What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

On the phone, Carly leaves a message for Sonny, saying, Jordan called. She said Taggert has been put into police custody for his own protection. She wants him to call her. And come home soon.

Martin asks Florence how she’s feeling, and she asks if she wasn’t sleeping. He says, out like a light, and she wonders what day it is. He tells her it’s still her birthday. He brought her hummingbird cake, her favorite. He says everything’s all right, and kisses her forehead, adding, he’s there. Cyrus says he’s there too. Happy birthday, momma. He tells her to say something. Anything. Don’t pretend she doesn’t know him.

Finn answers the door, holding a stuffed pig. Chase comes in with Gregory, and asks if it’s past Finn’s bedtime. When did he start sleeping with a stuffed animal? Finn says he never stopped. The pig lost its tail, and he promised Violet that he’d stitch it back on. Gregory says, she’s lucky to have a doctor for a daddy, and asks if it’s too late to say goodnight. Finn says, she’s down for the count, and he’s headed that way too. Gregory says they should leave, but Chase says they’re not going to miss a family tradition. He walks into the living room, and Finn asks, what family tradition? Chase says, poker night, opening a case of chips and cards. Name your stakes.

Maxie looks at a sealed envelope when Peter comes in. He asks how her check-up went, and she says the baby is healthy and waiting to join the family. Hopefully not when she’s walking down the aisle. She asks if he’d want to know the gender of the baby before it was born, and he reminds her they decided to keep it a secret, but… She says he’s having second thoughts, and he says he is. She says, her too. He wonders if they should call for an appointment, and she says, funny he should mention that. She shows him the envelope.

Valentin joins Anna at the MetroCourt, and thanks her for meeting him. He says he was wondering if she’d met with Dante, and if he’s safe to leave with Charlotte. He asks if she has any further insight into Dante’s state of mind, and she says she does, but she doesn’t think he’s going to like what she has to say.

Carly decorates the Christmas tree, when the doorbell rings. She says, Sonny? but it’s Dante dropping off gifts. He asks if something is the matter.

Jason calls to Sonny, but there’s no answer. He jumps down from the bridge.

Chase shuffles the cards, and says he’s glad Finn is putting the table to good use. Finn says, it’s bad enough Gregory taught him to play; he had to teach Chase too. Gregory says he taught Chase how to fleece his buddies at poker, but Finn had a gift. Chase says Finn held his own against the old guys, and never a dropped hand, until… He hesitates, and Gregory says, until he went on to bigger and better things. Once Finn became an infectious disease specialist, he didn’t have a lot of time for fun and games. Chase says, or family celebrations, and Gregory says, Finn would have been at the wedding if he could have. Finn says he knows that’s the story Gregory told Violet when she asked, but that’s not the real reason he didn’t come.

Peter asks Maxie if the envelope contains what he thinks it does, and she says, with all the planning for the double wedding, they can eliminate one question mark. He says he could narrow down his name list, and she says she had Dr. Navarro put the information in a sealed envelope. She’s been carrying it with her all this time, tempted to steam it open. If he doesn’t want to know, he should  take it from her now. He tells her, who says he wouldn’t rip it open?   

Alarmed, Florence asks where she is; what is this place? Martin says, she likes it there, remember? The staff is taking care of her. Cyrus says he’s paid for the best. Nothing is too good for her. Florence asks who Laura is, and if she works there, and Cyrus says she’s their daddy’s daughter, and their half-sister. Florence says, no, they’re mistaken, and cries out, where is my Gordon? Martin says, daddy is gone; he has been for years, and Florence says their father is dead because Cyrus killed him; her Gordon.

Anna tells Valentin, she had coffee with Dante, and they talked about Lulu’s condition. Obviously, he’s grieving, but he kept deflecting her sympathy. He’s filled with remorse for leaving. The Dante she knew had irrepressible charm; there was nothing the world could throw at him that was too much to handle. Valentin says, and now? and she says, when she reached out, the walls came up immediately. He didn’t want to share anything personal, and said he wanted to focus on protecting his family. Valentin says, one would assume that’s why Dante checked in; to keep his family from harm. She says, it seemed to work, and he says, until Dante tried to kill Peter.

Carly tells Dante, with everything going on, he didn’t have to bring gifts, but she thanks him for it. The girls will be thrilled. Dante hopes so. He asks Carly, what’s wrong? and she says, Sonny is out of town on business, and she hasn’t been able to reach him. Dante says, obviously, she’s tried Jason, and she says, he’s with Sonny. She knows he’ll call when he has a second, but she wants him to come home; be done with business so they can focus on the holiday. Dante has the feeling Sonny will be back soon, and asks her to let Sonny know he stopped by. She says he can stay, and fill her in on him and Rocco, and how they’re doing with everything. He says, they’re managing. Rocco is moving back to the house. She asks if Olivia knows, and he says she does. She’s been great helping plan it. Rocco will still stay at the Quartermaine’s a few nights a week, but the goal is for him to be comfortable to come back home and get back to knowing his father again. Carly says, for what it’s worth (🍷), she thinks he’s doing the right thing. He thanks her, and says the reason he was there to see Sonny was because of the house. They wouldn’t have gotten it in the first place if not for Sonny. She knows about that, right?   

Jason walks down the shoreline, huffing and puffing, and calling for Sonny. A helicopter flies above, shining a light down, and he ducks behind some shore grass.

Carly asks what makes Dante think Sonny had anything to do with buying their house? He says he has proof in the numbers; they don’t add up. They paid too little. She says, maybe the owners had to sell quickly, and their offer was first, but Dante says that’s not it. He and Lulu fell for the house faster than they fell for each other. There was another offer, and the owners took it. He and Lulu were crushed, but then the offer disappeared, and the owner came back to them and agreed to theirs. Someone paid the difference between their offer and the final sale. And by somebody, he means Sonny.

Anna tells Valentin, Dante never mentioned Peter. He was having a PTSD episode, and Peter walked into the line of fire. It was over a year ago, and Dante has improved a lot since then. He asks if she’s trying to convince him or herself, and she says, it was so extremely uncomfortable when she touched his hand, and said she was willing to listen if he felt like talking. The treatment he received had be successful. Why else would they have let him return? Valentin says he doesn’t know. Dante had a clean bill of health, or he asked nicely. Neither one of them is naïve about the WSB’s motives. She says she wants to believe they acted in Dante’s best interest, and he says, wanting something and it actually happening are two very different things. His primary concern is his daughter’s well-being, and he doesn’t have a lot of confidence in Dante’s emotional state. Anna says, Dante wouldn’t communicate at all for over a year, and even when Robert brought Olivia there, he wouldn’t open the door to his own mother. Now, he suddenly comes back and claims he’s better. None of it makes sense to her. Valentin says, tell him the truth. Is his daughter safe around Dante?

😠 I’ll have you know, there was an interruption so we could see Joe Biden get a vaccine shot. Then listen to several people talk about him getting the shot. Really? <sigh> By using the magic of the internet though, I was able to fill in what was so rudely interrupted.

Gregory says he knows he didn’t give it enough time after the death of Finn’s mother before he got married again, and admits he did a lousy job preparing Finn for it. Finn says, it was a big change in his life, but he was wrong to act out the way he did. Gregory says, it was a complicated time. It still is. It’s hard for him to believe, even though he and Jackie love each other, sometimes even a loving marriage isn’t built to last. If he did anything right, it was having sons like them. Chase says he was a great dad. He and Finn owe him so much. Gregory says he owes the both of them. He’s proud of them. He’s proud of Chase for being such a fine young man, and Finn for giving him a second chance, and letting him into his family. Finn asks if they’re going to play cards or talk about it.

Cyrus tells Florence, what happened to his father was an accident, and Florence says, he was so angry that day. Wild and headstrong. He stormed out of the house and jumped into the car. His poor father was just trying to stop him. Martin tells Cyrus, get out. You’re upsetting her. Cyrus says she turned her back on him, but he never turned his back on her. When Marty called him and said she needed help, he was right there for her. He’s given her everything she needs. He starts to get choked up, and she asks if he expects her to thank him. He says he doesn’t expect anything,. His hope is that she’ll talk to him like she’s his mother and not like a stranger. She says, he is a stranger. She doesn’t know him anymore. Maybe she never did. Laura goes to Cyrus, and says, come with her. She takes him into the hallway, and tells him not to ask his mother for something she can’t give.

Cops comb the shoreline. The cop from The Village People tells someone on the radio that he’s on the south side of the river. There’s a body. He’ll wait until they get there.

Chase says, read ‘em and weep. Finn asks if that’s what Gregory taught Chase, to cheat, and Gregory says he did not. They both play an honest game. Although in retrospect, he was harder on Finn than on his brother. He asks if Chase remembers the Little League game he lost, and Chase says Gregory took him out for ice cream. He told Chase that he’d done his best and that’s all that mattered. Finn says he doesn’t remember any ice cream, win or lose, and Gregory says he pushed Finn too hard. He didn’t want to make the same mistakes with Chase. Finn says Gregory has nothing to feel guilty about. Whatever he did or didn’t do, it was never Gregory’s fault.

Cyrus tells Laura, whatever his mother believes, his father’s death was an accident. Laura says she can believe it. He was a teenage boy, volatile and emotional. The last thing he should have done was get behind the heel of a car. That doesn’t excuse it, but it does explain it. The trouble she has, is the man that boy grew into. He has trouble with being honest about anything. He has a hidden agenda all the time. He says, not this time, and she laughs, saying, he’s got to be kidding. He had Jordan pull a file, and revisited a case she was involved in when she was a teenager. Then he left a trail of clues from Oregon to Mexico to Vermont, all so he could lure her in and introduce her to his mother. He could have just told her they were related. He laughs, and asks if she would have believed him. She doesn’t say anything, and he says he’ll take that as a no. She had to come there on her own, for her own reasons. She says, what about his reasons? Why does he keep caring for his mother when she continues to reject him? He says, all families have secrets, and he they need to know one another better before he shares one of his. She says she’d prefer he keep his secrets, and leave Port Charles, and he says she can deny it all she wants, but she must be noticing how alike they are.

Maxie tells Peter, this is silly. Why wait to find out if it’s a boy or a girl? Peter says, as always, she’s absolutely right. The envelope, please. She hands it to him, and he opens it.

Anna tells Valentin, she wants to trust Dante, but she doesn’t trust the process that sent him home. He wonders why the Bureau would send Dante home if he wasn’t ready, and she says, either Dante made a remarkable recovery, or… He says, or the Bureau needed something from him.

Dante tells Carly, he used to be a cop. He knows how to get answers from people. She says, okay. Sonny made up the price of the house. He thanks her, and says he knew it. They knew back then that Sonny was their financial angel. In the spirit of Christmas, he finally wanted to thank Sonny, but she says, Sonny would never admit to being an angel. Dante says, it would ruin his street cred; what would his rivals think? He has a heart of gold. She says, it’s no secret that Sonny is generous. He founded a whole AIDS wing at the hospital in Stone’s honor. Dante says, there are a lot of smaller things Sonny doesn’t get credit for, and she says, that’s true. He reads to Avery and Donna every night, and for the past three weeks, he’s been reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas. His Grinch voice is terrible. She just wants him home for Christmas. Dante says, he will be.

The cops bring out a body bag. Jason watches from behind the trees. The Village People cop says he’s checking now; he’ll be right back. He opens a body bag, and it’s Julian. He says he doesn’t think this guy drowned.

Laura says she’s nothing like Cyrus, and he asks if she really thinks it was a coincidence that they ran into each other at the firing range, taking aim at enemies imagined or real. She says she only takes aim at imaginary enemies (which is just plain not true), and he says, David Hamilton being the exception. She says, it was an accident, and he says, like it was their father’s death. She says, they both made terrible mistakes when they were young. The difference is how they’ve lived their lives since then. She’s tried to make the world a better place in any tiny way she can. He made killing a way of life. He says she has no proof. He was framed for the crimes he was imprisoned for. She says, deniability is not innocence. At some point he made a deliberate decision to abandon his conscience. He only pretends to feel compassion and empathy, but for a brief moment in Florence’s room, she saw who he used to be; a boy who craved his mother’s love. If he wasn’t such a dangerous man, she’d almost feel sorry for him. Almost.  

Gregory says, if Finn wasn’t upset because he married Jackie so soon after Finn’s mom died, what’s been eating at him all this time? Chase says, all the times Finn told him to be honest in his relationships, maybe it’s time he took his own advice. And while he ponders those wise words, Chase is going to get more root beer. He goes to the kitchen, and Gregory says, well? Finn hesitates, and Gregory says Finn never did like to show his cards. Finn says he’s not holding a winning hand, but Gregory says he doesn’t have to bluff. He knows why Finn was so opposed to the marriage. Jackie told him all about it.

Anna asks if Valentin thinks the Bureau sent Dante home deliberately before he was ready, but Valentin says, no. He thinks the Bureau believed Dante was ready. She says, ready for what exactly? Maxie and Peter come in, and Maxie says they’re going to be the first to know aside from her and Peter. Anna says, Maxie has decided against a double wedding? but Maxie says, no way. It’s going to be fantastic. They have a bonus reason to celebrate. She asks Peter if he wants to tell Anna, or should she, and he says, let her read for herself. Maxie hands Anna the envelope, and Valentin asks, what is it? Anna looks at the paper, and laughs. She says, Peter and Maxie are having a baby girl.

Carly says, since Dante has been back, she’s noticed how much he’s like Sonny in many ways. He loves his family very much, and would do anything to protect them. Speaking of family, he hasn’t met his little sister yet. Dante apologizes for not being there when Donna was born, or coming to meet her since he’s been home, but Carly says he’s had a lot of things on his mind. Does he want meet her now? He says he does, and they go upstairs.

Jason watches, and the Village People cop looks at Julian’s license. He says, it’s Julian Jerome, from Port Charles New York. He talks into his radio, saying, he’s got an ID on the victim, and gives them the information. He says Julian is probably one of the individuals who fled when the bullets started flying. They’re gong to find the second individual, and need a team to be sent to the bridge. The cops move on down the shoreline, continuing to look.    

Finn says, Jackie told Gregory what exactly? and Gregory says, they didn’t always have different schedules. They used to be close and confided in each other early in their marriage. After the wedding, he was angry that Finn didn’t come, and Jackie confessed it was as much her fault as Finn’s. Finn asks why she would say that, and Gregory says, she admitted she was career driven and self-absorbed, and never stopped to think how the marriage might impact Finn. He might have been hurt that they didn’t wait the appropriate amount of time to get married. Finn tells Gregory that he can’t believe Jackie said that, and Gregory says, despite what Finn thinks, his step-mother was always fond of him. Even if they go their separate ways, she’ll still be family, and he hopes Finn accepts that. If not for his sake, for his brother’s.

Anna says, Violet is going to be over the moon, and Valentin says he thinks James and Georgie will be thrilled to have a baby sister. Peter says he didn’t want to jinx things, but he was hoping for a girl. Anna can’t wait to tell Violet, and Valentin thanks her again for meeting him. She says she’ll keep what he said in mind. Maxie says they haven’t even talked about the wedding flowers yet. How does Anna feel about peonies? She drags Anna away, and Peter sits with Valentin. Valentin says, speaking as a girl dad himself, Peter is a lucky man. Excuse him for noticing, but Peter’s excitement at having a daughter seems a lot like relief.

Dante and Carly come back downstairs, and Dante says he’s officially a goner. She says he’d still be up there if she hadn’t dragged him out, and he says he’s kicking himself for not visiting sooner. She says when they found out Donna had spina bifida, it was terrifying, but she’s healthy, and she’s been a gift to the family from the moment she was born. You never stop worrying about them. Dante says, never. She thanks him for stopping by. Him coming back was the only Christmas present Sonny needed. He says he had a lot reasons to come back. He leaves, and Carly ponders.   

Cyrus says he doesn’t need anyone’s pity; least of all Laura’s. She says, because he’s the great and powerful Cyrus Renault? She knows who he is, and she knows what he’s done. Her daughter, his niece, is lying in a long-term care facility because of things he set in motion. He tells her, don’t push him. His patience only goes so far, and she doesn’t want him as an enemy. Martin comes out, and tells him, back off. Don’t talk to their sister that way. Cyrus says he was only pointing out she has no right to judge him. Martin says, the way he and momma have? They’ve got their reasons, and Laura has hers. Laura asks if Cyrus thinks caring for his mother’s every need, bringing her there, and paying her bills could buy her love, and he says he bought the city she loves so much. She says, not all of it and not yet, and he says, one piece at a time, sister dear.

Finn tells Chase, he doesn’t have to go home, but he can’t stay there. Anna comes back, and asks if they’re leaving already. Chase says he’s on the night shift and has to get back to work, and Gregory says his sons cleaned his clock at poker, so he’s packing his tent and going. He tells Finn, goodnight, and when they’re gone, Anna asks Finn if everything is okay. He says, this thing he has hanging over him that she said would eventually come out. He has to give an honest answer sooner or later; he can’t keep it inside. He wants her to know the real reason he’s been estranged from his family all these years.  

Peter tells Valentin, his daughter is going to be beautiful like Maxie, and with Maxie’s warm, loving heart, maybe she’ll take after her mother. Valentin flashes back to Anna finding out that she’s not Peter’s mother; Alex is. Peter says Valentin is going to tell him that it’s magical thinking, but Valentin says he’s not saying that. Peter says his silence speaks volumes. Valentin says, if it was a boy, Peter would wonder when and if he was taking after Faison, but he won’t look at his daughter that way? Peter says he sees a beautiful girl filled with light.

Maxie comes out of the bathroom, and sees Dante at the Toys For Tots bin, and they make a plug for that. He says he’s glad he didn’t miss the tradition, and she asks him to hang out and celebrate. She and Peter are having a girl. He tells her, congratulations. He knows Lulu would be happy. She says, come on, and she goes back to the table, but he hangs behind.

Cyrus approaches his mother’s bed, and says, Martin isn’t the only one who remembered her birthday. He can buy her so much more than flowers. He can fly her anywhere in the world. He can load her down with jewelry, and buy her the Cartier watch like Mrs. Phillips wore that she always admired. He could buy her anything to make her smile at him, but she’s not going to do that. He laughs, and says she can’t see him as anything but a bad seed, a delinquent who ran down her husband, but she’s mistaken. When she threw him out, he made something of himself. He opens his wallet, and says there are the hundred dollar bills he carries like singles. This is the black card he carries; it has no limit and is accepted everywhere. He takes out his ID, and says they gave him this after he became Chairman of the Board at General Hospital. He puts it on the bed, and says he’s a man of importance; respected, admired, even feared. He comes as close to crying as we’ll probably ever see, and says, one day, she’ll see him as the world sees him, and everything he’s done will have been worth it. Everything.  

In the hallway, Martin says he’s going to do Laura a favor, and get her out before the staff finds her loitering. And they will get suspicious. She says, he’s right. She came there to find something to use against Cyrus, and she’s leaving with more questions than answers.  

Julian is zipped up, and the cops pick up the bag. The Village People cop continues to look, and the helicopter shines spotlights all around.

Carly hears the door open, and says, Sonny? Jason comes in, and she asks, what happened? Where’s Sonny?

Tomorrow, Robert wants to fill someone in, Tracy says no way in hell, Franco asks if it’s a coincidence, and Jason tells Carly, the only way this will work is if they take it one step at a time.

Below Deck

Jolly Harbour, Antigua. Izzy wonders if they have a chef, and James wonders if they have a deckhand as well. Eddie asks if anyone knows who the chef is, or if they’ve gotten a new deckhand yet. In Captain Lee’s interview, he says, it’s high season, and any chef worth a damn is already working. They have demanding guests coming, and need someone who’s capable of everything on the preference sheets. They’re screwed. He can’t get through on the phone for a second time, and throws the phone down. Ashling is ironing, and the ironing board falls flat. I literally LOL. In her interview, Francesca says it’s the pickiest charter in the world, and they have no chef. She can’t believe this is happening. Izzy asks Eddie if they have a deckhand, but he’s more concerned about having a chef.   

3 hours before charter. The captain says he’d be surprised if everybody didn’t walk off. New deckhand Rob shows up, and in his interview, he says he’s mostly worked on sailing boats. Francesca tells him, they have a charter at 12, and also need a chef. Izzy introduces herself, and Eddie asks her to show Rob his new quarters. She tells Rob that he’ll be sharing with his boss. Rob meets Ashling on the way to his cabin, where he deposits his stuff before Eddie introduces him to Captain Lee. In Eddie’s interview, he says he’s happy Rob is on the team. He has experience, which will be a change of pace. Anything is better than Shane. We flash back to confirmation that he’s right. In Captain Lee’s interview, he says they’ve got two and a half hours to pick-up, and he’s sitting there choking his chicken. Rachel mysteriously appears, and introduces herself to Rob. In her interview, she says, last night, her head was all over the place; not knowing the severity of the virus and missing her boyfriend. Now she has to crawl back to the captain who doesn’t give two sh*ts about ego. She tells Captain Lee that she was totally unprofessional, and she’s very sorry. She respects him, and likes working under him. If possible, she’d like to do the charter, and do it successfully. In the captain’s interview, he says, normally, he’d tell someone who leaves, that they don’t get to come back. He’s pissed, but, like it or not, chefs are prone to do sh*t like that. We flash back to Leon (ugh) who ended up fired, and Ben punching things and slamming doors. The captain tells Rachel, he’s on board with that, and in his interview, he says, part of him wanted to say, f*** it, cancel the charter, and leave them swinging in the wind, but guests expect to be fed, and it’s the only plan he’s got. In Francesca’s interview, she says, part of her is stoked. Rachel is a great chef, which makes her job easier, but Rachel disrespected her, and isn’t someone she can trust. Her trust went out the window. We flash back to Rachel telling Elizabeth to talk to the captain about her issue with Francesca. Francesca says, moving forward, she’s going to be strictly professional with Rachel and Elizabeth.

In Rob’s interview, he says he’s an exploration geologist, which is being like a nerdy Indiana Jones. He looks for gold, but if there’s a market crash, he loses his job. He likes the fallback of yachting. His father and grandfather were in the Navy, and he comes from a long line of pirates and hookers. It’s what he’s meant to be. It’s unclear whether he means a pirate or a hooker. Eddie quickly explains that their chef had a mental breakdown, and asks for help getting her luggage back on board. In his interview, Eddie says he doesn’t think Rachel deserves her job back, but they need her – for now. He’s going to act like nothing happened, but something did, and he’s not going to forget. Rachel take notes from the preference sheets, and Captain Lee tells her, for sh*ts and giggles, he looked up how to make marshmallows. (It’s actually pretty easy.) In his interview, he says they’re not prepared for the charter at this point, but it’s completely Rachels’ fault. Izzy tells James that it’s a story they can tell their grandkids, about the charter where they all got f***ed. Francesca reads the preference sheets to the stews, and in Ashling’s interview, she says, holy sh*t. They’re going to die. Ashling gets to work, and Francesca tells Elizabeth, the pantry wasn’t clean, and the beach clean-up is still a mess. She needs to step it up. Elizabeth apologizes for lacking in some areas, and says she plans on 100% improving. In her interview, Elizabeth says she’s going to be tested on every little thing, and she’s going to be watched. We flash back to Captain Lee telling her that how she performs on the next charter will mean her future. She says she’s up for the challenge. She’s not going anywhere.

Provisions come on board, the captain says, arrival in twenty, and I say, oh God, out loud. Rob says, it’s like the first day of school; he’s excited. James says he’s good at his job, meaning himself, and the crew gets into their whites. Champagne is poured, and here they come. In Izzy’s interview, she says, the guests are so high maintenance and crazy, they’re going to get whipped. Let the games begin.

Primary Bryan yaps about his pedicure as he takes his shoes off, and the crew agrees he looks like Elton John. In Izzy’s interview, she says, they’re so effing cute. Like gay teddy bears. Okay. I’m glad she said it, because this group is over-the-top. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but there’s no politically/socially correct way to say it. Eddie tells the deckhands to get into their blues, and the captain moves the boat out. The guests toast to everybody there. Looking out at the other boats, Bryan says he loves how bigger they are than everyone else [sic]. Elizabeth tells Ashling that she loves her job, and doesn’t want to lose it, and James pulls in the fenders. Elizabeth tells Rachel that she’s nerve-wracked, but Rachel says she really has to concentrate on what she’s doing. In Rachel’s interview, she says, she loves Elizabeth, but has to set that aside. She’s in the middle, and doesn’t want it to affect her department. She wants to just focus on her job, and do some serious captain’s ass kissing right now. They’ll get there.   

Bryan says he loves the service, and he’s blown away. I’m not so sure demanding is necessarily a negative in their case. They might want a lot, but so far, they seem fun. In Francesca’s interview, she says, Elizabeth thinks she’s a diner waitress. She’s holding the wine bottle by the neck. We see Elizabeth pouring it that way. I’ve never poured it that way, and don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else pour it that way. Francesca says she’ll take what she can get right now. Rob tells Eddie about people being masked in some places now because of the virus. Eddie does an impression of Trump saying, there’s nothing to worry about. Everything is great. They put unicorn floaties in the water. The captain tells Rachel that her successful lunch was a start. In his interview, he says, the only way Rachel knows how to mea culpa is with her culinary skills. Once you lose trust, it’s hard to get back. She’d better do her utmost to nock it out of the park (I see we’re back to that metaphor again). He says he’s going to keep close tabs on her.

Jet skis are put in the water, and the guests name one of the unicorn floaties Deborah. Rachel dictates the menu to Francesca, who puts it on her laptop. A Mardi Gras tablescape is created in black, purple, and gold, and it looks really good. Elizabeth tells James that she just came out of a relationship recently, and in her interview, she says relationships have jaded her, and she gets possessive. There’s a special place in hell for girls who try to interfere with your man. She says she’s a hopeless romantic, and she won’t lie; she’s attracted to James. Bryan drapes himself in beads and fake gold chains, and says they’re doing it Mardi Gras style. They all wear cool, festive hats, including a few of those tiny hats on a headband that I love. I’ve loved a tiny hat every since those guys wore them on In Living Color. Bryan says, the tablescape is amazing, and in Rachel’s interview, she says she’s been to Mardi Gras, and she’s not a fan, but tonight she has to prove to Captain Lee that he didn’t make a bad decision. I’m highly amused by the guests, and might even go so far as to say they’re effing funny. In Rob’s interview, he says, the key difference between sailing and a superyacht is that one is gritty with a sense of adventure, and the other is cushy with beautiful people. It’s a motivation to shower every day. Bryan calls the tiny hat a fascinator, but I’m not so sure that’s the same thing. He says, Rachel is an absolute genius, and in Izzy’s interview, she says, Rachel can effing cook. It sounds like Rachel is racking up points. The captain asks Eddie how Rob is doing, and Eddie says, good. Rob has never worked on big yachts, but has intuition. Francesca brings up the cake, Bryan says, Rachel did an amazing job, and Francesca passes along to Rachel that the guests love it. Ashling asks Elizabeth if today was better, and Elizabeth says that she was taken aback by how Francesca’s been speaking to her. Francesca walks in, and says, awkward. Elizabeth says Ashling was just asking how she was doing. Elizabeth tells Izzy that Francesca thinks she’s talking smack about her, and Izzy says there’s not much she can do about it if Francesca assumes every conversation is about her. I see what Elizabeth’s problem is. She’s talking too much about this to too many people. In Francesca’s interview, she says she doesn’t feel like she’s making friends, but she can’t trust anyone. She knows they’re talking about her. Well, you’re not paranoid if everyone really does hate you.

Elizabeth tells Francesca that it was like cleaning up a war zone the night before, and in her interview, Elizabeth says, things with Francesca aren’t good, but all she can do is work and hope it’s noticed. James kicks one of the unicorn floaties, and says, f*** you, Deborah. Rachel asks if the captain wants French toast, and he says, absolutely. Finding out Elizabeth went to bed late, Francesca suggests she work quicker. In Elizabeth’s interview, she says now she’s in trouble because she went to bed too late. Francesca tells her the primary wants the sheets changed in the master. In her interview, Elizabeth says, there’s nothing she can say against Francesca, and she just has to take it, but it’s hard. The guests get excited about the slide coming down the side of the boat. In Rachel’s interview, she says, the guests are digging the food, but there’s another person she needs to win over, and delivers the toast. In Eddie’s interview, he says he never wants to put the slide up. It’s a pain in his ass, and he hates it. The captain says, this might be the best French toast he’s ever had. The way to a captain’s heart is apparently through his stomach. He looks out, and says, the slide isn’t right. Eddie tells Izzy, part of it is backwards, and yells to James, just inflate the goddam thing. James says he senses tension. The captain radios Eddie, and asks how the slide is going. Eddie says he’s had better days, and Captain Lee says, everything is wrong. It’s the epitome of a sh*t sandwich. He goes out, and tells Eddie what he should do. Bryan and the guests watch from above. Eddie tries climbing down to fix the slide, which is twisted in the middle, and nearly falls into the water. The captain says, this is how to f*** things up, and climbs over the railing. He says he needs to get the line, and Eddie tells him to let someone else do that. 

The captain says he’s got this, and in his interview, he says, ribs are something that doesn’t heal quickly. He tells Eddie to get him a boat hook. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. In Izzy’s interview, she says, the captain was hard-handing it over the railing. It’s a little crazy, but also badass. Captain Lee single-handedly pulls the slide up part way, and tells James to inflate the bottom. When this is finally done, the guests use the water toys. Eddie says, bleepity-bleep-bleep-bleep, and Rob says he has Britney Spears in his head. In James’s interview, he says he likes Rob. He doesn’t take his job too seriously. He thinks it will be fun. Francesca and Elizabeth discuss the beach picnic, and in Rob’s interview, he says, Francesca is giving off hot vibes. She puts newspaper on the table, and asks if he’s ever done a low country boil. He says, never, and she says her neither. In his interview, Rob says, when it comes to flirting, he’s hopeless. Fracnesca says she thinks it’s like a messy seafood feast, and in her interview, she says, a low country boil; she loves this stuff. Rachel makes Maine lobster, clams, and sausage, and Elizabeth says she’s never seen lobster look so picturesque. Eddie tells the deckhands they have to get ready to go to the beach at 4:30.

Elizabeth calls her dad, and tells him that the chief stew wanted her to step it up, so she’s stepping up. In her interview, Elizabeth says her father is a lawyer, and busts his ass at his job. He scares people because he looks like Tony Soprano, but he makes her laugh. We see his picture, and I think he looks more like Jesse Ventura. Rachel makes marshmallows, and offers one to the captain. He says it tastes like pure sugar, but I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. Eddie takes the crew over to the beach, where they set up. Elizabeth and Izzy gather firewood. The guests arrive and toast marshmallows. Elizabeth realizes there’s only one bottle of champagne, and in Izzy’s interview, she admits Francesca isn’t the best boss, but Elizabeth isn’t the sharpest took in the shed either. She radios for three bottles, and on the boat, Francesca is like, WTF? In the meantime, Elizabeth tries to push water, but you can guess how much they want that. Eddie beings the champagne, and she says he’s the best. Bryan says, it’s always a party when champagne is a-poppin’.

Ashling tells Francesca that all the sheets have been changed, and Francesca says it was only the master that was requested. In Ashling’s interview, she says, Elizabeth doesn’t listen. It goes in one ear, and out the other; it’s frustrating. Francesca and Ashling look at the sunset, and Francesca wishes they could get in the water. She radios the captain, and asks if it would be okay, and he says, absolutely. Everyone is off the boat; enjoy themselves. Francesca goes down the slide, and James hopes he can see through her uniform. Ashling follows her, and on the beach, Izzy talks to James on the radio, and tells Elizabeth about the others going swimming. In Elizabeth’s interview, she says she feels like Francesca thinks Ashling is the perfect angel, and she’s the demon. Rachel brings the captain a dinner of lobster, clams, and corn on the cob, his favorite. He asks Francesca how it’s going, and she says, apart from forgetting the champagne… Eddie tells Elizabeth that the captain said he hopes she makes it to the end of the season; he likes her. Francesca tells Captain Lee that for every step Elizabeth takes forward, she takes two steps back. She didn’t finish taking down the decorations from the night before, and forgot to bring the champagne to the beach. Elizabeth asks Eddie, what if Francesca keeps giving her a hard time? The captain tells Francesca that he could replace Elizabeth, but it’s late in the season. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. Yep.

Next time, a Parisian party, Rachel has to make sixty plates of food to make with no room for error, a bus trip to see a donkey, James and Elizabeth get some alone time, and Francesca says Elizabeth’s priorities are in the wrong place.  

🔔 Tonight, Watch What Happens Live transformed into The 12 Doorbells of Christmas. This year, the virtual doorbell was rung by Leah (RHONY), a very pregnant Lala (Vanderpump Rules), Shannon (RHOC), Reza and MJ (Shahs of Sunset), Karen (RHOP), Tabitha Coffey (Tabitha Takes Over), Pirate Tomas (RHONY back in the day), Marge and Marge Sr. (RHONJ), Heather (RHOSLC), and Alex (Below Deck). Lala is loving being pregnant, and told us James is still sober. Reza and MJ are still working on their friendship, and have high hopes for the future, for which I’m irrationally happy, considering I don’t really know them. Marge looks totally different, and quite the bombshell. She claimed her first facelift didn’t take well, so she had it tweaked. Frankly, I think she got a whole new face. Marge Sr. was the real shocker. Maybe the halo light helped, but she looked luminous, and absolutely ravishing. You go, Marge Sr.! Andy is taking one of his many breaks, and WWHL will be back January 3^rd. He’ll also be doing New Year’s Eve with Anderson Cooper from Times Square on CNN.

Check out some Doorbells from years past…

https://www.bravotv.com/watch-what-happens-live-with-andy-cohen/photos/andys-12-doorbells-of-christmas#10909085

🎄 Ready Or Not…

At this point, Christmas will be what it’ll be. I concede. Whether you’ve thrown in the holiday towel or not, stay safe, stay not pressuring yourself, and stay keeping it professional and not pissing off the captain.