What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

🕊 Apologies first. I did little editing. The Vanderpump Rules Reunion was so long and full of so much angst, and it’s so late, and I didn’t want to wait, since you might want this with your morning coffee. I think it’s still decipherable enough. Note: Re-edited today for your reading pleasure.

General Hospital

Portia asks Elizabeth to please say she’ll join her in a drink after work. With everything that’s going on in her life right now, she could use a night out with her best friend. Elizabeth says she’s almost done. She’s been helping Bobbie all day. It’s not fair that they’re making her pull double duty as head nurse and chief surgical nurse. Portia says, hopefully, it won’t be long before they find a replacement for Epiphany, but Elizabeth says, easier said than done. Portia agrees those are major shoes to fill, but Elizabeth says she’s not sure anyone can fill them.

Jordan and Zeke are still getting busy.

At the MetroCourt bar, Valentin leaves a message for Anna to call him back, when Martin walks in. Valentin asks where Anna is, but Martin says he doesn’t know. He’s here to see another client. Valentin says, excuse me? and Martin says, Valentin knows he can’t discuss the details; attorney/client privilege. Valentin says he needs Martin to represent Anna, and Martin promises him that Anna isn’t in any danger. Valentin asks if she’s been released. She’s not returning any of his phone calls, and she’s not at her townhouse. Martin says, she’s got a lot on her mind, and swears she’ll reach out when she’s ready. Valentin’s phone dings, and Martin says, speak of the devil. It might be her now. We see it’s from Hume: Call. Urgent. Valentin says, no, it’s business.

Dex knocks on Sonny’s office door, and tells him, everything is set at the warehouse. He just wanted to see if Sonny needed anything else. Sonny says he’s all set, and Dex asks if there’s something on his mind. Sonny says, Olivia insists her husband didn’t point the SEC at Carly and Drew, and he’s starting to believe it.

Ned and Olivia get romantic at the MetroCourt restaurant, and Ned says he’s missed this. She says, they were only on the outs for a few days, and he says, a few days too many. He’s so relieved and happy that she believes in him. She says, he didn’t make it easy. He was the prime suspect. She’s noticed how he’s committed to being honest with her since their reconciliation. They kiss again, when Nina comes along. She says, the two of them seem very celebratory. She assumes they’ve heard the good news that Willow had her bone marrow transplant, and Olivia says, it’s one of the many things they’re celebrating. Nina asks, what are the others? and Ned says, his wife knows now that he wasn’t the one who turned in Carly and Drew to the SEC.

In the elevator, Drew flashes back to telling Carly that they just have to find the right leverage to make Ned get them out of this. He says he sure hopes this works, and looks at his phone. He wonders why he’s not getting a call back.

A masked and suited Michael tells Willow that the doctors said he could sit with her a while, and asks how she’s feeling. She says, exhausted, but at the same time, she’s excited. She feels like they’ll finally be able to put this behind them, and their family will be whole again.

Carly looks at the flashdrive, when Josslyn comes in. Josslyn asks what it is, and Carly says, she knows damn well what it is. Josslyn insists she doesn’t, but Carly says, stop. Don’t lie to her. She knows everything that’s been going on between her, her brother, and Sonny.

Terry approaches the reception desk with Finn, and says, Elizabeth is still here. Elizabeth says, they look awfully serious. What’s going on? Finn says, they were just given a brief by the GH Board, and Elizabeth says, about? Terry says, about Elizabeth’s future here at the hospital.

Zeke says, that was… Jordan says, unexpected? She thinks it’s exactly what both of them needed tonight. He asks if it made her stop thinking about the kiss with her ex, then says, sorry, but she says, he didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, he’s right. Maybe it’s time she started thinking a little less, and just have fun. No strings attached. All that baggage can wait until tomorrow. They kiss, and his phone dings. He says, hold that thought, and looks at his phone. He says, unfortunately, there’s one thing that can’t wait until tomorrow. His client’s been trying to get ahold of him.

Drew knocks at Willow’s window, and calls her on the hospital phone. He says he hopes she’s up for another visitor, and she says, for him, anything. He asks how she’s doing, and she says she’s hoping for good results. She doesn’t want to get ahead of herself. She still needs to stay in isolation until the confirm the bone marrow isn’t being rejected. She realizes how blessed she is, and she has him to thank. He risked everything to bring her donor back. He says, it’s family; it’s what they do. She says she knows, but the story could have ended very differently if the SEC had found him before he was able to bring Liesl back.

Nina says she’s so glad Ned and Olivia are on the same page. Last she heard, Olivia was convinced Ned… If they don’t mind her asking, what changed her mind? Olivia says she looked into Ned’s heart, and she believed him. Nina says, love is so blinding, and Ned asks if there’s something they can help her with. Olivia says, it’s okay. Sonny came around to believing him, and so will Carly. Nina says, Sonny no longer believes Ned called the SEC? and Olivia says, he may not be all the way there, but he’s starting to come around to Olivia’s way of seeing things. Nina says, she must be so relieved. She’ll leave them alone. She leaves, and Ned wonders what that was all about.

Josslyn says, what about Michael and Sonny? and Carly says, Michael told her how he’s been working for months to get intel against Sonny, so he can send Sonny to prison. This flashdrive is video footage to implicate Sonny. Josslyn says she doesn’t have anything to do with that, but Carly says, she knew what he was planning and wanted it to happen. This is why Josslyn told her that Dex had a plan for getting out of Sonny’s world. She knows Dex was hired by Michael to infiltrate Sonny’s organization.

Elizabeth says she thought her troubles had already been sorted out. Did the Board have second thoughts? Terry says she was present at the meeting; it was their quarterly review of personnel and open positions. The subject of Epiphany recommending Elizabeth take over as head nurse came up. Monica gave the idea a ringing endorsement, but the Board has to consider everything, including Elizabeth’s record and how it might affect the reputation of the hospital. Elizabeth says she sees, and Terry says, given how Elizabeth’s credentials and reputation speak for themselves, it really was a no-brainer. Elizabeth says, wait. What? Finn says, stop torturing her, and Terry says, it was practically unanimous. The Board voted to give Elizabeth the position of head nurse. Terry hugs Elizabeth, and Elizabeth asks if she’s sure about this. Finn says he was there when Monica made her recommendation. She cited Elizabeth’s years of dedicated service, as well as the letter of support Epiphany wrote for her. Elizabeth tells them that she doesn’t know what to say, and Portia suggests she say, when do I start? Terry says, Monica was called away on some important business. She really wanted to be the one to extend the offer (because there’s no Zoom or phones). She hopes it’s okay that it’s coming from the Chief of Staff, not to mention, Elizabeth’s best friend. Portia says, the BFF is a tier, not a title, and Elizabeth says she can’t even wrap her head around this. A year ago, all the drama with her parents; it was such a low point, but she got through it. Now she’s going to be head nurse, and she couldn’t have done this without any of them. Finn says he’s pretty sure she could have, but he’s grateful to have played a part in it, and Portia says, they all are. Elizabeth tells them, well, like Portia said, when does she start? Terry says, provided the salary terms are agreed on and the paperwork gets filled out, she can start as soon as next week.

Willow asks if Michael knows he has very expressive eyes (yeah, if you like dead fish). Even though the rest of his face is covered by a mask, she can see something’s bothering him. What isn’t he telling her?

On the phone at the hospital, Drew thanks Zeke for getting back to him, and asks if there’s any chance they can meet this evening. It’s pretty important. Zeke says he guesses he could make himself free, and Drew says he’ll come to Zeke. He’s staying at the MetroCourt, right? There’s a bar by the rooftop pool. Zeke says he’s familiar with it, and he’ll see Drew later. Jordan says, usually when somebody does the fake work call thing, it’s because they’re trying to leave somebody else’s place, but he says he promises he’s telling her the truth. If she doesn’t believe him, give him her phone number so he can prove it to her. He says he knows she told him, no strings attached, but they can always do a sequel. She tells him that he can put his number in her phone, and he does, saying, he guesses he’ll see her when he sees her.

Martin says he thought he handled all Valentin’s corporate affairs. Should he be concerned? Nina runs up to Valentin, and says she saw the article about Anna, and can’t believe someone would exploit her past. Valentin notices Nina’s ring, and thanks her for the sentiment, but says he has to go. He jets, and Nina wonders if it was something she said, but Martin says, the situation’s a little more complicated than appearances might suggest, which is something he fears she’s about to experience all too well. He’s got some news for her.

Sonny asks what Dex knows about Ned Quartermaine, and Dex says, not a lot. Sonny says, he’s more than capable of selling out his family, but he’s not stupid. There’s no way he would turn Drew and Carly in while Willow’s sick. It doesn’t make any sense. He’s thinking maybe Carly is a means to an end. Dex says, to what end? and Sonny says, he and Carly were together a long time. She knows a lot about him; things the Feds would want to know. He’s thinking it wasn’t an anonymous tip. The Feds pointed the SEC at Carly as leverage to get Carly to flip on him. Dex asks, what about Drew Cain? and Sonny says, collateral damage. He must have been the target all along. It wouldn’t be the first time the Feds came after him through people he cares about. That’s the downfall of this life, but there’s also the benefits of making it comfortable and easy for the ones they care about. You’ve just got to bend the rules a little bit. Like when Dex punched that superior officer in the military. Dex says, it’s not exactly his proudest moment, but Sonny says, he’s got to be proud. He was a superior, but he was an abuser, and the only reason he stopped is because Dex did something about it. That’s what they have in common. Dex says, they do, and Sonny says, but Dex did break his trust. It might take a while to get that  back. It may not come back. Dex asks, then why is Sonny even wasting his time with him? and Sonny says, because he sees great potential in Dex, more than he’s seen in a long time. He knows he can give Dex what he wants. Dex asks, what’s that? and Sonny says, a place where he belongs. But if he wants to succeed, he has to commit. Dex is all in now, and Dex says, yes, sir. Sonny tells him that he can go now.

Josslyn says she can’t believe Michael told Carly, but Carly says, Michael didn’t tell her that part; she figured it out on her own. That’s why there’s been so much tension between Michael and Josslyn. Josslyn says, she’s right about that, but she’s not pissed off at Michael for planting Dex in Sonny’s organization. She’s pissed off at Michael because he didn’t have the follow through to finish Sonny off when he had the chance. Now Dex is stuck, or he has to disappear, but Carly has the power to change that now. She has the evidence that puts Sonny away for life. Stop thinking about Dex and Drew, and save herself. Please have the courage to finish what Michael couldn’t.

Dex pops back into Sonny’s office, and Sonny says he thought Dex went home. Dex says he was on his way out when Valentin Cassadine showed up. He wants to speak with Sonny. Sonny says, let him in, and tells Dex he can stay. Valentin comes in, and Sonny asks, what’s the special occasion? Valentin says, he just got off the phone with Hume. Pikeman is making arrangements for the second shipment they talked about, but Sonny says, he told Pikeman that he’d only continue if they figure out who ambushed him at the warehouse. Does Valentin have answers? Valentin says, not that they relayed to him. If he’s being honest, he thinks Pikeman’s probably in the dark about who the sniper is, but admitting to it isn’t a good look for them. Sonny says, neither is calling his bluff.

Olivia says, Nina would love nothing better than for her and Carly to be at odds, for Carly to think Ned is guilty, and for her to have to run around defending him. Ned says, all he cares about is that Olivia knows he told the truth, and she says she’s sorry she ever doubted him. He says, that’s because he’s given her reasons in the past to doubt him, but it’s behind them now. Olivia says she knows that too. Now what they have to focus on is making sure this conflict doesn’t tear their family apart, and she knows exactly how they’re going to do it. He asks, how? and she says, they’re going to find out who actually threw Drew and Carly to the wolves.

Nina and Martin go to a private spot on the terrace, and she asks if he’d rather go to her office. He says, not unless she wants to explain why she hired him. They already ran into Valentin. He wants to keep this off the record and as low tech as possible, in case his computer and phone records are subpoenaed. She asks why that would happen, and he says, because the Feds are leaning on him to give up her identity.

Michael says he doesn’t want to burden Willow with any outside issues while she’s recovering, but he doesn’t want to keep things from her either. She says, having something else to think about would actually be good for her, so she’s not stressing about whether the transplant is going to work or not. He says, when she puts it that way… When he promised her that he was going to end this vendetta with Sonny, he meant it. She asked him to drop it, and all he wants to do is make her happy. He had every intention of destroying the evidence against Sonny. She says, it sure seems like we’re building up to a but here, and he says, but now his mom could use that evidence as leverage to set her and Drew free.

Josslyn tells Carly that she wants to get Dex the hell away from Sonny. She doesn’t want Dex trapped in that world. And she wants to save Carly. She has this evidence; make herself a deal. Help Drew. Scout can grow up with her dad, and Donna can grow up with her mom. Carly says, there are so many moving parts to this Josslyn doesn’t understand, and this bloodlust she has for Sonny’s got to stop. It’s too much. Josslyn says, is it? He ruined their lives, and he hurt Carly. Carly says, yes. Sonny hurt her. And he hurt Josslyn’s brother, and he hurt Wiley. And she knows he hurt Josslyn, and she knows Josslyn thinks she has her back in all of this, but Sonny cannot go to prison. Because she’s a total idiot, Josslyn asks, why? Better him than Carly, right?

Drew meets Zeke at the pool bar, and says he was glad to meet Zeke at Portia and Curtis’s wedding and learn he had some expertise in cases like his. Zeke asks if Curtis knows he’s representing Drew, but Drew says, not yet. He’s waiting until Curtis has a little less on his plate, and this might not even go to trial. Zeke says, from his lips, and Drew says he’s going to need Zeke to get the SEC on the phone and talk about making a deal. Zeke says, good. He knows Drew would come around to his way of thinking. So he’s going to testify against Carly? Drew says, no. He’s going to turn himself in.

Terry tells Finn and Portia that she’s going to check on Willow, then expedite Elizabeth’s paperwork, so she can start asap in her new position. Portia says, the job never ends for the Chief of Staff, and Terry says, apparently not, which reminds her the Board has earmarked some funds for her to have a second in command. She doesn’t suppose she could encourage two of her favorite department heads to apply. Portia says, it’s a negative for her. She’s seen firsthand how you can become disenchanted with that job. She much prefers patients over paperwork. Terry says, if only she knew someone who got off on paperwork, and looks at Finn. He looks behind him, but there’s no one there, and says, him? That’s a hard pass. The elevator comes, Terry says, think about it, and gets in. Finn asks how Portia is doing. They haven’t talked much since the wedding. She says, things are complicated. Some of it isn’t her place to say, but like she told him, it’s… He says, complicated, and she says, Curtis moved back in, but they’re still working things out. Maybe it’s foolish of her to think they can salvage a relationship after it’s already been broken, but she’s holding out hope they can. She looks at Elizabeth, and says she has the feeling he knows exactly what she’s talking about.

On the phone in front of the memorial wall, Elizabeth tells her grandmother, it’s true. She’s walking in her footsteps as head nurse… Thank you. Your words are gold to me. She’ll call in the morning… She loves her too. She looks at the photo of Epiphany, then at the one of Steve Hardy. She says she did it. She’s going to be head nurse. She hopes that makes him proud.

Jordan sees Zeke left his room key, and picks it up. She says, he’s going to need it, and leaves with it.

Zeke says, Drew wants to turn himself in? and Drew says, yes. He wants to testify that this was all his idea, and Carly had no idea what she was doing. Zeke says he can only assume that’s a lie, since Carly bought all the shares in Aurora, and Drew says, this is his line of work; not Carly’s. He should have stressed the legal ramifications. Zeke says, ignorance of the law is no defense. Where is this coming from? Why is Drew so determined to fall on his own sword? Drew says, it’s ripping the families apart. They’re trying to get Carly to flip on her ex-husband. Zeke says, Sonny Corinthos? He can see the Feds thinking that’s the way to go. Drew says, Carly’s not going to turn on Sonny. Then they’re going to try to pit him and Carly against each other. It’s not going to stop until someone pays. He’s made it very clear that between Carly, Sonny, and him, only one person is going down. They’ve got such a big presence in their kids’ lives. Zeke says, and he’s not a presence in his daughter’s? but Drew says, his role is Scout’s life is very different. When he came back to Port Charles, she didn’t even know who he was. Zeke’s got to trust him. This makes the most sense. Somebody’s got to go down, and it’s going to be him.

Josslyn says, Sonny’s a criminal, like this is big news, but Carly says, Sonny’s world isn’t that cut and dried. Josslyn used to understand that. What’s changed? Is it Dex? Josslyn cries, and says, no. She accepted the life that Sonny was a part of when it was convenient for her. It’s the life she was raised in. She grew up in that house. She bought into the fantasy that Sonny uses his power for good. And she always believed Sonny would do right by Carly. He hasn’t been that man in a minute. Why should she believe his intentions now? Does Carly think she looks at Sonny and sees her happy childhood memories anymore? She looks at him and sees all the pain he’s brought to their family, and all the times they got caught in his crossfire. Carly says, that’s not true, and Josslyn says, why doesn’t she tell that to Dex, or to Willow? Actually, why doesn’t she tell that to Morgan?… She’s sorry. Carly tells her that she has to stop, and stomps on the flashdrive, crushing it. Just stop.

Zeke says he wouldn’t be doing his duty as Drew’s lawyer if he didn’t advise him against turning himself in to the SEC, and Drew asks if he doesn’t think he can negotiate favorable terms. Zeke says, if the government will take a guilty plea without going through a lengthy and costly trial, maybe, but it’s going to take some time. Drew says, that’s all he needs. Just get the deal in place, but don’t finalize anything yet. He might have an ace up his sleeve that will make this whole thing go away. Zeke says he assumes he doesn’t want to know, and Drew says, probably not. Zeke says he’ll see what he can do in the morning, but keep in mind that even if the SEC agrees to a deal, a federal judge can always overrule it. Drew says, it’s a risk he’ll have to take.

Finn and Portia approach Elizabeth, and Finn says he hopes they’re not interrupting. Elizabeth says, no. She was just thinking about her grandfather and all the others who have meant so much to this hospital. It’s really an honor to be appointed head nurse. Finn says, an honor she deserves, and Portia says, absolutely. And now Elizabeth doesn’t have an excuse not to go out with her. They have some good news to celebrate. Terry said she’d meet up with them later. How about the MetroCourt? She can make reservations for three or… Elizabeth looks at Finn, and says, make that four. He’s coming with them, right? He says he wishes he could, but he has some work he needs to finish up. Have fun; she deserves it. Elizabeth thanks him, and dashes off with Portia.

Jordan sees Zeke at the restaurant, and asks if he forgot something. She hands him the keycard, saying, he locked himself out of his room. He asks how she knows he didn’t leave it on purpose so she’d track him down, and she asks if that’s his pick-up line. Because it needs some work. He says, they’re both here, so can he order them a nightcap? but she says, that’s how they ended up in his room in the first place. How about a raincheck? He says, she has his number, and she says, yes, she does.

Olivia says, it would go a long way in mending fences if she and Ned could find the guilty party, and he says he loves her unswerving loyalty. But everyone seems to forget that Drew and Carly are the guilty parties. For all they know, it was some Eagle Scout accountant on Drew’s payroll who tipped off the SEC. Even if he proves his innocence, that doesn’t change the fact that Drew and Michael were so quick to crucify him. The level of distrust between them… He’s not sure they can bounce back from that. At least not enough to run ELQ together again. Olivia says, or Ned could be the bigger person. Find them the information they need. That would turn down the heat a little, doesn’t he think?

Nina says, Martin told her the tip to the SEC would be anonymous, and Martin says, if it would have remained a financial matter, that would have been the case. But now that the FBI is using it to pressure Carly to turn on Sonny, that’s an entirely different situation. Nina says, she never thought about that, which is always the crux of Nina’s problems. She has the foresight of a 14 year old. He says, neither did he. Not that he thinks she’d do it, but if Carly does flip on Sonny for some reason, it’s likely both parties will want to know her name during discovery. You know what they say, all’s fair in love and war, especially when it comes to RICO charges.

Sonny says, make arrangements for one shipment, but he’s not allowing them to move one crate until they have a real conversation about what threat he’s facing. Can Valentin let them know that? Valentin says, absolutely, and Sonny tells Dex that he can go. Dex leaves, and Sonny asks Valentin how Anna is holding up. Valentin says he wishes he knew.

Willow tells Michael, whatever Carly decides to do with the information is her choice, but it won’t be made out of anger or malice. It’ll all be out in the open. So whatever happens next, she supports him and his family. Just like they’ve supported her through this fight with leukemia. He thanks her, when Terry walks in, and says she sees somebody’s awake. She asks how Willow is feeling, and Willow says, like she got her immune system shot out, then got shot up with someone else’s DNA. Terry says, that’s a good thing; it means it’s working. She tells Michael that she has to run a few tests, and he says he’ll be outside. He tells Willow that he loves her, and she says she loves him too.

Josslyn picks up the pieces of the flashdrive, putting them on the kitchen island. The moss bowl🎍eyes them hungrily, and Josslyn asks what Carly just did. Carly says, what she should have done the second Michael gave it to her. She knows what Josslyn is going through. She’s lashing out at the people she loves when they prove to her they’re human and reckless with her heart; she gets it. It’s a page out of the playbook she used to follow. Hell, she still follows it from time to time. Josslyn says, Carly is telling her that she wants to save her from herself? Carly just condemned Dex. He’s done for. Carly says, he’s not. Stay here with Donna and the moss bowl🎍 . Josslyn asks where she’s going, and Carly says she’s going to take care of everything.

Sonny tells Valentin that he and Anna go back a long way. They don’t always see eye to eye, but they understand each other. When she’s hurt, she doesn’t want to burden the people who care about her. There’s usually one in every relationship. Valentin says he gets that. He’s just usually not in a relationship where they’re both that person. He goes to the door, and says, by the way, he noticed a rather large and expensive rock on Nina’s finger. Does that mean Sonny has good news to report? Sonny laughs, and says, that’s right. Valentin says, congratulations. She’s an amazing woman. Be good to one another. He leaves, closing the door behind him.

Josslyn messes with the pieces of the flashdrive, when Dex comes running in, saying, hey, Joss. He stops short, and says, what’s wrong? She says, it’s over. There’s no way out for them now. She hugs him.

Michael disposes of his sanitary outfit, and runs into Carly as she walks out of the elevator.

Olivia says, lately, Ned’s become a little more cynical, and he says, that’s not fair, but she says, don’t take it as a criticism. She knows they can’t be all pie in the sky all the time. She married a tough businessman, not some aspiring rock star he was years ago. But she married a man who put family first. So she’s just saying, maybe it’s possible that he’s strayed away from that a little bit lately, and maybe it’s possible it’s time to get back to that. He says he’ll think about that, and she says she has to check in with the chef, but snag them a table on the terrace. He says he thinks he can manage that, and they kiss.

Jordan says she’ll give Zeke a call, and he says, okay. She goes to the elevator, and Portia comes out with Elizabeth. She tells them, have a good night, and gets in. They head for the bar, and Portia says, what a great surprise, hugging Zeke. She asks if Elizabeth has met her brother Zeke, and Jordan hears, just as the elevator doors close.

At the hospital, Finn flashes back to being Elizabeth’s escort at the Nurses Ball.

On the phone at the pool, Drew asks if there’s any chance Tracy can circle back to the MetroCourt… Why here? Because they have to do this away from the rest of the family… There’s an important matter he needs to discuss with her.

Nina tells Martin that she never would have come forward had she known her identity could be exposed. More importantly, that Sonny could be hurt. He says, it’s not a done deal, but he’d be wrong if he didn’t at least alert her to the possibility. She puts her head in her hands, and he says, this isn’t over. In the meantime, he’ll do everything in his power to make sure no one knows it was her who tipped off the SEC about Drew and Carly. Ned listens in, then jets, and Martin tells Nina that he needs to get to the office before anyone knows he’s gone. He walks out, and Ned watches him leave.

Tomorrow, Drew says, Tracy is the answer to his problem; Dex tells Josslyn, this is his best option and he’s taking it; Sonny says, some things are better said face to face; and Ned says, it was you all along.

Vanderpump Rules – The Reunion – Part 3

I’ve decided to call Raquel Rachel for two reasons. Most of the cast was calling her that already, although Andy continued to call her Raquel. You’ll find the other reason later in the show.

James says, what a finale to the finale, and Andy says, POS (my addition) Rachel is here and ready to join them. Because of the restraining order, Scheana is now 100 yards away in her trailer. He asks how Rachel is, and she says, holding up. She’s super embarrassed, and not proud of what she did. She owes a lot of people in the room an apology. Andy says, first, we need to discuss how they got there. The girls trip to Vegas and Lake Havasu that Katie organized. We flash back to that, and Rachel says she was so uncomfortable. Lala says, that’s her fault, not theirs, and Andy says, the first stop was Vegas. He asks Lisa how the restaurant is going, and she says, fantastic. They knocked it out of the ballpark, and it’s been productive. She’s always loved to create design, and it’s arguably the most beautiful restaurant in Vegas. Andy says, we thought we saw a sisterhood in the car ride where Rachel had a breakdown, and the girls rallied around her. We flash back to that, and Rachel says, then they proceeded to bash her at dinner. Lala says, they were talking about a comment Rachel made, and Lala’s assessment was spot-on. She wouldn’t trust Rachel. Andy asks what Rachel meant by, thank God Lala doesn’t have a man, and Rachel says, she was so drunk… Andy – who’s semi not having it – says, sometimes [when we’re drunk], we speak the truth. Rachel says she was shocked at how drunk she got. Her personality did shift that summer. She changed her mindset. She wasn’t pleasing everyone else all the time, and only herself. Lala says, she was screwing people over, and Rachel says she’s been super, super selfish. This makes me want to smack her more than I wanted to smack her to begin with, but Ariana does it for me verbally. She tells Rachel, diabolical, disgusting, subhuman. Get a better vocabulary, because selfish doesn’t cut it. Rachel says, her actions were human, and Sandoval tries to interject, but Lala tells him to be quiet. There’s some, no, you, stuff, and Lala tells him, STFU. Andy says he wants hear them both, and Lala says, watching the both of them act and say what they did while they were f***ing each other is demonic. Sandoval says, they had sex one time, and Lala says, it doesn’t matter; they crossed the line. James tells Lala, why is he saying it was one time? and Andy says, watching Rachel talk to Ariana about her intimacy issues with Sandoval, looking back, it is diabolical. We flash back to that, and Andy says, he’s never seen anything like it. He asks what it was like watching it, and Rachel says, it was hard to watch. Andy says, in their one on one, she said they’d slept together once. She insists she was transparent, and Andy asks if Sandoval encouraged her to break up with Ariana. Rachel says she encouraged Sandoval to reflect and see if he was happy. As a friend first, she wanted him be happy. Ariana says, they’d already f***ed by then. STFU. F*** you. You’re disgusting. She tells Rachel that she wishes nothing but the worst f***ing sh*t for her. Sandoval says, we don’t live our lives by logic, and they all laugh. Lisa says, there is no logic here, and Sandoval says, that’s what he means; feelings took over. Rachel says, James and Lala can’t talk. They kept their hooking up a secret when she and James were together. Lala says, I wasn’t your best friend, ho. She was a kid, and Rachel was a no-name. They met and Lala hated her. Ariana was her best friend. She’s sick, talking to Ariana while f***ing Sandoval. Sandoval says, one time, and James says, be honest. Multiple, multiple, multiple times. Sandoval tries to mimic James, because he’s too stupid to realize he’s said one time one time too many.  Andy brings up Rachel saying Lala was a mistress, and Lal says she’s so sick and so done with the mistress thing. If she’d been one, it would be a lot easier to say, sh*t happens. The truth is, she was lied to for a long time. She had a ring. He said they were separated. They were traveling together, and he FaceTimed her with his kids. Sandoval asks why she didn’t go to his house, and she says, hindsight is 20/20. Sandoval says, Lala called him her boyfriend, and we flash back to the Reunion a million years ago where Lala talked about it without talking about it. Lala tells him, STFU about her life; he wasn’t separated. Sandoval says she should do her research because he’s the biggest a-hole on the planet. Rachel says, Lala told her that the woman gets the blame, and Andy asks if she feels like she’s taking the blame. Rachel says, Lala referred to her as a mistress, and Lala says she’s paying for someone else’s lies and actions. Karma is a f***. Look at Sandoval’s life now. Lisa tells her not to let that make her bitter, but Lala says, she’s not bitter; she’s aware. Sandoval is still mumbling stuff, and Lala calls him a f***ing moron, and James says, he’s a psychopath. Scheana sits in her trailer nodding and eating her feelings. There’s more name calling, and Lala says she called it pretty well. That’s why it triggers Sandoval. Andy decides it’s time to take a break.

Brock and his new haircut join Scheana, and Andy says, the other shocking moment on the show was Schwartz making out with Rachel. We flash back to that, and Schwartz asks if that’s really what he looks like making out. In his mind, he’s sexy. I realize he’s trying to give comic relief, but there’s a time and place, and it’s not now. Andy asks if anyone thinks Katie overreacted, but it’s a hard no. She had one rule; don’t hook up with someone in the friend group. Andy asks what drove Schwartz to disregard the boundary, and Schwartz goes from comedy to semantics, saying, technically, Rachel wasn’t Katie’s friend. Rachel says she thought they had a little thing between them. Insert your favorite joke here. Ariana is skeptical, but Rachel says, they had chemistry. Katie says, Rachel is a c-word, and Schwartz was drunk, and Lisa asks how Rachel could be in that situation when she’d slept with Sandoval. Rachel lies that she put a cap on things with Sandoval, and Schwartz says, Rachel was someone he’d been curious to make out with from the beginning, even though no one is listening to him anymore. James says, it’s incesty, dirty, and weird, and Andy says, Lala revealed that she and James hooked up when he was with Rachel. We flash back to that, and Rachel says, James and Lala always had a flirty relationship. Andy wonders if she ever questioned James about it, but she says she doesn’t recall, although she noticed the flirtation, and it made her uncomfortable at the time. Lala didn’t have any respect for her. Lala says she still doesn’t, and Rachel says, Lala resented her because she loved the attention from James, and the attention wasn’t on her anymore. Lala says she thinks Rachel needs a mental evaluation; she’s insane. Rachel says she is getting an evaluation, and Andy asks why making out with Schwartz is unforgivable, yet Lala expects Rachel to get over James. Lala wonders, why bring up something from five seasons ago? When she told Rachel, she acted totally over it until it served her narrative. Rachel made a stupid comment in Vegas, and tried to put the focus back on Lala. We flash back to Lala saying, she wouldn’t trust Rachel with her man, and Rachel saying, good thing she doesn’t have a man. Andy asks if Rachel weaponized Lala’s admission, and Rachel says, it was Lala at her finest. Lala says she’s always at her finest, and Andy decides to switch gears to Schwartz’s beach day joke, when James got angry and threw a drink at him. Andy asks why it triggered James, and James says, he’s worked his whole life to open for a DJ he’s always admired, and Schwartz was disrespectful. Sandoval tries to talk, and James tells him, shut up. When he doesn’t, James puts his fingers in his ears and says, lalalalalalalalalala. Schwartz wonders what he has to say to squash the beef, and Andy says, he has apologized 85,000 times. Schwartz says, James should apologize, but James says he’s not sorry. Schwartz says he was upset about James tearing apart his life afterward, and James says he doesn’t regret throwing the drink, but he’s sorry about the rant. Andy says, it’s a good place to take a break. Lisa tells James, if he doesn’t shut up, they’ll be here two days. Just make his point. James apologizes to Lisa and Andy, and says he loves them. He sure is wired tonight.

I eat my feelings in the form of frozen lemon bars from Trader Joe’s.

Andy says, rumor had it that Sandoval and Ariana were in an open relationship. It all started when Ally spotted them in The Abbey. James imitates them dancing, and we flash back to Ally saying she saw them without Ariana. Ally is also visiting Scheana’s trailer, and they discuss how Sandoval made it sound like they were all there together.  Andy asks if Katie thought something was going on, but she says, not at that point, but later, when she saw them interacting, it felt weird. James thinks Sandoval possibly started the rumor so people wouldn’t suspect, and Ariana says she thinks so, since it was based on Rachel being told after Coachella. In her trailer, Scheana says, it’s a f***ing lie, and Sandoval insists he never said such a thing. Ariana says, they already know he’s a liar, and Rachel tells them, Sandoval never said that. Schwartz says, there was a rumor that Sandoval and Ariana hooked up with Billie Lee, and had a threesome, but he knows it’s bullsh*t. Ariana says, they never had a threesome, and Schwartz says, Lala hooked up with Ariana too. Andy says, which brings them back to the affair. He asks where Rachel stayed after the news broke, and she says, with her sister for a while, then she went to Tucson where she stayed with family. Andy asks if she and Sandoval have been hanging out, and Sandoval mumbles that they’ve hung out. Andy asks if Rachel was considering skipping the Reunion, and she says she was. She was ashamed and embarrassed that she was capable if keeping such a secret from someone who’s been in her corner. She’s sorry for betraying Ariana, and can’t fathom the pain. She’s right, selfish doesn’t begin to describe her state of mind. They made a mistake in the way it was handled, and  betrayed those closest to them. It was detrimental to all their friendships, and she’s seeing the consequences of her actions. She didn’t consider the consequences, since she’d been living in the moment. Andy asks, why do it? and Rachel says, she and Sandoval had a connection. She felt seen and heard. Ariana rightly takes offense to this, but Rachel says she never confided personal things to Ariana, but felt compelled to confide in Sandoval. Ariana rightly says, that’s inappropriate. She never should have crossed the line. Rachel says, she was a people pleaser, and Ariana says – wait for it – so my dog just died, and I cried in your arms, and you thought, I should f*** her boyfriend. You’re lower than the lowest of people. Rachel stupidly does her deer-in-the-headlights nod as Ariana talks. Ariana says, she’s a psychopath, and terrifying as a person because of what she’s capable of. Rachel loves Harry Potter; she’s The Dementor. I don’t know what that is, but it doesn’t sound good. Ariana hopes Charlotte haunts Rachel, and Rachel says, you’re right, because she’s forgotten all her pageant responses at this point. Ariana says, she’s a soul sucking individual, who she never wants to see or speak to again, and she’ll be better for it. Andy asks why Rachel kept going with the affair, and Rachel says, it was impossible to turn away. Andy asks if she’s in love with Sandoval, and after a short silence, she says, yeah. Ariana says, she’s ugly, hideous, rotten inside, and Andy asks if she’s still in love. Rachel looks at him blankly, and Andy asks if Sandoval is in love. There’s silence, and Ariana looks like she’s going to laugh. She says, delusional and hilarious, and Lala says, it’s a simple question. Are you in love or not? Sandoval heaves one of those huge sighs of his, and says, he’s sorry; yes. Ariana says, grody, a word I haven’t heard in I don’t know how long. It’s the most pathetic thing she’s heard. Lala says, they both did this for Ariana. There will be a day when she thinks she’s grateful she got out of the torture chamber, and eliminated two horrendous people at the same time. Ariana says, Rachel is nothing. Let that sink in. It shouldn’t be hard for her to absorb what someone else thinks, since she’s never had an original thought. Lala says, nor does she have this. This is who he is, and it will be a pattern. She’ll be the next to go, and she’s dead to everybody. Rachel gets up, and walks out. Ariana says, leave and never come back. No one wants you.

Rachel says she just needed water, and comes back, but Ariana says, they don’t need her. Andy says, after the beach, Rachel went back to Sandoval’s house with him and Schwartz, then lied about spending the night. We flash back to when Sandoval kept calling Lisa dude. Andy asks if they had sex, but Sandoval says, absolutely not. Schwarz says, there was no hanky panky weird sh*t in the hot tub, and Andy asks if Sandoval and Rachel ever hooked up at his house. Sandoval says, no, and Andy asks what he thinks about the support for Ariana. He says, she deserves it. It was heartbreaking. Not one friend, or even anyone close, texted him. Ariana asks what he thought would happen, and he says, a text would be nice. Ariana says, no one wants to be friends with him; they don’t like him. Schwartz says, at Ariana’s worst and most humiliating moment… Ariana says, she’s not humiliated, and Schwartz says, the world is rallying around her. Andy asks Ariana’s perspective on that, and she says, that’s what kept her going. She tears up, and says, her friends, her family, strangers. There was a week and a half where she didn’t eat, and lost 8 pounds. (I can’t help the word upside! creeping into my head.) She had someone staying with her, because she needed to be babysat. She can’t think of two worse people. James says, disgusting, and Ariana says, she doesn’t have to be a person in a relationship who never made a mistake to know that on no level whatsoever did she deserve this f***ing sh*t. Sandoval agrees she didn’t, and Ariana says, and they’re still doing it. It’s f***ing disgusting. This is gross. When is it going to click? It’s an abomination. Abort it. It’s so f***ing awful. Lisa looks like she’s going to cry, and I’m on the verge. Ariana says, if not for everyone around her… Her life is getting better by the minute, and theirs is in the gutter. James suggests Rachel not call Ally her replacement, when actually she’s an upgrade. Ariana says, Sandoval got a downgrade.

Andy says, the news lit up the internet with a lot of rumors to clear up. On Halloween, Sandoval dressed as Rachel. Ariana says, she helped him do it, and Lisa says, it’s macabre and bizarre. Why do any of it, but why that? James says, he’s a creeper, and Andy brings up the lightning bolt necklace Rachel bought that matches Sandoval’s. We flash back to that, and Andy asks if it has a meaning. Rachel says, it’s significant to who Sandoval became in her life. Lisa says, but it’s so provocative, and it’s on camera. It’s like Rachel is acting out some weird charade. Like in her mind, she’s in a pageant, acting a part, and competing with the other girls. James says, she’s not winning this one either, and Ariana says, she’s a sociopath. Rachel says she cringed when she saw it, and Ariana says, she should be cringing every moment of her life. Lisa asks how Rachel feels, looking in the eyes of the person who loved and defended her? but everyone chimes in, saying, she feels nothing. Lisa says, it’s the most mind-boggling piece of film she’s ever seen. Sandoval whines that neither one of them had time to process this, and didn’t want to hurt anyone. Andy asks what happened with Ariana’s eggs, and we flash back to that. He asks if Sandoval fertilized them, and she says, no, thank God. She doesn’t want that DNA mixed with her. Andy asks if Sandoval’s slept with anyone else since the break-up, and Sandoval says, no. James and Lala make noises about someone in Chicago, and Ariana says, he slept with her. Sandoval says, she kept her T-shirt on; really hot. Lala says, he’s such a f***ing d*ck. Shwartz just puts his head down, and in her trailer, Scheana says she wants to throw something at the TV. Lala tells Rachel, this is her future, just so she knows. Andy says, Rachel is Raquel’s given name. How old was she when she changed it? Rachel says, first grade. There were two other Rachels… Ariana says, she wanted to feel special, and Rachel says, her family calls her Rachel, and her friends call her Raquel. Ariana says, she has no friends anymore, and Rachel says, any time someone calls you something out of your preferred name, it’s disrespectful. And there you go – my reason for doing it. She says, Lala should know, but Lala says, it’s a nickname. She didn’t change her name. Andy asks if Sandoval’s family knew what was going on, and Sandoval says, he told his mom, and she was extremely surprised. She said, this is not good, and he said he knows. He heaves another sigh, and Andy asks about Rachel spending Christmas with him, but he says, no. Andy asks if she’s met his family, and Sandoval says, when they came for the opening of Schwartz & Sandy’s. Andy asks what they thought, and Ariana says, she’s a whore.

My feelings are now chocolate covered almonds.

Andy asks how they went from a one-night stand to a full blown relationship, and there’s another sigh. Sandoval says, emotions got the best of him. Andy asks when it became a relationship, and Sandoval says, January. Andy says, when the dust settles – James says, it’s never settling – where do they think they’ll be a year from now? Rachel says, it’s too soon to tell, and James says, in a house made of dog sh*t. He’s a creeper; they’re poo poo heads. Lisa tells him, stop it, and Sandoval says, it’s hard to know if what they’re feeling is real or not. It’s best to take time to reflect. James thinks they scripted this, and Rachel says, they were trying to figure out if it’s just something exciting and superficial, or is it deeper? Lisa says, at other’s expense, and Rachel says she’s sorry. Ariana says she doesn’t accept, and Lisa says, they don’t understand the magnitude. Schwartz says he’d told Sandoval that he had to tell Ariana what was going on, or it was going to come out and humiliate her. Ariana says she already told him; she’s not humiliated. He changes that to, it’s going to be nuclear. Andy asks if Rachel thinks it’s possible to mend fences, and she says, right now, no. Ariana says, forever, no, and Katie says, it’s not up to Rachel. Rachel says she’s sorry to the people she’s hurt through this process. In Scheana’s trailer, Brock suggests she could name the people, and Scheana asks where her apology is. Rachel says, she’s embarrassed all around and Lala says, people finally see who she really is. Rachel says, it’s a learning process. She wants to be a better friend to those in her life, and realizes how much her actions affect other people. Andy bids her goodbye, and they take a break. Ariana tells Rachel to skedaddle, and go get the little rat kisses she loves.

Backstage, Rachel coddles Sandoval, and says, it was brutal. He says, she handled it better than him, and she says, it was hard to admit to everything when it was laid out in front of them; what they’ve done and how they hurt people. It’s hard to accept that, and seeing the person she’s become. It’s not who she wants to be. Sandoval says, it really sucks. It’s hard knowing people think they’re the evilest people ever, and compulsive liars. She says, in hindsight, they should have done things differently. A producer tells Rachel that she has to evacuate to maintain her distance from Scheana. Lala asks Ariana what she would have done had Sandoval told her, and Ariana says, he would have had two options. Either it’s over between her and him, or he never sees Rachel again. Lala asks if Ariana would have not been as upset, and she says, eventually maybe, but don’t go for her friends.

In the commercial break, the text says, there’s more we haven’t seen. Betrayal, deception, more fallout, deceit, tears, and secrets. Next week, it’s Secrets Revealed. In other words, we scrambled through the footage we didn’t use. I need a drink, but don’t dare. I won’t stop.

Andy says, they’re doing the restraining order do-si-do, and asks what Scheana’s thoughts are. She says, Rachel is a sociopath; not one tear. Ariana says, fake AF, and Andy asks for final thoughts at the end of an incredibly dramatic night. He asks if Scheana and Brock will be having a second baby, but despite Lisa’s pleadings, Scheana says, not any time soon. James is hoping to do more festivals, and that Imagine ends up booking him again. He’s just keeping it going. Andy asks if Schwartz thinks he’ll remarry, but Schwartz says, only a 5% chance. He’ll fall in love and have a happy life, but not married. Katie says, maybe, but she doesn’t want another wedding, and has no wish to be a mother. She wants to be the cool aunt, off to another country with the hot young guy of the month. Andy asks how they move on as a group, but they don’t know if there’s an answer. Sandoval gives us a last sigh, and says he understands that he f***ed up. He’s human and made a mistake and hurt somebody he loved more than anyone. He starts blubbering, like we care, and says he knows Ariana hates him and it’s okay. He understands, and wants her to know he’ll always love her, and always cheer her on from afar. Ariana says she’s grateful for Scheana, Lala, James, Katie, Lisa, and Andy being here for her today and always. She won’t forgive Sandoval, and won’t be cheering him on from afar. Andy asks Lisa where the gang goes from here, and she says, there’s too much to process. She hopes some of them find forgiveness or compassion, and Andy says, what everyone needs is time. He thanks them for being open and free with their thoughts and emotions. In 10 great seasons, this one blew our minds. They take a group photo, and Lisa says she loves them all. Scheana says, it’s the most somber end to a Reunion ever.

Six days later – Rachel’s final interview. The producer says, it seems like Rachel is in a lot of pain. Why does she think this is important? She says, the truth is important to her. She’s been lying and being deceitful the entire time. She doesn’t want to lie anymore. The worst is out, but she’s still finding herself having to lie about specific timeline things. We flash back to Sandoval saying, one time, and the producer asks why she maintained some lies at the Reunion. She says, it felt less hurtful to say it wasn’t going on for as long as it was. The second time was in Mexico. They’d said it wasn’t going to be a thing, but the first night in Cancun, Sandoval got drunk and couldn’t find his room. She heard him in the hallway, and told him to come inside. She admits to having sex multiple times in Mexico, and that it was regular and ongoing. It picked up speed after they wrapped filming. She says she didn’t go to St. Louis for Christmas, but then we see a photo of them there, dated around then. The producer says, she’s telling it with her face, and she says she has a bad poker face. It happened and she felt guilty. It ate her alive. She even wondered what Ariana would think of her as an addition, a throuple, but Sandoval said she wouldn’t be into that. She loves Ariana as a person, and was in love with Sandoval, so it didn’t seem far-fetched. Sandoval is going to kill her, but she hates lying. She insists there was never anything in Sandoval and Ariana’s house, but starts bawling. She says, Sandoval is the one person she has. If she betrayed him, she’d have nobody. The producer says, she already ripped off the bandaid; what’s one more detail? She says, it’s the one story agreed on getting straight. It’s a bad look to hook up with someone’s boyfriend in their own house when they’re out of town, especially for a funeral. It’s killed her f***ing soul. She’s so sick of lying. She hates being deceitful. It’s horrible.  

I hope God strikes her fat and ugly. Although she’s partway there on the inside.

🛁 Can’t Wash the Dirt Off…

We’ve had some awful Reunions going on, but this was the worst. But it’s over now, so don’t shy away about coming back tomorrow for soap and a spot of tea. Until then, stay safe, stay having sweet dreams, and for the love of all that’s holy, never sleep with your friend’s significant other. Unless you are a throuple.