What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

At the penthouse, Sonny tells Avery that he thought she found the terms of his last offer acceptable, but she says, let’s review. He says, tonight, they open whatever he wants, then open whatever she wants, and then they open the rest tomorrow. Nina opens the door to Dante, and says, what a nice surprise. She invites him in, and Sonny asks if everything is okay. Dante says, yeah. Sorry. He just wondered if he could have a word with Sonny in private. Ava says, on Christmas Eve? and Dante says, it can’t wait.

Kristina leaves a message for Blaze, and says she hopes Blaze is enjoying the holidays with her family. She can’t wait to see Blaze when she gets back. Merry Christmas. TJ tells Alexis that Dr. Bilson (so it wasn’t Navarro) told them that they’d basically be starting over, beginning with an egg donor. Molly says, and they be at the bottom of the waitlist, and Alexis says, that doesn’t seem fair. Sam says, after everything they’ve been through, the last thing they should be doing is waiting any longer. Molly says she’s honestly not even thinking about them right now. What happens next lands on Kristina.

Sasha puts some presents under Maxie’s tree and says, Maxie’s outdone herself. Felicia says, Maxie’s always been great at decorating, and Maxie says she had to get a little creative this year because of the whole Deception situation. Fortunately, she’s no stranger to decorating on a budget. Sasha says she’s so sorry… when there’s a knock at the door, and Sasha asks if Maxie is expecting anyone else. Maxie says, it is Christmas Eve, and opens the door. Cody stumbles in, wearing a Santa hat, carrying a big, red bag, and saying, ho-ho-ho! He tells Sasha, hey.

Olivia says she feels so bad for Monica, and Brook says, she twisted her ankle, but it could have been so much worse. Tracy says she warned Monica, be careful on the driveway; it’s a sheet of ice. Did Monica listen to her? No. Brook says she’s sure Tracy was happy to tell Monica that she was right, and Tracy says, see? Brook gets her. Olivia says, oh my God, and Willow comes in wearing light-up reindeer antlers. She says, Wiley and Leo are so adorable. They absolutely love wearing these antlers. Olivia says, what’s not to love? and Tracy asks how long she plans on wearing those antlers. It’s one thing for children, but doesn’t she feel a little self-conscious being the only adult wearing those antlers? Lois comes in and tells Tracy, don’t you worry. She brought enough for everyone. Tracy says, of course (🍷) she did.

At the stables, Michael flashes back to Nina telling him that Ned knows she tipped off the SEC, and he wants information about Aurora to keep his silence. Ned comes in and asks what Michael has to say to him that he can only say in front of the horses, and Michael says he wants a truce. Ned says, this ought to be good, and Michael says, like it or not, they’re family. It’s Christmas and he wants to move on. So as a gesture of goodwill, he has a gift. He holds out a manila envelope, and Ned asks, what’s this? Michael says, everything Ned ever wanted.

Lois tells Tracy, come on. Loosen up. Enjoy the fun. Tracy says, what Lois calls fun, she calls torture, and Lois says, tell her something. Do those three ghosts still visit her every Christmas Eve, or did she finally scare them off? There are three children in this house trying to enjoy the holidays. Would it kill her to put on these antlers? Tracy says, those three children are inundated with gifts and treats. They will not notice her lack of headgear. Lois says, this is a gift. Just take it. Tracy says, Lois being here would be gift enough, except she already lives with a bridge and tunnel chick – Olivia and Lois gasp – and she doesn’t need another one. Brook says, all right, everybody, it’s Christmas. So before they say or do anything they can’t take back… Olivia says, they’re way past that, and Lois says, why doesn’t Tracy take these antlers and her attitude, and shove them where Santa’s reindeers are afraid to fly? Tracy says, why doesn’t Lois take the A train back to Bensonhurst? and Lois laughs.

Cody tells Maxie not to mistake this for Christmas spirit. He’s just trying to get in good with his new boss. Maxie says, he did, but prepare himself; her kids can be tough customers. He says he lives to be judged. He has Sasha’s present, wrapped and ready to go. He just didn’t know she’d be here tonight, so he’ll drop it off later. She says she can’t wait to see what he got her, and he says he hopes she likes it. He digs in the bag and says, one for you, giving a gift to Felicia. And he has one for Mac. Felicia thanks him and says, tell her, does he usually buy presents for his boss’s parents? He says, no, but she and Mac have been good to him. Where is Mac, by the way? She says, Argentina, and he says, since she’s not with him, it’s clearly not a vacation. She says, it’s more of a fact-finding mission. All very hush-hush. He says, that’s a shame, and Maxie says, it’s too quiet. That means the kids are up to something. (That goes for dogs as well.) Cody says, like what? and she says, yesterday, she caught James making a boobytrap to catch Santa, and Georgie, being the good sister she is, was teaching him how to camouflage it. So she’s going to check on them. If she’s not back in five minutes, send help. She leaves, and Spinelli comes in with several shopping bags. He says, greetings, and sees Cody. He asks what Cody is doing here.

Michael says he’s giving Ned the voting proxy on half of his ELQ shares. He had his lawyer draw up the agreement. Ned can have his check it out. Ned asks if there’s a catch or is this an out-and-out trap? and Michael says he knew Ned would never agree to a truce without a bribe, so there it is. Ned says he knows it hasn’t been that long since he recovered his memory, but he wasn’t born yesterday. Michael says he doesn’t understand. Doesn’t Ned want the proxy? Ned says he wants to know why Michael is doing Nina’s dirty work.

In the hallway, Dante says he guesses Sonny heard what happened at the docks, and Sonny says, there was a shooting, and Dante and Anna stopped the gunman. Does Dante want to tell him why it had to go down that way? Dante says, it was about Anna, and it was about Sonny.

Molly says, when Kristina offered to be their surrogate, they thought this was all going to happen within the year, but now… TJ says, realistically, it’s going to be another six months at least, just to get to the fertilization and implantation. Molly says, not to mention the pregnancy. This is going to take a lot longer than any of them thought. Kristina says, that’s okay. She understands and she’s still on board. Molly says, she has her LGBTQ+ center and everything that’s coming up with it, but Kristina says she’ll make it work. Molly says she appreciates Kristina’s devotion to this, but don’t decide until she’s thought about it. Kristina says she has thought about it, and Molly says she means really, really thought about it, because none of this has been easy or gone even remotely according to plan. TJ says, facing yet another setback after getting their hopes up… Molly says, they’re just not sure how much more heartbreak they can stand.

Sam asks Alexis, what’s with this brochure? Is she doing an article on skydiving or something? Alexis tries to take it, but Sam grabs it away. Alexis says, no, not exactly, and Sam says, it’s not a Christmas present, is it? Alexis says she would never encourage her daughters to do something so insanely dangerous as jumping out of a plane, and Sam pulls out a paper. She says, this is a liability waiver with Alexis’s name literally on it. Please explain. Alexis says she doesn’t think she can, and Sam says she can’t get Alexis to show up at Pilates, let alone sky diving. She can’t actually see Alexis jumping out of a plane, unless someone was pushing her. Alexis says, or dragging her, and Sam says, this doesn’t make any sense. Since when was she interested in going skydiving? Alexis says, never. And she doesn’t want to go now. Sam says, then what? and Alexis says she has to.

Ava says, is it just her, or have Sonny and Dante been out there a long time? and Nina asks why she’s worried. Ava says, they both know someone is trying to set her up for something. And now one of PCPD’s finest shows up on Sonny’s doorstep? Nina says, his son on Christmas Eve, and Ava says, trust her. Those two aren’t out there swapping eggnog recipes.

Sonny says, so this Brennan guy has ties with Pikeman? and Dante says, that’s why he’s here. The government is coming down pretty hard on Pikeman. If Sonny’s had any business dealings with them, he’s just letting Sonny know he might be getting a visit from the Feds. Sonny says, they’re not going to find anything, and Dante says, good. Sonny says, speaking of the Feds, what are they going to do about Brennan? Does Dante think he had anything to do with the shooting at the MetroCourt? Dante says, he denies it, and Sonny says, what a surprise, but Dante says, he might actually be telling the truth this time. He’s the director of the WSB. He’s going to hire a shooter with a gun that can be traced back to his own organization? If the shooter wasn’t working for Brennan or Cyrus Renault… Sonny says, whoever was targeting him and Anna is still out there.

Lois says, the A train doesn’t even go to Bensonhurst, and Tracy says, don’t care. Lois says, well, there’s a whole lot of bridge and tunnel people trying to get into the city who care a whole lot. Not that it should matter to Tracy. Tracy says, she’s right; it doesn’t. Lois asks if Tracy has any idea how long it takes to get from Bensonhurst to JFK? and Olivia says, it’s not that far as the crow flies, but the train… Lois says, it’s a nightmare. You either gotta take a cab or you gotta take a Ride Share, but if you’re gonna take the train, it’s gotta be the D. Tracy says she’s never going to need this information, and Olivia says, you could take the N or the R. Lois says, what? The Never and the Really? Olivia has been out of Brooklyn way too long. (I laugh at the N/R joke because it’s true.) Oliva says she’s not claiming it’s as efficient. She’s just saying it’s possible. Lois says, no. You cannot take the R because it terminates in Bay Ridge. Olivia says, Lois is right. Maybe she has been away too long. Tracy says, maybe it’s time to move back, and Brook says, couldn’t you take the F and transfer to the bus? Olivia and Lois both say, the bus??? and Brook says, oops. (I laugh about this too. I tool the bus once to get across town. I could have walked faster. Never again.) Lois and Olivia laugh, and Brook asks if Willow doesn’t need some help with her kids. Please tell her that she needs help with the kids. Olivia and Lois continue to chatter, and Willow says, actually, she was just wondering how long this is going to go on for. Brook says, the 12 days of Christmas, right? and Willow says, in that case, she’s going to have to sneak out with Michael. They’re spending Christmas Eve at Sonny’s. Brook says, go. She loves her. Willow dashes out, and Tracy says, stop. They win; both of them. Lois asks if there was a prize attached that they were unaware of, and Tracy says, this endless digression about transportation to the outer boroughs. They were doing it to badger her into submission. They succeeded. Give her the damn antlers. She snatches them from Lois, and says, okay – she puts them on her head – she’s conformed. Now that she has, she has one request please. That they have a civil, peaceful, tasteful Christmas. Is that too much to… She hears the door and turns around. Yuri is there pushing Monica in a wheelchair. Lois and Olivia are obviously happy, as am I.

Tracy says, given that Monica is recuperating from an injury, doesn’t she think it would be a good idea if Lois found other accommodations, so she can have a peaceful home while she’s convalescing? Monica says she likes a full house, and Tracy says, well, there’s full and overflowing. Brook says she doesn’t know if Tracy has noticed, but there are lots of bedrooms in this house, for family and guests, and Monica says, if Tracy does find this house too crowded for her, she can spend the Christmas season elsewhere. Lois, on the other hand, can stay as long as she likes. Lois smiles and adjusts her antlers.

Felicia asks, what’s Spinelli’s problem with Cody? and Cody says, he and Spinelli got off on the wrong foot. Spinelli says, that is a heinous simplification, and Cody says he doesn’t want to get into it, because frankly, he’s not proud of it. Let’s just say that when he came to town, he wasn’t the nicest person to Spinelli. He tells Spinelli, but honestly, he thought they worked through all this. Spinelli asks, what instilled that delusion? and Cody says, when they teamed up to help Sasha. Spinelli says he was pleased to provide assistance to Sasha, and Sasha says, and she appreciated it. Obviously, so does Cody. Cody says he really does, and Spinelli says, then he’s sure Cody can agree, Christmas Eve is for family. Cody says, absolutely, and Spinelli says his family’s here. Cody says, and he’s not a part of it. He’ll see himself out. Felicia says, that’s not necessary, but Cody says, he really just stopped by for a minute, and drop off presents and go. Sasha asks, what are his Christmas Eve plans? and he says, the Qs have invited him to join them, and he’s probably going to be late if he doesn’t get a move on. So merry Christmas everybody, and that goes for Spinelli too. He leaves, and Sasha says she realizes she and Spinelli don’t know each other that well, but he was completely out of line just now.

Molly says she loves that Kristina wants to commit to this, but it’s a complicated process, with a lot of steps and a lot of waiting in between. They can’t even say when they’ll settle on an egg donor. Scout asks Molly to play a game with her, and Molly says, sure. She leaves with Scout, and Kristina tells TJ that she’s sorry. It must be brutal for them. He says, it’s a lot, and it’s not like their lives stop. Molly has a big case coming up and he’s been offered a fellowship. Kristina says, that’s great, and he says, but he thinks he’s going to have to turn it down.

Ned says he and Michael both know that Nina was the one who turned Drew and Michael’s mother in to the SEC. He told Nina that he’d need some compensation in return for keeping quiet. Now here Michael is, essentially giving him control of the company. Michael says, temporary control, contingent on his continued silence, and Ned says, what he doesn’t understand is, if Michael now has the power to drive Nina out of his family for good, what’s stopping him? Willow calls to Michael, and Michael says, in here. Willow comes in and says hi to Ned. She asks if everything is okay in here, and Michael says, they’re just talking shop. She says she’s thinking now would be a good time to head over to Sonny’s, and he says he’ll be right there. She says she’ll get the kids ready and leaves. Ned says, now where were they? and Michael says, if it were up to him, Nina would already be gone, but that would devastate his father and Willow. And exposing Nina won’t bring back all the time Drew spent in prison, or the time his mom spent blaming herself. So Nina gets to stay, and Ned gets the benefit. He’s the single largest shareholder in ELQ, and he’s giving Ned the voting proxy to half of his shares. Ned takes the envelope out of Michael’s hand and opens it. He looks at the papers, and Michael says, merry Christmas. He starts to leave, but Ned calls him back. He says he hopes Michael knows what he’s doing. He wouldn’t trust Nina if he were him.

Dante says he’s sorry for interrupting Sonny’s Christmas Eve, but Sonny says, he’s never interrupting. He appreciates Dante telling him this. Does he want to say goodbye? Dante says he has to get going, and they hug. Sonny tells him, merry Christmas.

Nina says, whoever this person is, has access to where Ava lives. Just tell Sonny. Ava says, absolutely not, and Nina asks, why? She told him about Mason and Austin when they were causing trouble, and he helped her solve the problem. Ava says, if she went to Sonny every time someone was threatening her, she’d be moving in with the newlyweds. No. She can handle this herself. Sonny comes in and says, handle what? but Ava says, nothing, waving him away. Nina says, someone left Ava a gun.

Sonny asks Nina to give him and Ava a minute, and she says, of course (🍷). She’ll go check on Pilar and Avery. He thanks her and she leaves. He says he wants Ava to tell him everything, and do not leave anything out. She says, the first envelope was sent to Windymere, and there was a picture in there. It was Austin, dead, presumably at the house in Pautuck. And a note that said, you’re welcome. He asks why he’s only hearing about this now, and she says, and the day she was moving into Nina’s penthouse, there was another envelope. Somebody had slipped it into her handbag. It was the picture again, Austin, dead, and this time, the note said, don’t tell anyone. And after the workers left, there was a gun and a third note that said, you never know when you’ll need it. He asks, where’s the gun? and she says, in a lockbox in her apartment. He says, bring it to him tomorrow, and she says, it’s Christmas. It’s not very festive. He says he’ll have Brick trace the gun, and she says she’ll bring it as soon as she can. He says, tomorrow.

Spinelli says he knows Sasha thinks fondly of Cody, for reasons which escape him. She says, for starters, Cody risked his life, his freedom… Spinelli says, all right. He has been heroic – she says, thank you – on occasion, but even she must agree, he has a duplicitous streak. Cody may be the new Face of Deception, but forgive him, he thinks that new moniker is meant to be ironic. Cody is literally deceptive. She says, if it weren’t for Cody, she wouldn’t be here. Not celebrating Christmas with friends; not free to go about with her life. She literally wouldn’t be breathing. So Cody may be deceptive, but he also literally saved her life. He’s earned their trust. At least hers. She’s going to see if Maxie needs help with the kids. She leaves, and Felicia says, no one is saying Spinelli isn’t entitled to his opinion about Cody. But whatever he may have done wrong, he’s done a lot that’s right. What Sasha said is true. If not for him, she may not be alive. He says, while he’s not going to forget Cody’s previous misdeeds, he should be more receptive to who Cody proports to be at this moment, until incriminating evidence proves otherwise. She says she can’t tell him what to do… and he says, but she’s strongly hinting at that course of action? She says she’s glad he picked up on that, and he says, perhaps he should try to catch up to Cody. Maxie will be disappointed to see he didn’t say goodbye, and when she realizes he’s the reason Cody left… Felicia is as wise as ever, as always. She says she didn’t say a word, and he says, even so. Clarity is one of her many gifts. He goes to the door and says, it’s just that he’s the only one who knows Cody has something up his sleeve. He leaves, and Felicia says, he’s not the only one.

Sam asks what Alexis means by she has to go skydiving, and Alexis says, Gregory is determined to go, and he wants her to go with him. Sam says, just because she told him that she’d go doesn’t mean she has to go, but Alexis says she wants to. She takes the paper from Sam, tosses it on the table, and says, she wants to want to. Gregory is a very nice person and he’s been very helpful to her at work. Sam says, cool. So she’s going skydiving. Alexis says she gave him her word, and now he has it. Sam says she doesn’t seem very excited about this, and Alexis says, it’s jumping out of a plane. The only thing that separates her from certain death is twine and some poufy fabric. Sam says, and an instructor strapped to her back. They’re certainly not going to let her jump alone the first time. Alexis says, it’s so funny that Sam would think she’s doing this a second time, and Sam says, then back out. She has the perfect excuse built in. Just say it’s her osteoporosis. Alexis says, her doctor doesn’t recommend it, and Sam says, see? Alexis says, she doesn’t forbid it, and Sam says, Alexis can lie and say that she does. Alexis says she can’t lie to Gregory, and Sam says she understands Gregory is a dear friend of hers, but if she told him that she didn’t want to go skydiving, he’d understand. Alexis says she gave him her word, and besides, she’s got to prove to herself that she can do this. Dante comes in and says, sorry he’s late. What’s this? He picks up the brochure and says, skydiving. Who’s going skydiving? Alexis says she is, and he says, it’s amazing. She’s going to love it. Sam shakes her head, and Alexis says, he’s done this before? Dante says he’s done it a few times. It’s awesome. You get up there and you can see the curve of the earth. The first time he did it, the instructor kind of messed with him and told him the shoot wasn’t going to open. Which isn’t that cool when you think about it. You’re traveling 120 miles an hour, hurtling toward the ground, and it’s getting closer and closer. Then you can see people… Alexis runs upstairs, and Dante asks if it was something he said.

Lois thanks Monica for sticking up for her, but she doesn’t want to overstay her welcome. So if Monica wants her to go, all she has to say is, beat it, Lois, and she’ll pack her bags. Monica, now wearing antlers, says, Lois is welcome to stay for as long as she wants to. She happens to enjoy Lois’s company, and her energy. And most of all, she enjoys watching Lois stick it to Tracy.

Tracy says she wants to apologize to Olivia for calling her a bridge and tunnel chick. She shouldn’t have said that. Olivia asks if she meant it. Be honest. Tracy says, of course (🍷) she meant it; she just shouldn’t have said it. Olivia laughs and says, at least she’s consistent. Tracy asks if Olivia accepts her apology, and Olivia asks if she apologized to Lois. Tracy says, no, and Olivia asks if she intends to. Tracy says, why would she? She’s not sorry she said it to her. Olivia tells her, like she said, Tracy is consistent. Yes, in the spirit of Christmas, she accepts Tracy’s apology. Tracy thanks her and says she would like to point out that she was standing up for Olivia, and Olivia asks how she figures that. Tracy asks if Lois’s reluctance to leave doesn’t bother Olivia at all, and Olivia says, no. Why would it? Lois is her oldest friend. They grew up together. Tracy says, and it doesn’t bother Lois that Olivia married her former husband? And Olivia makes a face. Tracy says, oh my God. After all these years of being married to Ned, Olivia and Lois have never hashed this out? Ned walks into the living room and says, what’s with the antlers?

Arriving at Sonny’s door, Wiley says he wants Santa right now, and Willow says she’s sure he’s on his way. Once they’re settled, they’ll check the Santa tracker. Nina opens the door, and tells them, merry Christmas. Willow says, something smells wonderful, and Nina says, it’s hot cider for the adults and hot cocoa for the kids. Nina takes their coats and tells Wiley that he looks super handsome and festive. She thinks he should go check under the Christmas tree. Wiley runs off, and Willow asks, where is everybody? Nina says, Ava and Sonny are in the kitchen with Avery and Pilar. They’re making cookies. Wiley asks if he can go see, and Nina says, of course (🍷). Willow says she’s going to see if Amelia needs a change, and tells Nina and Michael to be nice. Michael says, always, and Willow leaves. Michael says he took care of the Ned problem, and Nina thanks him. He says he doesn’t need her thanks. He did it for his dad and Willow. He just hopes he doesn’t live to regret this.

Sasha and Maxie come back, and Maxie says, of course (🍷) he did. Spinelli may be living here, but it doesn’t give him the right to kick anyone out of her house. Felicia says she likes Cody very much and she knows he’s been great to Sasha, but she thinks Spinelli might be right. Something seems off. Maxie says she thinks she knows where this is coming from, but this is not a Peter situation. Cody freely admits he used to be a con man. He doesn’t present himself as too good to be true. And bonus, he’s not a sociopath. Sasha says, if anything, Cody is too hard on himself, and Felicia says she just keeps thinking back to when they thought he might be Mac’s son. Sasha flashes back to Cody telling her that he is Mac’s son and he lied about it. Felicia says she knows the test result proved he wasn’t. At least that’s what Cody said. Maxie asks if she thinks he was lying, and Felicia says, how would she know? He wouldn’t show her the results. Maxie says, he wasn’t lying to her. Cody was just disappointed. And who wouldn’t be? Who wouldn’t want to be Mac’s son?

Cody sits down in the stables, when Spinelli comes in. Cody asks if he’s here for riding lessons, and Spinelli says, what makes Cody assume he’s not already an accomplished equestrian? Cody says, is he? and Spinelli says, not remotely, but the point is, one should not assume. Which brings him to the reason for his visit. Cody says he’s all ears, and Spinelli says he simply wishes to say that he regrets his behavior toward Cody at Maxie’s. Cody says he’s not exactly hearing an apology, and Spinelli says, nor will he. Cody says, fair enough. Spinelli doesn’t need to pretend to be his friend. Spinelli says, nor will he, but he will refrain from outbursts objecting to Cody’s presence. Cody says he appreciates that, and Spinelli says, it’s becoming clear to everyone that Cody is growing closer to Maxie. Cody says, they’re good people and they’ve been good to him, and Spinelli says, it’s important Cody bear in mind a certain set of facts. He is Georgie’s father. And Cody is a part of Maxie’s business, which is a big part of her life, and he understands and accepts that. It means they will naturally cross paths, especially since he’ll be staying at Maxie’s for an indeterminant length of time. Cody says he doesn’t really spend a lot of time at Maxie’s, but Spinelli says, even so, he’ll be around. So he wishes to extend a truce, even if just to keep the peace. Cody says he gratefully accepts, and Spinelli says, but be warned. If he steps out of line, any misbehavior, any maleficence, and he shall find himself prey to The Jackel. Spinelli is moving back as he talks, and he’s nearly at Comet’s stall. Cody says, why doesn’t he step away… and Spinelli asks if he’s threatening violence. Because despite public opinion and his general appearance, he can assure Cody that he can defend himself. Cody says, that’s great, but he might want to… Spinelli yells, and Cody says he has a first aid kit.

Alexis comes back downstairs, and Dante says he’s sorry. He didn’t know she was so nervous about the skydiving thing. She says, now he knows. He actually helped her make a decision. Gregory is really embracing this challenge and she admires that attitude. And while she’d like to think of herself as a brave person, when it comes to jumping out of a plane, she’s not. She’s a coward. Dante says, she changed her mind, right? and she says, thank you. On the other hand, you can’t show courage if you aren’t scared in the first place.

Molly wins the game, and TJ asks how she did that. Kristina says, it’s all about strategy, right? and Scout says she thinks Molly is just lucky. Molly says she thinks so too.

Lois tells Olivia that Monica has mellowed a bit since… Olivia says, since Lois was married to Ned? and Lois tells her that she was going to say, since Brook was a baby, but same def. And Monica invited her to stay longer. Olivia says, that’s great. Is Lois going to take her up on it? Lois says, maybe, but she doesn’t want to cramp Olivia’s style. Olivia says her style is uncrampable. If she wants to stay, she’s gotta stay. Lois says, mostly she wants to stay so she can continue to annoy Tracy, and Olivia laughs. She says, she annoys everybody else. It’s only fair that she should get hers. Lois says she just wants to make sure she’s not overstaying her welcome. You know what they say, the best part of getting out of Brooklyn is – they finish together – going back. Oliva says, if Lois wants to stay, she wants her to… Scratch that. She wants Lois to stay whether Lois wants to stay or not. Lois asks if she’s sure, and Olivia says she doesn’t think until Lois showed up, that she realized how much she misses the old times. So she means it. Ned says, eggnog anyone? and gives them cups. He says, the sooner they finish the child friendly batch, the sooner they can break out the adults only stash. Lois says, a man after her own heart, and Ned and Olivia clink cups.

Wiley says, Sonny’s tree is bigger than theirs, and Michael says, they cut down their own this year, so it’s on the smaller side. Sonny says, the reason the tree’s big is so they can fit all the presents underneath. And a lot of them are Wiley’s presents. Go check it out. Wiley runs off, and Ava asks, who put coal in Nina’s stocking? Nina says she just had another conversation with Michael, and Ava says, that’ll do it. Nina says, he will never stop blaming her, and Ava says, oh well. What can you do? Nina says, wait. It sounds like she’s siding with Michael. Ava says, trust her. She will never side with Michael. Nina says, thank you, and Ava says, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t right. Nina has done hurtful things to people he cares about. Nina wouldn’t take that lying down; why would she expect him to? Nina says she gets this. Ava is upset with her because she told Sonny about the gun. Ava says, no. She’s just frustrated because Nina always seems surprised when people that she’s hurt don’t just forgive her. She’s Nina’s friend. She’s got her back. But she can’t wash away her sins. No one can. (If Cyrus was here, he’d tell her, the Lord can. Just sayin’.)

Cody says, sorry about Comet, and Spinelli says, that horse should be named Jaws. He rubs his shoulder, and Cody says, that horse is kind of protective of yours truly. As Cody opens the first aid kit, Spinelli tells him to keep his distance. His equine minion has done more than enough damage. Cody says he’s just going to clean the wound, so it doesn’t become infected, but Spinelli says, it’s just a bruise. He’ll be fine. Cody says, still have it checked out, okay? and Spinelli says, Cody’s concern for him is touching. If only it was sincere. Cody says he is sorry about everything he did to Spinelli. All of it. And Spinelli coming here and… not apologizing, he appreciates it. It shows him what kind of man Spinelli is, and that they both care about Maxie’s family. He wants Spinelli to know he’d never do anything to hurt them. Spinelli says, Cody’s word means nothing to him. So just remember, from this moment forward, Spinelli will be watching him. He leaves.

Felicia says, it would be one thing if the test revealed Cody was Leopold Taub’s son. Then it would make sense for Cody to lie and claim that Mac was his father. Not the other way around. Maxie says, that’s kind of her point. She can’t see why Cody wouldn’t want to share the bad news, but Felicia tells Maxie that she’d say Cody went out of his way to hide it. Sasha says, Cody can be very guarded, and Maxie says, and Felicia on occasion can be a professional busybody. Felicia says, even so, it doesn’t add up. And she hates not knowing. And she can’t stop thinking about it.

Sam tells Alexis that she’ll call Gregory. She’ll say she’s sorry to disappoint him, but she’s a concerned daughter and she’s going to exercise her veto. Alexis says, that’s very thoughtful of her. And she certainly can’t think of any reason why Sam shouldn’t do that. Sam thanks her and says, it’s not like Alexis is getting any younger or anything. Dante says, who is, right? and Sam says, so even if it would be a lifetime experience that Alexis would look back on with pride – knowing that she was frightened, but did it anyway – she would just have to put her foot down. She went too far, didn’t she? Alexis says, subtle. All right, fine. She’ll jump out of the toy plane. Dante says, she’s going to have the time of her life, and Alexis says she hopes she lives to tell about it.

Kristina says she needs TJ and Molly to hear her out. TJ says, sure, and Molly says she’ll try her best. Kristina says, what if they didn’t have to find an egg donor? What if there was someone they knew who loves them both and wanted them both to be parents? TJ asks what she’s saying, and Kristina says, what if she wasn’t just the surrogate? What if she was the donor too?

Tomorrow, Adam says he doesn’t want to go home; Alexis asks what’s wrong with Sam and Dante; Gregory tells Brook that he wants to live to see his son marry the love of his life; and Jordan says she’ll never forgive Cyrus.

Southern Charm

Taylor gets up and says she wants to put the conversation they’ve been having for 2½ months to rest. She’s apologized a bunch of times and doesn’t know what else she can give. What happened is what happened. Madison asks, what happened? and Shep suggests they not get bogged down in the details. Taylor asks if they can put it to rest, and Olivia tells her not to act like it’s nothing. She’s sorry Shep’s kumbaya moment didn’t fit. She’s allowed to react and ask questions. Shep says he wouldn’t take that away from her, and Olivia says, it sounds like Taylor is tired of talking about it. Taylor says, it’s her fourth apology. Do they want her to lie? Shep tells her to sit down and relax, and Taylor asks if Olivia wants her to say Austen f***ed her. Olivia says, that’s what happened, but Austen says, that’s not what happened. Taylor says, it’s not what happened, and she’s not going to claim somebody f***ed her without them actually f***ing her. Madison says she appreciates Taylor standing up and talking about what they’re assuming. Austen won’t do it. JT says, Austen needs to stand up, and Madison calls Austen a sloppy mess. Austen says she’s a clown, and Craig says he thinks it freaked everyone that Austen and Taylor talked to their parents about them dating. Taylor says she talked to her brother. She had a moment and went to someone who she loves and adores. She knows Olivia loves and adores her brother. There are crickets for a moment, and in JT’s interview, he says he thinks Taylor is emotionally charged and didn’t realize what she said. In Olivia’s interview, she says, before this, she would feel like Taylor didn’t mean it how it came out, but now she doesn’t see Taylor coming back from saying that. Taylor says, it’s the first time she’s breached Olivia’s trust, and Venita tells her, don’t act like it’s small. Taylor says she lied one time, and Olivia asks what scoreboard she has. Taylor says, Olivia is calling her a liar and saying she hates her, and Olivia says, because it’s true. Taylor says, hate is so strong a word, and Olivia tells her, that’s why she said it. Taylor says she doesn’t need to be verbally abused, and Venita says, she slept with someone’s man. What world is she living in? Craig insists it’s not unfixable, and Taylor leaves. Olivia fast walks in the other direction, and Venita follows her. Craig says, Olivia wants to hear Taylor say she f***ed up, instead of, she only f***ed up one time. Venita says, the same conversation keeps happening. She can’t do it again. Rod says, Taylor apologized to the group, but Olivia thought she was saying, let’s call it a day and forget about it. JT says, at least Taylor stood up. Austen says nothing. In JT’s interview, he says, Austen can’t say he’s sorry. There’s always an excuse. He’s never in the wrong, and it’s sociopathic to think you never mess up. Austen tells JT to drown himself, and JT says, Austen hasn’t stood up like a man, and he’s been nonapologetic. He was watching two girls cry and there he sits with his perfect hair. In Shep’s interview, he says, JT is calling Austen out on his bullsh*t. He’s like Eliot Ness and Austen is Al Capone, and he’s going down. Whitney asks why they care, and Madison says, JT is a gentleman. Austen laughs and decides he’s had enough. He calls JT a p*ssy and leaves.

JT tells Austen, it’s a coward move, but enjoy the walk. He tells the others, Austen’s a straw house and he’s a brick house, which sounds like some kind of rubber/glue thing. Craig says, they can’t keep their stories straight, and Whitney tells JT that he doesn’t know the dynamic. To comment on a man’s character without knowing the deal sounds disingenuous. He feels bad that JT drove Austen away. JT says, Austen hooked up with his best friend’s girlfriend, and Craig says, Whitney is riding hard for Austen. Taylor goes to her room and calls her brother, while Olivia cries to Venita in her room. She says, Taylor crossed so many boundaries. Keep her brother’s name out of her filthy mouth. What was she thinking? Taylor says, she apologized so many times. She stood up at the table and apologized, and Olivia still said shove it up her ass. F*** you. She doesn’t know what else do. In the other room, Venita says, that is not Olivia’s best friend. Dinner is done, and Madison suggests she and Craig walk into the ocean and keep walking. Craif says, they’re crazy. And that’s a lot for him to say because he’s crazy. Taylor tells her brother that Olivia said she hates her, and her brother tells her to move on. Austen should be in trouble too. Taylor says, Olivia loves him and hates him. She’s the devil, but Olivia cuddles with Austen with her bra off. She doesn’t know what the big deal is since they never claimed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Olivia and Venita listen at the wall, and although Venita begs her not to, Olivia marches into Taylor’s room. She asks if Taylor is f***ing stupid. Talk quieter. She’s right next door with her ear to the wall. She calls Taylor a dumb bitch, and storms back out. Taylor’s brother tells her that she’s not the bad guy. What would Jesus do? Taylor says, keep quiet, and she’s been trying to. Her brother says, good for her. He loves her. Madison and Craig are still at the table drinking, and Craig says he gets what they’re all saying; the stories don’t add up. Madison gets the hiccups, and says she gives Taylor credit for standing up and not crying. Craig says, they don’t know what story the other one is telling, and I’m thinking, what the hell is he talking about? They are telling the same story; they just made out. Craig tells Madison to say, I’m not a fish, something about breathing and hiccups, but it doesn’t work.

JT says, they came, they conquered, it’s time to go. I’ll bet it’s gonna be a quiet flight home. Back already, Whitney brings Chaucey to Patricia, and suggests the dog needs Ozempic. Brett is home, and Madison tells him that she’s still hung over. He says, it’s not her last hurrah. They’ve got to do something else. Madison says she’s celebrating every day she’s not pregnant. What if she’s boring? Brett insists she can’t be, and Madison says she’s thinking about doing a dinner and inviting Craig and Paige. JT FaceTimes with Rod and says, if Austen comes on the next trip, he’s out. He doesn’t want to be around Austen. Rod says, JT and Taylor were like two peas in a pod, and JT says, on every flight, they were side by side. Rod says he can still hear them giggling behind him, and we see a clip of that. JT says, whenever they’re together, they’re laughing and playing, and Rod says, they’re vibing. He suggests JT do something there. Taylor’s mom Leslie calls and asks how the trip was. Taylor says she wasn’t expecting it to go the way it did. She thought they put everything to rest, but it was the opposite She cries and says she thinks she’s not used to be broken down by someone she cares about. It’s hurtful. Olivia tells her mom Robin about eavesdropping on overhearing Taylor. She says she doesn’t understand how Taylor could have said she and Austen didn’t even date. She’ll never look at Taylor the same way again. Robin says she doesn’t know where Taylor’s head is at. Olivia doesn’t need more to deal with, and she thinks Olivia should steer clear for her emotional well-being. Leslie tells Taylor, at the core is what else has gone on in Olivia’s life. She needs grace, and Leslie wants Taylor to move forward. Be humble and kind and be with friends who love her. I’d find a new friend circle. Does she really want to be on the show this much?

Austen and sister Katie drink champagne, and Katie asks how Jamaica was. He says, good, he thinks, and we flash back to the messiness of it all. Katie says she thinks he’s in denial, and he says he was being attacked and Shep was upset with him. Shep prides himself on giving people the horns. Austen doesn’t know the correct path, but it stings more when someone you care about says negative things. Shep and Olivia are triggered by his presence. He knows he pissed Olivia off, and her feelings are valid, but then she calls him or sends him things on the internet. She acted like he didn’t exist at the mountain house, then called him on the way home. She was yelling at him in Jamaica, and after they came back, she was calling him and asking if he wanted to walk on the beach. In Austen’s interview, he says, a perfect example of how Olivia is hot and cold was the Oscars. After Jamaica, they were live texting the whole night. Then when they’re in front of their friends, she bites his head off. He thought they were good. He tells Katie that his therapist described it as being gaslit, and Katie asks if it always went on or was it post what happened. He says, post what happened to Olivia’s brother, and Katie says, Olivia has a lot going on. He says, emotions are flying high, and Olivia has a lot of reason, but at a certain point, he’s paid his penance. Katie says she thinks they need to take time apart. She doesn’t think they can make progress if they’re around each other and keep getting upset. He says he doesn’t think he can ever completely close the book on Olivia.

Madison starts setting up for dinner, and I love, love, love the little branches with tiny oranges (or whatever) on them in vases decorating the table. She calls Patricia, asking how she is, and Patricia says, every day, she’s better. She reads, talks on the phone, and watches bad movies. It could be worse. Madison says, when Brett is out of town, they’ll have a sleepover and talk about everybody. Patricia says, not them, and Madison says she needs help. She’s having a dinner party and hired a chef to cook. She’ll heat it up and take credit. In Madison’s interview, she says, this is out of her comfort zone. It’s the first time she’s being an actual present wife in the home, doing things she wasn’t able to do before. She it wants everything to be perfect. She’s turning into a Type-A. Patricia gives her advice on glassware, and says, Madison is now a married woman, and she’s got to start entertaining. Madison asks if it’s bad she’s not cooking, and Patricia says, not in her book.

Paige is in Charleston and tells Craig that she can’t believe Madison is married. Craig says, Brett and Madison met after they did, but everyone has their own timetable. In Craig’s interview, he says, after all the dysfunction he’s witnessed, he appreciated just having someone he gets along with and loves. All that matters is that he’s happy and she’s supportive. And technically, until they decide to have children, it doesn’t matter where they live. He says, Madison asked if they were going to be long distance forever, and he said, not if they have kids. He knows she’s not ready and he’s prepared to wait. He knows she’s not in a hurry, and it’s not the end of the world if they don’t end up together. He believes he’s a stable person with or without her. She got him there, but he’s stable to the point where if he had to let her go, he’d be sad, but he wouldn’t freak out. He asks if she hopes it works out with him, and she says she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t. She’d be in New York. She’s dressed all in pastels. Obviously, she loves him.

Shep and Whitney meet for bourbon, and Whitney springs for a $1000 a bottle booze. He tells Shep that he’s stocking his new bar with these people, and in his interview, he says, the cottage is Michael’s former house. It needed a gut renovation. We see a clip with Mike the contractor, and Whitney says, the bottom floor is going to be an understated bar/pub/hang out spot. After it’s finished, he’s never leaving again. Shep says his recovery time is becoming weak. He didn’t move for a couple days after Jamaica. Whitney says, people were screaming at each other, and Shep says, Austen was targeted pretty hard. When it comes to females, Austen is not to be trusted. In Shep’s interview, he says he has questions about Austen’s trustworthiness, and it makes him sad. He tells Whitney that he and Austen have seen too much together and laughed too much together to let that go. He hopes Austen learned a lesson after Jamaica. Switching topics, he says he was at the house with some girls and Taylor came by unannounced with Penny. She’s been leaving her dog when she has something to do. Whitney wonders if Shep isn’t giving her the wrong impression and leading her on, and Shep says, that’s a good question. It’s caused friction with her asking, who’s over there and what are you doing? He intends to talk to her and tell her that he’ll love her forever, but they’re not together. They need to establish parameters.

Getting ready for Madison’s dinner, Paige says, Craig looks like a stressed-out accountant. He says he doesn’t know what to wear, and she says, welcome to her world. (Mine too.) She dresses him, and they drive to Madison’s house. Paige says it looks like something out of a movie, and points out a couple sitting on the porch. Nobody does that. He says, it is idealistic, and a nice place to raise a child. They park in front of the house, and Craig almost brings in his to-go drink. Paige tells him to put it in the car, and he pours the remaining drink on the tree lawn. Paige tells him to act like he’s been someplace before. After checking out their impressive house, Craig asks if they bought the house together, and Madison says, they did. He says, that’s very adult, and in Craig’s interview, he says, they’re grown-ups now. He doesn’t know how they got here, but he’s excited about it. Paige says, this is the first moment she’s wanted to move here.

Paige asks Brett how he likes Charleston, and he says he loves it. He’d never even been to South Carolina, but he loves it now. Madison tells him stuff about someone sleeping with someone’s ex, and he wonders what they do out here. Paige says, they asked what happens when they break up in NYC, and she said, never see them again. Craig says, it’s an incestuous town, and I totally agree. Brett asks about Paige’s flight, and she says, sometimes it takes her longer to get to the airport. Craig says, Madison and Brett are the only other long-distance couple, and Madison says she doesn’t know if Brett could put up with her 24/7. Paige asks if Brett feels like he has friends here, and Brett says he has friends aside from Madison’s friends. Madison asks if Craig would like to apply for a position. Brett asks if they have plans, and Craig says, they have plans to make plans. They’re letting the current take them wherever it’s going. One day, they want kids, but Paige isn’t ready. Paige says she’s not ready to move, live in a cul-de-sac, and have a baby. In Madison’s interview, she says she never had plans to do that either. Then she met Brett and asked, which cul-de-sac? Brett says, they can take other steps. Getting engaged doesn’t mean they have to get married quickly and have kids. Paige says, but if they get engaged and she didn’t move here, wouldn’t it be weird? Madison says, they did it for almost a year, and Paige asks how Brett knew what kind of engagement ring to get Madison. He says she sent him some shapes. Paige says she doesn’t know what she likes. She’s tried on her friends’ rings, but none of them feel like her. Madison asks if Paige would like to try on hers, and of course Paige says, yes. It’s really beautiful, a single oval stone in a simple setting. Madison says, oval, 3.5 carats or more.  

Next time, the finale – a New Year’s gift! – Whitney has a Valley of the Dolls theme party; JT tells Taylor that he loves her; Shep asks if Taylor wants to get back together; and Austen finally has enough of JT, and slams him. Somebody had to.

🥁 Keeping Time With the Ox and Lamb…

Come back tomorrow for soap and a pre-holiday display of wisdom and nonsense. Until then, stay safe, stay rolling with the punches and keeping your sense of humor, and stay appreciating it if you have someone you get along with and love.