What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

GH was preempted for the insanity going on at the Capital. For once, I can agree it was something people needed to see. I don’t talk politics almost ever, but it was awful, embarrassing to our country, and frankly, kind of frightening. Still, the soap must go on if I can find it.

General Hospital

Obrecht waits for the elevator. Anna sees her from behind, and says she’s looking for Dante. She wonders if the doctor has seen him. She was told he was on this floor. Obrecht ignores her, and Anna says, wait. Do I know you?

At the MetroCourt, Maxie tells Peter, she’s proud of Robert for not choking on his disapproval. She asks if Peter thinks Robert is going to show, and Peter says, for her, yes; for him, no. She says while she’s excited for the double wedding, especially since it’s Anna and Finn, there are some things she didn’t think of. Like the shared guest list. She looks over at Elizabeth and Franco at another table.

Franco asks if Elizabeth is having a good time, and she says she always has a good time with him. He says they have to do date night while they can, and she says they have good reason to believe the tumor isn’t causing his issues, so they can treat it aggressively. He says the tumor is probably treatable, but Peter is still in his head. He really doesn’t know what to do about that.

Doc and Britt look in on Ryan, and Britt tells Doc, she trusts the diagnosis; Lucas knows his stuff. She’ll leave the legal aspects to the lawyers. All she knows is, General Hospital did their part. What happens to Ryan next is out of their hands.

Nikolas brings in some boxes from the back of Charlie’s and tells Ava, they’re almost finished. Ava says he can go home, but he says he’s not going without her. She says, it’s not his job to help her clean up the remnants of her brother’s life. She doesn’t even want him to. God knows what Julian left behind. He says, that’s exactly his point. She’s not facing any unwanted surprises on her own. She asks if that’s really why he’s staying, and he asks, why else? She says, maybe to prove to Alexis, or her, that their marriage is conventional. He says their marriage is anything but conventional. That doesn’t mean it isn’t real. She asks who was on the phone, and he says, his mother; she’s on her way over. Ava asks if everything is all right, and he says he thinks so. She didn’t say much. Only that it was a family matter.

Valentin finds Martin at the MetroCourt bar. He says he has some billable hours for Martin. He needs to hire a private investigator. Someone dependable and discreet, although he thinks that goes with the job. Jax is acting suspiciously. He says he cares about Nina, but he’s up to something, and Valentin wants to know what it is. Martin tells him, keep his money. Right now he could care less about Valentin’s obsessive and ridiculous hijinks. Valentin asks if he has something better to do, and Martin says, damn right he does. He has to rescue his mother.

Jordan looks at the PCPD files from the victims of the bombing. Cyrus walks in and says it’s good to see their esteemed Commissioner back in action. She takes out a gun, and shoots him. Sorry. I made that up. It’s been a long day. She asks what he wants, and he says, Jason Morgan, and he expects her to deliver.

Ava looks at a paper, and Nikolas asks what it is. She says, it’s a letter from Julian’s lawyer. He named her executor of his estate. He says, it’s not surprising, and she says, but it’s jarring. She supposes Charlie’s will be the big ticket item. Laura comes in, and says she heard about Julian. She’s sorry for Ava’s loss. Ava says she appreciates it, and Nikolas asks, what’s going on? It’s not Lulu, is it? Laura says, her condition is the same. She wanted to let him know about some new additions to the family. It’s going to be a  shock. She has a couple of half brothers she didn’t know about. He says, who are they? Where are they? She says, they’re in Port Charles. They’re Martin Grey and Cyrus Renault.

Cyrus tells Jordan, it’s time to prove her worth. She says, by dealing with Jason? and he says she’s up to the task, isn’t she? She ought to be refreshed after her treatment and convalescence.  She says she’s back in fighting form, and he says, good. Jason has overstepped, and he needs her to reel him in. She asks what Jason did, and he says Jason kidnapped his mother.

Anna introduces herself to Obrecht’s back, and says she’s a patient there sometimes. Have they met? Using a fake accent, Obrecht says, sorry; she’s very busy. Dante calls to Anna, and she says she was looking for him. She just asked this doctor to track him down. He says, what doctor? and Anna turns around to find Obrecht gone. Anna says, she was just there, and Dante asks if something’s wrong. She says, there’s just something about that woman. She seemed familiar.

Peter tells Maxie, he didn’t know there was history there, but she says, that’s all it is; history. Their wedding is going to be great. He says, it’s going to be perfect. He would have done anything to arrive at this moment with her. Anything to have her love him, with their child on the way, and Georgie and James as big siblings. It’s truly been worth anything to have this life with her. She says, all he had to do is trust himself, and get out of his own way. He says, and love her. She says, especially that. With love, anything is possible. Hasn’t she been telling him that?

Elizabeth asks if they can talk about something else, and Franco says they can talk about how much he loves her. She says she loves him too. He looks at Peter and Maxie, and says they don’t have to go to the wedding. It’s nice they were invited, but they won’t be missed. Maxie gets up, and Elizabeth says, not an option. She excuses herself, and follows Maxie.

Obrecht gets out of the elevator, and walks smack into Britt, causing her to drop a bunch of folders. Obrecht stands there, and Britt tells her to help clean it up. She won’t tolerate rudeness from her staff. She gets enough lip from the nurses. She doesn’t need it from the doctors too. Obrecht picks up the folders, hands them to Britt, and says, late for surgery. She starts to walk away, and Britt says, hold up. There’s nothing scheduled for the OR, and she recognizes that perfume. Obrecht says, it’s very common, and Britt says she’s only known one person who wears it. She pulls down Obrecht’s mask, and says, her mother. She asks what Obrecht is doing there, and Obrecht tells her to keep her voice down. Britt says she’s supposed to be in Steinmaur behind bars, and Obrecht says, Britt is supposed to be loyal to the woman who gave her life, but daughters have a way of falling short of expectations. She puts her mask back on, and Britt says, so do mothers. She’s calling security. Obrecht says, no, and hands her a paper. She says it’s an official notice from the WSB, asserting her innocence and release. She was cleared of all charges from the WSB. And an apology. Britt says, this is real? and Obrecht says it is. If Britt offers her an apology, she’ll refrain from saying I told you so.

Dante asks how Anna found him, and she says, luck. She had an appointment with Doc, and was told she could find him there. She asks if there’s any word on Sonny, but he says, no. The Coast Guard and Harbor Patrol are still searching the Hackensack River and North Bay. Sonny’s odds probably aren’t that good, but he saw Carly, and there’s no scenario in her mind where Sonny doesn’t come back to her in one piece. Anna says, and he didn’t tell her any different? He says, it’s not his place to tell her to lose hope. He went along and agreed with her. She says, lying can be hard sometimes. No matter how good the liar or how well-intentioned the lie. He knows that as well as she does.

Jordan says Jason kidnapped Cyrus’s mother. That’s a shame. He asks if she’s making light of the situation, and she says, she would never. He says Jason stole his mother from her home in Vermont, where people care for her. He doesn’t know what she needs, or what medications she’s on. She’s probably so scared, she can’t see straight. Jordan assumes he spoke to Jason, and he says, and Sonny’s harpy of a wife. Neither of them will admit to anything. Surprise, surprise. She says, they gave him no indication of where she might be? and he says, what does she think? She says she thinks Vermont is way out of her jurisdiction. Nothing she can do from there. He says, wrong answer.

Martin says he has to go, but Valentin says, wait. Rescue his mother? Martin says, it may be a foreign concept to Valentin, but not all mothers eat their young. He loves her, and she’s in a lot of trouble, so forgive him if he doesn’t want to jump on Valentin’s I’ve-got-to-find-a-P.I. train right now. Valentin tells him to calm down, and says he’ll leave when Valentin is good and ready for him to leave. Martin asks when that will be, and Valentin says, when Martin gets a grasp on the nature of their relationship.

Nikolas says, this is insane, and Laura says, tell her about it. He says, she’s related to Cyrus? and she says they share a father. His name was Gordon Grey. Nikolas says, he’s known? Before he came to Port Charles? Laura says, before the bombing at The Floating Rib, and Nikolas says, he sent Julian anyway. She says, for what it’s worth (🍷), she doesn’t think Cyrus knew Lulu was in there. He says, in that case… and she says she’s not defending him. She intends to do everything in her power to bring him to justice. Ava says, it was monstrous, and Laura says she agrees, but Cyrus isn’t a monster. He’s a human being with wants, needs, and motives. The sooner they grasp what they are, the sooner they can stop him. Her phone rings, and it’s Doc, who asks where she is. She tells him, Charlie’s Pub with Ava and Nikolas; why? He asks if she can meet him at the hospital, and bring them with her. She asks, what’s going on? She listens, and says they’ll be there. She tells Ava and Nikolas that Doc wants them to meet him at General Hospital. It’s about Ryan.

Anna asks if Dante’s job hadn’t been infiltrating Sonny’s organization, and he says, look how well that turned out. He gave up undercover work a long time ago. She says, other than what he took from the Bureau taking down Raj. The leadership holds his skills in high regard. She’d be surprised if they didn’t want to keep him in the fold. He says he doesn’t think they have a lot of patience for head cases, and she laughs, saying, they’ve forgiven a lot worse. He wouldn’t have been released without a clean bill of health, mental or otherwise. He says, unless he snowed them, being a skilled liar. She says, it would have been quite a feat, including a WSB doctor. He guesses they’ll never find out. The doctor is dead, but that’s not news to her.

Obrecht and Britt go into an office, and Obrecht says Britt can call the WSB to confirm; they have a 1-800 number and everything. Britt says she’ll be hugely relieved if it’s true, and Obrecht says, it is. Britt says, what about the evidence? and Obrecht says, fabricated. Just like she said at the time of her arrest. If only Britt had believed her. Britt asks if Obrecht blames her, and Obrecht says, yes. She has no idea what it’s like to be wrongly accused and falsely imprisoned. It was torture. Britt says, so she’s not guilty of arranging a double would-be assassination, but why is she sneaking around the hospital with a mask on? If she’s innocent, why not shout it from the rooftops? Obrecht says, if the wrong people get wind of her presence, her mission will be jeopardized. Britt says, what mission? and Obrecht says, saving her life. Britt says, from Cyrus? and Obrecht asks, who’s Cyrus? Britt says, then who is she talking about? and Obrecht tells her, her treacherous brother Peter.

Franco brings Peter a beer, and says he hasn’t properly congratulated him. Peter holds out his hand, but Franco sits down, ignoring it. He says he thinks the way of thanking Peter for saving his life is not coming to the wedding. Peter asks if he didn’t already RSVP, but Franco says he can fake a migraine pretty easily. They both know Maxie doesn’t want him there. Peter says, it’s very thoughtful, but Maxie knows Finn wants Elizabeth to be there, and he wouldn’t mind having a friendly face himself. Meaning him. Franco thanks him, and says he knows what it’s like. At his wedding reception, everyone was there for the bride. Peter asks how long Franco has been in Port Charles, and Franco says, seven years. He doesn’t have many friends to show for it. There’s Ava, who recently tried to get Nikolas to sleep with Elizabeth, and Obrecht… Well, Peter knows. There’s Drew, but he died. Here’s hoping Peter has a better track record. They clink beer bottles.

Jordan says she’d help Cyrus if she could, but he asks, or would she lie about it? Like she did with Taggert. She says she’s sensing he has a complaint to lodge, and he says, February 18^th, 2020, 11:43 pm. She says, good memory, and he says, Taggert’s death pronouncement. So imagine his surprise to find that Taggert is currently cozied up in a cell downstairs. She doubts it was that much of a surprise. Considering before Taggert went to that cell, Cyrus tried to have him killed – again. He says she helped Taggert fake his death, and she says if he wanted her to do otherwise, he should have said so. He calls the shots right? He says, it doesn’t matter. Taggert is going to be charged with Perjury and obstruction of justice, while she’ll face immediate consequences of betrayal, unless she produces his mother. She says, he wants his mother back? Get her himself.

Doc talks to Anna, Nikolas, and Laura about Ryan’s condition. He says, it happens when a part of the brain called the pons is damaged because a blood clot has prevented blood flow to that part of the brain. Nikolas says, so it happened because of the stabbing, and Doc says, the pons is made up of nerve fibers that relay information to different parts of the brain. When it isn’t functioning properly, the patient suffers near complete paralysis. Ava says, so what he’s really telling them is, Ryan is a vegetable. Doc says, not quite. He can move his eyes, he can hear, he can think. he’s still Ryan, but he’s trapped.

Ava looks in on Ryan, sitting motionless in a chair.

Obrecht tells Britt, she thought Peter had changed. He hired her to work at The Invader. She made peace with Maxie and James. She should have known Peter was just lulling her into a false sense of security, preparing her for his death blow. Britt asks if she has proof, and Obrecht says, that’s what she came back to collect, but Peter can’t know she’s free, lest he cover his tracks and lay blame elsewhere. Britt says, like on her, and Obrecht says, it’s in the realm of possibilities. Peter is the worst of his father and Anna combined. Nathan would be alive today if it weren’t for his machinations. Britt says, that was Faison and she knows it. Peter really seems to love Maxie and the kids. Obrecht says, he just may, but them, and only them. Britt underestimates him at her own peril. Peter would  think nothing of sacrificing her if it meant giving up his picket fence life.

Dante says Anna came around asking questions about his mental state, but obviously the answers weren’t good enough, or she wouldn’t have come back for round two. She admits to digging into his case, but says she ran up against a wall. He says he can’t help her there, and she says, neither can his doctor. He says he doesn’t know anything about Kirk’s death, and she says forget what he knows. What does he think? What does his gut tell him? WSB employees don’t fall prey to random acts of violence, especially in Switzerland. He says he thought it was strange too, and she asks how he found out. Was Kirk still treating him, or were they in touch? He says he wasn’t Kirk’s only patient, but she says he’s the only one that matters to her. She cares about him, and doesn’t think he’s well. Her instincts are screaming that Kirk’s murder can’t be chalked up to a mugging gone wrong. She asks if he doesn’t want to know what happened, and he says, there’s nothing he can do about it. The only thing he can do is make sure Port Charles is safe for Rocco and all the other kids in the city. Can she say she’s doing the same thing?

Martin  tells Valentin, he might be used to his employees prostrating themselves when he shows a glimmer of dissatisfaction, but he’s not like Valentin’s other lackeys. There are certain things more important than money. Family is one of them. If Valentin could step outside himself for a second, if he could muster a shred of curiosity, a few words wondering about someone else’s well-being other than his own, he might be worthy of the loyalty he amasses with his checkbook. Valentin says, can he help? and Martin says, exactly. Valentin says, if Martin’s mother is in trouble, how can he help?

Cyrus says, what did Jordan just say to him? and she says, go find mommy yourself. I laaaugh. He says her flipping attitude is uncalled for, but she says she’s done doing his bidding. He says it’s not her choice, and she says she’s done protecting him and lying for him. He says he hopes she’s prepared to face the consequences, and she says, bring it on. Go tell everyone that she put him away using false evidence, because all the people she cares about have already heard it from her. Taggert is going to lie and say she had nothing to do with it. So goodbye leverage, she’s out of secrets. He asks if she thinks secrets are the only leverage he has, and she says no. He has bullets, and bombs, all the things he swore he wouldn’t use as long as she stayed in line, because he knew how desperate she was for peace. He knew how desperate she was not to lose her son, but guess what? She lost him anyway. Along with her husband, and all the other lives cut short. So no more. Never again. He says, they’re talking about a frail, innocent woman, and she says, TJ wasn’t frail, but he was innocent. Horrible, isn’t it? Knowing your family is in the hands of somebody who doesn’t care about them. The worst part is not knowing. Not knowing where they are, what they’re thinking, if they’re scared, or if they’re warm. And if they’re scared, if they’re calling out for you. If they’re wondering why you haven’t come for them yet, or if you ever will. It tears you up inside. She knows the feeling.

Laura says, Ryan isn’t going back to Pentenville, and Doc says, they don’t have the resources to care for an inmate with Ryan’s condition, but now that he’s not in control of his body, he’s been deemed low risk. Nikolas says, they’re letting him go, and Doc says, they’re moving him to a low security facility until a decision can be made about his long term care. Nikolas says, he doesn’t need care. He needs to be wheeled into heavily chummed waters. Laura says, Nikolas… and Nikolas walks away. Doc says he needs to circle back. Felicia needs to know. Laura says, of course (🍷), and he says, maybe Mac could have a talk with security about Ryan’s protocols. He starts to leave, but she grabs his arm, and asks if he’s okay. He says he is, and thanks her for coming. She says, always.

Ava tells Ryan she just heard the news. A vacant husk. Or not so vacant, they tell her. He can still think, he can still feel. She puts her hand over his, and asks if he can feel it. She leans in closer and says, how about this? He blinks, and she says, yes he can. Let’s level up shall we? She digs her nails into his hand.

Anna approaches Doc, and he asks how she’s doing. She says she’s good, and asks about him. He says, getting through it. He tells her that he should have followed up. Did she get what she needed from Faison’s DNA tests? She says she did, and thanks him. She wonders if he can help her with another matter. She promises it won’t put him in an ethically questionable position. He says, shoot, and she asks what he can tell her about Dr. Warren Kirk. Doc says, he’s a professional acquaintance. She asks if he knew, until recently, Kirk worked for the WSB, and he says, until recently? She says, he was murdered a few days ago. Doc says he didn’t know, and she asks what kind of work Kirk did. Doc says, he was a neuropsychiatrist; it’s a bit of a catch-all term. She says, a garden variety therapist? but he says, far from it.

Obrecht tells Britt, believe her or not, please don’t tell anyone she’s back in town. If she’s wrong, or her efforts yield no evidence, nothing will change. But if she’s right, Britt will have done her part to keep Peter from inflicting more heartbreak on Maxie and their beloved James. Britt asks if Obrecht stopped at the spa after she was released. She looks good. She’s the first person to leave Steinmaur looking better than she did when she went in. Obrecht laughs, and asks if Britt got bangs. Britt says she’s growing them out, but maybe she gave up on them too soon. What does Obrecht think? Obrecht makes a face, and Britt says she’s never short of an opinion. Obrecht says she’s more impressed with Britt’s professional advancement than her tutorial mishaps. She’s following in her mother’s footsteps. Britt says, hopefully not the getting fired part, and Obrecht says she’ll toast to Britt’s long and celebrated reign, assuming it’s not cut short by Peter or this Cyrus person. Tell her about him. And tell her where to find him.

Cyrus says, Jordan is relishing his misfortune, but she says, just enjoying a moment of respite. He says, it’s only a moment, but she doubts that. They both know she’s his last resort. He came to her for help, because his only other play is to take a hostage of his own. but Jason was a step ahead, and his people are under guard. He’s not going to snatch a Corinthos unless he wants to risk never seeing his mother again. She moves closer to him and says, the field is even, and she’s no longer wearing handcuffs.

Franco tells Peter, that settles it. He and Elizabeth will be at his wedding. He doesn’t think they have time to get a gift, but Peter says, just show up they’ll call it even. Franco says, for saving his life? and Peter says he just did what anyone would do. Franco says he’s got to stop doing that; dude, take the credit. If he went all action hero like that he wouldn’t let anyone forget it. Peter wishes he would. Franco says Peter has this on his side. He was barely conscious, so there’s only Peter’s account to consider. Mostly anyway. Peter says, mostly? and Franco says, maybe the rest of it will resurface before the treatment takes hold. Peter asks what he’s talking about, and Franco says, Drew’s memories. They’re coming back.

Britt tells Obrecht to focus on Peter. She can handle Cyrus. Obrecht says, so she has Britt’s word that she’ll keep her secret? Britt says, yes, but if she gets the slightest hint Obrecht is out to hurt Peter… Obrecht says she won’t. Britt makes sure the coast is clear, and Obrecht says, it’s truly so good see her. She missed Britt. Britt says she missed her too, and they hug.

Doc tells Anna, Dr. Kirk was a brilliant analyst, but dabbled in a host of disciplines related to neurology. She says, such as? and Doc says, he was developing a means of deep brain stimulation. It’s the idea that a certain tool or technique can alter brain function. She asks, for what purpose? and he says, to treat brain disease or disorders for starters. She says, it doesn’t sound like something the WSB would be interested in, but he says, it does if you know Kirk’s background in the military. Rumor is, he cut his teeth on CYOPS. She says, psychological warfare, and he says, indoctrination, auto-suggestion, which, if you ask him, falls under the rubric of conditioning.

Dante goes into the MetroCourt, and sits at a table, staring at Peter. Peter asks if Franco remembers the man he tried to stop from killing him, and Franco says, not exactly.  He tells Peter, don’t freak out, but he hears Peter’s voice in his head. Like, a lot. At first, a doctor told him it was the result of the tumor, but he saw another doctor who said it was probably the result of the memory transfer. Bits and pieces of Drew’s memories still in his brain, or maybe they never left. It’s really trippy. It’s not so much that he’s hearing is stuff he remembers, but it’s Drew’s memories. Maxie and Elizabeth come back, and Maxie asks if everything is okay. Peter says, everything is fine.

Laura tells Nikolas, promise her that he’ll steer clear of Cyrus and Ryan. She has enough on her plate with his sister. Don’t make her worry about him too. Please.

Nikolas tells Ava, they’re taking Ryan now. She walks over to him, and several guys come in to take Ryan. He asks, what was that? and she says, just a test to make sure the doctors got the diagnosis right. She stuck her nails in hard, and he didn’t flinch, so it’s true. Nikolas says, he has no control over his body, and she says, that, or he developed a masochistic streak. Ryan is taken away. At the elevator, he smiles ever so slightly.

Jordan’s office phone rings. She thanks them for the update, and says, don’t say anything. She’ll take care of it. She throws the folder from the bombing across the room.

Valentin tells Martin that he’s been insensitive, and Martin says, that’s one word for it. Valentin says he’d like to believe there’s an element to their relationship that’s beyond professional; a friend element. He’s disappointed that Martin didn’t think he could come to him first. He hopes Martin knows he can. Martin looks around like maybe Valentin is talking to someone else, and says, he appreciates it? Valentin asks if Martin’s mother is ill, or in financial trouble, but Martin says, she’s been kidnapped. Valentin says he didn’t see that coming, and Martin says, neither did he. Valentin asks, by whom? and Martin says, Jason Morgan, in retaliation for actions by his brother Cyrus. This help Valentin mentioned? He’s all ears.

Laura comes out of the elevator, and sees Cyrus. She says she’s made some inquiries, and he says he hopes they bore fruit. She says she doesn’t know where his mother is, but has reason to believe she’s safe. The best thing he can do is not escalate this. He says, that’s the best she can do? and she says, it’s all she can do. He says, that’s not good enough.

There was no preview for tomorrow. Technically, ABC is showing this in the U.S. tomorrow.

The Real Housewives of Orange County

Braunwyn explained AA chips to the kids, and Elizabeth had signed the final divorce papers. Shannon got organic headboards for Sophie and her roommate at Baylor. She didn’t want any toxicity, and had her tailor making Sophie’s bed-skirt. Sophie tried to explain that it was her dorm, and not Shannon’s. Sophie was leaving in nine days, and in her interview, Shannon said they lived in a privileged community, but the girls needed to know how to take care of themselves. It was time to let Sophie fly. Even though she was still teaching Sophie how to do laundry. I have no clue why doing laundry is so hard for these kids. You throw it in a washer. It’s not like you have to beat your clothes on a rock or something. Sophie told Shannon that she needed to learn her own lessons, and make her own mistakes.

Braunwyn said quarantine was effecting her marriage. It put everything under a microscope, and they were both miserable. Since she became sober, she wasn’t as dependent, and things that were acceptable before, weren’t acceptable now. She told Sean that she didn’t know much about him since he didn’t talk about his feelings. He said it was difficult building a bond as friends, when all they did was parent the kids, and there were no fun moments. He was becoming more of a roommate. She told him that their home life wasn’t romantic, and that’s why they had the condo. There was nothing sexy about home. He’d promised to put their relationship first, take time to plan activities, go to therapy, and get off the damn phone. His resolve lasted two days, and since she was becoming a better version of herself, she needed him to work on himself. Good luck with that. Sean said she’d rather do anything else than hang out with him. She said he checked out on the phone, and her friends actually engaged with her. In her interview, Braunwyn said instead of addressing issues, she pushed Sean away. Then he would become needy and grab tighter, and she pushed harder. They were back in a weird co-dependent circle, trapped with the kids.  

Elizabeth and brother Andrew discussed their dysfunctional childhood. She said she and Andrew were close, and he always talked her down from the ledge. He was basically her in a man. She told him, Arrowhead sucked balls. Her story of abuse came out, and it seemed unbelievable to people. Andrew said he was dyslexic, and had been beaten almost to death when he was four, because they said he was possessed by demons. An aunt had died in front of them due to an allergic reaction. God was supposed to save her, but she must not have been worth it. In Elizabeth’s interview, she said their mother tried to get them out of it, but every time they escaped, they ended up back there. She told Andrew that she’d never discussed it with their mom; she was afraid it would crush her, but their mother had to face her own truth. Andrew said it took him until his mid-30s, and he couldn’t allow it to affect him any longer. Elizabeth said she had a therapy appointment with a specialist.

Emily went to Gina’s, and wanted the skinny on Arrowhead. Gina said, it was a sh*t show. Braunwyn stayed at a hotel, but Gina thought it was a good decision, since there was booze everywhere. She told Emily that Braunwyn came in hot, and got all annoyed when they were discussing Shannon and John, saying she refused to talk about anyone behind their back. Gina said they’d had a concern, but Braunwyn had definitely talked sh*t behind Shannon’s back. In her interview, Gina said that Braunwyn told them it seemed like Shannon and John were fighting a lot, and that Shannon was drinking too much. She wanted Shannon to have her happy-ever-after, but it didn’t seem to be happening. Emily said she heard Sean got drunk at a golf tournament, and Gina said it was confusing. She got mixed signals from Braunwyn. Emily said if Braunwyn was concerned, she should have called Shannon. Gina said Braunwyn did the exact thing she said she didn’t want to do.

Kelly tried to bond with Jolie during a trip to the beach. In her interview, she said it was good to get out and be free. There was nothing worse than watching Jolie on her phone 24/7; she was on that thing non-stop. We saw clips of Kelly dong the same thing. She told Jolie it made her nuts. Jolie said home was like a prison, and Kelly was strict for no reason. She got no money for chores, but did them anyway, and got straight A’s. She tried so hard. In Kelly’s interview she said she’d grown up in a strict family. Her mom gave her boundaries on the phone, and she had a strict curfew. You had to put parameters on a child in order for them to grow. Kelly told Jolie that she wanted her to succeed, and was hard on her because she knew Jolie could do it. Jolie said Kelly was yelling at her every day, and Kelly promised to work on it. She asked if Jolie liked Rick, and Jolie said he made everything more normal. She’d felt like she was in a bad place, but now she was happier, and in a nice house. She could hang with her friends. Kelly thought Rick was a good influence on both of them. In Jolie’s interview, she said Rick was like a mediator, and balanced them both out. She said her past experiences had given her wisdom, and she wouldn’t change anything, because those were the things that shaped her into the person she is. As crazy-ass as Kelly is, I’ve always thought she must be a decent person because Jolie seems very mature and together. Probably more than me.

Shannon went over to John’s place, and in her interview, she said she hadn’t seen John for two weeks. She was nervous. She asked him to make her a teeny bopper beer pong drink, and I have no idea what that is. She said she was having sleep issues. She’d spent 5 months in quarantine (I think she was confusing the word quarantine with sheltering in place), and thought she was overrun by fear. She’d been drinking a lot, and wasn’t proud of it. She’d been taking things out on John, and felt bad. John said it was hard being together 24/7. In Shannon’s interview, she said when she was married, she’d been reactive, and we flashed back to some of that. She said she was working on it, but still struggled sometimes. During the pandemic, she learned John was committed to the relationship. He could see the positive in a horrible situation, and made her feel loved and wanted.

Gina told Travis about Elizabeth reaching out, and in her interview, she said she didn’t know what to do with what Elizabeth told them. She was shocked and horrified, and felt for her. Travis asked if she was nervous about the kids starting school, and she said she felt bad about Luca starting kindergarten. She was also trying to negotiate a reasonable situation with Matt, but didn’t know what was going to happen after his hearing. He was being charged with a felony. In her interview, she said Matt not taking the plea deal showed he wasn’t accepting responsibility. He wasn’t thinking about the impact it could have on their children in a positive way if he stood up like a man, and took responsibility. She told Travis that Matt rewrote history, and she didn’t think it was going to be over. Travis said the more he wanted to fight, the longer it would take, and Gina said she thought Matt didn’t want it to be true. In more positive news, she was getting back on the road soon.

Apparently, Emily was making the rounds, and visited Elizabeth next. Elizabeth said she felt bad about Braunwyn having her investigated. She could forgive and forget, but she knows she’s weird, so just asks her. She told Emily about how she ended up talking about her childhood trauma in Arrowhead, explaining she’d been raised in a cult, and was sexually abused. Emily thanked Elizabeth for trusting her enough to share. Elizabeth said that was what made her weird, but Emily said they were all weird, and had past things that shaped them. In Emily’s interview, she said, as a child, you don’t know it’s wrong, and psychologically bring it into adulthood. She couldn’t fathom what Elizabeth was dealing with. Elizabeth said she was blessed that they were there to help her. She appreciated what Braunwyn had done, even though Braunwyn confused her. She told Emily that Braunwyn hadn’t been very responsive when they’d FaceTimed. In her interview, she said, that’s why she didn’t open up to anyone, especially women. She said Braunwyn was a hypocrite, and Emily thought Braunwyn was in a selfish place right now. In her interview, Emily said Braunwyn put people down to make herself feel better. Look over there, not at me who’s an effing mess. Elizabeth told Emily that her divorce was final, and Emily asked the $64,000 question – were Elizabeth and Jimmy having sex? Elizabeth said they were, but I’m not so sure what the story is, since they weren’t acting like a couple who finally had sex after waiting a million years.

Shari laughed about Braunwyn’s cup that said, not to brag, but don’t need alcohol to make really bad decisions. I need one of those. In her interview, Braunwyn said Shari was a single mom, and did everything on her own terms. She wanted to be like that. It was easier to talk to Shari, because Shari got her. Sean tried to fix things when she wasn’t asking for help. She just wanted someone to listen. Another friend, Luella, joined them, and in Braunwyn’s interview, she said Luella was the life of the party; unapologetically herself. Sean existed in the place where they were the perfect couple with seven kids, but she needed to move forward. She was surrounding herself with like-minded women, going to two AA meetings a day, working the steps, and had a sponsor.

Shannon and Sophie discussed Sophie going to college, and in Sophie’s interview, she said the culture where they live is more focused on superficial things. She thought it would be beneficial for her overall well-being to be away from it. In Shannon’s interview, she said Sophie was her first born. She couldn’t imagine Sophie not being in the house. She was Shannon’s only child for three years. Sophie was trying to cut the cord more quickly than she anticipated.

Kelly went over to Shannon’s house, and Shannon said she couldn’t believe Sophie was headed for college. Kelly said Jolie was starting high school, and she didn’t know what do. Shannon suggested tequila. Kelly saw a check on the counter that Shannon had casually left out, and Shannon said it was her final payment for 17 years of marriage – $1.4 million. In Kelly’s interview, she wondered why Shannon would show her private business. Golden Retriever Archie, stood in the Jacuzzi, which Shannon said he did all the time. While that isn’t crucial to the recap, it’s worth mentioning because dogs are the best. Kelly asked how Shannon was feeling, and Shannon said covid was hard. She and John had been together 24/7. She was fear driven, and drank a lot. In Kelly’s interview, she said, Shannon goes off on people when she’s drunk. She was Shannon’s punching bag for years. We flashed back to some of that, including Shannon’s plate throw at The Quiet Woman. Kelly said Shannon didn’t recognize she got like that. Kelly told Shannon that Gina was concerned about her and John, but Shannon said, for being so concerned, Gina never picked up the phone once. Kelly told Shannon about Braunwyn maybe divorcing Sean, and how Shari had moved in. In her interview, Kelly said, what is it? She couldn’t get a straight answer, and it was irritating. Braunwyn is always criticizing everybody. It was hypocrisy at its finest, and she couldn’t take it. She told Shannon that it didn’t add up.

Next time, Emily has a party, Elizabeth goes to therapy, Kelly asks Braunwyn what’s going on with Shari, and Shannon is devastated that her relationship isn’t a perfect fairy tale. I guess she didn’t get a clue from the first time around that it doesn’t work that way.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

Meredith told son Brooks that she and his dad had gone to therapy. They learned how to communicate, and not attack each other. Brooks said, too bad they had to go to therapy to find that out. Out of the mouths of babes. Jen was planning a surprise party for Sharrieff’s birthday. In her interview, she said in one of her self-help books, she learned you had to give love to get love. Something I’m sure Brooks would be sad to find out had to be book-learned. She said she’d see if the party brought back a return. I’ll bet she’s one of those people who sends Christmas cards only because she wants to get them. The party was a hip-hop golf theme, which I don’t actually think is a thing. She said she missed Sharrieff, and wanted him to see that they have fun. She told Whitney that she wasn’t inviting Mary. They were cool, but she didn’t need filler people.

We saw all of the fabulous homes Mary and Robert own, and Mary called him to cry about not being invited to Jen’s party. He told her, jealousy is a cruel mistress. In Mary’s interview, she said her other friends were afraid to say something, since they’d seen Jen go off. I still don’t see why their friends with someone who’s such a huge, attention-seeking baby.

Heather’s ex, Billy, crashed her Galentine’s Day with their daughters. In Heather’s interview, she said when she’d  married Billy, all that mattered was that he was Mormon royalty. They married three months in, and when they had to live together, it was apparent they weren’t compatible. He’d asked her to change the time of their daughter’s baptism to suit his sister, and it was the first time she’d said no to him. He moved out. She’d married him because she wanted an eternal family. She was glad they ultimately divorced, but she was still ostracized from the community and totally alone.

Whitney visited Mary, and we saw Mary’s fantabulous closet. Then found out she had clothes in every closet of their 20,000 square foot house. Mary asked Heather what she thought about Jen not inviting her. She said no one had her back. In Mary’s interview, she said she thought the others were scared of Jen. In Whitney’s interview, she said it was uncomfortable being put in the middle, but she wasn’t being a good friend to Mary, and it was making her feel terrible. She told Mary, because they’d ignored it, they created a monster. Well, yeah. If no one ever calls Jen on her behavior, it’s only going to get worse. Duh.

In his interview, Brooks said he found the love stuff with his parents revolting. Inside, he knew they were soulmates, and was glad they were working through their issues, but still, eww! In Meredith’s interview, she said she and Seth had always worked it out for the kids, but this time, there were no kids involved. So they either made it work or not. She thought they would.

Whitney went to visit friend Sarah, who she’d known since high school. They have kids the same age, and both of them left the Mormon church. Whitney said they’d done adulting together. Whitney told Sarah about how her in-laws still had a wedding picture on display of John and his ex. She and John had been married seven years before her in-laws put their picture up, but not only did they still keep the other picture out, the included a picture of his ex with her new husband. She told Sarah about Mary, and Sarah thought she should talk to Jen. Whitney said Jen terrified her, but Sarah said it would just get more toxic if she didn’t say something.

In Lisa’s interview, she said one of her and Seth’s goals was to spend more time with the family. The family went to an aquarium, where they got to personally feed the penguins, which was really cool, no pun intended. While having penguin-shaped pastries afterward, they discussed the line of men’s grooming products the kids came up with – Fresh Wolf. Must be nice to have money.

No surprise, the party was over-the-top. Heather said it was the type of party where she’d be the last to go home. I never want to be that person. Along with a hip-hop stage, a golf green was also available. Whitney and Jen had a dance-off, which Jen won. Whitney thought the right thing to do was talk to Jen so they could move forward, and proceeded to down liquid courage. Heather somehow decided to come along, and she wanted to let Jen know that Meredith and Lisa were talking behind her back. They’d told Mary that they were scared of Jen. In Whitney’s interview, she said when she asked to talk to Jen, she became a deer in headlights. Her words were gone. She babbled nonsensically for so long – at one point, actually starting her speech again from the beginning – that Heather finally just jumped in, and said Lisa and Meredith were afraid of her. This caused Jen to go off, which should be no shock to anyone. Meredith and Lisa wondered what was going on, and joined them.  

Meredith said she’d never had a conversation of significance about Jen with Mary. Since Whitney was on a liquid courage roll, she told Meredith about Jen’s insinuations about her marriage. Meredith said she was done engaging, but in her interview, she said it made her angry. It was no one’s effing business. In Heather’s interview, she said her intention was to be a good sh*t stirrer friend, but she decided to abort the mission and hide in a corner. In Jen’s interview, she said Whitney was 100% drunk trying to mess with her at her husband’s birthday party. Jen finally smashed a glass in the street out front, and said they were out of there. In Lisa’s interview, she said she was surprised Jen didn’t throw Whitney. Stomping up the stairs, Jen took jabs at the balloons tied to the bannister, much like a three-year-old throwing a tantrum. She grabbed son Omar, and they went out to the car, where Omar tried to calm her down. Afterward, Omar went back to the party, and asked Sharrieff what was up with that. In his wisdom, Sharrieff hit the nail on the head, saying, stupid sh*t happens because mom is drinking and doing dumb sh*t.

Next time, Meredith and Lisa go on a double-date with their husbands, Lisa says Whitney is creating a problem, Whitney tells Mary what happened at the party, and Jen splashes the camera in her anger.   

🥀 Sadly, It’s Real This Time…

And sadly, no mention of The Beastmaster. Farewell, Kiri.

https://people.com/movies/tanya-roberts-dead-at-65/

🐎 And I’m Off…

There are no words, so I’ll just leave you with, stay safe, stay keeping it peaceful, and stay not trying to read someone after you’ve had too much liquid courage.