What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Nikolas asks if Victor is threatening him, and Victor says he is. At least, he’s honest. Nikolas says, for all Victor’s talk of putting family first… and Victor says he knows Helena indulged Nikolas growing up, calling him her treasured one, the Cassadine heir, but Nikolas says, indulged is hardly the word he’d use. He wouldn’t wish his childhood on anybody. Victor says, that’s exactly his point. Nikolas underappreciated the privileges bestowed on him. It’s time he expanded his horizons; looked at the bigger picture. A picture that doesn’t include Ava.

Ava says, son of a bitch! and Nina asks, what happened? Ava says, remember the confession she told Nina about? It’s gone. She shows Nina the paper that says, Missing Something??? and Nina says, that snake. The prince giveth and the prince taketh away. Ava says she’s not going to let that little weasel get away with it, and Nina asks what Ava is going to do to Nikolas this time.

Maxie meets Austin at the hospital, and he says, perfect timing. He needs a break; he needs some ice cream. Georgie is with her, and Austin says hello to her, giving Maxie a quick kiss. Maxie says she’s ready for some rocky road, and Austin says he’s ready for some classic chocolate cone; that’s him. Georgie says, chocolate’s boring (a sacrilege!), and Maxie says, first of all, they don’t flavor shame, and second, chocolate is an enduring classic. Austin says, it is, but maybe there’s something more exciting. He asks Georgie, what’s her favorite? and she says, dad knows. She asks Maxie if they can’t call him; she wants dad to come instead. Austin says he gets it. Her dad is super fun. Georgie makes a disgusted face, and Sam walks in. Georgie runs to hug her, and says, they’re getting ice cream. Sam can come too. She’ll have someone to talk to. Sam says she’d love to, but she actually has a meeting, and Georgie says, who with? My God, this child is intrusive. Sam says, her Aunt Britt, and Georgie says, boo, as Britt joins them.

Cody is lifting free weights at the gym when Dante comes in. Cody says he’s glad Dante made it. Spar a few sessions, and he can teach Dante a thing or two. Dante says, this from the guy who hides under the barroom table once the brawling starts. Dante is a trained professional. He’d mop the floor with Cody with these hands, but he doesn’t want to mess up Cody’s nose again. Cody says, they were twelve and it was a sucker punch, and Dante says, keep telling himself that. Cody asks if Dante is tuckered out from putting criminals away, but Dante says, just one innocent woman.

Lying in her cell, Anna hears someone come in, and says, Robert? Mac says, just his better looking brother, and she says she’ll take what she can get. She’s going stir crazy. She can’t just sit here while Victor gets away with murder.

Holly says, Felicia is a genius; this was a perfect suggestion. We see they’re at the nail salon getting pedicures, and Felicia says she’s surprised Holly agreed to come. She thought Holly was just humoring her. Holly says, she was, but now that they’re here, this is nice. Felicia says, Holly must be exhausted after everything she’s been through, and Holly says, it’s not every day you find yourself washed up at the Quartermaines, missing two years of your life. As for everything she’s been through, Holly wishes she knew. Felicia says she wishes Holly would stop lying to her.

Maxie tells Georgie not to boo her Aunt Britt, and Georgie apologizes. She says she just wanted to get ice cream. Britt can come too. Britt thanks her, but says she and Sam have something important to talk about. She’ll try not to keep Sam too long. Sam tells Georgie, enjoy her ice cream, and they leave. Georgie tells Austin, maybe he should stay, and help Aunt Sam and Aunt Britt with the important thing. Maxie says she’s being rude, and tells her to apologize, but Georgie says, never. Maxie says, no apology, no ice cream, and Georgie says, see? Austin ruins everything.

Dante asks what Cody was up to today, and Cody flashes back to scratching the mirror with the diamond necklace from Peter’s safe deposit box. He says he hung out with Britt a little, and Dante says, he tells Britt to do something, and she does the opposite – like Cody. Cody asks what Dante told Britt, and Dante says he told her not to jerk Cody around. Cody asks, why? and Dante says, because Cody’s his friend; Britt’s not. Cody says he knows Dante’s opinion of Britt, which is justified based on what Britt did to him and Lulu, but he doesn’t want any more help with Britt from Dante. Dante says he’ll stay out of it, and Cody says, but he appreciates Dante having his back. Cody’s phone trills, and he says, it’s just a reminder that he has to go to GH. Dante asks, what for? and Cody says, a DNA test. Mac Scorpio might be his dad.

Anna asks if Robert called Mac, but he says, Felicia called him. Can she believe it? Holly is alive. She says, it’s incredible. Dante didn’t have any details. He says he’s sorry; he doesn’t either. She says, she can’t imagine how Robert feels, and he says, why imagine when she can ask the man himself? The guard lets Robert in, and he asks if Anna’s heard the news. Holly’s come back to them.

Holly asks if Felicia thinks she’s lying, and Felicia says, there’s no way Holly is okay with this, like she’s pretending to be. Holly says, of course (🍷) she’s not okay with it, but she happens to be English, and this is what anguish and torment look like in a Brit. Felicia says, Holly washed up  on shore with no idea of what she’s done for the past two years. A pedicure isn’t going to fix it. They’re friends. Holly can tell her what she’s really feeling. She must feel confused, scared, angry, so many things. Holly says, all of the above, plus embarrassed. She’s always taken care of herself, and whatever happened, someone obviously got the better of her. Felicia says, she gets enough of the I’m invincible and responsible for the world malarky from Mac and Robert, and Holly says, not Anna? Felicia says, her too, and Holly says, what about Felicia? Felicia says she has her moments, but she and Mac are a team now, and what she’s learned from that is, she’s not alone. And neither is Holly.

Ava tells Nina, she’s not sure what happened. Nikolas seemed so sincere. Nina says, so Nikolas thought Ava would just keep that confession nice and neat in her purse, and not notice it was gone? That doesn’t make any sense. Ava says, Nina’s right. She doesn’t think Nikolas did this. Nina says, then who did? Ava checks her phone, and says, it’s still here. Nina says, Ava needs to slow down and tell her what’s going on, and Ava says she told Nikolas that a written confession wasn’t enough. It would much too deniable. He agreed to put it on video, so taking the written one doesn’t change anything; Nikolas knows that. Nina says, so that means someone else stole the note, and Ava says, someone who doesn’t know the video exists.

Victor tells Nikolas, they both know that Ava is responsible for Esme’s… absence. That makes her a liability and a distraction. Nikolas says he’s more distracted by his uncle threatening him, but Victor says, they’ll call it tough love. He’s saving Nikolas from himself. Nikolas says he doesn’t need saving, and Victor asks, did or did he not sleep with his son’s girlfriend? Hardly the actions of a man in control of his life. Nikolas says he made a mistake, but Esme won’t be coming between him and Ava any more. Victor says, assuming no part of Esme shows up, but Nikolas says he guarantees Esme won’t be found.

Cody says he figured, why not have the test? and Dante asks why the hell Cody didn’t say something. Cody says, it didn’t come up, and Dante says, he could have brought it up. Dante knows a thing or two about finding out you have father unexpectedly. Cody says, they don’t know for sure. That’s what the DNA test is for. This whole thing might be a mistake. Dante asks if Cody cares about which way it goes, and Cody says he’s supposed to be all positive and psyched. Everyone keeps telling him what a great guy Mac is. Dante says, he’s a stand-up guy; Cody could do worse. Cody says, like Leopold Taub? and Dante says, Cody would be Mac’s kid. Cody says, he’d also be Felicia’s stepson, and Maxie’s sort of brother, and uncle to her kids. Dante says, don’t forget about DA Robert Scorpio, and Cody says, can Dante picture that? Him with a DA as an uncle. Doesn’t it make more sense, him having Leopold as a father? An amoral bastard who teams up with Cesar Faison makes a lot more sense than the Chief of Detectives. Dante tells him not to sell himself short.

Britt talks to Monica on the phone about a patient, while Sam flashes back to asking Cody whey it was so important that he be set up with Britt. Britt apologizes, but Sam says, no problem. What is this about? Britt says she knows Sam has a colorful past. Was she ever a jewel thief?

Ava tells Nina, this is Victor’s handiwork. Part of his ridiculous crusade to tear her and Nikolas apart. She types a text, and Nina asks what she’s doing. Ava says, she’s asking Nikolas where that demon of an uncle is, but Nina says, it’s not a good idea. She blocks the door, and says, Victor is a very dangerous man. He kidnapped her Aunt Liesl; he threw Scotty out of a plane. Ava says, with a parachute, and Nina says, Maxie told her that Victor was meeting up with Lucy for some weird sunset cruise before she disappeared. Ava’s phone dings, and she says, Nikolas and his uncle are at the MetroCourt. Nina says, so Ava is going to stay far away from the MetroCourt, but Ava says she’s not going to do anything crazy. That’s Victor’s secret weapon. He uses his veneer of dignity and smarm to goad people into a frenzy. Well, not her, not today. She’s going to be an iceberg, and she’s going to sink him. Nina asks if she has to, and Ava says, Victor’s trying to destroy her marriage. Nina asks if Nikolas didn’t do that when he slept with Esme, but Ava says, she and Nikolas will never be done until she says they’re done.

Maxie tells Austin that she’s sorry. She thought inviting him would help. He says, it’s fine. Maybe this is a little too soon, but there are moments she looks like her dad. Maxie says, don’t take this personally, but since Spinelli and Ellie broke up, Georgie has it in her head that Maxie and her dad should be together. He says, Georgie’s never had that, and for what it’s worth (🍷), she and Spinelli are awesome co-parents. She says, as evidenced by their polite and thoughtful daughter. Georgie comes back, and plops on a bench with her phone, and Maxie says she wishes Spinelli was dating someone. He says, if nothing else, Georgie would have another target, but Maxie says, because she wants him to be happy; he’s such a great guy. He has a lot to offer, and if he’d stop being so stubborn, and use Society Set-Ups to get his own match… Austin says he thinks she’s putting a lot of faith in Society Set-Ups. It’s just a website with an algorithm matching people based on if they like pickleball, and prefer mayonnaise over ketchup. She says, no. It’s a lot more than that.

Holly thanks Felicia for her concern, and says she’s doing fine… as fine as anyone could do under the circumstances. It’s really scary to not know where she was a year ago or two, but she’s back among friends, and that’s given her strength. Enough about her. Felicia and Mac; tell her everything. Felicia says, Mac is the best. They’ve really been enjoying their grandchildren; Maxie has three now. And Mac is back at the PCPD. Holly says, Felicia still isn’t telling about her, and Felicia says, actually, she’s getting back into private investigating. Holly says, details, and Felicia says, she and Anna went to Austria to uncover the truth about Luke’s death. Holly says she can’t believe Luke is gone. Tell her about Victor Cassadine. Felicia says, he’s not going to forget about Holly. That was one hell of a slap. Holly says, trust her. She’s just getting started.

Mac hugs Robert, and says he’s so glad Holly is alive. Anna asks how she is. Is she all right? Robert says, physically she’s fine, but she’s got no memory of what’s happened for the last two years. Anna says, it’s awful not remembering part of your life, and Robert says, she’s not going to admit it of course (🍷). Anna asks if Jordan called him, but he says, somehow the ringer on his phone got turned off. Mac says, that’s very unprofessional, and Robert says he can’t imagine how he got so distracted. Anna says, he gets a pass. She knows what it means to him to have Holly back. He asks how he can help Anna, and she tells him, get her the hell out of here. He says, if only, and she says, the police have her gun, and Mac says, of course (🍷) it’s the same caliber and bullet casing from the gun that was fired recently. He can’t believe ADA Arden doesn’t see this for the frame-up job it is. Robert says, his hands tied are this one, and Anna says she knows. He has to recuse himself. Otherwise it will look like bias, or worse, like he’s interfering with a police investigation. He says, for now, they’ll have to wait for her arraignment, and she says, he needs to find Valentin for her. He’s supposed to be visiting his daughter in boarding school. Robert says, supposed to be? and she says, the visit was arranged by Valentin’s father. Mac asks if she thinks dear old dad set Valentin up to get him out of the way, and she says, he’s done a good job of setting her up. She can’t prove Victor is responsible for Luke’s death from behind bars, but if Victor believes Valentin is helping her, Valentin and Charlotte are in danger.

Sam asks if Britt is wearing a wire, and Britt says she’s not trying to entrap Sam; she wants to hire Sam. Sam says, to steal jewels? and Britt says she realizes how that sounded. Can they start over? She held on to the box of effects Peter left her. She finally forced herself to sort through it, and among the odds and ends was the key to a safe deposit box. This was in it. She shows Sam a photo of the necklace, and Sam says, if these diamonds are real, it’s worth millions. Britt says, they’re real enough to cut glass, and Sam wonders what the odds are it was acquired legally. Britt says, considering it’s Peter, probably not. They could have been stolen, maybe from her father, or they’re blood diamonds, or they’re from something she wants nothing to do with. Sam asks why Britt needs her, and Britt says she wants Sam to find out where they came from.

Dante punches the heavy bag, as Cody holds it, and says, Cody doesn’t deserve to have Leopold Taub as a father. Cody says he doesn’t know if Dante’s noticed, but he’s not the most upstanding citizen, and Dante says, so what? Cody’s a grown man. It doesn’t matter who his father is. Cody says, where he comes from, it matters. Dealing with a father who is dead and gone is easier than someone who’s going to judge him. Dante says, he thought Sonny was his father when he was flat on his back in a hospital bed after Sonny shot him when Sonny found out he was working undercover. Cody says, yet somehow they managed to bounce back from that? and Dante says, it took some time. He spent his life taking guys like Sonny down. But he was on an undercover job in Turkey… Cody asks if that isn’t a little out of Dante’s jurisdiction, and Dante says, he was working for the WSB at the time. He got pretty messed up over there, but Sonny would stop at nothing to get him and bring him home. So despite everything questionable about him, his father’s a good man. Cody says, he’s still a mobster, and Dante says, allegedly. Cody says he knows Dante and Sonny are close now, but does Dante think he can have that with Mac? Dante says, why not?

Robert says, Valentine can take care of himself, and Anna says she used her one call to call him, and it went straight to voicemail. Robert says, he’s traveling… and Anna says, give her his phone. She puts in Valentin’s number, and asks Robert to please just check on him. She gives him back the phone, and there’s no reception, so he goes upstairs. Anna walks to the other end of the cell, Mac following on the outside, and she says she needs to know, is Deputy Mayor Ashby involved in her case? he says he doesn’t think so; why? She says, Ashby is working for Victor, and he asks if she has any proof. She says, Lucy overheard a conversation between Victor and the Deputy Mayor, the night before she was allegedly shot.

Nina tells Ava, a huge part of dealing with Nikolas is dealing with his family. Ava is already on the fence about her marriage. Ava says, at least she’s made clear, if she chooses to end her marriage, it will be on her terms, not Victor’s, and Nina says, let’s just say Ava decides to stay with Nikolas. Has she considered what her life will be like with Uncle Victor looking over her shoulder, constantly, forever, because he’s not going anywhere? Ava says, Victor is obsessed with this vision of a united Cassadine family, and clearly she’s not in that image anymore. Nina says, she thought Victor liked Ava, and she says, he did, at first. Nina asks, what happened? and Ava says she doesn’t know. After Nikolas had sex with Esme, and she didn’t immediately forgive and forget, maybe Victor saw that she’s not easily controlled, and won’t fall in line with his agenda. Nina says, wouldn’t it be easier for Ava if she walked away? but Ava says, not yet. Not until she gets some answers. Nina steps aside, and Ava leaves.

Victor tells Nikolas, what’s done is done. It’s time to move forward, and working together, we Cassadines have a global reach. Nikolas says, their holdings are already global, but Victor says, he’s not just taking about business and money. This world is in chaos, and we Cassadines are in a position to bring order to that chaos. And order begins at home. Nikolas asks what that means, and Victor says, it means Nikolas needs supervision. Victor is going to be moving into Windymere.  

Maxie tells Austin that Zelda isn’t the brains behind Society Set-Ups; Spinelli is. As he knows, Spinelli is a genius when it comes to computers and coding and all that. He developed an algorithm that matches people together, but it’s a secret. He says, secret algorithm that matches people together; got it. She says, but remember, it’s a secret. If people knew it was a front, and it was really Spinelli’s algorithm that’s matching people together, it could hurt the business, so please don’t tell anyone. He asks who he’s going to tell. He’s a little confused. Why is it a secret? Doesn’t every dating site use an algorithm to match people together? She says, Spinelli’s matching system considers the whole person, and he asks what that means. She says, she remembers it has something to do with data points or points of data, or something like that. Georgie says she wants to go home, and Maxie says, okay. Georgie knows what she needs to do before they leave. Georgie sighs, and tells Austin that she’s sorry. He thanks her for saying that, but it’s fine. He understands. He knows how important it is for her to do stuff alone with her dad, and her mom. Maybe she could think things of some things that are special that she can do with her mom and him. Georgie says, like what? and he says he’d have to think about it. Maybe she can think about it too. She says, maybe, and he says, that would be great.

Nikolas says, Victor can’t move to Windymere, and Victor asks, why not? It’s more than large enough for the both of them, especially with Ava no longer living there. Nikolas says, Windymere is undergoing a major renovation. There will be a lot of noise and no privacy. Victor says, Nikolas is exaggerating; it can’t take that long. But Nikolas says, he’s having masonry done. He had to shut off the north tower because it’s unsafe. Victor shrugs it off, and says, he’s arranged for his things to be sent over. He’s moving in tonight.

Anna asks if Robert had any luck, but Robert says, straight to voicemail. Mac says, maybe Valentin didn’t recognize the number, but Anna says, it’s a Port Charles area code, and Robert says he left a message. With any luck, Valentin will get back to them soon. Holly walks in, and says, this is insulting. She’s literally returned from the dead, and no one is talking about her. Mac hugs her, and Anna asks how she is. Holly takes her hands through the bar, and says, better than Anna at the moment. How did it happen this time? Anna says she got careless, and recruited an asset she shouldn’t have, and Holly says, Lucy? Anna says, good news travels fast, and Holly says, she forgot. Felicia is waiting for Mac. She said to remind him about an appointment. Mac says he can postpone it, but Anna says, he can’t do anything for her right now. Robert asks if it’s Cody Bell. If it is, go; it’s important. Anna says, if his brother says he should go, he should go, and Mac leaves.

Sam asks if Britt is sure she wants to know how this necklace wound up with Peter. Because right now she has plausible deniability. She can break the necklace up, and sell the pieces individually. Britt says she doesn’t want Peter’s blood money, or her father’s, or whoever’s. She’ll figure it out on her own. She’s sorry she wasted Sam’s time. Sam says she’ll take the case. Potentially stolen jewels, possibly involving Cesar Faison, how could she pass it up? They shake hands.

Ava finds Nikolas and asks, where’s Victor? He tells her not to do anything rash. She’s clearly upset. He’s just calling it as he sees it, and what he sees, Victor is going to see. So can they go somewhere more private… She says she’s not going anywhere. Not until she talks to his uncle.  

Anna asks Robert, besides what was in her car, have the police found any other conveniently placed pieces of evidence against her? He says, the PCPD found an open box of bullets in her residence, and she says, don’t tell her. The same brand and caliber as the one found on the docks. Holly says, just lying out in the open? Who does that, besides people trying to frame other people? Anna asks if they’re done analyzing the drone footage, and tells Holly, the footage shows her supposedly shooting Lucy at close range. Robert says, not yet. The coat they found in Anna’s car matched what the shooter is wearing. Anna says, it’s worse than that, and he says, God forbid it should be easy. She says, the trench boat is hers; she recognized it when she saw it in her car. Victor’s people must have stolen it when they broke into her house, and took her gun and ammunition. Holly says, who’s to say it’s the same one as in the video? and Robert says, forensics. It’s covered in gunpower residue. Holly says, that’s not good, and Anna says, Victor is really bending over backwards to make sure she gets sent away for murder.

Nina leaves a voicemail for Valentin, saying, she got a message from Charlotte saying he’s visiting, and she’s very jealous. She wants to hear all about it… Things are a little weird here. Lucy is missing, and his father may be involved. She needs him to give her a call when he gets a chance.

Dante tells Cody to keep him posted, when Sam walks in. She asks if Dante is ready to go, and Cody leaves. She wonders if it’s something she said, but Dante says, not today. They kiss, and she says, he put an extra little something in that kiss. What’s  going on? He says, just a crazy day, and she says she bets her day was crazier. He says, let’s hear it, and she says, Britt hired her as a P.I. He says, he arrested Anna Devane for murder, and she says, you win.

Holly says, if Anna was investigating Victor for the WSB, they should be able to intervene, but Anna says she was working alone. The cable car operator claimed responsibility for the crash, so the WSB decided the matter of Luke’s death is closed. But she’s certain Victor is behind it. Holly asks, why would Victor go to so much trouble to kill Luke after all this time? and Anna says, he wants what remains of the Ice Princess diamond. Holly says, how many people have been killed for that stupid, bloody diamon? Luke told her that Helena Cassadine put a curse on it. She doesn’t believe in curses, but… Robert says, there’s one thing they can all agree on; the Cassadines are toxic.

Ava asks if Nikolas has any idea what Victor did, and Nikolas says, Victor stole his written confession. He’s using it as leverage to make Nikolas move forward with the divorce. She says, he doesn’t know about the video, right? and Nikolas says, definitely not. She says. good. She can’t wait to see his face when he realizes his little power play has fallen flat, but Nikolas says, she can’t tell Victor about the video. If Victor knows she has a copy of his confession, she’ll become a target. Please, let him keep her safe. She asks what he thinks Victor would do to her, and he says, maybe the same thing he did to Lucy. Go before Victor comes back. They need him to believe his plan’s working, and that they’re getting a divorce. They shouldn’t even be seen talking like this. She starts to walk out, and sees Victor come in. She says, too late.

Dante tells Sam, the evidence against Anna is pretty bad, and she says, bad as in a terrible coincidence, or bad as in expert frame-up? He says, Cassadine level frame-up. He’s worried about her actually. Sam says, if he wants to scrap their plans and go home… but he says, that’s the last thing he wants to do. There’s nothing he can do for Anna or Lucy tonight. If they just go home… She says, he’s just going to think about it, and he says, exactly. He says, he’s thinking about going out with her. No case, no job. Nothing’s more important to him than them. They kiss.

Victor tells Nikolas that he’s reconsidered. He thinks he’ll postpone his arrival. Ava asks where he’s going; hell maybe? He laughs, and says he’s moving into Windymere with his nephew. She says, they’ll be practically inseparable. Nikolas is going to love that. Nikolas tells Ava, they’re done here. His lawyer will be in touch. He and Victor walk to the elevator, and Victor says he takes it Nikolas told Ava that he’s going through with the divorce. Nikolas says, yes, and Victor says, he knew Nikolas would see it his way. Nikolas says, Helena thought she could control him once too. Victor might recall it didn’t end well for her.

Georgie sees Mac and Felicia, and runs to them, hugging them. Maxie says, they were just visiting Austin, and Georgie says, her mom was visiting him; she’s just here. Maxie asks what they’re doing here, when Cody walks in. He says, here he is, and here they are. They’re all here for the test. Maxie says, he’s going through with the DNA test? and he says, too late to turn back now, but Maxie promises he won’t regret it. Georgie asks who he is, and Cody introduces himself. She says, she’s Georgianna Spinelli, second of her name, deprived of ice cream. Does he like chocolate ice cream? Cody says, chocolate’s boring, and Georgie tells Maxie, see? Mac says, the lab’s on 10; they should get going. Georgie says she wants to come, and Mac says, come on. Cody says he’ll be there in a second, and walks over to Britt at the reception desk. She asks if he’s here for the test, and he says, the moment of truth. She hopes he gets what he wants. He looks at the others, and says, if only he knew what that was.

Anna says, present circumstances aside, it’s really good to see Holly, and Holly says, present circumstances aside, likewise. Anna says, Robert was devastated when he heard Holly died, but Holly says, she’s sure he was… Anna says, no; he was devastated. Robert comes down, and says, bad news. Anna asks if there’s any other kind, and he says, her arraignment, it’s been pushed to tomorrow. Anna says, of course (🍷) it has, and he promises he’s going to get her out. She says she knows he will. Then they’ll go after Victor. Holly says, oh yes, Count her in.

Tomorrow, Josslyn can’t imagine her life without Cameron; Felicia asks if Sam knows anything troubling about Cody; and Sonny tells someone, it’s going to be the last stunt they pull in this town.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Andy tells us, the group has a diverse set of needs. Some want a good date, and some just want good D. He asks Sutton about Sanjit, and she says, he’s still around, but they’re just friends, no benefits. He asks about Erika’s sex life, and she says she had some last night. From the reaction, you’d have thought she solved a third world food shortage problem. He asks if she has regular friends with benefits, and she says, you need a team of people, in case some are on the bench or can’t play. Alrighty then. Andy says, this season, some thought Erika was letting loose, while others thought she was losing control. We flash back to Erika being lit, and Andy asks how the montage landed. Erika says, when she saw the season, she thought, who is that? She wanted to forget the past year, and numb the pain. Andy says, Garcelle was vocal about Erika’s drinking, and asks when Garcelle became concerned. Garcelle says, after the incident with Jax. She hadn’t realized how bad it was until she watched the episode. She asks Erika, why him? Why not a grown-up? but Erika says, he wasn’t singled out. It was her being drunk and stupid, and was coming from an irresponsible place. Andy brings up Kyle and Dorit laughing about it, and says, it was unsettling to watch. We flash back to that, and Kyle says, she wasn’t there when it happened, and when she saw it, she was mortified. Garcelle says, even without seeing it, she doesn’t get what’s funny. Kyle says, she and Mauricio both felt terrible. Being a mom comes first to her. Garcelle says, yeah, but it was her kid as opposed to Kyle’s, and Dorit says, she asked Erika WTF she was doing. Garcelle says, Erika was wrong, and Erika says, she admitted that. Andy asks if Garcelle felt complete after Erika’s apology, and Garcelle says she accepted it, which isn’t the same thing. Andy says, Erika recently cleared a significant lawsuit, and Erika reads the verdict, that she had no knowledge of wrongdoing of Tom and his firm, nor did she have any participation in said wrongdoing. She says, Sutton was the first to text her congratulations (probably because she’s the only one who reads the papers), and she appreciated it. Sutton says she meant it, and Erika says she knows or Sutton wouldn’t have done it. Andy reads how much Tom’s firm has to pay out, and asks if Erika still can say there were no victims. She says, not of hers. She doesn’t share in that responsibility. Andy says, her response triggered some of the women here, and we flash back to Erika saying, she doesn’t give a f*** about anyone else but herself. Erika says, she’s in a sticky legal fight that’s layered, Andy gently explains that when she says she doesn’t care about anyone but herself, it doesn’t express empathy. Erika says, what people think is on them. It’s like when you take a breath from your own oxygen mask first. She’s helping herself, so in the future, she can help others. If I had coffee in my mouth, I would have done a spit-take. Show of hands as to who believes her?… That’s what I thought. Dorit says, that was better than what Erika said to begin with, and Erika says she felt cornered, and was disappointed in her behavior through the season. She’s in therapy for it, and doing the best she can. Andy says, Erika told her therapist she was at risk of becoming hateful and mean, and Erika says, meaner and more hateful. She didn’t have to watch to know how bad her behavior was. Andy asks if Erika is her own worst enemy, and Kyle says, absolutely. Erika says, they’ve been friends for a long time, and she needed Kyle to be more neutral. Kyle says she tried, but then she couldn’t at that moment, the way Erika was speaking. Erika says, there was only so much she could take, and Kyle says, she was out of control. Erika says, she wasn’t out of control; she was angry. Um… if GH has taught us anything, it’s that two things can be true.

Andy says, when Erika watched the show, did she see that the women were trying to help her? and Kyle says, they took heat for defending Erika. She tells people that Erika is her friend, and they have to let things ride out, but when she hears Erika speak the way she does, she can’t. Dorit asks what Erika is afraid of in showing empathy, but Erika says she has shown empathy. Andy says, it’s not landing, and Erika says, what’s not landing is ruthlessly being persecuted. She’s been berated for two years. Maybe the Dalai Lama can handle it, but not her. Andy says, a lot of viewers asked why she’d want to keep the earrings, and she says she doesn’t have them. We flash back to Erika saying, until she’s told not to, she’s going to wear them. He asks if she isn’t trying to get them back, and she says, we’re on appeal for legal reasons. Andy says, that means she’s trying to get them back, and she repeats, we’re on appeal for legal reasons. Andy tells her, they’re saying the same thing, and Erika says, they’re not, but they are, and I’m bored to death with these earrings. Andy reads a tweet from a viewer who says, they would fight for the earrings. Erika worked at being married to Tom, and deserves her baubles. Andy asks how many of the women would keep them, but there are no takers, and Dorit says, she wouldn’t want anything to do with them. He asks when Erika last spoke to Tom, and she says, last week. He asks what they’re conversations are like, and she says, it’s mostly, how are you doing? Somebody asked why she still spoke to him, and she told them, humanity. If she’s not the Dalai Lama now, she will be by the end of the show. Andy says, Ruth Madoff lost everything because of her husband, and asks if Erika ever thinks about her, but that’s a no. He asks if she misses her old life, and she says, no one ever heard her whine about it. Really? Did we watch the same show? She says she has a job and she’s working it out. She’s going to be fine. Things come and go, but she’s fighting for herself. Andy says, we’ll leave it there, and Erika asks for a tissue. Boo-hoo. Backstage, Kathy is getting dressed in pink, calling it Barbie chic. She says, Paris started it long ago. She had a Barbie birthday party for Paris every year until she was 35. She comes out, and sits next to Kyle. LisaR makes a resting fish face.  

Andy says, Kathy didn’t wear her hotel slippers, but she says, they’re in the dressing room. He asks if she really schlonked [sic] through the airport in slippers, and she says, her feet hurt. We flash back to that, and Kathy’s lack of DM skills are discussed, since apparently she was putting private messages in the comment section on Instagram. Andy says, after Kathy’s avalanche meltdown, LisaR and Erika refused to let it go, regardless of how it damaged their relationship with Kyle or Kyle’s relationship Kathy. We see clips and flashbacks, and I still think LisaR knew Kathy was agitated, and did it on purpose – MY FRIEND KENDALL’S TEQUILA. Kathy asks if LisaR wants to swear on her life on a Bible, and we see more flashbacks; from LisaR saying, if she keeps it in, she’ll get cancer, to Kathy and Kyle hugging. Andy says, lots to digest and discuss. They’ll start with the tequila. A viewer says, the women promote everybody’s everything. Why can’t Kathy promote her tequila? Kathy says she didn’t think the cameras were always focused on her every time she mentioned her tequila, and we flash back to Kathy peddling her brand. Kathy says she had it in her head at Kemo Sabe (which she mispronounces even after being corrected) that there was going to be a tequila tasting of her brand. Andy asks if it pissed her off that LisaR ordered  another tequila, but Kathy says, she should never get things in her head, because then she gets disappointed. She thought it was a thing for her. LisaR says she loves Kathy’s tequila, and it wasn’t her intention to hurt Kathy’s feelings, but Kathy again says she was disappointed since she was expecting something else. Kyle cries, and says, it was her fault, like everything always is. It’s not fair that Kathy got mad at her. Kathy says she apologized. She’s just trying to let Kyle know where her head was at. Andy asks if Kathy was mad at LisaR for ordering the 818 , but Kathy says, she didn’t think it was on purpose. Andy says, moving on to the final night when they went clubbing. What happened to send Kathy over the edge? Kathy says, she went to the DJ, but he had his head down and earphones on, and didn’t see her, so she got frustrated. She saw a manager, and asked if she gave him money, could they put on some songs for her and her friends to dance to? He said, no, they were way too busy; not tonight. She told him that she wasn’t a member, but in the 30 years she’s been coming there, they took requests, like they do in the south of France, London, and Paris. She thought that might have annoyed him, because he asked where she was from, and when she told him, L.A., he said, go back to L.A. So she told Kyle what happened and that she wanted to go. Andy asks if Kyle wanted to stay, and Kyle says, the reason was how Kathy speaks to her. She said, you, leave now. Kathy says she’s not proud of it, and Andy asks what Erika saw. Erika heaves a big sigh, and says she saw Kathy was upset, and asked, what’s wrong? Kathy told her, the bleeping DJ was a bleeping bleep, and walked off. I get the feeling there was a c-word in there, and Kathy says, she admits what she does, but won’t be painted as a monster. Anyone who knows her, knows she doesn’t talk like that. Erika says, anyone who knows her, knows she doesn’t lie. Kathy says she has more credibility than Erika, and a sterling reputation. Andy says, there was an HR investigation, and nothing came out of it. Kathy says, nothing came out in the press, but Erika was walking around with a $250K Cartier ring, a crocodile bag, and a fur coat that aren’t hers. Erika asks how Kathy knows that, and Kathy says, everybody knows, and Erika shows no remorse. Erika laughs, saying, Kathy is trying to save herself. She bought the coat in Aspen years ago, and the Gucci purse is old. (No word on that ring though.) Kyle says she never heard Kathy talk like that, and Andy says, LisaR took Kathy out of the club, and LisaR says, Kathy was making a scene. Her meltdown started in the sprinter. She was screaming, yelling, venting, and saying things LisaR has never heard in her life. Kathy says she recalls venting. She thought she and LisaR had known each other a long time, and they weren’t being filmed, and she could talk. Does LisaR remember telling her halfway through that she gets it, and Kathy was preaching to the choir? LisaR goes, um… She doesn’t, but Kathy said she was going to take down NBC, Bravo, the show, and have Kyle fired. In case you didn’t notice, LisaR sure danced away from what Kathy claims she said. Kathy says, that’s not true, and Andy lists all the things LisaR claims Kathy said. Dorit is a useless, stupid idiot; Crystal and Sutton are POS and should be fired; and she can’t believe she has to be around these peons. Kathy says, LisaR needs to take a lie detector test, and LisaR says, Kathy told her that she was going to destroy Kyle and her family if it’s the last things she does. Andy asks if Kathy remembers saying any of that, but Kathy says, no, she doesn’t.

Lisa fakes concern, saying, it’s so heartbreaking, and Kathy says she knows LisaR is having problems. LisaR asks, what kind of problems? and Kathy says she doesn’t know, but she’d like to talk about the text. We see the silence is golden exchange, and Kathy says, they’re not on her phone. LisaR asks if Kathy is saying she made it up, and produces her phone. She shows it to Andy, professing, she doesn’t want to go here, which is possibly the biggest crock ever. Kathy asks why LisaR says she locked herself in the bedroom, and LisaR says, Kathy was having a psychotic break. She asks how Kathy thinks she felt, hearing Kathy wanted to destroy her sister? Kathy insists she never said that, although she said other things. She said she feels dismissed, and felt like Kyle hated her. And she didn’t stomp on her glasses; she needs them. They’re in her dressing room if LisaR wants to look. Kyle says, the issue got outside of the group, and made their lives more difficult. We flash back to the whole press leak discussion, and Andy says, there was an accusation that it was from Erika. Erika says, she and Nicky had the same representation for years. Another question sidestepped. She says, she wanted to discuss it here, but Garcelle says, nothing stays within the group, especially on social media, which LisaR is doing most of. LisaR says she got a call from TMZ asking, what happened at the club? They already knew something went down. Kathy says, she wanted to make Kyle happy, and apologize on camera. We flash back to that, and Kathy says, then Kyle told her that she had to apologize to LisaR. Kathy says she was willing to talk to LisaR on the phone, but LisaR wanted it on camera. Her contract is coming up, and she needed the drama. Like  how she drove LVP off the show, and what she did to Kathy’s sister. We flash back to the glass smash, and Kathy says, LisaR has had problems with everyone… Camille… the list goes on. LisaR said she’d been bullied when she’s the biggest bully in Hollywood. Everyone knows she’s mean and doesn’t tell the truth. LisaR gives her go-to, wow. This is so sad. She says, it’s between Kathy and Kyle, and they need to work it out, and Kathy says, she wishes LisaR had said that to her that night. She and Kyle love each other; they’re sisters. LisaR says, Kathy was screaming like a banshee, but Kathy tells her, she never said anyone was useless, and LisaR is grasping at straws. Garcelle says, it’s between them. Why didn’t LisaR leave it alone? LisaR says she was attacked. Kathy abused her by screaming and yelling. Andy says, LisaR has screamed and yelled at people, and LisaR says, so? once again proving she’s the one who’s unhinged, or at the very least, hypocritical. Andy says, if Kyle wants to move on, and not know specifics, when is LisaR going to let it go? LisaR says, she lets it go right here and now. Now it’s on them. She absolves herself from now on. She wishes them the best. Did you feel my eye roll? I have no doubt this will be brought up again by her, because nothing is ever let go for good. Andy says, people were questioning why LisaR was so dogmatically getting in the middle, and LisaR says she was traumatized. Andy finds this difficult to believe after everything she’s seen on the show, and LisaR says, it was in the dark. Kathy says, the lights were bright, and since it’s the first time we heard that one, yeah, probably. LisaR says, it was worse than Kim. She saw the devil, and Kathy is a f***ing monster. Kyle says, please, and Andy asks if Kyle is upset at LisaR for bringing it on the show. Kyle composes herself, and says she feels like she’s put in the middle. Her sister is her sister, and her feelings are hurt. She always gets the blame for family things when she didn’t do anything. Then when it came out in public, it made things worse and set them back. The only one who gets hurt is her. She’s upset at being put in this position. Dorit says, at the end of the day, they’re family and they’ll work it out. Maybe it will make them stronger. Kyle says, it spills into the kids, and their kids, and Andy says, Paris was liking questionable tweets. Kathy says, Paris is protective over her mother, and Kyle says she wants to be in a better place, but Kathy says she doesn’t want to talk about it now. Andy says, Farrah is getting married, and asks if Kathy’s family will be there. Kathy says she’s sure they will, and Kyle asks why Kathy is upset that she got upset. Kathy says, Kyle is acting like a martyr, and it’s not fair to her. Kyle says she’s sorry she’s emotional, and Dorit – desperate to fix things, or maybe desperate to get this over with so she can have a drink – says, Kathy wants Kyle to accept some responsibility. Kyle tells Dorit, don’t interject, and asks, what’s bothering Kathy. Kathy says, she doesn’t lie, and Kyle knows that. Kyle tells her, she said she’d never heard Kathy says those words. Kathy says, she’s shocked at LisaR, and LisaR says she’s shocked too. Kyle says, the taunting stuff on Instagram doesn’t help things, and only hurts her. Kathy says, they’re sisters, and she loves Kyle, and they hug. LisaR literally rolls her eyes, and I want to smack her stupid face. Andy thanks Kathy for joining them. He knows it wasn’t fun, but appreciates it.

Kyle says, once again, everything is her fault, and Kathy leaves, saying, this is a nightmare, as she goes to the dressing room. It’s really hard to tell if Kyle is overreacting or not, and she tells Sutton that she can’t sit here and do a fake toast. LisaR makes rumblings of starting sh*t again, and Dorit says, it won’t go anywhere good. What does she have to gain? That’s a good question, Dorit. The only thing she’s gained this season is unpopularity. Kyle asks if she can leave, and Andy asks (producer?) Doug what he wants to do, then says, they’ll do this quick.

He says, final thoughts. Kyle is clearly still upset, but he feels they’ll figure it out, and Kyle says she hopes so. He says, LisaR losing her mom was the toughest moment; what was it like sharing the experience? LisaR says, grieving is private; you don’t think about it being public. It’s a mindblower. My well of sympathy having dried up for her, I feel less than nothing about her grief. Andy says, Erika got some tough love, and asks how she’s feeling. She says, things are good. She’s made legal progress, and that’s all she can ask for right now. He says, Dorit had a difficult year, and asks if there’s a silver lining. She says, when she sees her kids, she’s reminded of how lucky she is, and Andy says, Crystal’s friendships were tested, but she found her voice. Crystal says, her friendships are stronger, and she’s learned lessons about herself, and the type of friend she wants to be. He says, Sutton’s name was on the tip of everyone’s tongue, and asks if her friendships are in a better place. Sutton says she doesn’t know where she stands with some of the ladies (she’s being gracious), but she thinks it will all work out. She wants to work on forgiveness, and moving on in a positive way. Andy asks if Garcelle has her eye set on a new goal, and Garcelle says she wants to have more fun. Drinks come out – Belvedere vodka with three lemons, carcass out, in a short glass. Andy says, they’ve earned their drinks, and Kyle asks if she has to. Andy says, no, and everyone clinks except Kyle who puts in a fist bump. She hugs Andy and leaves.

Five minutes later. Not being able to leave it alone for a hot minute, Dorit knocks on Kyle’s dressing room door. She says she wants to talk to Kyle like a sister, and would like to speak with Kathy in the same way. Kyle won’t get a resolution and warm feelings today, but Kyle and Kathy will handle it, and she’ll help. Outside, Kathy gets in a golf cart, and it speeds away. Still on stage, LisaR says, just f***ing unbelievable. Dorit tells Kyle, if Kathy makes her pay for the sins of others, that’s on her. What good is crying going to do? Dorit hugs her, and says, it’s been a long day; she needs rest. We see a picture of Kathy and Kyle looking sisterly, and the text says, the next time they saw each other was at BravoCon. Kyle hopes they’ll get back to a good place again – eventually.

And with that, this season is blessedly, finally over.

💭 After watching this, Kathy may or may not be capable of saying the things LisaR claims, but however she and Kyle handle their family dynamic is their business. I don’t believe for a second that LisaR was traumatized – not after the antics she’s pulled. Instead of being a real friend, and keeping her nose out of family business like Kyle begged her to, LisaR acted like a complete a-hole, including on social media. If anyone is a monster, it’s her. Erika looked like a saint in comparison. I only wish I could have stuck out my foot and tripped LisaR on her way back to the dressing rooms.

😱 Don’t Look In the Basement…

Join me tomorrow for soap and definite smack talk about that creepy House, and I don’t mean where the Addams Family live. Until then, stay safe, stay standing for something, and not falling for anything, and stay never flavor shaming anyone.