Category Archives: television

Sep7

September 6, 2015 – Cait & Some Other Ladies

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

I Am Cait

This ought to be good tonight. Cait is getting together with Kris Jenner for the first time since her transition. She has a stylist coming and she’s seriously rocking a gorgeous batwing-sleeved top right now. I don’t think the stylist is going to have any trouble pulling a look together for Cait.

A lot of the episode centered on the ESPY Awards. Cait is going to receive the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage. This is also the first time she will be appearing before a large crowd as Caitlyn. Not too much pressure. It goes flawlessly and unless you’re living in a bank vault, you’ve already seen Cait in that stunning white Versace gown, designed by Donatella herself. But in case you haven’t heard Cait’s moving speech, you can watch it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYj4_-EroNo

Just please return after you do, and don’t get caught up in watching an hour of cute pet videos. They don’t call it “the web” fer nuttin’.

Cait tries calling Kris, but the call goes to voicemail. It’s not set up yet, so the recording says to call in later, which gives Cait the quote of the night. “Calling in later; that’s my life.”

Cait is also sad about Kris not being at the ESPYs. Me too. She’s been there to support Cait for everything for a long time, so naturally it would feel like there’s something missing.

Lots of glamour in this episode – I desperately want Cait’s oversized, tortoise shell, cat’s eye sunglasses and would buy them in a heartbeat if I had a spare $300 laying around – but there’s also a nice balance with the serious issues in the LGBT community. Cait joins her friend, Chandi Moore, in addressing a group of LGBT youth. There is a lot of discussion about paperwork and changing identities. It’s amazing, the rude questions that have to be fielded when a name on an ID doesn’t fit the person it’s issued to. Everything from the snarky calling a transgender man “ma’am” to the downright nasty, asking a woman what she has in her pants.

Cait is seriously considering using “Bruce Jenner” on an application for joining a new section of her old golf course, but decides to have her name legally changed. This is another hassle transgender people face. It can take up to a year in some states.

I found it interesting that, in seeing Caitlyn as Bruce again in flashbacks, I think she fits her authentic skin so much better. I’m sure some of that has to do with being more relaxed and confident, but she also definitely the butterfly, whereas Bruce was the cocoon.

Ha-ha-ha! A few “closet” jokes tonight. I knew that had to be coming at some point.

I should have known. The meeting with Kris has been stretched out to the next episode. What a tease!

Ladies of London

Starts Monday and I can’t wait to see these girls again! I’m especially looking forward to Julie Montagu joining the cast full time. Born in Illinois, her husband is a Viscount, and something like 400th in line for the throne.

That reminds me. Whatever happened to Almost Royal on BBCAmerica? It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Two stand up comics, playing brother and sister, 50th and 51st in line for the throne, and fooling the general public in the USA. Sort of a kinder, gentler Borat.

If you’re from the USA, hope you’re enjoying your Memorial Day weekend. Amid the final barbecues and good-by-to-summer parties, (and sobbing because Fear the Walking Dead was not on tonight) please take a moment to remember why we celebrate!

Sep5

September 4, 2015 — GH & Catching Up

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General Hospital

Now that I finally got nuKiki and TJ down, I wonder who nuSloane is every time I see him.

It’s one of those rare times I agree with Sonny – Charlie is stupid. Does he really think Sonny was born yesterday? He might have come unarmed, but I’m sure arms are right around the corner. TJ’s eyes look like they’re going to pop out of his head. I’d probably look the same if a gun was that close to my face. I’m guessing this episode is going to end with a cliffhanger bang. Who is this guy, Charlie, anyway? A mob renegade? It usually doesn’t end too well for those types, and it’s highly doubtful they’re going to kill off Sonny.

Oooh! Nice cut and color on Olivia! I see there have been new cuts and colors all around. I guess in Port Charles they have hairdresser day where everyone gets it done at once.

I’d like to know how Nicholas got to be a “pillar of the community” when he rarely even leaves Windermere? And when did Anna get this big revelation about Sloane? A lot seems to happen offstage. Is this a police station or a matchmaking operation? Jordon gets involved in a lot of people’s romantic affairs.

“Dressing – Primping – Leaving.”  The Survivor bride motto. Hey, can I buy extravagant gifts and put them on Sonny’s tab? How does Michael think Morgan got a hangover? How quickly we forget.

If aliens were watching daytime TV and saw the commercials, they’d think we’re all a sickly bunch who take a lot of medication. Ironic how difficult it is to get any of the characters to take one pill, even when they’re going off the rails.

Whoa. Wait. What happened? WTF, Sloane? Did something else happen when I blinked? Was Nicholas throwing signs? Stop toying with me & Anna! Not liking nuSloane.

Geez, Charlie turned into a big baby really fast.

Yep, my prediction was right. Not so much psychic as having watched this for 50 years.

The Haves & The Have Nots

Apparently in missing the first half hour on Tuesday, I missed a lot. All the upheaval during Jim’s live interview, after the bombshell dropped that he had 2 sons by one of his maids. Finding out that Veronica was behind his son Ryan’s near-rape in prison after Jim had put him in there to teach him a lesson. (What happened to grounding?) And the piêce de rèsistance, Jim trying to strangle Veronica in a room full of people. Whew!

But wait a second. Didn’t Candace save anything from the millions she got out of Jim? Why does she need a bankroll to prove that she can take car of her son? I love Candace and Oscar (really?) together. I hope he continues to be the nice guy he seems to be. Is that even possible on a show like this?

Now that I’ve seen the beginning, it makes a lot more sense now why Jim wants a “bloodbath.”  I thought he was just being exceptionally crabby.

Sep4

September 3, 2015 — GH & Some Lost Secrets

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Adding “the shipments” to the list of generic terms the PC mob uses. I’ll bet they’re secretly selling Amway. For the love of God, someone please say the name of the kid-whose-name-I-can-never-remember. I finally got the names down on MasterChef though Major points for me!

WHAT HAPPENED TO SLOANE??? That’s not Sloan. Who is that guy and what happened to the handsome one? All right, I’ll take the buzzcut, just bring him back. This guy reminds me of Beau Bridges. (No offense to Beau, but he just ain’t the other Sloane.) Seeing Sloane’s lovesickness over Anna has given me the earworm of Meatloaf’s “I Would Do Anything For Love,” except Sloan would do that too.

Somebody Morgan’s age (TJ! It’s TJ! That’s his name!) shouldn’t have that bad of a hangover. Geez, where are the days when young people went straight to brunch? If he keeps going the way he’s going, I might actually start liking Sonny. I even stopped watching GH for a while when it became The Sonny Show. While I love the spy stuff – ah, the days of the Ice Princess, the Wellington Dog, and Casey the alien (yeah, I know, I’m the only one who liked that storyline, but, Brad Lockerman) – I’ve always felt that if I want to watch mob doings, I’ll watch Goodfellas.

Is it me, or did Hayden’s hair color change when she was unconscious for so long in the hospital? Those crazy nurses!

Question. If Jublia is so great, how come the foot playing tennis still has fungus on its toes at the end of the match? The ridiculous things that bother me…

The Real Housewives of New York: Secrets Revealed

I love how they come up with new ways to milk the season. Secrets Revealed is the new Lost Footage. I’m glad they changed the title because “lost footage” seriously insults my intelligence. I have this mental picture of Andy Cohen hiding film clips in his desk until the season is over. Oddly enough, we often get some of the best footage out of the extra episodes. New earworm: “Save the Best for Last.”

Maybe there is hope. Bethenny is talking about how she was practically living on the street 6 or 7 years ago, and now she’s a skabillionaire. Although I don’t exactly have her energy.  Dorinda found an old love letter email from her late husband, Richard, that he wrote while she was sleeping. He talks about wanting to wake her, but they have plenty of years for that. Tears in everyone’s eyes, including mine.

OMG. Heather actually stopped in the middle of what she was saying and said she didn’t really care, it was basically too stupid a topic to continue with. That reminded me of the time when I was taking a musical comedy class. (You could really sing anything; it didn’t have to be from a musical.) This girl stopped in the middle of her song and said she never realized how idiotic the lyrics were, and sat down.

Sonja was defensive and needy? Has there been a time when she wasn’t? BTW, for all Sonja’s yapping about how the ladies talk about her, she sure had a lot to say about Kristen’s husband being caught up in that Ashley Madison business. My love for Sonja has waned this season. I don’t know if it’s too much drinking or what, but she seemed more unhinged than eccentric. Ow! That was my reaction to the knife in my heart when Kristen talked about breaking out her wedding dress for her 10th anniversary. Kristen seems surprised her wedding dress still fits. Really? She doesn’t look like she has an ounce of body fat. She couldn’t possibly have been thinner 10 years ago. Carole tries on the dress too. That seems kind of weird to me. I understand wanting to try them on at a store, even if you’re not the one getting married, but not somebody’s already-been-worn dress.

Ha-ha! Ramona just called Heather and Carole “Harold.” Ugh! I hate when Ramona gets all huggy/clingy. It usually happens after she’s done something awful and wants forgiveness. She makes me think of a sloth clinging to a tree. Or worse, a spider wrapping web material around a fly.

WHAT’RE YA DOIN’ HERE WITHOUT DORINDA?!

Sep3

September 2, 2015 — GH, the Rich, the Small & the Final Four

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The Haves and the Have Nots

This show is just so over-the-top cool! I love these Tyler Perry nighttime soaps because they evoke a revamped 70s/80s style. It’s like he refashioned old-fashioned. The actors must be having a great time with this stuff too.

Last night, I missed the beginning, because I just had to find out what the tip was on rerun of  Below Deck ($12,000), but apparently, the cat is out of the bag that Jim has two illegitimate children by one of his maids, and his popularity just took a nosedive. Jim says he’s “not having a good day,” and this is an understatement. He wants everyone dead.

His business partner friend knows that his wife, Veronica, is on Jim’s death wish list, and he’s having none of that. He tells Jim that if Veronica is harmed, he’ll show him “the like of an enemy [Jim] has never seen.” Them’s fightin’ words. Although I don’t get why David cares so much about her, since a couple of episodes ago, she tried to burn down the house with him in it.

Ah, love.

General Hospital

Aw, Jake. I like him. I just wish they’d get to telling him who he really is. So he can dump Elizabeth like yesterday’s trash. I don’t like her. I never quite understood why all the ladies loved Jason, but nuJason is very lovable.

Anna is back! At one I’d point hoped for a “love triangle” between her, Duke and Sloane, but Duke’s dead and Sloane is MIA, so there goes that. Oh, wait, they’re talking about Sloane, so he must still be around. He’s one good-looking guy, but please, GH, stay away from those buzzcuts. Maybe that’s where Sloane has been, busy growing out his hair.

Nice scene between Morgan and Sonny about the bi-polar issue, although you’d think Morgan would know all this already. BTW, I’m not too crazy about Michael either. “You’re not hung over cuz you’re still drunk.” HAHAHA, Sonny! Been there myself.

I kind of like Nicholas and Hayden, but I’d feel more comfortable with it if I didn’t think he was planning on killing her.

Molly and kid-whose-name-I-can-never-remember should go into the bakery business.  Carly & Sonny’s wedding cake looks fabulous. Whoops! Maybe not. It looks like there’s a group of masked men who just don’t like cake.

MasterChef

Everyone has to make magic from a single ingredient and their “staple pantry box.” Nick says the simplest things are the hardest to execute. I agree. I can’t make a sunnyside up egg for anything. I love Stephen’s goal to have a farm to table business.

Katrina is wearing a bow on her head again, albeit a lot smaller. I’m betting it grows by the end of the season.

Claudia says she had a dream about Gordon and she has a crush on him. Me too. He might act like a screaming mimi a lot of the time, but that’s not because he’s a nasty guy; he’s just passionate about what he does. And granted, maybe some of it is for the camera. He’s actually quite a kind and caring man, and possibly the hardest working man in the food industry. He has at least 4 TV shows, my favorite being BBCAmerica’s The F Word. It’s very different from the other programs like MasterChef, Hell’s Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares. It’s more of a food variety show, where you get to see where the food comes from, along with some cooking segments and a whole bunch of other stuff. There’s also a contest segment where a celebrity (not a chef) and Gordon compete in making the same dish. And Gordon is not always the winner.

I’m not a bleu cheese lover, but Derrick’s pretzels with bleu cheese look hella good. Claudia wins the first round, but I don’t think her crush has anything to do with it. Oh man, I desperately want their pantry. It has absolutely everything you’d ever need. I love when the winner gets to screw around with the other contestants. This time, Claudia gets to pick her favorite ingredients and one of the others will have to cook with them. A few old timers (winners from previous seasons) have also been invited back to make up baskets for the others. Christine is one of them and one of my favorites. She’s blind and I find her amazing. Nick, who got Claudia’s basket, is totally freaking out.

Katrina seriously screwed up. Undercooked veal. I don’t think that bow is going to save her either. Nick is safe though. For all his freaking out, he had the top dish. Yep, Katrina is going home. The top 4 are Claudia, Stephen, Derrick and Nick. Katrina gets a great consolation prize though. Gordon offers her a culinary trip to France when she’s ready. The bow lives on!

I’m still feeling that Stephen will be the winner. Although seriously, anyone who can hold their own on this show for any amount of episodes – hell, anyone who even made it onto the show – is a winner in my book.

Little Women: Los Angeles

Since MasterChef ran overtime, I missed the first 2 minutes, and tune in to see Tonya and Jasmine hugging it out. Dammit! What were the magic words that made that happen?

It’s a shame that the women aren’t accepting of Briana’s fiancé, Matt. He’s tired of getting the cold shoulder from Briana’s friends and I don’t blame him. While no doubt he has flaws, like Jasmine we’ve only seen Matt treat Briana with respect and love. Jasmine is the only one being cool about it – or not “being all, like uncool” as the Countess would say. If he’s only a fetishest, he’s hiding it pretty well. And he did put a ring on it.

Elena is working with a makeup company and the whatever-they-are seem to be skeptical of her idea of having a mini double-sided brush included in a palette. I’m a palette junkie and I think it’s a fine idea. Their argument is based on the fact that they’ve never manufactured something like that before. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think it’s a good idea to manufacture never-before-done makeup products. Who doesn’t want something new in their makeup wardrobe? This makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Barry Gordy’s son, Kerry, wants to create a hit single for Briana, Christy is going to be in a music video, and Terra’s getting married. These girls are busy! What’s so remarkable about all of them is that, watching them, you would never know the physical struggles they go through. Their challenges go way beyond being small in stature. It seems like every one of them have other physical problems as well. Briana goes to get her hair done and has to put cotton in her ears because getting any water in them can cause 5 days of pain. My admiration grows. Also my awareness of how we all complain about such insignificant things.

Brittney is a dancer, just off of Miley Cyrus’s tour (um….) and is getting an agent. Is everyone’s life more exciting than mine? Those who can’t do, write about it.

Terra’s Little Family

It’s the season finale and time for the wedding. I am so looking forward to this!  Everything is gorgeous, especially the bride. Terra’s father is deceased and I can totally understand the hole that must be in her heart, because I had no father to walk me down the aisle either. Her brother is pinch-hitting though, as my sister did for me, and everything is just beautiful, including tiny flower girl, baby Penny in her wagon, surrounded by flowers. Terra’s dress is perfect, and her pillbox hat with a short veil works well. So does the beige dress/cobalt blue shoe combo for the bridesmaids. Terra’s heel breaks on her way down the aisle, but every wedding needs at least one hitch. For their first dance, Terra has written and recorded her own song. Is there no end to the talents these little women have?

I really love these two and wish them as much happiness as they can handle. In a sea of reality nonsense, they’re a breath of fresh air, and they show us how to handle life’s complications and hardships with grace and maturity, as well as how to do it as a couple. And they literally make me laugh out loud at least twice every episode. They’re the couple you’d love to hang out with IRL. While I totally admit to enjoying the ridiculous arguments and rich people’s problems of The Real Housewives, Terra and Joe are pearls among pebbles.

Million Dollar Listing

It tends to rotate, but now Wednesday is the problematic day of the week for me. The day of the week I have to stay up all night to catch the shows I want to see. So let it suffice to say that I’m glad to see the Los Angeles guys back. My favorite is the New York bunch, but that’s because I know the city so well. But for some reason, I just could not get into the San Francisco group as much. I did get into some of the houses, which were incredible; the brokers, not so much.

Oh, this is good though. The son of the seller of a to-die-for house wants to help out by taking potential buyers on a trip down his own Memory Lane. This guy’s jaw is wired because somebody punched him in the mouth and I understand completely.

Off the watch the finale.

Sep2

September 1, 2015 — GH, Yachting & Parties, & a Gigolo

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

I gotta say, Donna Mills looks terrific in orange, but since it’s the new black, I’m not surprised. Mo’ money, mo’ problems, mo’ arrested.

I’m going to get shingles just having to listen to Terry Bradshaw talk about them every commercial break.

Ok, let’s count. How many scenes can we have with Julian shirtless? Oh Lord, he and Alexis have matching underwear. I’m just not feeling these two.

Oh good. Nathan finally told Madeline his name isn’t James. I’ve been screaming that at the TV for 2 days.

Did Morgan just ask Michael what all his mood changes are about? Did he forget the entire conversation with Sonny and Carly the other day, where they tried to explain he was bi-polar? I give up. Too bad Ava can’t say she needs meds too. It’s not looking good between her and Kiki, which is totally understandable. Kiki (I remembered who she was immediately – progress!) made a good point in that Ava’s feelings for Morgan are stronger than those for her daughter. I still don’t get why either one of them are interested in him — he’s annoying and there’s that eww factor — but she’s right.

Carly just said she’s “feeling lucky.” Is he back again? (haha) I’m liking the kinder, gentler Sonny with her.

How come they haven’t released Franco and Nina yet? OMG, the guard is stepping aside and letting Madeline yap at Nina before he takes her to her cell. What jail does this??? Geez, Nina had to tell him to take Madeline away. The inmates are running the asylum.

Aww, Franco and Nina are getting all mushy. From their jail cells.

From the previews, it looks like both Anna and young Spencer will be back on the scene soon. Yay!

Below Deck

This is a continuation of last week’s episode.  The guy who whose dream it was to have the foam party. Sigh…rich people.

Something seems to be off with new stew Rocky. I don’t know if it’s just immaturity or what, but she acts like a 5-year-old. One of her first personal orders of business is to go up on the mast near the radar with one of the other hands (the French guy Emile). This is apparently dangerous on several levels and you’d think that someone working in yachting would know this. I look forward to more precarious situations with this girl.

Tomboy deckhand Connie’s father passed away. This would be sad, but she doesn’t seem to care as their relationship “ended years ago.” Apparently he was an addict only an inch away from abusing the kids sexually. I don’t blame her.

Ha-ha! Kate is punishing Rocky with a bunch of busy work. Connie is the opposite of Rocky. She says Kate is the boss; do it her way. Yep.

I’m a water baby, so one of my favorite things about this show are the places they go to, even if that place is just out in the middle of the water.  It’s the Bahamas this charter & I am so in.

The primary guest, George, wants it all. (Although, to be truthful, he’s a lot nicer about requesting it than many guests have been. I expect him to tip big.) He now wants a Mexican party where angel-hair pasta is turned into Mexican spaghetti. Kate is freaking over this, but the chef makes it happen deliciously. George has also heard Aerosmith is in the area & has asked if Captain Lee can hook him up. Steven Tyler always seems down for anything, so maybe we’ll see him in this episode. Amy says it can get dicey late at night with charter guests who like to drink a lot. I’ll bet.

Wow. Kate’s kind of a slob in her own cabin. I guess she gets tired of cleaning since she has to clean up after guests all the time, but I’m shocked that she’s not anal about her personal space.

No Steven Tyler, but the stews dress up one of the crew. Unfortunately he looks like Captain Jack Sparrow, so I’m not sure what they were going for here. Instead of Aerosmith, we get a poor man’s Johnny Depp.

Don argues over an order from Captain Lee. Oh, he’s an engineer. That explains it.

My favorite part – tip time! George leaves the boat like a boss king in a huge crown. He’s had the time of his life and hands Captain Lee a fat envelope. The crew sits down at the table to divvy up the spoils. And then I had a dog mini-emergency and missed the whole thing.

Rocky is ridiculous. She doesn’t want to be told what to do, yet admits she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Ok. Maybe she should hook up with Morgan.

My Fab 40th

I don’t know about this show. Each week a different person (so far just women) plan a huge party for their 40th birthday and drama ensues. It’s fun to watch the party being planned and seeing the end result, but it’s hard to invest in anyone who you’re only going to see once.

This episode revolved around a gorgeous single mother and model. At first, this episode bummed me out. She’d been dating her boyfriend of 6 years and wanted to take the next step into marriage. He’d given her a “promise ring” (really? we’re 40, not 14), but seemed to waiver on getting married again. (They’d both been married before.) What bothered me was, here’s this woman who has everything going for her, and she’s waiting around on this guy. Clearly, at this point, he doesn’t want to get married. IMO, if at all, once is enough, but if that’s what she really wants, why waste time on someone who doesn’t? On the other hand, it was a little creepy how her girlfriends were pressuring him to give her a ring at upcoming party.

His surprise for her is going to be a racecar (she’s an enthusiast), something she’d also wanted, but in another uncomfortable-for-me move, she had gone ring shopping with a friend and texted him a picture of the ring she wanted. When she saw the car, she thought maybe the ring was inside. So did I. Even though I thought he was a lost cause by now, I wanted it for her because she wanted it. And I was afraid if she didn’t get it, she’d waste more time when there was a whole wide world out there. But she surprised me.

There was no ring in the car and she dumped him, but kept the car.

She’ll do just fine. With or without a new man.

Vanderpump Rules

No it’s not the new season yet, but I just read that Kristen and James have broken up. Although I’ve never been a fan of James, I hated watching him be, for lack of a better word, cuckolded throughout the entire last season. Hopefully, he now has a clue that Kristen is batsh*t crazy and is never going to stop stalking her ex, Tom. Lisa fired her for God’s sake. And Lisa puts up with a lot with these kids.

This is actually in my top ten, if not five, favorites of reality shows. I adore Lisa and Ken, and will watch anything that might have a gratuitous scene with Giggy.

I can’t wait to see that little sex monster again.

Sep1

August 31, 2015 — PC & the OC

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Who knew Silas’s apartment had such a revolving door and had so much going on there? I won’t be hiring Rick the weasel as an attorney any time soon, since I’m guessing he should have known about Silas’s claim to Nina’s money. Did he do no research?

Madeline: “I will admit there was some ambiguity about [Nina’s] death.” Ha-ha-ha! Like Mark Twain, the report of her death was an exaggeration.

Ok, Morgan is a total idiot. He needs to stop begging whining, and make an exit like a man. Dump him now, Kiki. Please. Thank you.

Well, Silas did say “over my dead body.” It’s probably not good to throw a phrase like that around when you’re dealing with diabolical people. It makes sense that Madeline did it. Donna Mills probably has another engagement. Too bad she can’t take Rick with her. And Morgan. Why does Madeline keep calling Nathan “James?” I’m confused enough.

Not bad for a Monday. In the old days, they always waited until Tuesday for a reveal, but just like the TV seasons, they now just throw it up in the air and see where it lands.

The Real Housewives of the OC

What is wrong with this group? Why is it incomprehensible that someone would choose an alternative to chemo for treating cancer? And why is it unfathomable that someone doesn’t want to discuss a personal topic with the world? Do you not remember that you’re not the only ones at the table? We’re watching too.

Vicki never wants to see Meghan again. Me neither. Now Meghan stirred the sh*t and she’s all weepy. Ho-hum. Meghan claims not to be coming from “a place of malice,” but then calls Vicki a bitch the second she leaves the room. I could spend this whole post just writing “I hate Meghan” a la Jack Torrance in The Shining. Geez, by the time I was 30, I managed to comprehend that there are as many ways to live as there are people.  Not that I think she should, but at least Nene fom Atlanta Wives has a reason to feel superior. What has this woman done with her life? Marry rich? Oh, congratulations on something no one else in Orange County has done. Let’s synchronize our watches and count down until her divorce.

And what the blip are “judgey eyes” anyway? This twit is the most judgmental thing I’ve ever seen. All over.

Tamra and Eddie are having a “sex party” to promote their new workout video. For not being on the show this season, Lizzie is sure in a lot of scenes. Maybe she’s the next Countess. OMG, now Meghan is faulting Vicki for wearing white, saying she wore it for the attention and to give an f-u to the party theme. Tamra wanted them to wear their sexiest outfits and Vicki’s dress is all lace. I guess it wouldn’t occur to judgey brained Meghan that it might be Vicki’s sexiest outfit. Duh. Who wrote the rule that a sexy dress has to be black? The video turns out to be pretty funny. It’s kind of like that joke where you think the two people are going at it, but it really turns out to be a dentist and a patient. This time it’s Tamra and Eddie, but they’re really exercising.

Vicki says the party is like Moulin Rouge gone to hell, and I tend to agree.

I don’t think I’d want to eat sushi off of some naked person either. Heather, Shannon and I totally agree on the unsanitary aspect of that. Vicki is actually trying to talk the naked sushi girl into going to college and getting a real career.

If Tamra wants to be taken seriously as a Christian, it might be a good start to let her husband know what’s going on. He seemed pretty startled when she said she wanted to get baptized. Why would she think Eddie would be unsupportive? Eddie is one of few reasons I don’t think she’s a total loss. Here’s another clue, Vicki’s reactions to Meghan might be “over the top” (although I don’t think so), but she just lost her mother. She doesn’t want to hear about losing her boyfriend. Everyone just follow Eddie’s example – be supportive and shut up. Come to think of it, Meghan says she’s a Christian too. Is this some special kind of California Christian that I don’t know about? Like they secretly follow Jesus, but act like a-holes to the rest of the world? <Heaving huge sigh.>

Leech therapy on your stomach for more youthful skin? Really, Heather?  And your doctor husband is on board with this? What’s next, the blood of young virgins? And I guarantee, even if Demi Moore does this, she’s also had work done. Hmmm…wait a second. Weren’t you one of the ones questioning Brook’s decision on the alternative cancer therapy? At least it doesn’t involve an insect that sticks to you like a…leech. I’m game for a lot of things, but this isn’t one of them.

What is with Meghan and her  husband that they think everyone needs to “prove” things all the time? I love how Meghan keeps saying that “the psychic” is the one who said Brooks didn’t have cancer, when she’s the one who keeps repeating it. And actually, that’s not what he said. He said “might not” and then quickly back pedaled. This girl is the same kind of girl who sits down between you and the guy you’re interested in, turns her back to you and excludes you from the conversation. Then later acts like she didn’t see you there. True story. It happened to me. But I got the guy anyway because that behavior is not attractive. What Meghan also doesn’t understand is that this group of “old women” has seen her type before and has her number.

Hubby just told Meghan to “zip it.” This is turning out better than I thought. Anybody else notice he was playing with his wedding ring during the car ride home? And he could barely looked at her. DUN-DUN-DUNNN! HA-HA-HAAA!

The really horrible thing is, I’ll bet Meghan is going to have a conniption if Brooks’s treatment works. It’s probably more important for her to be right than for this guy to live. She’s what Dr. Phil calls “a right fighter.” She calls it “love of justice”; I call it bullsh*t.  Ooh, even better, apparently hubby told Brooks that they’ve been married for 4 months and 2 of those were “challenging.” Challenging is the word we now use for anything difficult or painful, and he hardly knows Brooks.

Thank God Devious Maids is over with for a while. For both our sakes. I’ve rambled enough.

Aug31

August 30, 2015 — Dating Cait, Dead People & a Train

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

I Am Cait

I don’t blame Cait for being apprehensive about dating. Any woman getting thrown back into the dating pool at 65 would be scared. Unless you’re Tina Turner or some other mega-fabulous being. Cait and friends go to a club where gorgeous guys are pole dancing and dollar bills are being thrown around. Poor Cait is so uncomfortable, it reminds me of Benjamin’s date with Elaine in The Graduate.

Quote of the episode – Cait referring to the club: “In The Abbey they’re all packin’.”

Um…just because Cait is uncomfortable with the strippers doesn’t have anything to do with her liking/not liking men. Seriously, Jenny? Jenny can be pretty astute though, pointing out that Cait has always escaped her problems through work. IMO, it’s better than escaping through drugs. At least you make money rather than spend it. Cait suggests that being with a man might make a transgender woman feel like “a real woman.” When Jenny asks what she means by that, she says “any other woman you see on the street.” Jenny then gives her the advice we should all heed, that Cait is “normal” right now and a woman doesn’t need a man to validate her and make her a woman. I’m sure there’s a country song in here somewhere. Welcome to my world Cait.

What was interesting is that Jenny also said Cait has too much work on the brain. Wasn’t she the same person who suggested Cait be a one-woman educator for the masses? I’m glad she’s come to see that Cait does care about the rest of the world and not just what’s in her shoe closet.

One of the sadder things brought up tonight is how often transgender women are made to think they’re only good for one thing once their transgender status has been revealed. That men will romance them until they find out, and after that’re reduced to late night booty calls. The words that have been hanging silently in the air throughout the series are finally given a voice. Maybe Cait should date Candis. I think she should. Candis is the whole package. I’d date Candis.

Cait tells Candis that the worst thing is to not have hope for the future. I totally agree. Lots of pearls of wisdom tonight.

Fear the Walking Dead

Who is this kid with the acne – in other words, the 30-year-old they’re trying to get us to believe is in high school – who keeps skulking around and obviously knows something? Ok, now he’s talking. Conspiracy theories and how when society crashes, it’s like Lord of the Flies. He’s also gotten the knife back that Madison confiscated from him in the first episode. Except a pocket knife against a zombie is hardly going to be effective, especially a fresh zombie. The knife’s metal is quickly tested on Principal Artie and Tobias (the acne-faced kid) has a hard time getting it through Artie’s thick skull.

Curtis and his ex are looking for their other son who is not Nick. He’s at some kind of protest where things are about to get out of hand. Everything is getting dicey with dead people coming back to life and of course the looters are busy. It’s nice to know that some things never change. A tragedy has happened? Quick! Let’s steal some TVs! The three hole up in a barber shop. As it gets even creepier outside, there is no way Travis can leave to meet Madison, the plan having been to leave Los Angeles together. Madison is at home with Nick & her daughter, Alicia. Things are not going well outside there either.

Will Travis be able to get away to meet Madison? Will Madison be able to get away to meet Travis? Why is it 2 weeks until the next episode?

Snowpiercer   (WARNING: SPOILERS)

Just to prove I don’t just watch schlock, let’s talk movies. I caught Snowpiercer on Showtime over the weekend. It was so good, even though I was at home, I didn’t even want to get up to go to the bathroom.

Giving a Reader’s Digest Condensed version of the plot, in trying to fix global warming, a huge miscalculation has been made and brings on another ice age, killing all life. Apparently, however, there was some warning, because the survivors are now bound for nowhere on a gigantic train. The train (the number of cars never talked about, but in the graphic novel, it’s 1000+) is a microcosm of society, with the elite being in the front cars, and the dregs of humanity in the back. Kind of like your everyday flight on a major airline. It’s a nightmare living in the back – they’ve been on the train for 17 years now – so it’s time for a revolution.

As the group of rebels goes forward through the train, I was reminded of The Warriors (1979), where a gang has to get back to their home turf, fighting various rivals (in various costumes and makeup!) as they make their way through New York City. Snowpiercer is very detail oriented, and I was fascinated with the different cars and the different groups of people.

There are lots of great fight scenes, which made me wonder if those In the tail section (or “the shoe” as Tilda Swinton reminds them, while the people in the front section are “the hat”) had been watching Ninja movies and doing strength training all those years, since they have extreme fighting down to a science. There is also a very weird break In the action because the new year arrives.

A lot of the characters are weird, although I guess I’d be weird too, if I was riding a train for 17 years. I hate being in the car for more than two hours. Tilda Swinton is remarkable as Minister Mason, a somewhat androgynous second in command, chewing the scenery, using words like “hooliganism,” and spewing forth great lines, such as, “You suffer from the misplaced optimism of the doomed.”

One of my favorite scenes was in the aquarium section (an absolutely gorgeous set!) where sushi is also served twice a year, and It just so happens that this is one of the times. As the insurgents prepare to dig in, leader Curtis stops Mason from eating, handing her one of the protein bars that the rear cars have been eating for years. No doubt she knows what it’s made out of – insects – something Curtis and crew discovered along the way. Although truthfully, that’s supposed to be one of the best sources of protein. I know. You eat it then.

The train itself reminded me of Coney Island’s rickety wooden roller coaster, Cyclone, the scary way it bounced along the tracks at breakneck speed. None of the parts are getting any younger either, and when she blows, it’s a phenomenal scene. Somehow, I missed this in the theater. It’s a shame because it’s just the kind of film I like to see at the movies. Lots of special effects and blowing things up. It makes me feel like I’m getting my money’s worth, since it costs as much as a cruise for a ticket now. Thank God for the dollar store, so I don’t have to take out a second mortgage to get candy.

I can understand why, at the end, Curtis doesn’t want the job of overseeing humanity. My first job in NYC was with a place that took ticket orders for shows before TicketMaster was born. I was a supervisor for a while and I hated it. I didn’t want to tell other adults when they were allowed to have a bathroom break. So I know how you feel, Curtis.

The story was taken from a graphic novel, but I wish it was a “real” book because I have a few questions. The most pressing of which concerns a polar bear seen at the end of the film. If the earth had was uninhabitable, and all life dead (we saw this to be true looking out the windows throughout the film), where did it come from? It can’t be evolution, because there was nothing to evolve from except snow. Did God put it there? Did it fall out of the train? Will it eat those kids who survived?

Snowpiercer made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me watch it a second time. It was one of those movies where afterward, you don’t want to watch anything else, because you know it will pale in comparison.

Aug30

August 28, 2015 – GH & Bravo Bits

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 Ok, so I’m late.

The People’s Couch

A true dream job, being filmed watching TV with your friends and getting paid for it. What the blip happened to that show? It was so funny and I was starting to feel like I knew those people. Now they don’t call, they don’t write…

Friday’s General Hospital

Ok. Let’s take an informal poll. Who hasn’t been a visitor at the jail yet? Silas. Oh, that’s right, he’s dead. It was good of Morgan to break up with Ava “face to face,” but I’m not applauding too hard, since what was he going to do? Send her a text? Call her? Although they probably all have cell phones in that jail too.

All right, I’ll go see The Perfect Guy if they stop showing the commercial every 5 minutes. Isn’t there something they can do to rotate this stuff better? One time, a friend and I were watching The Brain That Wouldn’t Die, one of those hysterically funny because it’s bad horror films, and they showed the exact same commercials every single break through the entire movie. We almost called the station. It reminded me of the time another friend accidentally put a subway token in a bar jukebox and it played the flip side of what she’d selected (Cherchez la Femme) over and over and over, until another patron finally walked over and gave the jukebox a serious kick. Every time the song was done playing, we would stop talking, look at each other and wait. Then it would come on again and we would die laughing.

Back at the ranch Port Charles, Julian is proving that he’s totally useless. Um…once again being picky, but I’ve seen enough court shows to know that they don’t allow litigants to wander around the courtroom (Nina and several other people). This is one free-for-all of a town. I’m trying to figure out what Rick’s motive to kill Silas would be. I’m assuming, if this is the case, Silas knew about the plot to get Nina’s money, but how would Nathan come up with that? I’m waiting for Dillon to say, “I know! Let’s build a stage in the barn and put on a show!”

Oh yeah, Morgan, you need some medication — stat! Normally I wouldn’t say this, but listen to your father. Morgan makes me nervous just watching him. Sonny just said if he doesn’t take his meds, he turns into a wrecking ball who hurts everyone he loves. I’m not sure he’s the greatest example, since he’s not much better when he’s on the medication. Hey, how’d Rick the weasel get sprung? And isn’t there some kind of conflict of interest here? Not that it’s ever stopped anyone before. Too bad this is network daytime. I would have liked to see Nina give Madeline and Rick the finger on her way out of the courtroom.

Where’s young Spencer these days? He’s one of the few children I really love watching. Unlike those kids who are obviously just looking for their cues, he’s actually talented. I predict a great future in show biz for him, or at least in sales.

And I don’t know about you, but why would any woman want to have a relationship with a guy who’d hooked up with her mother? Ewww! I would never be able to get that mental picture out of my mind. Although Morgan’s haircut is now getting to the point where I want to rub his fuzzy head.

Oh ho! Now Madeline is on the suspect list. Did everyone come to visit Silas that day? Might as well throw in Alice.

Random Bravo-ity

I was flipping around here, since my town was being shown on What Would You Do? at the same time.  Tonight, Bravo had a bunch of half hour bits to promote their Real Housewives Awards, with categories like Best Supporting Agitator and Realest Reconciliation. This is a better ploy to milk the shows than saying it’s “lost footage.” I’m glad they stopped with that. “Lost” makes it sound like either they’re imbeciles who can’t keep track of their work or they think I’m stupid because I believe they suddenly found something attached to what we just saw.

While there was a little extra we hadn’t seen before, it was mostly classic clips, like The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s therapy session. I guess Nene thought Dr. Jeff was going to put her on some kind of pedestal and absolve her of all wrongdoing, and when that didn’t happen, she ran. I almost need therapy after watching her all season. She’s a true example of fame going to your head. Man, she got mean! Was her tagline really, “Why be so nasty and so rude, when I can be so fierce and so successful?” What happened? Someone send her a dictionary so she can understand what she said.

Rosie from the Jersey Wives! I love Rosie! Give her all the awards!

If they had an award for Stupidest Housewife, it would probably go to Portia. I don’t even know any children who think the Underground Railroad is an actual railroad. And her grandfather is the late civil rights activist, Hosea Williams. Not only was she not paying attention in school, she wasn’t paying attention at home either. And of course there was that reunion incident with Kenya. Stupid and violent is not a good look.

I never thought I’d see Kenya Moore become the voice of reason, so maybe I haven’t seen it all. You sort of form relationships with these people (albeit from a distance) after watching them for years, and I was proud of Kenya when she stopped playing to the camera so much, and started acting like a real human being. She was truly “Gone with the Wind fabulous” this season.  I was glad to that she got past that Apollo nonsense with Phaedra too…sort of. Although Kenya was out of line in the beginning, flirting with Apollo at the pool, she honestly doesn’t strike me as the type to go after another woman’s husband. Although I wouldn’t trust Apollo as far as I could throw him. As a result, Phaedra seemed to latch onto Kenya as a receptacle for her problems with Apollo. But we all know where he ended up.

And it ain’t the jail in Port Charles.

Aug28

August 27, 2015 — GH, NYC & Real Time TV

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Love Carly’s lowlights! I see everyone is wandering around the jail unattended now.  If I ever decide to commit a crime, I’m doing it in Port Charles.  I actually like Ava.  I barely even remember Connie Falconeri, so who cares? I thought Sonny was pretty nasty to Ava regarding Avery too. Did he make that baby all by himself? One thing I do remember is that scene in the mausoleum, and he was definitely on board (and on a few other things) there.

As you already know, I’m more about the action stuff than the romantic stuff, but I do think Nathan and Maxi are super cute(not to be confused with Hello Kitty). Whatever happened to “super couples” anyway? I’m still disappointed over Luke and Tracy parting ways. I really liked them together. Dammit, Tony Geary! You ruined everything and shattered all my dreams.

Lots of exposition today.  Did they get an influx of new viewers?  I know all this; let’s move on.

I’m hoping Wile E. Coyote makes a jail appearance and drops an anvil from ACME on Morgan’s head. He’s soooo whiny. But I’m getting the feeling not a whole lot is going to happen today. Yeah, it’s Thursday. …zzzzzz…..

William DeVry is really a good actor, but I’ve never been able get into Julian in any way, shape or form. Not even when he’s doing push-ups.

Since not much is happening, here’s a story.

Many years ago, there was a fantasy camp called Daytime Encounters in Manhattan.  You spent the day with several soap actors and other people in the business.  They did Q&A panels, but even better, you got to work with them.  There was a soap scene written for the event, they had auditions for the parts, provided lunch, and had a hair and makeup team to get you ready. After the scene was filmed, everyone watched it and got a copy. Since I went to acting school and had dabbled in a few show bizzy things, this sounded like a lot of fun. I checked out their website, and unfortunately, it cost a bundle. Somewhere around 500 bucks. So I signed up for future information, just in case I won LOTTO.

Maybe about 6 months later, I got an email from the Fine Living Network (which I don’t think exists anymore). They told me that if I’d allow them to interview me for a show called Fantasy Camps, they’d pay my way to the event. This time, Daytime Encounters would be using actors from One Life To Live, which had always been my favorite of the soaps. They didn’t have to ask twice.

The night before, a cameraman and sound guy came out to my house for an at home interview. They knew I’d once done some acting and asked me if I had any scrapbooks (of course!) and wanted to film me looking at them. I seriously hoped I wouldn’t come off like Miss Havisham, covered in cobwebs, still waiting for the right part to come along after 30 years. At the time we had three dogs – a Golden Retriever (the totally misnamed Einstein), a German Shepherd (Madison) and a Pekingese (Juliet). My husband had taken them outside so they wouldn’t disrupt things, but the cameraman thought it would be cool to include them. This is it! I thought. Juliet’s chance to be my shining star. She was (and still is) the smartest and funniest dog I know, and I was sure she’d be amazing on camera.

Well, you know how pets can make a liar out of you. The two big dogs just stood there, acting like they’d never seen toys, sticks, or even people before, while Juliet barked incessantly at the cameraman. “Pick her up and give her a kiss,” the cameraman said. I did, and she tried to bite me on the nose. Some best friend and some shining star. Through the magic of editing, somehow it didn’t end up looking like the fiasco it was.

HA…HA…HA!  Something finally happened. Rick the weasel has been arrested for Silas’s murder. Huh. I hadn’t even considered him.

The event was fantastic and I learned quite a bit about the soap world, especially from Ilene Kristen, who pulled no punches in telling us what a nightmare it could be. There were about 20-25 “civilian” participants, with 3 of us being there on Fine Living’s dime. Throughout the day, they would pull us aside for mini-interviews, asking us various questions regarding our interest in soaps and how we were feeling about what was going on. I didn’t get a huge part in the scene (that seemed to be reserved for those who had done this before), but it was a funny one, and I managed to milk it for all it was worth. I must have done something right with the interviews too, because when I got a copy of the show later, it looked like I was the only one interviewed. It was an exhausting day – at one point, I swear I wanted to say “No more pictures! Please!” – but an experience I’ll never forget. And won’t have to, since I have the tapes. It also set me on the straight and narrow with my eating plan, since I saw the tapes.

Oooh, what “truth” is Franco going to reveal?

The Real Housewives of New York

Ha! They tried to fool me by sticking in another episode on a Thursday, but since I’ve been out-of-sync with the day of the week all week, I checked the guide early.

Backing up for just a moment. It’s no wonder Bethenny’s boob fell out of her dress when Sonja told her about spitting out her tooth. She was pulling and tugging at that dress all night. Please. You can afford to buy something that fits and is both stylish and comfortable.

While I too, wondered for a long time if Sonja’s collection would ever materialize, and I understand the skepticism of the ladies, Heather hasn’t exactly been the support system she claims to have been. All of the Wives always think we have short term memory loss and none of this is on film. What sticks out in my mind was how she asked Sonja if her clothing was going to be sold in K-Mart. Not that I think there’s anything wrong with K-Mart (well, there’s something wrong with my K-Mart, but it has nothing to do with the merchandise). It has a lot of fine brands like Martha Stewart, but in this instance, I thought it was a put-down. Heather, you know damn well that Sonja Morgan, of the Whatever Morgans she says she’s from, is not going to sell her clothing line in K-Mart and she’s going to find that remark insulting. You’ve been on this show for a couple of seasons now.

I wouldn’t go anywhere without Dorina. I like Dorinda. Even if she does get overly sensitive when she’s had too many martinis. That was a great episode when she took the trip to England with Carole. I like Carole a lot too.

WAKE UP, RAMONA! No, really, she fell asleep. Can’t say as I blame her. I’ve heard these reunions are a 12-hour day that starts very early. It must feel weird to wear a ball gown first thing in the morning.

Make a note: The 100th episode special is on September 17th.

The burning issue of the season, or at least Turks and Caicos: the naked man incident or what is girl code cool? I totally understand the point of not leaving strangers wander around a house full of your friends and their belongings. (Apparently, there was staff at the house though, which hadn’t occurred to me before.) No one wants to wake up as a headline. However, Heather totally overreacted. I’ve done it myself, once screaming at a neighbor/friend who left their key in my mailbox and failed to tell me. I get safety and security, but it wasn’t necessary to bounce LuAnn out of bed after the fact, especially since Ramona played innocent and sent her there. Really? You believe something that woman has to say? It did give the Countess the quote of the season, as well as a chance to show off her slammin’ body. I don’t get this girl code business either. A lot of rules must have been added since I was single. Back in my day (gather ‘round as I sit in my rocker), girl code basically meant that you didn’t date a friend’s ex or move in on the man she already had her eye on. Ah, for simpler times.

Travel advice from Princess Carole: Do not leave your luggage, or your men, unattended.

Oh man, they are still arguing about this. Aww, they’re hugging and making up now. Applause all around. Now everyone is hugging. Is the show over?

Nope. Andy is back, patting everyone on the back for acting like adults. Somewhat.

Heather has just redeemed herself by saying 50 isn’t old.

See ya next time, girls!

I’m looking forward to Ladies of London, if only to stop seeing the commercial. I love Fergie, but I’m tired of the earworm that is “London Bridge.”

Real Time TV

Not sure what I’ll talk about over the weekend – although I’m sure I’ll think of something – since there’s never anything on TV. Do they think everyone has a life? I just don’t understand why they can’t spread the wealth instead of saving it all for Sunday night. Remember when the most exciting thing on Sunday night was 60 Minutes? I haven’t worked in an office for over 20 years, but I still get a knot in my stomach when I hear that clock ticking, because, Monday morning.  Sunday night periodically becomes the cluster of shows I have to untangle, and figure out how to watch all of them. Then, the nerve, they have to stick in a season of Once Upon A Time occasionally to really make it complicated. As it’s on ABC, it has to be watched in real time because they only show it once. Or DVR’d, meaning it will fall into the black hole never to be seen again. I do sometimes use On Demand. It’s come in really handy when there’s a regular network show I want to see, like Zoo, which I’m embarrassed to say is trumped on Tuesday by whichever Wives are on.

So just remember – be cool.

Aug27

August 26, 2015 — GH, LA & Too Many Cooks Spoiling the Pasta

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

The Haves & the Have Nots

For some reason, I thought yesterday was Monday and forgot to watch it. Once again, those reruns came in handy.

I love me some Tyler Perry drama! I’ve always been a fan of him as a person, but sitcoms and Medea just aren’t my thing. When he created this show, I could tell by the previews it was up my alley. If you like the old nighttime dramas like Dallas and Dynasty, and you’re not watching this (and its counterpart, If Loving You is Wrong) you’re missing out. It’s basically about a rich guy named Jim Cryer (John Schneider, a long way from Dukes of Hazzard) who is running for governor, and trying to run away from his problems. The show hit the ground running, with married Jim being blackmailed by escort Candace, who is also the daughter of one of his maids, Hanna, and friends with his own daughter. Hilarity intense drama ensues.

My favorite character is Veronica, the wife of Jim’s business partner, David, who’s also involved in Jim’s campaign. And she ain’t like Archie’s Veronica. She’s probably about the most evil character in a soap ever. And Angela Robinson plays the hell out of the part. Veronica is under the misconceived impression that she can force her gay son to be straight, but since ruining his life isn’t enough, she ends up burning down the house with David in it. I told you this was a fun show!

This week, while Jim is being interviewed live on television, he’s hit with the bombshell that one of the other maids, Celine, has had two sons by him. DUN-DUN-DUUUN!!!

General Hospital

Oooh, first commercial is for Oreo Thins. I seriously want to try those.

Morgan needs to confess to something soon before he gives himself a heart attack. Besides, going to jail isn’t too bad in Port Charles. Pretty soon, the guards will be taking McDonald’s orders from the prisoners. And here comes Sonny – known mob boss – allowed to visit whoever he pleases, unattended. While I’ve never been in jail, I don’t think it works that way. I am so glad that it’s finally dawning on Nina that she only hears that baby crying when Rick the weasel or Madelyn are around. That’s been bugging me for a while. Where’s that cry coming from? Oh, your phone. Case closed.

I understand that it’s just a show, but they could try just a little bit to make it believable. I can’t wait for them to drag Rick and Madelyn off to the country club jail.

I’m not sure what Kiki (or Ava) see in that cranky Morgan anyway, especially since he got that haircut. That’s when I remember who Kiki is. Why they had to make her so blond after Kristen Alderson left is beyond me. Like that whole character switcheroo thing wasn’t difficult enough. I’d just finally stopped thinking Kiki was Starr. I did love her final scene with Roger Howarth though. She pretty much grew up with him as her second father, so it must have been heart-wrenching for both of them. It was sweet how the dialogue wasn’t just about Franco and Kiki, but about the real actors.

Nathan, I don’t think Dante is the best guy to be helping you solve anything. His decision making skills have been pretty poor lately.

Oh, that’s a good one Sonny. You always put your children first? When did that happen?

MasterChef

Let me confess now. I hate to cook, but I love watching cooking shows. It’s not that I’m a bad cook – ask anyone who’s had my lasagna – and it’s not that I can’t be creative in the kitchen – ditto – but I’m an impatient cook (when I want to eat, I want to eat now, not 2 hours from now) who’s always had a kitchen the size of a postage stamp. Other than a one semester home ec class in 8th grade, I’m fairly uneducated in this department as well. When Gordon Ramsey says, “You tell me,” I have no clue. As we always say, my husband didn’t marry me for my cooking in the kitchen. For some reason though, I like to watch other people cook. And of course there’s the food porn aspect.

I’m not sure what’s up with risotto, but it seems to be very telling as far as cooking goes. I can’t count the times I’ve heard Gordon go insane about it.

I stink with names, so I’m glad the contestants have theirs on their aprons. I wish Survivor would do the same. As a matter-of-fact, I wish everyone would go around wearing name tags. It would make life far less embarrassing for me.

If tuna tartar is involved, I’m in. I never said my palate was uneducated.

It’s a blue team (Derrick)/red team (Stephen) thing tonight. The red team wins, so Derrick, Katrina and Hetel have to face tonight’s pressure test – 3 pasta dishes in one hour. “Impossible,” says Nick. The dishes are manicotti, scallops and clams with pasta, and egg yolk ravioli, which I’ve never heard of, but sounds really good.

OMG – one of the clams just moved! I’ve cooked them several times, but thank God they’ve stayed still. I admit to being squeamish about certain food items. One time, I bought what I thought was a nice square of frozen fish. The instructions said to soak it in water before cooking. When I did, the tail that had been heretofore stuck hidden to the underside, unfurled. I had to throw it out.

Katrina is “sweating biscuits?” Did I hear that right? At least she lost the hair bow this week. Today she has some sparkly thing on her head.

Why is the guy on the Bud Lite commercial trying to channel Will Ferrell? Was Will not available?

I love how Graham Elliot holds the scallop up like it’s a diamond.  Ooh, Gordon just said Derrick’s garnish was like eating an air freshener. Not exactly a compliment. Katrina put ricotta in the ravioli and apparently this is a really bad thing. Hetel’s ravioli looks good to me, and ground pepper always gets my vote, but Gordon said it was “heresy.” No one is looking good here. Hetel’s out. She kind of flew under the radar anyway. Being a vegetarian, it was rough for her. I don’t know how you can cook something without tasting it at some point either. Although it’s to her credit that she’s gotten this far.

Geez, could they spare the vegetables in the spring onion rice noodle soup bowl I’m having for dinner?

Little Women LA

Brittney has a new boyfriend and Tonya’s talking about moving in with her boyfriend, John, and is also wearing some amazing earrings. Too bad John doesn’t exactly feel the same way. He’s obviously not the husband material you want, Tonya. Move on. Ha-ha! Terra is talking about how nice it would be if everyone got along. This is reality TV, so not bloody likely. Lots of goings on in the romance department tonight. Briana’s boyfriend, Matt, is moving in with her. This dude has been a bone of contention since he came on the scene – with both her family and her friends. My jury is out about him. I’m hearing the same stories they are, but so far he’s been on good behavior.

Ugh! What a shame that Christy allowed her mother to influence her decision about the IVF. I’m not saying she should or shouldn’t do it, but it’s obvious that mean old woman was huge factor here. The ending is happy though. Christy and Todd make the decision to go for artificial insemination while picking strawberries next to a field of sunflowers. Nice!

Beach party! Elena is so gorgeous, I can never take my eyes off of her when she’s on screen. She’s also insecure about her appearance, so what hope is there for the rest of us? The last time they had a bonfire on the beach, the outcome was not positive. Already there’s tension between Elena and Brittney, and Tonya and Jasmine, and Matt and everyone. Same sh*t, different day. Time to roast marshmallows.

“Short arms, short sticks, someone’s weave is definitely going up in flames tonight. I’m glad I’m no longer packing.” Terra cracks me up!

Brittney’s sparkly purple eye shadow is really distracting!

Ha! For a moment there, I thought we were ending on a good note. Brittney confessed to being an idiot and Elena was okay with it. But Jasmine brings up the “other elephant in the room,” Tonya. Wait, that didn’t sound right. She wants to know what the blip Tonya’s annoyed about (and so do I), but instead it ends up being a rehash of the last argument about the same vague thing. That didn’t even make sense to me and I wrote it.

Terra’s Little Family

Someone please explain why, instead of an hour long episode, Lifetime decided to show two back-to-back half hour episodes? Anybody? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I would laugh uncontrollably at Terra’s hair the morning after her bachelorette party, but I’m sure mine looks no better the morning after the night before.  Terra is going to check out the bridesmaids’ dresses for the first time, their only instructions having been to get beige dresses and cobalt blue shoes, which looks better than it sounds. Not an easy task to critique their choices with a hangover though. Elena says it will be like “50 shades of beige.”

Joe had to jet the day before for a gig (he’s a drummer) and missed the rehearsal, but swore he’d be back in time for the pre-wedding dinner. No surprise his plane is late. If this was Bravo, I’d say Andy Cohen probably threw his body in front of the plane.  Her mom still hasn’t gotten there either.

Whew! They both make it and the yacht sets sail for the dinner. Interesting note: Terra’s mom is one of those crazy cat ladies that you always hear about. She’s like an old hippie and really cool. Unlike Christy’s mom.

The earrings on this show are just fabulous!

Terra says Joe is like her missing puzzle piece. So much better than “you complete me” or “my soulmate.” These two are just precious!  We’re on shaky ground by the end of the episode, with Terra being a bit of a Bridezilla to Joe, but I have no doubt they’ll make up since they’re both at the wedding in the previews.