What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Josslyn comes into Sonny’s old kitchen, crying. The moss bowl🎍is clearly distressed, and Carly asks her, what’s wrong? giving her a hug. Is it Dante? Josslyn says, no. It’s Dex. He’s not shot or anything. Carly asks what she needs, and Josslyn says she just needs her mom. Carly says, Josslyn’s got her, hugging her again, and Josslyn says, Carly is the only person who truly loves her, who doesn’t hide parts of herself from her. Carly asks, what happened? and Josslyn says she and Dex broke up – for good this time.

Anna answers the phone in her office and says, he’s here now?… Her specifically?… Yes, by all means. Send him in. There’s a knock at the door, and she says, come in. Dex walks in.

Sonny walks into Charlie’s, where Kristina has a cup of coffee waiting. He thanks her and says, the hospital coffee will kill you. She says, he was with Dante all morning? Why didn’t he tell her? She would have switched shifts and come to keep him company. He says, Ava was with him, and she says, good. So… He says, no changes. Dante’s still on life s support and there’s no sign he’s going to wake up.

In the boathouse, Jason gets up, but stumbles a little. Danny is suddenly there helping him.

Willow says, unless Elizabeth needs her, she’s going to head out in a few minutes, and Elizabeth says, they’re good. They see Chase headed for Dante’s  room, and Elizabeth asks, how many times does this make? Willow says, that’s Chase’s fourth time today checking on Dante, and he’ll be back later if he gets a dinner break. If not, he’ll sneak in just before lights out. Elizabeth says, Dante hasn’t been alone a minute since he’s been here. His friends and family have been here around the clock. It says a lot about how much he means to people. Willow agrees and leaves. John approaches the desk and tells Elizabeth that Dante has a lot of fans down at the PCPD. If he needed blood, the entire squad room would be here in a half hour. As a matter of fact, she can have his right now. Elizabeth thanks him and says, question. Who is he? He says, sorry. John Cates, FBI. He shows her his ID and says he’s here investigating a shooting in Port Charles – Willow listens in – and he overheard them talking about Detective Falconari. Elizabeth says, he’s stable, but still unconscious, and John says he’ll pass that on at the station. But he’s wondering if they might speak. He has a couple of questions. She says, about what? and he says, Jason Morgan.

Danny asks if Jason is okay, and Jason sits down, saying, he’s good. He thanks Danny, and Danny says, no problem. Jason’s timing was good. He just got home from school. Jason asks if anyone is going to be looking for him, but Danny says, no. They’re used to him taking off early. When he was younger, he used to love coming here because there was so much room here. Jason says he remembers. Danny was always asking to stay at Grandma Monica’s.

Willow continues to listen, and Elizabeth says she has patients to check on. What does John need to know? He says, the Bureau and the PCPD are still trying to locate Jason Morgan. They believe he’s responsible for shooting Dante Falconari at the warehouse, and subsequently jumping from a bridge to escape capture. Elizabeth says she’s seen the news, and John says, of course (🍷) she has. It’s probably impossible to avoid, but they have yet to locate a body, and he’s sure he doesn’t have to tell her what kind of damage a jump from that height would do. She says he doesn’t. So far, he hasn’t needed to tell her any of this. He says, bottom line, he knows she has a child with Jason Morgan, and they have a history. He’s sure she understands if he has to ask if she’s heard from Jason since the shooting. She says she hasn’t, and he says, Jason hasn’t tried to contact her or any members of her family? She says, no, and he says he had to ask. You never know where a person’s loyalties lie. She says, a very good man is lying unconscious in the ICU. If Jason put him there, she thinks the only thing that matters is the law, not her loyalties. She starts to walk away, and John says, if. She’s still saying, if he’s responsible. She says she hasn’t heard that anything else has been proven yet, and until it is, she thinks everyone should be saying if. Better yet, allegedly. He says, she’s right, so let him say this, if she’s lying, and if she’s harboring a fugitive, she could be facing federal charges. Willow jets.

Danny tells Jason that he thought high school was going to be different. New campus, new people, but it’s all the same stuff. (I tell him that I hate to break it to him, but it never changes. All of life is just different versions of school.) Sitting around, trying not to get caught looking at your phone… when he had a phone. Mom took his because he’s grounded and now school is more boring than ever. Jason says he would have hated every part of that, and Danny says, him too.

Josslyn says, there are parts of her that wish Dex had lied and denied everything that Nina said, and Carly asks how Nina was involved. Josslyn says, she was there. She watched it happen. Nina exposed a side of Dex she didn’t even know existed because she’s in serious denial about the real world. And as much as she hates Nina for it, thank God she did. Now she knows and she still can’t understand how she loves him this much. Carly says, it sounds really fresh right now. Maybe she’s going to have to sit with this for a minute, and Josslyn says, the person she loved and trusted almost more than anybody else isn’t the person she thought he was. All Dex had to do was look at her and she felt loved, safe, and respected. It’s all gone. She doesn’t even have the illusion of him to hang on to anymore. Carly asks, what happened? What did Dex do? Josslyn says, he was going to kill Cyrus because Sonny ordered him to, and Carly says she needs Josslyn to take some time. She’s going to have to get some perspective on this. Josslyn says, no amount of perspective changes the fact that Dex was going to kill him. This wasn’t war. This wasn’t self-defense. Cyrus was an old man lying in a hospital room. That’s premeditated murder.

Kristina asks if Sonny remembers the year she and Dante took their skis up to the roof and went back and forth trying to make the tracks of Santa’s sleigh for Donna and the kids. He asks if that wasn’t the year Dante twisted his ankle playing hockey, but she says, that was the cover story they told him. But really, he slid off Carly’s roof, directly into a pine tree. He had so many pine needles in his hair, it was crazy. There were thousands. They were trying to get them out and it took them forever because they couldn’t stop laughing so hard, but he did smell really good. (I relate since my Pekingese rolled in pine needles once. It was a nightmare.) Sonny thanks her for sharing that and she says, when he wakes up, don’t tell Dante that she told him about the pine tree. He says he’ll keep their secret… when he wakes up. Kristina says, when he wakes up.

Dex (who took a stupid pill along with Josslyn this morning) thanks Anna for seeing him. He knows she has a lot going on. She asks if it has to do with Sonny. She knows he’s distraught about Dante… but he says, it’s actually for him. He’d like to confess to an attempted murder. She says, of whom? and he says, Cyrus Renault. She says, he attempted to murder Cyrus Renault? and he says, yes, on Sonny’s orders.

Jason says, when Danny doesn’t have his phone, what else does he like to do? and Danny says, skiing. He snowboards too, but he likes skiing better. It’s faster and the runs are more challenging. Jason asks what he likes better, height or speed? and Danny says, both. He’s into dirt biking and mountain biking too, and he’s going to take auto shop as an elective next year. Fix up his own car someday. Put a turbo charger on it. Jason says, what about sports? Does he like any of them? Danny says, football. He was going to go out for the freshman team, but mom wouldn’t sign the stupid waiver because she thought he was going to get brain damage. Jason had brain damage, right? Jason says, not from playing football. He was in a car accident. Willow comes in and says, Danny should probably get back to the house before they send out a search party to look for him. Danny says he thought of that. He said he had lot of homework. She says, what if somebody decides to help him with it and he’s not in his room? and he says he guesses she’s right. He tells Jason that he’ll see him later, and Jason thanks him again. Danny says, no problem, and leaves. Jason asks Willow, what’s wrong?

Carly says, Dex was in an impossible situation. He was working for her and Michael, and he was working for Sonny. When Sonny gave him the order to go after Cyrus, Dex didn’t have a lot of options. Josslyn says, Dex could have gone to her and Michael. He could have told them what Sonny wanted. He could have done a lot of things. He could have gone to the police. Carly says, that’s not realistic option and Josslyn knows it. The choices that Dex had to make may have been deal breakers for her, but don’t be naïve about why he made them. Josslyn says, maybe he didn’t have a choice, but she has a choice, and she chose to be with him over and over again. And if she didn’t know what she knows now, she’d still be with him like some lovesick blind idiot. Carly says, come on. She’d be willing to bet Dex shared more with Josslyn than he has with anyone ever, and Josslyn says she never even considered the sweet, amazing guy she loves could kill someone while they’re helpless. How could she not see it?

Anna closes the door and tells Dex, it’s not a court marshal. He can have a seat. He sits, and she says, so walk her through this. Start at the beginning. He says he was initially hired by Michael Corinthos to infiltrate Sonny’s organization and gather information and evidence to incriminate him. She says, Michael hired him for this, did he? and Dex says, he felt Sonny’s choices caused unnecessary pain and risk to the family. She says she’s assuming this was all after the Nixon Falls/Nina situation, and he says, Michael eventually reconsidered. He decided sending his father to prison would rip the family apart, so he changed the terms of Dex’s employment and brought his mother into the circle of trust. They wanted him to monitor Sonny and give them any information if he were ever in any trouble. She asks, what kind of trouble? and Dex says, a situation he couldn’t handle and was in over his head. But other than that, he was supposed to continue working for Sonny and follow his orders like any of his other personnel. She says, so before Michael and Carly tasked him with being Sonny’s guardian angel, did he ever get anything incriminating? Dex says he did. He had evidence that Sonny was moving illegal arms for a company called Pikeman.

Sonny tells Kristina that he knows Dante’s technically not a kid, but Dante’s always going to be his kid. And he’s got so much more to give to the world and his family. Kristina says, and he will, and Sonny says he can count on one hand all the good people in his life, and Dante was one of them. If he could be half as good as Dante, he’d be very happy. He’s been through a lot in his life and done a lot of things he should have paid for. Not Dante. He should be laying in that bed, not Dante. She says, that’s it, and comes around the counter. She says she knows Sonny is sad and scared, and those aren’t comfortable emotions for him, but she’s not going to sit here and listen to him denigrate the dad she adores. She knows she wasn’t planned… He says, it doesn’t matter if she was planned. He and her mom always wanted her. She knows that. She says, he just proved her point for her. He’s always made her feel loved. Always. He says he’s her dad; that’s his job. And she makes it easy. She says, does she though? She sits next to him and says, the older she gets and she reflects, she realizes he’s her anchor. As flighty as she might be – and they both know that’s true – he always keeps her grounded. And there’s not a single thing she’d change about him, imperfections and all. He’s the best dad there is and Dante would be the first one to tell him that.

Willow puts a new dressing on Jason’s wound and asks how he’s feeling. He says he’s fine, and she says, Michael already warned her. He could be on fire and say he’s fine. This is important though. He’s lost a lot of blood, so he needs to drink a lot of fluids. If he doesn’t, he could go into hyperbolic shock and his organs could stop working. He says, got it, and she says, all done. She knows he doesn’t want to be in this boathouse, but please, please, please don’t push himself right now. He won’t make himself stronger. He’ll just use up reserves that have already been severely depleted and he’ll set back his recovery way back. She takes out a bottle of pills, shaking one into her hand. She says, take one now and every eight hours for seven days. Don’t forget. It’s an antibiotic. Don’t miss a dose. She hands him the bottle, and he says, where did she… and she says, don’t ask. He asks if she’s okay, and she says she’s fine. He says, she doesn’t seem like it, and she says, Michael would do anything for him, which is absolutely his right. And she’s okay risking herself, but involving Danny is the worst thing he could have done. He says he didn’t seek Danny out. Danny found him. She says, it won’t matter to that FBI agent, Cates. He’s turning over every rock in Port Charles looking for him. What does he think will happen if Cates get proof Danny helped him?

Aiden comes into the hospital, and Elizabeth says she didn’t know he was coming by today. He says he’s trying a new chocolate chip cookie recipe he got off TikTok, and sets a container on the desk. She asks if he needs a taste tester, and he says he does. She comes around the desk and says she’s not complaining, but why didn’t he ask Jake? Aiden says, Jake won’t exactly talk to him. He’s a little worried about Jake. She asks, why? What happened? He says, she knows how every time their families get together, Dante’s always the first one to get something fun going, like finding a game that includes everyone. And he always makes them laugh, but in a nice way. He never makes fun of anybody. She says, everyone loves him, and he says, Jake’s 100% convinced that his dad shot Dante. When he tried to tell Jake that they still didn’t know if Jason did it, Jake slammed his bedroom door in his face. She says she had no idea. He hasn’t said anything to her about it. Aiden says, he’s not going to either. He said he didn’t want to talk to her about it. She says, why not? and he says, Jake doesn’t want her to defend Jason.

In the nook, Danny is juggling some stones or something and drops them, when John comes in. He says, Danny Morgan? and Danny says, yeah. John says, John Cates, FBI, and shows Danny his ID. He was hoping to ask Danny some questions about his dad.

Dex says, Anna remembers Sonny beat Cyrus up pretty bad, and she says, enough to put him in the hospital. He says, and when the police questioned Cyrus, he said Sonny was responsible, and she says, he couldn’t have been happy with that. He says, so when Cyrus decided to press charges, Sonny decided if Cyrus were to be put down, any potential charges against him would go down too. She says, that seems a little short-sighted, doesn’t he think? Because if Cyrus had died and his death was related in any way to the beating Sonny had inflicted on him, Sonny could have been found guilty of manslaughter or maybe even second-degree murder. Dex says, that’s exactly what he tried to tell him, but Sonny didn’t see it that way. Sonny ordered him to take out Cyrus while he was still in the hospital. And he was prepared to do it. She asks, how? and Dex says he was going to inject his IV with fentanyl, but Sonny showed up at the last second and stopped him. She asks if Dex knows why he reconsidered, but Dex says, no. She says, he does understand that if he swears to this, he’ll incriminate himself as well as Sonny, and he says he does. But he did it and he’s prepared to pay for it.

Sonny says he hopes he never disappoints Kristina the way he disappointed her brothers, and she says, whatever he’s done or thinks he’s done, Michael and Dante will always love him. A lot. And so does she. There’s nothing he could ever do that would ever make her disappointed in him. He says, if there’s even a part of that that’s true, he’s a lucky man, when Natalia walks in. She says, Kristina?

Willow says, Cates seems laser focused on finding Jason. He even tried to intimidate Elizabeth Baldwin by dangling the threat of federal charges in front of her. Jason says, Elizabeth hasn’t done anything, and she says, but now Danny has. He says he never wanted anybody to find him, let alone Danny. He would never put Danny in jeopardy. She says she knows he wouldn’t, and he says he’s going to make sure none of them gets implicated. Not Michael, not her, not Danny. He’s going to make it like them helping him never happened.

John says he’s sorry. He didn’t mean to startle Danny. Yuri, he thinks his name is, let him in. Danny says, Yuri’s a good guy, and John says, he seems like it. He doesn’t want to keep Danny, but has he by any chance seen his father in the last couple days? Danny says, no, and John says, and he hasn’t heard from him at all? No phone calls or texts or emails or… Danny says, no, and John asks if he’s sure. It’s really important he find Jason. Danny says he’s sure, and John says, it’s just that he’s been gone a long time and all of a sudden, he’s back, and all Danny gets is radio silence? He’s Jason’s son. Doesn’t he think that’s weird? Danny says, not really. He hardly knew the guy before he was gone. He doesn’t know why he’s back, but he can tell John, it’s not because of him. Brook comes in and asks Danny to go somewhere else while she has a word with Agent Cates. Danny leaves, but listens in, and Brook says, John is a disgrace to his badge.

Aiden tells Elizabeth, no matter what he says or does, Jake gets mad, but she says, he’s not mad at Aiden. He’s mad at the situation. He doesn’t know what to do with his anger, so it comes out all sideways at Aiden and everyone else he loves. Aiden says, mostly him, and she says she knows and she’s sorry. She knows it doesn’t feel like it, but it’s not personal. She promises she’ll talk to him when she gets home. He tells her, good luck, and she says, just so he knows, they did talk about it when they first found out Jason was back and that he might be responsible for Dante’s shooting. She didn’t want to make things harder on him. Aiden says, it’s hard already for everyone, when Chase comes by. He asks if Elizabeth has a second, and Elizabth says, sure. Aiden asks if Chase thinks Jake’s dad shot Dante.

Carly says she wishes she’d never pressured Dex into staying with Sonny, but Josslyn says, Dex didn’t put up too much of a fight. Carly says, that’s because her mother and brother were pressuring him, and Josslyn says, maybe. She doesn’t know what to believe. Carly says she knows how things work in Sonny’s business. Trust is everything. She never thought Sonny would trust Dex enough to give him an assignment like Cyrus. Josslyn asks if Jason used to kill for Sonny. (Duh – what is up with this girl?)

Natalia says she’s sorry if she’s interrupting, but Kristina says, no, and introduces Natalia and Sonny. They shake hands, and Sonny says, his daughter talks a lot about her daughter. He’s glad they found each other. Natalia says, that’s why she’s here. To ask for Kristina’s help.

Carly says, Jason never talked about it, but he did some things for Sonny, and Josslyn says, did some things like kill people. Carly asks what she wants to hear, and Josslyn says she wants to hear, killing people because they’re inconvenient for Sonny is wrong. Carly says, of course (🍷) it’s wrong, and Josslyn says, then why is she hesitant? Carly says she’s not. She doesn’t want Josslyn asking questions she doesn’t want the answers to. Josslyn says she does want the answers. She’s just not always ready for the ones she gets.  Carly says, that’s because she’s judging everything from the outside. She wasn’t in Dex’s shoes, and she wasn’t in Jason’s shoes for that matter. She doesn’t know why they made the choices they did. Josslyn says she loves Jason too, but come on. All it takes is Sonny pointing at someone and saying, go, and that’s it? Carly says, it’s not that simple. It’s never that simple. She trusts Jason. If Jason killed someone, it’s because they were going to kill him. Josslyn says she doesn’t think so. She doesn’t think it would matter to Carly if someone was trying to kill Jason or not. She thinks Carly would stick beside him no matter what. And she thought that’s how she felt about Dex, but it’s not.

Natalia, Kristina, and Sonny sit at a table, and Natalia says, so when she walked into her daughter’s hotel room and found Kristina in her bed, she was shocked. Sonny says, well, anybody who would walk into their kid’s hotel room and find someone in their bed would be shocked, and Kristina says she understands Natalia was blindsided. Natalia says, even more so when Blaze said Kristina was her girlfriend, and Kristina says, that was a big step for them, being open about it. Natalia says she wasn’t ready for it. And obviously, no matter what she said or did, it was wrong. She knew that at the time, but she couldn’t stop herself. Sonny says, now she knows better, and she’ll do better next time, and Natalia says, they already had a next time, and she did not do better. Sonny says, she seems to be having a hard time with this, and she says, wouldn’t any parent? He says, you only worry if your kid ends up with somebody not good enough for them, but Blaze and Kristina are great and they’re great for each other. Kristina thanks him and says she thinks they’re great for each other too. Natalia asks if it was always this easy for him, and he says, was what this easy? She says, having a daughter that’s gay and being okay with it.

Chase tells Aiden, Jason is only a suspect right now. He’s no different from anyone else, innocent until proven guilty. Aiden tells him that he has to say that, but he’s a cop. It’s not the same as asking a regular person. Elizabeth says, Aiden… but Chase says, it’s okay. He knows what Aiden means. His job as a cop is to follow the evidence, and right now, the evidence says, yes. Jason is the one who shot Dante. But the evidence also says, Jason is the one who called 911 and tried to give Dante first aid.

Danny continues to listen as Brook says, thank God Yuri called her before John had a chance to whip out his handcuffs. That really would have intimidated Danny, which is exactly what he was hoping to do, isn’t it? John says, no. He just wanted to ask Danny a few questions. He’s sorry Yuri disturbed her. She says, his unprofessional conduct disturbs her. Yuri told her how he barged in here to talk to a poor minor child without his parent or guardian present. He says, she can tell Yuri, that’s not illegal, and she says, no. It’s just lower than dirt. And she doesn’t need to school Yuri on the state or federal law. He’s familiar with them both. John made the wrong assumption and confused his accent with ignorance. John says he didn’t mean anything by the comment, but she says, yeah, he did. And at the moment, the only truly ignorant person in this house is him. He says he’s sorry if they got off on the wrong foot. Just to be clear, he didn’t come here to arrest Danny and he didn’t know Danny was going to be alone. She says, it didn’t stop him though, did it, from talking to a minor child about a father he hasn’t seen in years? A father he thought was dead. What’s wrong with him? He says, Jason Morgan is the suspect in multiple shootings, but she’s right. He went too far. She says, he should just stop talking and leave before he gives her any more reasons to sue. And trust her, she’s got plenty, and if it were up to her, he’d lose his impressive FBI badge. But since it’s not, she’ll just make sure he has to work real hard to keep it. He says he is sorry. Truly. If she’d please apologize to Danny and Yuri on his behalf. He leaves, and she tells Danny that he can come out now.

Anna asks if Dex has any proof about the attempt on Cyrus’s life, and he says, no, but Cyrus was suspicious when he woke up and Dex was in his room. So he could be a witness, and Nina Reeves also saw him… Anna says, she’s not going to testify. Cyrus might be willing to, but then he couldn’t truthfully testify about Dex’s intention, so his testimony wouldn’t amount to anything. The most he could get is conspiracy, and it would be Dex’s word against Sonny’s. He says, that’s it? but she says, no. Sonny would also have him killed. This isn’t the first time a situation like this has come up and she knows from experience she wishes she didn’t have, prosecution will go nowhere, and it will cost Dex his life. He says he’s willing to risk it, but she says, no. She’s not. That’s why this conversation never happened. Look at her. Does he understand? He says, yeah, and she says, okay. Justice might not have been served this time, but she really appreciates him coming in and trying. He walks to the door, and says, if she ever needs any help in taking Sonny down, keep him in mind. He leaves.

Danny says, Brook was awesome, and thanks her. She says, he doesn’t need to thank her. He just needs to promise her that he’ll never talk to the cops again without a lawyer present. Prison is full of people who talk their way in there because they didn’t wait for a lawyer. He says, grandma isn’t a lawyer anymore, so should he call Diane Miller? and she says, he’s a Quartermaine. He’s got plenty of lawyers, but they’re no good to him unless he uses them. She asks for his phone, but he says his mom confiscated it. She says, then she’s going to have to do something really old fashioned and takes a pad out of the credenza. She says she’s writing down the ELQ attorney’s number. She hands him a paper and says, commit it to memory. And do himself a favor and practice the Quartermaine code. That means, be polite, but do not freestyle with the cops no matter how friendly they seem. Unless of course (🍷) that cop is Chase. He laughs.

Willow says, with any luck, Jason will be able to move around in a day or two. Any idea where he’ll go or what he’ll do? He says he’s not sure yet. He’s just got to figure out what will cause the least harm to all of them, especially Danny.

Aiden asks what Elizabeth is going to tell Jake, and she says, the truth. If Jason did this, he’s going to have to face the consequences. But he’s not a reflection on Jake. Aiden tells her that Jake will just say, I know. Trust him. It’s not going to make Jake feel any better. She says, this situation is terrible, and she thinks being sad is the right way to feel about it. She knows Jake feels awful about what happened to Dante, but it’s not his fault just because he’s Jason’s son. If Jason did in fact shoot Dante, he alone is going to have to carry that guilt. She’s not going to let the weight of Jason’s sins crush Jake.

Carly says she respects Josslyn’s decision. She looked at Dex with clear eyes and saw things she wasn’t willing to compromise on. Josslyn says she just thought there would never be anything that would make her not want to be with him, and Carly says, unless you’re talking about your kids, there’s no such thing as unconditional love. There’s always conditions, and Josslyn found hers. Josslyn says she guesses. Maybe she could have made it work though. Carly says, maybe, and then she would have sacrificed a part of herself. Then she would have hated herself and resented Dex and hated him. As far as she’s concerned, Josslyn spared both of them a lot of misery. Josslyn says, in her gut, it was the right thing to do, and Carly says, but even doing the right thing isn’t always easy, and hugs Josslyn.

Sonny says, Kristina’s always been her own person. Ever since she could talk, she had an opinion. When she was so young, she was intelligent, and interesting. Then when she grew up, he could see pieces of her mother and him in her, and he kind of had an idea of what she was going to be like. And there were a couple things he was right on. They all want certain things for their kids, but their kids can’t be what they want them to be. It’s their life and they have to make their decision to be who they want to be. Natalia says, Kristina is very fortunate to have this man as her dad, and Kristina says she’s always known her dad loves her no matter what. He makes her feel really safe and like she can do anything. And she really wishes Blaze had that with Natalia.

John flops into a chair in his hotel room. There’s a knock at the door, and he hauls himself back up. He opens the door and Anna is there with a bottle of wine. She says she owes him a drink.

Tomorrow, Chase wonders if he should be a cop anymore; Anna tells John that she sees Sonny very clearly now; and Sonny tells Natalia that she can’t act on information she doesn’t have.

Vanderpump Rules

On FaceTime, Ariana says she’s glad she’ll be out of the house when Sandoval has his super cool pool party, and Katie wonders when it’s happening. Right now? Ariana guesses she’d be right. Downstairs, Sandoval explains to Schwartz that he and Ariana have an agreement. The party isn’t a surprise. Ariana asks how Katie feels about having dinner with Lala. She’d like to think it will blow over quick and they’ll have a nice dinner and asks Katie if she’s being too optimistic. Ariana leaves as the guests are having a shot.

Katie meets Lala at a restaurant and asks how Lala is. Lala says, not good, and asks how Katie is. Katie says, better than she was. She doesn’t like how it went, and Lala says, it’s the third time Katie has looked at her like the enemy, and we flash back to those. She asks if Katie feels that she hit below the belt, and Katie says she knows she has, and Lala says she’s retaliated and she’s not proud of that. In Lala’s interview, she says, Katie had been her ride or die for many years, but how they used to fit in each other’s lives is different. Now she’s trying to heal from trauma because doesn’t want to be a miserable bitch, but Katie is happy to be on the warpath. She tells Katie that she’s trying hard to drop the Sandoval thing. It altered her life, and her intent when bringing up her own experience is not to make it about her. Katie says she knows Lala is coming from a good place, but it’s not always received that way. Lala says she’ll work on it. Is there any version of Katie being a softer? Katie says her tone and delivery are a toxic trait, and Lala says she worries they’ll say something to be hurtful that there will be no coming back from. Katie apologizes and says she loves Lala. Lala says, ditto, and they hug.

The pool party is in full swing, and Schwartz wonders about potential romantic encounters. In Schwartz’s interview, he says she feels implicated as Sandoval’s wingman. He’s proud Sandoval is putting himself out there, but maybe he shouldn’t do it under the same roof he shares with the woman he cheated on. Scwartz says, this is weird, and leaves. In Sandoval’s interview, he says, Schwartz is trying to be diplomatic, but he’s not having an orgy in the living room. Billie introduces her girlfriend Tii, and asks if there will be an after-hours situation, but Sandoval says he doesn’t want to cause friction with his roommate. Some girls show up that Sandoval met at See You Next Tuesday, and everyone has more shots. In his interview, Sandoval says, the act of talking to people is like a muscle he hasn’t used. Sandoval is boring AF and tells the girls that his roommate is his ex from a 10-year relationship. He jokes that he keeps her locked in her room and crushes potato chips, putting them under the door for her to eat, but the girls are either appalled or don’t get the joke. Because he’s delusional, in his interview, he says he thinks he can get back into this pretty quickly.

Poor Ann (which is like her name now) cleans up the next morning, and Ariana tells her that Scheana is coming over. There’s so much sticky sh*t. In Ariana’s interview, she says, Ann’s job description has become cleaning up after Sandoval and doing his laundry. She’s taken on a mother role. She loves Ann, but Ann has a sh*tty boss. Ann tells Sandoval that Scheana is coming over and they’ll be downstairs, and in Sandoval’s interview, he says, Ann’s duties include doing some housekeeping. He knows what he can’t get to, Ann will clean up, so he’s not leaving a mess. We see that’s not the truth, as dishes are piled high in the sink and that’s not the worst of it. Scheana arrives and sees all the bottles on the counter. She asks what they’re making, and Ariana says, that’s what she came down to after the sexy singles pool party. Scheana says she didn’t know the party had a theme, and Ariana says, that’s just what she’s calling it. She thinks she should have some people over and do a game night.

Ariana says, people have been telling her that Scheana is upset with her. We flash back to Lala and Lisa talking to Ariana about how she’s coming across, and Scheana says she doesn’t like people telling her how she feels or putting words in her mouth. Ariana says, Lisa told her that she’d mishandled her announcement about Dancing with the Stars, and Scheana says she’d thought she was being considered and wishes she’d heard it from Ariana. It was a punch to the gut, she was disappointed, and had a good cry, but she’s genuinely happy for Ariana. Ariana says she understands how Scheana feels, and Scheana says, Ariana can trust her. Ariana says she hopes she can trust that Scheana is being honest. Scheana says she and Lala have been together more often, and Lala rides hard for her. In Scheana’s interview, she says, Ariana used to be her person that she could talk to about everything, but lately it’s been difficult. She’s not super receptive about Scheana’s feelings. Scheana tells Ariana that when it comes to Sandoval, Ariana knew who he was to her up until March 1^st, and Ariana says, she’s going to miss the person who maybe existed. But then things come to mind that are insidious. It’s hard to hear her best friend misses that person. Scheana says, if years from now she tells Ariana that she’s seen Sandoval did work on himself and he’s a completely different person, and she can see them being friends, how would Ariana feel? In Ariana’s interview, she says she thinks if Scheana is bringing this up, she has plans to be friends with him again. Scheana’s trying to soften the blow for when it becomes a reality. Ariana says she’d give Ariana the side-eye. Not a judgy side eye, but a you in danger, girl, side-eye.

Schwartz and Jo walk in the park, and in Schwartz’s interview, a producer says, it does look like a date, and Schwartz says he could marry Jo and be happy, but he doesn’t want that right now. He just got out of a 13-year relationship, and getting into another seems haphazard. He wants to explore and date some people. They get in a swan boat, and Jo tells Schwartz about how she lost a pet turtle in the sewer. He became a Ninja Turtle. In Jo’s interview, she says, meeting Ally was nerve-wracking because Ally is beautiful, but she’s got a good vibe. The other girls never gave her a fair chance, specifically Katie. Katie is a jealous ex, and Jo thinks whoever Schwartz is with will get a lot of hate. These two are boring squared.

In his interview, Sandoval says, since Tahoe, he’s been trying to reconnect with friends. Any step forward feels good. The group meets at the Belmont, and Katie and Ariana show up. In Lala’s interview, she says she can’t put into words how huge Ariana breathing the same air as Sandoval feels. It’s like Ariana is reclaiming her friends from Sandoval, and she’s here for it. Ariana is prettier to look at anyway.

In Ariana’s interview, she says she can’t let her ex prevent her from hanging out with her friends for the rest of her life. She’s not looking around in cased of stray eye contact, but she can feel Sandoval’s eyes buried into her. She asks the girls to hang out on the patio. Lala and Katie tell the others how they made up, and their safe word is croissant. Ally says, Jo texted her about doing her chart and having drinks, and she said, sure. Ariana says, you in danger, girl. In Katie’s interview, she says, where to start about Jo. Kristen Doute was her best friend, and now she’s infiltrating the rest of Katie’s life. The day of her divorce announcement, Jo texted her, saying she respects, supports, and loves Katie. Then a few months later, she’s living with Schwartz. The girl just moves in sketchy ways. Scheana asks Schwartz how things are over at the house. Ariana said Sandoval had a sexy singles pool party. Schwartz says, it sounds like the game of telephone, and Sandoval joins them. Sandoval tells her that people thought he was looking for a wingman, but the party was rated G. Scheana says she heard from Brock that Sandoval felt abandoned by Raquel. Can any part of him say he didn’t mean it and he’s sorry? In Scheana’s interview, she says, Sandoval used to live on a moral high ground. If he just had more self-awareness and understood it’s not just about the affair. Baby steps forward. She tells Sandoval that he hurt a lot of people. He needs to put his ego aside… He says, it’s not an ego thing, and she says, he’s getting defensive right now. He says he’s tired of being a scapegoat, but Scheana says, it’s about taking accountability. Sandoval says, he is. This is ridiculous. Scheana says, they’re just going in circles, when she’s trying to help, but he says, it’s not helping. She walks away. Outside, James tells Sandoval that he’s burning bridges, but Sandoval says he’s not groveling anymore. He’s out. He walks off.

In Brock’s interview, he says he’s been talking to Scheana about getting a nanny, but she’s very much not good at change. He tells her, it’s important that to have consistency in the house, but she says, their schedule isn’t consistent. Brock says, it hasn’t worked for him. She’s not listening. If she can’t have a schedule, that affects him. Scheana says she loves him, but doesn’t like him right now, and in his interview, he says he’s hoping she comes around. He wants to figure out what’s next for him and his career. Getting a nanny will help him figure out how to be the best dad, husband, and businessman. Gaby comes over, and asks Scheana, how was the Belmont? Scheana says, frustrating. She told Sandoval not to blame others for his situation. He’s not doing himself any favors. She doesn’t remember how it ended, but she walked away. Ariana and Katie were there. She and Ariana had a great conversation and talked about the things that hurt her, like hearing about Dancing with the Stars on Instagram. Brock says, his one concern is, with all the support she has, Ariana hasn’t had time to take a breath. When it slows down… Scheana says, hopefully, it doesn’t.

Ariana and Katie unpack groceries for the party. Sandoval works out in the home gym, and in his interview, he says he’s reflecting on last night. He doesn’t think he’s the reason Schwartz and Katie got divorced, but he’s willing to apologize. He wants to prioritize things important to Scheana because he wants to mend the friendship. Ariana gets a text from poor Ann that the boss man is coming downstairs to make a shake. In Katie’s interview, she says, when Ariana leaves the room, it gets cold and dark, and she can’t breathe. Sandoval comes down and asks if Ariana is having people over. Katie says, they’re going to play games, and Sandoval says he’s been reflecting on shit and wants to apologize for the way acted he last year during the divorce. He knows Katie was going through a lot and didn’t need extra sh*t. Katie says, apologies are just words. At the end of the day, he f***ed up big time. It’s fathomless the way he carried on an affair like that. Sandoval asks if she can’t fathom that happening, and Katie says she walked away from a marriage to someone she loved because she needed to be happy, but she still didn’t f*** Schwartz’s friend behind his back. In her interview, she says she was in love with somebody who couldn’t return the love in the way she wanted or deserved to be loved. Sandoval says he’s trying to look back and reflect. He’s doing the best he can, Katie says she thinks having parties with random strangers in the house he cohabits in with Ariana shows audacity. In Sandoval’s interview, he says he’s trying to take accountability and apologize. He was remorseful at the Reunion. We flash back to that, and Sandoval says, it’s still not good enough. Katie says he needs to try and do better. Stay out of the way and give Ariana more decency and respect. Sandoval says he and Ariana need to have a conversation at some point, and Katie says, Ariana wants to sell the house. He says, the ball’s in her court, and leaves.

Tom journals, and in his interview, he says, Raquel cutting him off is painful. It comes in waves. Journaling and not drinking connects her to him because he knows she’s journaling and not drinking. He shows Schwartz some photos of him and Raquel together, and says, he lost pretty much all his friends and now he’s losing Raquel. It’s a lot emotionally. Schwartz says, Sandoval is feeling sullen, and in his interview, Sandoval says, part of him thought when Raquel gets out, they’d both be in a healthy place to see each other again and connect. He’s figuring out that it’s never going to happen, and it really breaks his heart. 😭Waaah! He cries in the closet, looking at the photos and saying, it will never happen again. Scwartz tells him, never say never. If it’s any consolation, Schwartz feels in his heart and soul that he’s at the tail end of this. Sandoval says, that’s not remotely accurate. He’s being treated like Scott Peterson and that will linger. Schwartz says, didn’t he murder his wife? and Sandoval says, allegedly. He’s feeling destructive. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he doesn’t know how to help. He’s wracking his brain and needs someone with more expertise to show him better days are ahead. He tells Sandoval that he needs a little love. He’s got to break the Raquel spell. Schwartz is in his late life emo phase. It’s time to heal.

Guests arrive, and the Toms stop by to say hi before they slip out. Ariana is like, get the f*** out, and they decide to play Never Have I Ever. Ariana reads, never have I ever cheated on a partner more than once, because there are ever only sex questions in any game. Ally tells James, just drink. There’s a threesome question next, and Brock says he wasn’t involved, but he was in the room. In Scheana’s interview, she says she was once in an orgy with an A-list celebrity. Once upon a time, her body was a wonderland. I don’t know whether to say, congratulations, or be grossed out. Ally says, never have I ever dropped my pet in the middle of nowhere because I didn’t want it anymore. No one believes it’s the real question, but she shows them.

Jax texts Schwartz, saying he thinks it’s okay, but has to check with Brittany. The guys meet at TomTom, and Jo meets Ally for her reading.  Brock says, there’s a question mark about what Schwartz’s relationship is with Jo, and Schwartz says, they had a whirlwind romance a while back, but he doesn’t want to date. He does love hanging out with her. Brock asks if Jo knows that, and Schwartz says, yeah. Jo is a sweet soul. Ally gives Jo her reading, and says, Jo is the light at the end of the tunnel for many people. Schwartz is activating her house of friendship, and their bond is proven, but friends date. Your spouse should be your best friend. Ally says she wants Jo to feel welcome. At the end of the day, she’s Schwartz’s friend. Jo says she was called an anorexic crackhead whore, and her mom asked if she did crack. She’s never said a bad thing about them. Schwartz tells the guys that he wants to be single, like when they were all in West Hollywood together. Those times are rarer as they get older. It was the best of times and the worst of times. We flash back to that, and Schwartz says, it was always a little tumultuous with them. Jax arrives. Oh I see. Are we gliding into The Valley?

In Schwartz’s interview, he says, Sandoval and Jax haven’t communicated long time. They’re not friends, but deep down, he thinks they love each. Maybe. Jax says, advice from one person who’s dabbled in infidelity to another. He’s raising kids and living life. We see photos of that, and he says he’s opening a bar, Jax’s, in Studio City, a sports bar. They’re the last people he’d ask restaurant advice from. In Sandoval’s interview, he says, Jax always feels like they’re in competition, and we flash back to Sandoval whining, why can’t Jax be happy for him? Good times… He says, unfortunately they were best friends. He thinks as time went on, he realized nothing brings Jax more joy than celebrating other people’s failure and misery. Jax says he saw Sandoval’s pictures and he looks 50. He heard what’s going on. Sandoval seems to look better… minus the white nail polish. In Jax’s interview, he says, Sandoval lacks emotion, is tone deaf, and selfish. He says, what Sandoval did wrong. What he did was wrong too, but it’s the way Sandoval handled it. Sometimes it’s okay to tuck your tail between your legs. It’s humbling. Tom says, Jax must be humble. Jax is only interesting when he’s talking about him. He’s been relentlessly talking sh*t. Jax says, the whole world has been talking sh*t, and in Schwartz’s interview, he says, this is so bad. Sandoval asks if he dogpiled on Jax when Jax was down, and Jax says, actually, he did. Sandoval is him seven years ago. He owned his sh*t and now his life is the best it’s ever been. He worked his ass off to get where he is. He’s happy and Sandoval is literally a disgrace.

Brock suggests they take a beat. They haven’t seen each other in a while. Jax admits he came in guns blazing, but he was triggered and needed to get things off his chest. Sandoval was a huge part of his life, and if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t be here. He has Sandoval’s name tattooed on his arm. We flash back to that, and Jax says, they’ve all done the same thing. In Jax’s interview, he says she knows what it’s like to hit rock bottom. He had the best job on Vanderpump Rules, but because of his ego, he f***ed it up. We flash back to that, and he says he was in a dark place. He felt he’d lost it all. Financially, he didn’t know what to do, and his wife was pregnant. It was rough emotionally. He was thinking, it can’t be poor me, and he had to put his big boy pants on and start at ground zero. He tells Sandoval to call if he needs anything and they hug it all out. Jax says he didn’t mean to come in hot, but it’s been two years. In Jax’s interview, he says he didn’t care about anyone or anything. He was just selfish.

We segue into The Valley...

🍼 Same Pump, Different Day…

Golf and kids in the suburbs; a county fair themed party; Jax saying, a child out of wedlock, 14,000 times; and Jax and Brittany have a goddam storage unit just for Halloween decorations. But I can’t, so…

🕺 Stealing Your TikTok Dance Moves…

Join me tomorrow for soap and exciting news from around the globe. The latter is questionable, but it sounded good. Until then, stay safe, stay remembering your phone is not an appendage, and stay not letting your anger go sideways when you’re mad at a situation.