What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Sonny and Jason walk into the hospital, and Sonny thanks Jason for talking about his bipolar disorder. He knows it’s a difficult subject to start. Jason says, they’ve been through worse, and Sonny says, no kidding. Jason is right. He has to get his bloodwork and the scripts; whatever he has to do. He says, Jason doesn’t have to stay, and Jason says he has to call Diane. They have to figure out what they need to do for Sonny to be declared legally alive. He has the feeling that he, Sonny, and Carly are going to be filling out a lot of paperwork. Sonny says, paperwork can wait. He needs to see Carly and tell her that Nina knew he was alive the whole time.

Carly tells Nina, you stole Sonny’s life, and bitch, you’re gonna pay. Nina says she sees Sonny told Carly. She has every right to be angry… Carly says, don’t tell her what she has a right to feel. Tell her why. Then give her one good reason not to kill her. Ugh. I hate Carly more all the time.

Josslyn leaves Carly a voicemail, saying, she knows Carly is mad at Nina. So is she, but Nina is still Wiley’s grandmother, and the last thing anybody wants is for him to get stuck in the middle. So if she hasn’t found Nina yet, and she gets this message, just count to ten. She joins Cameron and Trina outside Kelly’s, and Cameron asks if they’re really doing this. Josslyn says, hell yeah, and Trina says, okay then, handing Josslyn (I assume) something caffeinated, get amped. Today’s the day Spencer and Esme get what’s coming to them.

Esme says, it’s been hours, and Spencer’s father isn’t back yet. He says, it isn’t unusual or alarming, and she asks if he doesn’t find it alarming that his father went after Ava. He should have tried harder to stop it. He puts his arm around her, and says, it’s moot now. Ava is probably halfway across the Atlantic. Esme says, here’s hoping the plane crashes and she’s the only casualty, and he laughs. He says, in more great news, he can’t believe his Uncle Sonny is alive. She says, yes, Josslyn mentioned it. How wonderful. He asks if Josslyn told her how it all went down, and she says, Josslyn was in a hurry. She wasn’t too informative. Spencer says, Sonny can tell him himself. He can’t wait to see him. She says she’s sure Sonny would appreciate a visit once he’s settled, and he says, his feelings for Ava aside, he is happy for Avery. He knows that little girl and her daddy adore each other. Oh, okay. It’s all right for Avery to have her mother torn from her though.

At Kelly’s, Scotty picks up the envelope with the divorce papers, and tells Ava, they’re going to get her unhitched. She takes the envelope, putting it back on the table, and he says, what’s the big deal? It gets easier every time, divorce. She asks how many times he’s been divorced, and he says, too many. He says he’s getting his fee, but does she want him to file this with the court, or does she want to stay married? It’s her call. Temporary Nikolas walks in.

Carly says she knew she would find Nina there. One last visit with Wiley before Michael and Willow found out? She’s a stellar human being. Says the person who… oh, never mind. Nina says all her lies are blowing up in her face, while Carly got her husband back. Can’t that be enough? Carly says Nina played God with Sonny’s life for the past nine months, and now she’s caught and wants it to be enough? Hell no. She did it, and now she’s going to pay the consequences.

Epiphany comes out, and Sonny smiles at her. She says she heard, but she needed to see it with her own eyes. He says, hello, and she says, this is a miracle, and hugs him. Britt goes to the reception desk, and Sonny says it’s good to see Epiphany. He’s there to see Dr. Sullivan. She says, very sensible, but first, they need to get him into a room. She needs to take his vitals so she can declare him officially back from the dead. They leave, and Britt tells Jason, twice in one day. He asks if it’s a problem, and she says, not for her.

Nikolas says he’s been looking everywhere for Ava, and she asks how he got past Bubba. He says, just hear him out before Bubba comes to, and Ava asks if Nikolas is saying he knocked Bubba out. Scotty says he’s going to give Mr. Bubba his card. When he comes to, he might want to sue Nikolas. Ava says, always a charmer, and Scotty leaves. Nikolas sits down, and says he’s glad he caught Ava. She says he didn’t; he’s too late. Aside from a few practical matters, she’s ready to leave Port Charles. Next stop, London, her new base of operations. He puts his hand on the envelope, and asks if this is one of those practical matters. She says, the most practical of all; the divorce papers, signed, sealed, and all Scotty has to do is deliver them. He says, then he got there just in time, because there’s no need for Scotty, no need for divorce papers, no need for her to head anywhere but home to Windymere with him. She says, they’ve gone over and over and over this… and he says he has news. Something that will change everything. Sonny is alive. She says she knows, and he says, she does? She says, she stopped by his house this morning to say goodbye to Avery, and he says, why did she say goodbye? Doesn’t she see this changes everything? She says, it doesn’t. It changes nothing.

Josslyn says, they need to move fast. It’s go time. Cameron tells them, hold on. Are they really sure about this? Josslyn says, he’s backing out now? and he says, nobody’s backing out of anything. He’s just asking them to hear him out. Yes, Esme and Spencer’s behavior could warrant suspicion in their involvement of the stalking of Ava and Nikolas… Trina says, that’s why they’re doing this, and he says, without any evidence? Josslyn says, why? They’re not a court of law. Trina tells him, like she said, where there’s smoke, there’s fire, but he says, what if it’s just smoke? Trina says, if they’re wrong, great – Josslyn says, we’re not wrong – it will exonerated Spencer and Esme once and for all. Josslyn says, no one is getting exonerated. Trina says she’ll buy Spencer a new designer belt, and she and Esme will braid friendship bracelets together. Josslyn says, that’s not even in the realm of possibility, and Trina says, no, but she gets what Cameron is saying. They need to keep an open mind. Cameron says, okay, but if Spencer and Esme find out what they’re doing, even if it proves them innocent, do Trina and Josslyn think they’re just going let it go; no hard feelings? Spencer can hold a grudge longer than anyone he knows. Josslyn says, which would explain his motive for stalking Ava, which is why she still thinks it’s a risk worth taking. Trina says, it is for her. She barely knows Spencer, and doesn’t like Esme anyway. Josslyn can’t imagine who does, and Trina says, her point is, if they’re right, Ava can stay in Port Charles with her husband and daughter. Josslyn says, and those two will be exposed for the schemers they are. It’s a win-win. Trina says, for the last time, is Cameron in? He says, let’s spring this trap.

Nina says she knows what she’s done, and Carly says, does she? Because she wants to hear it from Nina’s own mouth. Nina says, okay. She kept Sonny from his family for months, and her lies put a lot of people in danger in Nixon Falls and Port Charles. Carly says, it wasn’t enough for Nina to make a scene at Sonny’s funeral, she had to make sure he stayed dead to the rest of them? Nina says, she’ll forever regret the unintended consequences of her actions, and Carly says, unintended consequences? Her husband almost burned to death because of Nina. Nina says, is that what he told Carly? and Carly says, he told her that he was trapped in a fire, so she’s guessing Nina had something to do with it. Nina says she’s so sorry for all the pain she’s caused, but Carly says she doesn’t think so. Nina says maybe she’s not as contrite as Carly wants her to be, because Carly hasn’t owned up to her part in all this. Carly asks how any of this is her fault.

Sonny tells Epiphany, he was trapped. There was fire everywhere, and it came to him. She says, just in time to remind him about everything he had to live for. He says, it’s good to be alive; to be himself, and know who he is. She says she’s sure his family is over the moon, but he says, they’re not as happy as he is. Michael, Dante, Josslyn, and Kristina all came over. She says she’s sure they were happy to see him, and he says, Donna is too little, but Avery held on to him so tight, and wouldn’t let go. Epiphany says, of course (🍷) she did, and he says, even though he was gone so long, it didn’t matter; he was home. She says, believe her, it mattered. Everyone was devastated when he died, especially Carly and Jason. He says, Jason had a lot to deal with. He heard Jason got arrested. Epiphany says, did he now? Even in death, Sonny doesn’t miss a trick. Sonny says he’d love to hear the details, and she says she wasn’t there for all of it, so some is secondhand, but he says he won’t ask her to swear to anything. Epiphany sits down, and says, Jason was framed by Peter for killing Franco. He was sent to Pentenville, where he was conveniently stabbed, and brought there. Someone – she doesn’t know who – arranged for his escape. He says, someone knew it was easier to break him out of the hospital than prison, and she says, rumor has it that he was free and clear, but he ran back to save Britt, when Cyrus’s thugs tried to kill her. At the time, the police thought Britt was a hostage. Sonny says, Jason would never do that, and she says, not everybody knows that. Jason was shot, Britt fixed him up, and they ended up on the run for a while. The rest, as they say, is hospital gossip.

Britt asks Jason why Sonny is there, and Jason says, to check in with his psychiatrist. Any word about her mom? She says, no, not yet. Finding Liesl Obrecht isn’t exactly a high priority for the WSB. Britt knows Obrecht is who she is, but she’s still her mother. She’s all Britt has. He says his offer still stands if she wants him to look into it. She says she meant what she said the first time, Marriage or no marriage, she doesn’t need his help anymore. 

Nikolas says, he knows he and Ava aren’t Sonny’s favorite people, but Sonny has resources they don’t. She asks, what resources don’t they have? He’s a Cassadine. He says, we are Cassadines, but she says, not for long. He asks if she told Sonny why she was leaving. What did he say? She says, he wasn’t happy about Avery having been approached, but he wasn’t too broken up about her leaving. He asks if she’s suggesting Sonny is no longer the type of man who would find the person who threatened his daughter, and make them suffer. Avery is safe. Ava says, she’s not, and she’ll be in danger as long as Ava stays. That psychopath set fire to her car; who knows what else they’ll do? What about that doesn’t he understand? He says she’s right. He’s sorry. He thought Sonny would be the solution they needed. She says, the only solution is the one she’s already arrived at. She has to walk away. Scotty sits down with them, and tells them, he can’t believe he’s going to say this, especially to them, but it would be a shame for them to give up on each other.

Cameron goes to Windymere, and Spencer says, well, if it isn’t the townie. Cameron says, live and in person, and Spencer asks, to what does he owe this unexpected pleasure? Cameron says, the pursuit of higher education. Did Spencer take the Roman Civ notes today? He doesn’t know what’s up with him, but he couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Spencer says, that’s because Cameron is intellectually ungifted, and Esme says, be nice. Not everyone gets to grow up in boarding schools and haunted castles. Spencer says, Windymere isn’t haunted, but Esme says, it is so haunted. Cameron says, he knows. He asks if Esme can back him up. Isn’t it Spencer’s duty as his intellectual superior to help him out? Esme says, it is, but Spencer says he didn’t take notes. Cameron says that’s because he remembers everything he hears, but Spencer says, it’s because he’s not taking the test. He’s just auditing the class to keep his father off his back. Cameron asks how that’s working out, and Spencer says, so far, so good. Cameron asks if that means there’s going be another rager? and Spencer asks why he’d do that. Cameron says, when the cat’s away… His dad is leaving right?

Epiphany says she takes it Carly and Jason brought Sonny up to speed, and he says he wishes he’d gotten out before Jason and Carly got married, and blew so much money on deposits. They laugh, and Sonny says he guesses his timing is off. Epiphany says, for a man just barely made it out of a raging inferno, he has remarkably good vitals. Sonny says he’s going to head upstairs for another appointment, and Epiphany says, it’s good to have him back. She missed him. They hug.

Nina tells Carly, at the heart of it, it’s about her grandson. Carly says, who happens to be her grandson too, and Sonny’s. Nina says she realized that. That’s why she called Carly immediately to tell her. Does she remember that phone call? Before Nina could get a word out, Carly threatened her with court about visitation with Wiley. Carly says, so she deserved months of loss, grief, and pain for one rude phone call? Nina says, if Carly doesn’t believe her, ask Jax. He figured out what was going on, and encouraged her to tell Sonny the truth. Carly says, encouraged? and Nina says, insisted. She agreed, and Jax said he’d trust her to do the right thing. Carly wonders, why the hell would Jax do that?

Spencer asks what Cameron means about his father leaving, and Cameron says, sorry; wrong word choice. Spencer says his father can’t leave; they just moved in. Cameron says, Nikolas is taking a trip to Bora Bora, and Spencer asks, what makes him think that? Cameron says Spencer’s dad talked to Trina about getting two first-class tickets. He and Ava are celebrating calling off their divorce. He asks if he can use the bathroom, and Spencer tells him, help himself. He leaves, and Esme says, when will Spencer learn that she’s always right.

Trina’s phone dings, and she tells Josslyn, it’s done. Thanks to Cameron, phase one is in motion. It’s too late to turn back now.

Ava asks if Scotty is saying she and Nikolas shouldn’t get divorced, and Scotty says, yeah. He’s still charging a fee though. She asks where this is coming from, and Scotty says he’s been doing a lot of thinking lately about love and life, and how sketchy it can be. The uncertainty of a separation is a kind of death in its own way. Getting bounced out of an airplane like a guy who had too many martinis got him thinking. Nikolas asks if there’s any word on Obrecht, but Scotty says, no. He’s going to find her. He’s going to turn over every rock if he has to. He has to say this; true love is worth fighting for. Nikolas says he never pegged Scotty for a romantic, and Scotty says he’s been hopeless at times. He can’t control this whole thing with Obrecht, but what he can control is them. He’s not letting them throw in the towel. There must be something they can do to keep them together. Ava says, they’ve been through all that, but Nikolas says, Scotty is a clever guy. Maybe he can come up with an unconventional solution. Scotty thanks him and says, so they’ve got a little stalker problem… Ava says she doesn’t think it’s so little, and he says, what he’s thinking is, so this weirdo goes crazy when they make eyes at each other. There’s only one solution. Nikolas says, do tell, and Scotty says, date other people.

Jason tells Britt that he’ll always care what happens to her, whether he helps her or not. She says, she doesn’t give a damn about him. She walks away, and sees Sonny. She tells him, welcome back, and he says, it seems they have a lot of catching up to do. She says, he’s been gone a long time. On thing she’s learned about Port Charles; you miss a day, you miss a lot. She leaves, and Sonny says, Renault tried to have her killed, right? Jason says, yeah, and Sonny says, and Jason got shot going to get her. Jason says, that’s right, and Sonny says, Epiphany filled him in. He guesses Jason wasn’t going to. Jason tells him, there’s not much to say. It happened; it’s over. Sonny asks, did Jason leave Britt for Carly?  

Carly says Nina had nine months to do the right thing. While Sonny’s kids grieved, Donna forgot her father, and Jason went to prison, Sonny was tending bar in some dive and Nina did nothing but lie to their faces. Why would Jax expect her to tell the truth? Nina says, and Carly feels qualified to judge since she knows so much about the truth. Carly says, screw you. Nina stole nine months of Sonny’s life because Carly hurt her feelings? Nina says, at least she got Sonny back. She’ll never see her daughter again. Carly says, now the truth comes out. This was payback for Nelle.

Sonny says, he’ll never forget that Jason and Carly made that sacrifice to marry and protect what’s his. Maybe now he can go pick up the pieces with Britt. Jason says he doesn’t think Britt agrees with that, but Sonny says Jason can change her mind. Jason says he’s not sure that’s possible, and Sonny says, do him a favor. Ask himself if Britt makes him happy. Jason’s phone dings, and he says he should handle this. How long is Sonny’s psych evaluation? Sonny tells him, don’t worry; he’ll have Tony pick him up. Sonny gets in the elevator, and Jason calls Josslyn. He asks, what’s up? and she says she’s kind of meddling here, but she feels like if she doesn’t, things could escalate. He asks, what happened? and she says, mom found out something about Nina, and now she’s on the warpath. She’s not responding to any calls or texts. He says, don’t worry; he’ll find her. He calls Spinelli, and says he needs Spinelli to find Carly; put a track on her phone for him.

Nikolas says, Scotty is advising his wife to date another man? and Scotty tells him, don’t be thick, Nik. Nikolas, of all people, should understand subterfuge, and Nikolas says, so she should date another man for show? Scotty says, put on a show for this crackpot, but Ava says she tried it. She flirted with Austin at the bar. Nikolas says, and her car was still set on fire. Scotty says, Austin is a good choice, but did she give it the old college try? What about Nikolas? Has he stepped out with anybody? Nikolas says, of course (🍷) not. He would if he thought it would help. Ava looks at him, and he says, subterfuge. Scotty says, look who’s jealous. She wants Nikolas to be jealous, but not her. Nikolas says, there would be nothing to be jealous of, and she says, woudn’t there? Scotty says, okay, fake dating’s not going to work. How about skipping town? Nikolas says he was all for it, but they can’t leave their children behind. Scotty says, take the little turds with them, but Ava says, any plan that uproots the kids is out of the question. Scotty says he has another idea. Nikolas is very resourceful with resources and everything. Why doesn’t he get Mr. Bubba to take the guy out? Get a real assassin to get the job done. Ava says, they were just talking about the Cassadine resources, and Nikolas says they’ve exhausted those options, and no new intel to show for it. Scotty says he guesses they’ll have to put their thinking caps on. Nikolas says he appreciates Scotty trying to help. It’s helped him finally realize something. Ava’s solution is the right one. Until they figure out who the stalker is, and how to handle them, they have to cut ties with each other.

Esme says, Spencer was so sure they’d scared Ava into leaving, but she told him that Nikolas would win her back. He says he can’t believe his father is choosing Ava over him again. Just when they’ve started rebuilding their relationship. What the hell did he do all this for, if Nikolas can leave him at the drop of a hat? Esme is sure Ava is dropping more than a hat. That’s why Nikolas can’t think straight, but don’t worry; she’s got this. His father just needs to be brought back to reality. He says, they’ve called off the divorce. They’re probably already on the Cassadine jet. It’s too late. She asks if he trusts her. She saved him before, and she’ll do it again. He says, of course (🍷) he trusts her, but he wonders if this has all gone far enough. She says, let her decide how far is too far. She’ll be back, and so will his dad. She goes out the door, seeing Cameron in the entryway. She says, sorry, she’s got to run, but please come again soon. Ciao. Cameron asks Spencer if he’s okay, and Spencer says, never better. Cameron says he thought they were past hiding how they really feel, because they’re worried one will make fun of the other. Spencer says, okay, cards on the table. Total honesty. Cameron says, absolutely, and Spencer asks, what’s the real reason Cameron came over?

Cameron sends Josslyn a devil emoji, and she tells Trina, she-devil is on the move. Trina says, Cam might have needed a little nudge, but he definitely delivered. Josslyn says, the launch will be here any second. Is Trina still tailing Esme like they discussed? Trina says she doesn’t know. Spencer’s the slippery one, right? Anyone who managed to avoid everyone they knew in Port Charles for weeks needs two sets of eyes on them. Josslyn says, she’ll follow Esme and report back, and Trina tells her, be careful. If they’re right, Esme set Ava’s car on fire. Who knows what that chick is capable of? Josslyn says she survived Nelle. She can handle what Esme’s got.

Carly says Nina acts like Nelle was a martyr. She was a murderer, and the world is better off without her, and so is Wiley. Nina says, how dare Carly say that to her? Nelle was her child. Carly says she didn’t know that until after Nelle died, and Nina says, Carly means after she watched Nelle plummet to her death. Carly laughs, and Nina says, how dare she laugh? Carly stayed silent, didn’t tell the police anything, and let Nelle rot, not allowing Nina any closure. Carly says, so Nina decided to balance the scales with nine months of grieving a man who wasn’t dead? If Nina wanted to hate her and make her suffer, fine, but how does she justify making Sonny’s kids suffer, or Sonny? Nina says, she’ll gladly apologize to Sonny, his children, his family, his friends, even his seventh grade math teacher while she’s at it, but she’ll be damned if she ever apologizes to Carly. Ugh. I know Nina did wrong, but I hate Carly. She’s got nothing for anybody who’s not so-called family.

Trina looks at her phone, and says, Cameron, you should be out of there by now.

Esme walks into the hospital, and Josslyn follows at a distance. She says, Esme, what the hell are you doing?   

Spencer says, obviously Cameron isn’t there to get his notes, and Cameron says, of course (🍷) not. Spencer’s auditing the class. Spencer asks, then why? and Cameron says, it’s obvious. He practically told Spencer.  Cameron came to check up on him. The last time they all hung out, he felt tension. Spencer asks if Cameron means when he, Josslyn, and Trina all huddled and gossiped about him and his girlfriend, and Cameron says, sorry. It wasn’t cool. Spencer asks what they talked about. What did they say about him and Esme, or can’t Cameron tell him? Cameron says, they just all think Esme… He doesn’t know how to say this without it sounding weird. Spencer says Cameron always sounds weird; spit it out. Cameron says they think Esme has some kind of hold over him; like an influence. Spencer says, Esme loves him, and Cameron tells him, he didn’t say she didn’t. Spencer says Esme looks out for him more than his own father, and Cameron says Spencer’s father loves him. Spencer says, the way Augustus loved Tiberius; exiled, and choosing him last every time. Cameron says, it looks like Spencer did take notes, and Spencer says, if he’s not enough for his father, why is he still fighting for him? Cameron asks how Spencer is fighting for Nikolas, but Spencer says, it doesn’t matter anymore. Cameron says his relationship with Franco was rough when Franco started seeing his mom, but they worked at it. They developed a relationship, but with time and effort, they became like a real father and on. Things worked out, and it’s not too late for Spencer and Nikolas to put everything behind them, and move forward together. Spencer says, that’s just it. He’s not Cameron, and never will be.

Ava thanks Scotty for trying. She knows he’s going through a difficult time, and appreciates him meeting her. He says he’s still going to bill her, and she says she knows. He says, Nikolas too. He’s got to  meet a client. Should he take the papers with him? Ava doesn’t say anything, and he takes the envelope. Nikolas tells Scotty that his resources are at Scotty’s disposal to find Obrecht, and Scotty says he might take Nikolas up on it. Scotty leaves, and Ava says that was kind of Nikolas. Nikolas says, true love is always a worthy cause.

Epiphany asks Britt if everything is all right, and Britt says, yes. Why is she asking? Epiphany says she gets that Britt has to be the untouchable Chief of Staff. Just so Britt knows, Epiphany sees through her.

Nina says, Carly let her daughter die, lied to her for weeks, and did everything in her power to rob Nina of her grandson. Carly says, and she’d do it over all again. If Nina wants to hate her for it, come and get her, but don’t use someone like she used Sonny. Nina says, look at the bright side. At least Sonny’s back; she should be overjoyed. Carly asks if that’s supposed to make it okay. All’s well that end’s well? Nina says, none of this is okay, it’s just better. Everybody is happy Sonny is back, but really the question is, will Sonny stay happy? Carly asks what the hell that’s supposed to mean.  

Britt says, Epiphany sees through her? and Epiphany says, always have, always will. Britt asks, what is it she sees? By all means, enlighten her. Epiphany says, she bets Britt is going through a lot, and it might even become overwhelming. So if Britt ever needs to talk it through, use her as a safe space… within reason.

Ava says she needs to get going, and Nikolas says, fine. He’ll let her go, but he’s not giving up. He’ll move heaven and earth to find out who’s doing this, and when he does, they’ll be together again. She thanks him for not standing in her way, and he says, anymore? She says, anymore. He just has one request – wait for him. She fixes his lapel, looks at him for a moment, and leaves. Outside, she leans against the door for a moment.

Spencer says, Cameron is like the poster child for upstanding sons, and Cameron laughs, and says, clearly Spencer has been away far too long. How does he figure this? Spencer says, even for a short time, Cameron and Franco were like father and son. They had a bond. Maybe he doesn’t deserve that kind of bond with his own father… Not after everything he’s done. Cameron asks what Spencer means. What has he done?  

Sonny asks Epiphany if he’s good to go, and she says, not bad for a member of the recently deceased. She’ll get his after-visit summary. She leaves, and Esme comes up to Sonny. She asks if he’s Sonny Corinthos, and he says, who’s asking? She says, thank goodness she found him. Josslyn watches.

Nina tells Carly, things were simpler in Nixon Falls. Mike was actually happy. Carly says, stop calling him Mike, but Nina says, that’s who he was there. Jason comes in while Nina is talking, and Nina says, it’s who he wanted to be; not consumed with ambition, and riddled with guilt and regret. He wasn’t mourning the death of a child to violence. Carly launches herself at Nina, saying, don’t use the name of her child (which technically, Nina didn’t), but Jason runs in and intercepts her. Carly struggles with Jason, and tells Nina, get out. Nina says, tell Wiley that she’ll come back, but Carly says, Nina is never seeing Wiley again. Nina says Carly can’t change the fact that she’ll always be Wiley’s grandmother, and Carly says, Nina is nothing to him. Nina leaves, and Carly jerks away from Jason, whining that Nina threw Morgan in her face. He says, that’s because she knows she lost. Carly got Sonny back, and Nina’s got nothing. Let it go. Carly says, she’s going to burn Nina’s life down, and spit on her ashes. For an emotionless dude, Jason looks pretty horrified.

Tomorrow, Jason says someone’s feelings will be the least of their problems, Ava has unfinished business, Alexis asks what Shawn is trying not to tell her, and Sonny says Esme was right in coming to him.  

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Still in San Diego at the Del Mar, the women, minus Erika, took limo busses to Lorimar Vineyard, where they did a wine tasting, driving to various areas of the winery in a Rice-A-Roni cable car with tour guide Jared. I loved the cable car. It was like it had gone rogue off the tracks. Kathy brought her scooter along, and in her interview, told us it was see, sniff, swirl, and sip – then swallow. In Garcelle’s interview, she said, if dating was like wine tasting, she would love it so much more. She could line them up, and decide which one she wanted to take home. While they sat at a long table, swirling, sniffing, and guzzling sipping, Kyle announced that Tom’s brother was wanting to put him in a home, and told everyone about the burglary. LisaR jumped in, confirming everything, and lowering the times Erika’s son’s car rolled, making it four. In Sutton’s interview, she suggested someone put this man somewhere he could be taken care of. In Crystal’s interview, she said, this can’t be real. She’s never seen snow in L.A. In Dorit’s interview, she brought the car roll back to the original five, and said, this was stuff you only saw in movies. In Garcelle’s interview, she said, Erika’s stories were unbelievable, because they were hard to believe. Sutton added that she was not playing Nancy Drew. Let Scooby and his friends figure it out. Crystal said she knew what it was like to love someone with dementia. Husband Rob had stepped up, and was all in, getting her father everything he needed. Not everyone had that. Kathy excused herself to go back for a massage. She had a migraine and a neckache. In her interview, she explained that she’d been hit with a golf ball when she was a kid while doing a Barbie commercial, and had suffered ever since. By the end of the excursion, they’d had a lot of wine, and after enjoying a beautiful sunset, Kyle dared to do an impression of Erika. Even more daring was Sutton following with another one. I’ll have what they’re having.

Kyle, Sutton, and Dorit gathered in Kyle’s room for a kiki before dinner. Dorit felt badly for Erika. She felt Erika had cleared up a lot at the picnic, which Sutton hadn’t gone to. That was the first time Erika used the word alleged in regard to Tom being unconscious for twelve hours. Sutton asked, how can you be allegedly unconscious? and in her interview, she wondered why Erika’s story changing all the time, adding, I think y’all allegedly drank the Kool-Aid. In Dorit’s interview, she said she didn’t want to push it with Erika, but then they were left looking like idiots for asking, The women met in the lobby, and walked to dinner together, Kathy using her scooter. Dorit remarked that Erika was wearing latex, so it must be a good day. In Kyle’s interview, she said, Erika was not going to give Sutton any chances. The ice queen was not cracking on this one. Erika was back to getting a hot toddy, and said she was so overwhelmed; she’d needed a minute. What she was going through sucked, but there were people who could step up for Tom. He’d done a lot for a lot of people. Why was her kid there? We also got the official Erika approval stamp on her son having rolled his car five times. In Sutton’s interview, she said, something was weird. It was like the women wanted to prove they were Erika’s friends, She compared it to Denise last year, and we flashed back to that bitch LisaR, and all the she said that you said that they said garbage. In her interview, Garcelle said they were all kissing Erika’s ass, and it all seemed phony. Suddenly, Kyle asked Sutton if a kitty cat had her tongue. WTF?   

In Sutton’s interview, she said, Kyle watched Erika threaten her. Who’s this helping? In Kyle’s interview, she said, Erika had been so down, she just knew she was going home and crying. It made her happy to see that Erika was in good spirits, and she hoped no one ruined it. If I’d had something in my mouth, I would have done a spit-take, after what she’d just asked Sutton. If anyone was going to ruin it, Kyle made a good start. Surprising everyone, especially Sutton, Erika brought Sutton into the conversation, and in her interview, a producer asked if Erika was trying to smooth things over. She said she wasn’t smoothing anything, but why ruin anyone else’s time? She added that she was the best person in the group, and the most adult, then laughed, but I’m not quite sure she didn’t mean it. The next morning, Garcelle had coffee with Sutton on Sutton’s balcony, and Sutton said she was surprised that Erika spoke to her, and Garcelle said, it was like nothing happened. Did she trust it? Sutton said she’d see what the day brought. LisaR called to video chat, and was so loud, Erika heard her from the room upstairs, and came out on her balcony. Luckily, they weren’t talking smack, and Garcelle said it seemed like Erika had a rebirth. LisaR said it had been a long time since they’re seen the real Erika. It was joyous. Sutton said they’d never seen that side, and Erika finally called down that she could hear everything.

Yoga instructor Kory came to teach a class of yoga on paddleboards in the pool. Crystal and LisaR were the only takers, and oddly enough, I didn’t see Kory’s ass on a paddleboard. In LisaR’s interview, she said, finally, there was somebody adventurous in the group, and not afraid to get her hair wet. In Crystal’s interview, she said she was self-conscious in a bathing suit, especially next to LisaR. But LisaR convinced her to wear one, swearing she was wearing a teeny bikini, and showed up in yoga pants. Garcelle and Sutton joined them, but plopped into chaise lounges. LisaR said she didn’t know they’d have an audience, and Garcelle said it was more like hecklers. Kyle and Erika played (I guess) paddle-ball? It was on a tennis court, and like ping pong, but with a bigger ball and paddles. They didn’t keep score, and just hit the ball around, then had champagne. It reminded me of the semester I had tennis in phys-ed in high school, minus the champagne. My best friend was in my class, and we mostly goofed around. LisaR and Crystal both ended up falling in the water, trying to balance on one leg, Garcelle said if tried that on a paddleboard, she’d be using a scooter like Sutton. LisaR marveled that Erika had talked to Sutton, and Sutton said she was surprised, but didn’t know if the door was still closed, and if not, what the angle was. At least now she thought they could get through it. Erika told Kyle that she was feeling better. She couldn’t wallow because life goes on. She had zero dollars, and told her lawyers that she expected nothing. She said they told her that was the most courageous thing they’d ever heard, but it only makes sense that you can’t squeeze blood from a turnip, and there was a long line for any assets. In Kyle’s interview, she said, no one wanted to see themselves with nothing, but the victims needed to be paid. Erika said, every day was a new disaster, and full of bullsh*t .

In Kathy’s interview, she said that she’d rested up, and was psyched for the boat trip she’d planned. She’d hired celebrity chef Brian full of Malarkey to cook, and I actually remembered him from Top Chef. They went to Shelter Island Marina, where a massive sailboat awaited them. Erika confused us all by talking to Sutton as they walked up the dock, telling her it had been rough. Sutton started to apologize, and Erika said – wait for it – it’s okay. At the boat, LisaR said, oh my God, they’re talking, like no one had eyes. Erika said she had to lash out, and apologized. Sutton said Erika was too pretty to be mad at her, which was funny, although I’m not sure if Sutton meant to be funny. In Sutton’s interview, she said she’d gotten a mild apology. She didn’t trust it. She wanted to, but she didn’t. In Erika’s interview, she said, no, she didn’t want to work it out, but she wasn’t ruining everyone’s trip because she hated Sutton, Alrighty then. They met Captain Troy, not of any Deck. Sutton had a huge struggle getting up the stairs wearing her boot, and I wondered why they couldn’t have gotten a ramp for her. The women took tons of pictures, and had the captain move the boat for better lighting. In LisaR’s interview, she said she’d move a mountain for the right light, She’d find the right light in a coffin, Dorit asked what happened with Sutton and Erika, and Sutton said she’d let Erika tell the story. Erika said her life was in shambles, and she was angry and hurt. It wasn’t kumbaya, but it was an opening. She’s in a good mood, the moment was right, and Sutton was receptive. In Kyle’s interview, she said you just didn’t know what you were going to get with Erika. She could snap, then it would be fine. Erika said they were adults. It wasn’t going to be fixed overnight, but it didn’t have to be. In her interview, Kyle suggested Sutton just not talk, which was pretty much what Sutton had been doing. Erika said as far as the press went, if she looked like she was having too much fun, she wasn’t remorseful. If she hung her head, she was guilty. She was damned if she did, and damned if she didn’t. In her interview, LisaR said she thought Erika’s lawyers told her not to talk about anything. I’ll bet they also told her to play nice with everyone, and that was why she apologized to Sutton. Crystal said, despite their rocky start, she was enjoying the time with Sutton. Everyone agreed they were all having a good time, and Crystal ran across the boat to give Sutton a hug. Garcelle said she wanted to play Never Have I Ever, and Kathy said she’d done a background check on everyone, and there was nothing she didn’t know. I never know when Kathy is being serious, so… Garcelle said, never have I ever stolen anything.

In LisaR’s interview, she just made a horrified face. In Erika’s interview, she told us, say it or don’t say it, but she doesn’t like this sh*t. In Dorit’s interview, she said she may have stolen a few hearts as a teenager. Aww. The rest of the questions were all about sex, the women ignoring the captain was about a foot from them, and hearing everything. I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but no. Just no. In her interview, Sutton said, some of Erika’s comments had an underlying scariness to them (which I’d have to agree with), but she’d have rage too, if she lost all her money. They were wowed by the pink sky, and Sutton talked to Kathy, while the others went to the bow of the boat, playing Titanic. Sutton told Kathy, she wondered how friends could become foes so quickly. In her interview, Sutton said she didn’t want a friendship where she was scared all the time. She told Kathy that she couldn’t not ask questions, but it wasn’t to hurt anybody.   

Next time, Garcelle goes on a tailgate date, Crystal has a party for Chinese New Year, Garcelle wants to see LisaR reach out to Denise, and Sutton says she and Erika need to talk.

🥗 Please Pass the Rumor…

I wouldn’t be surprised.

📉 Rut-Roh…

Not a good look for Erika, but what is he doing wandering around in the first place?

👠 ShahMeanie…

I actually don’t like this kid that much, but one, he’s a kid, and two, this is just not cool

🍸 Lions and Tigers and SUR…

I compare them to twelve year olds, but to each their own.

🛵 On the Road Again…

No doubt houses to cry over, otherwise known as Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, will be on Friday, but join me tomorrow for a little soap and a little tea. Until then, stay safe, stay pursuing your dreams, and stay believing that true love is a cause worth fighting for.