What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Eddie/Ned thanks Marshall for booking him at The Savoy tonight, but Marshall says, no need to thank him. He just made a suggestion; it was Curtis who got the PR machine rolling, When Curtis throws a party, people want to come. Eddie says he wasn’t sure after that crowd the other night, and Marshall says, he means lack of crowd, and they’re going to try and keep that a thing of the past. Does he have everything he needs? Eddie says he does. He’s just trying to finalize the set list. N’neka calls to Marshall, who goes over to her, and Eddie says, there’s just one problem.

Out in the club, Olivia tells Brook, look at this. The stage all set up for her father to play. Brook says, it’s surreal watching Eddie Maine’s universe take physical form. Olivia says, he’s so excited about this; she’s getting all caught up in it with him. Brook tells her that she says it like it’s a bad thing, but Olivia says, it’s not that. Brook says, Olivia is still hoping he remembers who she is, who they all are, and Olivia says, not who they are, who he is. She knows Brook thinks she’s crazy, hanging all this hope on a half-finished song, but there was something in him when he played it for her, and talking about muses and everything. She just felt it in her heart that there must be something deeper in there; like Ned was underneath wanting to climb out. Like the song was his way back to them. When he was recording it, there was a minute there when she thought he might remember something. Then Marshall offered him this gig and a challenge to finish the song and play it here tonight. She’s just so afraid she’s getting her hopes up for something. Maybe it’s just a beautiful song and doesn’t mean anything at all. Brook says, don’t worry. At least Eddie accepts them all now. He’s getting to know them in a new way. Olivia says, what if he gets to know them and decides he doesn’t feel the same way about them that he used to?

NuMolly (sigh… see below) and TJ come into the club, and Curtis says he’s glad they could make it. TJ says, they’re looking forward to having a good time. They have a lot to celebrate. Curtis agrees and says he’s glad he gets to celebrate with them.

Blaze comes in, and Brook says she’s so glad Blaze could make it. Blaze thanks her for the invite. She’s never heard of Eddie Maine. Brook says, he was a little before their time, and Blaze says, so he’s a comeback? Brook says, oh, he’s come back all right. Eddie Maine’s actually her father. Blaze says, Brook told her that her father’s a musician, but isn’t her last name Quartermaine? and Brook says, yeah. He dropped the Quarter and just stuck with the Maine.

Curtis tells TJ and Molly to get some drinks on him, and they go to the bar. Portia joins him, and says, look how many people are here. Curtis says he just put some feelers out and talked to some old friends he hasn’t seen for a while, and that was it. She says, when he calls, they come, and he says, dad wanted to pack the house for Eddie Maine’s debut. Marshall asked him to pull out all the stops. She says, and viola. She wishes Trina was here to see this.

Josslyn sits on the bed while Trina packs. Trina wonders where her new pumps are; she just had them earlier. Josslyn takes them out from under the suitcase and says, here you go. Trina thanks her, and Josslyn says, she’s got to calm down. Everything’s going to be okay. Trina says, it’s Spencer’s fault she’s late.

Spencer calls to confirm concierge service for his flight to New York. They will be on time… Okay, perfect. He’ll be there soon. Esme comes out with Spencer’s tablet and says, he left it in the kitchen. She thought he might want it for his trip to New York.

Chase goes into the interrogation room and asks Dante, how’s it going in here? Did he get anything out of this guy? Dante says, they shouldn’t be too much longer, and Chase says, right, closing the door. He sees Sam in the squad room, and she asks if Dante is here. Chase says, he’s in the interrogation room with a prisoner, Cody Bell. Is he expecting her? She says, no, but she’ll shoot him a text and let him know she’s here. Chase says, forget that. He’ll announce her. He goes back in, where Dante and Cody are discussing football, and Chase says, Sam’s here to see Dante. How about if he lets her in and they can tell him what’s really going on here?

Gladys packs frantically, tossing some things aside when the suitcase won’t close. There’s a knock at the door, and she says she’s almost ready. She thought they were going to text. The knocking continues, and Gladys opens the door to Sasha. She throws her arms around Sasha and says, thank God, but Sasha’s not looking too happy.

Chase asks if Dante had a desk sergeant notify Gladys Corbin that Cody was in custody, knowing that she’d show up here and he’d be the one to deal with her. Dante says, yes, but it’s only because he knew Chase could handle her. He’s sorry. Chase says he could barely handle her. That woman is crazy. The only reason she got up and left is because she got a phone… a phone call. But they knew all about that, don’t they? Dante says, they have reason to believe that Gladys has been embezzling from Sasha. That call… Sam says, that’s how Gladys found out that she was being investigated.

Gladys says she’s so glad to see Sasha, and Sasha says, really? It sounded like she was expecting someone else. She walks in, looking at the suitcase, and Gladys asks where she’s been. How did she get away from Cody? The police have him in custody, but no one had seen Sasha and he refused to say what happened. She feared for the worst. She was so afraid for Sasha. Sasha says, really? and Gladys says, of course (🍷). Sasha says, then what’s with the suitcase and all the clothes? Was she going somewhere?

Marshall goes back to the green room, and Eddie tells him that he was just saying how much he appreciates the chance to play. Marshall says, doesn’t he know it. As a musician, there’s no substitute for performing. It’s not only a reward; it’s the greatest teacher. It shows you what’s working and what needs help. It gets all the creative juices flowing and it’s a great way to test new material. Speaking of which, he can’t wait to hear Eddie’s new song. He leaves, and Eddie says, about that… He gives the band the set list and says he decided to put that Idle Rich song there instead… Brook walks in, and he thanks the band for coming in for a quick run through. Get themselves a beer and he’ll see them later. The band leaves, and Brook says, sorry. She didn’t mean to drive everyone away. He says, not at all. You know musicians; any excuse to get a beer. She says she just came to tell him that she knows he’s going to do great tonight. She just wishes her mom was here to see it. She knows he doesn’t remember, but growing up, she heard countless stories about Eddie’s performances, listening to CDs, and now here she is, about to hear it live for herself. She can’t wait. He thanks her, and she almost hugs him, but instead says, break a leg, Eddie.

Olivia congratulates Blaze on being Brook’s first client. She’s absolutely thrilled. Brook is going to do a great job for Blaze. There’s nobody more dedicated than Brook when she puts her mind to something. Blaze says, then that will make two of them. She plans to match Brook’s dedication. So tell her about Eddie Maine. He’s Brook’s father? She was a little vague about it. Olivia says, it’s a long story, and Blaze says, that’s what she said. Olivia tells her, let’s just say, it’s been a while since Eddie has performed for people other than busking in Rice Plaza. So they’re all a little bit on edge tonight.

Portia asks, how are the soon-to-be parents? and Molly says, a little on Cloud 9. TJ says, they wanted to tell his mom tonight, but she had to cancel at the last minute. They’ll tell her soon. They want the whole family to be in the loop. Portia says, all they have to do is tell Aunt Stella, and they laugh.

Willow, Kristina, and Michael come in, and Kristina tells Michael, lighten up. Willow is already back at work. He says, that doesn’t mean she has to charge out of the gate like a bull, and Willow says, coming to a club isn’t charging out of the gate. He says, after her first day back at work, he figured she’d want to stay home and relax after all that exposure and stress. She says, coming to the club will help reduce the stress, and it’s actually good for her immune system. Kristina says, and vodka does wonders to keep things sterile (I concur), but Willow says, unfortunately, just sparkling water for her tonight. Kristina says, Michael, on the other hand, if he isn’t careful, he’s going to become a Type-A as controlling as Molly. She looks at Molly and TJ across the room.

Spencer packs his tablet, and Esme comes out, looking at her phone. He says he wants to go over everything with her before he leaves, but she says, he can’t go.

Olivia asks how Eddie is doing, and Brook says, he’s not nearly as nervous as they are. He was just going over the set list with the band. Olivia wonders if he’s finished the song. He’s being so tight lipped about it. Brook says, he didn’t tell her anything, and Olivia says, maybe he wants it to be a surprise. She’s going to thank Marshall and Curtis. It’s really Marshall’s challenge that made this whole thing possible. She leaves, and Blaze says, Olivia told her the whole big story about Eddie; what a history. Brook says, that history has crash landed right into the present day, and Blaze says, it’s so strange. She guesses Brook knew he had that whole double life back in the day, but now after his head injury, he’s really become this guy, Eddie Maine? Brook says, that’s what he believes, and Blaze says, so he’s Brook’s dad, except he believes he’s a completely different person. How does that even work? Brook says, about as well as you could expect. She misses her dad of course (🍷), but she’s really starting to like Eddie; they all are. Everyone except her grandmother.

Marshall tells Curtis, you see all these happy people here? Does he think they’re here for Eddie Maine? No. They’re here for Curtis. Curtis says, they already went over this, but Marshall says, this club is you; you are this club. When Curtis pulled out all those PR stops, he got this crowd here. It’s because of Curtis they’re all here to see Eddie Maine’s big comeback. Curtis says, they’ll talk about it later, but one thing he can say, it feels good to be back in the mix. Marshall says, another good reason to be glad he didn’t sell this club to that woman, but Curtis says he hasn’t really made a decision on Selina’s offer yet. Olivia joins them and says she wanted to thank them for supporting Eddie tonight.

Michael asks, what’s up with Kristina and Molly? and Kristina says, see for yourself, heading over to them. Molly tells TJ, she’s coming over here, and Kristina says, hello, you two. She hears congratulations are in order. They’re going to be parents. Whether they want to believe it or not, she’s very happy for them both… That’s all. She leaves, and Molly and TJ look like a couple of idiots.

Dante tells Chase, while Cody isn’t innocent, he had to break some rules to break out Sasha. He’s not as guilty as the charges would imply. Sam says, it’s just a matter of getting evidenced to prove it, and Chase says he never would have thought Gladys would do something like that to Sasha. He thanks Cody for figuring it out, and Sam says, they’re all grateful for that. Chase says, Sasha’s a friend, so if there’s anything he can do to help take down the doctor, and prove Cody and Sasha’s innocence, just ask. Cody says, his part’s done. Whatever happens next is up to Sasha.

Gladys says she was packing to go search for Sasha, and Sasha says, really? Gladys says she’d go to the ends of the earth for Sasha, and Sasha asks if that’s where she was going. Or where was she planning to look? Gladys says she thought she’d check out where Cody came from originally, the Finger Lakes region, right? Maybe he had an accomplice. Sasha says, Cody didn’t have an accomplice, but Gladys did.

Trina asks Josslyn, what is with Spencer? She couldn’t get rid of him before and now he’s late? Josslyn says, Spencer will be here. He wouldn’t miss this for anything. Isn’t she excited? Trina says, of course (🍷). She’s a little nervous, which is to be expected. Josslyn says, it is, and Trina says she doesn’t want to back out. She and Spencer are ready to move to the next step and she really wants to explore New York with him. Did she tell Josslyn that he got them third row center seats to Moulin Rouge? Josslyn says, once or twice, when Trina’s phone rings. Trina says, finally, and asks where Spencer is. He says he’s still at his grandmother’s, and she asks what he’s doing there? She thought he said they had to… He says, they can’t go, and she says, why not? He says, Ace’s daycare called and one of the kids has chicken pox. He guesses Ace was exposed and now there’s a chance that he has it. He’s really sorry. He can’t leave Ace right now.

Eddie writes down some lyrics, picks up his guitar, and sings about the siren of the sea. Olivia comes in and says she hopes she’s not intruding. He tells her, no. Come on in. He’s just doing a sound check. She says she’s sorry; she didn’t want to crowd him. She knows there’s a technical side where he has to work out the kinks. He says, truth. Plus, he’d rather she be there for the full effect on stage in front of the audience. She says she can’t wait. He really isn’t nervous at all, is he? He says, a little bit, but that’s only natural. This is in his blood. It’s what he lives for. She says, it really is, isn’t it? She just came to wish him good luck. She brought him a gift. She holds up a bandana, and he says, dinosaurs. She says, Leo wanted him to have it. He said, tell Eddie to rock the house. Eddie moves closer, taking the bandana, and it looks like they’re about to kiss, but it turns into a hug. He says, it’s such a nice gift, and thanks her for coming back to give it to him. She pushes him back, and he says, what’s wrong? She says she just wanted to wish him good luck, or break a leg, or whatever it is they say. He says, with Leo’s bandana and her great mojo, he’s bound to be a hit. She says she knows he will be, and awkwardly walks backward to the door. She says she can’t wait to hear that song. She hopes he finishes it, and they find out who that siren of the sea really is. She leaves, and he looks at the bandana.

On the phone, Dante says he needs a records check on a Dr. Damon Montague… Priors, prescription history, all that kind of stuff… That’s right. That’s the name. Scotty comes in and tells him, hang up. Dante says, thank you. That’d be great. As soon as they can. He asks what he can do for Scotty, and Scotty says he’s here to see his client, Cody Bell.

Cody asks how Sasha’s doing, and Sam says, she was strong. She was ready to face Gladys. He says he should have never left her alone, but Sam says, she was determined to see this through. She wanted to go with Sasha, but Sasha refused. If she didn’t think Sasha was strong enough to handle this by herself, she would have insisted on going with her. He says he can’t help it. Gladys is dangerous. She’s been able to manipulate Sasha in the past. What if she does it again?

Gladys asks what Sasha is talking about; what accomplice? Sasha says, Dr. Montague, and Gladys says, she must be confused. The court appointed the doctor. It’s perfectly understandable after everything Sasha’s been through. She gets it. Why doesn’t Sasha sit down and she’ll make some tea? Sasha says she doesn’t want tea, and she’s not confused anymore. She knows exactly what Gladys did. Gladys says, all she’s ever done is… Sasha says, steal from her. Gladys used her position as Sasha’s guardian to drain her bank accounts. Gladys sold Brando’s garage behind her back. Her own son’s blood and sweat, and she treated it like it was nothing. Gladys says she told Sasha… and Sasha says, you stop talking right now. She knows everything. Everything that’s happened to her is because Gladys was worried she’d lose her meal ticket. So when she wanted to end the guardianship, when she wanted to get control of her life, Gladys panicked. She might discover everything Gladys stole from her, so she got Dr. Montague to help her cover it up. That’s why he prescribed her those pills; pills that interfered with the medication she was already taking. She started hallucinating. She was paranoid and scared. Gladys drove her to insanity and made her life a nightmare. And you know what the worst part is? She cries and says she actually thought Gladys loved her. How could Gladys do something like this? How could Gladys betray her at her lowest point when she trusted Gladys with her entire life?

Chase hugs Brook and Blaze, and says, it’s great to see Blaze. She says, he’s going to be seeing a lot more of her, and Brook says, Blaze just signed with her. Blaze is her kick-off artist. He says, congratulations to both of them. He can see this. It’s a great partnership in the making. Olivia runs over and says she’s got to borrow her stepdaughter for a minute. They leave, and Brook asks Olivia, what’s wrong? Something wrong with Eddie? Olivia says, Eddie’s fine. She just made a complete fool of herself. Brook asks, what happened? and Olivia says she went into the green room and gave Eddie the bandana Leo wanted him to have. He was saying thank you to her and pulled her in close. She thought he was trying to kiss her, but he just wanted to give her a hug. Then she started babbling about break a leg and made a complete idiot of herself. Brook says, just calm down. What’s the problem? Olivia says, she wanted to kiss Eddie Maine. She feels so guilty. It’s like she almost cheated on her husband. Brook says, she means with her husband? but Olivia says she doesn’t know what she means anymore. She puts her palms together in prayer and looks up.

Willow says, Michael can stop checking on her; she’s fine. Better than fine. He says he just can’t take his eyes off her. She’s too beautiful. He tells her, look over there, and she says, oh my God. It’s Tracy.

N’neka asks what she can get Tracy, and Tracy says, scotch, rocks, make it a double please.

Blaze nearly runs into Kristina, who says, they meet again. Blaze says she’s here with Brook. Brook’s her new manager. Kristina says, that’s fantastic. Congratulations. So that’s what they were so hush-hush about at Charlie’s. Blaze says, Kristina cracked the case. What about her? Does she have a boyfriend? Kristina says, God no. She’s here with her brother and his wife. They have two kids, so they don’t get a lot of alone time. She’s just giving them their space. Blaze says, Brook’s boyfriend just got here, so she’s sort of a third wheel with them too, and Kristina says, sounds like they should stick together.

Marshall takes the mic and asks for everyone’s attention. There’s a bunch of cheering and he thanks them all for coming. He says, they have a lot to celebrate tonight, but first, he wants to send a shout out to his son Curtis. Curtis Ashford, in the house. Everyone whoops and applauds, and Marshall says he knows they all miss seeing Curtis around here, and many of them have come at his specific invitation. Not only did he invite them to the greatest party this side of Port Charles – that’s every night except Tuesdays, private parties, see N’neka. That’s a commercial, but seriously, tonight The Savoy is so pleased to bring them a very special performer. And rumor has it he might even debut a new song. So without further ado, de-bop-shu-bop-shebang (or something like that), let’s give it up for Eddie Maine. There’s applause and cheering, and Eddie says, hello, Port Charles. He missed them. Are they ready for Eddie? Let’s do it. There’s more cheering and he begins to play.

Trina tells Josslyn, obviously, Spencer needs to stay. If Ace comes down with chicken pox, he could never forgive himself for leaving. Josslyn says, it’s totally understandable, and Trina says, besides, she has plenty to do this weekend. She should really do another draft of her essay for her arts seminar and she knows Ava could always use extra hands around the gallery. Josslyn says, Trina knows she doesn’t always have to make the best of everything, right? Yeah, it’s a weekend canceled; it’s not a tragedy. But it’s for sure a letdown and it’s okay to be disappointed. Trina says, even pissed off, and Josslyn says, even throw things. Trina says, like this, tossing a pillow at Josslyn, and Josslyn says, that’s not exactly what she had in mind. Then again, Trina was always more levelheaded. Trina says she was just really looking forward to it though, and Josslyn hugs her, saying, she’s sorry.

Spencer asks if there’s any sign of a fever, but Esme says, he actually seems fine. He’s sound asleep. He says he’s going to take his stuff upstairs and thinks one of them should stay with Ace just in case. They can alternate shifts. Her phone dings, and she says, wait. She just got another text from the daycare.

Dante asks if Cody called Scotty to come down and represent him, but Scotty says he always represents Cody. He got a tip they hauled Cody in and he didn’t get a call from him, so he figured they didn’t give Cody his call, which as Dante knows, due process. Dante says, there’s a lot of phones here. Cody could have used any one of them to call Scotty. Scotty says, yeah, but if Dante denied him the right to counsel, that’s grounds for a heavy lawsuit there. Dante says, almost hefty even. Why doesn’t Scotty come into the interrogation room and talk to his client? Dante tells Cody, his lawyer’s here, and Scotty says, why didn’t Dante tell him that Cody was here?

Gladys says, Sasha’s got it all wrong. Cody filled her head with lies. He twisted everything around. That is not… Sasha asks, how many times did Gladys remind her to take those pills Dr. Montague gave her? And when she started spiraling, did Gladys even think twice? Did she have a moment of remorse? Or was she just so worried that she would find out what Gladys stole, that her falling apart was a relief? Gladys says she was never relieved, and Sasha asks if Gladys has any idea what she put her through. When she was at Ferncliff, Dr. Montague injected her with drugs. He kept her delirious and barely conscious. She couldn’t fight him. When she and Cody escaped, they found an unmarked bottle of pills in Montague’s jacket pocket. She thinks he was going to stage an OD. He was going to make it seem like she’d bought drugs and took too many. Did Gladys know that? Did she know Montague was going to kill her? Was it part of her plans? Gladys says, never. She never wanted him to hurt Sasha. She did everything she could to stop him.

Eddie finishes playing and there’s much applause. Michael says, it’s nice for Tracy to show up for her son’s debut. So what did she think? Tracy says she thinks Michael should mind his own business and go back to his wife, but he says, don’t be that way. It’s a nice night. The family’s here to support Eddie. The least she could do is get in the spirit of things. She says she’s here, isn’t she? And speaking of spirit, why doesn’t he make himself useful and get her another drink; scotch/rocks. He takes her glass and says, with pleasure.

Eddie says he’s sure everyone will recognize this next one because it was originally recorded by the King, Mr. Elvis Presley. We don’t see the song because, commercial. Eddie says, this next one is for someone very special, someone who has helped him find his way back to the stage. She certainly has his back, and she’s the best friend any guy could ask for – Olivia Quartermaine. Marshall says, play the new song, and Eddie says, Marshall’s right. He’s working on a new song, but he hasn’t finished it yet. He doesn’t think everyone wants to hear a tune that’s half-baked, so instead, he’s going to play an Idle Rich classic from his old Eddie Maine days. Are they ready? The audience cheers and Tracy is almost smiling. Eddie plays I’m All the Man You’ll Ever Need. He’s actually pretty good. The crowd responds enthusiastically and Tracy smiles.

There’s a knock at the dorm room door, and Trina wonders if Josslyn forgot her key again. She opens the door and it’s Spencer. He tells her that he booked them on another flight; their car’s waiting. It was a false alarm. The daycare texted again and said it was just poison oak. Ace was never exposed to chicken pox at all. She says, really? and he picks her up, spinning her around.

Scotty tells Cody that he has the perfect defense. Sasha has a history of violence. She attacked the reporter; she stabbed Cody. They’ll just say she kidnapped him. Cody says, no and no. He appreciates what Scotty is trying to do. He wasn’t kidnapped. He broke out of Ferncliff and he took Sasha with him. Scotty says, quiet. There’s a copper here. (Ha-ha! I love how Scotty talks like he’s in a detective movie from the 1940s.) Dante says he didn’t hear anything. Did Sam hear anything? She says, not a thing, and Dante says, they’ll leave the two of them alone. They can talk about anything they want. Cody says, that’s not really necessary, but Dante says he has to. If he doesn’t give Cody the benefit of counsel, it could result in a real hefty lawsuit. Dante and Sam leave, as Cody wails for them to come back. He says, hi, Scotty.

In the squad room, Dante says, the amount of times Cody’s pissed him off, he’s never once wished Scotty on him, but Sam says she thinks he can handle Scotty. She’s more worried about Sasha being able to handle Gladys.

Gladys says she swears she didn’t know what Montague was doing to Sasha. She never would have gone along with it. Sasha’s voice gets louder as she  talks. She asks how she can believe anything Gladys says. Gladys stole from her. Gladys lied to her; undermined Sasha’s belief in her own recovery and her sanity. Gladys claimed she loved her. She drove Sasha and Brando home from the hospital the day Liam died. Gladys is supposed to be her family. Gladys says she didn’t mean for any of this… Okay, she had a problem, a losing streak. She got in over her head. She was going to pay all the money back, but she kept losing, and she didn’t want Sasha to find out she was borrowing from her. She didn’t want Sasha to hate her. She just needed the guardianship to go on for a little bit longer. It was that Montague. He’s the one who gave Sasha those pills. And he never told Gladys what they would do to her… and she never asked. She cries and says she didn’t mean for any of this to happen. She’s so, so sorry. She’s so sorry. Sasha says, then prove it. Confess. Go to the police station and tell them everything that she did, and testify against Dr. Montague so he can never do to anyone else what he did to her. Gladys looks stricken.

Text next to a photo says: In Loving Memory Craig Sjodin 1955-1923 (See below.)

Tomorrow, Cyrus says he hopes someone’s come to give him good news; Jordan tells the warden that she wants an investigation into who was on duty during the attack; Carly wonders if there will be complications at this stage; and Cody attacks Montague.

📸 Who Craig Is…

Wow. It sucks that he just retired.

https://www.soapoperanews.net/2023/09/craig-sjodin-dies-at-67.html

🎢 Revolving Mollys…

Why do they continue to play with my head with this Molly business? No explanation either.

https://www.soapoperanews.net/2023/09/kristen-vaganos-is-new-molly-on-general.html

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Real Housewives of Orange County

Just to clarify, I do make fun of Heather, calling her Fancy Pants, and I think her delivery sucks, but I don’t think she’s malicious. Tamra on the other hand…

Shannon goes to a chiropractor, and in her interview, she says, it wouldn’t be a trip to Mexico without an injury. Emily meets her there and in Emily’s interview, she says, the trip to Mexico was physically exhausting, especially diving 30 feet. She’s happy to get some relief. Emily tells Shannon that she talked to Gina, who was really hurt, and we flash back to Gina saying Heather Fancy Pants was talking behind her back. Emily says, Gina feels she puts in effort, but gets pushed away. Gina goes shopping with Tamra and Jenn for Halloween party costumes. In Gina’s interview, she says, Halloween is her favorite holiday ever. She’s having a party and was inspired by the Cirque du Soliel performance. Her bunch of friends are clowns, so she figured total freak show would be apropos.

Heather’s dogs! In Fancy Pants’ interview, she says, thank goodness Josh and Heather Altman found them a rental. They’re pretty dug into the OC. She complains to Terry about getting dogged in Mexico, and we see the screen split a million ways, each frame showing one of the women yapping at Fancy Pants. Except for the one in the middle of a dog humping a pillow. One of these things is not like the others. Tamra swears she would never call Gina a loser, and in her interview, Gina says, Tamra doesn’t lie. She saves information and reveals it at the least opportune moment for you. Fancy Pants tells Terry that they’re all scared of Tamra, and he says, now the head cheerleader came back. Emily tells Shannon that she thinks Fancy Pants is kind and generous, but she saw another side during the trip. In Emily’s interview, she says, Tamra admits what she says and apologizes. She thinks Fancy Pants would rather shovel sh*t than apologize for anything. Shannon says, Emily needs to have a long, in-depth conversation with Fancy Pants. In Shannon’s interview, she says she’d like to see Fancy Pants accept responsibility. Jenn says she feels like Fancy Pants is protecting her image, and Tamra says, instead of accusing her of saying things about everyone, why wouldn’t Fancy Pants say something to her? In Tamra’s interview, she says, Fancy Pants turned this around and wants to destroy people, and Fancy Pants isn’t destroying her. Fancy Pants gets a text from Gina saying she’d like to sit down and talk about what happened. In Fancy Pants’ interview, she says she values Gina’s friendship, but if Gina can’t see where she’s coming from, it’s bullsh*t. In Gina’s interview, she says she’s been a good friend, but if Fancy Pants won’t admit the things she’s said, take responsibility, and apologize, there’s no moving forward.

In Tamra’s interview, she says, Amare magazine reached out to her, and asked if she’d like to be on the cover featuring the Women of the Year. She and Eddie started a company called Vena CBD, and it’s turned into a multimillion dollar business. Of course it did. Because the wrong people always get the money. She says she’s tooting her own horn, and I wonder, when does she not? Having access to so much CBD, you’d think she’d be calmer or at least not screech all the time. She says, her dad ran his own business, and she always wanted to own her own business. She gets all teary and says, but she didn’t go to college, since she was raising kids. She thought the money would just pour in and she’d be successful, but it doesn’t work like that. Wow. It took her this long to figure that out? You’d think that’s one thing she would have learned by not going to college. She says she feels lucky, and photos are taken of the group of chosen women, all wearing white. In her interview, Tamra says, in the next two years, they intend to sell Vena CBD, and come up with another business. With all the lack of sex she has, she was thinking sex toys. Cannabis and sex toys. Is there anything better than that? I could probably think of some things, but it’s not worth the effort considering who’s asking the question.

Jenn makes a spaghetti casserole, and in her interview, she says she has three dishes: taco salad, spaghetti, and chili. Otherwise, it’s Door Dash. She tells Ryan about all the fun stuff they did in Mexico, and then adds the lunch from hell. She says she needs to know for a fact that nothing else happened. In Jenn’s interview, she says she felt like Tamra was sitting on information she didn’t know about. We flash back to Tamra telling Jenn that she knows things, but she’s not saying anything. If there was something else, there’s no staying together. Ryan says, it was one night, a year and a half ago, and he was doing what single guys do. They haven’t spoken a word in a year. They were talking about moving to the next step, and Jenn hitches her wagon to Tamra, who pulls her in reverse. They’re forging a path, merging their kids, and talking about marriage. In her interview, Jenn says, her fear is that Ryan wakes up one day, realizes this isn’t what he wants, and all those things come to fruition. She knows he loves her, but just hopes he can hold up his end. Jenn tells Ryan that she has an appointment with an attorney. She just has to bring in the retainer and they’ll be good to go. He says he can give her the money, but she says, no, and in her interview, she says, it never crossed mind to understand finances. There’s power in being able take care of yourself, and she has to figure this out on her own. She lists all of her faults, and asks if he’s crazy. He says, crazy for her. Just her. Aww. I guess we’ll see.

John and Shannon go out to eat, and John asks about her meeting with Fancy Pants. Shannon says, Fancy Pants always has an explanation, and we flash back to Fancy Pants saying, the only things she said about John and Shannon’s relationship were things already known by the group. Shannon says, there’s no hope for repairing the friendship if Fancy Pants continues to blame others for her wrongdoing. Tamra told her that Fancy Pants claimed she wasn’t all-in, when she’s told them that she and John are happy where they are right now. The waiter brings Shannon’s watermelon salad and my God does she take a big bite. She tries to get John to take a bite, but he doesn’t want it. She stops short of asking him to do it for her. She says, when she was in Mexico, she was stressed about the kids applying to college. She’s going to lose it when they go. In Shannon’s interview, she says, all the kids will be away and she doesn’t want to live alone. John says, they’ll be visiting, and he thinks it will be an exciting new time for them; just them spending time together and relaxing. It’s overdue. In her interview, Shannon says she and John have a history of bickering and arguing. It’s given her pause, and she wants to make sure they can fix that before going forward. John says, they’ll get through this trial together, and she says, loses kids, gets John. Yep, he’s a real prize.

Shannon arrives at Tamra’s house, and in her interview, Shannon says she never thought she’d be dealing with people’s sh*t, but she needs to develop products to earn money for her kids’ college. Jenn is going to be patient one for the Sitolonic, an at home colonic. When Jenn gets there, they discuss pooping, and Tamra says she goes seven times a day. In Jenn’s interview, she says – let’s say it all together – she knew Tamra was full of sh*t. They move on to talking about Fancy Pants, and Jenn says, the bus ride back was weird. Fancy Pants kept grabbing her feet; she was obsessed with them. In her interview, Fancy Pants says, Jenn’s feet are like model feet, and in Emily’s interview, she says, maybe Fancy Pants has a fetish. She didn’t think Fancy Pants knew who Jenn was. Jenn says she and Taylor were in their room, when Fancy Pants wanted to hang with them. She went to her room to get her soup and said she was coming back, but never did. Shannon sets up the colonic, and it looks like a real project. Tamra announces, it was a win, and I just think, ugh. Why?

Gina and Fancy Pants meet for coffee, and Gina orders champagne for Fancy Pants before she gets there, which is actually pretty nice. Fancy Pants arrives, and Gina says, it’s obvious she’s upset; Gina is too. Fancy Pants says, Gina’s the one who called, so why is she upset? Gina says she values their friendship and feels like she’s been there for Fancy Pants, but Fancy Pants says, it’s hard to believe, since Gina is so quick to believe Tamra. Gina says, Fancy Pants can understand why she’d want the loser thing explained, and Fancy Pants pulls out her phone, putting on a recording of Tamra and Teddi’s podcast, where it seems Tamra is the one who used the L-word. In Gina’s interview, she says, if Fancy Pants is her friend, she should tell her these things. It was probably a joke, but once again, she and Emily are collateral damage in their bullsh*t. Gina says she cares about Fancy Pants, and Fancy Pants says, only reason she’s sitting here is because she cares about Gina. She probably wouldn’t have come if it had been anyone else. She was attacked for things she didn’t do, and thinks Emily is going to the Tamra School of Friendship. We flash back to Emily picking on Fancy Pants, and she says, everyone is scared of Tamra. She’s nasty and takes no accountability. In Fancy Pants’ interview, she says, Tamra is the root cause. Issue number one. We flash back to Tamra initiating the discussion about Fancy Pants’ IMDb. She says, issue number two, and we flash back to Tamra asking if Fancy Pants talked about Shannon and John’s relationship when they were at lunch with the group. She says, issue number three, and we flash back to Tamra screeching that Fancy Pants said they were losers. Fancy Pants says, Tamra has systematically taken her relationships and totally trashed them. Gina asks if Fancy Pants is coming to her party, but Fancy Pants says she doesn’t know. Gina says, she has to put Tamra in her place.

The party looks freaking impressive, pun intended. There are fire eaters, a guy on stilts, unicycles, a whole photo setup, and all kinds of circus accoutrements. Gina is a ringmaster, with Travis in a lion costume as her Mane Man. Emily is the Queen of Pop(corn) and Shane wears a shirt with a stick of butter one it. Taylor is cotton candy with husband John as a ringmaster. Eddie and Tamra are both evil clowns, and in Gina’s interview, she says, It’s an appropriate look for Tamra; like a Chucky doll. Jen is a cowardly lion to Ryan’s lion tamer with no shirt. Shannon is a fortune teller, and John is John in a Suit, although he has money coming out of his pockets and a top hat, so I guess he’s millionaire John in a suit. He and Shannon argue about him wearing the hat, and it’s like the watermelon salad all over again. In Emily’s interview, she says, Shannon’s costume looks like something she’d wear daily. Matt and girlfriend Britt arrive, and in Gina’s interview, she says, they’ve worked through their sh*t from the past, and they’ve never been better. We flash back to some low points, and Gina says, it’s a lot of weight off her shoulders. She tells Emily that she and Fancy Pants should talk it out. She feels like Emily’s been more aggressive than normal. Emily says, Fancy Pants called them losers, but Gina says, Fancy Pants shared a recording, and it was a comment Tamra made on her podcast. Emily says, Tamra’s been saying sh*t about her for years, and when confronted, she’s said she’s sorry. In Emily’s interview, she says she doesn’t understand. If Gina is making excuses for Fancy Pants, that’s their relationship. She won’t do it. Tamra says she’s not talking to Fancy Pants, and Gina says she thinks Fancy Pants is just being hypersensitive. Tamra says, Fancy Pants wants to blame everyone else. She gets information, she twists it – Tamra twirls around like the idiot she is – and presents it. In Tamra’s interview, she says, Gina is Heather-merized. She knows how Fancy Pants works. Fancy Pants and Terry arrive, dressed respectively as an acrobat with a hoop and event staff security.  

Terry asks where they’re starting, and Fancy Pants says, at the bar, as we all would. In her interview, she says she wanted to be a dolphin trainer, but there are no dolphins at the circus, so she’s an aerial act. In Emily’s interview, she says, Fancy Pants is a step up from a whale trainer. She’s an intergalactic fantasy nighttime whale trainer. In Tamra’s interview, she says, Fancy Pants is an ice queen, like her heart. Jen publicly pulls out a wedgy as I would do, and in Shannon’s interview, she says, it’s foggy looking at Fancy Pants’ future, since she doesn’t know if she has a future with her. Shannon and Tamra get all mushy with each other, and Shannon says she met with Fancy Pants.   She tells Tamra that Fancy Pants said, the head cheerleader was back (although it’s really Terry who said that), and Tamra says, Fancy Pants is intimidated. She proved that when they talked about their highs and lows in Montana. We flash back to Fancy Pants saying, being left out made her sad. In her interview, Shannon says, it’s not a competition. Maybe Fancy Pants thinks it is. She tells Tamra that she’s not letting Fancy Pants get in the middle of their friendship and they hug. In Tamra’s interview, she says, when she thought Shannon ghosted her, she was devastated. Fancy Pants won’t get in middle of them. John complains about having to carry his hat, and Taylor whines about Heather leaving her and Jenn. Fancy Pants just used them when she had nobody else. She babbles about her wealthy friends being down to earth, and in Gina’s interview, she says, Taylor is code red wasted, and talking endless loops of nonsense non-stop. She doesn’t know WTF Taylor is talking about any more. Gina tells Taylor, if she comes at Fancy Pants with anger, she might not get the result she wants. In Jenn’s interview, she says, Taylor is spinning in circles, eyes popping out. They’re at opposite ends of how they want to handle Fancy Pants. She feels like she’s dismissed with Fancy Pants, but perhaps that falls on her and she wants to tell Fancy Pants how she feels. Taylor and Jenn approach Fancy Pants, and Taylor says, they wanted to go dancing, but stayed behind to be supportive of Fancy Pants. Then she went to get chicken soup and never came back. Taylor’s stepdaughter lives in Tulum and was waiting for them. Fancy Pants says she slurped her soup, sat down for one second, and fell out. Taylor says, why not text them? and Fancy Pants says, why didn’t they knock on her door? She fell asleep. This really insults Taylor, who says, when Fancy Pants laid down, she should have thought to text. My mind wanders and I wonder what this party cost.

In Fancy Pants interview, she does a spot on impression of Taylor prattling on. We didn’t go dancing because you went to get your soup and didn’t come back… And? Fancy Pants tells Jenn that she thinks Jenn is a great member of their friend group. She’s glad Tamra brought her in, but she doesn’t understand how Jenn puts up with Tamra’s bullsh*t. Jen says she’s trying to figure things out in the group, and Fancy Pants says she’s enjoyed what little time they’ve spent together. Jenn says, same here, and Tamra talks smack about Fancy Pants, watching her from across the room. Fancy Pants apologizes to Jenn for falling asleep, and Jenn says, that’s all she wanted here. In Jenn’s interview, she says, if she walked in and all she heard about the new person was their boyfriend’s past, she wouldn’t have any interest either. She can’t wait to get to know Fancy Pants outside of the boyfriend drama. Taylor says, her friends who are billionaires are not pretentious. Emily says, Fancy Pants called them losers, and Fancy Pants tries once again to tell her that she was talking about Noella. She says, when they were in Montana, Tamra maligned Emily’s career, saying she’s not a lawyer. We flash back to Tamra saying, Emily told her that she’s a party planner. She’s clearly not done a trial in a year. Tamra looks over, and Taylor says, Fancy Pants thinks she’s better than them. Emily says, her intent isn’t to hurt Fancy Pants’ feelings. She knows she has rough edges. She and her sister threw digs at each other their entire life. It’s how they got through growing up, but it hurt to be called a loser. In Emily’s interview, she says she has an amazing life, but deep inside she carries hurt with her, and when she feels someone is attacking her or integrity, it’s like a physical reaction. She can’t control it. Fancy Pants says she loves Emily and her family. She felt like she was left high and dry, but she wants to move past it. If she gets offended, she’ll tell Emily. Gina comes over, carrying her whip, and asks if she’s going to need it. Across the room, Tamra says she’s boiling, and in her interview, she says, Fancy Pants is rallying the troops. She’s taking each girl and talking sh*t about Tamra. Fancy Pants got caught in her own sh*t, and is trying to turn everyone against her. She seems all nice, but behind the scenes, Fancy Pants is the worst villain of them all. She wanders over, and Fancy Pants goes to the bar. Emily says, Fancy Pants told her that Tamra said she’s not really an attorney, but a party planner. Tamra insists she didn’t say that, and hunts Fancy Pants down. She asks if Fancy Pants is kidding her, but Fancy Pants says she doesn’t want to do this. Tamra has her own version of the truth. Gina tells Emily, poor Terry, and Fancy Pants says she doesn’t like Tamra’s nonsense and spinning things. Tamra keeps repeating, what am I spinning? getting in Fancy Pants’ face. Terry asks Gina and Emily to go help his wife, but Gina says she thinks his wife is very capable of handling herself. Fancy Pants says she played Tamra’s podcast for Gina, where Tamra said they were losers. Tamra says she was mocking Fancy Pants, and Fancy Pants says, Tamra is laboring under the misconception she gives a sh*t. Tamra says she doesn’t give a sh*t either, and Fancy Pants suggest they wrap this up then. As she walks away, Tamra says, goodbye, bitch, kind of like, you can’t fire me, I quit.

Gina says she can’t take this sh*t, and Tamra says, Fancy Pants is a liar. Emily asks Tamra about the podcast, and we hear it again. Gina says she wants a group pic, even if it’s an uncomfortable, really awkward family photo. What family isn’t f***ed up? In Gina’s interview, she says, it’s like when you force kids to take a family photo and it’s been the worst day. Just smile and take the picture. I want the f***ing memory. They take the photo, and Shannon tells Gina that she did a phenomenal job.

In Jen’s interview, she says she’s lived her life pleasing other people. Being in this group makes her want to be more powerful and have more of a voice. Ryan says he loves her, and in the text – because it’s the finale, thank God – it says, Jenn has paid the attorney, and is now taking the biggest gamble, moving in with Ryan.

In Shannon’s interview, she says, when she met John, he said he was her future, but she still doesn’t know. They have some hurdles to jump, but she thinks they’re small. The text says, shortly after filming, Shannon and John broke up… or did they? Shannon denies the rumors.

In Gina’s interview, she says she feels like she’s made progress in her personal life. She tells Travis that she wants to get married like this, and he asks if he has to wear a lion costume. I literally lol. She tells him, it’s the best party ever, and the text says, Gina and Travis are both real estate agents and have added to the family – a dog named Meatball.

Emily thanks Shane for being a good husband, which he corrects to great. He says, it’s hard to take her seriously when she’s dressed like popcorn, and in her interview, she says she wants to be a better person, mom, wife, and friend. Her take away from Fancy Pants and Shannon is that she’s learned about herself. Growth is always good. The text tells us that Annabelle’s modeling career took off. Emily wants Annabelle to be a star so she can retire. She went to Fancy Pants’ birthday party, and there was no sand in the salad.

In her interview, Fancy Pants says, not only does she need to figure out who wants to be friends with her; she needs to figure out who she wants to be friends with. She doesn’t understand Tamra. If she’s looking to be top dog, it’s hers. The text says, she and Terry are looking for their next dream house, assisted by Nicky who’s being mentored by Josh Altman. The HD Network is also growing.

In Tamra’s interview, she says, she thinks Fancy Pants knows she’s not buying into her bullsh*t. The truth always comes out. The text says, Tamra has become closer to John and Shannon. She’s getting her ducks in a row, and Fancy Pants can f*** one.

As the party ends, Gina says, welcome to the freak show… sh*tshow really.

Next week, the Reunion, which looks like the SOS. Gina says she doesn’t know if she can continue to do this. Run. Before it swallows you like it’s doing to Emily.

🥾 Hitting the Trail…

Join me tomorrow for soap and some not always charming Charm. Until then stay safe, stay never correcting someone’s grammar in public, and stay remembering that the truth always comes out.