What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Drew hears something, and tells Jason, heads up. A guard comes in, and undoes Drew’s shackles. Drew asks where he’s going, and the guard says he’ll know soon enough. Drew flashes back to telling Jason that he can’t stop himself; Jason has to stop him. He remembers Jason saying, it won’t come to that, and him telling Jason, if it does, he’d rather die at Jason’s hands, than carry out another one of Peter’s orders. In the present, he says, Jason knows what he wants, and said he would do it. Jason says, it’s not going to come to that, and Drew is hustled out.

Valentin says he hates that Robert struck a deal with the WSB, and Anna asks why Robert didn’t give them a heads up that this deal was imminent. Robert says, it was the Bureau’s call; Victor didn’t give them much choice. He knows all manner of damning information. Besides, his attorney threatened a press conference. Anna asks who his attorney is, and Robert says, Scott Baldwin. Valentin says, Scott Baldwin is an ambulance chaser, and Robert says, the ambulance chaser is smarter than he looks. He didn’t give them any room to negotiate. Anna says, the Bureau would have negotiated if Robert had told them sooner, and Valentin says, he and Anna know where Peter is, and it’s a place he knows like the back of his hand – Cassadine Island.

Peter tells Britt that he still hasn’t heard from Victor. It’s possible he’s alluding the WSB now too. She treats his hand, and he tells her that it’s not safe there anymore. They need to leave. She says, leave the island? And go where? There’s a knock at the door, and Peter says, come in. A guard comes in with Obrecht, and Britt asks if she’s allowed to greet her mother. Peter says, go ahead, and Britt and Obrecht hug. He says, you’re welcome.

Cameron asks Trina how many books she wants on the display table, and she says, as many as they can carry. They’re selling like crazy. He says he’s so sorry for dropping postcards on the floor, but she says, it’s fine. She nearly dropped a pitcher of water on herself before she came in. He says, nerves? and she asks if he can tell. He says she looks calm, cool, and composed, and she says, liar, but she appreciates the support. Cameron says, if Josslyn was here, she’d say the same. They’re both extremely excited for her. She says, thanks for the love, and hugs him. He says, anytime, and Esme lurks in the doorway.

Nikolas tells Joel Sartore, theses photos are amazing, and Joel thanks him, saying, if he likes these, look at the frog over here. Nikolas says he loves frogs, and follows Joel.

Ned tells Ava, he can’t decide which of these photographs he admires more, and she says, there wouldn’t be any photos at all if he hadn’t underwritten the exhibit. She thanks him for making this more than just a dream for Trina, and he thanks her for thinking the photo exhibit was worthy of her gallery. ELQ always welcomes the chance to champion a worthy cause. She says, and if it helps him score points with Olivia, all the better, right? Olivia comes in with Leo.

Sasha says she did a bad thing, and Brando says he knows. When she left his apartment last night, he noticed some butter pecan was missing from his freezer. She says, okay, two bad things. She knows they didn’t want to know the sex of their baby until he or she was born… He says, she found out, and she says, she didn’t ask, but she knows.

Gladys says Kip isn’t fooling her. He’s no more Bailey’s father than Valentin is. He says, he is the father. He’s just posing as a cater waiter and amateur actor to keep an eye on Gladys. If she slips up, there will be consequences. She laughs, and says, like what? He’s going to spill his tray on her? Don’t bother staying in character. That gun he threatened her with was fake, wasn’t it? Brook sees them talking, and says, Pauly. She didn’t expect to see him there tonight. Gladys tells her, next time, don’t pick out somebody who has to pass out canapes to pay his electricity bill, and Brook says, Pauly has two jobs. It’s called a side-hustle. She’s sure Gladys is familiar with the term, considering she’s been hustling her entire life. Gladys says, and the fact that his fellow cater waiters call him Kip? That’s only question number one. She has so many more about Brook’s baby daddy. Kip says, these kabobs aren’t going to serve themselves, and jets. Brook tries to hand Gladys her credit card, but Gladys says, this little charade she tried to pull, just upped the stakes.

Anna says, she’ll establish a team to raid the island, and Valentin says, the place is a fortress. The WSB is going to need help; he’s going with her. Robert tells him, says the man who was shot, and can’t get to the bathroom without help, and Valentin tells him to go file a brief. Anna says, she doesn’t think there’s room enough on the plane for both their egos. She’ll be going to Cassadine Island, and she’s not taking either one of them.

Ned says he’s glad they came, and Olivia says, Leo wanted to see the animals. Ned says he can’t wait to show Leo the photographs; he’s going to love them. Olivia says, hopefully, Leo’s favorite animal is here, and Ned says, what about her? What is she hoping for tonight?

Trina and Cameron come out, and Esme asks what they were up to. Trina says, what does it look like? Cam’s helping her. Esme says, it looks like he was holding a lot more than her books, and Trina asks what she’s talking about. Esme says she just thinks it’s so sweet that Cameron supports her, and Cameron says he’s right here. Trina says, that’s what friends do. Not that Esme would understand.

Nikolas says he’s surprised to see Spencer, and Spencer says he’s there to support Trina. No other reason. Nikolas says, Ava’s fine with that, and Spencer says, and him? Nikolas says he went by Kelly’s the other night, but Spencer wasn’t there. Spencer says, now is not a good time. He’s not going to ruin the night with their family dysfunction. It’s nice to have a night off serving tables. He’d like to enjoy the peace. He leaves, and Ava tells Nikolas, baby steps, my love.

Britt tells Obrecht that she’s okay, and says she wants to check Obrecht’s bandages. Peter says her mother was very well taken care of, and Britt says, there’s no sign of infection. She thanks Peter for giving her and her mother this time together, and Peter says, see? He’s not really the monster people think he is. Now that he’s done this little favor for Britt, she can repay him. He takes a paper out of his pocket, and says, Britt and Jason will be recorded reading this statement, verbatim. She looks at it, and says, please tell her this is a joke. Obrecht asks what it says, and Peter says he doesn’t trust Jason. He was much to docile during his demonstration. Britt remembers that, right? The part where Drew almost killed Jason, but decided to hurt himself instead? Britt says she has to give it to their late and unlamented father, he was the best at mind control. He really messed up Drew, and now Peter gets to reap the benefits. Kind of like finding a sportscar waiting in your garage that you did nothing to earn, and probably don’t know how to drive, but you take it anyway. He says, just make sure Jason says what’s on the paper, or this next time, Drew will kill Jason, and he’ll make her watch. The guard comes in and takes Britt. Obrecht tries to follow, but Peter grabs her arm, and she tells him not to touch her. If he harms her daughter, she will kill him. He tells her, calm down. He’s now secured the lab, so no more throwing any dangerous substances at him. Which now brings him to the part where he tells her, there’s not anything she or anyone else can do to stop him.

Britt is brought in to join Jason, and the guard gives her the paper, saying, stick to the script. She tells Jason that Peter wrote it, and the guard takes out his phone to film. Britt reads, today in Port Charles is Tuesday, November 16^th. She’s Britt Westbourne, and she’s being held with Jason Morgan and her mother Liesl Obrecht. 

Obrecht says, Peter craves power and control, just like his father, but Peter says, the only thing he craves is his family. She laughs, and asks if he really thinks Maxie would take him back after everything he’s done. How many people has he killed? How many lives has he destroyed? He says she’s not here for her opinion; he needs her medical expertise. Drew is brought in, and Peter says he needs another check-up. He wants Drew in tip-top shape. Drew asks, why? and Peter says, because Drew has another job to do, where failure is not an option.

Looking at a bird photo, Olivia says, it’s so striking the way he’s captured the gold in the feathers, and Ned tells her, it says dancing is part of their mating ritual. She says, it’s breathtaking. She doesn’t know how Joel Sartore does it. Ned wonders if she’d like to ask him herself, and she asks if he can make that happen. He says, doesn’t she know by now, he’d do anything for her.

Brook asks what Gladys wants. A raise? A spectacular vacation package? Shares in Deception? Gladys says, how about a controlling interest? and Brook says, not only is that outrageous, she doesn’t have the power to do that. Gladys says, then make it within her power, or Valentin learns he’s not the biological father of his beloved Bailey. Olivia approaches with Ned and Leo, and tells Brook that Ned is going to introduce them to Joel. Would she like to join them? Leo says he wants to show Brook his favorite picture, and Olivia asks if he doesn’t want to meet the photographer. Leo shakes his head, and says he wants to look at the picture, and Ned says, sounds like Leo has his priorities straight. Brook tells them to go ahead; she’ll show Leo his picture. Olivia tells Leo to stick with Brook, and leaves with Ned. Brook tells Leo to give her a second, and tells Gladys, they’ll talk terms later. Gladys says she doesn’t think so. She doesn’t like Brook’s attitude, and her friend Valentin deserves the truth. She’s sure he’ll be appropriately grateful. Gladys walks off, and Leo pulls at Brook.

Esme says, Trina is right. She doesn’t always understand friendship, especially since she hasn’t had any close friends in her life. Cameron says, not even at boarding school? and Esme says, it was just Spence and her. She thinks the other girls were jealous. Cameron says he’s going to put the books on the display table, and Trina says she’ll be right behind him. Esme tells Trina, congratulations again on the exhibit, and getting ELQ to underwrite it. Very impressive. Trina thanks her, and Esme says, Spence could bankroll future exhibits, if only he had his trust fund. Trina says, Spence will make his own money by not relying on his dad, and working hard, but Esme says, Spence isn’t going to generate much of revenue stream working at a diner. Trina says, he’s making an honest living. Something Esme knows nothing about.

Brando asks how Sasha knows the sex of their baby, and she says, by accident. She fully intended to stick to their agreement, but a nurse accidentally revealed the baby’s sex when she scheduled an appointment by email. He asks if she’s disappointed it won’t be a surprise, but she says, actually, now that she knows, she’s even more excited. The baby seems more real to her. He puts his hand on her bump, and says, this isn’t real enough? What about the constant trips to the bathroom and butter pecan cravings? She says, true, but now she can really picture their baby. Does he want to wait until the baby is born, or should she tell him what they’re having?

Nikolas tells Trina, congratulations on the exhibit; it’s fantastic. Trina says she couldn’t have done it without Ava’s support, and Ava says, it’s her pleasure. She saw Trina’s mother, and she loves the photos. She’s so proud of Trina, as is Ava. Nikolas asks if Trina is at least going to enjoy her moment in the sun, but Trina says she can’t relax until after the presentation. Does Ava still want her to give it; it’s her gallery. Ava says, it’s Trina’s exhibition; Trina takes the credit. Nikolas’s phone rings, and he excuses himself to take the call. Trina tells Ava, her art professor came by earlier, and said she aced the class, and Ava says, her hard work and dedication have already paid off. Please do herself a favor and enjoy this moment. Trina says she’ll try, but can’t make any promises. How about Ava? This is as much her night as Trina’s. Is it going well? Ava looks over at Nikolas on the phone, and says, it seems her night might be taking a turn for the worse.

Britt reads that she, Jason, and Obrecht haven’t been harmed. They’ve been treated fairly, and have been assured by Peter August that they’ll remain safe as long as his instructions are followed. Peter has no interest in hurting them. He just wants justice for himself. While Peter works to attain that justice, these are his requirements to all of them. She shows Jason the paper. I always think these statements are so useless, since it’s always obvious the hostage is just reciting what they’ve been told.

Olivia tells Joel, the photographs are spectacular… fantastic. She asks Ned to help her out; she’s running out of adjectives. Ned says, he thinks she’s trying to say she loves Joel’s work. Olivia asks if those are his books on display, and Joel says, indeed. That’s Photo Ark Wonders; it’s celebrating diversity in the animal kingdom. She says she’ll have to pick one up for her son Leo; he’s fascinated with animals. Joel says, he might also like the children’s book they do, Photo Ark ABC. It’s never too early to get kids involved in conservation. Ned says he couldn’t agree more, which is why he already purchased both of the books. Joel says, outstanding, and excuses himself to sign some books. Olivia says, just incredible, and Ned says he couldn’t agree more. Mr. Sartore’s mission is truly incredible. She says she was talking about him. She knows he was thinking about her and Leo when he underwrote the exhibit. Then he bought the books. She’s running out of adjectives to describe him too. He says, that counts for something, and she says, that counts for a lot.

Brando tells Sasha, he’s torn. He wants to know the sex of their baby, but was looking forward to the surprise. She says, he doesn’t have to make up his mind right now. They have a little time before her due date. He says, so she’s going to be planning for the baby in secrecy? She says, like buying baby clothes, thinking about names… He says he thought they were coming up with names together, and she says, they will. What about Charlie? Or Parker? He says, those names can be used for boys and girls.

Spencer looks at a tiger photo, and Esme says, isn’t he beautiful? Spencer says, so proud; arrogant even. She says, like the Cassadines, and he says, he thinks they’re both on the verge of extinction. She says, he’s in a mood. Let her cheer him up. Guess who she saw snuggled up in the back room of the gallery? He says, he should care why? and she says, because it was Cam and Trina. Poor Joss. Her best friend and her boyfriend? He says, whatever she thinks she saw, it couldn’t have been that deep. Cameron and Josslyn are happy, and Trina would never betray a friend. She says, Trina’s not as perfect as he thinks, and he says, but she is honest. She doesn’t deal in dirty tricks. Esme says, unlike her.

Ava asks if everything is okay, and Nikolas says, apparently, Scotty convinced the WSB to cut Victor a deal. She says, what kind of deal? and he says, the kind that grants him full immunity. It’s possible Victor gave up Peter or something else of value, but whatever it was, Victor is walking the streets of Port Charles a free man.

Anna asks where Victor is now, and Robert says, the Bureau has him under surveillance. She says, he’s the former director; he created the surveillance protocol. He knows how to evade them. Valentin says, they can’t risk Victor warning Peter, and Anna says she’s leaving now. Her phone beeps, and she looks at it. She says, they have to see this, and they all look at the screen. Jason says, do not attempt to find Peter August and apprehend him. Do not attempt to find Britt Westbourne, Liesl Obrecht, or himself. Peter has the ability to monitor the activities of the WSB, as well as rogue individuals who attempt to find them. Any attempt to catch Peter or free his hostages will result in their deaths.

Britt hugs Jason, and says she hates leaving him. He says he’s got this, and she says she knows he does. She walks out, and the guard follows.

Drew says he refuses to feel like a trained lap dog anymore, and Peter says, refuse all he wants; it won’t make any difference. He’ll still do what Peter says; he literally holds all the cards. Drew says, go to hell, and Peter shoves Obrecht’s medical bag at her, causing her to double over. She says, he’s incapable of earning loyalty. He believes the stick is better than the carrot. How alone he must be, surrounded by minions instead of friends. Drew says he heard Maxie can’t even bear to be around Peter, and Peter says he and Maxie will be reunited. Drew will be the one to make it happen, or he’ll die trying.

Ava says, so much for Nikolas’s assurances that Victor won’t be a problem, but Nikolas doesn’t think Victor threw him under the bus, or he’d be in custody already. She says, what about mercenary being treated at GH? Does he know anything that could implicate Nikolas in any way? Nikolas says he’s fine. He just wishes he knew how Victor managed his immunity deal. What’s that look on her face mean? She says, it’s not the best time right now, and he asks if she’d feel better if he found out what Victor offered for his immunity. It means he’ll have to leave now. Ava tells him, go. She can’t be looking over her shoulder. If it’s not Spencer stalking her, it’s some other Cassadine crawling out of the woodwork ready to wreak havoc in their lives. He promises that’s not going to happen, and kisses her. He tells her, congratulations again on the exhibition, and leaves.

Spencer says, when he said Trina didn’t deal in dirty tricks, he wasn’t implying Esme did. She asks what he did mean, and he says, that Trina isn’t wired the way most people are; she’s not petty. She tells him, he should have heard what Trina said to her about not knowing what it’s like to work a real job. It sounded kind of petty to her. He says, Esme doesn’t know what it’s like to work a real job. He says he has no interest in fighting with her, especially when they have the opportunity for a rare night out. She looks incredible, not to mention there’s free food and the champagne is flowing, and they don’t have to pay for any of it. She says, the exhibit’s not so bad either, and he says, it doesn’t get any better than this. She says, and Trina arranged all of it, and he says, she probably had help from Ava. He can give credit where credit is due. Why can’t she? She says, he’s right. She hopes Trina has a night she never forgets.

Brook asks what Leo likes about the photo of the octopus, and Kip comes out. She goes over to him, and he says he’s really sorry about what happened. She says she told him to lie low. Working as a cater waiter at an exhibition isn’t lying low. He says he knows, but you never know who you’ll meet at these things. Chris Pratt was discovered working at a shrimp restaurant. She says, Chris Pratt has talent. He asks if she smoothed things over with Gladys, and she says, don’t worry about it. It’s not his fault. Who’d have thought Gladys would show up here? Her idea of good art is kitten videos. He says, so she’ll recommend him to her friends? She says, don’t push it, and goes back to the picture, but Leo is gone.

Sasha asks if Gladys is enjoying the exhibit, and Gladys says, you betcha. Sasha wouldn’t believe what she’s learning. She leaves, and Brando wonders why he gets the feeling his mother is up to something. Sasha says, maybe because she always is up to something. They look at the panda photo, and Sasha suggests buying a print for baby Riley or Billie’s nursery. He says, why not? The truth is, he doesn’t need to know who or what their baby will be, to be prepared for the baby’s arrival. All he cares about is that little Reese or Jamie or Blake turns out just as magnificent as their mother.

Trina asks if Ava is okay, and Ava says she’s fine. Isn’t it about time for Trina to make her presentation to Mr. Sartore? Trina says she just needs to grab the flowers and check from ELQ in the back room. Ava tells her, do that while she makes the introductions.

Esme starts to follow Trina, but Cameron intercepts her. She says she can’t talk right now, but he asks if she has a minute. There’s something he needs to clear up.

Joel tells Ned, the Arabian cobra was the 12,000^th species in the Photo Ark Project. He didn’t like Joel too much. It was photographed two weeks ago in the Arab Emirates at the Arabian Wildlife Center. Only 8000 more to go. Ned says, Joel’s going to be busy, and Joel says, he is.

Trina gets the flowers, and opens the door to find Gladys. She tells Gladys the ladies room is in the other direction, but Gladys says she was hoping to make a call in private, but Trina says, the back room is off limits to visitors. Gladys says, it’s a matter of life and death, and paternity. She promises not to steal any of the artwork. It’s not her taste anyway. Trina says, all right, but please be quick. Gladys thanks her, and goes inside, but her phone says, no service. She frets that she needs to reach Valentin.

Valentin says, apparently, it’s a rescue mission now, and Robert says they have to make sure they’re not walking into a trap. Anna says, of course (🍷) they are. She wonders how Peter got Obrecht, Britt, and Jason, and Robert says he has to make a call. He leaves, and Valentin says the WSB will have ground plans and schematics, but he knows the island better than they do. Anna says he just got out of surgery, but he says he thought she knew him better than that. She says she does, and knows he’d risk his life for the hostages, but she prefers him alive, if it’s all right with him. He says he hates to say it, but if she’s not going to take him, take Robert. He can make a contribution though. He knows how to get on the island undetected.

Brando asks if Sasha is all right, and she says, it was just a twinge; she gets then once in a while. He says, they can leave, but she says, this is probably one of their last nights out before the baby comes. She’s not ready to cut it short. However, she does need the ladies room. She hands him her phone, and says, the email from the nurse is in her inbox, should he want know what their future looks like.

Cameron thanks Esme for all the planning she’s done for the weekend trip, and she says, they can talk arrangements later, but he says, there’s something he wanted to get clear. He doesn’t want her opinion or advice on whether he and Josslyn should share a room. She says, whatever, and jets.

Ava asks for everyone’s attention. She thanks them for being there. The Jerome Gallery is honored to present the National Geographic Photo Ark, led by National Geographic explorer and photographer Joel Sartore. Everyone applauds, and she says, the National Geographic Photo Ark is an extraordinary multi-year effort to document all species living in zoos, and aquariums and wildlife sanctuaries. And these awe inspiring images around them are just a fraction of the Photo Ark. In fact, Joel announced today that he’s taken portraits of 12,000 species of animals on this planet. There’s more applause.

Gladys keeps trying to get service, but it’s not working. She opens the door, and Sasha is there. Sasha asks what Gladys is doing there, and Gladys says she’s trying to get a phone signal. Her? Sasha says she told Brando that she was going to the ladies room, but she really needed a place to sit quietly for a minute. Does she mind? Gladys says, be her guest, and Sasha sits. Gladys asks if she’s okay, and Sasha says, she just can’t seem to get comfortable anywhere. Gladys says she remembers those days. Brando was a very active baby. She couldn’t wait for him to be born. Brook opens the door, and Gladys says, she’s off the clock. Brook jets, and Gladys says, for the life of her, she doesn’t know how Sasha, Lucy, and Maxie put up with Brook. The three of them actually make a contribution to Deception. BLQ just swans around, giving everyone orders, and wasting everyone’s time. In the hallway, Esme kicks something under the door to keep it from opening, and smiles. Wow, girl. You stupid.

Joel thanks everyone for being there, and says, unfortunately, about a million species are threatened with extinction. He and National Geographic partnered about fifteen years ago to start documenting all 20,000 they think are in the world’s zoos, wildlife sanctuaries, and aquariums. They turned a big corner with their 12,000^th species recently, the Arabian cobra that they can see around the corner. The goal is to engage the public, and to also fund long-term conservation efforts. He wants to take this opportunity to thank Trina Robinson for reaching out to their staff, which led to all this, and also Ava Jerome of Jerome Galleries, also all of them for being there today and caring. Everyone applauds, and he thanks them. Spencer asks Esme where she was, and she says, long line at the ladies room. Ava is sure everyone is eager to buy a print or two for this worthy cause, but first, she knows Trina has something she’d like to present to Mr. Sartore. As many of them know, Trina was the first to make her aware of the Photo Ark Project, and it’s thanks to her efforts that this exhibit is happening at all. She calls for Trina to come out, and they all applaud again.

Drew asks how he’s going to reunite Peter with Maxie, and Peter says he’s going back to Port Charles, and bringing her to him. Obrecht asks if he’s out of his mind. He’s going to kidnap Maxie and bring her back to this godforsaken island against her will? Then what? He says, then Obrecht will use his father’s methods to influence Maxie on his behalf, but Obrecht says, Faison never told her how he did it. Peter tells her, don’t be modest. He knows she’s up to the task, and when she’s finished, Maxie will know she belongs to him.

Ava calls Trina again, and Trina says, she’s here. She comes out with the flowers, and thanks Joel for allowing the gallery to display his fabulous photos. He thanks her, and also wants to thank ELQ for underwriting this. Trina says, ELQ Industries would like to acknowledge the great work he and National Geographic are doing by making a donation to the Photo Ark. Joel thanks them, and says he’s sure it’s generous. Donations are critical to their work. Trina says, all species deserve to be protected. No matter how big or small, they are all beautiful. Brook pulls Ned and Olivia away, and says, she thought Leo might be with them. Olivia says she thought he was with Brook, and Brook says, he was, until he wasn’t. He was looking at a photo, and she only looked away for one second. Olivia says, one second is all it takes for a little boy to disappear, and Ned says, let’s not panic. He has to be somewhere in the gallery. Brook says, she already looked, top to bottom. Elsewhere, Brando looks at Sasha’s phone, and smiles.  

Gladys asks how Sasha is feeling, and Sasha says, better, thanks. The quiet helped. She’s ready to get back to the exhibit. Is Gladys coming? Gladys says she is; maybe she’ll get better service outside. She tries to open the door, but it’s locked. She says, the door is stuck. Don’t sweat it. She’ll get them out in a jiff. She tries again, with no luck, and bangs on the door, asking, is anyone out there? The door is stuck. Let them out.

Anna tells Robert, all set. The Bureau is sending a rescue team to Cassadine Island under her command. Her flight is arranged, and Valentin is working on the intel for how they breach the island undercover. He says he’s secured time off work, unless she thinks his ego is too big for the mission. She looks at him, and he says, come on. She knows he has certain skills and expertise useful on this adventure. She says, then it’s just as well she saved him a seat next to her on the plane, isn’t it? Let’s end this. Let’s really end this once and for all.

Obrecht says, there’s no way Maxie is coming back to Peter, when the guard comes in with Britt. He asks Peter for a word, and Peter tells them, feel free to search the room for lethal weapons to use for their escape. They won’t find any. He leaves with the guard, and Drew asks Obrecht if Peter is right. Can she condition Maxie? She says, she can, and Peter knows it. He threatened Britt to force her to cooperate. Britt says, he’s not going to get that far. Jason is going to stop Peter.

The guard says, preparations are underway for relocation, and Peter says, excellent. Begin the countdown for leaving Cassadine Island. They won’t be coming back. Is that all? The guard says, they’re not sure about the restraints on Jason, but Peter says, Jason won’t be a problem. He’s not coming with them. Jason puts The Chariot tarot card in his pocket.

Before the preview, Sydney Makala (Trina) and Joel Sartore plug the National Geographic Photo Ark. You can visit it at https://www.nationalgeographic.org/projects/photo-ark/ or natgeophotoark.org. And you should.

Tomorrow, Carly thinks she and Phyllis should get to know one another, Ned thinks he knows where Leo is, and Sasha’s water breaks. Like we didn’t figure that was going to happen.

Vanderpump Rules

Lala told Ocean that she was going to meet James today, and James came bearing gifts; a super soft bunny and Ocean’s very first pair of Uggs. I’m sure they were way more than you should ever pay for shoes that will never see the ground, and will be grown out of in three weeks, but they were really cute. Lala asked about the party at Charli’s that was really at Tom and Ariana’s, and he said, Raquel ended up falling asleep on the floor. She was really wasted. Lala asked if that was tough for him, and he said it didn’t affect him, but couldn’t play drinking games. In his interview, he asked if he was that annoying when he drank. How embarrassing. Ariana told Raquel that James’s fuse seemed short, and he was being a bit of a brat. At Lala’s, James said, if Raquel’s nose job didn’t go right, what was going to happen to the relationship? Raquel admitted to Ariana that James often thought about himself before he thought of other people. Ariana asked if Raquel could bring it up to James, and in Raquel’s interview, she said all she wanted was for James to recognize his mistakes. He couldn’t act like that and be impatient when they had kids. James told Lala that he didn’t want a fiancé with a botched nose. Which, if that happened, would be really ironic, since Paul Nassif (Botched) was the surgeon being considered. In James’s interview, he said when he met Raquel, all he knew was that she was a super model from California. Lala said he couldn’t weigh in; it was Raquel’s face. He told her that he’d gotten his face by not doing a single thing, and she said, not all of them were that blessed.

The Toms met with Lisa at Villa Rosa. Puffy! Schwartz said they felt great about the concept for the new bar, but wanted her take on it. They were having trouble selling Greg on it. We flashed back to Greg saying, if they couldn’t tell him what her vision was, how could they move forward? In Schwartz’s interview, he said, Lisa was the only one who could help them nail it. Greg was going to wash his hands, and walk away if they didn’t have something. They showed her a fabric swatch they wanted for the bar stools, and Lisa asked how much it was. Sandoval said, thirty, but was unsure if that was a square foot or yard. In Lisa’s interview, she said, if you’re ordering 100 yards, you can’t afford to be off by 900%. Tom went on a tangent, telling her that it was a funkadelic dive lounge, where you could check your worries at the door. An escape from reality, where they bridge the reality of your best night out with the déjà vu of your future fantasies. He talked about archways on the way to the bathrooms, and conflicting colors with lights that highlighted the hard edges. Then he went on to vines and hanging plants. Lisa said they had to trust her. She knew they had great intention and vision. It wasn’t that she didn’t like what they were telling her, but there was nothing definitive. Greg wasn’t going to put his money and confidence behind something unless he knew it would be a success. When they wanted to deviate, think of her foot firmly up their ass.

Brock explained how to make a baby dress from an old shirt to Scheana’s mom Erika, and in his interview, he said his mom had sewn clothes for him and his siblings. He wanted to teach his family that something old could be turned into something new. Ariana came by, and asked if Scheana wanted to have another baby. Scheana said she’d like Summer to have a sibling, but was concerned about putting her body through pregnancy again because of the issues she’d had. She was thinking of freezing her eggs like Ariana had. In Ariana’s interview, she said, yes, she’d frozen her eggs. She and Scheana were going together, but then Scheana became pregnant. It didn’t mean she was jumping on the baby train, but it was about agency over her own body. And also a f*** you to those who questioned her values or choices. Scheana asked if Ariana was going to use a surrogate, and thought it would be fun if she and Ariana did that at the same time. Ariana was like, no. Katie sent Scheana a  text, saying she was throwing a soiree, and the theme was Man of Mystery and Femme Fatale. Ariana thought it was a ruse to get Scheana and Lala in the same room, and Scheana wished Lala was still the cool chick from five years ago. In her interview, she said, Lala had ruined every friendship, but she continued to come around because she had no other friends. Ariana googled Man of Mystery and got Austin Powers.

Raquel told James it wasn’t cool to call her and Charli dumb at the party, and he said it had been the peak of his tantrum. She told him that he thought about himself before he thought about others. The comment that had most disturbed her was when he said he was the one who had to look at her effing face for the rest of his life. In his interview, James said he saw how the Beverly Hills moms got work done, and didn’t want Raquel to turn into that. James told Raquel that if his nose got botched, she’d leave him, and she said, would he leave her? He said no, and she suggested he not vocalize whatever was in his head. His number one job as her fiancé should be to support her, not add to her stress. He admitted he was wrong, and said it was a learning curve for him. The Toms were meeting with Greg and designer Lucinda at the new bar, and Schwartz brought Katie. In Schwartz’s interview, he said he wanted her to be impressed. In Sandoval’s interview, he said, Katie invited herself. She thinks it’s a seat in the boardroom, but she’s just there for bring your wife to work day. Greg asked if everything was ready, and Sandoval went on a mini tangent, saying it was going to be a vibrant, funky dive lounge; featuring Americana food, and simple, fresh, and playfully unique mixology. Greg said he liked the concept, and they showed Greg some expensive décor choices. Sandoval said it was all about the details, but Greg said, give him the same wow for less. He wanted a mission statement, and Sandoval said it was a funkadelic dive lounge, where you could check your worries at the door. An escape from reality, where they bridge the reality of your best night out with the déjà vu of your future fantasies. They clearly didn’t understand the concept of a mission statement, and Greg said it was a word salad; he got lost. Katie asked what did they want to accomplish, and how were they going to accomplish it. Greg thought Katie should take their place, which pissed Sandoval off royally. In Katie’s interview, she said she knew what she was doing, saying, and talking about. To piss Sandoval off even more, Greg said Katie was going to help them.  

Everyone got ready for Katie’s soiree. James figured his London accent was half the costume, and he didn’t need to wear a shirt. In Katie’s interview, she said they’d all been wearing sweatpants for the last year and a half. She wanted to class this bitch up. Katie mentioned Scheana having been in a show called Femme Fatales, and said it was very racy. There’s a word I haven’t heard in a long time. In her interview, Katie said they’d all come there to get into entertainment. While the rest of them were pulling double shifts at SUR, Scheana was doing what she could to make her dream come true. In Scheana’s interview, she wondered why it had to be brought up. Now everyone would google it, and see her boobs. Which was really her way of saying, google it so you can see her boobs. Everyone looked fabulous, and in Schwartz’s interview, he said it was like being in his own spy fantasy. He wished Lisa was there. Ariana asked about the meeting, and Sandoval said it went well. Katie told them about her part in it, and in James’s interview, he said Katie knew what buttons to push when it came to Sandoval, and it was spectacular to watch. Carry on. Lala asked to borrow Scheana to talk in private. She said she know Scheana had pent up issues that she’d thought they squashed, and Scheana said she needed to know where Lala was coming from. They were good, and she’d moved on, but at Lisa’s, Lala decided to be a mean girl effing bitch. Lala said Scheana was villainizing her and then playing the victim. Scheana had brought around a lot of sh*tty guys, and Lala had been concerned about her and the baby. Scheana said she thought Lala hadn’t been genuine, and in her interview, she said it was hard to trust Lala after being the butt of Lala’s jokes for years. They had a pattern of Lala hurting her, then Scheana forgiving her. She said she needed to know that Lala genuinely cared about her, and it wasn’t an act. Lala said she was trying to make changes. She was realizing how her words affected people. Scheana was willing to move past it, and they hugged it out. In Scheana’s interview, she said she thought Lala was coming from a good place, but her delivery was f***ed up. Lala told Brock that she’d talked to Scheana, and they were good. Since he was Scheana’s SO, she wanted to make sure they were straight. She didn’t mean to come for him, but thought her concerns were valid. Brock said he hadn’t liked how she said she was sorry, but that’s just the way she was. He thought she was condescending. She said she was like a fine wine; some people liked it, and others wanted wine from a box. He said he preferred scotch.

Hanky and Panky! Schwarz visited Villa Rosa – Schnookie! – on a mission to pick up a serving platter. It took him ten minutes to explain what he wanted, and in Lisa’s interview, she said it was going to be hard to be a restaurant owner if he didn’t know what a serving platter was. She took him to the basement to look around, and in his interview, he said he was disappointed there wasn’t a sexy pink dungeon down there. He told Lisa that he was developing guilt about putting work before his family. He wanted to help them financially. In Schwartz’s interview, he said his family was having a rough go. His parents had separated, and his brother hadn’t been working since the pandemic. He’d been sending them a few hundred dollars a month to help keep their heads above water, but he was strapped. Lisa said it wasn’t his responsibility, and should wait until the business was up and running. He said he was also stressed about the loan; it hadn’t come through yet. In his interview, he said he and Sandoval were in different places. Sandoval’s parents were investing in the bar, while he was pinching pennies. It was like a cash register in his head, adding up the accumulating debt.

Brock told Charli about Lala and Scheana making up, and Scheana said Lala had seemed genuine. Brock said he’d put Lala in her place, but was still wary. In his interview, he said he wanted to give Scheana the opportunity to be friends with Lala, if that’s what she wanted. In Charli’s interview, she said she couldn’t imagine talking sh*t about someone, and being friends with them the next day. And if she knew someone who did that, she’d think they were going to do it to her too. Everyone met for drinks, and Schwartz told Katie about his finance anxiety. She said he’d just won $900, and in her interview, she said Schwartz’s gambling had been problematic. He’d gambled away the naming rights of their first born. We saw a clip of Randall saying the baby’s name would be Pickle. Katie said he needed to get it under control immediately. She thought he was putting too much pressure on himself about the family, and had to let her in to his thoughts and feelings. Charli said all the girls had WikiFeet profiles, which is new to me, but apparently it’s a feet rating. Or as Charli put it, a beauty pageant for your feet. I’d score a minus something. I wondered if Jax invented it, and Charli said they should submit Raquel’s nose, which is a terrible idea, considering Raquel’s insecurities. In Lala’s interview, she said that she didn’t want Brock to have to defend himself anymore, and she was sick of defending herself. He was the dude that her friend chose, and she’d have to trust Scheana’s judgement. Brock apologized for not moving past the situation, and Lala said she’d had some bad timing. Charli talked to Sandoval about Brock confronting Lala, and Lala wanted to make sure she and Charli were good. I guess it was some sort of mini apology tour. Charli said her problem was with not knowing what she would get. Tom said all the fights were ones Lala picked. She’d talked sh*t about Ariana, and then Brock. Lala said she’d dealt with it, but Tom said he wanted her to grow, and stop picking fights. She was being immature. In Tom’s interview, he said Lala was the one lighting the fuse, then played the victim. It was getting really effing old. In Lala’s interview, she said, the only thing growing on Tom was the heinous mustache that prepubescent boys got. (See more on that below.) She said she was going insane, and was going to have to shut him down.

Next time, swimming, shots, James goes to therapy, and Lala talks to Schwartz about Sandoval.

🐶 Vanderpump Dogs was back on at 11:30 pm for a marathon. This is the best show in the world. Lisa in her element, and dogs, dogs, and more dogs. The highlight of one episode was a pregnant pup who’d been found in a parking lot, giving birth to 13 (!) babies. The nicest bee farmer ever gave her a forever home. I wanted to go with them.

👨🏻 The Heinous Stache…

The one Lala said prepubescent boys get.

🥀 Last Dance…

While I am not a LisaR fan, I did like her mom, and this is a great tribute.

https://people.com/tv/rhobh-star-lisa-rinna-pays-tribute-to-mom-lois-after-her-death/

🧝 What’s Sleep Got To Do With It…?

Stop by tomorrow, for soap, that godawful House I can’t stop watching, and who knows what? Until then, stay safe, stay separating the wheat from the chaff, and stay not being a cater waiter if you’re trying to lie low.