What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Violet has her eyes covered, and asks if she can look now. Aiden tells her, go for it, and she opens her mouth in surprise. Aiden asks what she thinks, when Finn walks in with a grocery bag, baguettes sticking out of it. Violet says, look what Aunt Elizabeth brought them. Hot house presents. Elizabeth says, otherwise known as housewarming gifts, and Violet goes to the couch, saying, aren’t they pretty? Finn says, they are. He didn’t even know they needed decorative pillows. Elizabeth says, they’re not decorative pillows; they’re floor pillows. They can toss them on the floor when they’re watching movies. Violet says, and eat popcorn, and she thanks Elizabeth. Finn thanks her too, and says, what would he do without her?

Spencer and Esme walk into Kelly’s, and Esme tells him to cheer up. At least his step-grandfather paid his bail. He says, why does everything have to come with a condition? and she says, is what Doc is asking really that bad? He’s no longer in jail. He’s free to have a cup of coffee and the pastry of his choice. He asks how he’s free when Doc is making him get a job? Oh horrors.

Austin opens his office door to Ned, and says he thought he’d seen the last of the Quartermaines when he signed away his father’s claim to ELQ. Ned says, for what it’s worth (🍷), he thinks Austin made the right choice. He’s much better off practicing medicine than getting embroiled in corporate infighting. Austin says he’s not practicing medicine, because the ethics committee has yet to review Brook’s retraction. He doesn’t know what Ned is doing there, but he’s not going back to Pawtuck once the suspension is lifted. Ned says, actually, he came there for a more important reason.

Brook runs into the MetroCourt, and tells Chase, sorry she’s late. She had a meeting at Deception. He says, no biggie. He’s surprised she wanted to get a drink. She says, they’re celebrating Austin dropping his claim on ELQ, and he asks, what made Austin change his mind?

Gladys puts on the recording from her phone to type the Deception meeting notes. She hears Brook say she dreads the day Valentin finds out Bailey isn’t his daughter, and laughs. She picks up the phone, and kisses it.

On the phone with Brando, walking into the Port Charles Grill, Sasha says, the meeting was not without drama. She had to have a chat with Gladys about Brook. Gladys doesn’t think Brook is as maternal as she should be. She can only imagine what’s in store for them when their baby is born. Since the meeting is over, does he feel like meeting for dinner?… All right. She’ll see him later. She goes inside the restaurant, and Willow comes in behind her. Sasha asks if she’s meeting Michael, but Willow says, no. She’s taking a break. Sasha says, from the Quartermaines, the Corinthoses, or both? and Willow says, actually, from Michael.

On the phone with Sheridan, Michael says, Miss Reeves waived extradition, and she’s on her way to Pennsylvania. She’ll be all his soon. He’s arranged for the money to be transferred to Sheridan’s campaign fund. Good luck on his run for State Attorney General. Carly and Sonny walk in, and Michael says, he thinks prosecuting Nina Reeves is the high profile case Sheridan needs to bump him up in the polls. I’m going to say it again, how wise is this whole thing, when Sonny is head of a mob family? Is no one going to notice? Sonny asks if everything is okay, and Michael says, it couldn’t be better. Carly says, it’s big news, Nina being arrested, and Michael says, someone had to.

Sonny asks if that was about Wiley, and Michael says, if Nina’s contact with Wiley is limited because of her legal status, that’s a collateral benefit. But he brought the case to DA Sheridan’s attention because Nina’s actions were criminal, and she deserves to face legal consequences. Carly says she couldn’t agree more, and Michael says, he just hopes DA Sheridan can get justice for Avery and Donna. Two little girls who thought their father was dead are so confused, they think their Grandpa Mike is going to come back to them the same way Sonny did. Justice for Dante, Kristina and Josslyn, and for Carly, for Jason and anybody who mourned Sonny. For everyone’s lives who were upended because Nina took Sonny from them. Sonny says, Nina is obviously a very troubled woman, and she’s sorry for her actions, but Michael says, it’s an act, trust him. Right after Sonny returned, she pulled a stunt that reminded him so much of Nelle, his blood ran cold. (Exaggerate much, Michael?) He says he gave Nina chance after chance, and she betrayed his trust, so yes. He brought Nina’s actions in Nixon Falls to the attention of somebody who’s in a position to do something about it.

Willow and Sasha sit down, and Sasha asks, what’s going on with Willow and Michael? She thought they were solid. Willow says, so did she, but Sasha doesn’t need to be burdened with her problems. She has a job and a baby to deal with, besides, she shouldn’t talk about Michael behind his back. Sasha says she completely understands. She’ll just ask one more question, then Willow can tell her to shut up. Does this thing between her and Michael have anything to do with Nina’s arrest? Willow says, she heard? and Sasha says, the Port Charles Press sent out a notification. She can’t say it comes as a surprise, considering how much grief Nina caused Sonny’s family. Willow says, it’s less the arrest that troubles her, than the fact Michael was behind it, and Sasha says, that does not sound like Michael. Willow says she knows, and Sasha asks if Willow agrees with Michael’s decision. Willow says she doesn’t know. She gets why Michael did it, but he completely blindsided her.

Brook tells Chase, Austin’s circumstances changed. He realized he was better off dropping the lawsuit against her family. He asks, how exactly did his circumstances change? and she says, remember how he told her to engage Austin in conversation? Hear him out about the Leo thing? He says, of course (🍷). Was she actually listening to him? She says, shocking, she knows, but Austin ended up blabbing his diagnosis about Leo. He says, being on the autism spectrum, and she says, yep, which is none of her business, right? Austin violated HIPPA laws, and now his medical license is suspended. Chase says, and that somehow led him dropping his claim to ELQ how exactly?

Ned asks if they can sit, and Austin asks if it’s going to take that long. Ned says, that depends. He’s there to talk to Austin about Leo. Austin says, right. Leo. That sweet boy that everybody pretends to care about, but he’s really just a pawn in Ned’s family’s game. Ned says, Leo is not a pawn to him, and Austin says, he is to Ned’s daughter. Ned says, he knows Brook coerced Austin into admitting Leo might be on the autism spectrum, and Austin says, he almost lost his medical license because of her. Ned says he knows and he’s sorry. Brook can be single-minded when it comes to fighting for something she wants. Austin says he learned that the hard way, and Ned says, and his wife can be single-minded when it comes to her son, as Austin noticed. So he wants to ask Austin, as a doctor, can he give any suggestions to get her to see how they see Leo? How he can get her to move beyond her denial, so they can help Leo?

Esme asks Spencer, what’s the matter? and he says, things don’t taste as good when you have to worry about how to pay for them. She says, getting a job can’t really be that bad. He can do anything he puts his mind to. Remember when they sneaked out of school to attend Fashion Week in Paris? He says, it was her idea not his, and she says, he met all those designers, chatted them up, and the designers gave them a backstage tour. He says, the Cassadine name impresses, and she says, with that name and his contacts, he could pitch Crimson on covering menswear. He says, it’s a women’s magazine, and she says, idea number two. He speaks fluid French, and a couple of other languages; he could be a maître d’ at the MetroCourt. The international clientele would be very impressed. He says, Carly won’t. She wouldn’t even let Britt put them up in her hotel room, remember? She says, okay, idea number three. Give riding lessons to the offspring of the rich and famous, like Charlotte Cassadine. He says, Valentin loathes him already. He’ll be thrilled to entrust his daughter to someone awaiting trial for stalking. She says, okay, fine. She gives up. What sort of job does he think he can get?

Violet runs in, and asks Elizabeth, what’s in the box in the kitchen? Elizabeth suggests they unpack it and find out, and Violet runs back to the kitchen with Aiden. Finn asks if he dares ask, and she says, it’s just kitchen utensils. You know, for cooking at home. He says, people cook in their homes? and she says he’d be surprised. Aiden is upgrading his cooking stuff all the time, so she just brought him the duplicates. Finn thanks her, and Violet comes back in, saying, look what she found in the box. Finn asks what it is, and Aiden says, it’s a cherry pitter, for taking the pits out of cherries. Elizabeth says, if they want to make a fresh cherry pie, and Violet says she does. Aiden says, trust him. Fresh cherries are way better than canned, and Violet asks when they can make one. Finn says, as soon as Aiden gives them his recipe… and helps them make it. Violet says, let’s go see what’s in the rest of the box, and Aiden says, before they do that, he has a surprise for her. She says, another surprise?

Aiden says he and his brothers went through a bunch of photos of their family. He thought Violet would like them to remind her how crazy her cousins are about her. They look through the photos, and Finn thanks Elizabeth for the cherry picker. She says, it’s a pitter, and she brought him some pots and pans. He says they’re going to need those. He went to this place called… the supermarket, and bought actual groceries. Why don’t she and Aiden stay for dinner? Chase is coming over, and she can invite Jake and Cameron. She says, Jake has a class and Cameron is working tonight, and he suggests just the four of them then. It can be a camping trip reunion without the plunge into the icy stream. She says, or Scotty, falling from the sky, and he says he thinks they’re safe there. She says she accepts, and Violet asks if it’s Aiden in a picture. He says that’s his mom when she was little. Violet asks who the man is next to her, and Aiden says he’s not sure. Elizabeth looks over their shoulders at the picture, and looks worried.

Gladys says, online shopping is so convenient. Should she get the brown boots, or the black… or the red? Those are gorgeous. She’ll get the black and the red, and bill the charges to Brook at Deception.

Brook says, if Chase must know, she gave Austin a choice. He could either drop the lawsuit against her family, or kiss his medical career goodbye. He says, so her righteous indignation about Austin revealing confidential medical information wasn’t so righteous at all. He lifts his glass and says, nice one. She says, of course (🍷) it was. Two things can be true at once. She can care about Leo, and use Austin’s arrogant violation of HIPPA rules to her advantage. He says, he just remembers her bringing up medical privacy law, and he told her to go and talk to Austin anyway. Is that where she got the idea to maneuver Austin into betraying medical confidentiality?

Austin says, Ned wants his help with Leo, and Ned says he’s sorry for laying this on Austin, especially after Brook boxed him into a corner. Austin says, she certainly did; he had to choose between his medical career and his father’s birthright. Ned says he wouldn’t be there if he didn’t feel boxed in himself. He can’t turn to Monica, because she’ll go directly to Olivia, and he has to do whatever needs to be done to get Leo the help he needs. Austin says he can’t confirm to Ned whether Leo has autism or not; that’s for the specialist to decide. Ned says, Olivia refuses to take him to see one, and Austin says, she’s not the first mother to react that way. Ned asks how he gets through to her, and Austin says he doesn’t know what Ned is doing there. He doesn’t need the opinion of another medical expert. He needs a marriage counselor.

Willow tells Sasha, she walked in on Michael meeting with the DA of Lantano County, Pennsylvania. He wants to run for State Attorney General, and Michael donated money to his campaign. Sasha says, and in return, the DA agreed to prosecute Nina, and Willow says, but Michael promised her that he wouldn’t make any decisions about Nina in regard to Wiley until they’d talked it over first. When she pointed that out, he claimed that having Nina arrested was a legal matter, and didn’t involve Wiley. Sasha says, it seems like Michael is splitting hairs, and Willow says, doesn’t it? If Nina is convicted for lying about Sonny, she goes to prison, which is a perfect way to keep her from Wiley.

Michael says he’s aware Sonny already knows this, but Nina was able to get in one last visit with Wiley by just showing up at the house, and acting like nothing had happened. Sonny says, there’s no question that Nina took advantage of Michael, and the family, and Michael says, unfortunately, Nina has legal rights as Wiley’s biological grandparent, and Carly says, keeping Wiley protected is the most important thing here. Michael says, and keeping Wiley protected doesn’t have to mean letting Nina off the hook. Nina’s lies kept Sonny away from his family and his life for months; that has to be illegal. DA Sheridan thinks he can make a case for identity fraud. Carly agrees, saying, she had it out with Nina big time, and Michael says she had one angry confrontation, when she had every right to take it a step further. She should have gone to the authorities and had Nina prosecuted. Honestly, he’s surprised he got there before they did.

Esme tells Spencer, forget the last eight ideas. The truth is, getting a job is really about who you know. He says, and who still likes you. She says there has to someone in Port Charles willing to cut him a break, and he says, Britt Westbourne. She’s Co-Chief of Staff at General Hospital. Maybe she can hire him as her assistant. Esme says, there you go. Give her a call. He says, no offense, but that’s probably something best done in private, and she says, go for it. He steps outside, and Cameron comes out. Esme says, hey, and thanks him for not turning his back on Spence, when he offered to speak to his grandfather about defending him. Cameron says he’s sorry Scotty laughed at her, and she says, Spence has quite the reputation in Port Charles. He says, kind of deserved, doesn’t she think?

Ned tells Austin, all he’s asking for is some doctor’s advice on how to talk to Olivia. He thought Austin cared about Leo. Austin says he does care about Leo, but Olivia wasn’t listening to him, and Brook was threatening his medical license. Ned doesn’t get to come there with his hat in his hand, when Ned didn’t lift a finger to help him. Austin opens the door, and Ned says he didn’t encourage Brook, or conspire with her to get Austin to sign away his claim, but he won’t deny that businesswise, it works out in his favor. Austin asks if he’s supposed to applaud Ned for just being honest, and Ned says he doesn’t blame Austin for being angry, but the truth is they’re both on the same side. They both want what’s best for Leo. Can’t they make peace for Leo’s sake?

Brook tells Chase, Austin is a doctor. He knows perfectly well he’s not supposed to share patient information, unless he gets permission from said patient. If he’s too arrogant to keep his theory to himself, then he assumes the risk, and has to face the consequences. Chase says, the point is, she manipulated Austin into saying something he shouldn’t, right after she brought up HIPPA restrictions to him. She asks why he even cares. It’s not like he’s a fan of Austin’s. He says, because Austin is a doctor, and he was worried about a patient, and she took advantage. She says, that was harsh. Will it make him feel any better if she said she did it for her dad? He says, Ned can take care of himself; he doesn’t need her help. He knows she’s feeling guilty about Valentin getting her shares of ELQ, but he thinks her dad’s forgiven her. When is she going to forgive herself? She says, it’s not like she hasn’t heard that one before, but it’s all good now. She’s retracting her claim that Austin violated HIPPA, and he can go back to practicing medicine again. He says, she gave Austin a choice; his medical license or his claim to ELQ. He chose his medical license. Doesn’t that tell her that his heart’s in the right place where Leo is concerned? She says she thinks it shows he was backed into a corner, and he chose the sure thing. He picked his medical career instead of waiting around to see if the court sided with him on his claim. Chase says, she’s not going to give this guy any credit, and she says, oh please. Austin Gatlin-Holt is far from a poor powerless country doctor. He basically declared war on her.

Violet asks if it’s Elizabeth’s daddy in the picture, and Elizabeth says, it is. Aiden says he’s sorry. The picture must have gotten mixed up with the other ones. Violet asks if he isn’t her mommy’s daddy too. She told him that his name is Grandpa Jeff. Elizabeth says, her mommy was right, and Violet says she knows Grandpa Gregory; how come she doesn’t know Grandpa Jeff? Aiden says he and his brothers don’t spend any time with Grandpa Jeff either. He lives really far away. Violet asks Finn if they can go see him, but Elizabeth says, he’s a really busy man. Violet says, too busy to meet her? Why can’t she meet her grandpa?

Carly says Michael is right; she should have done something. She’s stayed up nights, thinking of ways to get back at Nina. He says, she didn’t come up with anything? and she says, she came up with a million things, and then she reconsidered. Michael asks, why? and Sonny says, because he asked her to.

Sasha says, sure sounds like Michael went full-on Quartermaine, and Willow says, and Corinthos. Sasha says, obviously, what Nina did to his family hit him hard, and Willow says she understands that. What she doesn’t understand is why Michael shut her out. They had what she thought was a good talk about the situation. They agreed Nina was in the wrong, but for Wiley’s sake, the best thing they could do is not trouble trouble. Nina hasn’t tried to see Wiley since the truth came out, so why provoke her? Michael agreed, and even thanked her for her insight. Then he turned around and got DA Sheridan to have Nina arrested, without even asking to hear her thoughts on the matter.  

Michael asks, why? and Sonny says he thought it was enough that Nina understood to stay away from him and his family. Michael says, and Wiley? and Sonny tells him, Nina knows it’s Michael’s decision, and he’s with Michael whatever decision he makes. Michael asks if Sonny has a problem with him reaching out to DA Sheridan, and Sonny says, actually, he does.

Sasha says, Michael loves Willow. She knows how much he was hurting when Willow married Chase. Willow says she doesn’t doubt Michael’s love, but for the first time, she feels like he hid something from her. He went behind her back. He led her to believe one thing, while he was doing something else. Sasha says, maybe he can’t fight his upbringing. He is, after all, a Quartermaine and a Corinthos. Willow says, and they’ve seen how his two families deal with people who get in the way. Sasha says, in Michael’s mind, he was only doing what he was taught to do; deal with the problems by any means necessary. Willow says, it’s not what Michael did; it’s that he left her out. He never shared what was on his mind with her. He treated Nina like a problem he could handle. Sasha says she doesn’t blame Willow for feeling hurt, but she guesses Michael didn’t intend to exclude her. In fact, he probably thought going after Nina legally, rather than in family court, was honoring Willow’s wishes. Willow says, that’s what he said, but that’s not how she sees it. Sasha tells her, then say that to him. Tell him how she feels. It’s the best way to work this out.

Carly tells Michael, she agrees with him about Nina, but his dad convinced her that his homecoming shouldn’t be about anger and resentment. Sonny’s back, and they missed him, but they all get to be together, and that’s what’s important. Sonny says, he was downplaying any payback with Nina, because he didn’t want to make this a bigger deal than it is. He wants to forget about it (fuhgeddaboudit pops into my head). Michael says, he can do that right now. DA Sheridan is moving forward with the case against Nina. If she’s convicted, none of them have to worry about bumping into her in Port Charles, especially Wiley. Am I wrong? Wouldn’t Sonny have to be a part of this trial?

Ned says, isn’t Leo’s welfare the most important consideration? but Austin says, Brook didn’t think so. Brook has no soul. She’s like the rest of you Quartermaines, with the possible exception of Monica. Although Monica married into the family, so, thank goodness for Monica, she doesn’t have to share their DNA. Ned says, Brook has a soul, and she also cares deeply for her family. Last year, she made a huge error in judgement, and she’s determined to do everything she can to make up for it. To make it up to him and the rest of the family. Austin says, that doesn’t make what she did to him any less ugly. He loves being a doctor. It’s probably the best thing about him. He wants to help people, and Brook took that and twisted it, using it against him. She weaponized it, and he will not forgive her for that, and he will not forget.

Chase asks if Austin really declared war, or is Brook exaggerating just a little bit. She says, you tell me. After Austin signed the document, giving up his rights to ELQ, he told her this was far from over. It was just the beginning. The guy wants payback. He says, if Austin does try anything, let him know. He’s still a detective, even though he’s chained to a desk for the foreseeable future. She says, he’ll still help her? Even though she may have crossed the line? He says he understands going to extremes, and he’s always willing to help out a friend. She thanks him, and he says, his pleasure. He kisses her cheek, and leaves. Brook looks at her phone, and says, Wyndham’s? She didn’t buy anything. She scrolls, and says, whoa…

Violet says, maybe Grandpa Jeff can talk to her about her mommy, and Elizabeth says, Grandpa Jeff is a doctor like her daddy. He travels all over the world, helping people. She supposes those people need him more than they do. Aiden guesses that’s why they don’t get to see him, and suggests he and Violet unpack the rest of the box. Violet asks if there will be stuff to make brownies, and he says he’ll show her. They go to the kitchen, and Elizabeth looks at the picture. Finn says, sorry Violet couldn’t let it go, but she says, it’s okay. She just wishes she had better answers for Violet. He asks why she doesn’t.

Sonny asks exactly how Michael reached out to the DA, and Michael says, he’s ambitious. He’s running for State Attorney General. Nina is editor-in-chief of a major publication; she’s a real estate heiress. Prosecuting her for any type of crime like identity fraud will generate headlines, and boost his profile. Sonny says so Michael just pointed him at some free publicity? and Michael says, the Quartermaines also made a substantial contribution to his campaign.

Spencer comes back, and Esme says, no luck with Britt? He says, she’s not answering her phone, and the hospital said she’s out of the country. Cameron is bussing a table, and Esme asks if Cameron knows where Spence can get a job. Cameron says, funny she should ask. He just got promoted to assistant manager, so they need a server to take his place. Spencer says, too bad he was arrested, and awaiting trial, but Spencer says, Kelly’s believes in giving second chances to offenders, even ones with no hospitality experience. Spencer thanks Cameron, but gives it a hard pass. Cameron says, that’s fine. Someone way better just applied anyway. He leaves, and Esme asks if Spencer thinks he has a choice.

Elizabeth says she and her dad haven’t been close for a long time, and Finn says, same with his dad and him. They got through it; maybe Elizabeth and her dad will as well. There’s a knock at the door, and Finn answers along with Violet. It’s Chase, bearing flowers, and Violet asks if they’re for her. He says, violets for his favorite violet. She thanks him, and Chase asks if Aiden is still making that seven-layer bar. Aiden tells him there’s some in the kitchen, and Chase says, score. He asks how Elizabeth is doing, and hopes they’re joining him and Finn for dinner. Elizabeth asks if they mind, and Chase says, not if she cooks it. Finn says, that’s hilarious. It’s mac and cheese; how hard can it be? Elizabeth says they’ll let Aiden take care of it, and Chase says he brought Finn a good luck charm, handing Finn a bag. Finn takes out an apron that says, Kiss the Cook, and Violet asks him to pick her up. She kisses him, and says she kissed the cook. He thanks her, and asks, who’s ready to eat? Violet says she is, and Aiden says he’s starving. Chase seconds that, and Finn asks everyone to come to the kitchen, saying, it’s all downhill from here. They leave, but Elizabeth stays behind, looking at the photo.  

Willow asks if Michael ever did anything like that to Sasha, and Sasha says, no, but they don’t share a child. They never went through what Willow and Michael did to protect Wiley from Nelle. Willow says, Sasha gave up her relationship with Michael so she and Michael could be together, and Sasha says, she and Chase did it for Wiley, and have no regrets. Everything worked out for the best. Willow asks how the baby is, and Sasha says, perfect, of course (🍷). She and Brando found their footing once he agreed not work for Carly and Jason. Willow says, so it’s smooth sailing, but Sasha says she wouldn’t go that far. They still have to deal with Brando’s mother.

Gladys approaches Brook, and says, you wanted to see me, boss? Brook says Gladys’s job description doesn’t include buying two pairs of Cartullo boots from Wyndham’s and charging them to the company. Gladys says, she has to look good, and Brook tells her to look good on her own dime. She’s paying back every single dollar, and she’s going to start by finishing the notes from the business meeting. Gladys says she doesn’t think so, and Brook says, excuse me? Gladys sits, at the bar, and says, It’s too late for that today, and tomorrow, she’s taking a mental health day. Brook asks if she’s trying to get fired, and Gladys says, go ahead and fire her, but then she’ll have to reveal Brook’s little secret. Brook says, what little secret? and Gladys says, actually, it’s not that little; it’s kind of major. She recorded it on her phone. Does Brook want to hear it?

Sonny asks, what if a connection is seen between Michael’s donation and Nina’s arrest? Carly says his donation could be seen as a bribe, but Michael says, campaign contributions are completely legal; he has his attorneys filing the appropriate paperwork. The fact is, Nina broke the law. She did it in Lantano County, and it’s up to DA Sheridan if he wants to prosecute. Did he set it in motion? Yes, but Sheridan is an experienced prosecutor, and he wouldn’t move forward with this case unless there was merit. Nina is the one who’s wrong here, not him. He walks off, and Sonny looks at Carly.

Sasha tells Willow, if she wasn’t pregnant, Gladys would have her diving headfirst into a bottle. Willow says, if Sasha wasn’t pregnant, Gladys wouldn’t even be in her life. Sasha says, true, but she wouldn’t trade this pregnancy for anything, despite Gladys being a class-A troublemaker. Willow says she and Carly have had their disagreements, especially about Nina, but fortunately for her, Carly is no Gladys. Sasha says, not even close. She’s not trying to rationalize what Michael, but she doesn’t think he meant to shut Willow out. Every couple argues. Willow says, even if they’re good together? and Sasha says, that’s what makes them so good. They both feel safe enough to disagree. Michael loves her with all his heart. What he did doesn’t change that, and Sasha hopes it doesn’t change Willow’s love for him. Willow says, of course (🍷) not, and Sasha says they’ll work this out, and be stronger for having overcome it. She leaves, and I think, they both went in a restaurant, and neither one had lunch.

Elizabeth sits on the couch looking at the photo, and Finn asks if she’s coming. Chase says, Finn doesn’t know how to turn the stove on, and Finn says, Chase can’t turn it on either. Chase says, it’s one of those European models that only made sense if you’re a Swede, and Aiden says, he’s right; it’s weird. Finn says they need her, before Chase blows them all up; he’s got a match. Elizabeth says she’ll be right there. She tears up the picture, and puts the pieces in her pocket.

Spencer tells Cameron, he’s done some thinking, and he’d really like to take the job, but Cameron says, he already told Spencer, they’re giving someone the job who has actual qualifications. Spencer says Cameron wants him to grovel, doesn’t he? and Cameron says, big time. Spencer says he’s been a jerk, a snob, someone who thought he was better than the townies. The reality is, he’s a disinherited nobody, who’s desperate for a job, and will be eternally grateful if Cameron offers him one. Good enough? Cameron says, it’ll do. Spencer will have to sign some forms, but he doesn’t see why Spencer can’t start as soon as possible. Spencer thanks him, and says, he’ll need someone to train him. Cameron says, that would be him. The thing Spencer needs to know about this job is, Kelly’s is a friendly place. The job starts with a smile, and then you say, welcome to Kelly’s. My name is Spencer, and I’ll be your server today. Give it a shot. Spencer takes a deep breath, and repeats it, and Cameron says, excellent.    

Austin says Ned is trying to convince him that everything Brook did, she did because Ned is her father, and yet he refuses to accept, he can’t understand, everything Austin is doing – everything he was doing – he was doing for his father. Ned’s hypocrisy is mind-blowing. Ned tells Austin, what can he say, except Austin is right? The Quartermaines fight ferociously to protect our own, and there’s no room for integrity when it comes to keeping the family safe. Austin says, that’s where he and Ned are just not on the same page. His father left this world with his integrity intact. He writes something on a pad, and says, he plans on doing the same. He hands the paper to Ned, who asks, what’s this? Austin says, it’s the number of a specialist that can help him with Leo. Share it with Olivia, don’t share it with Olivia; he doesn’t care, just leave him out of it. Ned says he appreciates the name, but he can’t make an appointment without Olivia’s consent; Austin knows that. Austin says, then Ned has a beautiful challenge ahead of him, but it’s no big thing. It’s only Leo’s entire future that’s at stake. He really does hope Ned understands how utterly important it is that he convince Olivia to do the right thing for her son.

Brook asks what Gladys wants her to hear on her phone, and Gladys takes her phone out, saying, something about Brook telling Maxie that Valentin isn’t really her baby’s daddy. Brook says, liar. She never said such a thing. Gladys plays the recording, and Brook hears herself saying, she dreads the day Valentin finds out Bailey’s not his daughter.

Tomorrow, Willow says she thought she was Michael’s family too, Portia asks Marshall where he read that, Nikolas tells Alexis to think long and hard before going any further, Nina tells Jax to stop trying to save her, and Ava says she doesn’t have to share anything with Carly.

Vanderpump Rules

Bringing you up to speed, last week, Sandoval pitched a baby fit about Katie wanting to be involved with the new bar, because she yelled at him at Stassi’s book signing, nearly ten years ago.

James asked how Raquel felt about hanging out with Lala one-on-one, and she said she was always concerned, since Lala was unpredictable. In James’s interview, he said, Lala had picked on Raquel because she was an easy target. She was beautiful, sweet, and his girlfriend.

Katie said Sandoval had lost his mind, and Schwartz said he was like a broken record. Meanwhile, Tom whined to Ariana that no one knew what Katie had done to him. He needed confidence, and didn’t feel Ariana was supportive at dinner last night. Ariana said, it wasn’t about the book signing, and Tom said, everyone else was over it, but he wasn’t. Katie told Schwartz that if Sandoval didn’t want her involved, he should say it, not go back to something that happened a million years ago. He was screaming at her, talking about how she’d been screaming at him. In Katie’s interview, she said, it was really about her making him admit he was wrong, and that was like death. Ariana told Sandoval that she’d had a night planned with Katie and Schwartz, and he’d messed it up. They were coming over to test cocktails, and now that wasn’t important to him. Katie and Schwartz talked about going to the fertility doctor, and in her interview, Katie told us about how she had been pregnant about ten years ago. It was early in their relationship, and she wanted to have kids, but the timing was bad. In Schwartz’s interview, he said he had less than $300 in his bank account. If Katie had wanted it, he would have manned up, and done his best to work it out. He wasn’t 100% about a lot of things in life, but he was 100% sure he’d be a good dad.    

In Lala’s interview, she said she never thought James and Raquel would last. James was a hot mess. We flashed back over James and Raquel’s relationship, and Lala said she had been placing the blame on Raquel for her and James’s relationship going south. She needed someone to blame, but if it hadn’t been for Raquel, she believed James would be in a dark place now. In Raquel’s interview, she said she was always antsy around Lala, and Lala smelled fear like a shark. She wasn’t giving Lala the satisfaction. In Ariana’s interview, she said she’d wanted to do a cocktail subscription box, and after their book, Fancy AF, came out, everyone was in lockdown making cocktails. She wanted to test the cocktails to see if her instructions sucked. Scheana, Brock, and Schwartz came over to do the testing, and Schwartz told Scheana and Brock about Sandoval’s freak out. Sandoval said the experience had been traumatic, and he had major PTSD because of the public humiliation. I have no words. Schwarz told him that he wasn’t the victim in that moment, and suggested he see a therapist. Score one for Schwartz. It’s about time he said something to that ninny. Sandoval said he didn’t like Schwartz’s energy when he was around Katie. Schwartz told him to go burn some sage. Not really, but he said Sandoval was condescending, and if he wanted Katie to train the staff, he was going to do it. Sandoval moaned, then he’d just have to live with it? In Sandoval’s interview, he said he’d fought against it, but realized it wasn’t going away. Everyone had supplies in front of them, and made the cocktails per Ariana’s instructions. Scheana couldn’t figure out the jigger, but Brock was the only one who didn’t get it quite right. In his interview, he said he was good at cracking a can. Sandoval got sushi, and Brock told them about Lala questioning Scheana about his kids. In his interview, he said, don’t judge him if you don’t understand the situation.   

LVP spoke to Scheana, saying, she was thinking about inviting Scheana and Lala over for tea, along with their babies. Scheana suggested she invite all the girls, and in her interview, she said there was no way she wanted to be there with just Lala. She needed back-up, and couldn’t turn to Summer, since she didn’t speak yet. The Toms joined Lisa at the flower shop, where they chose blooms for TomTom. She asked if they’d worked out their finances yet, and Schwartz said his home equity loan had been denied. In his interview, he said that they had a lot of equity, but their mortgage was at a high rate. They needed to refinance, and do it over. He wanted to cry. Welcome to being a responsible grown-up. It makes me want to cry too. Sandoval said he had enough to cover Schwartz, who said he’d be on a power trip. In Sandoval’s interview, he said, technically, he would have controlling interest. Schwartz talked about his sperm getting tested, and in his interview, he said, he was pretty sure everything was fine, but what if he was destined to only be a fur father?

In James’s interview, he said, every bartender in town knew how to make a Pumptini for him, and now they knew how to make a Shirley Temple. All the couples gathered at The Belmont restaurant for dinner, and Brock apologized to Lala for his words at the baby playdate. He told her that he had one goal, and that was to take care of his family, including his kids. Lala said if someone tried to keep her from Ocean, as a mom, she’d come in guns blazing. He said she was in a different situation. His past had led to this. Scheana said she and Brock had discussed it, and it wasn’t Lala’s business. Brock said the children’s mom was keeping him from the family, and Lala said she wasn’t attacking him; she just wanted to understand the situation better. In her interview, she said she wasn’t worried about Scheana. If anything happened, Scheana would bounce back, but Brock had a tendency to leave the kids, as well as the woman. I don’t know if you can call something a tendency based on once. Raquel made a toast that included a bunch of dirty jokes, and it was a big hit. In her interview, she said, not to brag, but she was pretty sure she’d won the entire night.

While Schwartz and Katie were waiting at the fertility doctor, Schwartz imagined a baby Sandoval; late for everything and smelling like cigarettes. Katie was told she had a normal uterus, but Schwartz’s semen analysis showed morphology. The doctor explained that the sperm were like tadpoles, and the head was where the DNA was. You want normal shaped heads, and Schwartz was at 4%. She asked if he smoked, drank, did drugs, pot, or vape, and he said he smoked weed once a week, did mushrooms once in a while, and had 10 to 20 drinks a week. 😮 By no means am I judging, and I’m all for getting my drink on, but holy! She asked if he used hot tubs or saunas, and he said he took a lot of baths. She told him to cut his drinking down to four drinks a week, and no weed. As far as baths went, she explained, the testes were on the outside because they needed to be cooler.

In Lisa’s interview, she said, when someone you saw grow up had a baby, it was like, how did this happen? The girls arrived at Villa Rosa, and Lisa couldn’t believe Scheana was already putting hair extensions on the baby. I can’t say I’m all that surprised. Lisa had a gorgeous table outside set for tea, and said it was the first time she’d had them over where she wasn’t serving them alcohol. Meanwhile, at Katie and Schwartz’s, there was tons of fast food – wings, burgers, and such – and the guys gathered. In Brock’s interview, he said he didn’t want to destroy the American people, but their food isn’t the greatest. Schwartz gave him a taste of Cheez-Wiz and he pronounced it a six. Katie told the girls that it was all good news at the fertility doctor; she had a pristine uterus. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t how the doctor described it, but they clinked tea cups over it. Tom, on the other hand, told the guys that the majority of his sperm had misshaped heads, and he was told only four drinks a week. We saw that he’d already consumed four drinks in the last hour. Scheana talked about Brock, and Lala said she and Scheana were in a good place now. She wasn’t trying to attack Scheana or put her on the spot, but when they were at dinner, Brock pulled her aside, and talked about some pretty intense things. She asked if Scheana knew why Brock couldn’t see his kids; he had a domestic violence charge. In Lala’s interview, she said, Brock had pulled aside at Belmont, and said he’d been in a relationship, and they’d had a child. Things had gotten physical. Scheana insisted that Brock hadn’t done anything, but Lala said it took a lot for a court to forbid someone from seeing their kids, and there was a restraining order. Again, I have no clue what happened, but it might be different in another country. She keeps leaving out that factor. Lala said things were good now, but anything could happen. She wanted Scheana to be smart. It wasn’t about just her anymore. She had a child.

In Scheana’s interview, she said she knew it sounded terrible, but Lala was acting like it was new information. And it had nothing to do with why Brock wasn’t seeing his kids. Lala told Scheana not to be stupid, but Scheana said, something had happened a long time ago, and it wasn’t as extreme as Lala was making it out to be. Lala said Brock was also behind in child support, and Scheana said as soon as that was taken care of, Brock would have access to his kids. In Lisa’s interview, she said, Scheana always acted like everything was perfect. It was an interesting perception. Scheana said she knew Brock, and asked if they could get off the topic. Everyone seemed bummed, and Scheana texted Brock, asking why he told Lala; she’d been blindsided. Brock said he’d had enough of Lala, and Sandoval wondered why Lala was coming after him. Brock said he’d spoken to Lala about his past. She was a POS, and it was a low blow. In James’s interview, he said, Lala always keeps it real, and Brock shouldn’t have confided in her. He needed to put his thinking cap on. Outside, Brock told Schwartz that he hadn’t met Lisa yet, and now it was going to affect the way she saw him. He got weepy, and said he missed his kids. At the tea, Ariana stepped on the crickets by saying, she was glad they got everything out while they were there. Lisa asked if anyone wanted more tea. In the middle of a crisis, she’d make tea. 

Next time, poker night, the Toms look for another partner, and Lala gets into it with Sandoval about Brock.

❄️ A Little Salty…

What’s happening with the Salt Lake crowd.

🔒 Better Start Giving Some F***s…

She must be taking PR lessons from Erika Jayne.

⚾️ Sliding Into Home…

Tomorrow, join me for some soap and another chapter in the endless RHOBH Reunion. Until then, stay safe, stay undeterred, and stay not troubling trouble.