prove yourself to bigger markets, and how you move to other territories. That’s the goal. Shep wonders if they asked about him, and Austen says, they asked if Shep would be part of the deal. Craig asks if Shep wants to talk about it now, or after he’s drunk, and Shep says he wants to be drunk. Austen wants to know what’s up, and, ignoring what Shep just said, Craig tells Austen, Shep had a convo with Taylor, and her insecurities are showing. They do a shot, and Shep asks if he’s going to black out. Austen says, the magic 8 ball says, highly possible.

Madison (bleh) meets Kathryn, and her friends Christy and Amy, at a bar. Kathryn says, the last time they were there, they went to Chippendale’s, and Kathryn was pulled up on the stage. We see a clip of Kathryn enthusiastically twerking on stage, and Madison says, those were the days. The drinks come, and Madison asks what they’re toasting to. Kathryn says, she’s single now, so new beginnings; to the new-new. The waitress asks if she can get them anything else, and Kathryn says, some big spenders. Kathryn tells the others that she needs to learn how to flirt; they have to teach her the ways. Madison asks what Kathryn’s type is, but Kathryn says, historically, she doesn’t have a type. She’d like a man who’s loyal, has kind eyes, and is fit enough to look like he cares about his health. Madison says, she wants someone who can pick her up, and Kathryn says she’s never had that. Is that a thing? In Kathryn’s interview, she says, tall, dark, and handsome; Hayden Christianson. They show a picture of him, and I’m like, uh… no. Madison says, Brett legit makes her a better person, and in her interview, she says, Austen told her that she was picking the wrong guy. Who does that instead of just saying, congratulations? What does he have to offer? Ramen in a trap house? She tells the others that Brett is in Sacramento, so they’re going to do bicoastal, and they’re not moving in together until they’re married. In Madison’s interview, she says, when she found out he was a Mormon, she asked if she had to wear those undergarments. She usually doesn’t wear any. She tells the women that they’re not having sex for a month before they’re married.

The guys go to the next bar, meet Austen’s friend Whitley (not to be confused with Whitney), then go bowling. Shep says he needs to get out of a mood, and they order a ton of food. Craig tells everyone to remember what Shep says, ignore the problem, and it will go away. In Craig’s interview, he says, Shep is a one-man band, a solo performer. He goes where he wants when he wants. Shep’s not a relationship guy. He’s not cut out for it. Shep shows them tons of texts from Taylor, saying, she loves him, and she’s not against him; she’s worried he’s angry; and she’s anxious about how she acted. In Austen’s interview, he says, once you stray, trust is broken, and it’s an ongoing battle. Taylor has proved it’s going to bother her forever. Austen tells Craig that Taylor is acting on her insecurities, and Craig says, Taylor thinks it’s a campfire, but to Shep, there are landmines and gasoline all around. If the fire keeps getting stoked, it’s going to explode. Yeah, I have no idea what he’s talking about either. Shep chats up a girl at the bar, and Austen says he knows sh*t. Craig says, everyone knows sh*t except Taylor.

Next time, Austen goes to his childhood home; Venita isn’t invited to someone’s oyster party, and she says she’s never not been invited to something in her entire life; Chleb tells Naomie that he feels gaslighted; and Olivia is waiting for the day Austen stops paying attention to Madison.

☎️ That Answers That Question…

Finally, Taylor decided to dodge the bullet that is Shep.

https://people.com/tv/southern-charm-shep-rose-and-taylor-ann-green-split/

🛣  Walking the Line…

I’ll check to be sure, but it sounds like the soap tomorrow will be the same as today’s. But still stop by for tea time, words to ponder, and a thoughtfully chosen tune. Until then stay safe, stay considering the cost before making your choices, and stay always remembering, everybody wants to be seen.