What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Chase, wearing a bandage on his nose, lets Brook out of her cell. She asks why he’s being so nice, and he says he figured she needed a break. He shows her his phone, with a picture of him arresting her The Invader.

On the phone, Valentin tells Linc, no more excuses. He needs the shares, before Michael and the Quartermaines realize he’s acquiring a majority in their family business.

Ned looks at the picture in The Invader, and says he spoke with the other shareholders. They’re in agreement that they need to act quickly to mitigate the damage. Michael thinks their best option is to cut their losses.

Lucy tells Maxie to keep her eyes closed, and leads her to her new office, which is basically an empty room with a desk in it. She says, ta-da! Maxie says, it’s a little sparse, and Sasha tells her to envision it with all her special touches. Lucy says Maxie has the insight, talent, and vision to transform their offices completely to their own. Maxie thanks her for the vote of confidence. She’s always had vision. It’s what she does.

Nina tells someone on the phone that she needs somebody to fill in for Maxie. She wants them to reach out to New York, Los Angeles, and even Paris. The other line starts to ring, and she says, in the meantime, she needs an assistant who can answer phones, and she needs them yesterday. Nelle comes in, and Nina asks how she got in there. Never mind. Just turn around and remove herself. Or she could call Carly, who would be more than willing to send over security. Nelle says, that’s a little harsh. It must be one of those days. She knows the feeling, but thinks they can help each other.

Harmony and Willow are having breakfast at Kelly’s, and Willow says they only had to reschedule four times to make it work. Harmony apologizes for being busy. She wishes she could support Willow more. Willow says she’s taking it day by day. The best way to honor her baby is to devote herself to the living; her students, and helping Michael with Wiley. Harmony is proud of her, and says she’s throwing herself into her work at Turning Woods too. She’s grateful to be able to give back. Willow says they should devote time to themselves too, and suggests going for a ride in Harmony’s new car.

Sonny knocks on Jordan’s door, and Curtis says, it’s not the best time. Sonny says, Cyrus has TJ, doesn’t he? Curtis asks if that’s what Jordan has been keeping inside, and Sonny tells her that she’d better say something. Curtis asks if TJ has been kidnapped, and Jason says, tell him. Jordan says, don’t they think if she knew a butcher like Cyrus was holding her son, she’d do something? Sonny says she already did. By keeping silent. How far does she want to go? When is she going to stop making everyone her enemy, and tell them the truth? She can’t stay silent. Jordan says, yes. Cyrus and his people have her son. She collapses into Curtis’s arms, and cries.

Brook reads, how many ELQs does it take to screw up a great company? One. Great. She’s a real joke. Chase asks, isn’t the first thing you learn as a celebrity not to read the comments? She says, first of all, she isn’t a celebrity, and second, why would he show this to her? He says he figured she’d see it as soon as she got her own phone back. He says, it’s cyberspace, which makes it open season for jerks. She says, easy for him to say. He’s just a cop, and no one important. Sorry. That came out wrong. He says, no problem. She says, all she did was stand up to Lulu when she weaponized a harmless Facebook post against ELQ. She’d like to see what Lulu has to say when her family hits her with a defamation suit.

Ned tells Michael, if Mertin Med Tech pulls out, it will crater their pharmaceutical division, and the damage could spread. Michael says, it’s better to blow the deal than give them more concessions, and they can write off the loss. Olivia says, Michael has a point. However it happened, sensitive documents were posted online. Ned says, it happened because Brook wasn’t focused on her job. Michael says, in Brook’s defense, it probably wasn’t the best idea to give her such sensitive information when she just started. Ned says, so it’s his fault? Michael asks why Ned is getting defensive, and Ned asks why Michael is being so self-righteous. Michael tells Ned, all he’s saying is, when he’s training someone new, he tries not to give them more than they can handle. Ned says, Michael means when he was CEO. So much for Michael taking a step back and handing Ned the reins

Nina says she has no desire to help Nelle. The last time she did, she lived to regret it. So, buh-bye. She pushes Nelle out, but Nelle immediately comes back, telling Nina that she’s being shortsighted. Word on the street is, Maxie left to go to a start-up. Nina tells her, she wishes Maxie well at Deception, and Nelle says, so Nina said in the press release. Still, it must hurt, Maxie being her sister-in-law and all. Nina asks why Nelle is concerned, and Nelle says Nina has an opening, and she’s just the woman to fill it.

Maxie says she needs to free up the creative process; which means avoiding clutter without making the workplace look generic or sterile. Sasha suggests incorporating the organic natural aspect of their products. Lucy tells them, she only has sparkling water. They have so much to do, she’ll save the bubbly for later. She hands them each a cup of water, and proposes a toast. To Maxie’s first day, and the beginning of a beautiful, fantastically successful relationship. To Deception. They all say, cheers, and clink plastic cups. Valentin walks in, and says, good. He’s here in time for the celebration.

Willow tells Harmony that Jason asked about her car. She told him she didn’t know anything about it. She didn’t see how Harmony could afford a new car. Harmony says, it’s  not new new. It’s a 2019 model. Willow says, and she already brought it to a garage? Harmony tells her, Brando said it was the sensor was connected to the gas cap or something, but everything is fine. Willow says, is it? Is Harmony fine?

Jordan tells Sonny, she knew Cyrus was targeting families. Look what he did to Sonny’s son, and Taggert’s daughter. Then when TJ went missing… Curtis says, so the text from TJ, saying he just needed some time, TJ never did that. Jordan says she desperately wanted believe the texts were from TJ, but she had an awful feeling. When she went to see Cyrus in Pentenville, a photo was sent to her phone. It was of TJ, tied up in an anonymous room. He’d been beaten. Sonny says, it fits the pattern. He went after Michael, and Taggert’s daughter. So when she saw TJ, she knew she had to cooperate. She says, that’s why she sent Stella away. After Curtis left, someone delivered Cyrus’s message in person. It was the person last person she would have suspected. Jason says, Harmony, and she asks how he knew. He says he ran into her, and she was really nervous. He checked with Willow, who said Harmony had been distancing herself, and Harmony and Cyrus’s time overlapped in Pentenville. He asks what Harmony told Jordan, and she says, if she ever wanted to see her son, she’d do what Cyrus wanted.

Brook wonders why charges aren’t being brought against her, and Chase says it might have been because he gave them the context of the fight between her and Lulu, and mentioned it was an accident that she hit him. She says that was decent of him, especially since it’s the second time she’s clocked him. He tells her, try not to make it a trifecta, and she promises she’s learned her lesson. She says, it’s best Lulu stay away from her altogether. The hypocrisy is staggering. Lulu lived in her family’s house as a teenager, and Lulu’s ex-mother-in-law is married to her dad. How can Lulu stab her family in the back like that? Speaking of family, she supposes it’s time that she faced them.

Olivia asks if Ned and Michael want to dial it back. They’re on the same side. Michael says, Olivia is right. Ned is acting CEO, and should deal with it how he sees fit. He’ll back whatever decision Ned makes. He’s going upstairs to work on his dad skills. Ned apologizes. He realizes Michael was just trying to help. Michael says he knows Ned is upset, and just trying to do what’s right for the company. He goes upstairs, and Olivia says,  that wasn’t so hard, was it?

Nina tells Nelle, let her clarify. Maxie’s title was creative director, which was commensurate with her salary and talent. None of which Nelle has. Nina is only telling her this, because her assistant wasn’t around to prevent Nelle from barging in. She’s probably in Maxie’s department, trying to help out until Nina fills the position. Nelle says, that explains why Nina is without a gatekeeper. Lucky for Nina, she’s willing to accept an entry level position. How great would it be if she was stationed out front? Nina wonders why Nelle is suddenly so determined to get gainful employment. It’s not because of what Nina needs; it’s about what Nelle needs. Could it be because she’s in the middle of custody battle, and needs to shore up her public image for the court?

Maxie wonders if Valentin got off on the wrong floor. He has no place there. Sasha says they have worked to do. He says he knows, but first days are so exciting. He wanted to personally congratulate Maxie, and welcome her to their team. Maxie asks what he’s talking about, and he says Lucy hasn’t told her? Lucy says she was going to send out an internal memo, and Valentin says Deception was in need of capital, and he’s always looking for a lucrative business opportunity. It’s a win-win for everyone. Lucy smiles tentatively.

Jordan says, she convinced herself that if she went along with Cyrus just once, keep the surveillance, but move it just enough to leave an opening, that it wasn’t her fault if one of Cyrus’s trucks drove through. She could keep pretending she was doing her job, and maybe Cyrus would keep his word, and her son would and come back to her. Sonny knows where she’s coming from. Sometimes desperation clouds judgement. There’s more to this than just a drug shipment. Cyrus told him personally that he came to Port Charles for personal reasons; he meant her. Curtis says he’s there for her, whatever decision she makes, but it seems they’ve got a common enemy. They won’t stop Cyrus unless they all work together. Jordan looks worried and sick.

Back at the Quartermaine mansion, Brook says, there’s no place like home. It’s better than a jail cell. Michael says, sometimes you have to lose something to truly appreciate it. Brook wants to soak in a tub, and have a late breakfast. Then when she feels like herself again, they can all put their heads together, and combat Lulu’s treachery. She asks if Olivia is in, and Olivia says she’s definitely disappointed in Lulu. It’s bad enough Lulu was acting out of spite, but she didn’t consider how it would affect the people close to her. Rocco spends half his life there. You’d think she’d take that into consideration. Brook says, Lulu only cares about Lulu. Lulu started the fight by spraying champagne on her. Olivia asks if Brook is saying she’s the victim, and Brook says, hell yeah. They have to do everything they can to fight her. Call the lawyers. Michael says, sometimes the best response is no response, and Brook says, they’re Quartermaines, and aren’t lying down, but Ned says, it’s not a personal perspective; it’s a business perspective. Brook says, it’s personal to her. Have they seen what people are saying about her? Ned says, yes, and so have their business partners. He has no choice but to acknowledge her mistake, and terminate her employment, effective immediately.

Maxie says Valentin is bluffing. There’s no way Lucy asked the least trustworthy person on the planet to be an investor. Lucy says, Valentin’s significant investment is allowing Deception to relaunch in style. Does it matter who the benefactor is, when it’s benefacting all of them? Sasha says, she’s a partner too, and should have been told, and Maxie says she should have told before she signed on. Valentin assures them, his checks will never bounce, but Maxie says, it’s not the money she’s worried about, but him. She wouldn’t have agreed if she knew about this. Lucy says, truth be told, her hiring is what prompted this. Maxie marched into Crimson, and told Nina that Lucy had hired her, which led to Nina pulling the plug on their partnership. Lucy picked Maxie over Crimson, and she’s fine with that, but she had to remain in business. Sasha says, and in walks Valentin, and Lucy says, a dark knight with sort of tarnished armor. Sasha asks if it’s Valentin’s way of getting back at Nina, or of getting Nina back?

Nelle tells Nina, it’s bad enough Brad stole her son the moment after she gave birth, but now she has to fight Michael, the Corinthoses, and the Quartermaines to get her son back.  They’re all hypocrites, and now she has to prove she’s fit in the eyes of the court. She intends to prove she’s a responsible parent, rooted in the community, with a steady job. Nina says, good luck with that, and Nelle says she knew it was a risk, but she figured if anyone understood what it was like to have a child who was alive and kept from them, it would be Nina. She guesses she was wrong. Nelle leaves, and Nina sits at her desk, and looks at the necklace.

Willow tells Harmony, whatever is going on, tell her. Harmony says, there’s nothing to tell, and Willow says, please don’t lie. Harmony says she’s fine, but Willow says she’s not. She knows it, and Chase knows it. Harmony says she knows Chase doesn’t like her. She doesn’t blame him. She made mistakes where Willow is concerned, and Chase will always see her in a negative light. Willow says she’s been defending Harmony. Harmony put the past behind her, but in the last month, Harmony has been impossible to connect with. Then she hears Harmony got a new car. She doesn’t know what’s going on. She can tell Harmony is worried, and wants to help. Harmony remembers Jordan asking what Cyrus has on her, and Harmony explaining Cyrus pulled strings to get her into the early release program, so she’d have a chance to be her daughter. Jordan doubts it’s out of the goodness of Cyrus’s heart, and Harmony says, Cyrus had her cornered. If she messes up, it’s not just her who pays. Jordan says, people have already been killed. Harmony is an accomplice to kidnapping and extortion. Does she have any idea how big a risk she’s taking? Back in the present, Harmony says Willow should be leaning on her, not the other way around. When Willow came into her life, she knew she’d been given a very special gift, and there’s nothing she won’t do for Willow.

Jordan tells Sonny, she volunteered to go undercover, and infiltrate Cyrus’s syndicate. She was willing to do anything to show she belonged with the best of the best at the DEA. They were a team of four, and they went deep undercover. She worked on the inside, and became indispensable to Cyrus, and gained his trust. His syndicate was like a spider web, going from city to city, town to town. She saw lives destroyed, and lost her ideals. She developed a ruthlessness and tunnel vision like Cyrus. He lived to expand his territory, and she lived to shut him down. The others on the task force took risks on the outside, and sacrificed themselves in different ways, but Cyrus kept winning. The drugs kept flowing, and people kept dying. They had to do something. Sonny says, they framed Cyrus and planted evidence. She says, the evidence they planted sent Cyrus to prison. They thought it was over, but it was far from over.

Brook says, Ned is going to throw her under the bus? Olivia says, Lulu didn’t put the documents on Facebook; Brook did. Ned says he could have told PR to divert the story, but Brook compounded it by having a public brawl. Brook says she was provoked. She tells Michael, come on, but Michael says he’s not acting CEO. Ned says it can’t be shrugged off. The vote was unanimous. Brook tells Ned, he’s the one who’s always saying family supports you, no matter what, but Ned says, this is more a business factor than family. She says he’s CEO; he has clout. He can change his call, and support her. Isn’t that what fathers do? Give you tough love, then a big hug? He dished out the tough love; where’s the hug?

Valentin assures Sasha, this has nothing to do with Nina. It’s a business venture, and a good one. Maxie says because he’s devoted to lip gloss, and he says, if there’s money in it, yeah. He writes the checks, but he’s behind the scenes; a silent partner. Sasha says she’s also a partner. That makes him her partner. Given what happened last time, she’s leery of joining forces again. Lucy asks if they can take this as just a dress rehearsal. You know what they say; bad rehearsal, great opening night. Sasha says she may have to rethink her involvement, and starts to leave, but Valentin calls to her. He says she may not want to admit it, but they were a good team once, and they can do it again.

Willow tells Harmony that she’s okay, but gets the feeling Harmony isn’t. Chase joins them, and asks if everything is okay. Harmony says, perfect timing. She asks what happened to his nose, and he says, occupational hazard. He’s fine. Harmony says she understands he has doubts about her. What can she do to reassure him? He says, her actions speak louder than words, and Harmony says, that’s true. She’ll always do what she can for Willow, even if it isn’t the easy thing. Willow says she doesn’t have to do anything but live a good life and tell the truth. Harmony says they’ve had so much loss, and lost so much time. If she could go back and change things… She’s just happy to know Willow is safe with Chase no matter what happens to her.

Jordan says, after Cyrus was convicted and sent to prison based on their evidence, there was no celebration; no high-fives. They knew they’d crossed the line, and compromised their principles. But they’d stopped the death and bloodshed, and went their separate ways. They hoped it was over, but it wasn’t. It took Cyrus a while to piece it together. He was biding his time. He knew who betrayed him, and when he figured out who they really were, he picked them off one by one. Jason says, Jordan is still standing, and Sonny says Cyrus let Jordan live. Jordan says she was the one who got closest to Cyrus. She earned his trust. Sonny says, then she became the ultimate betrayer. Cyrus let her live so she could watch her city become a war zone. Jordan says Cyrus has her son. She had to make sure she followed orders. Curtis says, letting the shipment through was a test. Cyrus Renault wants something bigger.  

Sasha storms into the Quartermain mansion, and Michael says, trouble at work? She tells him, he might say that. She thought she’d seen the last of Valentin, but he’s Deception’s new angel investor. He gave Lucy the funding she needs in exchange… Michael says, for shares in the company. She says, her company. Her lifeboat. The thing that was going to turn her life around, and give her a career. He says, she had no idea? and she says, none. Michael says he has no use for Valentin, but to be honest, he’s a smart businessman. If she puts her personal issues aside, he could be good for Deception. She says that’s easy for Michael to say. He doesn’t have to work with Valentin. Michael suggests they go upstairs and check on Wiley. It will help take her mind off Valentin. She tells him, lead the way.

Brook says, Ned knows how much she wanted to make this work. All her ideas… Is he really turning his back on her? Olivia says, in all fairness, it’s not all on Brook’s dad. Brook tells her, stay out of it, but Olivia says, knock it off, and quit feeling sorry for herself. She blew a major deal, it cost the company millions of dollars, and she was fired. That’s what happens in the real world. Ned says he understands, but it’s bigger than both of them. ELQ has responsibilities to shareholders, and they’re partners with other businesses. Michael was right; he set her up to fail. He threw her in the mix before she was trained. He owns that, but part of owning his mistake is not repeating it. Brook says, so she’s fired? and he says, she’s fired. She says, so much for family loyalty, and walks out.

There’s a knock at Nina’s office door, and she says, thank God; come in. Nelle gives Nina a list of urgent messages, saying, the rest are in the folder. She thought they would have updated their phone system by now, but she’s not complaining. Nina says she thought her assistant was back, and Nelle says, no, but she’s still there. She thought she’d give Nina time to think about what she said, and make herself useful in the meantime. Nina gives her points for initiative, but… Nelle says she’s not claiming she’s perfect; far from it. But why does her child deserve to suffer? Doesn’t he deserve to grow up with a mother’s love, like every other kid? Nina says the last time she employed Nelle, she attempted to blackmail Valentin. Nelle says she’s grown up a lot since then. She’s served her time, and taken stock of her life. She has a second chance with her kid, and she has to get custody. Nothing is more important, even her pride. That’s why she’s laid her cards on the table. Now that she has, she’s leaving for real. She’s sorry to have wasted Nina’s valuable time. She starts to go, but Nina says, wait. She’s not finished.

Willow asks why should something happen to Harmony? Is she sick? Harmony says, no; she’s fine. It’s just that there are no guarantees in life. You can walk out the door and get hit by a car crossing the street. Chase says, it helps to look both ways, and Harmony says, she’ll do her best. Just promise to take care of each other. She thanks Willow for breakfast, and says she has to get going. She leaves, and Willow tells Chase, now she knows something is wrong. He says, it sounded like the start of a confession to him.

Jordan says, Cyrus expects her to get him out of prison, and Curtis says, she’s the Commissioner, but how the hell is she supposed to get him out? Sonny says, it won’t require anything so dramatic, and Curtis says, no. She’s not confessing. They’ll find another way. She says, there is no other way. She loves him for wanting to protect her, but she did this. Cyrus isn’t going to set TJ free until he gains freedom for himself.

Ned tells Olivia, he knows it’s in the best interest of ELQ, and by extension, the family, but it still feels terrible. Olivia says, in time, Brook might understand, and she might learn something. Ned tells her, that’s what grandfather used to say. It didn’t feel good to hear it or say it, yet here he is.

Brook calls Linc, and says she changed her mind. If he’s still interested in her ELQ shares, he’s got a deal. She walks out of the house.

Nelle tells Nina that she doesn’t have time to listen to Nina repeat the lies and smears against her. There are pages of haters on social media platforms. Congratulations on turning her life around. It’s too bad Nina isn’t giving her the same chance. Nina remembers Willow telling her that Nelle is suing for custody of Michael’s son, and asking for Nina’s help. Nina says she’s not sure what Willow thinks she can do, and Willow says, help expose Nelle in the magazine. Let the world see Nelle for the murdering psycho and unfit mother she is. Nina tells Nelle, she’s right. She was given a second chance, and it’s time to pay it forward. Nelle asks what Nina is saying, and Nina says, she’s hired.

Michael yells to Sasha that he’s pulling the car around. They have to take Wiley to the hospital.

Lucy tells Maxie, think. At least Sasha said she’d think about it. Don’t be hasty. Maxie says the only hasty thing she’s done, is give Nina that stupid ultimatum. Maybe she can plead the family card. Valentin says, if Maxie goes back now, Nina will never respect her. Maxie tells him to take his own advice; she doesn’t need it. He says, it’s not about Nina. Forget about Nina, and forget about him. Maxie was right in asking more for herself. Opportunity knocks once. Don’t let anyone keep her from answering. Certainly not him. Lucy tells Maxie, he’s right; please think about it, and runs after Valentin.

Chase says he knows Willow thinks the cop in him is too suspicious sometimes. She says not this time. Something is going on. Her mother is talking like they may never see each other again. Something is burdening her. Chase asks if she has any ideas, and she wishes she knew. The more Harmony tried to reassure her, the more she was sure Harmony was keeping something big from her.

Curtis says he’s looking at Jason. Tell his wife there’s another way. That he and Jason will find TJ and get him out. Jordan says she knows what she’s doing. The only way to save TJ, is to give Cyrus what he’s wanted all along; his freedom and a full exoneration. Sonny says, that’s exactly what she has to do.

Tomorrow, Nelle tells Carly that she’s got a job, Molly wonders why Jordan didn’t say she was talking to TJ, and Sonny says they can’t retaliate.

Vanderpump Rules

Jax and Brittany are home. He says it’s their first time they’re entering the house as a married couple, and she says he has to carry her over the threshold. He does, and she says they’re man and wife. They kiss.

At TomTom, Schwarz tells Max that he heard Saturday was decent. Max says Schwartz is alive, and Schwartz says, barely. Max tells him that he still smells like liquor.

At SUR, Dayna asks Ariana and Tom to tell her everything. Tom says, it was awesome, and Ariana says, it was hot, referring to the temperature. I think.

Schwartz tells Max, he’s mourning the loss of his lizard, and might have a memorial pool party. In his interview, Schwartz says he and Daug had only known each other for three weeks, but they had an instant connection. He fell for Daug right away, and Daug became part of the family. Max says he’s considering getting an R.I.P Daug tattoo, but Schwartz advises against it. He asks if there’s anything going on, and Max says he and Dayna had a blowout. He’s bummed, but he’s not apologizing.

Tom asks if Dayna talked to Max, and she says she apologized. In her interview, she says Max didn’t accept her apology. He doesn’t want to be together, and now they’re not speaking. Tom says at least they haven’t been together for years, and Ariana says when you’ve only known each other a short time, it’s hard to know if they’re being honest. You don’t have much to go on. Dayna tells them, welcome back.

Max tells Schwartz, he thinks he’s going to 86 Danica coming into TomTom. Schwartz says she’s out of line and disrespectful, and talks too much. At Sur, Danica tells Raquel that too much is swept under the rug. She didn’t think it was a huge deal. We see a clip of Dayna telling Danica that Max is going to 86 her, and Danica telling Dayna that Max has been talking behind her back. They’re both managers, and should be able to talk it out.

In Max’s interview, he says Danica has screwed him over multiple times. First, there was the rumor that he’d said he was the owner of TomTom. We flash back to that, and he says, her spreading rumors to Dayna was the straw that broke the camel’s back. We flash back to Danica telling Dayna than Max has a bouquet red flags. Schwartz says Danica is a disruption, and he fully stands by Max’s side.

Raquel tells Danica that Lala reached out to her. She wants to meet up, and talk about stuff. Danica asks what they have to talk about, and Raquel says, they have some unresolved things. She wants to express how Lala treated her last year was not okay. She shows Danica the text Lala sent, where Lala suggests she can offer some insight about James from someone who’s been through it, and whose drinking affected the people she loves most. Danica tells Raquel to stand her ground. Tell her it’s not okay. We flash back to when Lala put her finger in Raquel’s face and called her stupid. Raquel says they might not end up friends, but it will be a big closure for her.

Jax and Brittany look at their million unopened wedding gifts. In Jax’s interview, he says, as much money as he spent, they better be good-ass wedding gifts. If he was in charge of the registry, he’d list car parts, season tickets to the Kings, and maybe a jet ski; something he can use. Brittany says everyone texted that it was the best weekend ever, and their vows were cute. Jax says his stomach was in knots. He had to write down powerpoints. In his interview, a producer asks if he knows the difference between PowerPoint and bullet points. Jax gives a bizarre explanation, and says, it’s close enough. Brittany can’t believe it’s over. She wanted to cry when they were leaving the castle. He says his wallet is happy it’s over. They’re both tired, and decide to nap. She wants Jax to carry her upstairs, and he asks if she’s serious. His back is going to get thrown out, but does it anyway.

Everyone gathers at the condo pool for Daug’s memorial. Schwartz says the lizard’s lifespan should have been fifteen to twenty years. He’d charted out their whole life together; at least the next few weeks. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he was born as a reptile and amphibian lover. He tells Tom that Daug wrestled with depression, but he was always leaping around outside. In those moments, he shined. Tom says they miss and love Daug, and he pours out some beer in reverence. In Tom’s interview, he says he was there when Schwartz bought Daug. Daug was chill AF. It’s a bummer he’s gone. Schwartz says he did everything to resuscitate Daug, but nothing worked. Then he couldn’t find a shovel to bury Daug, and had to use a hammer. It seemed like there was no joy in Daug’s life. He’d let Daug run around in the backyard when he got sad, and Daug would bask on a chair. Tom says Schwartz was a great effing dad, and puts an arm around him.

Schwartz tells the group, he has a few words to say about his lizard. He only had Daug a week, when he became part of the family; part of his routine. We flash back to Daug, and Schwartz says, people say he was just a lizard, but they bonded. We see a clip of Schwartz asking Katie if they make lizard Prozac. He says, Daug was gone too soon; he’s bummed. They toast to Daug, and Schwartz says his friends are making it better. He asks if Jax and Brittany are coming, but Katie says Lisa had a present for them, and she told them to go get it.

Jax and Brittany go to Villa Rosa, Jax carrying a huge orchid plant. Lisa says they look happy, and she can never have too many flowers. They sit, and she asks if they’re trying for a baby straight away. In Brittany’s interview, she says they want a family soon. They used to spray and pray, but now they’re not praying. Lisa says she’s glad she went to the wedding. She didn’t want to miss it. She’s never seen someone so excited. Her favorite part was seeing Brittany walking down the aisle. She tells them that she has a gift for them, and gives them a box from Tiffany. She says she took it to Kentucky, but was afraid they’d break it, so she brought it back. Brittany opens the box, and it’s a gorgeous tea set. In Jax’s interview, he says, it’s absolutely beautiful. If someone comes over for tea, they’ll use it, so it probably won’t get much use. Lisa says, as someone who’s been married for so long, they can’t expect life not to throw them challenges. Brittany says they’ve already been through a lot, and they’ve grown as individuals and as a couple.

At the pool, Danica asks Max what his problem is. She had every right to tell Dayna about something that was rubbing her the wrong way. Max says, so Dayna is her friend and Danica is just looking out for her? She was a complete bitch the first week. In Max’s interview, he says he knows Danica talked sh*t about him, and it led to him and Dayna breaking up. He doesn’t understand why she keeps getting in his business. Danica says now he’s saying she’s 86’d from her sister restaurant, but he’s saying it behind her back. He says he’s waiting for her to come in, and then he’ll tell her. She says, that’s how much of an a-hole he is? and he says, yeah. In her interview, she says, it’s easier for him to 86 her, than to own up to his sh*t. He should have told Dayna months ago. In her interview, she says he’s acting like a child. Congratulations; his plan won’t work.

Tom and Schwartz have a drink inside, and Max joins them. Tom asks if he’s okay, and he says he’s rattled. Tom asks, why? and he says Danica was yelling at him, since he 86’d her from TomTom because of the Dayna stuff. Schwartz says, there must be more to it, and Max says, it’s not just personal. She overwhelmed him in the first place, and he doesn’t need to be upset at work. Tom says he has to separate work form his personal life, but Max says he can’t do that.

Outside, Scheana tells Lala and Stassi that Kristen is sick, battered, and in a bad mood. Is there anything they want to relay? Lala says, not really, Stassi says, they’re relationship is weird. They can’t talk if they can’t be honest. She has to walk on eggshells, and doesn’t know how they can have a friendship if parts of Kristen’s life are off-limits. Kristen worships failure, and relishes defeat. In Stassi’s interview, she says, Kristen pushes away the only people who are willing to call her out on her sh*t. Scheana tells them that Kristen said Katie is projecting because she’s upset about something in her own life. In her interview, Stassi says, last year, they were partners with their Witches of WeHo wine, and they should equally be promoting it, but why should she be involved with a sisterhood she doesn’t believe in? Scheana says Kristen wonders why she’s doing it all herself, and Katie says she’s living her life. In Katie’s interview, she says she’s exploring her options, and figuring out what she loves doing. She has so much going on. We see clips of her lying around, and watching TV. She says she’s finding new projects all the time. Katie tells Scheana she could snag pictures off Pinterest and make money putting her friends pictures on T-shirts too. Scheana asks if she has free reign to parlay ([sic] I think she means relay) that to Kristen, and Stassi says they give zero f***s.

Dayna asks Max how it’s hanging, and what happened with Danica? Max says he knows Danica is the main source of a lot of his problems. She was rude from the beginning. He told Dayna sh*t from his past, saying she was looking out for Dayna. Dayna thinks Max didn’t want them to progress, and he’s happy how things turned out. He said he didn’t want to move forward. Max says, right now he can’t. He’s done nothing wrong. She asks why he’s worried about what other people are saying. In Dayna’s interview, she says, Max cares more about blaming Danica than confronting his own feelings. Max says, there’s no one to talk positive to him, and Dayna says she did, but it doesn’t matter. Tom tells everyone that he’s formally inviting them to his birthday party. The theme is, your most extra self. In his interview, Tom says, in his daily life, he’s already pretty extra, so this party needs to be extra extra. We flash back to Tom’s extraness, and he tells the group, whatever they decide to do, commit to it, and be extra like him.

At Vanderpump Dogs, Lala puts dog food out on the shelves. Lisa comes in, and asks how Lala is. Lala says she’s so happy. The wedding was fun, and exactly what Brittany wanted. Who would have thought? James and Raquel bring their dog for grooming. Lisa tells Lala that she’s gobsmacked. Lala tells them that she’s volunteering, but has Saturday free, and asks if Raquel wants to meet for a little snack or coffee, and girl talk. Lisa tells James, if he wants to talk to her, he can come to the house. They have much to discuss. In Lisa’s interview, she says, nothing she told James made a difference, so she had to use the classic and cliché tough love. She had to cut him out of her life. She hasn’t responded to his texts. She had to make him listen by not saying anything. She tells Lala, she’s sick to death of trying to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.

Tom and Schwartz go to Squaresville, a vintage clothing store. Schwartz asks if Tom has a vision, and Tom says he has a couple of ideas. In his interview, he says what extra stands for is your most extroverted look on steroids; effervescence. They check out some assless chaps, and Tom says he has a confession. Don’t tell anyone, but he bought stilts. Schwartz asks if he’s in the market for stilt pants, and if this party is in his budget. Tom says he made his house payment, but bring a chair.

Lala and Raquel meet for coffee. They clink plastic cups, and Raquel says there’s just one thing she wants to mention. Last summer, Lala insulted her intelligence. It’s one thing to question her character, but it’s a different story to diminish her intelligence. I’m not sure if she just proved she is stupid, but I’d much rather someone believe I’m unintelligent than believe I lack character. She says, if Lala feels that way, they don’t need a conversation. Lala says her time is precious, and she wouldn’t waste it on an idiot. Losing more IQ points, Raquel says that means so much to her; she needed that. In her interview, Raquel says, it’s super hard to stand up to a bully, especially for someone who’s not confrontational. It feels good. Lala says she’s heard a few things about James, and wants to know how he’s doing.

James goes to Villa Rosa. Puffy! He and Lisa sit, and James says he’s happy he’s there. Lisa says she has a modicum of responsibility for his welfare. She doesn’t know why, but she does. She saw his texts to his girlfriend. James says, it just came out, and she says he used those words to a girl who stood by his side. When you love someone, you don’t treat them that way. James says he doesn’t when he’s sober, and she says he has to get help. He tells Lisa that he went to a meeting yesterday; the first in his life. It was a big deal. She says, don’t lie to her.

Raquel tells Lala that she drove James to a meeting. She walked him to the door, and he went in. She waited an hour, and when he came out, he showed her his chip.

James shows Lisa the chip, and tells her that he said he was an alcoholic. It’s a big thing for him. In Lisa’s interview, she says she can’t explain how this makes her feel; the fact that maybe there’s hope for him. James says he doesn’t want his life to end up like the sad stories he heard.  Lisa asks if thought he would go down that route, and he says, yeah, he did.

Lala tells Raquel, she thinks it’s amazing, and Raquel says that’s so kind of her. Lala says she knows what it’s like. In Lala’s interview, she says when she went to her first meeting, she felt broken, embarrassed, and overwhelmed, but for the first time in a long time, she saw light at the end of the tunnel. Lala says she’s excited for them, and her and Raquel.

James starts to cry, and Lisa says, it’s attainable; he can do it, and she’ll be there. If he slips up, or questions the path he’s on, he can call her. James says, it means so much, and thanks her.

Brittany tells Jax that Kristen is coming over with her outfit for Tom’s party. She asks what Jax is wearing, but he doesn’t know. He says it’s not his thing. Kristen arrives, and notes that Brittany is still wearing her wedding bathrobe that says I Do on the back. Brittany says their license came in, and Jax says he didn’t want to end up like Schwartz. Now he and Brittany are extra married. He wonders why they have to be extra fun for Tom’s party. They’re not twenty-five. In his interview, he asks why they still need to wear wigs and eyeliner.

Tom practices with his stilts, saying, it’s warmer when he’s this tall. He walks around the house, hugging the wall. He wants to try peeing with them on, and Ariana says, nooo.

Kristen and Brittany go through Brittany’s outfits, and Brittany asks, what’s going on with the WeHo wine. Kristen says they have another one coming out. Scheana told Katie that Kristen wanted more help with it, and her response was that she could have a T-shirt line too. Katie is jealous because she has nothing else going on, and she’s being a d*ck. Jax tells Kristen not to concentrate on what they think. People grow apart, and he’s okay with it being okay the way things are.

Acrobats twirl around in circle swings, and a bartender juggles glasses. In his interview, Max says he’s dressed as Chip Hartley, a character Tom has dressed as in the past. In Brett’s interview, he says Tom doesn’t just put on a costume, he becomes a character, and his characters are legendary around SUR. He’s honored to dress as Lisa Vanderhump, and represent on Tom’s special day. Charli says she just came as the best version of herself, which apparently means she couldn’t be bothered putting on a costume. In Stassi’s interview, she says Marie Antoinette was the queen of fashion, and is her extra self. Jax is extra annoyed that Tom is throwing extra themed birthday party. In Scheana’s interview, she says, people tell her that she’s extra about sex, and she shows up in a dominatrix outfit, bothering people with her whip.

Tom slowly makes his way to the party, leaning on Ariana, who looks like David Spade with a mustache. He walks in, and Stassi says, OMFG. Ariana says, he’s so extra; she loves it. Max takes a spill on his roller skates. Lala asks Raquel how it’s going, and Raquel says, James hasn’t been drinking. Lala says Raquel might want to check that. She heard James went to a party where everyone was getting effed up. We flash back to James telling Raquel that he’s going to a friend’s party in the Hills. Lala says she saw a video that Logan sent her, but Raquel says James went to AA. She doesn’t understand Lala’s obsession with Logan, since he lied about hooking up with James. We flash back to Logan admitting he was just being a jealous bitch. Lala still believes him about the party, and in Raquel’s interview, she says she thought Lala was going to be supportive. Raquel tells Lala, STFU. James says it’s not true. Lala suggests Raquel not tell her to STFU again. Raquel says if Lala was really concerned, she wouldn’t be stirring sh*t up, and beginning rumors, and walks away.

Tom changes costumes, but I’m not sure if he’s supposed to be Mozart or a young Einstein. In his interview, he says, what would an extra costume party be like without an extra costume? Ariana brings out a cake with sparklers on it. Katie and Stassi plan a girls night with wine. Katie asks who they should invite, and Stassi says, Brittany, Lala, and Ariana. Katie asks if she’s inviting Kristen, but Stassi says, no. Katie says Kristen thinks she’s a miserable bitch. Kristen approaches them, and says she knows they don’t want to be friends with her, but she wants to know if they still want to be in the wine thing. Stassi says she’s ready to get out when their contract is up. In Katie’s interview, she says she was hoping they could find a way to be professional. Stassi tells Kristen, she’ll 100% do what’s needed, but her heart isn’t in it. It’s weird what a difference a year makes, and this is why she doesn’t like working with other people. If that’s selfish, then she is.

Lala tells Katie and Stassi, the conversation with Raquel went fast. Raquel tells James, Logan told Lala that James went to a friend’s birthday party where people were getting effed up. Like that’s not going to happen at this birthday party. James says, f*** Logan; he’s done talking about him. In James’s interview, he says Logan isn’t going to be the reason that makes him drink. It would have to be way worse. Like he would have to… Nothing can make him drink. Kristen tells Katie that Scheana repeated what Katie said about her clothing line, and Katie says Kristen said she was unhappy and projecting on her. Kristen is a miserable human being. Kristen says they were her two sisters, and Stassi says they haven’t been sisters for a while. She doesn’t know Kristen anymore. Kristen walks away.

Next time, Ariana tells Lisa that her horse has a small wiener, Brett asks Scheana if she’s a f***girl, Jax’s birthday is coming, Lala says Raquel forgot her place, and Lala is going to remind her.

🦎 RIP Daug  🦎 

🦄 How Did It Happen…?

I’ve not only survived through Tuesday, it looks like I’ll get to bed before 4 am.