What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Spencer comes into the gym and sees Josslyn. He says he heard about Jason. He doesn’t even know what to say except he’s sorry. She doesn’t think there’s much else to say, and he asks how Sonny is doing. She guesses about what you’d expect. They’re all just really, really sad… and shocked and angry. He says he was kind of surprised when she texted. He thought she’d be laying low. She says she’d rather be under her covers, but Jason would hate that. So instead of moping around all day, she decided to let off some steam; punch something. He says, and she thought of him, and she asks if he can handle it. He tosses her some boxing gloves, and says, lace up, Jax. She puts them on, and they fist bump.

Esme dashes into Kelly’s, going over to Trina’s table. She asks if Trina minds if she sits, and Trina says, sure. Trina is doing some work, and Esme points out that she looks busy. Trina says, the life of a college student, when Cameron comes over and asks if he can get Esme anything. She says, a large half-caf latte with soy milk, no foam, and Trina says, God forbid. Esme asks if he got all that, and he says they’ll see when she takes a sip. I have this vision of her getting a lukewarm cup of Sanka. Esme says she just loves Cameron’s sense of humor, and Trina says, he’s a real crack-up. Esme says, and now, down to business, and Trina says, they have business? Esme says their trip isn’t going to plan itself. They’re going to have so much fun.

At the hospital, Michael says he’s sorry he wasn’t there when Carly heard about Jason, but she says, it’s okay. She and his dad wanted to be the ones to tell him. They didn’t want to do it over the phone. He says he would have hated that. If he had to hear it from anyone, he’s glad it was Drew. She says, her too, and they sit. He says he can’t believe this is happening again. He knows they’ve survived without Jason before, but… She says, he doesn’t know how. They’ll handle it the second time like they handled it the first time. As a family. She puts her arms around him.

Willow stands outside the chapel, and hears Sonny tell Nina, whatever happened between them in Nixon Falls needs to come from him, and it will. Nina says she understands, but despite all the pain she caused people – and she knows they’ve gone on with their lives – she has to tell him that their love is the purest thing she’s ever known. She’s so sorry, but she can’t regret that. Willow is like, whoa, and jets. Sonny says he refuses to accept that what Nina did, lied to him and his family, was an act of love. She says, it wasn’t; she can see that now. But it went on for so long. She didn’t know how to get out of it. She didn’t know what words to use. How do you explain something like that? She felt like she was just trapped, like her lies were trapping her, and she was living this life she never intended. In a way, it’s like they have that in common.

Peter is sitting in the interrogation room, when Mac comes in. Peter asks, where’s his lawyer? and Mac says, he hasn’t arrived yet. Peter says he hopes Mac knows better than to question him without representation. That’s literally his job as acting Police Commissioner, isn’t it? To protect Peter’s rights? Mac says he doesn’t give a damn about Peter’s rights because he’s not there as the Police Commissioner. Right now, Peter’s talking to Maxie’s father.

Maxie comes into the station, and asks Anna, where is he? Anna asks, what’s wrong? and Maxie says, pretty much everything. She needs to talk to Peter. Anna thinks it’s a terrible idea, but Maxie says she didn’t ask for Anna’s opinion; she asked where Peter was. Anna says, he’s here, but he’s not allowed visitors, and Maxie says, is that what she is? A visitor? She thinks they can make an exception given the circumstances, but Anna says, that’s not up to her to decide. Maxie says she knows; it’s up to Mac, who they both know is going to say no, unless Anna backs her up. Anna asks, why, after everything Peter put Maxie through? All the physical, mental, and emotional torture. Why is it so important for her to see him?

Mac says he’s dealt with some cowards and lowlifes in his time, but Peter is in a class all by himself. Peter tells him, that’s sweet, and Mac says he takes it back. Peter is in a class with Faison. Peter says, like father, like son, he supposes, and Mac says, coming to town, pretending to be an actual human being. Meanwhile, manipulating Mac’s daughter the entire time, using her grief over Nathan to worm his way in. Peter says he loves Maxie, and Mac says, all the time Peter spent with her, and his grandkids. Peter says, i.e. James, the child he brought into this world with his own hands? Mac says, if only he could take Peter out of it, and Peter says, it’s too bad he’s in police custody then. Mac says, bad things happen in jail all the time, and Peter asks if that’s a threat. Mac says, just a fact, and Peter says, noted. Here’s another one. If anything happens to him, Louise stays gone for good.

Spencer tells Josslyn that he and Esme have been talking a lot about that trip she wants to take. Maybe they could do it on Josslyn’s winter break. Does she think Sonny would let them use his cabin? She says, whoa, and he asks if she thinks he wouldn’t. She says she’s sure he would, but she never agreed to this vacation. He says she and Cameron have to go; Esme really wants to get to know his friends better. She says, so let’s get coffee, or have lunch. Do they really have to go on vacation? She’s sorry, but she just doesn’t think a weekend getaway together would best improve their relationship, if he knows what she means. He says, a toddler would know what she means. Why doesn’t she cut Esme a break? She says, she set Ava’s car on fire, and he says he agrees she went too far, but she only did it for him. She says, in that case… and he says, Esme loves him. She asks if Spencer loves her, and he says, yeah. She asks, why? and he says, she’s gorgeous and exciting and passionate… Josslyn says, so she’s hot, and he says, it’s not the sex… It’s not just the sex. He knows Esme can be a lot, but so can he, right? She says, she doesn’t think he wants her to answer that, and he says, they fit, all right? He thinks if she just gave Esme a chance, she’d see how incredible she really is. She says, okay. Tell her about the real Esme.

Esme asks what Trina is studying, and Trina says, a lot of things, but right this second, nature photography. Esme says, like the exhibit at the gallery? and Trina says, something like that. Cameron brings Esme’s latte, and says, it was such a hit, Trina’s professor asked her to give a presentation to her class. Isn’t that cool? Esme says she doesn’t know; it sounds like a lot of extra work. Trina says, which is why she should get back to it. Esme takes a sip, and Cameron says, well? She says, no offending foam; it’s perfect. Cameron starts to leave, but Esme says she and Trina were just talking about their trip. She’s so excited. Spence is too. Cameron says he didn’t think anything was decided, and Esme says, they’re still batting around ideas. She was thinking winter break. She hasn’t been skiing in ages. Do they ski? Cameron says he does, and she asks if there’s a mountain nearby. He says there is, and Esme says, how amazing does that sound? Skiing by day, snuggling by the fire at night. Her and Spence, Cameron and Josslyn, and Trina, of course (🍷).

Sonny tells Nina not to text him again, because he’s not going to meet her, and she says the only reason she reached out was to warn him about Peter. It’s not like she reached out because she wanted to spend more time with him. She’s not delusional, contrary to popular belief. She knows he loves his wife. He says he does, and she says she’s trying to preserve that. She’s trying to protect his relationship with Carly from whatever this psycho may have planned to break them up. He tells her, don’t worry about Peter, and she says, she’s being honest. She doesn’t want to cost him any more than she already has. He might not believe her, so if Peter is trying to stir up more trouble… He says, Peter’s not going to cause more trouble. Trust him. That son of a bitch killed Jason, his best friend, his brother; he’s gone.

Michael asks where his dad is, but Carly says she doesn’t know where he disappeared to. She thinks he’ll be back soon, but in the meantime, distract her. Did Wiley enjoy Thanksgiving in New York? He says, Wiley enjoyed the holiday lights and the holiday windows. His favorite thing was the dogs. Carly says, the dogs? and Michael says, Wiley pointed out every single one of them when they passed them. She says, that’s a lot of dogs. She bets Annabelle is going to need a brother or sister this Christmas. Michael tells her, he said the same thing; they just have to get Willow on board. She asks if they took Wiley skating, and he says they went to the Central Park rink because Rockefeller Center was too crowded. He crushed it. She says, of course (🍷) he did. She asks if he remembers the first time he was on skates, and he says, she, Jason, and dad brought him. She says, her heart just dropped every single time he fell, but Jason was so calm. He’d just pick Michael back up, and make sure he went off again. He says, he always pictured Jason being there for Wiley. the same way Jason has always been there for him. She says she knows, and puts her arm around him.

Willow comes out of the elevator and sees Epiphany, who asks if she’s all right. Willow says she just heard some bad news, and Epiphany says, Sasha and Brando. Just remember they have a great team doing everything in their power to help that baby boy. Willow asks if she’s seen Michael.

Josslyn hits the heavy bag while Spencer holds it, and he says, Esme puts on a good show, but she’s never actually had a lot of friends. Josslyn says, shocking, and he says if she’s not actually going to take it seriously, they’re not going to talk about it. She says she’s sorry; she will. He says, Esme grew up in boarding schools, and her parents died when she was still pretty young. Josslyn says, that sounds awful, and he says, it was. Not that he realized it at first. He saw party Esme like everybody else, but she was one of the few students who stayed on campus during breaks. Josslyn says, like him, and he says, one night they started talking, and they clicked. She says, it doesn’t surprise her. It seems like he and Esme would have a lot in common. He says, they bonded over the loneliness they felt, and how hard it was to connect with other students. Ever since then, they’ve been together; just the two of them. Them against the world. She says, except the world isn’t actually out to get them. He says she knows what he means. He has Esme’s back and she has his. She says, partners in crime, and he says, so to speak. So after hearing all that, does she think she could maybe possibly give Esme the benefit of the doubt?

Esme tells Trina that she doesn’t have to come solo. She can totally bring a plus one. Trina says, she’s not really seeing anyone, so… and Esme says, it could be a fun start to a relationship. Someone must have caught her eye at PCU. Trina says, not really, and Cameron says, which is fine. This is not really a couples thing anyway. They’re just going as a group of friends. Esme says, right, and Cameron goes to wait on another table. Esme says she hopes she didn’t make Trina uncomfortable, but Trina says she’s fine. She’s sure the weekend will be fun. Esme says she feels kind of bad. She never would have suggested they go away had she known about Trina and Cameron. Trina says, what about them? and Esme says, he told her that he and Trina almost got together. Now he’s with Josslyn. Ouch.

Maxie tells Anna, she hasn’t seen Peter since he disappeared from the hospital, but knowing he was out there somewhere, was like a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from. She spent months terrified that she’d walk into her apartment or turn the corner, and he would be there. He’s taken too much from her, and she refuses to be scared of him for one more minute. Anna says, she gets it. If she was in Maxie’s position, she’d want to confront Peter too. Why should she be surprised that her fierce, brave goddaughter wants to do the same? Maxie says, so Anna will help her with Mac? and Mac comes out, saying, absolutely not. Maxie says, he doesn’t even know why she’s there yet, but he says, she wants to see Peter, and the answer is no. He’s not done fighting. Peter claims to know where Louise is. Anna says, he doesn’t. He blackmailed Nina in Nixon Falls precisely because he didn’t know where the baby was, and wanted help finding her. Mac tells her, now he’s saying that he just wanted to ascertain how far Anna and Valentin were in their search, and Maxie says, he’s lying. Mac says he’s sure he is. Peter knows his time is up, and he’s grasping at straws, but that’s his point. Anything Peter would say to Maxie would be a lie, and probably a hurtful one. Why would she want to subject herself to that? She says, it’s not about what Peter has to say to her, but what she has to say to him. Anna says, Maxie is very strong, and Mac says, and stubborn. Maxie says she wonders who taught her that, and Anna says, if Maxie says she needs to do this, she believes her.

Nina tells Sonny, it’s not fair. He’s lost so many people. His father, and now Jason. She wishes she could take his pain away. He says, that’s not how life works, and she says she tricked herself into thinking that if she could keep him away from his past, she could save him from a life of violence. He was so unburdened as Mike. He was so relaxed. She thought Nixon Falls would be a fresh start for him, and maybe a fresh start for her too. He says, it’s not a fresh start if you don’t know what came before. He was living a lie. She says she believed in her head it was real, and he says, his friends and family were stolen from him. He would take the pain of losing Jason any day, because Jason was like his brother; they would do everything together. They would protect each other… She says, she’ll regret every day of her life what her lies robbed him of, and he says, they have to move forward. Live the life they have now. She says, move forward; separate lives. He says, yeah, and leaves.  

Epiphany tells Willow that she hasn’t seen Michael. Willow says, that’s okay; she’ll text him.

Carly asks if Michael heard about Sasha and Brando, and he says, that’s why they came to the hospital. How’s the baby? She says, he’s in the NICU. They named him Liam. Michael says he likes it, and she says, he was deprived of oxygen during the delivery. It’s too soon to tell if he has any brain damage. He says, it must be hell for Sasha and Brando, waiting for news like that, and she asks if Willow is with him. He says, she went to put in a good word at the chapel, and Carly suggests they go to the nurses’ desk and see if there’s an update. They see Willow there, and Michael says, what is it? Is there news about the baby? Willow says, none that she’s aware of, and Carly asks, then what’s wrong?

Maxie says, Mac, please, and he says he’s never been good at saying no to her; why break the cycle now? She thanks him and says she loves him. He says he loves her too, but the second whatever’s going on in there feels weird to her… She says she’s out of there. He says, good, and Anna kisses Maxie’s head, saying, she’s very brave. Maxie says she feels anything but brave right now. She has to do this. Not just for herself, but for Louise.

Trina tells Esme, she’s happy for Cam and Joss; there’s no issue there. Esme says, that’s great, and Trina says she’s serious. Esme says, it’s just that, when Cameron brought it up, it sounded like… Never mind. Trina says, she’s gone this far. Just say it. Esme says, not only is it nothing, it’s none of her business. Just for the record, she’s not one of those people who thinks everyone has to be coupled up to be happy. Before she met Spence, she was perfectly fine on her own. She guesses she just never realized the beauty in having someone understand you so completely. Trina says, and that’s Spencer? and Esme says, now that she’s found him, she has no intention of letting him go.

Michael says Willow seems upset; what’s going on? Sonny comes out of the elevator, and hugs Michael, saying, he’s glad Michael is home. Michael says, so is he, and Sonny asks how he’s holding up. Michael says he’s still in shock. He’s so sorry about Jason. Sonny says, it’s good to have family, and Carly says that’s what she was just telling Michael. As long as they have each other, they can get through anything. Michael says he just can’t believe Jason is gone, and Sonny says, it’s because of Peter August. Carly says she’s glad that bastard has been caught. At least now, he’s going to pay for his crimes. Sonny says, he’s going to pay. He’ll make sure of it.

Peter says, what’s going on? and Mac says, one wrong move, and he’ll shoot Peter himself. He leaves, and Maxie comes in.

Michael says he guesses they’ll just wait for Brando, and Willow says, waiting is her specialty. He says she never answered his question; is she okay? Nina almost comes around the corner, but sees them, and stops. Willow says she’s just praying for that little boy, hoping with all her heart that Sasha and Brando can take him home soon. He says she’s been gone a while. Was she in the chapel the whole time? Willow says, she went, but she didn’t want to disturb the people inside. Nina is like, uh-oh.

Josslyn says, she guesses Spencer thinks Esme is the know all, be all, and she’s really nice – to him. But if she treats everyone else like trash, she’s sorry. She doesn’t want to hang out with her. He asks if they can be real, and she says, let’s try it. He says, it’s not like she’s been that nice to Esme either. Josslyn says, she fired the first shot, but he says, did she though? If he remembers correctly, Josslyn has been pretty cool to her from the start. She says, maybe if he’d mentioned he had a girlfriend; maybe just once instead of hanging all over Trina… He says he was not, and she says she thought they were being real. He says he likes Trina. He thinks she’s super cool. She says, and? and he says, maybe he could have been more direct when he first met her about what was happening. She says, maybe, and he says, but it has always been Esme for him. She asks, then why keep her a secret? and he says he didn’t handle things well in the beginning, okay? She says, all the lying, and the terrorizing of Ava. Ava’s not her favorite person, but even she didn’t deserve that. He says he screwed up. Why is she acting so surprised? It’s not like it’s the first time. She says, no, and she’s sure it won’t be the last, and he says, that’s what friends are, right? The people who love you anyway. She says, all right. Enough with the love talk. He says, she knows what he’s saying. They’ve been friends since forever, so as his friend, can Josslyn give Esme the chance to show her who she really is? She says she can definitely do that.

Peter says Maxie is more beautiful than he even remembered. He knew she woudn’t be able to stay away. She closes the door, and tells him, just shut up. For once, he’s going to listen to what she has to say. This little fantasy he has of them being together, living happily ever after, it’s not going to happen. And honestly, it blows her mind that he still thinks it could. After everything he’s done to her, how could he think she could feel anything toward him but hatred? He says, everything he did was out of love for her, and she says, he’s a murderer. A murderer. He hired a fake nurse to kidnap her and induce labor. That is not love. That is… She doesn’t even know what to call it. Abuse? Torture? She can’t be a mother to her child because of him. She can’t rock her to sleep, or kiss her tiny little hands. She’s missing those moments, and it’s Peter’s fault. She will never forgive him for that. He says he doesn’t believe that, but she says she doesn’t care what he believes. He says he can tell her where Louise is, and she tells him, stop it. He says he can find their little girl, and she says, he’s lying. He says, they can be a family again, and she says, oh my God. He’s in handcuffs, headed to prison, where he’ll rot in a cell for the rest of his life. He’s not going to have a family. He’s not going to have her, and he’s not going to have Louise. There’s nothing for him. Think about that. Choke on it.

Carly tells Sonny that she’d asked for a body pillow for Sasha, and he says, smart idea. She says, it felt good to do something, even if it was just a pillow. He says, every little bit helps. It’s just not easy to wait. She says, nothing is easy right now, and asks him to come sit with Michael and Willow. He says he has something to take care of, and she says, now? He says, Brando texted him, and said he didn’t need anything except good news. She says, the support of his family. What could be more important? He says, if it wasn’t important, he wouldn’t be going, and she asks, what takes precedence over a baby in the NICU? He says he doesn’t want her to worry about it. Call him if there’s an update

Mac says, the search for Louise is going nowhere, but Anna says, that can change in an instant; he knows how this works. He says he feels so hopeless right now, and she says, he’s not putting any weight on what Peter said just now? She doesn’t believe he knows where that little girl is. He says, as a cop, he knows that. Peter is just trying to save his skin. She says, but as a father and grandfather… He says he can’t discount any lead, no matter what the source.

Peter tells Maxie to look at him, and she says there’s nothing she’d rather see less. He says she made him a better man, but she says, he’s not a man; he’s pure evil. And she regrets the day she met him. Goodbye. She’s about to leave, and he says, this is about that doctor, isn’t it? Dr. Gatlin-Holt, the savior in the woods who delivered Louise. Peter met him earlier at GH. Maxie says, so? and he says, so it’s quite obvious he’s interested in Maxie. She says, this is not happening, and he says, which is of course (🍷) a no brainer to him; she’s beautiful. What surprised him is he never imagined Maxie would give him the time of day. She says, are you insane? (Yes!) This has nothing to do with Austin. He says, she’s on a first name basis with him, so they are close, and she says, so what if they were close? So what if they were dating? So what if she was dating the entire PCU football team? That is none of his damn business. She’s none of his business. He says, on the contrary, and stands up. He says, doesn’t she know by now there’s only one man in her life, and that man is him? She says, go to hell, and storms out.

Trina wonders if Cameron’s shift is over, and asks him to join them, but he says he’s meeting Josslyn at the gym. Esme says, that’s where Spence is, and asks for a ride. Trina says, it’s a bummer Esme has to leave so soon, and Esme says, Spence was so glad to have the day off. He’s been working so hard lately. Trina says, maybe Esme should get a job, but Esme laughs, and says she’s way too busy. Trina says, with what? and Esme says, all those classes she’s auditing at PCU, and her internship obviously. Cameron says he can’t imagine working in a prison, and Esme says she calls it prison light. It’s really not that terrible. Trina says, she enjoys it? and Esme says she does. It’s fascinating from a psychological perspective, but she’ll definitely be ready for a break by the time their trip rolls around.

Carly leans her forehead against the vending machine, and repeats, count to ten. Epiphany says, Carly? and Carly says she’s sorry. Epiphany says, what for? and Carly says, for blocking traffic here. There’s no one else around, and Epiphany says, there’s no traffic here. Carly says she doesn’t know why she apologized. She doesn’t usually do that. Epiphany agrees, and Carly says, she doesn’t know why she’s done half the things she’s done in the past few days. Epiphany says, grief. She heard about Jason, and she’s very sorry for Carly’s loss. Carly thanks her, and Epiphany says she means it. Jason was a remarkable person; someone she respected. Carly says, Jason respected her too, and Epiphany says she never doubted that. And she never doubted he loved Carly, without condition or reservation. He would do literally anything for her. Carly says she never doubted that either. Whatever happened, good or bad, if she was hurt, or scared, or wrong, without question, Jason would always be there. She knew he would be, no matter what. Now he’s not going be there anymore. He’s not going to be there ever again. She knows he would want her to keep going and move on, and she will, but she’s going to miss him every single day for the rest of her life. Epiphany says, when Carly is missing him, she hopes Carly thinks back on their wedding day. Jason was happy, and so was she. The love she felt that day is still there, and hers to keep.

Nina comes out, addressing Michael and Willow, and Michael asks if she shouldn’t be meeting with her lawyer. Her preliminary hearing is coming up soon, isn’t it? Nina says, Scotty is on it, but she appreciates his concern. He’s says he’s sure she does, and she says she’s just there for Sasha, not to upset them. Willow says, yet she keeps doing it, and Michael asks, what is her goal exactly? She says, to provide support for Sasha if she needs it. She’ll go wait someplace else. Willow says, good idea, and Nina moves along. Michael asks Willow if it’s selfish to say he’s glad her empathy for Nina only goes so far, and she says, his family comes first with her. He says, their family, and she says, their family. She hopes he knows that, and he says he does. It’s time like these that bring them together. With everything going on, he’s grateful for that. They hug. Wake me when it’s over.

Anna sees Sonny in the stairwell, and asks what he’s doing here. He says, one guess, and she says, she knows he’s ready to explode – they all are – but he’s got to let the authorities handle Peter. He’s being brought up on multiple charges in multiple jurisdictions; he’s not going to walk away. He says, Jason is dead because of that trash, and he wants Peter to know exactly what he’s waiting for.

Josslyn is punching the heavy bag when Cameron and Esme come in. Cameron says, nobody better mess her, and Josslyn says, that’s right. He asks, what’s up? and Josslyn says, she and Spencer were just talking about their trip. Spencer tells them, Josslyn said she thinks they can use Uncle Sonny’s cabin, and Josslyn says she doesn’t see why not, unless he and her mom are planning on using it, but she doesn’t think so. Esme says, sounds like a blast, and Josslyn says, it will for sure be memorable. Esme and Spencer go off to the side, and Esme says, good workout? Spencer says, it was fun, and she says she’s surprised Josslyn agreed to the trip. He says, they had a good talk, and she’s open to getting to know Esme better. Esme asks if he thinks she meant it, and he says, Josslyn doesn’t lie. Cameron asks Josslyn if she’s really cool about this trip thing, and she says, no, but Spencer wants her to get to know the real Esme, and she has a hunch he may be the one surprised. Cameron asks what she’s planning, and Josslyn says, her? Nothing. Esme will do all the work on her own. Until then, there’s no way Josslyn is turning her back on that girl.

Carly tells Michael that his dad had to leave. He said he had something to take care of. Willow says she’s going to check her schedule for next week, and will be right back. Michael asks Carly if everything is okay with her and his dad, but she says, they’re fine. He says, it seems like there’s tension, and she says, there is. There’s grief. Everything that’s been going on with Liam, and… It’s Nina who she’s mad at, not his dad. Michael says he just ran into her, and Carly says, she’s still here? Michael says, hopefully her trial is soon, and they’ll be sending her to jail, and out of their lives for good. She says, from his lips.

Nina sees Willow, and says she overheard that Willow was in the chapel. So was she. Funny. She didn’t see Willow there. Willow says she heard Nina with Sonny.

Peter is dozing, when Sonny comes in, and slams the door, startling him. Sonny stares at him.

Tomorrow, Maxie wishes Austin wouldn’t have done that; Brando needs to ask Michael something; Nina asks what Willow is going to do, now that she knows the truth; and Sonny says since Peter killed Jason, all the rules are out the window.

👠 What Did I Say…?

Helena will be around as long as Constance Towers is. I wonder if I’ll ever find out why Nikolas was left that painting though…

Vanderpump Rules

Brock, James, and Schwartz took a dip in some tubs of ice. Some pseudo therapist told them that it was a mindset, and Brock said it was a way to learn lessons. Yeah. Don’t get in cold water. James was trying to learn to calm down, and the foundation was learning to breathe intentionally. In James’s interview, he said he was looking past normal therapy to get out his rage and anger. He claimed talk therapists didn’t know what to say to him, but I suspect he doesn’t know how to listen. In Schwarz’s interview, he thought, since hot baths were bad for his sperm count, maybe a cold one would do the opposite. I don’t think it works that way though. James said all he could think about was that he was freezing, but it was progress. Afterwards, the guys hung out to talk, and Brock said kids had been cruel when he was young, because he only had four fingers on one hand. In his interview, he explained his hand had gotten caught in the gears of a moving gate as a child. Ouch a million times over. James said when he got in a confrontational moment, it threw him back to a defensive mindset.

Lisa visited Lala, and met dog Lily. Lala said, if Jesus had a dog, it would be Lily. Lily had high liver levels, and was on meds. Lala was waiting on some test results, and was putting out in the universe that it would be a good report. In Lala’s interview, she said Lily had been her companion, her ride or die since she was 21. Lily had gotten her through her drunken days when she couldn’t get out of bed. In Lisa’s interview, she said, Lala had come a long way, and she was happy to be part of her journey. At one time, Lala had been sneaking drinks behind the hostess stand, and now she was a mother, and it was lovely to see. Lala told Lisa about Brock’s birthday, and how she’d gone off on Schwartz for not backing Katie up. She also told Lisa about how the girls were taking pictures of their feet to raise money for Raquel’s new nose. And yes. I know how absolutely stupid that sounds.

Katie’s photographer friend Courtney came to take the foot fetish photos (say that three times real fast), and Ariana said it was the dumbest most amazing thing they’d done. In Raquel’s interview, she said she’d done everything to make the best of her bad nose job, but it needed to be redone. Ariana said she’d done a lot of weird sh*t, but never thought she’d be adding this to her resumé. Raquel told them that she was going to be hosting a picnic as a thank you,  a fancy floral scene. In her interview, she said it was an excuse to be a girly girl; she loved it. Charli brought up Brock’s friend grabbing her at the birthday party, and said she wondered why there’d been no back-up from Scheana. In Charli’s interview, she said she’d been a loyal friend, and Scheana chose a random dude’s back over hers.

Lisa escorted Schwartz to a tattoo parlor, since he’d lost a bet with her. In his interview, he said he’d been pouring his heart out to Lisa while they were drinking wine. She challenged him to a high stakes ping-pong game, and ping-pong was his forte. We saw a clip of him saying that he was going to smoke her, but if he lost, he’d have LVP tattooed somewhere on his body. She said, if she lost, she’d send some cases of wine to the new bar. He lost. He said, that’s how he ended up at the tattoo parlor, He told Lisa that the Katie Bubba tattoo had to remain prominent, since Katie wasn’t feeling supported, which didn’t surprise Lisa, since Katie had been pushed out of the new bar equation. Schwartz said he couldn’t get a home equity loan, and would have to stop with the bets. He’d bet Randall in a pickleball challenge, and if he won, Schwartz would get $2000. If he lost, Randall got a drink named after him featured prominently on TomTom’s menu. He wondered if Katie was going to kill him about the tattoo, but Lisa said Katie was going kill him for other reasons. Tell her it’s a message from God.

Raquel had her Raquel’s Dream Tea Party, and invited the usual suspects, along with her friend Paige. Everyone wore poufy dresses, except for Lala, who said, no one told her that it was going to be so chic. In her interview, she asked if she looked like a bitch who had puffy sleeves and a tutu in her closet. Ariana said she’d understood the assignment. They discussed the foot project, and Raquel said it wasn’t about the pasta; it was about the feet. She told the girls that James had been trying different kinds of therapy, and we saw a clip of him doing (I think) bioenergetics where you let the sound out. I only know about this because of a movement class I was required to take at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. The teacher was into it, and we all hated it. She was all about no one getting enough love as a child, and going back to the womb or something. We pretended to go along with it just to get through the class. But I digress. Scheana said she’d sent invites out for a photo shoot Brock was organizing to advertise his fitness start-up HomeBody. She said he’d put his heart, soul, and every penny into the company. James had been cagey about doing it for free. Charli told Scheana about the dude grabbing her at Brock’s party, and at first, Scheana claimed she didn’t see anything. Then she amended it to not saying anything because Charli had already said something. Lala said Charli had gone hard for Scheana, and Scheana expected people to defend her, but when the shoe was on the other foot, she was nowhere to be found. Charli said she was loyal and a good friend. When Scheana didn’t like someone, Charli told them to go f*** themselves, but it hadn’t been reciprocated. She thought Scheana didn’t want Brock’s friends not to like her, so she’d ignored the incident. Scheana got all teary, and wanted to go home, as she always does when anyone calls her out.

Ariana visited Katie to enlist her help with designing a drinking game, an embellished Never Have I Ever. In Katie’s interview, she said it was nice not being around an egomaniac, and being expected to kiss their ass every minute of every day. Schwartz came home in the middle of their brainstorm, and told Katie that he had one more betting gaff. He hadn’t thought Lisa would be good at ping-pong, so he hadn’t taken the bet seriously. He showed them his new tattoo, which was actually pretty small, and in Ariana’s interview, she said, Schwartz was so good at charming his way out of everything. If she had been Katie, she’d have shoved her rosé glass up his ass. Katie said Schwartz never had her back, and other people took precedent, but Schwartz said it was out of necessity, and not emotionally. He continued to try and explain himself, but she just said, no, every time he started talking.

Randall had all kinds of pickleball pros at his house for the Emmett/Schwartz 2021 Open. In Brock’s interview, he said it was like little man syndrome on steroids with Randall competing against the least competitive person. Brock wanted to talk to James, who didn’t want to do anything for free. Avoiding the tournament, Raquel and Charli got together for a workout. Afterward, Raquel told Charli that Scheana had asked her to stop being friends with Danica, and she had. Charli said she stopped commenting on Danica’s Instagram, since it offended Scheana. Scheana had been texting her about it, and she hadn’t wanted to lose the friendship over it. Charli told Raquel that when she brought up Scheana not having her back at the party, Scheana had flipped it, and played victim. She said Charli was trying to turn it into a me too moment. 

Lala came out in a cheerleader outfit, hoping they could put an end to this grandpa game. Willie, an American Idol runner-up, sang the National Anthem, and the game began. In Ariana’s interview, she said she hadn’t watched American Idol since Kelly Clarkson won, but she wasn’t going to hate on it. I haven’t watched it since Scotty McCreery won, and Lady Gaga performed at the finale. I didn’t think they could ever top that, so why bother? Randall won, scoring 11 points to Schwartz’s 4. Schwartz gave him a copy of the menu with his drink on it, but in his interview, Schwartz said it wasn’t real. Lala asked James about the photo shoot, and James called Brock over. Brock said James had told Raquel not to text him back, but James said he’d told Raquel, not yet, because he wanted to discuss it with her. I have the feeling that wasn’t the case, since James got animated, and Ariana told him to take it down a notch. Katie suggested James might need a favor from Brock one day, and in James’s interview, he said there was a time Katie was on a campaign to take him down, but she had his back now.

Lala was glad the tournament was over. It was time for Randall to get back to making those dollar signs. Ariana found out that the picture of her feet had been sold, and she tried to get a shot of Lisa’s feet, saying she’d charge extra, but Lisa said she’d better not. Charli told Scheana that she hadn’t been a good friend lately, and in Scheana’s interview, she said she’d just birthed human child, and that was her whole focus. For the unenlightened, Scheana was like this long before she had the baby. She wants to be liked so much, she’s never on anyone’s side but her own. Charli said Scheana was a dictator in friendships, and in Charli’s interview, she said if Scheana couldn’t understand where she’s coming from, they couldn’t be friends. She told Scheana that she hadn’t been getting friend energy back from her, when she’d been a good friend, and they hugged it out.

Next time, Katie and Sandoval go at it, and not in a fun way; Schwartz tells Sandoval that he needs to respect Katie; the Toms decide to take a break from each other; and Ariana has a birthday.

💔 No Festival This Time…

There aren’t many details, but according to Ariana on Watch What Happens Live, everyone was surprised.

https://people.com/tv/vanderpump-rules-james-kennedy-and-raquel-leviss-call-off-engagement-taping-reunion-bravo-breakup-split/

🏔 Salty Talk…

Bringing you up to speed on Salt Lake City.

🌴 The Wives You’ve Been Waiting For…

The Real Housewives of Miami are back.

https://ew.com/tv/real-housewives-of-miami-season-4-trailer/

⚰️ Back From the Dead…

Well, we never really did see her die.

https://ew.com/tv/kim-dickens-fear-the-walking-dead-madison-clark-return/

😌 Time For Some Shut-Eye…

Come by tomorrow for some soap and an update on Fancy Pants. Until then, stay safe, stay upfront, and stay giving back the friend energy you’re getting.