What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Alexis appreciates Neil’s concern, but she’s concerned. She was poisoned by something banned in the 60s. Does he really think Kendra did it? Neil says he doesn’t know Kendra, but assessing the information he does know rationally, everything points in one direction. Her life coach poisoned her.

Lulu finds Dustin and asks if he’ll sign her hall pass. He asks when she started attending the school, and she says she’s not officially enrolled, but she heard there’s an amazing English teacher, and she wants to audit the class. He says students can tell when a teacher is distracted, and she’s nothing if not distracting. He kisses her, and she says she’s not really there for class. She has a Thanksgiving card from Rocco for him. He says maybe he can wish Rocco a happy Thanksgiving in person. What are they doing on the holiday?

Cameron tells Dev, come on, dude. Just tell us. If he’s not Sonny’s cousin, who is he? Trina says, no secrets; house rules. Josslyn says, maybe some secrets are secrets for a reason. Cameron asks if she knew about this.

At the pier, Hayden flashes back to Valentin offering her a quarter million dollars to tell him what’s so important about the portrait. If she doesn’t want payment, he can exert influence in other ways. He has a skill set that he’s experienced in using, and once the money is off the table, it will get unpleasant. He’s asking her one more time if they have a deal. Her phone rings, and she asks what they want.

Valentin tells Hayden that he’s ready to wire the money, but she says she’s still setting up the account. He asks what the delay is, and she says she’s juggling a million things. He says breaking a deal with him causes substantial penalties, and she says she’ll call him. Charlotte comes in, and Valentin asks if she’s ready. She asks when she can go back to school; she misses her friends. He says he thought they weren’t taking any chances after what happened. Charlotte flashes back to Nikolas telling her that he works for her father, but the next time, he’ll be faster to save her. He wants to stay on as her bodyguard. Charlotte tells Valentin that she doesn’t have to worry. She knows she’ll be safe.

Nikolas comes downstairs, and Jax asks where he’s off to. He says he has an appointment, and Jax asks if he realizes that every time he leaves, he risks their operation. Jax wonders if Nikolas has a secret desire to be found out. Nikolas says Jax gave him a deadline for wrapping things up before New Year’s Eve. Laura comes to the door, and Jax says Nikolas is welcome to get that. Nikolas jets, and Jax says he didn’t think so. Laura says, it’s important. The situation is heating up.

Jax answers the door, and asks what brings Laura by. She says she’s assuming he got one of these, and shows him the invitation to Valentin and Nina’s wedding. Jax tells her that Nina and Valentin are going to try to get married again. She says she wasn’t invited to the first one. Does he have any idea why they requested the pleasure of her presence this time? Jax says she’s Charlotte’s grandmother, but she says, something is up. Maybe Valentin is rubbing her nose in the fact that what he has belongs to her son.

Alexis asks if Neil is giving up psychology for detective work. He wonders if she’s doubting his amateur sleuthing, and she says, emphasis on amateur. He says there was no question that thallium was in her bloodstream; the questions is, where did it come from? He asks if Julian told her about the dead rats in the alley, and she says he did. Neil asks if Julian told her that he ran into Kendra there the day before.

Lulu tells Dustin that Charlotte will be spending Thanksgiving with her father and Nina, so she and Rocco are going to the Quartermaine’s for Thanksgiving dinner. She hopes being there might keep Rocco from feeling sad about missing his dad. He asks what time dinner starts, and she says, between three and four. He says that means she has the morning free. Can he interest her in going to the Port Charles parade with him?

Dev tells them to leave Josslyn out of it. It’s his secret to tell – or not. Trina asks if Josslyn is covering for him, and Cameron asks if she’s covering, or is Dev pressuring her. Josslyn tells them, calm down. They’re all friends. Dev says he thought so. Josslyn tells Dev, they have to tell them or they’ll keep digging. Cameron asks, what’s going on? and Trina asks if there’s something wrong. Josslyn says everything is okay, but Dev isn’t exactly Sonny’s cousin.

Valentin says, after the horrible experience with Cassandra, he thought Charlotte didn’t want to rush back to school. What changed? She flashes back to telling Nikolas that she doesn’t want to lie to her papa. He says it’s not a lie if she just doesn’t tell. Please. He just wants to prove himself, and that he can keep her safe. Charlotte tells Valentin that she was afraid at first, but she knows he’ll make sure she’s safe. He says he always will; she’s his whole world. Charlotte hopes he and Nina get married this time. She wants Nina to be in the family forever. Valentin calls her his princess, and says once they make Nina the queen, they can guard the castle and make sure no dragons harm their family. He hugs her.

Nikolas shows up at the pier, and Hayden tells him, two more minutes, and he would have been there by himself. She could be spending time with her little girl and her father. What was the urgency? He says, her first. Anything to disclose? She asks what he’s talking about, and he says he got impatient yesterday. He decided to take advantage of the fact that he’s dead, and eliminate Valentin. He’s known, one way or the other, it would come down to Valentin or him, so he went to Spoon Island, and let himself in through the secret passage. But Valentin wasn’t alone; she was there. He heard every word. She should learn to negotiate. A quarter of a million dollars is nothing. She says he might think otherwise if he’d heard everything else, but he says he doesn’t know why anyone would be fool enough to trust Valentin. They could meet the same fate as Cassandra. She says she had no choice. Valentin knows that she knows something, and he won’t back off. Why did he drag her into this? He says he got her into it; let him get her out.

Jax says he assumes Laura isn’t there to discuss the invitation, and she says, no. As mayor, it was brought to her attention that for a brief time, he was a person of interest in Cassandra’s escape. He says his credit card was used to rent the van she escaped in. It was dismissed, since it was a case of identity theft. She says what she has to ask is, why his identity? He asks what her point is, and she says whoever helped Cassandra escape might have wanted to implicate Jax when she died. Then he’d be an accessory, and they’d get rid of two enemies at once. Does he think Valentin would frame him? Valentin might have figured out the potential value of the portrait. He says, all the more reason to step up their game, and find out what Ava knows. The doorbell rings, and she asks if he was expecting someone else. He says he wasn’t expecting her. It’s Colonel Sanders Martin, who introduces himself, and walks right in. He’s glad to see Laura there too, and asks if there’s any chance they could discuss a matter of mutual interest. Laura asks what that would be, and he says, a work of art. More specifically, a portrait of a lady.

Dustin tells Lulu than the band and cheer squad have been practicing for weeks, but she says he doesn’t have to go for the hard sell. Rocco loves parades. He says, what about Rocco’s mom? and she says she loves them. He asks if he can pick her up or should they meet, and she suggests he come over early. She can make pumpkin spice pancakes. He says he’ll be there, and asks how Charlotte is. She says, it’s amazing how well she’s doing, and he says, she has a strong family around her. Lulu says he’s perceptive, and he tells her, it’s the company he keeps. He knows a hotshot journalist. He’s looking forward to getting together.

Dev tells Josslyn, Sonny isn’t going to like this. Trina asks if this is a godfather situation. Is that the kind of family Dev comes from? Josslyn tells Dev that if  they don’t say anything, Trina and Cameron will think it’s worse than it actually is. Cameron says, just say it. Who is he? Dev says he’s not Dev Corbin. He’s Dev Cerci. It’s a Turkish name. Trina asks why it’s a secret, and Josslyn says, Dev is from Turkey, and he met Sonny when Sonny was searching for Dante. There was trouble, and Dev put himself on the line, so Sonny owes him. Trina asks if Sonny brought him back, but Dev says he got there on his own. Josslyn says Dev is in the country illegally, and has a fake passport. Sonny arranged for him to have a US ID, but if anyone looks too close, there could be serious trouble. Dev could get deported.

Alexis tells Neil that murder needs a motive and opportunity. He asks if Kendra didn’t supply the supplement, but Alexis says she had it tested. He says, when she first started taking it. She says she had her doctor check on the ingredients, and he says, from the first batch. She says she liked it, and it made her feel good, so she had Kendra refill it. He asks why she didn’t just order it herself, but she says it’s from Italy and she doesn’t think it’s distributed here. He wonders if Kendra told her that, and she says she didn’t see it anywhere. He asks if she saw Kendra take it, and she says she saw Kendra mix it herself from her container. He asks if she saw Kendra drink it, or could she have substituted something? She tells him, hang on, Sherlock. He’s forgetting motive. Why would Kendra want to poison her? They met randomly at a fitness boot camp for charity. He says he has to see a patient, but while he’s gone, think of the day she first felt ill, and the day she last saw Kendra. Maybe she can remember what’s wrong or right. He leaves, and Alexis ponders.

Kendra shows up, and says she’s glad to hear Alexis is on the mend. She felt inadequate, just sending her a smiley emoji. She’s been worried about Alexis, and thought she’d come and see for herself if Alexis is feeling better. Alexis says, much better. And don’t worry about the emoji. She’s used to it; she has three daughters. Kendra asks if there’s anything she can do, but Alexis says, no. Everything is good. People have been kind; her doctors, her family, Neil, even Julian. Kendra says, obviously, he still cares about Alexis. Alexis says Julian came by to talk about… She wants to change the subject. Does Kendra go to Charlie’s sometimes? Kendra says, it’s true. She does enjoy the occasional Manhattan. She hopes that doesn’t make Alexis doubt her commitment to a healthy lifestyle. She says Alexis should elongate her spine, and starts messing with the pillows.

Trina asks what about Dev’s family? Don’t they miss him? Dev says it was better for him to come there. Sonny said he’d help him, and give him a shot at a better life. Josslyn says, they can’t mess up with Dev’s story, even for a second. Cameron says Dev hasn’t perfected it yet. What about political asylum? Josslyn says, it’s too late for that. Dev got in with a fake passport. To apply legally, he’d have to leave, and then apply under his real name. It could take years. Cameron says he’s stuck with being Dev Corbin forever. Josslyn says, only a few people know. Her mom, Sonny, her dad, Jason, and now them. They have to be together. No one says anything; no one makes a mistake. Dustin comes to the door, and Dev blocks it. They scramble into their seats, and Dev jumps into his, leaving the door. Dustin comes in, and says, okay. What’s going on?   

Lulu goes to Windymere to get Charlotte, and asks how Charlotte is feeling. Charlotte says she’s fine, and Valentin say,s she’s nothing if not resilient. Charlotte says she wants to go back to school, and Lulu doesn’t see why not, but Valentin says he’ll send Lulu a text about it later. Lulu says Spencer girls are fierce. Valentin tells Charlotte to stick close to her mother, and they leave. Valentin looks at his phone, and says, the clock is ticking, Hayden.

Martin says he represents a client who prefers to remain anonymous. They’re an art lover with eclectic taste, and acquired a portrait by J. Garran, purchased from the Jerome gallery. He’s heard they share an interest in the artist, and his client is open to hearing their best offer. Jax says he’s not making an offer sight unseen. How does he even know they’re in possession of it? Martin opens his briefcase, and says, seeing is believing. He shows them a picture of the portrait. I’m wondering why this should be enough to prove it.

Nikolas gives Hayden his jacket, and she asks why he’s being so nice to her. He says there was a genuine connection between them once. That’s why he contacted her. He needed allies in Port Charles, so he could roam freely, but he also wanted to make amends, and give her a cut of what he stands to get from Valentin. It’s significantly more than $250,000. She appreciates his good intentions, but says that’s not going to protect her from Valentin. He says he can protect her. She can leave before Valentin knows she’s gone. He can have her identity scrubbed clean, and she can have a fresh start where Valentin will never find her. How soon can she leave? She says, never.

Hayden says she’s come too far and sacrificed too much. Her daughter has finally met her father, and their future is there. Nikolas says, it’s a fantasy. The only way to keep her daughter safe is to disappear. She says he brought her there knowing the risk. Now he says it’s too great? Why should she trust him? She still has the scar from when he tried to kill her. He says, it cuts both ways. That’s the past, and they need to look at what’s happening now. Her best, her only option, is to leave, and he can make that happen. She says, thanks, but no thanks. She has too many reasons to stay. She starts to walk away.

Martin says, J. Garran isn’t known for his brushstrokes or lighting. It’s the puzzles he puts in his paintings; the riddles his devotees love to solve. Jax asks how he knows it’s even intact. Laura asks if the canvas and frame are in pristine condition, and Martin says, authentication will be provided when an offer is made. Laura asks the name of his client, and Martin says, as he explained, they want to remain anonymous. Laura says she has a problem with that. She holds public office, and needs to know who she’s doing business with. Martin says she’ll be doing business with him. Think about it, but don’t wait too long. The painting is in great demand. He tells them that he’ll see himself out. He leaves, and Jax and Laura look at each other.

At the café, Lulu shows Charlotte pictures of Donna, Wiley, and Rocco. She tells Charlotte that Olivia claims she’s cooking a turkey dinner, but she doesn’t believe it. Charlotte asks why she thinks Olivia can’t cook turkey, and Lulu says, the Quartermaines have a terrible track record when it comes to Thanksgiving. When Charlotte is eating dinner with her papa and Nina, they’ll be eating pizza. (One of the things I look forward to every year, along with how Lucy will lose her clothes at the Nurses Ball.) Charlotte says, Leo loves pizza. Lulu says she and Rocco have a busy day planned, and asks if Charlotte wants to join them at the parade. Charlotte says she and her papa have a whole day planned too. She asks if Dustin will be at the parade, and Lulu asks how she knows about Dustin. Charlotte says he’s Lulu’s special friend, isn’t he? Lulu says, he’s a friend, and he’s special, but they’re still getting to know each other. Is Charlotte okay with that? Charlotte says, she likes Dustin, and Lulu says she’s glad to hear it. She likes Dustin too.

Dustin asks if Mr. Rosenberg is on a break, and Train says he is. He asks for how long, and she says, a while. He ask if they’re planning on taking over the lunchroom, and staging a walk-out because there’s no sushi, and Josslyn says, that’s it. Dustin says they broke the rules, and they’re here to learn to take responsibility for the consequences when they make bad choices. The choices they make could cause harm to them or someone else. Have they thought about that? Cameron says they have, and Dustin says Cameron was already on probation, and stands to lose the most. Does he have anything else to say? If there are any other choices they’re wrestling with, now’s the time to say so.

Kendra says, now that Alexis is on the mend, she’ll be out soon, and back on her feet in no time. Alexis says she’s not rushing back into working out without doctor’s orders. Kendra asks if it was a bug, and Alexis says she was poisoned by thallium. It’s been banned for decades, but was used as rat poison. The police believe that it was deliberate. Someone is trying to kill her.

Nikolas tells Hayden, some people have been blown to bits. That’s how far Valentin is willing to go to protect himself. Once she tells him what he wants to know, she’s expendable. She says she can’t leave. Violet has never had a real home, or known her family. Now that she’s been introduced to her father, Hayden isn’t taking that away. It’s not fair. Nikolas says, it isn’t, but it’s temporary. Once he’s found the codicil, and reclaimed the estate, Valentin will be powerless. He won’t be able to touch her. Right now, the closer Violet is, the more danger she’s in. 

On the phone, Valentin says he’s a patient man. He wants them to move on this. They know what to do. Do it.

Jax tells Laura, something’s not right. They were just talking about what Ava did with the painting, and Martin shows up wanting to sell it. Laura says, it’s convenient. An anonymous client bought it to sell it to them? Jax says he should act quickly. Martin said there was a lot of interest. It has to be Valentin. He could know the codicil is in the portrait. Laura says he didn’t know when he had it thrown out. He did ask about it a couple of times, so he must have realized it’s important. Jax doubts he realizes the codicil strips him of the estate. Martin rings the bell again. He apologizes, saying he was in such a hurry to report back, he left the picture. He picks it up off the coffee table, and I’m betting there’s a mic in the frame. He says he hopes he hears from them soon. He leaves, and Laura wonders what they was about. I say, what that was about is, you stupid.

Cameron tells Dustin that he thinks he can speak for everyone in saying they’re totally committed to making the right choices, even if those choices are unpopular. Trina adds, and even if their friends don’t understand the cost. Josslyn says, that’s what real friends do. Dustin is glad they’re willing to hold themselves accountable. They seem to have gotten something out of it. He tells them if Mr. Rosenberg isn’t back by the end of the period, they’re free to go. He leaves, and Dev thanks Cameron. Cameron says, not so fast. Dev might not like what he has to say next.

Kendra wonders who would do such a thing, and Alexis says she keeps wondering that herself. Kendra says it’s going to cause stress, and it’s the last thing Alexis needs while she’s recovering. She suggests doing cleansing breaths, but Alexis says she’s feeling tired. Kendra says, before she goes, she has something that will help Alexis relax, and give her a sense of well-being. She hands Alexis a capsule, but Alexis doesn’t think it’s a good idea to mix it with the medication. Kendra says, it’s totally holistic, like this makes a difference. She tells Alexis, just swallow, and she’ll start to feel more alive. Neil comes back, and asks what Kendra is doing there. Kendra says she was just checking in, and Neil says, the doctors were pretty clear that Alexis needs rest. Kendra says she was just on her way out, and tells Alexis, get better soon. She can’t wait for them to get back to work. She leaves, and Neil asks if Alexis is okay. She says, she didn’t swallow it, and Neil says, what? She shows him the capsule, and says Kendra gave her something to relax. He’s glad she didn’t take it, and she says his suspicion is contagious  That doesn’t make Kendra guilty though – yet. She asks him to take it to the lab and have it analyzed. See if he’s right.

Cameron is sorry he pressured Dev to tell his secret. Obviously, it would be better if they didn’t know, but there’s no turning back. Trina says, if Dev goes down, they all do. Josslyn says they have to make sure he’s not caught. Cameron says they have each other’s backs, and need to trust each other not to tell another living soul – no matter what. They touch hands, and they swear.

Lulu tells Charlotte that she’s grabbing their order, and to stay there. She’s going to be two feet away, and make sure Charlotte is safe. Charlotte says, she’s perfectly safe, and Lulu says, she’s a Spencer girl after all. Charlotte looks at Lulu’s pictures, and sees one of Nikolas. She flashes back to him saying there are bad people out there, and he promises to get rid of every last one of them.

Hayden throws Nikolas’s jacket back at him. She says it’s her life and her child. Get out. He says he’ll go, but know that the more she drags it out, the more danger she’s in. In spite of their rocky past, he doesn’t want to see her or her daughter in harm’s way. He leaves her alone on the pier.

Jax tells Laura, they can’t look too eager. He’ll have to offer below market value. Laura says when Valentin finds out, what’s to stop him from making a counter-offer? She looks at Martin’s card.

Martin arrives at Windymere, and Valentin asks if he was successful. Martin says, tell him, and plays a recording of Jax saying, the codicil to Valentin’s father’s will is hidden in Helena’s portrait. Told you.

Hayden stands on the pier, and flashes back to telling Finn about Violet being born, and how she was named after his favorite flower. Every smile, every expression reminded her of him. She takes out her phone, and says, Finn, pick up. He’s the only one she trusts. Someone grabs her from behind.

Tomorrow, Lucas tells Brad to come clean, Sasha talks to Willow, Valentin has no intention of losing anything, and Nikolas tells Hayden that she has to leave now.

The Real Housewives of Orange County

Kelly meets Braunwyn who said woke up 6 am, and was already running late. The only time I see 6 am is when it’s because I’ve stayed up until then. Braunwyn says she and Sean are going to Miami on Sunday, and she’s not prepared. Kelly says she doesn’t want go. In Braunwyn’s interview, she says Kelly is her friend, and she wants Kelly to go. She tells Kelly that she doesn’t have to hang out with Tamra, Vicki, or Shannon. In Kelly’s interview, she says, that’s not a vacation; it’s Game of Thrones. She tells Braunwyn, they’re like The Witches of Eastwick. In her interview, she says they have all the characteristics of witches. They have the cackle – we flash back to each of them… well, yeah, they’re cackling – and they plot and plan. She tells Braunwyn, these bitches better stay in their lane and stop picking on her. Braunwyn knows they won’t, and Kelly says, Tamra is so two-faced, it’s ridiculous.

Tamra and Gina go shopping for bathing suits. I’m going to be the first to say it tonight. Gina needs to lose that blonde hair. The shade is bad for her, and it looks over-processed. I don’t know if she didn’t spend enough on a hairdresser, did it herself, or what, but it’s a huge no. Tamra says her competition days are over, and we flash back to her strutting her stuff. Gina asks how long they’re staying, and Tamra says, it’s only one night in Miami. Gina asks if she’s talked to Kelly, and Tamra says she hasn’t. It’s been three weeks since Kelly trash talked her to everybody. The first time she sees Kelly, it’s going to be totally awkward.

Kelly tells Braunwyn, they have a gang mentality. Tamra’s been talking about Kelly’s mom and repeating rumors. She yelled at Vicki, saying repeating a rumor is the same as telling one, and then does it herself. Braunwyn says something about these women as a group brings this out. She thinks if Kelly dealt with them individually, they can get through it. Kelly says they’re obviously not her friends. Braunwyn tells her, stop engaging with them, and just hang with her. Kelly says it doesn’t work, and she doesn’t like it. They say she fights dirty. They should shut up first, then she will.

Tamra tells Gina, something flips in Kelly. When she thinks someone has done something to her, if it’s true or not, she goes ballistic. In Gina’s interview, she says, Kelly gets mad, and tries to destroy people. She involved herself in Jim Bellino’s lawsuit. Kelly has been reaching out to Jim. We see tweets from Kelly with hashtags to Jim. Tamra says she’s not stooping to that level, and I laugh so hard, I almost fall out of my chair. In my head. Gina says, step away, have some shots, and some hot Miami men. Tamra says Gina can do the last one; she can’t.

Braunwyn says she knows Tamra loves Kelly. You only get that angry at people you love. Kelly says Tamra doesn’t love her.

Tamra says, Kelly doesn’t think. She’s only as smart as the last person she’s talked to. She feels Kelly has crossed the line.

Braunwyn says if Kelly is done after the trip, she won’t talk her out of it, but she wants Kelly to give it one more shot. At least then she tried. Is she in? Kelly says she is. In her interview, Kelly says, she’s not letting the three amoebas (ha-ha-ha!) get in the way of her fun.

Shannon calls lawyer Ben from the car, and tells him that she’ll be there in ten minutes. In her interview, she says the divorce was filed two years ago. It’s such a shame they had to fight. It should have been easier to move on. The first few days, you try to settle, and today is the last day. Either they settle or go to trial. The process has been so nasty and emotional, she can’t wait to clean her hands of the marriage and move on with her life. We flash back to David being a jerk, moving on to being fake, and then being a jerk again. We see Shannon at the reunion, saying they’re not together anymore, and they’re getting a divorce. She says it makes her want to pull her hair and cry her eyes out, knowing there are people who want her to get nothing. It frightens her to death.

In another car, Tamra tells Gina that Vicki has a surprise for them. Gina says Vicki invited everyone over, except Kelly. Tamra says, and Braunwyn. She nearly said something, and Braunwyn didn’t know about it.

Emily arrives at Vicki’s first, and Tamra and Gina follow. In Gina’s interview, she says she had no idea what Vicki’s surprise is. It could be an I’m taking you on vacation surprise, or a COTO insurance education class surprise, where they have to buy insurance at the end. Vicki says Shannon is going to be late, and makes a big deal of fanning herself because it’s hot. Gina grabs Vicki’s hand, saying, is she serious? Vicki says she got engaged. In her interview, Vicki says, this happened, and shows us her ring. In Tamra’s interview, she says, Vicki’s love tank is full. In Emily’s interview, she says Vicki sold a lot of insurance to buy that ring. Vicki tells them, two nights ago, Steve suggested they just have a quiet dinner. In her interview, she says that Steve told her that he just wanted to be with her, and they both started crying. She tells the women that Steve said he loves her, and his family loves her, and he wants her to be his wife. Shannon joins them. Tamra tells Vicki the pictures don’t do the ring justice. In Shannon’s interview, she says she’s over the moon for Vicki. She believes in love and romance, and knows she’ll get married again, and has a happy life ahead. Shannon says, it’s done; she signed the papers. Things were contentious, but today, David was being nice. In her interview, she says the final settlement was about in the middle of the high and low points she thought she’d be. Today, she was coming from a place where she might get nothing. She tells them, before she got there, she got an email from David. He said he’s proud of what she’s done, and hopes they can move forward. He wants the best for her. She says it’s what she wanted him to say when they were married. Emily says, validation, and they toast. Vicki says they’re going to have fun, eat, and then celebrate. They go inside to eat. Tamra says Shannon is going to piss all over Key West. In Shannon’s interview, she says it’s going to be Shannon Storms time there, and she’s not thinking about David’s affair. Gina tells them about Matt bringing her breakfast in bed and flowers. In Gina’s interview, she says Matt is bringing his A-game. He’s trying to woo her. Emily asks if she feels the change is permanent, and Gina says he’ll never sh*t on her again. In Emily’s interview, she says, Gina and Matt are the worst divorcing couple ever. They want a divorce, and want to get back together. As a former divorce attorney, she hasn’t seen this. People who come for a divorce, usually want a divorce. Shannon tells Vicki that she forgot about Braunwyn, even though Braunwyn invited her to Miami. Vicki says she doesn’t know Braunwyn, and Tamra says, you really get to know people when you travel together. Vicki asks about Kelly, and Tamra says she doesn’t know. Legally, she and Shannon can’t talk to her. In Tamra’s interview, she says their attorneys advised them not to talk to Kelly, which isn’t the same thing, so as usual, Tamra is making it up as she goes along. Shannon says, anything they say can be used against them, and Tamra says she’ll never be Kelly’s friend again.

Braunwyn asks Sean for Miami outfit advice. They’re going early, and she’s looking forward to a few stress-free days with her husband. She doesn’t wear a lot in Miami. Everything she has is Vegas stripper. She says Sean learned about fashion with her careful tutoring. When she met him, he was wearing overalls, with one side unbuttoned. Sean asks if she thinks Kelly is coming, and she says she’s hoping they work through it. Vicki just got engaged. She invited everyone over but her and Kelly. Vicki is mad at Kelly, and to quote her, Braunwyn doesn’t exist. In Braunwyn’s interview, she says she and Vicki don’t have a relationship, but they have mutual friends. Braunwyn wants Vicki to be nice and pleasant, and maybe learn her name. Sean says, the trip will help. They can laugh and have fun. Braunwyn doesn’t understand how they can be so intense with each other, but still close. It’s almost like they’re married. She and Sean fight, but then have sex, and it disappears. Because of Tamra, Braunwyn can’t make out with the others.

Tamra bikes to Vicki’s. Briana, Ryan, Michael, Owen, and Walter the pug are there. In vicki’s interview, she says Briana moving away was her worst nightmare. In Briana’s interview, she says her life in North Carolina is amazing. It’s been her best year healthwise in ten or twelve years. She’s getting good medical care from the best lupus practice in the nation. She’s been on the keto diet, and lost sixty pounds, and there’s less stress. Vicki tells Steve, they went from a quiet house to dogs and kids. Vicki asks when Steve thinks they should get married, and he says, next year. Briana asks if Vicki is changing her name, and Vicki says, absolutely. Tamra jogs in, and hugs Briana. In her interview, Tamra says Briana is like a daughter to her. They met when Briana was young. She ask if Briana thinks they’ll ever move back, and Briana says, f*** no. Tamra asks when they’re having another kid, and Ryan says, last night. Vicki says, they consummated their marriage downstairs? and Briana says, they’ve been married eight years. Vicki leaves to get her camera. In her interview, Tamra says, she and Briana came together when Vicki was dating Brooks; they knew he wasn’t good for her. We flash back to them discussing him. She’s happy Vicki is with such a good guy. She tells Briana that Vicki has changed since she’s been with Brooks. She’s said before that Vicki is a chameleon dater. In Briana’s interview, she says Vicki’s relationship with Don was good. They got married when she and her brother were still little, and Vicki and Don raised them. But she doesn’t feel they were ever truly in love. Brooks was all passion (ew! thanks for the visual), but there was nothing else. No respect; nothing else that makes a true relationship. Vicki comes back out with the camera, and Tamra takes a family picture. Steve wonders if he should stand where he could be cut out of the photo later if something happens.

Braunwyn and Sean are already in Miami. Sean says, it’s so cool. It’s like group therapy for the women. Braunwyn says if they can’t have fun in Miami, they can’t have fun. In Braunwyn’s interview, she says when she and Sean lived in Miami as a couple, they always wanted to be fun, and have crazy nights and days. The city was made for her. She says, it’s the right environment, and there’s tons of alcohol. Sean says it’s awesome there. Braunwyn seriously lives in a dream world. Maybe she has to, with all those kids. With tons of alcohol, it’s never going to be the right environment for these women.

Tamra calls Braunwyn while she’s packing, and asks what she needs other than a bathing suit. Braunwyn says, a sexy dress. It’s humid, so no matter what, she’ll be sweating. Bleh.

Vicki dumps sand out of her suitcase from wherever she went last time.

Sophie suggests Shannon bring lingerie, and a T-shirt with a motorcycle that says, put something exciting between your legs. Shannon says, honest to God.

In the car, Emily says she knows Kelly doesn’t want to go. Kelly says she’s not scared of Tamra or Shannon. Braunwyn was her friend first.

Tamra tells Shannon, she doesn’t know how to predict Kelly will act. She’s not even having any eye contact with her. In Shannon’s interview, she says, it should be an interesting trip, with no talking. Shannon says Kelly is afraid of them, but Tamra says she doesn’t think Kelly is afraid of anything.

Everyone gets to the airport. Shannon says, come on. Florida, we’re coming for you.

Braunwyn gets champagne and flowers for Vicki. In her interview, she says, Vicki has found love, and it’s a peace offering. Question mark over my head, since Braunwyn didn’t do anything to Vicki.

Shannon is not excited to see Kelly. Braunwyn meets them in Miami, with two convertibles to take them to the hotel. In Gina’s interview, she says she’s not surprised about the two Maseratis. Braunwyn tends to be bougie, but she’s not upset about it. Kelly says Gina had better hold on to her hair, but everyone’s hair is whipping. This is why I hate convertibles.

They get to the hotel, and are met with welcome mojitos. Braunwyn says everyone has their own room. They can freshen up, and then she’s taking them to her favorite club. Vicki sees the flowers and champagne, and says, fancy. She opens the card, and it says, congratulations on your engagement – welcome to Miami. She calls Steve, and tells him about the card. She pops the champagne, scaring herself. Sean tells Braunwyn, so far, so good. There’s magic in the Miami air. Tamra and Shannon check out the terrace, and Tamra says, don’t let Kelly out on the balcony, or stand too close. You never know who could get pushed off. Kelly calls Brian, and says they’re clubbing it up tonight. Emily tells Gina the room is very Miami, and wonders if she should move there. Vicki goes to Braunwyn’s room to thank her, saying it was super cool. Braunwyn hopes they get it right this time. In Vicki’s interview, she says she’d like to start fresh. She and Braunwyn have nothing in common, but if she gets presents, she’ll take it.

They women meet in the lobby. In Kelly’s interview, she refers to Shannon, saying, women over fifty don’t need to be wearing extensions. It looks ridiculous. They go to the Club Eleven, which Braunwyn says is a strip club. Well, there are strippers, but I wouldn’t consider this a strip club. They drink, take selfies, and dance. Gina is liking Miami. They make it rain for the strippers, and in Emily’s interview, she says she likes to further education for women. You make that money. You pay that tuition. Tamra dances on a ledge, and Vicki says, it’s Tequila Tamra, telling her to get down. In Kelly’s interview, she says Tamra still thinks she’s twenty. Have some decorum, at least for your grandchildren. Kelly asks Shannon why she’s mad at her, and Shannon says she can’t hear over the music. In Shannon’s interview, she says, it’s classic Kelly. She starts sh*t, then wonders what’s going on. She’s not having this conversation right now. On the way to the taxi, Shannon says she doesn’t go to the club, but tonight she went to the club. Some of them put on hats from the club. Kelly says she’s all about change, but Gina should get rid of the blonde. She tells Shannon that she needs to cut her hair; it looks like sh*t. Shannon asks if she can’t be nice for a second. She was trying to be different because they’re in Miami, but she’s glad Kelly told her that she looks like sh*t. Kelly says sorry if Shannon is offended. She was just trying to make her look better. She’s like sixty, and has to cut it short. Geez. I wasn’t crazy about it either, but that’s a pretty ageist and across-the-board remark.

The next morning, Braunwyn is saying goodbye to Sean. Gina calls, and says she and the others are by the pool, talking sh*t about them. Get down there. Sean tells Braunwyn, she’s on her own, and she’ll be fine. She says she misses him already. She’s going over to Shannon’s room once he leaves.

Shannon tells Braunwyn that Kelly said her hair looked like sh*t. Braunwyn says she thinks Kelly meant it as constructive criticism. Shannon says a lot people thought she looked cute. She doesn’t give a f*** what Kelly thinks. At the pool, Gina say she had fun with Kelly, and thinks she has a good heart. Tamra says, Kelly is mean. Gina says she thinks it has something to do with Kelly’s childhood, and Tamra says that’s why she kept sticking up for Kelly, but when it doesn’t stop and you’re in your forties, you can’t fix it. There need to be boundaries. Braunwyn joins them, and says Shannon isn’t happy about Kelly’s comment that her hair looked like sh*t.

Gina goes to the bar, where Kelly is sitting, and asks what she’s doing. Kelly says, working, and Gina sits down. The bartender asks what she’d like, and she says, a good time. Braunwyn tells Kelly that she wants her to be included. She feels bad, since she begged Kelly to come on the trip. In her interview, Braunwyn says she wants everyone to get along. She wants miracles. Braunwyn tells Shannon that she and Kelly have a friendship; they should talk. Shannon says she didn’t do anything, and Braunwyn tells Kelly that her talking to Jim hurt Shannon. We see a clip of Shannon saying that what Kelly did is financially devastating to her and Tamra. I wish they’d explain this better. I doubt anything Kelly said caused Jim to appeal. He seems like a sore loser, and if he’s using her tweets as the basis, he would have just found something else. Kelly says she didn’t do anything wrong. In Kelly’s interview, she says the case against Shannon was dismissed. She’s just looking for a way to be mad at Kelly because Tamra is mad at her. Braunwyn calls Shannon over, and says she’s upset because of the Jim thing. Kelly says she didn’t say anything, and Shannon says Kelly immersed herself in the case. Kelly says she was backed against a wall. People need to shut up. Shannon says it has nothing to do with her. Tamra says it has to do with her, and Kelly repeats that she was backed against a wall. Tamra brought up the train, and said she’d broke someone’s hand. She said it to Shannon. Tamra also said she threw her mom down the stairs. Tamra says, Vicki said that, and screeches that she was sticking up for Kelly. What doesn’t she get? Kelly says, Tamra was repeating what was said. Shannon says they have real live sh*t going on, and Kelly says, don’t talk about her. People who tell lies, get sued. Tamra walks away, and Braunwyn sits down. Tamra says, Kelly is dirty AF. Shannon says this is why they don’t want to talk to Kelly. Tamra tells Kelly to s*ck d*ck for money, since that’s what she does best. Because Tamra wants another lawsuit on her hands. These women are getting so tiresome. They’re making Beverly Hills look good.

Next time, Key West, Kelly feels stupid for taking the bait again, and Gina finds out Vicki contacted the woman Kelly got in a fight with. Kelly says Michael has a lot of dirt that could implode Vicki’s engagement.

👂 Repeating a Rumor Is Just As Bad…

But how about listening to it in the first place?

https://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/kelly-dodd-says-she-never-pushed-her-mom-down-the-stairs?cid=soc_tw_Bravo_RHOC_Dish

💍 She Finally Did It…

Congratulations, Tinsley! I hope it sticks this time.

https://www.eonline.com/news/1086435/real-housewives-of-new-york-s-tinsley-mortimer-is-engaged-to-scott-kluth

🍗 Almost Here…

The four-day weekend.