What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Crete, Greece. Anna and Valentin walk into a bar (not the start of a joke), and Anna says, that was totally unsatisfying. He says, just what every man wants to hear, and she laughs, saying, she meant retracing Chloe’s steps. They sit at a table, and Anna says she was hoping to find something more other than the site of the accident. He says they did find something more; they found a road to this quaint little town. He asks if they shouldn’t take a night off from sleuthing. Just one, and have themselves a little drinkie. She says she’s in, and he goes to the bar.

Drew is drowsing in his cell, when Russ comes in, and says he’s got company. Drew says Russ brought him a roommate; how thoughtful. Russ says, enjoy, and tosses Obrecht into the room, slamming the door behind her. She says, my God. Drew Cain? He’s alive? He says, Dr. Obrecht, right? She says he vanished; it’s been years. He says he’s guessing she’s not the reason he’s in there, which begs the question, who managed to capture her?

Michael and Willow sit with Wiley while he colors. Michael says his boy is the next Picasso, and she says, that’s his boy all right. He asks if she’s suggesting he’s not artistic, and she says she’s not saying he’s not not artistic. He says he’s wounded, but she says he’ll get over it. Yuri comes in, and tells them that Brook took Bailey upstairs for naptime, but he has a treat from Charlie’s for Wiley. He holds out a bag, and Willow says, how sweet. She thinks they’ll save it for dessert. Yuri lingers, and Michael asks if there’s something else. Yuri says, Wiley has a visitor, and Nina comes in.

Josslyn leads Maxie into the former home of the moss bowl🎍, and Carly asks, what’s up? Josslyn says, Maxie has something she wants to tell Carly, and Carly says, sounds serious. Josslyn says, it is, and Maxie says, she’s of two minds. A big part of her thinks, it’s not her business, just stay out of it (which gets my vote), but another part of her, also big, says she has information Carly has a right to because she’s Sonny’s wife. And if she were Carly, she’d want to know.

Jason tells Sonny, it was his idea to have the funeral. Carly wasn’t ready, nobody was ready, but he said they should do it. Sonny says he did right. Jason had to send a message that Sonny was gone, and he was in charge of the business. Jason says he hated every minute of it. He felt like he couldn’t actually grieve. Sonny says, the good news is, Jason doesn’t have to grieve anymore.

Valentin says, life is so strange, isn’t it? and Anna says, in what way? He says, it’s cyclical. It teaches us the most interesting lessons in the most unexpected ways. She says he’s in a mood, and he says he’s in an unburdening mood; is that a turn-off? She says, no. She likes it. Keep going. How is life unexpected and interesting? He says, being back in Greece for one. It helped him to see how after, in his mind, she rejected him because of the way he looked. She says, it had nothing to do with the way he looked, and he says, he told her, in his mind. He became obsessed with recreating himself, and getting his hands on the Cassadine inheritance. She says, and taking his place as that Cassadine, and he says, and all the evil crap. It was to pay for his expenses, his final surgeries, and also to fund his quest for the Cassadine fortune. It was also about circling back to her. He wanted to stand tall in front of her, and say, look at me, Anna Devane, I’m strong. And I’m rich. I’m a Cassadine. He doesn’t think he ever appreciated how much of a burden he was to himself.

Obrecht says, of course (🍷) she’s not the reason Drew is there. Does he think if she wanted to hold someone captive, she couldn’t come up with a better facility than this? He says he sees she’s not into the accommodations, but they grow on you. She says, that’s quite the professional beating he received, and digs in her bag, bringing out a syringe. He asks, what’s that? and she says, antibiotics. She’s been told to treat him for possible infection. He says he doesn’t think that’s a good idea, and she says, why not? He says, if memory serves – and he could be wrong about this – she was some kind of evil villainess, wasn’t she? She laughs, and says he has much bigger problems than her. He says, is that so? and she says, he really doesn’t know who’s holding him there, does he? He guesses she’s not about to tell him, but she says, on the contrary. She’d be delighted. She gives him the shot.

Michael tells Yuri, it’s okay; Nina is family. Yuri leaves, and Willow tells Wiley, look who’s here. Nina says she doesn’t know what kind of grow pill Wiley is taking, but it needs to stop right now. He’s grown a foot since she last saw him. She’s missed him so much. Willow says Wiley has missed her too, and Nina asks if she can have a hug. Wiley hugs her, and she says, it’s the best hug ever. She says she got him something, and hands him a box which probably contains toy trucks. He goes to the table with it, and Willow says, he loves it, although how she can tell, I’m not sure, because Wiley is not talking today. Nina says she heard Willow and Michael got back together; she’s so happy for them. Michael says they’re happy for them too, and Willow says, it seems like the whole family has been given a second chance now that Sonny’s home. Michael asks, what about Nina? Is this a quick visit, or is she back for good?

Sonny asks Jason for details of what happened when he was gone, and Jason says, ask him anything. Sonny says he knows Jason wouldn’t have had a funeral first of all, and he definitely woudn’t have gotten married to Carly if the situation didn’t require it. Jason says, they had no choice, and Sonny says, then Dante showed up when he came home. Was that as a policemen? Jason says, there was an explosion in a limo outside their wedding, and Sonny asks, who was in it? Jason says, Novak and Buscema, and Sonny says, what are the odds? He can’t see Jason inviting two guys to a wedding who he was going to blow up, but he could see them coming to a wedding to blow Jason and Carly up. He was one step ahead, right? Jason says, they owe it all to Ms. Woo, and Sonny says he always liked her. Jason says, him too.

Carly asks Maxie what it is they’re talking about. What does she know? Maxie says she’s going to tell Carly, and Carly says, then tell her. Maxie asks if she can do it her way, and in order. And please, try to reserve any judgement, which she knows will be difficult. It would be for her too. They’re kind of alike in that way. Josslyn says she gets that Maxie is trying to help, but the way she’s building this up is making it sound really bad. Maxie says, well, it is, and Carly says, what is it? Maxie says, fine. Nina has known for months Sonny was alive.

Valentin tells Anna, does he hate that Helena Cassadine is his mother? Of course (🍷) he does, but he’s free of it. She says, yes, he is, and he says he has two beautiful daughters that he loves and adores. He has money of his own; he’s his own man. Of course (🍷) they still have a messy history, and Anna says, so messy, but he says he’s not tethered by it. He doesn’t drag it around like a ball and… She says, chain? and he says, he’s free to pursue her because he wants to, because she’s gorgeous, and she captivates him, and he could make her dizzy with a dozen fancy words for why he just likes to be around her. She thinks that’s enough ouzo for him, but he says, maybe it’s not enough ouzo for her. She asks if he’s trying to get her drunk, and he says, hell yes. If she thinks he’s handsome now, wait until she gets a buzz going. She laughs, and he calls for two more. He says, this is the perfect atmosphere for this conversation. If they’d had this conversation back in Port Charles, she’d  be so guarded. She says she’s not guarded. She needs to keep up a professional demeanor. He says she’s guarded. She never lets her defenses down. Here, it’s just the two of them in the field. When the sun comes up, she can pretend this never happened. She can just dismiss his words as those of a drunken fool, but tonight, he’s saying everything.

Obrecht asks what was the last thing Drew did as a free man? and he says, he sent Andre Maddox back to Port Charles. He got on a charter plane to Afghanistan – at least he thought it was headed to Afghanistan. He was going to return the money his good buddy Archer stole, but somewhere along the line, they veered off course, and landed on some island. She says, then what? and he says, two guys with guns boarded the flight. He tried to resist them, then, lights out. For him, not them. He woke up in this place, and he’s been here ever since. She asks what that tells him, and he says she must really like the game Twenty Questions. It tells him that somebody wanted him abducted. He didn’t know who then, and still doesn’t. She says, it was two people, working in tandem, and he says, and those people would be…? She says, the first, the one who originally arranged for his abduction, is none other than Peter August.

Sonny tells Jason, he assumes with Buscema and Novak out of the picture, nothing ties them to their deaths. Jason says he and Diane will have to go down to the station for a while, but there’s nothing to find. Sonny says, good, that means they’re in a decent position, but Jason doesn’t know, because Buscema and Novak wouldn’t have acted on their own. Even from prison, he’s still connected. Cyrus is definitely not gone. Sonny says, they’d better work on a strategy, and Jason says, what? Sonny says he can just picture that bastard sipping coffee, learning about the two guys that died, and he’s alive. He laughs, and says he’s standing in front of his grave, and he’s not in it. He feels like a winner. He cannot be touched. Jason says, then they need to have this conversation.

Nina tells Michael, it’s a little early to say if she’s back for good. TBD, how about that? Willow says, but no more… Nina says, Pennsylvania. She said goodbye to her time there. Michael says, when one chapter closes, another begins, and Nina tells him, that’s what they say. Wiley looks so happy. Willow says, they’re trying, and Nina says, they’re succeeding. She says there’s something she needs to tell them.

Josslyn asks if Maxie just said Nina knew, and Maxie says, yes. Josslyn says, so when she went to pick up her dad in Nixon Falls, Nina knew Sonny was there? Maxie says, yes, and Josslyn says, she was hiding him away, letting all of them grieve, and putting her mother through hell? Carly says she wants to know what Nina knew, and when, and when Maxie found out. Maxie swears she didn’t know when she planned the wedding. She didn’t find out until this morning when Nina came to her. She was really upset and very remorseful. She said she made a terrible mistake. Carly says, mistake? Is that what we’re calling it?  

Valentin says, Anna’s turn, and she says, to drink or talk? He says, both. They don’t have to talk about him all night; they can talk about her. What does she think of him? She says since he’s not even going to remember his name in the morning, she’ll tell him. She missed him. She missed what they were to each other; their friendship. She knows it was her who messed it up, but then when everything happened, and he came back into her life, there was a problem. He asks, what was the problem? and she says she likes him. She doesn’t want to, and it keeps getting worse. She thinks, in a way, he understands her better than anyone else. Robert is the closest obviously, but he’s a good soldier. That’s the difference; he never sold out. Robert never compromised himself like she did. He says, they both did, and she says she’s not saying Robert looks down on her. She’s saying, she looks down on herself when she’s with him. Valentin asks if she’s with him because he’s so much worse, and she says he is, but that’s not what she meant. He says, the first thing that changed his life completely was the birth of his daughter Charlotte. And she knows the second thing. It was her.

Drew says, oh my God. Of course (🍷). Peter was in Afghanistan. Peter paid David Archer to hand him over to Helena. Obrecht says, something he didn’t remember at first, but when it started to come back years later… He says, that son of a bitch didn’t want him to rat him out. She says, Peter was anxious to keep hidden what a demented human being he is. Someone who stole Drew from his life, and scrambled his memory. He says, Peter saw him as a threat, and she says, specifically Drew’s standing with the people Peter holds most dear – Maxie and his unborn child. So Peter went extreme, as they say. Not that she hasn’t been there herself, but there’s a difference between doing nefarious things because you’re blindly in love with the person you’re doing them for, and doing them just because it’s expedient. He asks what Peter did to Maxie.

Jason tells Sonny, Carly wanted to be there to talk about it, but since the moment came up, he will. How’s Sonny doing with his bipolar disorder? Has he been on his meds? How’s he dealing with it, because he seems like he’s doing okay right now. Sonny says he was lucky, because one of the people who took him in, Phyllis, is a nurse. She noticed his erratic behavior from the beginning. Jason asks if it was bad, but Sonny says, it didn’t get really bad. He didn’t sleep a couple nights, and Jason knows how he gets when he’s having a manic episode. Anybody else would have thrown him out or call the cops, but they were fantastic. They just told him to go to the doctor and get treatment. Jason says, it sounds like a real blessing, but that doctor was treating a bartender named Mike, so Sonny should see his psychiatrist.

Nina says she can’t tell Michael and Willow how much it means to her that they gave her a second chance. To be able to be with Wiley is such a gift. Michael says, what it boils down to is, Wiley loves her, and she loves him, and Nina says, so much. Willow asks how they could take that away from him, and Nina says she’s so grateful. Not only for that, but also, that they’re Wiley’s parents. They’re really great parents. They put Wiley first, and you can tell. He’s such a happy, all-around awesome kid. She gives them all the credit. Michael says he doesn’t know about that, but Nina says she does. They’re decent, kind, good people. They didn’t have to let her be part of Wiley’s life, but they did it anyway. She knows there was a little coercion with Jax, but she believes if they thought she was bad for Wiley, there’s no way they would let her in his life. They gave her a chance. Willow says Nina is very kind to say all that, but Nina says she means it; she’s grateful. Michael says, so are they.

Maxie tells Carly, the situation with Wiley had gone bad, as she knows, and Nina wanted to get out of town to clear her head. She stopped by Nixon Falls to say hello to a friend, and she was floored when she saw Sonny. Carly says, so floored, she couldn’t tell them? and Maxie says, Nina told her that she did call to tell Carly that she saw Sonny, but they got in some kind of argument? Josslyn says, so now this is her mom’s fault? and Maxie tells her, she didn’t say that. Josslyn says her mom wasn’t nice to Nina, so that gave her the right to lie, and keep Sonny a secret for months? That is crap. Really? We can’t do better than that line?

Anna says she changed Valentin’s life? This should be good. He says it was miraculous seeing her again. She’d completely changed her life around. She’d gone from a sad, flawed, compromised sellout… She says, don’t hold back, and he says she’s become so much better. He admires her. He could never reach the level she’s reached, but she’s showed him that he can make better choices. She says she can see that; she sees him. He says he knows she does, and she says, she knows he sees her better than anyone does. He shakes his finger at her, and she tells him not to get all juvenile about this. He says, where has he heard this before? Not the juvenile part, but the other part. He knows – from himself. He’s been saying that all along. He gets her, right down to her socks. She says she’s not wearing any socks, and he says, that’s a good start. They kiss, and I’m so in.

Obrecht says, Peter and Maxie conceived a child together, and Drew says he thought Maxie had better instincts then that. She says, he won her over, and he was convincing. He completely sold Maxie on the fact that he was reformed. She fell for it too for a while. Maxie was her daughter-in-law, and Obrecht wanted to be on good terms with her. Drew asks how that worked out for her, and she snorts. She says, when Peter’s past was on the brink of haunting him, he framed her for his own crimes, and had her shipped off to Steinmaur. He says, so she was at Steinmaur, and they sent her here, but she says, there was this whole interstitial with Maxie realizing how despicable Peter was, rejecting him, and him arranging to induce her labor, so he could kidnap her and his child. Drew asks, what happened? and Obrecht says, it backfired. The woman he hired to preside over the birth, ended up stealing the baby, handing her over to someone else, and meeting an untimely end. So now that precious baby is out there, and Maxie doesn’t know where to find her. He says, so she thinks this was a set-up by Peter? and she says she’s positive. The only thing Peter cares about is finding his daughter. Which is clearly why he’s working with Victor. Drew asks, who the hell is Victor?  

Nina sits down, and Michael says, they’d forgotten how much Nina came through in the original custody hearing. She told the truth about Nelle, and he knows it made a huge difference. Nina says, at the time, she didn’t know Wiley was her grandson, and Michael says, he thought about that; if knowing what they know now would have changed what Nina said, but Willow says, it doesn’t matter. Nina came through for Wiley when he needed her, and they’ll always be grateful. Michael says, it was definitely a turning point in the custody fight, and Nina says, what she remembers about that day is, she just generally wanted to do the right thing. Even though in her heart she wishes things could have been different for Nelle, and for her, the fact that things turned out the way they did for Wiley, she’s thankful for. That part, she’ll never question or regret, because Wiley has them.

Josslyn says she’s sorry. She’s not mad at Maxie; it’s Nina she’s mad at. But she’s got to say, it kind of seems like Maxie is defending her. Maxie says she’s not defending Nina. What she did is indefensible, but does she feel empathy for Nina? Yes, because she’s been at a place in her life where she convinced herself – out of fear, anger, or pain – that doing something wrong was okay. She’s been there, and isn’t in a position to judge Nina. Is Carly? Right now I want to knock Josslyn and Carly’s heads together, so I vote no.  

Sonny tells Jason, he really hadn’t thought about it, since he was on his medication. He was doing well. Jason says he’s glad, and Sonny says, but Jason’s right. He’s got to check it out, take care of himself. Did Jason and Carly talk about this, about him? Jason says, of course (🍷). It’s a big deal that he’s back; it’s a lot to figure out. Sonny says, sorry Jason got stuck with this. All the hell Jason has been through, and he wasn’t there. Jason says it’s not Sonny’s fault, and Sonny says, no, it’s not. It’s Nina’s.

Valentin tells Anna that she’s a good kisser, and she says, they need to sober up. He says she told him that she wasn’t drunk, and she says, he needs to sober up. He asks where the fun is in that? and she says she’s going to get them a gallon of water and a gallon of coffee. Then they’re going to sober up, and go back to the hospital. He asks, what about her socks? and she says, oh boy. She goes to the bar and asks for water and coffee, but when she turns around, Valentin is passed out, his head on the table.   

Drew says, Victor Cassadine didn’t die in that explosion at Creighton-Clark? and Obrecht says, no, he survived, and he’s been pulling strings ever since. To what extent she’s not certain. All she knows is, on her way to St. Lucia… He says, St. Lucia? and she says, to take care of Peter, as he so richly deserved. She was abducted and wound up there, with a pit stop at Victor’s lavish compound. He says he bets she’s missing that place right about now, but she says, the company is better here. He says, let him get this straight. Victor and Peter are working together because Peter wants to find his daughter. She says, yes, and he says, but Peter is an incredible lowlife; Victor’s got to know that. She says, please. Anyone who’s met Peter for five minutes knows that, and he asks, what’s in it for Victor? Obviously, he’s not doing this out of the goodness of his heart, so what’s he getting out of this arrangement?   

Michael says Nina probably wants some alone time with Wiley, and suggests he and Willow take a walk. Willow says she’d like nothing more, and they leave. In the foyer, Willow asks if Michael got the feeling something is going on with Nina. She seems upset, or lost, or… Willow doesn’t know. He says, that’s probably part of the reason she’s here; seeing Wiley will be good for her. Willow says, it always does wonders for her. In the living room, Nina asks if she can help Wiley with his coloring and sits on the floor. She says she’s sorry she was gone for so long. They have to make up for lost time, right? Wiley says, yeah, and she says, lost time might be all we have left.

Jason asks what Sonny is talking about. Nina who? Sonny says, Nina Reeves, and Jason says he doesn’t understand. Sonny says, remember the Phyllis he told Jason about? She hired him to work at the bar. She was friends with Nina, and Nina left Port Charles to come and see Phyllis. She saw him, and knew that he was dead, but she saw him alive. Jason asks, for how long? and Sonny says, pretty much most of the time. Jason says, she knew and didn’t say anything to anybody? but Sonny says, it’s complicated. Jason says, it doesn’t sound that complicated to him, and Sonny says, what happened was, Nina was upset with Carly over the whole Nelle thing and Wiley… Jason says, he knows, but they went through hell. Carly and the kids were devastated. Now Sonny is telling him that they didn’t have to be devastated? That Nina held the key to all this pain, and didn’t use it? Sonny says he gets that Jason is angry, and he is also. Jason says Sonny isn’t angry enough.

Carly tells Maxie that she’s done terrible, questionable things, but that doesn’t justify what Nina did. She stole Sonny’s life for months, and for what? Out of spite? She literally took Sonny’s free will, and sat back and watched his family grieve, so no, Nina doesn’t get an excuse. Maxie says she doesn’t disagree with Carly, and Carly says, what Maxie did today was the opposite of what Nina did to Sonny. She kept him a secret because it suited her. Maxie told the truth because she believed Carly deserved to know. Maxie says she’s going to feel bad if she doesn’t say this, but she still loves Nina, even though Nina did something very wrong. Carly says, that’s the painful part of loving someone who messes up, but this was Nina’s choice, and she’s going to have to live with the consequences.

Anna tucks Valentin in. She smooths back his hair, and turns out the light. She leaves, and we see the tattoo of the Cassadine crest on his forearm.

Obrecht says Drew is a very shrewd man; he cuts right to the heart of it. Victor never does anything without an ulterior motive. There’s always a goal he’s working towards. He says, Peter is helping him achieve that goal, and she says, Peter has something Victor wants or needs, or plans to acquire. She hopes he gets it. When Peter is no longer of use to Victor, that will be the end of Peter August. He says, none of which helps them. He doesn’t know about her, but he can’t wait until it plays out between those two psychos. How are they going to get the hell out of here? She says, music to her ears, and they hear the door. Drew gets back on the cot, and Russ comes in, saying, time’s up. Obrecht says, this man is very ill. His kidney may be bruised, and she needs to see him again soon. Russ says he’ll tell the boss. Let’s go. Before she leaves, Obrecht turns and gives Drew a slight nod.

Anna asks the bar musician if he speaks English, and he says, yes. She says she’s headed to the U.S. Consul hospital to check on a patient there. Her friend is asleep upstairs, and she may not be back until morning. He says, not to worry. He’ll make sure her friend gets the message. She thanks him, and says she loved his playing. She leaves, and as he closes his guitar case, we see a tattoo matching Valentin’s on his forearm.

Jason says, Nina took nine months from Sonny. Nine months where he wasn’t living his life with his wife and kids. Why isn’t he furious? Sonny says he was furious, but what’s the point? Nina is a sad woman. Her mother screwed her over, she went through a bad period in her life. Then she finds out she had a child, and it’s Nelle. That would mess anyone up. He’s not making excuses; she absolutely should have told the truth. She made a bad decision. Jason says, it’s more than one bad decision. She took so much from Sonny. Sonny says he’s not happy about that, but he doesn’t see the point in wasting his energy on hating her. Maybe he doesn’t want to let himself get angry. He’ll have to talk to his psychiatrist about that one. Jason says, sounds like a plan, and Sonny says, let’s get out of here. He points at his gravestone, and says, get rid of it. It should have been gone yesterday.

Nina tells Wiley to say cheese as she takes selfies with him. Yuri comes in, and says, Wiley has another visitor. Nina says, of course (🍷) he does, because he’s irresistible. Carly walks in, and Nina suggests Yuri take Wiley. She thinks she and Carly will need time alone. She gives Wiley a fist bump as Yuri takes him. Carly closes the door and says, you stole Sonny’s life, and bitch, you’re going to pay.   

Tomorrow, Trina says, today Esme and Spencer are going to get what’s coming to them; Scotty tells Ava that it’s her call if she wants to stay married; Sonny asks if Jason left Britt for Carly; and Carly says Nina is going to pay (again).

Vanderpump Rules

LVP and Ken discussed reopening after lockdown, and met with Nick Alain. James practiced his DJ skills in the living room, using the applause button on his keyboard for response. We saw Lala’s daughter Ocean, and Lala putting breast milk in her coffee. Scheana was also a new mother to Summer Moon Honey. Wow. Pick a lane. In LVP’s interview, she said they’d been locked up for a year, and everyone wanted to come out and party. We’re back baby. Schwartz and Katie were trying for a baby, but so far, had no luck. Luckier on the business end, Schwartz was opening a new place with Tom. We saw clips of them in the unfinished space, and talking about the features they wanted to install. Since the two of them are d*cks, LVP had to be the one to ask about what she’d heard through the grapevine, and they were too scared to tell her. Puffy! They admitted they were going to open a new bar/restaurant, and Tom said they were thinking of calling it Schwartz & Sandy’s. In Katie’s interview, she said she thought the name didn’t convey the funky and fresh vibe the Toms were going for. She told Ariana that she wanted to get involved with the new bar, and in Ariana’s interview, she said, she and Katie had gotten close, but Katie and Tom had always clashed. She wasn’t too sure how he was going to feel about that. LVP told the Toms that she and Ken were supportive, and it was all good.

At SUR, LVP asked Raquel about James, and in Raquel’s interview, she said James was two years sober, and had made progress. He’d been sober since she’d given him the ultimatum. We flashed back to that, and she said, but he still smoked weed. He was California sober. James met with LVP, and told her that he’d been self-reflecting. In his interview, he said he was actually doing better without the alcohol; his DJ’ing was on another level now. He wanted to get back into SUR, and LVP asked if he understood the boundaries. He said he never saw everything as clear as he did now, but she had some receipts showing the opposite. He’d sent Max a series of rage texts, calling Max a pr*ck, and saying Max was fat and nobody liked him, using the word fat in nearly every text. James has zero body fat, which isn’t necessarily complimentary, but I don’t know if he just knows it’s an extremely hurtful thing to say, or he actually has some huge aversion to essentially a normal body type. Regardless, I guess he’s not seeing things as clearly as he thinks. He told LVP that he and Max had a big blow-out. The sad part was, he’d known Max for a decade, and this had to do with splitting a plate of food in a restaurant. James said it was one of those little bumps in a friendship, and Max had blocked him all over the place. LVP said she’d block him too. He acted like an a-hole.

In Scheana’s interview, she told us that she and Brock were seeing each other, the pandemic hit, they moved in together, and nine months later, they had a baby. She was sure he was the one, and knew she’d said that before, but she’d never felt this secure and in love. He is really cute with the baby, and just plain cute, so I think this is a win for her. In Lala’s interview, she talked about being pregnant, and how her kid just flipped out of the cookie. Yes, we saw pictures. She’d written a book, Give Them Lala, and said she’d been writing it for a year. We saw a headline where she talked about shoving Randall’s toothbrush up her butt when they’d had a fight, and she said Randall’s reaction had been, WTF? but now when she was pissed, he thought twice about brushing his teeth. She told Katie she’d had two babies this week, Ocean and the book. While visiting Lala, Katie got a text invite to Scheana’s hibachi birthday dinner, hosted by Tom and Ariana.

Brock asked Scheana if she was going to invite Lala, and Scheana said that it was upsetting that Lala hadn’t been there for her during her miscarriage. Instead, she’d gone out to dinner with celebrities. We saw a clip of Scheana’s vlog, where she wept while talking about her miscarriage, and she told Brock, it had been devastating. She’d needed Lala, but Lala was having dinner with Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly. At Lala’s place, Lala asked Katie, and where was Brock? Golfing. Scheana had gone on a podcast, and talked about Lala not being there for her, and Lala had gotten some intense messages. In Lala’s interview, she said she got DM’s saying she deserved to miscarry. She was having intense hormonal depression, and it sent her into a full-on spiral. Scheana told Brock, from day one, she had Lala’s back, while Lala told Katie that Scheana was not getting an apology. You could only smack the bee’s nest for so long before getting stung.

In Tom’s interview, he said it was going to be their first get-together in the new house. When they first moved in, people were judgy about them having no furniture, but now they could shut up. You get a chair! You get a chair! Everybody gets a chair! Scheana called Tom and Ariana to thank them, but really to tell Ariana that Lala had been talking smack about her on a podcast. Ready with the evidence, Scheana played a clip for Ariana, where Lala said, with Ariana, it is what it is. Ariana didn’t give a f*** about her, and vice versa. In Ariana’s interview, she said she didn’t give a f*** about 99% of people, but she’d gone out of her way to give a f*** about Lala. She’d opened up about her anxiety and body issues, and had let Lala eat her cookie. Tom wondered if Lala just wanted to be controversial, but Ariana said, if that was the case, don’t use her to get attention. She was over being chill and reasonable. F*** her.

LVP wanted Max to work it out with James, because Max was in the restaurant five days a week. She’d invited James over, and in James’s interview, he said it was like being called to the principal’s office when he was five. If that really happened, he must have been pretty mature at five. Most of us weren’t even in regular school yet. Is he Benjamin Button emotionally? In LVP’s interview, she said out of all the people on the planet, her son was the only person on James’s side. She thought it was a relationship worth saving. Discussing it in the kitchen, Max asked why James had been so aggressive, and James said Max complained about them charging $10 to split a plate. He went off because they’d taken a pre-workout supplement. Um… steroids? I don’t know many supplements that would jazz you that much. James said it brought out the Alpha male in him, and Max said he took the same thing, so why had he been chill? James said, Max hadn’t been chill. Max bummed him out over a ten dollar charge. Max said James was playing the victim. When James used to drink, it was an escapade of belligerence every time they went out, and now this. James said he didn’t mean any of it, but Max said he didn’t want James at SUR. Because James still can’t take any pushback, he told Max that he was just the boring little boy he’d always been – which was really smart to do in front of his mom – and Max walked out. LVP said, that didn’t go well, and James started crying, one of his go-to moves. LVP said he was responsible for the situation, and James wondered why he treated his friend like that. Seriously. It was one of those times where anything other than an apology is a bad idea.

Katie wanted be involved in the new restaurant, and told Schwartz, since they didn’t have a baby, that could be their baby. She wanted to be Hot Bitch in Charge. In Schwartz’s interview, he said, Katie didn’t like people, and the industry revolved around people. The theme for Scheana’s birthday was Mom’s Night Out, and she’d asked everyone to wear pink or black, because the only cute thing that fit her was a pink dress. Ariana was wearing pink, but said her soul was black. Tom made a special cocktail called Summer’s Eve, not knowing that was the name of a douche. Ariana asked if Scheana and Lala were going to duke it out. Magician Ben was introduced, and in Lala’s interview, she said, really? A magician for a grown-ass birthday party? She loved magicians, and thought they were super cool – when Randall got them for his child’s party. Ben’s finale was making Scheana’s ring disappear on a balloon that rose to the sky, then reappear in a wrapped box. In her interview, Lala added, okay. That was pretty dope. The chef and server, both Jonathans, appeared, and dinner was hibachied and served.

Katie told Tom that she wanted to be the maître d of the new place, and Tom said, okay, but it was one of those okays that doesn’t really mean okay. Schwartz said, Schwartz and Sandy sounded like they should be serving matzo ball soup. Agreed. It sounds like a Jewish deli. Katie said it was uninspired, and in Tom’s interview, he said he’d like to see the receipts of what she’s done, and her achievements of amazingness. Then there was this huge deal about the name, and Tom told Schwartz that he was done arguing with Katie; no more. James stood up like he was going to give a toast, and invited everyone to Palm Springs. There wasn’t going to be a Coachella this year, so he thought they could recreate it. Tom said they’d make their own Coachella. Scheana told Brock that she still needed to have a conversation with Lala, and grabbed Lala as she was going inside. She asked if Lala would sit down with her, and Lala was like, now? but Scheana was insistent. She said she’d needed Lala in Palm Springs. Lala didn’t understand how hard it had been for her. Lala said she’d answered every phone call, and offered to come. Scheana said she wanted to be by herself. When Scheana said she was ready to see Lala, she was on her way to dinner. She wasn’t there for Scheana the way Scheana wanted her to be, but she was there. She wasn’t apologizing. Scheana asked if Lala ever considered she wasn’t thinking clearly; she’d just lost a baby. Lala said she got that, but what Scheana had done wasn’t cool. The day she found out she was having a baby girl was the moment Scheana chose to publicly say Lala wasn’t there for her when she miscarried. She was already fighting depression, and got messages saying people hoped she miscarried Ocean. From the stands table, Ariana relayed to the others that Lala was crying. Something is happening. Lala says she gets what Scheana went through, but Scheana should have called and told Lala that she’d hurt her. Scheana said, that’s how she reacted, but she understood; from Lala’s perspective, she felt she was there. She was sorry she’d expected Lala to be a mind reader. Lala said they needed to get on the same page. She hated that they didn’t share their pregnancy experiences. Those were moments they couldn’t get back. She wanted their kids to be friends.

Raquel asked Lala if they were all right, and in Raquel’s interview, she said, time and again, she’d experienced the wrath of Lala. But she’d rather lead with compassion and empathy, than worry if Lala was going to lash out. Lala told Raquel that she hated how she and Scheana couldn’t get their pregnancies back, and weren’t communicating. She thought they’d had a breakthrough with their friendship, and wanted to stop with the pattern. Raquel said she didn’t know what to expect from Lala. She didn’t know where she stood. Lala said she liked Raquel her right now, and Raquel said she no longer felt she needed Lala’s approval, although she did for a long time. She was over it. instead of realizing Raquel was telling Lala that she’d grown as a person, Lala took it as an insult, and asked if Raquel was trying to battle her. Raquel said she wasn’t. She wanted them to be on the same page, but had felt attacked. Lala said she thought they’d moved on from that. Raquel needed to be babied more, so she’d baby her. Raquel said, just a little bit, making a joke out of it, and Lala said she’d baby the f*** out of her. The next time she wanted to rage, she’d redirect it to Charli. She seemed like a bitch who could take it. Ariana said Lala had raged about her out of nowhere on a podcast. Lala said she talked sh*t a lot because she wore her emotions on her sleeve. She and Ariana had been surface for a while, and she didn’t even hear from Ariana ever. Ariana said that wasn’t true, and Lala asked if It wasn’t true that Ariana didn’t give a f*** about her. Ariana said Lala wanted it to be, and it wasn’t true before, but it was now. Lala said she didn’t need this, and left. Ariana said Lala consistently gaslighted her, and never apologized.

Next time, Schwartz tells Katie that he and Tom have to present a united front; Katie could have sworn Schwartz said til death do us part to her, not Tom; the group goes to Palm Springs; Raquel does the bend-and-snap; and Lala and Charli go at it. And not in a good way.

🕺🕺 Here’s my take on the Toms. They were on Watch What Happens Live afterward, and Tom Sandoval is sooo full of himself. He says Tom Schwartz has a voice and can be aggressive, but I don’t believe that for a second. I think Sandoval steamrolls right over him, as evidenced during the name argument. Which, BTW, Sandoval won. The restaurant is going to be called Schwartz and Sandy’s. When there was a vote as to who was top guy now that Jax – still the worst human being in the world – is gone, Sandoval won that too. Schwartz said he was happy being number two, and I believe that.

🤵🏽 Nikolas For Now…

GH is temporarily recasting Nikolas. There’s no explanation, but I’m guessing positive covid test, or family emergency and his scenes were already written.

🦽 Keep On Wheelin’…

It took 58 years, but she finally did it.

🧛🏻 Good Vampires Never Die…

This sounds intriguing, and Ian Buchanan is the perfect choice.

💔 Real Break-Up…

I guess Vicki realized even a wedding wasn’t going to save her.

https://www.eonline.com/news/1304102/real-housewives-vicki-gunvalson-and-steve-lodge-break-up-2-years-after-engagement

⚰️ Playing Dead…

And just for the record, contrary to EW’s belief, the TWD episode using the subway cars was not like Train to Busan.

https://ew.com/tv/walking-dead-on-the-inside-connie-virgil-daryl-angela-kang-interview/

https://ew.com/tv/walking-dead-commonwealth-out-of-the-ashes-angela-kang/

✨ Starlight, Starbright…

Join me tomorrow for some soap and a look into the life of Erika Jayne Girardi, otherwise known as RHOBH. Until then, stay safe, stay environmentally conscious, and stay knowing that when it’s your choice, you have to live with the consequences.