What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Jason talks to Spinelli on the phone, saying they have to prove Nelle set up Carly. He tells Spinelli that she left a trail somewhere, and they have to find it. He opens the door, and Kim is there.

Curtis sees Sam sitting on a bench. She’s like, hi, stranger, and he says he’s been making merry. Since he proposed to Jordan, she can’t blame a brother for wanting to celebrate. She says he missed a lot last night. He says he’s a good investigator, but bows to her expertise, and asks how she figured out that Peter was Henrik.

Peter tells Drew that it’s a simple transaction. Help him get out, and he’ll give Drew the means to remember his life as Drew. It’s in his possession.

Nina calls Nora from the hospital. She wants to start divorce proceedings, and wants Nora to represent her. Obrecht surprises her. She asks if the baby is okay. Nina says he’s small, but growing every day, and Maxie is doing fine. Obrecht wants to see her grandson, but Nina says there are a few things she needs to know.

Alexis looks at a picture of Mikkos, and goes through some Cassadine keepsakes. Her doorbell rings. It’s Valentin. He calls her Natasha. I love that name. It’s too bad she didn’t keep it. I had a German Shepherd named Natasha.

Elizabeth asks Kiki if David actually propositioned her. She’s not doubting it; she just doesn’t want to misunderstand. Kiki says he offered her his hotel key, and told her that he’d be waiting, if she wanted a better evaluation. It’s not the first time he came on to her.

Kim hopes Jason doesn’t mind; Josslyn gave her the address. He tells her it’s not a good time. She says she wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t important. Drew is about to take a terrible risk, and she thinks Jason is the one person who can stop him.

Sam tells Curtis how Peter had already made arrangements to meet Anna, but thank God, Jason showed up. Curtis wonders, if Jason got the drop on Peter, why is he still alive? Sam says Anna threatened to kill Jason, and Curtis says that’s taking law enforcement to the next level. She tells him to brace himself – Anna is Peter’s mother. She explains that Faison got Anna pregnant, she gave the baby up, and now they have Peter. (Really. The explanation was that simple.) Curtis thinks that explains why there’s no record of a history; it was forged. Sam doesn’t think it was entirely, and that the past couple of years, Peter was living under his new name. Curtis asks what happens to him now. Sam says the WSB is working on extradition. Curtis says he knows he’s fired. Sam tells him that Drew put out a press release. Now the truth is out. She thinks Drew needs time to himself to figure out who he is, and she needs to rebuild her own life.

Peter tells Drew that the baseline map of his memories is on the flash drive. It was hidden in an ornament, and given to Anna. She wasn’t aware of it, and donated it to the park Christmas tree, where he appropriated it. A copy of Drew’s memories is his for a price.

Valentin wants to solicit Alexis’s work as an attorney. He’ll pay her hourly, and make a generous contribution toward her daughter’s charity. He wants to move the bulk of his assets to a trust for Charlotte, and avoid any potential legal difficulties. Alexis asks if he’s worried about a lawsuit, and he says he can’t be too careful, but not yet. She asks why her, and he says she’s family; they should help each other. He looks at a piece of jewelry in her keepsake box.

Julian leaves a message for Kim to stop by Charlie’s. Lucas shows up there, and tells Julian he needs help. It’s about his biological mother.

Obrecht asks Nina to explain, and Nina says Peter delivered the baby by the side of the road. Obrecht says she’ll bake him a strudel to thank him. Nina says there’s more. He’s really Henrik. Obrecht says that’s not possible. She remembers Henrik as shy and clumsy, tripping over his own feet. Nina says, obviously, he’s changed. He was Maxie’s friend, and at the fundraiser with her. He was also there when Nathan got shot. Faison wasn’t going to Crimson to find Maxie, but to find Peter, and Nathan was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Obrecht asks if Maxie knows, and Nina tells her yes. Peter is in jail, but she doesn’t know what’s going to happen. Obrecht says there’s time to deal with that later, but now she wants to see her grandson. Nina says she’s not finished.

Jason tells Kim, whatever is going on, he can’t help. Carly is his priority. Kim is sorry about what’s happened, but Carly’s life isn’t on the line, and Drew’s might be. Jason says Drew can take care of himself, but Kim says he’s also Oscar’s father – Jason’s nephew. Oscar is just getting to know him, and if he loses him, it will break his heart. She asks if he’ll hear her out for Oscar’s sake, and Jason agrees.

Sam tells Curtis that she and Drew acquired Aurora to create a safe lifestyle for their family, and she thinks they did that. She wants to support him, and thinks she has, but she’s not wired that way. Curtis gets it. She wants variety, stimulation, meeting new people, and challenges that make her think quickly on her feet. They’re wired the same way. He tells her to look no further. He’s her partner.

Drew says Peter had the flash drive since Christmas. He could have made it known, or given it to someone anonymously, but held on to it just in case. Peter says, preparing for every eventuality is good business practice. Drew says it’s not business; it’s his life. Peter says it has everything on it, and it’s his gift to Drew – if he gets him out of there.

Nina tells Obrecht that Valentin knew. Obrecht says he worked for Faison, so probably saw Henrik when he was home on breaks from school. He also knew Henrik’s mother. Obrecht says she was a streetwalker; one of the many Faison hired to resemble Anna. Nina says, wrong. He never knew the truth. Henrik’s mother is Anna.

Alexis tells Valentin that rooting through her things is no way to solicit her services. He asks if she was feeling nostalgic, and she says she was feeling grateful to escape with her sanity intact. Valentin says he has failings, but galloping insanity isn’t one of them. Alexis says, no, but he inherited a lack of scruples, morality, and a semblance of a conscience. He says he thought she tried to avoid everything Cassadine, but she says she was trying to fill in the gap. Valentin says if she works for him, he’ll tell her everything.

Kiki tells Elizabeth that at first, David was super nice and complementary. He suggested medical school, and encouraged her through the whole process. It was when he started insisting on taking her out for meals and giving her gifts, things got weird. She thought he was just being a mentor. Elizabeth says a mentor isn’t supposed to behave like that. Kiki didn’t want to seem ungrateful or over sensitive. She didn’t know how far it had gone until he kissed her a few months ago. Then she thought maybe she’d misunderstood, and had sent the wrong signals. She told him she didn’t have those kinds of feelings for him, and he seemed to accept it, but then treated her differently. When he wasn’t being extra hard on her for little things, he was super nice, and easy going, and acted like the reprimands and chewing out never happened. He showed her a draft of her evaluation. It was a disaster, but he told her there was still time for revisions – if she was waiting in his hotel room. Elizabeth asks if Kiki thinks he’s there, but she thinks he’s still lurking around somewhere. Elizabeth says he’s about to get what’s coming to him.

Kim tells Jason that Andre thinks at best, he can remove Jason’s memories from Drew, and he won’t recall anything before he came to Port Charles. At worst, he could have severe brain damage. He’s risking the ability to reason and feel, but he wants his own life without Jason’s memories. Jason asks what he can do, and Kim asks if he thinks Drew won’t listen because of Sam.

Sam asks if Curtis wants to open a PI firm and he’s inviting her to join him. He says he already has a thriving business, but there’s too much work to do it alone. She asks if he’s trying to recruit her before she’s his biggest competition. He says she knows how valuable a partner is, and it would be a smart move. Even their names sound great – Ashford and Caine. Sam messes with her ring, and tells him it’s McCall; she already filed paperwork to change it back. Curtis likes it even better – Ashford and McCall. She asks why his name is first, and he says it sounds better. He can also offer the argument that it’s alphabetical, like Lennon and McCartney. It was argued for years who was more talented and appealing, but both were brilliant, and more so together. She says it’s one of the best arguments she’s heard, and he asks if it worked. She says she doesn’t know. She has to talk to Drew. She has things to finalize with him, and a few loose ends tie up.

Drew asks if Peter wants him to break him out. Peter says he should know how; he did for his father. He can make the choice to be the man he was meant to be, or carry his brother’s memories. Drew tells him Andre has agreed to oversee the procedure, and wipe out Jason’s memories. Peter says, without the flash drive, there’s no way to restore Drew’s memories, but Drew says, who knows? Maybe they’re still there. Peter says maybe they’ll come back without Jason’s memories there, or he’ll have no mind at all. Drew says it’s a risk he’ll have to take. Peter says it would be an even trade; he’s making a mistake. Drew says he’s made a lot of them, but he’s not going to make the mistake of setting him free. He calls Peter Henrik, and tells him to enjoy his time there. He leaves, as Peter calls after him.

Obrecht is shocked, and Nina says there’s no question that Anna is Peter’s mother. She had the baby in secret, and gave it away. Valentin found out, and took the baby, giving it to Faison. He never told Faison that Anna was the mother. Obrecht says if Faison had known the baby was the product of a union with Anna, he would have been more obsessed. Peter never would have escaped. Nina tells her that Valentin said the same thing. Obrecht suggests they see the baby. They have a living reminder of her beautiful son, and Nina’s beautiful brother.

Lucas gives Julian a baby scrapbook, and says his mother’s thoughts are fuzzy about his grandparents. He asks if Julian could fill it in. Julian couldn’t be happier. Did Lucas think he’d turn him down? Lucas says he’d be within his rights; they asked him to keep his distance. Julian understands parents protecting their child. Lucas says they have to get the child before they can protect it. The birth mother could change her mind any time during the process. It’s far from a done deal. She could pull the rug out at any time.

Alexis wonders what Valentin is really up to, and he asks what he’d have to gain by lying? She tells him just because she doesn’t know his motive, doesn’t mean he doesn’t have one. He says, spoken like a true Cassadine. No one knows the family better than he does. She says the family didn’t know he existed. Neither one of them had any meaningful contact with their father. Valentin says he’s a demon for research, and has learned a lot since living on the estate. She says it was left to him as a last resort. Their father would never have named his daughter as heir. He asks if she had wanted to inherit it, and she says, hell no, but he says it’s sweet to get validation, even if it’s too late. She asks why she’d want to resurrect Mikkos, and he says sometimes we’re drawn to what hurts us the most.

Kim says Jason’s personal life is none of her business, but Oscar is. Oscar needs Drew, and she wonders if part of why he wants the procedure is because of the of the break up. She can’t imagine what it’s like; which feelings are his or Jason’s. Jason wants nothing to do with it, but Kim asks if he can’t just try and tell him not to take the risk. He says it’s not his choice to make. Kim asks what he’d do in Drew’s place, and Jason says if the only way to be free is to risk everything, it would be worth it. He’d rather die than have someone else controlling him. Maybe Drew feels the same way.

Peter hears someone, and thinks it’s Drew, but it’s Sam. She bets he wasn’t expecting to see her. The only reason he’s alive is that he saved Jason’s life, and could have the answer to rebuild Drew’s. For that, and that alone, she’s grateful. He asks, how grateful?

Drew remembers talking to Jason at the gym, and saying when he looks in the mirror, all he sees is Jason. He doesn’t remember before 2013, but feels like he was there, and doesn’t want Jason’s baggage. He calls Andre, and says he knows what he wants to do.

Nina shows Obrecht the baby, and she marvels at his tininess. o the baby she marvels Deanna asks if Nina is checking on James again, and Nina says he’s quite the looker. Obrecht is thrilled that the baby is named James. She can’t conceive of a finer name.

Alexis tells Valentin that she can do research herself. He says, then he’ll take his leave, but asks her to consider his offer. She says she does excellent research on her own, and he says assuming she knows where to look. She blocked the memory of her mother’s murder. How much of her life is a mystery to her? She tells him to get his portfolio. She needs a full accounting of his assets.

Kiki tells Elizabeth she can’t confront David, but Elizabeth says they’ll take it to administration. Kiki says it will be her word against his, and she’ll be labeled a troublemaker. Elizabeth says that’s what he wants her to think. He’s hoping that her being scared keeps her silent, but he’ll hopefully roll over as soon as he’s called out. Kiki says maybe she misinterpreted him, but Elizabeth says he’s harassing her; there’s no other way to read it. He offered her his hotel room key. Elizabeth had a similar experience as a teen – not the rape – but she felt powerless, thinking the behavior was her fault. No one has the right to make her feel like that, and there’s no way to make it better except speaking up.

Kim asks if Jason thinks Drew is making the right choice, but he says it doesn’t matter. Kim says it does. The more she talks to him, the less he reminds her of Drew. If he’s patient, maybe Drew’s memories will come back on their own. Jason suggests she tell him that. She says if Jason is willing to die to be free, what would convince him otherwise? He says the people he loves. If Sam asked him not to; Sonny or Carly. Carly would tell him he couldn’t do it, because she needs him, and it wouldn’t be fair to risk leaving his kids. She’d tell him it sucks, but people live through worse. Kim asks if that would be enough. He says he can hear Carly in a way he can’t hear anyone else. Maybe Drew can hear her the same way. She says, maybe, and thanks him, saying he’s been a lot of help.

Peter tells Sam to listen carefully; there’s not much time. She says grateful isn’t the same as owing. He kept Drew’s life from him; he kept Jason away for five years. He asks, what about Scout? She’ll wonder why her father doesn’t smile or speak while he’s lying in the hospital. If Andre removes Jason’s memories, he has nothing to replace them with. He says to tell him not to risk it. He needs the flash drive.

Curtis sees Nina, and asks if she knows any nephews who need a teddy bear, and hands her one. He sees she’s teary, and asks if it’s about the baby. She says they’re good tears, and he asks what he’s missing. She says her husband turned out to be everything everyone warned her about; she’s divorcing him. He gives her a hanky. Is he related to Nathan too?

Julian understands Lucas is nervous, but there’s no reason to get worked up. Lucas says state law says the mother has thirty days to revoke the adoption. Julian is puzzled, asking how they’re expected to hold their breath, and not truly call the baby their own. Lucas doesn’t like it, but he gets it; it’s the law. It’s a semi-open adoption; she gets to know them, but they don’t get to know her. They knew the risk getting into it. They knew it could all fall apart. Julian doesn’t want to see him hurt, but Lucas says it’s not his family, and he’s not doing anything to screw it up.

Alexis looks at Valentin’s portfolio, and says it’s a lot of material. He’s worth a lot of money. He says he’ll pay double if she can get it done as quickly as possible. She says he’s going to have to discuss some things with Nina, but he tells her Nina isn’t in the frame of mind to take calls. She tells him amends are made through actions. She hopes he’s not doing this just to get on Nina’s good side.

Kiki asks Elizabeth if she thinks she should report David. Elizabeth says it’s not about her, but whatever Kiki decides, she’ll support her. Kiki says, even if she decides to be a coward? Elizabeth says what David is doing is wrong. She has every right to report him. She doesn’t need to, but by staying quiet, he’ll be emboldened to continue. Maybe not with her, but the next vulnerable person. Kiki says it will be her fault, but Elizabeth says, no. He’s responsible for his behavior; not her. She doesn’t want Kiki to carry regret. She’s not powerless. If she can find the strength to stand up to him, she can stop him. Kiki asks, what if no one believes her, and Elizabeth says, she does, and she’ll be by her side every step of the way. Kiki says, okay; let’s go.

Alexis looks at Mikkos’s picture. Julian calls, but she doesn’t answer.

Obrecht tells the baby it’s her, is oma. She says how beautiful he is, like his father. She gets teary, and says she’s so sorry she wasn’t there when he was born, but she’s there now, and will never be far again. As long as she’s in the world, he has nothing and no one to fear. She promises. She will make sure of it.

Valentin comes to Peter’s cell. Peter says, if it isn’t his old friend.

Drew sees Kim outside Kelly’s. She says she was thinking about their conversation earlier. He says, him too. He’d like to talk some more as soon as it’s all over. He just got off the phone with Andre, and they’re going ahead. The next time she sees him, he’ll be himself, and not anyone else. He leaves before she can say anything else.

On the phone, Jason tells Spinelli that Nelle had to buy the scarf somewhere. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Sam. She needs his help.

Tomorrow, Kiki files a complaint against David, Andre asks if Drew wants to reconsider, Sam wants Jason to help break Peter out, and Obrecht confronts Anna.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Still at dinner after the mystery party. Carol tells Bethenny she talks a lot. Bethenny says Carole is being whiny. Tinsley thinks their tone is off. Bethenny says they were in different place this summer, and she doesn’t need Carole lecturing her. They keep interrupting each other, and Carole gets up. In her interview, Sonja thinks it’s not getting anywhere. Carole isn’t articulating her point, and Bethenny is hurt. Carole insists Bethenny never told her about Adam refusing the trip to Houston. Bethenny says she called Carole, and said that Adam was an operator, and asked if they could be done with him. Carole says other people told her that Bethenny talked smack about Adam, but she never said anything about inviting him to Houston. In her interview, Carole says Bethenny is blatantly lying. Bethenny says she thought she pushed a button with Adam and went too far, and Carole told her everyone was an operator when it came to business. LuAnn interjects, and Carole says no one wants to hear her. LuAnn says Carole and Adam met in her kitchen, and brings up how he was dating her niece at the time; he is an operator. Ramona says it took him three years to operate, and LuAnn says, however long it takes, and calls him a little boy from the Midwest. Bethenny and Carole talk at the same time, which I hate. Carole whines that Bethenny never congratulated her on the marathon, but she called LuAnn a loser. LuAnn is like, what? Why? Bethenny says she doesn’t know and doesn’t know that she did. LuAnn says, if she’s a loser, the rest of the world is screwed. In her interview, she asks if she looks like a loser. She thinks she’s great. Carole calls Bethenny a phony. She thinks it’s okay to say what she has to say, but then she’s done. Carole asks if she’s playing the victim, and Dorinda yells that they can make it okay. In her interview, Dorinda says it’s not about who’s right or wrong, but that feelings were hurt, and why isn’t the friendship the same?

Carole thinks Bethenny doesn’t care enough about the friendship to come to terms with what was said. In her interview, Ramona says Bethenny only wants to understand her own POV, but she’s hurting inside. Bethenny tells Carole if she didn’t care about the friendship, she wouldn’t be tolerating the conversation; it’s ridiculous. She tells Carole not to act like she’s seven. They both get up. Bethenny feels betrayed. She might have thought LuAnn was a loser, but it was sh*tty of Carole to bring it up. LuAnn says it’s more sh*tty to say it in the first place. Bethenny says LuAnn has said bad things about her. LuAnn gets up and says she doesn’t care what Bethenny thinks, but kind of jokes around. Bethenny says they’ve all said negative things about each other at one time or another, but she didn’t expect that from Carole. In her interview, Carole says Bethenny can never admit she’s less than perfect. Carole tells Ramona that Bethenny wasn’t supportive of her running the marathon, and didn’t even give a donation, but she didn’t even say anything. Bethenny says, so much more came out than she’d intended originally. She says you can’t put toothpaste back in the tube. Now she can’t trust Carole. LuAnn says, no loser here, and tells them, ciao, bella. Then she realizes that’s Italian, and says, au revoir.

Ramona tells Carole that she felt their pain, but neither one of them was making sense. She knows they love each other. Bethenny is within earshot, and says Ramona is on stage because she’s there; that wasn’t what Ramona was saying a second ago. In her interview, Bethenny says Ramona thrives on others being in discord; she revels in it. Ramona says she knows their friendship, and this is upsetting to see. Dorinda brings out a birthday cake for herself, and everyone sings. Dorinda puts her face in the cake. In her interview, she says she had to do something to make them laugh, but didn’t consider the candles were in it. Now she has a new hairline. She does it again, and a third time for LuAnn. All in the name of distraction. She wants to get the party started, and puts her face in the cake again. LuAnn licks her. Someone says, one, two, three, and they all say, you made it nice.

LuAnn says she came for a fun night; let’s get on with the party. Bethenny tries to put on an elf jumpsuit, but Dorinda tries getting into it at the same time. They’re drunk and laughing, and Bethenny says she has a Santa suit. Dorinda says she owns Santa.

Carole tells Dorinda that Bethenny is crazy. She’s seeing through the lens of her own experience, like narcissists do. She never said anything about Adam. Bethenny walks in, and in her interview, Ramona says, forget a knife, you could cut the tension with a spoon. Dorinda says it’s not about her, and they should talk. Carole tells Bethenny that she doesn’t want to fight. They both said their piece. Bethenny doesn’t feel that way. Carole insists she heard about Houston from someone else. Bethenny thinks she must be missing something like a text. She didn’t just say, Adam sucks, out of the blue.

Tinsley says, the night is still young. Bethenny says Carole seems to be more into self-care. Carole is offended at being called selfish, but Bethenny tells her that she didn’t say that. She seems more self-involved, and she was letting Carole do Carole. She’s not mad at her. In her interview, Carole says Bethenny needs a reality check. She didn’t change who she is. LuAnn gives Ramona a lap dance. In her interview, Sonja says she loves the part of the party, where everyone is drunk and dry-humping. I don’t think I’ve been at a party like that since high school. Bethenny tells Carole she was too deep into her charity, with everyone depending on her, and Carole didn’t seem interested; which is fine. She says the conversation got to a ten, and Carole suggests they’ve brought it to a seven, but Bethenny doesn’t want it to be anything. Carole asks if there are more holiday PJs. Bethenny says Dorinda stole the other pair.

The Berkshires in the snow is absolutely gorgeous. LuAnn wakes up, saying, water. Everyone laughs at each other’s hair. LuAnn needs the spa. Bethenny says it’s like a bad lesbian porno flick. Dorinda tells them there’s a coffee station downstairs. In her interview, Dorinda says, strangely, everyone is in great shape. They’re tough bitches. Sonja shows Dorinda the before photos of their room. Bethenny says she’s feeling upset and emotional. It doesn’t matter who’s right. She doesn’t want Carole upset. She just wants to make it nice. Ramona tells Dorinda that they left it cleaner than when they came. Dorinda says she gets a star. She thinks they had success; everything is solid in the house, and maybe Carole and Bethenny got something out.

Contractor Leo arrives at Sonja’s. She doesn’t want to spend money, but has to, to make money. She tells Leo that she had sex on the sink in the staffroom, and it pulled off the wall. She’d like him to reattach it. She did glue the towel holder back though. He’s like, great.

Bethenny tries to start a fire in the apartment fireplace. It’s her version of an NYC holiday party. Tinsley is the first to show up, and Sonja follows. In her interview, Bethenny says Sonja is feeling herself. She’s always beautiful, but looks fresh as a daisy and knows it. Sonja tells Tinsley about wanting to move out, and not having a place yet; she’s allergic to construction. Tinsley says of course she can stay with her. Dorinda says three things happen every year: their trip to the Hamptons, their trip to the Berkshires, and Bethenny’s holiday party. The others trickle in. LuAnn is hosting a blood drive, and thanks Tinsley for her donation. Bethenny says she can’t come, but she’ll be sending something. Carole is the last to arrive, and the food starts happening. In her interview, Carole says she’s not feeling any better about Bethenny, but doesn’t want to escalate it. She also doesn’t want to hear any sh*t.

Bethenny tells everyone they’re playing white elephant, where if you don’t like your gift, you can claim another person’s gift. She says it should be called, screw over your best friend for a better gift. Carole says she’s keeping hers, but Bethenny says it’s not her choice, and passes out Santa hats. Dorinda thinks LuAnn’s gift is something she already gave to Ramona. Someone says there’s a special delivery, and Bethenny freaks out. It’s the nutcracker she’d wanted for Brynn, being carried by Dorinda’s decorator, Michael. He says there was only one in America. Bethenny says he found it, and Dorinda says, she did. In her interview, Dorinda says she isn’t the type to look for a thank you, but a little mention of her name would be nice. Carole can’t help noticing the irony, since Bethenny called out Tinsley for not being grateful to Sonja. Bethenny says Dorinda saved Christmas, so there’s that.

Ramona gets some beauty products, and says something about her own skincare line. Bethenny says she wasn’t expecting an infomercial. In her interview, Ramona thinks it would be nice if Bethenny would be more supportive. LuAnn says she’s going to Palm Beach for the holidays, and Sonja asks if Tom is going there for New Year’s. LuAnn has no idea. In her interview, Sonja says LuAnn has been avoiding Tom, and now she’s going back to the scene of the crime. LuAnn says she’s just going to be there for Christmas. Bethenny thinks he’s moved on, and has a busted-up girlfriend. LuAnn is like, what?Sonja says he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and Ramona says he has a different girlfriend every night, and Bethenny apologizes, saying Carole had said he did. LuAnn says, it’s history, but doesn’t want to talk about it. In her interview, Bethenny admits she was uncool all over the place by mentioning it. In her interview, LuAnn says, Tom should live under a rock. She can’t believe how fast he moved on with parading women around.

After the party, Bethenny, Tinsley, Ramona, and Sonja have a last drink. Bethenny thinks Carole looked sad. Ramona thinks it was just the long weekend, but Bethenny says Carole might be lonely without Adam, and not accessing her feelings.

LuAnn comes into the Red Cross for the blood drive she’s hosting. She’s gotten tight with them, and wanted to help collect blood for the holidays. Because they’ve been in Mexico in the last year, they can’t give blood, and she feels awful about it. Ooh, they have little shepherd’s pies. No orange juice and a cookie for these people. Bethenny sends a representative, who brings cash cards to give to those affected. Sonja asks Carole how she is, telling her the others thought she looked sad. LuAnn asks if she’s sad. Carole is miffed that they were talking about her.

Sonja chats with the donors. LuAnn asks about the nutcracker situation. She’d thought Michael got it. Dorinda says she’s dumbfounded. Carole says it was awkward. In her interview, Dorinda says she was excited about achieving something Bethenny couldn’t. It would have been nice to get a shout out. Carole asks Ramona about the feeling sad comment. Ramona says Bethenny mentioned she looked sad, and thought she was upset and lonely. Carole thinks Bethenny is talking about herself. She has a hard time maintaining and creating friendships. Painting her as sad over a breakup isn’t true. Carole says the only thing she’s sad about, is Bethenny not talking directly to her. Sonja demands a snack. Carole brings up Bethenny jumping on Ramona for her infomercial. Dorinda asks why they allow someone to speak to them like she does? In her interview, Ramona says Bethenny isn’t supporting any of them. They do the see you next year thing. In her interview, Tinsley says she’s glad to let Sonja stay wit her, and return the favor. Constipation is discussed, so I’ll skip that part.

Ramona is walking her dog when Bethenny calls. She says she’s unsettled and upset. She doesn’t have many girlfriends. Ramona interrupts, asking what’s her point? In her interview, Bethenny says Sonja told her there was a lot of whispering and negative talk about her at the Red Cross. She tells Ramona that she wanted to express how hurtful it was. She says Carole is good friend. She thinks there have been difficult moments with Ramona, and she’s done emotional damage. Ramona says she’s in a good place, and not dealing with this negativity. Bethenny says Ramona enjoys her arguing with Carole, and Ramona tells Bethenny not to blame her problem with Carole on her. Bethenny says she doesn’t have a problem with Carole, and Ramona asks why she’s talking about it then. Bethenny says it’s unacceptable to prey on the weak, and she doesn’t support women. Ramona says Bethenny is the one who doesn’t support women. She doesn’t acknowledge anybody for doing anything. And she had the audacity to jump on Ramona because she talked about her skincare line, saying she was doing an infomercial. She tells Bethenny about how upset Dorinda was about not being acknowledged. In her interview, Bethenny says she didn’t know she had to send a wax-sealed proclamation. Ramona says Bethenny’s problem is with herself, not her. She puts others down to make herself look good. She wants no part of it, and hangs up. I hate to say it, but I’m mostly on Ramona’s side with this one.

LuAnn’s realtor friend, Ann, comes over. LuAnn is thrilled with her apartment, a furnished penthouse on the upper west side. Yep. It’s incredible. Rich people’s digs. Ann says it’s the perfect spot for a new life; a new chapter. In her interview, LuAnn says her life is a clean slate, and she’s writing her own story. LuAnn says she’s going to have a good time here. In her interview, she says she’s going to visit her brother in Florida for the holidays. After that, she’s going to a wedding in Chile.

48 hours later. We’re in Florida, and hear sirens. LuAnn is in the back of a police car, saying she’s going to kill someone. She keeps trying to get out of the car, which I have to admit, is funny. It’s the recording of her holiday arrest. We see a news clip of her arraignment. The judge tells her the charges are serious, hire a lawyer, and stop drinking.

To be continued…

Next time, LuAnn isn’t proud, Tinsley can’t believe it, Tinsley tells Sonja her rules are no rules, and Bethenny asks Carole what she wants.

Below Deck Mediterranean

When we last left, Hannah was calling out João for not speaking to her properly. She tells him to sit the eff down, and Adam tells him to STFU. João sits, but calls her a goat.

Back on the boat, everyone has snacks. Hannah says she’s too old to be treated like this. Several of the crew sit on the floor, eating ice cream. João continues to act like a jerk, and Adam tells him to get out of the galley and go to bed. Conrad says he was going to diffuse the situation, but they didn’t need him. João asks what he did, and Adam says he caused a problem with Hannah. João doesn’t remember. Brooke likes having him to talk to, since she just broke up with her boyfriend. He gets in her bed, and tells her how amazing and hot she is. Hannah comes in for a millisecond, and comes back out.

Hannah hopes Kasey is able to pick up her own slack, now that she’s better. In his interview, João explains that he has an alter-ego, Jezabob, who comes out when he drinks to the blackout point. He’s never met him, but people say how he is, and he wouldn’t like him either. Adam tells João that he called Hannah a goat.

The unpredictable weather is acting up. Colin doesn’t think João is very professional, and says he’d better not pull that stuff on deck. Brooke calls her mom. Brooke is the one who outed her dad with his online activities, and they’re there for each other. She cries about her ex, and her mother tells her not to get bogged down by stupid men. A lesson for us all. She tells her mom about João, and how she blushes when he speaks to her. She says last night they admitted they like each other. But will he remember?

João says Hannah thinks it’s all about her. No, she’s probably just ignoring you, so she doesn’t punch you. Colin doesn’t want to mess up, because it makes the whole crew look bad. However, if he looks good, the whole crew looks good. Wow. A lot of weight on his shoulders.

The primary is Jennifer, a friend of Captain Sandy’s, who does vaginal rejuvenation. A topic I will never, ever be able to get away from. The captain says it’s a shorter charter, but there’s bad weather coming, and they’re going to have to stay docked. She does not want to look bad, and tells them to figure it out, and thinks of some creative things. She’s going to be hovering. In her interview, Hannah says when they’re on the water, they can entertain the guests with water toys, but when they’re at the dock, interior has to step up. Captain Sandy suggests taking them out on the tender, so they can pretend to be on the water. Hannah sees the preference sheet says Jennifer wants to work out with a hot Italian trainer.

Brooke asks João if he remembers their conversation, and he says, some of it. He’s lying. She says they both admitted had chemistry, and it’s too hard if he’s flirting all the time. She wants him to stop; she wants to focus on work. He says he’ll try. Kasey asks if she can wash red shirts with underwear. In her interview, Hannah says it’s definitely a problem, which is the last thing she needs, especially when they’re not getting off the dock.

Captain Sandy goes over what the deckhands are supposed to be doing. Jamie hopes Kasey is okay, so she doesn’t have to work the interior. João tells Kasey about his alter ego. Conrad and Hannah go for a smoke, and lie on the dock, getting sun. Hannah asks what he’s doing after, and he wants to buy his first house. In his interview, Conrad says he learned early on from his parents about equity. They flipped houses, did well, and he doesn’t want yachting to be his life. Hannah says she has a nice shoe collection.  Kasey hopes prove herself, and Brooke says there’s no chance of seasickness, since they’ll be on the dock. Kasey hopes to show she can pull her weight. Putting red anything in with underwear is not the way. Adam makes a tart. That’s not a euphemism for anything; he makes a dessert. Hannah calls for the trainer. She’s also set up a pizza making course on shore, and confers with Adam on accompanying dishes.

The captain says Jennifer is her friend, and she wants them to do a great job. She tells Adam to knock it out of the park, because she’s still stuck on baseball references. He says he’s going to make a lot of sweet stuff. Sandy asks if they can launch the tender, but Conrad says no boats are leaving, and they’ll be stuck in the dock. In her interview, Captain Sandy explains they can’t launch the tender, because there are boats on both sides. She asks why he didn’t offload previously, since she told him too. We see a clip, and yes, she did. Captain Sandy is officially pissed. Conrad says not being on top of things sux. The captain thanks Jamie for helping with the interior, and tells her that she’ll be helping this charter woo. Jamie is like, sh*t! The captain says Jennifer will be having a birthday party, and she’s thinking rap style.  Colin is used to performing, but not rap. Hannah tells Kasey about last minute clean-up. Captain Sandy tells them to keep an eye on the cushions. The wind is kicking up.

The guests arrive, and Jennifer is overly friendly. Captain Sandy says she wants it special, even though they can’t leave the dock. Jennifer is clearly disappointed, but the captain says she saw the waves. Jennifer says she sees the sun, and Captain Sandy says the crew will make sure they have blast. Hannah apologizes for the weather, and gives the tour. Jennifer asks if the boat needs a resident GYN. Hannah is thinks that would be cool. Adam says he’s going to go above and beyond the preference sheet. His goal is to keep Sandy happy. Kasey irons. João bothers her. In her interview, Kasey thinks she’s doing great job, because not getting yelled at. João gives her ironing hints. Jamie says it’s Murphy’s Law. She still can’t do deck stuff. Captain Sandy tells the guests they’ll make sure they have fun. I’m wondering why they can’t get off the boat and sit in a tender somewhere else. Brooke is having a problem dealing with João. In her interview, Hanna says he’s pissed her off. Until she gets an apology, she doesn’t have much to say.

The waves get higher. Adam tells João that he has a grass is always greener complex. João talks about blackouts. Jennifer gives Captain Sandy a device called The Womanizer, and tells her that she has homework to do. They goof around, and I don’t want to know. Colin goes over his rap lyrics. In his interview, he says people assume because he went to music school, he can spin hot fire. Obviously, they’re right. João suggests they have one person up all the time for security reasons. It’s how they did it on other boats he’s worked on. Conrad isn’t really concerned about that.

The group goes on the pizza making expedition. Adam says they didn’t take salads. He did all that work for nothing. Hannah informs us that the margarita pizza was invented in Naples. My first “real” job was being a short order cook in an Italian restaurant, and I made pizzas. I never did get the hang of spinning the dough in the air like these guys are doing. Everyone goes, oooh, every time it lands. Hannah suddenly remembers the salads, and goes out in the rain with Conrad, only to find the salads aren’t in the car. She’s not happy.

The captain tells Kasey the floor is a mess. Kasey swears she did them. Captain Sandy tells Kasey to come with her (you know that’s bad when a superior says, come with me). In her interview, the captain thinks if they can’t grasp basic duties, their leader should be showing them.

Hannah orders some sides off the menu. She feels like she’s running in circles, trying to keep everyone happy and entertained. The food looks fantastic. João tells Hannah that he’s sorry; when under stress, they have to work together. She says there’s no point in rehashing it; they’re cool. In her interview, she says she’s letting bygones be bygones, but hopes it’s not a pattern.

Adam makes a bunch of amazing desserts. The guests bring back take out from the pizza place. Conrad is annoyed that João has been trying to undermine him, since he’s been yapping to everyone else about how they should have someone on watch 24/7. In her interview, Jamie says João should know his place. They have a hierarchy for a reason. The Italian beefcake comes, and Hannah says she should have asked for picture. This is not what she ordered. He looks like Harvey Keitel. Colin rehearses his rap. João bugs Conrad about the security thing again, insisting it’s standard procedure. Conrad says he’s been in yachting three years, and João is inexperienced.

Jennifer doesn’t seem to mind the bodybuilder’s looks. Yep, she thinks he’s cute. Colin asks if he can use Kasey’s talents for his performance. Jennifer tells the trainer to let her know if her nipple pops out. Really? You exercise in something that makes you concerned about that? Adam says it’s going to be like King Arthur’s Italian Palace tonight. The guests get ready for Jennifer’s birthday. Jennifer begs Captain Sandy to let her wear her shoes for dinner. The captain talks to Hannah about her cabin not being clean. Kasey tells Hannah that she forgot. In her interview, Hannah says they’ve been covering Kasey’s ass while she was sick. Now it’s time to work. The décor is on the cute side of pretty, with lots of balloons, pink being the predominant shade. João flirts with Brooke. Adam repurposes the salads. Captain Sandy eats with the guests. Hannah thanks the Lord for Brooke, and the food just keeps on coming. Adam presents the lasagna, and explains the entrees, getting applause for his efforts. The guests are especially loving the truffle white sauce. Conrad talks to Hannah, saying no one stays up all night on a yacht, and Hanna asks when João is going to stop going over his head.

Hannah is frustrated with Kasey, and in her interview, says you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t drown them. Colin practices his birthday rap. Adam says his desert spread would rival Willy Wonka’s factory. The cake is presented, the Happy Birthday topper twinkling with small lights. The crew starts to sing, and Colin interrupts, saying they’re not doing that boring birthday song. He asks Kasey for some beats. He raps, and Kasey says, the dude has flow. The guests applaud. Hannah says the cabins better be on point tonight.

Conrad talks to João on the deck. He understands the safety concern, but when he says something, he doesn’t want it questioned. João says he’s going to question the security of the boat. Conrad says the questioning isn’t the problem, it’s what he said to the other two deckhands. Conrad tells him to never undermine what he’s said in front of the others. João says, It’s not a matter of questioning authority, but he needs to understand why. They shake hands, but I don’t think João gets it. The guests go to bed.

Conrad helps Hannah get all the dents and crap from Jennifer’s shoes out of the carpet. Hannah can’t believe Conrad chose to crawl around in the main salon with her instead of going to bed.

The next morning, Adam makes custom breakfasts. Brooke is doing the service by herself, and doesn’t feel there’s an equal balance. IMO, there are far too many Cokes ordered at breakfast. Adam says everyone expects him to cook all this random sh*t in a matter of minutes; people assume he can just whip it all up. Brooke wants a rocket up Kasey’s ass. Conrad says everything is a pissing contest with João. He can’t believe João has survived in yachting this long. Captain Sandy keeps ordering more food, and gets pissed when the toast doesn’t come fast enough. She says they’re on a super yacht, and thinks Hannah needs to tighten up the interior. Hannah has to do charter three preference sheets, but the captain thinks she should help the others. It’s not fair to the rest of the crew to do preference sheets while there are still guests on board. She tells Hannah that breakfast service sucked. Hannah says she was up until four a.m., and has blisters from the spoon she was using on the carpet. Captain Sandy says she’s the face of the interior. Hannah promises she’s trying her best, and leaves in tears. She tries to block the camera with her hand.

I gotta say it. I love Captain Sandy, but as a whole, I like the Captain Lee group on the original show better. Kudos to the Captain Sandy’s friends for being the nicest, easiest going charter guests ever, but so far, the obnoxious guests have been the most interesting thing this season.

Next time. Jamie cries, Hannah and Conrad crush on each other, João confronts Conrad, and Captain Sandy says it’s the worst service she’s ever seen on charter.

💰 On Sell it Like Serhant, Ryan’s task was to help Lisa, a commercial real estate broker. He said since real estate is his area of expertise, you’d think it would be easy, but the difference between selling commercial and regular real estate is like apples and steak. She was the only woman in an all-male office, and Ryan agreed that real estate as a whole was a boys’ club. Raising three kids alone, Lisa had left the corporate world, believing real estate had more growth potential, and also flexible hours. She couldn’t pay her mortgage, her boss was on the verge of firing her, and she had no Plan B. And I don’t mean birth control. Ryan said commission-based jobs can be scary, which is why I’ve never wanted one. Even more than her not being aggressive enough, was her use of um… when talking to clients. I almost couldn’t take it. Judge Judy would have gone out of her mind. Ryan taught her to shake her bad habits, brag about her experience in her previous field (she hadn’t closed on one listing yet), and focus on the best use of the building, so the client could envision the marketing angle. While Lisa thought she should downplay her mom role in life, Ryan told her to play it up. He had Lisa do a photo shoot, where he told her to work it mom boss style, and she did. She also got a makeover, and Ryan told a story about having absolutely no wardrobe when he started, and how his father bought him his first pair of good shoes. He still has them.

The moment was tense when Lisa began her make-or-break pitch. Ryan and her boss stayed out of sight, but watched by phone. The client liked what she had to say, she made great recommendations for the use of the space, and only used um… once. The client’s main concern was her lack of experience, and her saying she would be able to concentrate fully on the listing didn’t help. She told him that he wouldn’t just be hiring her, but her whole team, and talked about how they work together. He wanted to give her a 60-day trial period, where if it wasn’t sold in that time, he could move on. Both Ryan and her boss thought she should agree, but she didn’t. And she wouldn’t budge. She told him that she didn’t want to get to a point in a sale, only to hand it to someone else. To all of our amazement, he agreed to list the space with her. Ryan got so excited, he ran out to congratulate her, almost giving both her and the client a heart attack. He said she was a new Lisa, and she went from zero to hundreds of followers on her social media. I can imagine how many more she got after the show. Next time, a struggling body lotion salesgirl. While watching the preview, it occurred to me that Ryan is like Gordon Ramsay. He has to wear many hats, including therapist and stylist. Apparently, Brandi Glanville has tweeted that this is the only show that can make her cry, and she hadn’t even liked Ryan.

🍹 Southern Charm New Orleans will be wrapping it up this Sunday. I’ve decided the difference between Charleston and NOLA is like that between New Hope, PA and NYC. Both great cities, but with a totally different vibe. Speaking of NYC, Million Dollar Listing New York premieres the new season on June 4^th at 10 pm.

🚁 Until Next Time (Pick One)…