What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Chase finds Brook getting coffee in the nook, and tells her that Bailey is conked out. She says she wishes Bailey slept this much at the beach house, but Chase says, she’ll get used to the new digs; just give her a minute. She says, they’ll probably be out of there by the time that happens, and Chase says, then Peter will be locked up, and Bailey can go home. She says, and they can officially stop pretending. They hear Bailey cry on the monitor, and touch hands as they’re both reaching for it. Chase says, he’ll go, and leaves.

Michael says, Wiley is excited to see his cousin Bailey today, and Willow says, he misses her. Michael asks if she’s ready to go to the house, but she says, she’s actually waiting for her mom to drop by. She still can’t find any record of her birth certificate, and needs to get her passport application in. He says, oui, oui, and she asks if that’s the only French word he knows. He says, oui, and she laughs, saying, she really hopes her mom has a copy. He says they can’t go to Paris without one, and kisses her.

Kristina shows up at Alexis’s office with coffee, and says, stop the presses. Local editor’s down, unharmed, coaxed from behind the desk with caffeine. Alexis reaches for the cup, and says, bless you. She takes a sip, and says, hello, my daughter. Kristina says, hello, mother. She came to observe Alexis in her natural habitat. She picks up a placard from Alexis’s desk, and reads, truth never damages a cause that is just. She says she likes it, and Alexis says, Harmony gave it to her. Kristina says, just the person she wanted to talk about.

Britt meets Austin in Kelly’s, and he says he wants to get a female perspective. What does it mean when a woman kisses a man?

Maxie adjusts the chairs for the vow renewal at the Quartermaines, and flashes back to kissing Austin. Brook asks if she’s ready. Guests are arriving; it’s time to open the doors. Maxie says, first, she has to tell Brook something, and Brook says, uh-oh. Unless it’s not an uh-oh. Maxie says, it’s definitely an uh-oh. Austin remembered something. Brook says, something as in… and Maxie says, he remembered hearing them talking the night Louise was born.

Dante tells Leo that he’s looking sharp (we’re back to the usual Leo), and Leo says, it’s not itchy. Ned says, Leo is wearing a T-shirt under his shirt instead of a button-down. Dante says, button-downs can be itchy; what’s with that? Leo shrugs, and Dante says, it doesn’t matter. Once Leo’s mother walks in the room, no one is going to notice them anyway. Ned tells him, you can say that again, and Olivia walks down the stairs, smiling at Ned.

Drew sees Carly alone in one of the rooms, and asks what she’s doing there. She says she’s hiding, and he says he hates to break it to her, but she’s not going to be very successful looking like that. She says, still the charmer, and he says, it’s the truth. He tells her, hiding isn’t usually her style, and she says she doesn’t feel like herself these days. She’s nervous to see Sonny. How ridiculous is that? He asks what exactly she’s nervous about, and she says she doesn’t want their issues to cast a shadow over Olivia and Ned. He says, she doesn’t think Sonny gets that? and she says, here’s hoping.

Sonny comes in as Ned is thanking Laura for officiating today. She says, it’s an honor. She wouldn’t have missed it for the world. She’s so sorry Doc couldn’t be here, but there was another patient emergency. Olivia says they’re sorry too, and excuses herself. She goes over to hug Sonny, and he tells her that she looks good. She thanks him, and asks how he’s doing. He says he’s good, and asks if Carly’s there, and Olivia says, Carly came early to help her get ready. She would have understood if he couldn’t make it today. It’s hard to celebrate someone else’s happiness when you’re not exactly in the best place yourself. He says, he and Carly will be back together before she knows it. Just you bet on it.

Britt says, Austin was a doctor last she checked, and he says he still is. She says she’s pretty sure human sexuality was covered in his studies, and he says, it was, but he’s a grown man and she’s a grown woman, so he’s asking her. If you kiss a man who’s your friend, why would you apologize? She says she assumes they’re talking about… He says, Maxie, and she says, was it good? He says he thought so, and she says, why didn’t he ask Maxie what she meant? He says, her mom kind of interrupted them, and she says, so this happened in high school? He says, she’s hilarious. What happened was, he and Maxie went to Pawtuck with Anna and Felicia to try and jog their memories about what happened the night Louise was born. She says, oh wow. And? Did either of them remember what happened? He says he doesn’t know. That part’s even more confusing than the kissing.

Maxie tells Brook, she tried to convince Austin that he was misremembering – if that’s even a word (FYI, it is according to spellcheck) – but she doesn’t think it worked. Brook says she has to try harder, and Maxie says, she did everything she could think of. She even kissed him. Brook says, that is an interesting and creative strategy. They’ll revisit that later. Maxie says, it wasn’t a strategy. Austin’s gone above and beyond to help her out. The problem is, what he thinks is helping could probably ruin everything. Brook says they shouldn’t panic. They just need to come up with a plan. Maxie says, ya think? when Tracy comes in, and asks, what’s going on in here? The two of them having their heads together doesn’t look suspicious at all, while the guests are milling around outside. Brook says, they have everything under control, and Tracy says her confidence knows no bounds. Maxie thanks her for keeping all of this under wraps, and Tracy says, Peter August is a despicable human being, who doesn’t deserve to be a father, and she’s very sorry Maxie has to be separated from Louise. Maxie says she knows Louise is in good hands, but she can’t wait to have her daughter back in her arms.

Harmony arrives at the gatehouse, and says, she was so happy to get Willow’s call. What did she want to talk about? Willow says she needs a copy of her birth certificate, and Harmony asks, how come? Willow says she can’t find hers. It must have gotten lost in all the moving around. Normally, it wouldn’t be anything urgent, but she needs to get a passport. Harmony asks where she’s headed, and Willow says, Michael is taking her to Paris. Michael comes in, and Harmony says, how wonderful. Are they taking Wiley with them? Michael says, not this time, and tells Willow that he’s heading to the house; he wants to see how his mom and dad are doing. Willow says she’ll be right behind him with Wiley, and he says it was nice seeing Harmony. (Since when?) She says, him too, and he leaves. Willow tells Harmony, the first step to her getting a passport is getting a copy of her birth certificate, and she can’t find any record of it online. How can that be?

Alexis says, just so Kristina knows, Harmony is a non-issue. They won’t be spending time together anymore. Kristina says, because of her, and Alexis says, she and Harmony both think it’s best. Kristina says, so that’s the end, but she really wants Alexis to hear her out on this. Sam way overstepped when she told Harmony to stay away from Alexis. Sam just assumed the friendship would make her uncomfortable. Alexis says, it doesn’t? and Kristina says, whatever she feels, it wasn’t Sam’s place to speak for her. Alexis says, Sam was just protecting her, and Kristina says she’s sure there was a sincere desire to protect her, but Sam was also avoiding focusing on her own mess of a life.

Ned says, Olivia takes his breath away, and she says, stop. Dante says, it’s true; she looks beautiful. Right, Leo? Leo says he loves her sparkly dress, and Olivia says, that’s why she wore a sparkly dress. She’s so grateful to have all her guys here with her today. Ned says, they’re a lucky crew, and she says, they sure are. Tracy comes in with Brook and Maxie, and Maxie says they can come in. Tracy says, hopefully, they’ll deem it worth the wait. Olivia tells Maxie, it’s just gorgeous, and Ned says she captured the mood perfectly. Brook asks, what mood would that be? and he says, you know, bliss, gratitude – he takes Olivia’s hand – love. Brook hugs him, and says she’s so glad this day came. She’s so sorry… Olivia says, they’re not doing any of that today. Today, they’re all looking forward; they’re not looking back. Ned says, it means everything to them that they’re all here together, and Brook says, it means everything to her too.

Sonny asks Laura if there’s any word on Cyrus, but she says, all’s quiet on that front. She asks how he is, and he says, things were a little bumpy for a little bit, but things are back on track. She says, good, and he says, things are definitely looking up. She says, with him and Carly? and he says, he just has to prove they belong together. He sees Carly standing in the doorway.

Britt tells Austin, feelings can be tricky, and aren’t always accurate. Maxie suffered severe emotional trauma that night, and Austin was knocked unconscious. She’s not shocked the recall is a little fuzzy. He says he guesses, and she says, back to that kiss. He says, what about it? and she says, only Maxie can tell him what it meant. So he has to put on those big boy pants and talk to her. He asks if there’s a B option, and she says, call her. He says he can’t; she’s coordinating at the Quartermaines. She’s in charge of Ned and Olivia’s vow renewal. She says, to which he was invited, and he says, to which he declined. She says, he might want to revisit that decision, and he says, just to see Maxie? She says, there isn’t even the tiniest part of him that wants to get to know his family? and he says, he already knows them. She says, get to know them better. Maybe even get close. He says, maybe she’s right. Maybe he did decline that invitation a little too quickly. She laughs, and Brad walks in. He says he’s fifteen minutes late, so technically, he’s on time. Britt says, that’s not what technically means, and he says, for him, it’s still on time. He and Austin say, hello, and Austin starts to get up. Britt says he doesn’t have to leave, but Austin says he has somewhere to be, right? She says, he does. Good luck. He leaves, and Brad sits down. Brad says, he seems nice, and Britt says, he’s straight. And she just sent him off into the arms of another woman.

Maxie says, according to Britt, Peter’s getting transferred to Pentenville tonight, and Brook says, couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Once Peter is finally locked away, this whole thing is going to be over. Once that happens and this nightmare is behind them, what is Maxie going to do about Austin? Maxie asks what she means, and Brook says, it’s pretty obvious Austin is into her. Maxie says, obvious to who? and Brook says, everyone. The question is, is Maxie into him? Maxie says she thinks so, but it’s hard to tell when all she’s doing is lying to his face. Brook says she can see that being an obstacle, and Maxie says she can’t think about Austin right now. Brook doesn’t think he’s going to show up there, does she? Brook says, with her family? It’s the last place he wants to be.

Willow gives Harmony a cup of coffee, and Harmony says she’s sure she has a copy of Willow’s birth certificate with her important documents. She’ll look for it right away. Willow thanks her, and says, it was so strange she couldn’t find it online. Harmony says, maybe not every piece of information is on the internet, and Willow says, not to rush her, but time is of the essence if she wants to get a passport. Harmony promises to look for it right away, and Willow asks if she wants to see Wiley. She says she’d love that, and Willow leaves to get him.

On the phone in the nook, Dante says, keep him posted. Chase comes in and asks if something is up, but Dante says, it can wait. His mother will kill him if he misses the ceremony. Chase asks if it’s sad that just hearing the words keep me posted makes him nostalgic. He hands Dante a cup of coffee, and Dante says, kinda. Is he missing the job? Chase says, big time. He hates being in limbo. Dante says he hears that, and Chase asks if Sam is coming. Dante tells him, she said she was, and Chase wonders why he’s saying it like that. Dante says, never mind, but Chase says, come on; tell him. Dante says, ever since Drew came back… Chase asks if they’re having problems, but Dante says, no. That’s the problem. It’s nothing as tangible as that. They had some good momentum going for a while, then Drew came back, and it stopped. They were full steam ahead for a while there. Chase says, but now they’re stuck in neutral.

Alexis asks what mess Sam’s in now, and Kristina says, maybe mess is too harsh. Let’s say, Sam seems conflicted. Who can blame her, torn between two men? Alexis says, Kristina… and Kristina says, if she were Sam and had to choose between Dante and Drew, it would be tough. Both are charming, both are handsome, and both are sincerely good guys. Drew is Scout’s father, so he has that in his favor, but Dante’s been with Sam for months, helping her rebuild her life when she and Jason split. Alexis hopes she didn’t share any of this with Sam, and Kristina says, of course (🍷) not. None of this is really any of her business, but Alexis is their mom, so… Alexis says, that’s true. She is Kristina’s mom, and as such, she gets the feeling Kristina is talking about Sam in order not to talk about what she came there to talk about, and she thinks for once, they need to talk about it. She wants Kristina to tell her how she feels about her friendship with Harmony.

Carly walks over to Sonny, and he says she looks gorgeous. She says he cleans up pretty well himself. Tracy asks if she can borrow Laura for a moment, and as they walk away, Laura asks if something is wrong, but Tracy says she just wanted to get Laura out of the line of fire. Laura says, good job. Sonny says he misses Carly, and she says she just saw him this morning for breakfast. He says she knows what he means. He’s not trying to pressure her, or tell her how to feel, but they can still be honest with each other, right? She says she hopes so, and he says, they’re still seeing each other tonight, right? She says she told him that she could give him an hour or so to talk. She’s not going to back down. Michael comes in, and Carly hugs him. She asks, where’s Wiley? and he says, he and Willow should be coming. Carly says she’s going to check if Olivia needs anything, and leaves. Michael asks if everything is okay, and Sonny says, it’s not like they’re a bomb ready to go off. Michael asks if he’s sure, and Sonny says, yes. He just wants to work things out. He’s got everything under control.

Ned offers Sonny some champagne, and promises it will be pathogen free. Sonny says, Leo is a trip, and Ned agrees. Sonny says he has to decline. He has to stay sharp tonight. Ned says, right. The bold move he was talking about with Carly, and Sonny says, that’s the one.

Willow walks in, and Michael says, no Wiley? but she says, he was intercepted by Monica; they’re in the playroom. She sees his parents are here; have they crossed paths? He says, yeah, and she says, and? He says, it was painfully polite, which is the best thing they can expect right now. He asks how it went with Harmony, and if she was able to help Willow with her birth certificate, and Willow says, she thinks she has a copy, so Paris, here we come. Michael says, oui, oui, and she kisses him.

Kristina says, Alexis doesn’t need her permission to be friends with someone, but Alexis says, it’s not just someone, and Kristina knows it. It’s Harmony. Kristina is her daughter, and Alexis loves her. Hurting her is clearly not an option, but she needs to know how Kristina actually feels about this, so let her give an example. If Kristina came home, and Harmony were there for dinner, would that make her uncomfortable? Kristina says, maybe give her a heads up until she gets used to it? and Alexis says, so yes, she’d be uncomfortable. Kristian says she doesn’t know what Alexis wants her to say, and Alexis tells her to say what she really feels. Kristina says, seeing Harmony brings up a lot for her, like everything that happened at Dawn of Day, how utterly stupid she was… Alexis says she wasn’t stupid; she was trusting. That’s different. Kristina says, Shiloh was a master manipulator, and intellectually, she knows Harmony was just another one of his victims. Alexis says, but Kristina can’t forget what she did.

Laura asks when Tracy is going back to Amsterdam, and Tracy says, later today. Laura says, and after the next memorial, then what? and Tracy says she has some ideas, and was actually able to remove a piece of the Ice Princess that she’s going to use to fund her future endeavors. Laura says, Tracy knows how she feels about that diamond, but she wishes Tracy the best, and Tracy thanks her.

Austin comes in, and thanks Ned for his kind invitation. He hopes it still stands. Ned says, of course (🍷), and Olivia says they’re glad he’s here. He shakes hands with them, and Leo runs up, saying, he knows Austin. Austin says Leo has the best memory; he’s Dr. Austin. Leo brings out his fidget spinner, and Austin says, oh wow. He still has it; that’s great. He’s good at looking after his things. Ned says, the things he cares about, and Leo asks if it’s time yet. Olivia says she guesses it is, and suggests he round everybody up. Leo yells, we’re starting, and Ned says, that’s one way to do it. Austin waves to Maxie, who waves back, and Ned says, they heard the man. It’s time for him to marry the woman of his dreams – again.

Kristina tells Alexis, she wants to get to the point where seeing Harmony doesn’t bother her, but she doesn’t think she’s there yet. Alexis says, fair enough, and Kristina says, Sam told her that Harmony stopped Alexis from drinking on New Year’s Eve. Alexis says, when she was in prison, Harmony was there for her when she needed someone to be there for her, and Kristina says, sounds like a good friend. Alexis says, she is, and Kristina says, then Alexis should hang out with her. Alexis says she wants Kristina to be sure; is she sure? Kristina says, Shiloh preyed on Harmony like the rest of them, and let’s be real. She wouldn’t want someone holding her past against her, so permission granted. Alexis deserves a great friend. Alexis says she has a really great daughter, and they hug.

Brad says, so Austin was the new wing man Britt was telling him about. First clubbing, now a coffee date; is there something he should know? Britt says, no. He has eyes for another woman. Brad asks, more important, does he have BFF competition? She says, never, and he says, good answer. She says she’s surprised he wanted to meet here. Isn’t this a little public? He says, Kelly’s? His aunt would never come to a place like this. She says, so she’s a snob and controlling? and he laughs, and says, dare he ask about Peter? He hasn’t relapsed or anything, right? She lowers her voice, and says, does he mean did he end up killing Peter with that poison? No, Peter’s fine. Enough to be heading back to Pentenville tonight anyway. He wonders if his Aunt Selena will let Peter get there alive.

Laura says, they’re here to celebrate something really wonderful – the persistence of love. Every couple gets tested. Every couple has problems. It’s how we come through them that matters. Ned and Olivia have come through theirs stronger, and more committed, and more in love than ever. Olivia says, they have, and Laura says she has the sneaking suspicion they have some things they want to say to each other. Ned says, ladies first, and Olivia says, Ned, Ned, Ned. He says, oh boy, and she says, it’s all good, she promises. She also promises to love him, cherish him, and honor and keep him for the rest of their lives. They will celebrate together, commiserate together. They’ll watch movies and eat Chinese food together. They’ll raise their son together. He says he likes the sound of that, and she says she looks into the future and sees him; the three of them. All of them. She can’t believe how blessed she is. He asks if it’s okay if he makes some promises, and she says, copycat. He says, his beautiful, extraordinary, animal loving wife. He too, vows to love, cherish, honor and keep her the rest of their lives. He’ll fight the good fight with her, and celebrate with her. He’ll sing duets with her. She says, slightly off key, and he says, hey, that’s his wife she’s talking about. And he will raise their son with her. He loves her endlessly. She says she loves him too, and he says, how he got this lucky he’ll never comprehend, but he’s holding onto her, and he’ll be damned if he ever lets go again. He puts a wedding ring on her finger, above the set she’d wearing, and she says, they weren’t doing new rings. He says, he couldn’t resist, but it’s not a replacement ring; it’s a companion ring. She says, it’s perfect, and Laura says, by this renewal of vows in front of family and friends, they’ve once again proclaimed their commitment to their life together. Olivia says, Ned better kiss her if he knows what’s good for him. He asks Laura, may I? and she says, she thinks he better. They kiss and everyone applauds, all happy for a hot minute.

Maxie says she never expected Austin to be here, and he says, Ned invited him. She says, that she expected, but she didn’t expect he’d come. He tells her, he said no at first, but then realized he wanted to know his family… most of them anyway. Plus, he knew she’d be here. She says, an added draw? and he says, maybe. Who is he kidding? Definitely.

Monica congratulates Ned, and hugs him. She says she knew he and Olivia would find their way back, and he thanks her for believing that, even when he had his doubts. She says, some couples are just built for the long haul. They bend, but never break. Ed and Lila were like that; so were she and Alan actually. She thinks he and Olivia fit that pattern, and he says, then they’re in good company, and they hug again.

Dante says he’d ask how Olivia is doing, but she’s absolutely glowing. Sam says she looks beautiful, and she thanks them. She says she had no idea how official the whole thing would feel. She really feels like a new bride all over again. Dante says, Ned better treat her right, or Ned’s going to have to answer to him, and Olivia says she couldn’t love Dante any more than she does. He says he loves her too, and they hug.

Carly looks out the window, and Drew says, they meet again. Is she okay? She says she needed a breather. They were perfectly civil, and that’s what makes it so awful. He says, she means her and Sonny? and she says, there was no screaming; there was no yelling. Clearly, they can be in the same room together. That should make her happy, right? He says, that’s a pretty low bar for happiness, and she says, that’s where she is these days, just trying to keep the peace for their family. He says he’s going to do his part and steer clear of Sonny, just to be safe. She asks, why? Did something happen between him and Sonny?

In the nook, Brook tells Chase, her dad was practically levitating, he’s so happy. She’s so glad everything worked out for them. He says, Ned and Olivia seem like the real deal, and she says, they definitely are. He says he forgot to tell her, she looks great today, and she thanks him, and says, he looks pretty good too. They hear Bailey cry on the monitor, and he says, someone is awake. Why don’t they both go? She says, deal, and they go upstairs.  

Drew tells Carly, he walked in on Sonny and Curtis having… let’s call it a heated discussion. She says, at The Savoy? and he says, yeah. He tried to intervene, but he just made everything worse. He flashes back to Sonny saying, Drew is just a poor shadow of his brother, and tells her, Sonny was acting pretty erratic. She says, in what way? And what was he doing there? Drew says, he was determined to buy out the club for the night, and she says, she told Sonny that she needed time, not some big, romantic gesture, and he says, Curtis shot him down; it’s not going to happen. But she says, he knows Sonny. Once Sonny sets his mind on something, it’s really hard to talk him out of it.

Kristina says, Alexis has hardly talked about her time in Spring Ridge, and Alexis says, it was prison. Lightyears better than Pentenville, but still prison. When she was paying her debt to society, it was hard, and lonely sometimes. Kristina says, and Harmony helped, and Alexis says, she did. Because Harmony had also done time in prison, she could meet Alexis where she was, as an equal. There’s tremendous relief in that kind of shorthand. She didn’t have to explain anything to Harmony. Harmony knew where she was coming from, and knew what she’d be going through when she got out. She thinks the most interesting realization for her was that, like Kristina, Harmony was Shiloh’s victim. Like Kristina, she was desperate for some enlightenment, and he weaponized it against both of them. She gives Harmony a lot of credit for recognizing her mistakes. She testified against him, and didn’t do it in exchange for anything. She got no deal. She went to prison and took her lumps. She did it because she knew it was the right thing to do. Kristina says, kind of like Alexis pleading guilty, and Alexis says, kind of like that. She knows they thought she was out of her mind for doing that, but Harmony understood why, and it’s nice to be able to be that honest with someone, and have someone get you. Isn’t that the essence of a good friendship, to be honest with somebody? Kristina says, sounds right to her.

Britt asks if Brad thinks his aunt is going to try and kill Peter again, but he says he doesn’t know her plans, and doesn’t want to. She says, good, because he needs to be the perfect parolee. He asks if she cares, and she says, if he went back to prison? He says, no, if Peter died, and she says, the world would be a far better place, but she will say this. If Peter meets with an accident of some kind, she doesn’t want GH involved in any way. Get that guy out of her hospital. Brad says, amen.

Sonny says, sorry to interrupt, and congratulates Olivia and Ned again. He says, he wishes he could stay, but he has to get going. Olivia says, he has something more important than them? and he says he’s got some details he needs to take care of. He leaves, and Ned laughs, and Olivia says, okay. When did Ned and Sonny start sharing secrets? He says he’s not quite sure, and she asks, what’s the secret? He says he doesn’t know much, but evidently Sonny is planning a big surprise for Carly. She says, oh no. What is he doing? Carly thinks they’re just getting together to talk. He says he told Sonny it was a bad idea, but he wouldn’t hear it. Olivia says she’s got to warn Carly, but Ned says, maybe they should stay out of this. Olivia says, ha! and goes over to Carly. She says she just heard something she thinks Carly should know about, and Carly says, Sonny is planning something really big, isn’t he? Olivia says, apparently Carly already heard it, and Carly says, she’s on it, and leaves.

Carly asks if she can talk to Sonny a minute in private, and Michael says, no one is at the gatehouse; they could go there. They leave, and Willow asks what he thinks that’s about. Michael says, based on his mom’s tone, nothing good.

Austin says, Maxie disappeared, and she says, she’s in charge, and she needed to take a break. He says, she’s not avoiding him? He’s not a creeper. She says she knows, and he says, she kissed him. She says, she did, and he says, then her mom interrupted, and they couldn’t talk about it. Think they can talk about it now? She says, sure, and he says he knows how he feels. Does she want to tell him what that kiss meant to her?

Harmony knocks at Alexis’s office door, and Alexis says, good. Harmony has impeccable timing; Alexis was just about to call her. She looks at Harmony, and says, what’s wrong? Harmony says she needs Alexis’s help. It’s Willow.

At the gatehouse, Sonny tells Carly, don’t try to get anything out of him, because he’s not talking. She says she already knows he has something planned, and he asks, who ruined the surprise? She says, the surprise was realizing he’s still not listening to her, and that stops now.

Ned and Tracy are alone in the living room, and Tracy closes the doors. Ned says, worried about witnesses? and she says, no. She just wanted a little privacy. They’ve barely had a chance to talk today. He says, it has been a hectic day, and she says, that was not a criticism. Everybody wanted to wish him well because they love him. She just wanted him to know that she loves him too. He says, mother, are we having a moment? She says, they could have, but he ruined it. The doors open, and Michael and Brook come in with some official looking guys. Ned asks, what’s going on? and Michael says, they asked for Tracy. Tracy asks the head official guy if she can help him, and he says she’s under arrest. She says, for what? and he says, felony fraud; trafficking in counterfeit goods. She says she did no such thing. What did she counterfeit? He says, the Ice Princess. By now, everyone else has come in, and Laura looks horrified.

Tomorrow, Maxie tells Austin, not yet; Harmony says, Alexis might not want to be her friend after she hears this; Anna thinks she knows all she needs to know; and Carly says, as far as grand gestures go, it’s pretty perfect.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

We get a preview of the season, and it looks to be a lively one, full of yelling, screaming shrews.

Teresa talked with her daughters about blending families with Luis, who has two sons. She’d always wanted sons, although only one would be living with them; the other was twenty and on his own. She was having a summer kick-off party, and told the girls that she’d invited Melissa and Joe #2. The girls were pissed at Joe #2 for talking smack about Joe #1, and in her interview, Teresa said she and Joe #2 had made peace, but her daughters wanted him to take it back.

Frankie was working for Luis, and said Luis was a good worker and had a good heart. The house was still being renovated, so Dolores had rented a townhouse, but then Frankie graduated from college and Gabby from vet school. In Delores’s interview, she said, Frank’s priorities were off since he had a new young girlfriend, so she hassled him until he said he’d get some things finished.

Some video came out with Luis in it, and we saw tweets that said everything from, it was horrifying, to what the hell is this? Marge said Teresa was going to loose her mind, and I felt out of the loop, since I had no idea what this video was all about. Jackie came over to Marge’s to discuss the video, and described it as, Luis being in the middle of a pack of men, and they were all naked. It looked like Luis had been dragged through the river, and was begging for forgiveness. He was apologizing for something, and obviously had done something wrong. They showed it, but I’m guessing a lot was cut out. It actually looked like someone being artistic and not doing the best job. Like maybe it was the first video they made. Joe #4 said Theresa had to get a clue, but Marge said he forgot they were talking about Teresa. Marge told Jackie that it looked like Luis was on an apology tour in the video, and there were allegations out there. We flashed back to Watch What Happens Live where it was mentioned that Kim D said Luis had been abusive to past girlfriends. Marge said, Jennifer was an unhappy liar who was all smoke and mirrors, and had talked all kinds of smack about her.

Melissa and Joe #2 were glad to get out after quarantine. They met with new Housewife Traci and her husband Tiki Barber. In Melissa’s interview, she said they’d met through a mutual friend, and Joe had been excited about meeting Tiki because of his Giants background and being a sports commentator. Traci asked if Joe and Melissa had gotten a house, but Melissa said they were temporarily living in a rental until their new house was ready. Teresa had just bought a house nearby, and it seemed like Melissa had mixed feelings about that. She said, Luis was like a knight in shining armor to Teresa, but Joe wasn’t so sure. They’d seen Joe #1 make her happy too, and there were a lot of rumors about Luis. In Traci’s interview, she said she didn’t put much stock in rumors. She and Tiki had been married nine years, and he was already separated from his wife when they met. His wife had been eight months pregnant, and it was a media circus with rumors swirling. In Joe #2’s interview, he said, Luis told him about the camp depicted in the video, but when the video came out, he said he wasn’t into that kind of camp. That’s when the lightbulb came on for me. The video was from some kind of men’s retreat, where no doubt they did drum circles and such. In other words, all these horrified, freaked out people were making something out of nothing. On top of it, it had been privately sent to his girlfriend at the time.

Jennifer gotten her nose and chin done when she was in Turkey for her nephew’s christening. In her interview, she said, when she’d gotten her tummy tuck, Bill said she was the worst patient ever, and he was never doing surgery on her again. During the past year, Jennifer had been in a bad place with her mom, because Jennifer’s ailing father had moved in with Jennifer and Bill. Her mom was in Turkey, so Jennifer approached her when she was there, and they hugged it out, her mom crying, and saying, let’s be done with this. Bill said, some issues were better off not being fully addressed, and Jennifer said she wished it was as easy with girls. Marge had a Pride party, and hadn’t invited her.  

Joe #2 had been part of a comedy show in Atlantic City, and when asked about Luis, he hadn’t wanted to talk about it, so he just said something funny. Now Luis was upset with him. Melissa said he did Luis a favor, but Joe said he thought it best if he stayed away, and wasn’t going to Teresa’s pool party. Marge told Joe #3, the last time Teresa had a party, Jennifer was a drunken mess. We flashed back to that, and Joe told Marge that Bill had to pay two grand to get the vomit out of his car. Marge said, some behavior wasn’t forgivable, and Jennifer was getting there.

Dolores said she didn’t know how Luis couldn’t be nervous, but if everyone knew what was good for them, they’d keep their mouths shut. It was the pink elephant in the room. Just for the record. A pink elephant is what you see when you have the DTs; an obvious thing that everyone refuses to talk about is the elephant in the room. In Melissa’s interview, she said they weren’t going to come, but Teresa called Joe #2 the night before. Melissa thought if they didn’t go, it would create more tension. She felt for Joe. He and Teresa put things under the rug, but sh*t never went away. In Jackie’s interview, she said it was better to be friends than enemies with Teresa, because that woman would come for you. Oh yeah, that’s another thing. I hate watching adults behave like middle schoolers.

Dolores told Teresa, when Joe #2 had done the show in Atlantic City, someone asked how he felt about Luis. He’d told them that he was missing Joe #1. Teresa threw Dolores a curveball, and said it was nice of him. In Teresa’s interview, she said, nobody should be getting in Luis’s business. Jackie told Marge that you couldn’t have all this sh*t out there and not expect people to talk about it. When you addressed things, they went away. Joe #3 said, the video was creepy. In Joe #2’s interview, he said, Luis was acting like they were a big happy family, and it was all bullsh*t. In Marge’s interview, she said when someone pretended not to care, and lied about it, that made it seem like they did care. Yeah, she lost me too. She thought Luis needed to address the video, but Teresa said he didn’t owe anybody any explanations. It was part of his past. She said it was her party, and asked that they both be given respect. Okay, I’m definitely down with that. What I hate about all of the Housewives shows are how these women bring up issues at inappropriate times, like someone else’s party. And it’s never just an argument. It’s always a rip-roarer with lots of screaming and yelling and throwing things. Other people’s things. Not acceptable. I had a family member once create a scene at a party I was hosting. Albeit, she was drunk, but her boyfriend (now husband – good luck with that) steered her out and took her home.

Marge told Teresa that everyone loved her and was concerned, but she said she was a big girl. Wow. When Teresa is the voice of reason, I don’t know whether to take notes, or run before there’s an explosion. Jennifer and Bill arrived, and Marge the last time Jennifer was there, her face was on the pavement. Bill told Jennifer, just water. Jackie told Marge that Jennifer had tried to destroy her friendships, and called Melissa and Joe #2 crooked. Marge said Jennifer hadn’t supported her about being sexually harassed. Jennifer had been wearing a bandage, and her party entrance was also her nose reveal, but I wasn’t so sure I liked it. Apparently, I had company because both Dolores and Marge agreed with me; she’d looked better before. Jackie walked past Jennifer, but barely said hello, and no one else talked to her, so Jennifer whined to Teresa. She said she knew Marge was still mad at her because she hadn’t invited Jennifer to her party, but she’d thought she and Jackie had let bygones be bygones. Teresa wasn’t having it, and dragged Jackie over. Jennifer asked if Jackie was mad at her, and said she thought they’d ended on a good note. Jackie said Jennifer had tried to drive s wedge between her and Marge, and Jennifer said she regretted what she said, but it was like all three of them – Jackie, Marge, and Melissa – were against her. Jackie said Jennifer did it to herself, and Jennifer said that she was friends with Teresa and Dolores, but they didn’t stick by her like the other three. She got all weepy, and Jackie said she was a forgiver, but thought Jennifer needed to talk to the others. Marge had already headed over to them, and said Jennifer had called her a snake on social media. Jennifer said, it was tit for tat, but Marge said Jennifer didn’t know when to stop. She thought Jennifer was unhappy. Jennifer insisted she felt blessed, and said Marge was jealous. Marge said Jennifer wasn’t being honest. Jennifer had attacked her from beginning, and called her mother a slut. She made like she was better than everyone. We flashed back to all that, and Marge said, Bill left his job because he’d had an affair with the office manager. Jennifer told her to get it right, it was a pharmacy representative.   

Quote of the night: The chances of her going nuts are pretty high. – Dolores referring to Teresa

There was no preview for next week, because it was a rerun/encore performance/second showing.

👠 Refresher Course…

Prep for this season of RHONJ.

https://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey-season-12-cast-updates-spoilers

👃 You Decide…

Check out the new nose for yourself.

⚖️ Not So Sweet…

I dunno. Any ambulance chaser attorney who calls himself Sweet James is suspect to me.

https://people.com/tv/rhoc-noella-bergener-says-estranged-husband-abandoned-autistic-son-he-denies-claims/

🗺 Foot Back In the Door…

I’m sure she’ll make it nice.

💎 On the Warpath…

Garcelle is not letting Erika off the hook.

https://radaronline.com/p/garcelle-beauvais-calls-out-erika-jayne-refusing-to-return-1-million-diamond-earrings-tom-girardi-victims/

🥀 Gone Too Soon…

A member of The Walking Dead family has walked his last, and was way too young.

https://ew.com/tv/moses-j-moseley-dies-walking-dead-actor/

🍕 Midnight Snacking…

Hope to see you tomorrow for some soap and OC doings. Until then, stay safe, stay distinctive, and stay remembering that the essence of a good friendship is to be honest with someone.