What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Sasha is sitting at a table in the MetroCourt. A server walks by with a tray of coffee, and Sasha looks like she might be sick. Lucy comes in, and tells her that she looks awful. She asks if that’s why Sasha wanted to meet. Is she using again? Sasha says, no, absolutely not, and Lucy says, then what’s wrong? Sasha says she’s feeling a little off. Lucy says, that much is obvious. Is she sick? Sasha says, no. She’s pregnant.

Alexis asks Nikolas what he’s doing at the prison library, and he says, it’s a little complicated. Can they go somewhere more private to talk? Shawn says, no worries. He has work to do anyway. She asks if Nikolas remembers Shawn, and Nikolas says, of course (🍷). How is he? Shawn says he’s hanging in there, and Alexis says he’s been hanging in for years, for a crime he didn’t commit.

Nina walks into the Tan-O, wearing a short cocktail dress, and clears her throat to get Sonny’s attention. He says, wow, and she spins around. He says she looks too good for Eli, and she says, it’s for a worthy cause. After tonight, they’re going to know all of Elijah’s secrets.

Carly says, Jax doesn’t want their daughter to be anything like her? Wow. That says a lot. He says he doesn’t mean to be harsh, and she says, really? She gets that he’s worried about Josslyn, and she can’t deny that things are different right now, but taking cheap shots doesn’t help. He says he’s trying to get her to see it from his perspective. It was bad enough when she was married to the mob, with Jason and Sonny constantly in danger, but now they’re both gone, and she has a choice. But instead of taking the first off-ramp, and getting herself out of the crosshairs, she’s done the exact opposite. She says she knows that’s what it seems like, and he says, that’s what it is. She’s turned herself into Sonny. Can’t she see? She’s no longer collateral damage. She’s the target. (Maybe it’s the scotch.)

Britt asks how Sam found them, and Sam asks if Jason is okay. He says he is. He got shot, but Britt took care of it, and he’s okay. Sam says, thank God. When she saw the bloody bandages at the safe house… He asks if anybody knows she’s there. Could she have been followed? She says, no. She kept her eye out the whole time, but Dante is at the gas station two towns over. He says, Dante saw her? and she says he did, and he’s not going to be far behind.

Alexis asks if Shawn has any idea who did shoot Hayden, but he says, no clue. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was sure he was guilty until Hayden came and told him herself that it wasn’t him. (I don’t remember this, but why couldn’t Hayden have told that to the judge?) Alexis asks how Hayden knew, and he says she doesn’t know, but Sam backed her up. He never got any intel on who the real shooter was. He tells them that he’ll let them talk; it’s good to see Nikolas. Nikolas says good to see Shawn too. Shawn goes back to his table, and Alexis asks what Nikolas is doing there. She thought only the inmates and staff were allowed in. He says he can go wherever he wants, and she says, because of a favor he owes him-who-shall-not-be-named? He says he’s no longer working with Cyrus.

Britt says she still doesn’t understand how Sam found them, and Sam says, this is one of the Cassadine properties. She figured Britt would know about it from the time she spent with Nikolas. Jason asks if Dante knows she’s there, and Sam says, not yet. Dante is there because someone matching Britt’s description was at the gas station buying supplies. It didn’t take him long to put two and two together, but Dante is stalled for now. Jason asks, how? and she says she slashed his tires. Jason thanks her for doing that, and for coming there. She says, of course (🍷), and hands him a passport, saying, courtesy of Spinelli. They better get moving. She mapped out their route to Canada, and there’s a bus station near the border where they can drop Britt off.

Carly tells Jax, if what he’s saying is the case, that she she stepped in for Sonny, then she’s only doing what’s best for her family. He says, wow. All in the hypothetical. She’s got the slang down. She says she should after 20+ years. He says, it’s a repeating nightmare. Every time he thinks he’s gotten through to her how destructive this life can be, and that she’s better off away from it, he didn’t. Isn’t that what their entire marriage was about? They were in love and had an amazing family. They could have kept that going forever. She says, no, they couldn’t, and he says, of course (🍷) not. Sonny was this pit of quicksand, dragging her under. Now here she is, miraculously free from all of that, but she made a conscience choice to go back. Why? She says he know why, but he says, no; he honestly doesn’t. Think of the time she had with him, and compare it to the time she had with Sonny. Which is healthier? She says, stop… With him, but it’s not where they are right now. She needs him to hear her. This off-ramp that he thinks she has, she doesn’t. All Sonny’s death has done is made her position more dangerous.

Sonny says he doesn’t like Nina putting herself on the line, but she says she’s a big girl. He says, what if Elijah figures out the date is a ruse? and she says, he won’t. He asks if she’s sure, and she says she knows she seems sweet and innocent to him, but she knows how to play someone when she has to. If Eli is behind these robberies, they need to know. He says, Eli is involved. He saw Eli paying off his thug. What he wants to figure out, is why. What would Eli get out of ripping off a charity dance? She says, that’s what she plans to find out. She can handle this. The real question is, can he?

Lucy asks Sasha how it happened; was it planned? Sasha says she’s a single recovering substance abuser, and Lucy asks if she used birth control… Never mind. There’s a baby on board, and that’s all that matters. Sasha asks Lucy to lower her voice. She’s the first to know. Lucy says, really? and Sasha says she felt she owed it to Lucy. Lucy stood by her when she was using, and kept giving her every reason to bail. It meant everything. Now her circumstances have changed… Lucy asks if Sasha really thinks Deception would distance itself from a pregnant unwed woman? and Sasha says, not necessarily. Lucy says, it’s the 21^st century, and Sasha says she thought she’d give Lucy an out because of everything. Lucy asks who the dad is. Michael? Sasha says, no, and Lucy says, Valentin? Sasha says, Cassadine? and Lucy says she’ll take that as a no. Jasper Jax? Sasha says, Jax used to be Michael’s stepfather, and Lucy says, okay. Someone corporate and dashing. Maybe not corporate, but very dashing. Chase? Sasha says, she’d never, and Lucy says, Finn? Sasha says, he’s Chase’s brother, and Lucy says, he’s a very successful doctor. Sasha says, not Finn, and Lucy asks, who is it? Brando comes by, and says he hopes Sasha is feeling better.  

Sasha tells Brando, much better, and thanks him. He says she had him worried the other day. She says she knows; sorry. He caught her at the wrong time. He says he’s glad she’s on the mend, and Gladys joins him. She says their table is ready, and Lucy says she bets they have so much to catch up on, as she and Sasha do. Please enjoy your meal. Ta! Gladys says, no need to give them the bum’s rush, and Brando says, take care. They leave, and Lucy asks, so who is the baby daddy? She wants to know. Does Sasha even know? Sasha says, yes, she knows, but he doesn’t, and she’s not ready for him to. Lucy says, fair enough, and Sasha says, so how does Lucy want to handle her pregnancy?

Sonny tells Nina, forget what he said about being jealous. He wasn’t talking about her… He was talking about her, but he was talking about how he doesn’t like Eli, so… She says, when she asked if he could handle it, she was really asking if he could handle his part in tonight’s plan. He says he can, and she asks if he has everything he needs. Did he learn anything about breaking and entering? He says he did a lot of reading. She wonders why that doesn’t fill her with reassurance, and he promises he’s not as dumb as he looks, but she says the last thing she thinks he is, is dumb. He asks, why does she always do that? She says, do what? and he says, always look at him like she knows him better than he knows himself. She says, it’s probably really annoying, but he says, no; he likes it. She says she should get going. She’ll see him afterwards. He tells her, be careful, and she says, him too, and leaves.

Carly tells Jax, it’s only a temporary situation. Jason will be exonerated, and come back and take over. He asks when that will be, and she says she doesn’t know. Soon. He asks if someone can’t take over for Jason, but she says, no. He says, why not? and she says, it’s not just about protecting her family, but protecting Port Charles. Think about it. If they weren’t in charge, this city would become the biggest drug port on the Eastern seaboard. Wholesalers would be slaughtering each other; the gangs would be at war, trying to take over the territory. The only reason this situation has been relatively stable is because Sonny has been in charge. Like it or not, he’s kept the peace.

Britt says it’s nice of Sam to make plans for her without asking her first, and Sam says, there’s no time for hurt feelings. Dante is back with the PCPD, and her guess is, he knows a lot more about Sonny’s organization than they think he does, including the safe houses. Jason says, Dante has no jurisdiction in Canada, and Sam says, those tires are only going to stop him for so long. If he finds them, they’re all screwed, so they need to get going. Jason says he appreciates her coming there, and the information about Dante was helpful, but she’s not going to Canada. She can go back to Port Charles now, and forget she saw them.  

Alexis asks Nikolas, what’s going on? and he says he hit a snag in his relationship with Cyrus. She says, define snag, and he says he started to worry that Cyrus wouldn’t keep his word to keep her safe, so he decided to take an action of his own. Say hello to the soon-to-be new owner of Pentenville.  

She says, he bought Pentenville? and he says, it’s not a done deal, but Cassadine Industries is in talks with the State to take it over privately. He should have thought of it before, but you know what they say about hindsight. She asks what he knows about running a prison, and he says, not much, but his HR department will find the best, most competent people for the job. She says she happens to know something about private ownership of prisons, and he says, some of them are hellholes. She says, once there’s a profit motive, inmates stop being people and become products. There’s an incentive to cut corners, and keep inmates there longer than they need to be. The violations of human rights are horrible. He asks if she really thinks he’d let whoever’s running it mistreat the prisoners? Has he sunk that low in her eyes?

Lucy says she’s proud of Sasha. She straightened out, and became a perfect representative of Deception. She’s relatable and reliable, and she did that emotional TV interview. She’s been wonderful. Motherhood is beautiful and natural, and guess what? Pregnant women wear makeup too, don’t they? Lucy starts getting excited, and says, so many celebrities are expecting. It should be the Year of the Mother, and if it’s not, they’ll make it that way. It’s wonderful news. Not just for Sasha, but for Deception too. Sasha says, really?

Gladys asks if Brando thinks Sasha is back on the hard stuff; she looks terrible. He says he didn’t ask Gladys to dinner so she could bad mouth Sasha, and she says she’s his mother. She’s worried about him. He says he’s worried about her too, and she says, that’s sweet, but she’s fine. He says, is she? and she asks, why wouldn’t she be? He says, two words – Cyrus Renault.

Carly tells Jax, Sonny is gone, and the rivals are circling. It’s more important than ever that she stay where she is until Jason can run things. He asks when that will be, and she says, not right now. He says he can tell she believes she’s keeping the peace, and she says she is. He says just because she believes it, doesn’t mean it’s true. She saasks him to tell her how he sees it, and he says she’s painting a bullseye on her back. She’s putting herself and their daughter in danger. She’s Josslyn’s mother, and one of the most important people in his life. She could wind up dead. Does she understand that? He’s terrified; for himself, Josslyn, Donna, and Avery. She doesn’t understand how much the kids need her; now more than ever. Of course (🍷) she has a reason for everything. She has this illusion of holding it together until Jason is back, and everything will be fine. That’s the kind of thinking that’s ill-advised any time. In this situation, it could get her killed.

Sonny packs bag. He puts in a gun, and a flashlight.

Eli says Nina looks fantastic. Did he already say that? She says he did. He looks great himself. He says. that’s big praise coming from the Editor-in-Chief of Crimson. He asks what that look is, and she says there’s nothing he doesn’t know about her career, but she’s in the dark about his. He says she knows he’s in commercial real estate, and she says, true. In a town that’s trending downward. He asks if her piece isn’t going to save the day, but she says, that won’t be published for a while. To be honest, she has the feeling she might be being hypocritical. The town is lovely, but violent. There was an armed robbery at the local dance, not to mention the other robberies. It’s a shame. Where does Eli think it’s coming from?

Sam says she hasn’t forgotten the decision she made for the safety of the kids, but this isn’t about her wanting to go on the run with Jason or getting dragged back into the life. It’s about getting Danny’s father out of the country. If she doesn’t, they’ll find him, and when they do, he’ll go back to prison, and guess what happens then? Cyrus will kill him. She’ll just get him across the border safely, and go home. He asks, what if she gets arrested? She’ll be an accessory, and violate her parole. She’ll go back to prison, and Danny and Scout will lose both of them. He’s a fugitive, and whether he digs himself out or not, that’s on him. He won’t let it spill onto her and the kids.

Nikolas tells Alexis, he’d convinced himself that he was doing the right thing, playing Cyrus’s game to protect her. Then he realized his mistake. She asks what Cyrus did, and he says, Cyrus was talking about Spencer like he knew him; dangling it like a threat. He swears, if Cyrus goes anywhere near Spencer… And Ava, Laura, and Avery’s safety is important. She says, this is his solution? and he asks if she can’t muster a little faith. She says she has so much faith in him, and prefers this to him being in league with Cyrus. He says, that’s the spirit, and she says, besides, while she’s in there, she can keep an eye on things, and keep him honest. He says, no doubt he’ll answer to her, and she says, damn straight. He says he has to see the warden; he’ll be right back. She tells him, good luck, and he leaves. Shawn says he remembers that look of determination, and she says he has a good memory. She’s not going to let up until she convinces him to fight for his exoneration.

Jason tells Sam, please. It wouldn’t be fair to her, and especially Danny and Scout. She says, he’s right. She can’t take that kind of risk. She’ll go. She hands Britt her passport, saying, Britt is taller than she is, but she thinks it will hold up. Britt thanks her, and she says, good luck. Sam tells Jason, please be careful, and he says he will. She tells Britt, on behalf of her kids, she thanks Britt for saving their father’s life. Britt says she’s welcome, and Sam leaves. Britt says, okay, super expert. She gets it. He’s right. They’ll never stay more than ten hours from now on. She’ll put a timer on her phone. He says, her part is done. This is where she cuts out.

Eli says he knows Nina doesn’t want to hear it, but the unpleasantness started taking place after Mike arrived. When Mike showed up on the scene, the tranquility was broken. She says she looked online, and the uptick in crime started happening way before Mike got there. He says they don’t actually know where Mike was before he showed up, and Mike doesn’t remember. Who’s to say he wasn’t there without them knowing it? She say, the way she understands it, Mike was in a bad place when he came to the clinic; he’d been exposed to the elements. He says, maybe Mike did it, or someone else did it to him on purpose. Maybe trouble follows Mike wherever he goes. The point is, they don’t know. Nina tells him, all she can say is, she doesn’t see the shadiness… at least not the kind he’s alluding to. He says she likes the guy, and she says she does. He says he can tell, and it got him wondering. Is Mike the reason she hesitated when he asked her out?

Sonny sneaks around, and starts to pick the lock on Eli’s office door.

Jax says he can’t believe how confident Carly is, and she asks why she shouldn’t be. He says her plan to break Jason out of the hospital went about as bad as it could go. It’s not hard to follow the timeline. He, Josslyn, and Trina were on their way back from Nixon Falls, when Jason went missing, and she was MIA. They know because they were desperately trying to get ahold of her. She asks if he’s guilt tripping her, but he says he’s just stating the facts. She thought it would go one way, and it went in the complete opposite. She’s convinced herself that if she just keeps the plates spinning until Jason comes back, everything will be right with the world. It won’t.

Shawn tells Alexis that he made peace with the situation. She doesn’t have to be his crusader. She says she’s not… Maybe she is crusading a little bit, but she just wants him to try. He says he can’t show remorse for a crime he didn’t commit. She says, if he had committed the crime, he’d have remorse. Think about that when he’s before the parole board. Just get out of here. He needs to be with TJ, and he needs to call Sam.  He needs to find who shot Hayden, and clear his name. If he can’t do it for himself, do it for his son. He asks if she’s playing dirty, and she says, is it working? He says, okay, but he’s not just doing it for TJ and himself. He’s doing it because if he doesn’t, she’ll never stop hounding him. She says, truer words, and Nikolas watches them.

Lucy tells Sasha, she just thought, they missed Mother’s Day, and it would have been perfect to bring in the Year of the Mother Deception campaign then. Sasha says she’s grateful she still has a job, but Lucy can’t make the announcement until she figures out what to do about the father. Lucy says she can go with that, but make it snappy; she’s excited. She tells Sasha, eat up. Her baby needs nutrition. She tries to get Sasha to smell the food, seabass with garlic and capers, saying, it smells so good, but Sasha says, nothing smells good these days. Lucy says, a touch of morning sickness?

Brando says, when Gladys lied about seeing Jason with the murder weapon, she got into bed with someone seriously dangerous, and she asks, who said she was lying? He wonders if she’s that hard up for cash, and she says, Cyrus has been so good to him. He says, because Cyrus is blackmailing him. She told Cyrus that he lied about Dev being his son, and Cyrus threatens him every day. However nice Cyrus is being, it’s just the carrot. The stick is coming. And pretty quickly, she’s going to hit the point where Cyrus thinks what he’s paying her isn’t worth it.

Nina asks if Eli is suggesting there’s something between her and Mike, but he tells her that he didn’t say that. He just thinks there’s interest there. She says, as friends; friends being the operative word. He says, there’s a familiarity. It almost feels like she knew Mike in a previous life. She says, Phyllis likes Mike, and her trusting Phyllis’s opinion goes a long way. He says, so she and Mike aren’t heading in that direction? and she says, not that she’s aware of. She wonders if her answer made Eli happy, and he says, very happy.   

Sonny continues to pick the lock. Is he out of practice?

Britt guesses she won’t need the passport, and Jason says she won’t. Spinelli will get her one of her own. She says, so they’re going along with Sam’s plan? He’s dropping her at a bus depot, and she’s going back to Port Charles? Why don’t they go over her options for when she gets there? She can lie, say he’s evil, and he dragged her off at gunpoint – which would be perjury – or she can tell the truth, which means they’ll slap her with aiding and abetting. It won’t make much difference, since whatever she picks, Cyrus is going to kill her. He says Cyrus isn’t going to kill her, and she asks how he can guarantee that. He says he’s going to kill Cyrus first, and she says it’s insane that she’s reassured, because she knows he actually means it. He says he does want to take her to the bus station, but she’s not going back to Port Charles. She’ll go to Queens Point, where Spinelli will pick her up. He’ll take her to one of Sonny’s safe houses, or even the island. She says, Sonny has an island? and he says, yeah, in Puerto Rico. She’ll be safe, and protected, and not a target like when she’s with him. She asks if he’s kidding, and he says she already went above and beyond. She says he wants her to leave him, with an unhealed  gunshot wound, while she’s off on some Puerto Rican vacation? She’s not going to do that. He says the chances he took were for himself. Does she know how stupid he was to leave the hospital; to break out? He knew it was the wrong strategy, but Carly was losing her mind, so he did it. He knew better, but he did it. The fallout is on him, and nobody else. She says she loves how he acts like this is some big revelation. She’s not a block of wood. She gets the dynamic between him and Carly, sort of. He was about as enthusiastic over Carly’s plan as he’d be for a root canal. It’s a tiny part of why she went along with him. He says, to stick it to him? and she tells him, she said a tiny part. Usually, there’s no arguing with him; what he says, goes. So it was fun to watch someone order him around for once. The bottom line is, she didn’t have to do any of this. When they got to the safe house, she could have called a Ride Share, and been done with it, but she operated on him because she wanted to; because she owed him. He says, she didn’t, but she says, he saved her life. And there’s a good chance she doesn’t have much of one left. She can be on the run with him to Canada, or watch herself deteriorate. It’s a tough call. She wipes away some tears, and Jason asks if she’s absolutely sure. She says she’s in this for the long haul, but she’s curious. What is the long haul? Does he have a plan or what?

Carly says she can keep the plates spinning for as long as she wants to. It turns out she’s good at it. All the years of watching Sonny and Jason, allowed her to take what worked for each of them and combine it. He says, finally, there it is, the truth. She actually likes it. It’s going to continue, and if Jason goes to prison, it will continue indefinitely. Is he getting that right? He can’t tell her what to do, but what he can do is take their daughter out of this house.  

Gladys tells Brando, now it’s her fault because high and mighty Carly put all her eggs in one basket? Everything is Jason this, and Jason that. Oops. He killed someone, and proved it by running away. That’s not her fault. She reported what she saw. It was her civic duty. Brand asks if she remembers who she’s talking to. If she could see further than her petty motives, she’d see who she was dealing with and steer clear. As soon as Cyrus has no more use for her, she’ll be done. She says she thought he was making up for him missing Mother’s day, but he obviously brought her there to browbeat her. No thank you. She gets up, and strides out.

Lucy shoves a lemon in Sasha’s face, and tells her to breathe it in. It really helped her when she was pregnant with Sirena. Sasha jets from the table, and Lucy gets on the phone. She says she has absolutely wonderful news. She can’t disclose it, but has a fabulous idea for a new ad campaign. The face of Deception is now the face of conception.   

Alexis asks Nikolas how it went, and he says he spoke with HR so he can vet new employees. He wants to make sure they’re right for his new version of Pentenville. She says she has good news too. Shawn has decided to fight for his freedom. Shawn says Nikolas’s aunt is relentless, and Nikolas says, it’s one of her best qualities. Shawn says he figured once he gets out, he can do right by Hayden. He’s going to nail the person who shot her and thinks they got away with it.

In the restroom, Sasha makes a call to the hospital. She says she’s a patient of Dr. Navarro’s, and wonders if she can prescribe something for morning sickness… That would be great. She’ll come by to pick it up. She puts some water on her face, and leaves. Gladys comes out of one of the stalls. Like no one saw that coming.

Jason tells Britt, they’ll cross the border to Canada, and she says, and go where? He says he knows a place, and she says, him being scarce on the details is shocking. He asks if there’s gas in the car, and she says she just filled it. He says they should be able to make it on one tank, and she wonders where the keys are. He has them, and says they’re not having this argument again. She says yes, they are; she’s driving. He says she’s a terrible driver. She’s aggressive, switches lanes too much, and goes too fast. She says, sorry. She thought they were on the run from the law. Her bad. He says they don’t need to call attention to themselves.   

😕 Unreal. There’s a special report – to tell us vaccinated Americans no longer need wear masks. This couldn’t wait two minutes? I find the rest from my secret sauce source.

Britt promises she’ll do better. She’ll drive in the middle lane and do the speed limit. Who has the critical gunshot wound? He says, not her, and she asks if he wants to get to Canada alive. That won’t happen if he passes out behind the wheel. Hand them over… Please. She really needs him to trust her. He hands her the keys, his hand lingering on hers for a few beats.

Jax tells Carly, he’s not allowing their daughter to be exposed to this anymore. She’s coming home with him. She tells him, because he says so? but he says, no, because it’s the smart thing to do. She asks if he’s talked to Josslyn, but he says, no. She says so he doesn’t know Josslyn’s thoughts on the matter, and he says, he knows she wants to live. She says their daughter is going to college soon, and will be living on her own. Their daughter is all grown up, so maybe this is something she should weigh in on. He says, fine, and she says, great. He says, they’ll leave it up to Josslyn then, and he leaves.

Eli says Nina has this all figured out, which means he can do something he’s wanted to for a while. He leans in to kiss her.

Sonny finally gets into the office. An alarm goes off.

Tomorrow, Cyrus was hoping he and Sasha could put past mistakes behind them, Brook asks if this is where Valentin tells her that their agreement is off, Phyllis knows what Sonny has been up to, and Carly wants her will revised.

Million Dollar Listing New York

Tyler said his party to show the luxury apartment was a bigger success than he thought it would be, but what wasn’t on the invite was someone else showing his clients the penthouse. In KJ’s interview, she asked, who lets their client walk around a party with a bunch of brokers? The penthouse was amazing, 3300 square feet, and KJ made some suggestions to Tyler’s clients for when they were prepared to show it. In her interview, she said it was a strategic decision to prove she had more knowledge, and could do a better job. Down the road, they would realize she was right, and call her. Broker Bonnie thought she had a client for Tyler’s apartment, but wanted to see it without the crowd. 

Fredrik announced, Freddy is back! and screeched that he loved New York. In his interview, he said being bi-coastal was exhausting, but he thought it was the best option for his family. He was showing a townhouse on St. Luke’s Place, which he called quintessential New York. He met his associate Keith there, having decided to hire Keith to help him to the $718,750 potential commission. He told Keith, no pressure, but wanted him to feel the pressure. Whatever that meant. In Fredrik’s interview, he said, co-listings for him could be challenging, but it was about putting in the right energy when it was needed. Fredrik did some private showings, doing what Freddy does best. As he said, no one wants to work with a boring broker. The townhouse, built in 1903, was five floors, had a wine cellar, and a 6-foot hot tub/plunge pool. I was majorly impressed with the basement and its 13-foot ceilings and brick archways. In his interview, Fredrik said it was a New York dream; Sarah Jessica Parker would be jealous.

Kelly Bensimon, who was an old friend of Fredrik’s, came by, along with her client, potential buyer Ron, who looked like an old-time movie star. Fredrik had recently learned Kelly got into real estate, and said she was a true New Yorker and well-connected. Ron seemed thrilled with the place, but not so thrilled with the $28.750 million price tag.

KJ – who, BTW, looks a lot like a young Lauren Hutton – got some acupuncture done, saying it kept her focused. She was taking, like, 15 different supplements a day, and the acupuncturist told her, sometimes less is more. Her assistant called in the middle of her session to ask about beverages for KJ’s upcoming open house where she was having an Aperitivo, which she described as an Italian happy hour. She was selling a townhouse that had been on the market for two years.   

Ryan was showing the ginormous townhouse that had commercial space on the bottom, and a wow on every floor. Going for $18 million, he focused on the idea that the owner could run a business on the  ground floor, and live above in the townhouse. Amelia had come up with the idea of a pop-up shop along with the open house, which Ryan thought was genius. Her friend Madeline had a swimwear line, which she displayed on the ground floor, and Ryan dressed as a lifeguard, complete with zinc on his nose, and one of those read things the Baywatch lifeguards carry. Ryan pointed out the fireplace that changed colors, as well as the red/blue hot/cold faucet water. There was a view of Hudson Yards, a hot tub, a massive shower that they crammed at least 12 people into, and of course, the pool, which had a current you could swim against. Steve showed up, and seeing Ryan’s attire, asked if the place had a pool. Ryan said, no; he just felt like dressing that way, and in his interview, said Steve had the nerve to question his outfit when he came there in a Steve Jobs costume. He said, it was funny how he and Steve were now talking about being dads, when it seemed like just yesterday Steve told him to stop crying, and drink some milk.

KJ said she was always anxious about events, and this one would have a lot of Italians coming, who were the most difficult clients ever. They questioned every single thing. She’d lived in Italy for three years, married an Italian, and often traveled there. She invited her whole Italian network.

Fredrik went back to L.A., where he and Derek had a tantric yoga session. In Fredrik’s interview, he said he thought yoga had helped him be calmer and more present. His phone also rang during the session, with bad news from Kelly, saying her client wasn’t buying the townhouse. He was between girlfriends, and wasn’t sure if he was going to end up with the uptown or downtown girl. In his interview, Fredrik said it had been tough. He’d had so many showings, and it was a tricky market, but it was going to be okay. He called Keith, and they agreed they needed to throw the most epic event ever.

Tyler called his life coach, who he said helped him block out the doubt and fear. He told her about the relaunch, and said broker Bonnie was coming back to look at it privately. She asked him what was harder; selling the unit, or losing 200 pounds? It was time for him to stand up and shine. Bonnie said her client had a family of five, and wanted a wow apartment. Once again, I had no idea what a chef’s kitchen meant. Isn’t every kitchen a chef’s kitchen? I have to google that one of these days. He showed her the 50-foot pool that was on the wraparound terrace, and in his interview, Tyler said, when showing a raw space (i.e. no furniture), he had to paint a picture. Bonnie got the picture, but thought 3000 square feet wasn’t going to be enough for her client. She said they’d thought about combining apartments, and Tyler told her there was a 2-bedroom up above that he just happened to have the keys to. In his interview, he said the biggest secret for brokers was to get to know the building’s staff. That’s how he got the keys to the penthouse. Bonnie thought it would work well, but knew her client would have questions, and expect an incentive.   

In KJ’s interview, she said she thought Italians would better understand the aesthetics of the building. Italian’s were sassy, funny, and high energy, but trusted no one, and were super critical. She thought the Aperitivo would resonate with them. She also made sure to dress well, since to Italians, the most important thing after the food was what you were wearing. A double kiss from an Italian woman, also meant a double look up-and-down. She spoke to the guests in Italian, telling them that this was the penthouse closest to her heart, since her husband had built the building. She pointed out how everything had been imported from Italy. Her team member Zach thought he had a buyer, which would be a double win, and in her interview, KJ said an Aperitivo was a bite, a taste; something to whet the appetite. Zach’s buyer could lead her to the main course.   

Tyler’s client gave him the go-ahead on combining the apartments, but Bonnie said her clients wanted an elevator installed, and only offered $11 million. Considering the larger apartment was $12 million, and the one upstairs was nearly $3 million, Tyler said it was like a BOGO deal. His client didn’t mind doing the construction, but wanted $12.5 million. Bonnie said she’d been authorized to give a final offer of $12 million, and Tyler thought it was a big ask, but told his client that it wasn’t a bad offer, and would be all cash. They had a deal, and a $360k commission. Tyler said it wasn’t so much about the money, but about proving himself. He’d just sold an apartment that the owners had tried to sell for a few years. He always second guessed himself, and thought he wasn’t good enough for the luxury world, but he didn’t have to wonder any more. He was good enough. He and Bonnie decided on getting a nice meal, and some nice clothes.

Next time, Marc Jacobs’s house, Tyler gets a listing by a firehouse (I once lived near one in NYC – you get used to it), and Ryan and KJ do a co-listing.

👫 Old Friends…

Fredrik talks Kelly.

https://www.bravotv.com/million-dollar-listing-new-york/style-living/fredrik-eklund-reacts-kelly-bensimon-real-estate-career

🍷 Whetting Your Appetite…

All about the Aperitivo.

https://www.eataly.com/us_en/magazine/culture/aperitivo/

🚌 Get Ready To Roll…

Pine Valley hits the road on June 10^th.

🍻 Coming Back To Remember…

Felicia returns for Sean’s memorial.

🐕 Real Housedogs…

No doubt they have better personalities than some of the women.

https://woofrepublic.com/blog/the-real-housewives-new-jersey-dog

✔️ Another One Ends…

Join me tomorrow for tea, a little soap, and some wise words. Until the pour, stay safe, stay discriminating, and stay knowing that sometimes less is more.