What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Carly sees Jason sitting up and using his tablet, and tells him Epiphany is going to be upset if she sees him. He says, Epiphany isn’t on duty; he already checked. He asks if she’s okay, and she hands him a gift bag, telling him, take it.

Sam asks how Sonny’s dad is, and he says they’re setting up his room at Turning Woods today. Why did she want to see him? She says she wants to talk about Brando.

Ava asks Nikolas if he forget they’re entertaining tonight, and he says she’s entertaining. He couldn’t care less. She suggests he adjust his attitude. Their guests will be arriving soon. He needs to get ready. He says he’s as ready as he’s going to be, and she says he’ll be significantly underdressed. He says, oh well, and she says, it’s an important night for them. He says it’s an important night for her ego. She forced him to marry her; now she wants to trot him out like a circus pony. The doorbell rings, and Ava answers. Lulu asks if Nikolas is at home. Nikolas asks what brings her there. He doesn’t imagine she wants a preview of the portrait. She says she’s there to ask a huge favor.

Franco goes to the hospital, and asks Elizabeth how Jason is. She says, he’s awake, and expected to make a full recovery. He says he’ll tell Jake; he’s going to be thrilled. He says, since Jason is out of the woods now, she’s free to come to the unveiling.

On the phone with Tracy, Ned says, Valentin is now the CEO. The vote was 50/50, plus Lucy, who was the tie breaker… Who sold? The list is long, but there’s only one name he cares about – Brook.

Michael and Willow tuck Wiley in for his nap, and Michael says, it’s official. Wiley is home. Willow says she understands how Wiley feels. He’s been a nomad, and been shuffled from one place to another. She understands the funny feeling when you have to adjust to a new place when you’re a kid. Michael says, not anymore. Wiley is there to stay, and the three of them will be staying together.

At The Floating Rib, Sasha says Chase can call someone, but Chase says he doesn’t want to put any of his contacts on the spot. She says, it’s not like it’s a violation of privacy, but he says, that depends on what the judge had sealed. Brook walks in, and asks if this is where the losers commiserate.

Carly tells Jason, it’s a helmet, like he doesn’t know what one looks like. She wants him to wear is when he’s riding. No excuses; no arguments. She wants him to promise, and he does. She says the last thing she needs is to think she’s going to lose him. She didn’t realize when she signed the power of attorney, she’d be signing a consent for exploratory surgery because he might be brain dead, and she’d just promised that she’d let him die. He says, he didn’t, and she tells him that she’s saying she’d better not need to. The deal only continues if he commits to wearing it.

Sam says, Jason is an expert on the bike, and Sonny asks if she talked to him. She says she couldn’t; she’d been distracted. He says they don’t know what happened. Jason could have swerved to avoid an animal. She says, the stabilizer failed because Brando sabotaged it. He’s a con.

Brook asks Chase and Sasha, who’s worse? A traitor to the family, or two cheating cheaters who cheated and got caught stepping out on the kindest people in the universe? Sasha steps away, and Chase says Brook can judge him all she wants. He’s earned her hostility, but Sasha hasn’t. She didn’t even press charges when Brook hit her. Brook says, it was an accident, and Chase says, that’s how Sasha treated it. She cut Brook some slack; maybe Brook could return the favor.

A girl comes up to Sasha, and says, the face of Deception. She saw the proofs. She introduces herself as Sienna, and says she works with the photographer. He said Sasha was amazing. Sasha says she was a little rocky at first, and Vienna says Suzette told her. Sasha says, told her what?

Ned tells Olivia that someone had been making a play for ELQ for months. He spent all that time trying to figure out who it was, and they were in front of him the whole time. Olivia says, the problem isn’t how Valentin took over. The problem is how Ned is treating his daughter.

Franco tells Elizabeth that he has the opportunity to show the art world he’s survived tonight. She says, tonight is also about exploiting his past. He says, it’s good business, but she says he worked hard to distance himself from it. Now he seems to be erasing that.

Lulu tells Nikolas about the lawsuit against the hospital, and says, if Nelle wins, the insurance might not cover the damage. Meanwhile, the board is being courted by Cyrus. Ava says, he killed Trina’s father, and Nikolas says, he’s a drug trafficker, but Lulu says, there’s no proof. Cyrus is legitimately a free man, and he’s offering his financial support in exchange for a spot on the board. Nikolas says, that’s unacceptable, and Lulu says, her mom reached out to ELQ, but there’s been a shake-up with the company. Nikolas says, tell her mom that he knows what’s at stake, but Lulu says Laura will feel it’s hypocritical, and won’t be comfortable asking him for money. So she’s asking for her mom. He says, whatever the hospital needs, he’ll cover it. She thanks him, and says that makes a big difference. She tells Ava, congratulations on her portrait. If all goes well, she and Dustin will be at the unveiling. Ava says they’ll be happy to have her; won’t we, darling? Nikolas agrees, and Lulu leaves. Ava says his sister has softened toward their marriage. If only he’d follow her lead.

Ned tells Olivia, Brook knew beforehand, and should have warned him. It would have given him a chance to block Valentin. Olivia says Valentin was obviously moving behind-the-scenes for months, and Ned says he would have reached out to Sam, and she would have realized her children were being robbed of their legacy. Olivia says, let Sam worry about her kids. He needs to worry about his own.

Brook asks Chase if it isn’t late in the game to be acting chivalrous. He asks what she said about a traitor in the family.

Sasha drags Sienna into the bathroom, and asks what Suzanne told her. Sienna says that Sasha needed a pick-me-up. A lot of models do. Sasha asks if Suzanne told her it was just one time, and Sienna says, sure. But just in case, it never hurts to have one. She gives Sasha a tiny resealable plastic bag of coke.

Carly tells Jason, no more stupid risks and taking chances with his life for an adrenaline rush. He says he doesn’t do that… much. She says he has to meet her halfway. No risks, and wear a helmet. He says, anything else? and she says he needs some color in his wardrobe. She was going to buy him some T-shirts… but she can table it. She needs someone she can count on. He asks, what happened? Is Mike okay? Did Nelle win custody of Wiley? She says, no. Michael and Willow won sole custody; Nelle wasn’t even grated visitation. He says, that’s great, and she says Michael and Willow are over the moon, but she just knows Nelle is going to retaliate.

Lulu sees one of the board members, and says, Mr. Erickson… He says, the board doesn’t talk to the press, but she says she’s not working on a story. Her brother Nikolas is willing to step in and be the hospital’s benefactor. He’ll supply any funding they need. Mr. Erickson says he appreciates her family’s commitment to the hospital, but the problem has been solved. He just came from a productive meeting, where they voted on a single benefactor, Cyrus Renault. Her mother had misgivings, but they were impressed, and voted to accept his offer.

Franco tells Elizabeth, he wishes he could take his past back, but his career just played a small part. She asks, why capitalize on what he regrets? and he says he used to be really good.

Ava tells Nikolas, if he chooses to divorce her, she promises to follow up and support the hospital. He says, sorry to disappoint her, but he’s not divorcing her. Unless and until she cheats on him. She says, so he made his decision. He chose money over his son. He says, Spencer made the decision. His son doesn’t want him without his money.

Carly says, after the judge made his ruling, Nelle asked to speak to her alone (didn’t she ask to speak to Nelle?), and Jason says that was like asking to be set up. Why do it? She says Nelle had it worse than she did growing up. Virginia drove her crazy, but also nurtured her. All Nelle had was Frank, who was a wreck emotionally. Jason tells her not to feel sorry for Nelle, but she says she doesn’t. Nelle is a heartless bitch, who tortured her family, but Nelle wasn’t born that way. She thought Nelle’s life could be different if she could make her understand that now Wiley’s life will be different. He tells her, stay out of it, and don’t forget Nelle is a threat to her family, and everyone she loves.

Sonny tells Sam, Brando has been stand-up. He did everything Sonny asked. Sam says, that’s how cons work, and Sonny says he’s going to ask Jason what happened, and take it from there. Lulu comes by, and says she heard about Jason. Sam says Jason is awake, and expected to fully recover. Lulu asks Sonny for a word, and tells him, Cyrus has been given a foothold at the hospital.

Nikolas tells Ava that he called Spencer, and Spencer finally picked up. It felt good to hear his voice. She asks, what happened? and he says he told Spencer about the post-nup, and how if they divorced, she’d get 90% of the estate, and the remaining 10% would be put in trust for him. Spencer didn’t even hesitate; he wants his legacy intact, and said they should stay married. He said it’s what Nikolas deserves. Ava says, teenagers can be terribly self-righteous, and Nikolas says Spencer can’t forgive her for lying, and wants nothing to do with her. As long as they remain a couple, Spencer will stay in boarding school, and out of his life. Ava says she’s sorry, and he says, if she means it, prove it.

Franco tells Elizabeth, the subject of his work was vile, but it got people engaged, and made them feel things. He’s worried his best work is behind him. She asks why he’s reminding everyone of who he was instead of the man he is now, and he says, no one cares about the man he is now. He’s an art therapist. He can’t afford a canvas; what is he going to do when it’s time to contribute to college tuition? She tells him, don’t use the boys or her as an excuse.

Michael knows he keeps saying it, but Willow is the real version of what Nelle is pretending to be. She says, she knows; sugar and saccharine. He says Nelle knows how bad she looks next to Willow, and once they were married, it sent her scrambling. Willow says when Nelle melted down in court, that’s how she was when she shoved her way into the apartment to take Wiley. A fanatic, like nothing and no one was going to stop her. Willow fought as hard as she could If Michael and Chase hadn’t… She says, there’s no point in dwelling on it. They should focus on happy things, like Wiley. He says, it’s okay if she misses Chase. He misses Sasha too.

Brook tells Chase, what did her father expect? Music is her life. Her mother played music for her in utero. Her father couldn’t or wouldn’t help her out, and she had to do it herself. Linc wanted her ELQ shares, but he was just a front. Valentin was really after them. The man who pulled Cassadine Industries from the brink of ruin. She thought, what harm could it do? It turns out, he did a lot of damage, but did her father blame anyone else who sold? No, only her. She got thrown out. Sasha sends a text.

Olivia tells Ned, he was too harsh, but he says Brook betrayed the family. She says, so what? Brook is his daughter. How many times has she heard him say, it’s all about family; family is the most important thing. This is where the rubber meets the road. It’s easy to love their children when their children please them and make them proud, but they’re still their children when they disappoint them, especially when they do. They’re not disposable. He thinks she’s sensitive because of Dante, and she says, damn right. She’d give anything to have her son back, and he threw his daughter away like yesterday’s garbage. He says, it seems unfeeling to outsiders, but Brook knows what it means to be a Quartermaine. You don’t sell your stock; you keep it in the family’s hands. Olivia’s phone dings. She sees a text from Sasha that says, w/ Brook Lyn at the Rib. She’s hurting. She heads out the door, and Ned asks where she’s going. They’re in the middle of a crisis. She asks what he’s going to do? Throw her out for violating Quartermaine bylaws?

Carly says, Nelle gave her one good thing; a grandson. Wiley is the best thing ever. She thinks Michael will do better with Wiley than she did with him, and Jason says, she did fine. She says she made mistakes, but she knows Michael is good. Now he married Willow. Nice people usually drive her crazy, but Willow is a genuinely kind and gracious person. She loves Wiley, and Carly thinks one day she’ll love Michael. She feels bad that Sasha gave up so much. Jason says he thought Sasha and Michael broke up because she’d cheated on him. Carly says, she did… never mind. Jason wonders what she’s not saying, and she says he looks tired. He needs his rest. He tells her to stay out of it, and she says she’s leaving – and staying out of it.

Brando arrives at the hospital, and Sam asks what he’s doing there. He says he was checking on Jason, and she says, Jason is awake and fine, despite Brando’s best efforts.

Sonny asks Lulu why the hospital board would take a dime of Cyrus’s drug money, and she says, after Jordan’s press conference, they put aside their misgivings. He says, what about the Quartermaines? and she says, they were blocked by an inconvenient raid. He says, by who? and she says, Valentin.

Ava tells Nikolas, she has nothing to prove. He says if they stay married, it will cost him his son, and she tells him, don’t put it on her. He dug a hole for himself by pretending to be dead, and playing mind games to get his hands on the codicil. She asks if it ever occurred to him, that if he’d been honest and come to her, she might have willingly helped him? He says, it never occurred to him once.

Franco tells Elizabeth, they need money like everyone else. That’s why he took Ava’s commission. She says, that’s why she’s not going to this Windymere farce. It’s feeding his ego, and he’s playing into Ava’s hands. He says, either that, or Ava is someone who believes in him. Elizabeth says she believes in the man she married. She’s going to keep believing, and hope he justifies her faith in him.

Brook says why should she care? Her father threw her out, and she doesn’t need him or ELQ, like Sasha doesn’t need Michael. Sasha has her fabulous career, and a partnership in Deception. Who cares? She’ll be famous. Olivia comes in, and says, okay, girlfriend. You and me. Brook says she’s no longer Olivia’s problem, and Olivia says, not another sip. Brook says, all right; don’t make a scene, and goes to a booth with Olivia. Chase tells Sasha that he’s sorry. Brook isn’t as obnoxious as she seems; she’s just drunk and hurting. Sasha says, she knows. She just needs a minute to freshen up. She goes to the bathroom, and Chase says, I still love you, Willow, to no one in particular.

Michael tells Willow, whatever happens, going forward, he wants them to be honest with each other, whatever they’re feeling. The mistake Chase and Sasha made was hiding things from them. Maybe they thought it was for their own good, at least at the beginning, but he doesn’t want that with them. Willow says, right. Start with the truth and the rest will follow. The truth is, as much as she misses Chase, she’s so happy she married Michael. He says so is he.

Sasha checks to make sure there’s nobody in the stalls, and takes out the bag of coke. Since evidently she’s too stupid to go where she won’t be seen. She does know it’s illegal, right?

Sonny visits Jason, who shows him the helmet. Jason says, it’s a present from Carly. He told her that he’d wear one from now on. Sonny asks, what happened? but Jason says he doesn’t know. The bike was riding fine, then the steering went out. The part was brand new, so either it was a bad part or there was a problem with the installation. Sonny says, Brando told him that he did it right, and checked the part; it wasn’t defective. Jason says, either Brando made a mistake or he’s lying, and Sonny says he’ll keep an eye on Brando. In the meantime, something else came up. Cyrus is now a member of the hospital board, and bailing them out of financial trouble. Sonny laughs, and Jason asks why the hospital didn’t go to the Quartermaines. Sonny says, that’s what he asked. There was a problem with ELQ involving Sam.

Brando says if Sam is implying that he tried to kill Jason, he didn’t. Why would he be there if he had? She says to see if he needed to finish the job. He says he must not be much of an assassin, since he worked on Jason’s bike, and he’s chatting with her. If she’s looking for an enemy, it isn’t him. Brando says, tell Jason he’s glad he made it, and leaves.

Olivia gives Brook a room key for the MetroCourt, saying, it has a beautiful harbor view. Brook asks if her dad knows Olivia is doing this, and Olivia says, no. Brook says, then she probably shouldn’t, but Olivia says she loves Brook’s father, but he doesn’t tell her what to do. It’s a very nice room in a very nice hotel. She strongly suggests Brook take it.

Sasha comes back out, and tells Chase, they’re not doing this. Sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. They’re heroes, even if no one knows. They’re like Sydney Carton. Chase says, Sydney got his head chopped off. She says, they didn’t. Carly comes in, and says she wants to thank them. Michael and Willow got full custody of Wiley.

Michael asks how Willow feels about powerboats. She says she hasn’t given it much thought; why? He says there’s one tied up at the boathouse. He’s a fantastic driver, and Wiley is knocked out. They could take it out, and cruise to Sawyer, where there’s a nice restaurant on the water. They can get dinner there. Ned joins them, and says he heard the judge ruled in their favor. Michael says Wiley is officially theirs, and asks how the shareholders meeting ended. Did Lucy vote to save the hospital?

Nikolas says Ava sold Spencer out to Valentin. Why shouldn’t he assume she’d do the same to him? He had no choice but to trick her. She says, by making her believe she was losing her mind? That Kiki was trapped in hell and blamed Ava for putting her there? He says she blamed herself. As much as she loved Kiki, she hated her. She was jealous of Kiki’s kindness, and set her up. Ava tells him not to judge her, and he says he’s a convenient scapegoat where she can place her guilt and anger. But she has a brand new portrait to hang on the wall. She tells him, go to hell. He says he’s already there.

Franco arrives at Windymere, and Ava asks if he came early to help her place the portrait. She’s sorry. She’s been dealing with so many details, it’s where he left it in the solarium. She hasn’t peeked. She wants to see it for the first time with everyone else. He hopes she’s not disappointed, and she says he seems to be. He says, Elizabeth isn’t coming, and she says, it’s their night, and they’re going to enjoy it.

On the phone, Nikolas tells Spencer, Ava believed every word. She thinks he turned his back on his father, and has no idea they’re working together. He’s going to keep playing on her guilt until she voluntarily ends the marriage, and walks away.

Cyrus tells Lulu, always a pleasure, and she says, not for her. He’s surprised she hasn’t asked him for a comment. He’s sure she heard. She says she did. Now he’s a member of the board. She promises once her mother finds out, she’ll do everything in her power to make sure it’s the briefest tenure ever. He says, that might prove difficult. Given his generous support of the hospital, he’s not just a member; he’s the chairman. He tells her to relay that to her mom. He looks forward to everything his hospital will bring to Port Charles. He walks away, leaving Lulu stunned.

Michael asks, what about Lucy? and Michael says, she voted with Valentin. There will be no hospital funding, and there’s no easy way to tell him, but Valentin is now the CEO. Willow says, Lucy married them, and wonders why she voted against Michael. Michael says Valentin was Lucy’s angel investor for Deception, and probably reached out to her. Ned says, more than likely, Valentin went to her when he needed a tie breaker. Lucy will land on her feet; she always does. Willow asks, what happens now? and Ned says he’s sorry. Michael trusted him, and he let Michael down. Michael says, it’s not Ned’s fault, but Ned says, yes it is. It happened on his watch. Willow asks if Michael is okay, and he says He’s not happy Valentin is in charge of ELQ, but for now, that’s just another problem that has to be solved. Losing his job is nothing compared to winning custody of Wiley. Willow says, that’s what matters. Michael says, it’s a day to celebrate. How does she feel about going out to dinner? Willow says she’s right with him.

Brook asks why Olivia is doing this. Most of the time, Olivia hates her. Olivia says she never hated Brook. Okay, maybe once for a little while, but Brook is family now, and she couldn’t hate a member of her family. Brook says her father hates her, but Olivia says, no. He’s disappointed. His pride and ego are crushed, and now Valentin got the best of him. He loves Brook, but doesn’t know how to show it. The Quartermaines will get through this. They stick together.

Carly says Sasha and Chase gave up their happiness for Wiley’s sake. She has some idea of what it cost them, but now Michael, Willow, and Wiley can be a real family. It’s the best thing for all three of them. She thanks them again.

Sam goes to Jason’s room, and Sonny says he was just filling Jason in. She says she doesn’t want to push, but the doctors said Jason needs rest. Jason says, he’s okay, but Sonny says she’s right. He’s going to go. Do what Sam tells him. He leaves, and Jason sighs, because we no longer have Griff to do that job. Sam sits next to the bed, and he takes her hand. She asks what they were talking about, and he says, just ELQ and the hospital. She asks, why the hospital? and he says they’re in financial trouble. ELQ was supposed to bail them out, but Valentin voted against it. He controls 51% of the stock. Sam asks, how? Danny and Scout only have 10%. He says, Valentin has been buying other family member’s shares, and with Danny and Scout’s proxy, he got put in control of ELQ.

Tomorrow, Maxie thinks Lucy is hiding something, Scotty asks Lucy what she’s done, Ava says it will be a night to remember, and Anna suggests Finn invite his father to the wedding.

The Real Housewives of New York City

It’s morning at Villa Casa del Mar. Dorinda sees two trainers out on the patio. She asks if it’s a hangover, or is it real. Is it tequila? One of them says, it’s not tequila. She says she’ll get the girls before it’s too hot, and she’s going to change. The trainers agree, there’s going to be a lot of energy. Dorinda proceeds to wake everyone up, opening blinds, and saying hot trainers are there. She knows everyone had quite a day, and she can’t get them out of bed. LuAnn says she can’t deal with lunges, and Dorinda says she’s got them all alone. She’s going to do what any good woman would do. They’ll teach her, and she’ll teach them aerobics. We flash back to her retro 80s aerobics whatever-that-was, and she puts the trainers through their paces. LuAnn comes out, and says she heard aerobics. The trainers do a cha-cha-cha step, and the women follow. LuAnn holds her coffee as she dances. Trainer Raul does side lunges. Dorinda goes inside, and in LuAnn’s interview, she says she’ll just take on the two trainers on her own. She’s fine with that. Dorinda says she’s not letting them sleep – wakey, wakey! The session done, Raul tells LuAnn to let her girlfriends know they were missing them. LuAnn gets more coffee.

LuAnn finds Dorinda in Leah’s room. Leah asks if they worked out already. LuAnn says they’re old school. They bounce back quick. The best way is to start moving. Dorinda says, she has sisterly love today, and a new bunch of flowers today. LuAnn says her mother described her hoo-ha as a flower.

Sonja chats with Isaac, co-owner of Century 21. She tells him about celebrating her birthday, and he asks how old is she? Twenty-four? In her interview, she says she has to be prepared for her event. She’s having a huge launch party, and it must be a success. Everyone has heard about her fashion, perfume, jewelry, and toaster oven. Everything she talked about on the show is coming to fruition. Sonja works on her laptop at an outside table, and Leah asks if this is the office, sitting down with her own laptop. Sonja says she has to send out invites to her Century 21 party. Leah says, no one gets how hard it is. Sales were low, but she just had some new things land, and they’re doing well. In Leah’s interview, she says, having your own business is truly 24/7. No one cares the way you do. Ramona says she’s celebrating a glorious day, and LuAnn suggests they sit outside. Sonja says she couldn’t be happier. Last night was special . LuAnn asks if she was surprised, and Sonja says she has to stop talking and send out invites. Dorinda joins them, and says, Sonja has to do her thing. In Sonja’s interview, she says, part of Dorinda is sweet and nice; the Dorinda she adores. Then there’s like… She makes a noise. LuAnn suggests taking a half hour break for breakfast. They all chatter, and Sonja says, it was a beautiful evening, but the whole night, she was worried about this; it has to go out. In her interview, Sonja says, Dorinda can vent all she needs; it’s her vacation too. Sonja gets up to go inside, saying she needs to work. She can’t let the invites go wrong; no way. She babbles at the kitchen staff, and wonders where she put her glasses.

LuAnn says, it’s rude to be working at the table. They’re having a meal together, and it’s not what they do. Leah is still working, and Dorinda tells her to sit elsewhere. Leah says she just closed everything, and Dorinda says if she wants to work, don’t sit at the table. Ramona quietly tells Leah, just let it pass. Tell her she’s right. In Leah’s interview, she says she understands where Dorinda is coming from, but it’s a vacation. They don’t need to be rigid and have breakfast at 7 am, no elbows on the table. LuAnn confirms, just say, you’re right. I think, wait a second. Leah and Sonja were working at the table before the others got there.

Dorinda says, the view is classically beautiful. Ramona tells Sonja, Dorinda snaps, and goes on for twenty minutes. In her interview, Ramona says she misses the light Dorinda. She doesn’t recognize this Dorinda. She doesn’t know her, and doesn’t want to know this one. Dorinda floats in the pool on a swan floatie. Sonja says when they used to burn witches, she thinks it was just menopause. It’s unclear whether she means because the so-called witches were going through menopause, or the people doing the burning were cranky because they were going through menopause.

LuAnn and Leah walk on the beach, and see two guys coming toward them. Leah says, they might be a couple, but LuAnn says, those aren’t gay men’s shorts. Leah says, good point. LuAnn asks where the guys are going, and they say, to the resort. It’s determined the guys aren’t gay or married, and are from Montreal. LuAnn asks if they want to come and hang out, and one asks, for a visit? LuAnn says, they’re not kidnapping them. In Leah’s interview, she says, men enter at their own risk. Inside the villa are very horny, insatiable women – Ramona and Sonja. LuAnn brings them over to the bar, and everyone has a drink. Leah says she’s brushed her teeth ten times, and still tastes tequila. Ramona comes out, and asks, is this a mirage? In Ramona’s interview, she says it’s not noon yet, and they picked up two boys. LuAnn asks where Sonja is, and Ramona explains that Sonja is having a big party; she designs a clothing line. One of them shows a tattoo he got in honor of his daughter, and the women are all, aww! LuAnn says, you never know when you’ll find a gem on the beach. They invite the guys to meet them at a bar later. Ramona toasts to being flexible. Not sure how she means that. As in schedule, or…

The women get ready for dinner. Dorinda says she’s not going; she has horrible diarrhea. She can’t even get off the toilet. Sonja suggests a diaper, and says she’s done it; she had to. I don’t want to know. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, since Cartagena, her intestines have never been the same, It’s ruined some great occasions for her. Leah asks, what’s going on? and I love how everyone is congregating in Dorinda’s room when she just got done saying she has horrible diarrhea. Dorinda says, it’s every ten minutes, and LuAnn says she can smell it. She’s getting the Chanel all-over body spray. She sprays the room, and Dorinda says, clear the runway, and dashes into the bathroom. In Ramona’s interview, she says she feels bad that Dorinda can’t join them. Then again, she’s been testy, and they can see how it is without her.

They go to the restaurant, and toast, to girlfriends. The guys, who finally introduce themselves as Phillip and Pascal, arrive, and LuAnn asks them to join the table. In Sonja’s interview, she says, of course Ramona is acting like she’s in heat. She’s always in heat. Sonja tells her, it’s company, not a tug-of-war. Sonja tells Phillip that she’s kissing him later. He asks what the relationship between them is, and Leah takes the floor. She says she has a love/hate relationship with Ramona. Ramona judges her more harshly than the others. She thinks it’s because Ramona loves her, but she’s confused. She thought Sonja was a bitch at first – we flash back to, 1985 is over! – but they had a breakthrough, and Sonja is the kindest, most loving soul ever. She points to LuAnn, and says, this bitch is a legend. They locked eyes, and have been friends forever. I think Phillip was just looking for something like, we’re all friends, or we’re at a family reunion. In her interview, Leah says, they like to act like nice society women, but they’re really regular chicks. A line of waiters comes out, some with bottles that have sparklers attached, some of them carrying sparklers sans bottles. It’s some kind of shot presentation that I’m sure involves tequila. Ramona and LuAnn dance, then Pascal, who we’ve found out is engaged, joins in. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, diarrhea shows up when you need it the most. Dorinda needed to chill, and they needed a good time. Pascal thinks Ramona is 44, and she says she’s 63. Leah makes out with Phillip, and Sonja says, she’s a lot younger, so she’s quick on the draw.

Ramona brings Dorinda coffee, and tells her that the restaurant was beautiful. Leah was getting feisty. She shows Dorinda a video of Leah and Phillip intertwined. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, the one who got away. Ramona didn’t get that one in her little clutches. Ramona says, Leah is like an untamed horse. She doesn’t always have the best decorum. Leah comes in, saying her ears were ringing. LuAnn follows, and Sonja asks if the guys stayed. LuAnn says she was exhausted. Dorinda asks if she’s ready for the blessing, and LuAnn say she needs a shaman today. Dorinda explains that afterwards, they’ll go in the water, and then have a beautiful lunch. Leah says she makes fun of the women being old, but she peed the bed. In her interview, she says they’re rubbing off on her, and not in a good way. Leah tells the women, she told Phillip that she hasn’t had sex in a while, and she wasn’t having it with him. He was a great kisser, but too bossy. Sonja suggests Leah have some electrolytes. Leah says she needs something.

Leah says she feels like hell, but if she wants to have any self-respect left, she needs to keep up with women twice her age. Sonja tells her, don’t do green juice; it makes you poop. Good to know. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she wants to get the women out every day. They’re like toddlers. Get them exhausted, and they stay out of trouble. She’s curious to see what they get out of this. LuAnn flips through some pictures she’s collected of various dudes, including someone she says won American Idol. They realize Ramona, LuAnn, and Tinsley all went out with him. (See below for speculation on who it is.) Dorinda says, it’s like duck-that-goose with men. LuAnn says he’s been in her shows. In Sonja’s interview, she says she can’t take any of her guys around this group.

Shaman Julian (not a name you’d associate with such an exotic profession) and guide Rebeca meet the women at… the shaman place. Okay, I wasn’t paying attention. It looks something like a nature preserve, and Julian says he’s going to ask the trees, animals, and birds to take care of them. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she’s a spiritual person, but now she’s scared. Every bird started to go crazy. He burns some sage, or whatever they burn, and it’s over pretty quickly. Leah says, hopefully, it helps hangovers. Rebeca tells them to get on their bathing suits, and they’re given lifejackets for propelling. Apparently, this is dropping down into a hole, where there’s water underneath. A guy named JJ puts harnesses on them, and goes down first. Sonja wonders why she should throw herself into that, and in her interview, says she skis on the bunny hill, and puts on a helmet. LuAnn goes next. Leah asks if she’s scared, but LuAnn says, no. It sure looks scary. She lands in the pool below, and Dorinda goes next, and goes fast. In Dorinda’s interview, she says the thing people don’t know about her is that she’s athletic. She’s quite agile – ask John. Leah starts to freak out, and Ramona is shocked at her reaction. She tells Leah that she looks hot, like this will fix it. Sonja and Ramona take a pass, and the others come out in a cave, and swim through to the outside. Leah tells JJ that it’s one of the best things she’s done in her life. It’s incredibly beautiful, with dolomites all over the place, and some bats; little, pretty ones. I would definitely do this if it didn’t involve dropping down that hole. Ramona and Sonja meet them at the end. In Ramona’s interview, she says she feels bouncy, buoyant, and happy. Even Dorinda liked it. Leah is amazed at how beautiful and magical it is, and swears it has healing powers. She’s feeling so much better. She says they’re her hangover shaman.

The women move on to lunch. Sonja says she sees herself in Mexico, living in a grass hut on the beach, gardening all day. Hmmm… somehow I don’t see that. Leah talks about saging her last boyfriend’s negative energy out of her vagina. In her interview, she says, better a crystal in her vajayjay than a stick up her ass. They sit down for lunch, and Hannah calls Dorinda, telling her something about being paid to help put together a catalog. In LuAnn’s interview, she thinks Dorinda is a hypocrite, since she yelled at Sonja and Leah about using their computers at breakfast. Sonja says Dorinda yelled at them when they did that, and Dorinda says, it’s her daughter. Dorinda goes on and on, as always, and Ramona asks, where’s this anger coming from? Dorinda makes a show of telling Hannah they don’t want her to talk to her daughter. Ramona says she hates when Dorinda does this, and LuAnn says Dorinda has done it to her; she’s blown up on all of them. In Leah’s interview, she agrees Dorinda’s temper is too much, but this isn’t the way to go about it. Dorinda says she needs to wish her daughter success, but can’t do it in front of them. She thanks Ramona for the advice, and Ramona says they just want to help her. Dorinda says there’s nothing they can help her with, as she jets away from the table. Ramona says Dorinda needs help about getting angry, and starts to cry, saying, it’s upsetting. Why is Dorinda doing this? LuAnn says, Dorinda turns it around. In Sonja’s interview, she says she can’t believe Ramona’s crocodile tears; they’re distracting from their cause, and giving Dorinda the perfect excuse to run off. Sonja tells Ramona, it’s not about that. Why does she have to be right? Dorinda comes back, and asks if they’re good; Ramona was getting hysterical. She sarcastically adds that she realizes it was traumatizing. In her interview, Ramona says, maybe she should give up. She’s seen Dorinda do it to Leah, and wonders why Leah didn’t jump in. Leah asks why Ramona is mad at her. She agrees with them, but she’s not mad at Dorinda. Ramona says she’s upset, and Leah says, the three of them were talking. Why should she join in? In her interview, she says Ramona has consistently said nasty things to her, while Dorinda’s had her back. Why would she turn on Dorinda? Sonja says, it’s going to be a long ride back together

Next time, LuAnn wants Ramona to be real, Sonja has her Century 21 lanch, and Sonja misses cabaret rehearsal

👩🏼‍💻 Quick news flash. Sonja was a guest on Watch What Happens Live tonight, and Andy asked if she believed the pirate when he said he and LuAnn hadn’t hooked up. Sonja said that’s not what the pirate told her. So mystery unsolved. She was also very astute when she talked about the reunion. She must be cleansing – i.e. staying away from alcohol.

🎤 And the Idol Is…

Speculation has it that Constantine Maroulis is the Idol who Tinsley, LuAnn, and Ramona dated. Although the only thing anyone is going by is the fact he dated Tinsley. Whether or not Constantine is the new Harry Dubin has yet to be confirmed.

https://meaww.com/rhony-real-housewives-of-new-york-city-ramona-tinsley-luann-dated-american-idol-constantine-maroulis

🥇 Better Than Mine…

I love Vulture’s snarky recaps. I wish I had the time to put this much thought into it. They make me literally LOL.

https://www.vulture.com/article/real-housewives-of-new-york-city-recap-season-12-episode-18-all-the-wrong-cenotes.html

🗽 Not Live, But In Person…

The Reunion probably makes them want to socially distance on a good day.

https://tvdeets.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-york-city-score-in-person-reunion-taping/

https://www.inquisitr.com/6193840/andy-cohen-rhony-reunion-not-outside/?platform=hootsuite

🍕 No Joe Though…

It’s doubtful we’ll see much of Juicy Joe unless it’s on video chat.

https://tvdeets.com/teresa-giudice-to-be-heavily-featured-on-rhonj-season-11/

🍹 There Goes Another One…

Are there any women left on Southern Charm? I’m sad to see most of them go. It’s always been one of my favorites, and it’s like the family broke apart.

https://pagesix.com/2020/08/12/eliza-limehouse-leaving-southern-charm-after-one-season/

🎧 Hey, Mike…

Sonny isn’t the only one who recognized music helps those with Alzheimer’s.

https://alz.org/blog/alz/august-2020/film-the-cuban%E2%80%9D-shows-the-power-of-music-for-peop

🚶🏽‍♀️ Sleep Walking…

And typing, and reading, and… As I always say, that’s okay, I’ll sleep in the next life. But in this life, stay safe, stay unruffled, and stay fixing your thoughts on what is true, right, and admirable.