What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Peter lies on the stair landing, blood pooling around his head.

Six hours earlier. Sasha waits for the elevator, while Peter walks into the hospital on the phone. He asks why they’re not returning his calls. He says something about the spa, but the automatic doors are so LOUD that I can’t hear it. He says he just arrived at GH. Meet him on the 7^th floor. Sasha gets into the elevator, and Peter yells, hold it, please. He gets in and says, seventh floor, please. Sasha presses the button, and they stand on opposite sides of the car, arms folded. He asks if Sasha is tired of taking the stairs, and she says, excuse me? He says he saw her earlier, slipping into the stairwell with Brando.

Maxie says if she tells Spinelli, he has to promise to never tell another soul. He promises not to betray her confidence. Is something amiss with little Louise? She says, no, Louise is great. Healthy and kicking up a storm. He says, she told him that once Louise is born, she might not be able to hold her; that she’d have to say goodbye before she said hello. What did she mean? What’s going to happen to Louise?

Britt and Jason get back to the lighthouse, and Britt says, it’s cold. She starts to put some wood in the fireplace, and says she’s glad they found that radio station. Sometimes, you just need some good old rock and roll. It puts you in a good mood, without all the depressing things going on in the world. It’s not like there isn’t enough tragedy to go around. The violence, the conflict, the natural disasters. People face tragedy every day. What difference does it make if one more person gets a terminal diagnosis?

Trooper Finchley (my bad yesterday; he didn’t introduce himself, and I’d forgotten him) tells Sonny, Elijah Crowe’s office was broken into the other night, and Sonny asks what that has to do with him. Finchley says, Eli claims Sonny and Nina are behind it. Sonny says, Nina is with Elijah right now; they’re on a date. So if he’s accusing her of breaking into his office, she’s… Sonny starts to walk toward the door, but Finchley stops him, and says he only has Sonny’s word that Nina is with Eli. He’ll have to question her about the break-in, after he interviews Sonny. They can do it there, or down at the station, whichever he’d prefer.

Eli hands Nina a drink, and she says, so this is the famous Founder’s Day signature cocktail, and he says, brings back good memories of past Founder’s Days with Lenny and Phyllis. Unfortunately, when he went to order it, the jerk next to him called it a Nixon’s Folly. She says, maybe because of the downturn in the economy, and takes a sip. She says, but this drink is still really delicious. He thanks her for agreeing to go out with him again. He didn’t think she would. She asks, why? Because he had to cut their last date short? He had a really good reason; his office was broken into. He says, not just that. He wasn’t sure if their interest in each other was mutual, since she and Mike/Sonny seem to be a team.

Carly asks Trent, how’s Frank? and he says, Frank seems to be a little out of it, but told him what he remembers, which isn’t much. She asks, what happened? and he says Frank told him there was a commotion in the stairwell. He went to check it out, and someone got him. She says, they took Gladys. Dammit. He says he’s sorry. What does she want to do now? She says they have to get Gladys back.

Brando tells Cyrus, what the hell? Another guy comes in, and pats Brando down. Brando says, it’s in his back, and the guy takes Brando’s gun and leaves. Brando says he guesses Cyrus doesn’t need this, tossing the envelope he was holding on the floor. Gladys tries talking, but her voice is muffled, and Cyrus says he thinks she’s trying to tell Brando something. He wonders what it could be. That she was about to betray him? Gladys says something else, and Cyrus says he thinks that’s what it is.

Britt tells Jason that his dressing probably needs changing. She forgot. He gets a bullet hole in his side, and it doesn’t slow him down. He makes up his mind, and he powers through. She’d ask him for pointers, but what good would that do? She can’t power her way through Huntington’s with a good mental attitude. Sorry. He says, for what? and she says, talking about something that can’t be changed, that she doesn’t even want to think about. What good would it do? They both know where this is headed. Losing the ability to control her movements, twitching and jerking rigidity in her muscles, impaired walking and balance, and at some point she’ll lose complete independence, and need constant care. She won’t know how to speak anymore or swallow, and after years of that, she’ll die. He says, go on, and she says, go on what? He says, keep talking, and she says, because he won’t? What does he want her to say?

Nina says, Eli thinks of her and Mike as a team? A team of what? A tennis team? Bowling? He says, it just seems like they’re close, and Nina says, Mike pours her a cup of coffee in the morning, and pours her a glass of wine in the evening. That’s about as close as she and Mike get. He asks if she’s sure, because Mike is circling the drain, and he’d hate to see her go down with him. She says she has no idea what he’s talking about, and he says, Mike is the one who broke into his office. She asks why he’d think that. What could Mike possibly want in his office? He says Just Mike has been in his face since the day they met. Maybe he wanted some fast cash, or just to mess with Eli’s head; it doesn’t matter. State troopers are investigating. They’re questioning Mike as they speak.

Lenny returns to the Tan-O and asks, what’s going on? Is there a problem? Finchley says, there wouldn’t be if Mike/Sonny would answer some questions, but Sonny/Mike says, they don’t have time. Nina is in trouble because of Elijah. 

Trent tells Carly, they’re searching all of Cyrus’s properties… that they know of. She asks what that means, and he says, the guy is good at covering his tracks. He uses shell companies to cover his real estate purchases. They watch him, but he’s got places they don’t know about. She says, they’re going to have to find those places, because Gladys can exonerate Jason, and tie Cyrus to obstruction charges that will get his ass thrown back in jail. Not to mention, she promised she’d keep Gladys safe. She’s got to find her. He says he’ll be back, and she tells him to check the security feed. She needs him in touch with her every twenty minutes, because she needs to know what’s going on.

Sasha asks if Peter is keeping tabs on her, but he says he was just surprised to see she was still at the hospital. She says she didn’t realize her whereabouts were any of his business. The elevator doors open, and she tells him, have a nice day, and strides out. Peter flashes back to talking to Cyrus about seeing Sasha with Brando, and tells himself to stay focused. He has more important things to worry about.

Maxie says she has a plan to protect Louise from Peter, and Spinelli says, excellent. He’s at her service. His phone rings, and he says, it’s Carly. They’ve been working together to uncover evidence of Peter’s crimes. Maxie tells him to take it; Carly might know something that can help them. Spinelli says, greetings, and Carly says, something’s come up; she needs him. He asks if it can wait.

Willow sees Sasha at the hospital, and Sasha asks how she is. How’s Chase? Willow says, unfortunately, Chase’s symptoms are pretty severe. They haven’t been able to diagnose him yet, but he’s desperate to be released. Dr. Finn agreed, but only because Michael said Chase could stay at the Quartermaines’, where he can be monitored 24/7. Sasha says, that sounds like Michael, and Willow says she knows; he’s always so helpful. She asks if Sasha is there for an appointment, and when Sasha hesitates, Willow asks if everything is okay. Sasha says Willow will hear about it soon enough. In fact, Lucy is planning to build an ad campaign around it. Willow asks if Sasha is pregnant.

Brando asks what his mother did, and Cyrus says, mommy dearest went over to the other side. Carly convinced her to go to the police with information that was damaging to him. He stoops down and puts his face near Gladys’s, and says he can’t imagine what Carly offered in exchange for it, but he wonders if it has something to do with the fact that Sasha is carrying Brando’s child.

Sonny says he doesn’t have any proof yet. He talked to a couple people in Corinth, where Eli did some real estate deal with the strip mall. He got some information. Lenny says, like what? and Sonny says, Elijah was behind the vandalism at the hardware store and the Tan-O, and he also paid the thugs to rob the firehouse dance. So because of Elijah, nobody is coming into Nixon Falls to live or do business. Lenny says, Elijah loves living here. He’d have no reason to destroy Nixon Falls. Sonny says, that’s what he does. He drives down the real estate prices through vandalism and robbery, then turns around and buys property below market value, and sells them right to the developers. If Lenny had sold Eli the Tan-O, he’d have made it a restaurant chain. Finchley says they can chat about business another time. He has questions about the break-in at Eli’s office. Sonny tells Lenny, Eli is accusing him and Nina of breaking into his office, and he’s with Nina right now. Lenny says, and he thinks Nina is in danger? and Sonny says, yes. Lenny asks Finchley what it will take for him to let Mike/Sonny go, and Finchley says, Elijah claims Mike and Nina broke into his office the evening of May 13^th, between 8 and 9 pm. If he has an alibi, he’ll walk out; no harm, no foul. Sonny says he was at the Tan-O, remember? and Lenny says he can’t remember what he had for lunch, never mind a few days ago. Lenny says he’ll check the logs, and be right back.

Nina asks if Eli has any proof that Mike was the one who broke into his office, and he says, not much, but he suspects if the police do a deep dive into Mike’s past, they’ll find out it’s less than spotless. She says, all she knows is, Lenny and Phyllis really trust Mike. They’re letting him stay above the Tan-O, like they did Eli. Does he have any information the rest of them don’t know? He says, only that Mike’s not the friend they all think. Like he said, his instincts are working overtime. If he’s wrong, he’ll apologize to Mike. Nina says she’ll hold him to that, and he says he really didn’t want to spend all their time together talking about Mike. Come on. He wants to show her a pond nearby, where bullfrogs sit on lily pads for real. (I want to go too!) She says, it sounds interesting, and he says she’ll love it. He holds out his hand, Nina takes it, and they walk off.

Britt says she could go to a lecture about how she could take care of her health before she gets sick; or she could join a Huntington’s group online, and share her story; raise funds for research. One woman actually wrote on the Huntington’s website about how she didn’t want to have kids, and now she doesn’t have to worry about passing along the gene. The one child Britt carried wasn’t actually hers, so she guesses she found the silver lining.

Spinelli says he’s in the middle of something with Maxie, but Carly says, this could actually help Maxie. She needs him to find Gladys, so she can testify that it was actually Peter who killed Franco. He says he sees, and she tells him to meet her at the MetroCourt in room 808. Maxie says, it sounded important, and he says, it was. Carly may have found a way to bring charges against Peter. She says, that’s great, and he asks what about her plan to keep her baby safe from Peter? She says, if he can help Carly put Peter in prison, then she can actually (WOTD) relax at the spa, and not worry about bringing Louise into the world. He says, sounds like an excellent plan, and soon she’ll be holding that precious baby in her arms. She tells him to give James and Georgie a kiss for her, and he hugs her. He tells her to take care of herself, and that soon-to-be bundle of joy. She says she will, and he leaves.

Peter sees Chloe, and asks what took her so long. Maxie is leaving for the spa tonight. She says the longer he spends time yelling at her, the longer it will take to get what they need. He says, stop with the attitude, or he’ll find someone else to handle the situation. She says, at this late date? Maxie is going to pop at any minute. The kid will arrive whether he’s there or not. He tells her to do what she needs to do. Just make it quick.

Spinelli gets to Glady’s room, and asks Carly, what happened here? She says, Spinelli, thank God. She was keeping Gladys safe, or so she thought. Gladys was going to recant her statement about seeing Jason ditch the murder weapon outside of Franco’s studio, and testify that she actually saw Peter do it. He says, that’s most welcome news indeed; what changed her mind? She says, Cyrus was targeting Brando, and the only way for Gladys to keep herself and her son safe, was to make sure Cyrus went to prison. Carly had her there, while Diane was at the PCPD negotiating an immunity deal, but clearly, Gladys is gone. He asks if it was Peter or Cyrus, and she says she doesn’t know. They’re obviously working together. She doesn’t know if Gladys had her phone on her, or the kidnappers dumped it somewhere… He tells her, say no more, and sits down, opening his laptop.

Britt tells Jason, a lot of Huntington’s carriers think a cure will be found before the disease manifests. She was never an optimist. She sits down, and he sits next to her, saying, it could be years, or decades before the symptoms manifest. She says she never thought of him as an optimist either, but he says he’s a realist, and right now, she doesn’t have any symptoms. She’s strong – she nods – she’s healthy, and she has a clear mind. Right now, that’s a lot. He can’t tell her to appreciate this moment, but he knows he does.

Finchley says, those are pretty serious allegations Mike/Sonny made against Eli. He and Nina talked to people in Corinth? Sonny says, there’s nothing illegal about that, and Finchley says, true, but it is illegal to break into someone’s office, and hack into his computer. Sonny says he’s just a bartender. He doesn’t know anything about computers. Finchley says, maybe; maybe not. He better hope Lenny comes up with an alibi for him. Finchley’s phone rings, and he says, Finchley… He’s on his way. He tells Sonny that he’ll be back later to take their statements. There’s an open fire hydrant on Maple that he has to investigate. He leaves, and Lenny comes back. He tells Sonny, neither he nor Phyllis were working the night Eli’s office was broken into. Sonny was there alone. That’s why he opened up the hydrant, to get rid of Finchley.

Nina says Eli is right; this is lovely. He says, isn’t it? Great weather, wonderful musical backdrop, and perfect company. She says she’s sure the other Founder’s Day revelers are going to join them soon. She just hopes no more armed robbers come to terrorize them. He asks why she’d think that, and she says, no reason. It just seems to be a pattern these days; vandalized stores, terrified residents. Suddenly, Nixon Falls seems like a dangerous place. He grabs her arm, startling her.

Sasha tells Willow, this pregnancy was definitely unplanned. Like she said, Lucy is thinking of incorporating it into a Deception campaign. She only just started to tell people. Carly knows. She asks Willow to promise not to tell Michael. She wants him to hear about it from her. Willow says, of course (🍷). She won’t keep Sasha from her check-up. She starts to leave, and Sasha says, wait. She just realized how that must have sounded. Michael is not the father. She knows Willow is with Chase now, but they’re Wiley’s parents, and she just wants to be clear. Wiley isn’t getting a sibling. Willow says, good, and Sasha says, at the moment, she can’t tell Willow who the father is. The situation is… complicated.

Brando says, Sasha told Cyrus, the baby isn’t his, but Cyrus says, Sasha is lying, probably to protect Brando. Tell him, did Brando and Sasha sleep together to defy him because Brando knows he has a soft spot for Sasha? Brando says Cyrus has a soft spot for the woman he almost killed? and Cyrus says, they’ve already discussed Brando’s inability to follow his orders. Is it because he’s been confiding in her; pillow talk, shall they say? He’s sure Sasha has already told Brando to stop working for him. Brando tells Cyrus, get to the point. What does Cyrus want in exchange for letting his mother go?

Chloe tells Peter, they’re all set. Everything they need is in her bag, and ready to go. He says, and it’s safe for a pregnant woman, especially at this late stage? She says she told him a thousand times already, she’s not taking any chances with his child. She can only imagine what he’d do to her if things went wrong. He says, good, and no one was suspicious? She says she used to work with the pharmacist on call tonight, so she was able to use her real name and nursing accreditation. She’ll deliver his baby girl to him. He says, and they’ll start a new life together; him, Maxie, and their child.

Maxie packs, and asks Louise if she’s ready for a little adventure. She’s glad she didn’t tell Spinelli the truth. He would have just told her how dangerous her plan is, and would have told her to use his computer skills to sabotage Peter. They don’t have time for that. She makes a call, and asks Bobbie if she’s okay. She’ll meet her in Beecher’s Corners. She thanks Bobbie, and calls the spa. She says she booked the babymoon package with them. She’s calling to make sure her baby nurse is all set to be pampered too. Can they confirm that Chloe Jennings is booked for the deluxe mani/pedi, full body scrub, and two-hour ultimate transcendence? Generous? No. Nurse Jennings has been so good to her. She just wants to return the favor. On another call, she looks outside, and says, good. Both burner phones are working… No, she’s not paranoid. Peter could be monitoring her and it’s important they use a burner phone too. She has the nurse all set with spa treatments. She’s going to pretend her water broke, and convince the staff she’s going to the hospital. Will Brook be able to ditch Yuri, her bodyguard?… Okay, don’t blow it… No, she doesn’t doubt Brook’s skills. She’s a great liar, and has the gold medal in subterfuge. Maxie picks up a stuffed toy and says she’ll be fine, because if the choice is to give her precious baby girl to Brook or Peter, there is no choice. She’ll see Brook soon. She puts the toy on top of her luggage, and says, we can do this, right? She thinks she felt a kick of agreement, and says, she thinks it’s going to be hard for both of them, but it’s worth it to keep Louise safe.

Willow asks if Sasha and the father are on good terms, and Sasha says, excellent terms. He’s a wonderful guy, but there are circumstances that make this pregnancy difficult for them. Willow asks if that means they’re a couple, and Sasha says, like everything else with this pregnancy, they’re still figuring that part out.

Gladys has managed to get her hands untied and rips the duct tape off her mouth. She says she didn’t do anything. She did everything Cyrus told her to do. Cyrus’s guy suddenly appears again, and Cyrus says, shut her up. He says, permanently? and Cyrus, Brando, and Gladys all say, no. Cyrus says he’s going to leave that for Brando to take care of.

Carly thanks someone on the phone, and Spinelli says, any luck? She says, someone hacked into the MetroCourt surveillance system to create a loop to run when Gladys was taken. Spinelli says, let him guess, the camera showed the bodyguard outside the room the entire time. Does she want him to trace that? She says, no. They have to find Gladys. Any luck locating her phone? They hear a beep from under the bed, and Spinelli says, that page is Gladys’s phone. Whoever kidnapped Gladys was smart enough to relieve her of her phone. Carly reaches under the bed, and says, not as smart as he might think. She gave Gladys a burner phone, and it wasn’t under the bed with this one. He says, give him the number, and they’re back in business. He knows they’ll find her.

Britt says, Jason actually has feelings. Who would have guessed? He says, don’t tell anybody, and for the first time ever, Jason makes me laugh. She says, cross her heart and hope to die… There’s that word again. He says, it happens to all of us, you know? She says she does know, but her death comes with all kinds of fun side effects. Turns out, she lied. He asks what she lied about, and she says, why she went through with the test. She chokes back tears, and says, she told herself it was because the not knowing was torture, and that was true, but deep down, she convinced herself if she was brave enough to take the test, she’d be rewarded with the result she wanted. She’d find out she didn’t have the genetic marker for Huntington’s Disease, and that she had the rest of her life in front of her. He says, she still does.

Sonny asks if Lenny believes him about Eli, and understands that Nina is in trouble, but Lenny says he doesn’t know what to think about the stuff Mike/Sonny is accusing Eli of. Sonny says he knows Lenny and Phyllis care about Eli, but if Lenny doesn’t believe him, why did he let the trooper go? Lenny says, if Sonny is right, and Nina gets hurt, he’d never forgive himself. Neither would Phyllis. He asks if Sonny has any idea where Eli might have taken Nina, and Sonny says, she told him something about a barbecue. He goes over to the bar, and picks up his phone. He says he was trying to look it up, when the trooper interrupted. Where could Eli have taken Nina?

Eli brushes back Nina’s hair, and says he’s sorry. He just noticed her earrings. They’re the same ones she was wearing the other night. She says, excuse me? and touches them like you know you do when you’re checking to remember which ones you’re wearing. He says, on their date. After the break-in, she came back to his office to find the one she lost. She says, that’s right. Her brother gave them to her, so naturally, she wouldn’t want to lose one. He says, that makes sense. Does her brother live in Port Charles? She says, no. Her brother is dead. He was shot. Murdered. Eli says he’s so sorry; he had no idea. She says she couldn’t help but think of her brother when the shooting broke out at the firehouse dance. They already talked about all the terrible things that have happened in Nixon Falls, so tell her; why does he think this is happening? He asks if she thinks he had something to do with these crimes, and she says she didn’t say that. She thinks it’s time they got back to the barbecue. She starts to walk, and he puts out his hand to stop her. She drops her purse, and the papers she copied fall out. I know hindsight is 20/20, but since she was meeting Eli, she might have left those at the Tan-O. He says, look at this. Printouts from his office computer. How do you like that?

Maxie opens the door to Chloe, and Chloe asks how Maxie and the little baby bump are doing. Maxie says, fine, and she can’t wait for their babymoon. Chloe says, her too. She parked the car in front of the building, and she didn’t want Maxie to do any unnecessary walking, so she brought this. She pushes in a wheelchair, and Maxie says, no. She does not need a wheelchair. Chloe says she didn’t want to say anything, but she noticed Maxie’s blood pressure was still high. If she refuses the wheelchair, she’ll have to tell Peter, and Maxie knows what that means. Maxie says, he’ll put her in the hospital, and tell Dr. Navarro to induce labor. This is blackmail. Chloe says, call it what she will, but it’s her job to protect Maxie and the baby. So no wheelchair, no spa.

Carly leans over Spinelli’s shoulder, and says, anything? He says, this kind of work requires intense focus, and hovering creates the opposite. She says, sorry. He knows how important this is, right? He says, no one wants Peter arrested and charged more than he does. Maxie and her baby will not be safe until he’s incarcerated. She says, the best way for that to happen is for Gladys to say she saw Peter ditch the murder weapon. They have to find her.

Cyrus thanks his guy, and says he can leave the premises. He’ll let Brando handle it from here. Brando says, handle it how? and Cyrus tells him, don’t be obtuse. He knows perfectly well that Gladys has become a liability. If Brando takes care of it, at least he knows her demise was accomplished as painlessly as possible. Brando says he’s not killing his mother, and Cyrus says, Gladys is going to die. If not by him, by someone who’s more loyal to him than Brando is. And if that happens, Sasha dies as well, along with his unborn child. Brando says, he wouldn’t, and Cyrus says, try me, which is the standard reply.

Britt asks if Jason is insensitive or just plain cruel. The life she has ahead of her is slow deterioration leading to an inevitable death. He says, or she could get hit by a bus tomorrow. She says, there’s not a lot of bus traffic here, and he says, a hundred million things could happen before she starts to show symptoms. Amazing things, disappointing things, but there’s no way to predict because that’s not how life works. The future’s an idea; it’s not a guarantee. The only thing they know is that it won’t go according to plan. She laughs, then laugh/cries, and he says, so why not make the most of it for most of the time she has?

Maxie gets in the wheelchair, and says, happy now? Chloe says, very, and thanks her. Maxie says she’s not spending her babymoon in this wheelchair, just so Chloe knows. Chloe tells Maxie that she really needs to calm down. She prepares a syringe of… something, and says, Maxie knows stress isn’t good for the baby. Maxie says she’s calm. She’s feeling very Zen right now. Well, she was before Chloe showed up with this completely unnecessary wheelchair. She feels Chloe giving her a shot, and says, what the…? and passes out.

On the phone, Peter says he needs a chopper, fueled and ready to go at the private heliport in somewhere. Keep it available. He’ll let them know the specifics later. There will be three traveling; two adults, and one infant.

Lenny says, Elijah took Nina to a barbecue… They’re at the Nixon Falls Founder’s Day Picnic. Sonny asks where it’s at, and Lenny says, Nixon Falls Park. Sonny asks if he’s sure, and Lenny says, Elijah loved attending the Founder’s Day Picnic when he was living here. Now go. Bring Nina home. Sonny jets out the door.

Nina says, these papers are the various payouts in Eli’s scheme to drive down the real estate prices. He says he’s hurt by her lack of faith in him. These documents are A, private and privileged, and B, don’t prove a damn thing. She snatches back the paper from his hand, and says they’ll let the police decide. She starts to walk away, but he grabs her arm and says, she didn’t think it would be that easy, did she? She struggles, but he won’t let go.

Spinelli says, got it, and Carly grabs her phone, saying she loves him. She’s bringing Jason home. She calls Trent, and asks if he has the team ready. She knows where Gladys is.

Cyrus says Brando’s mother is a parasite. All she cares about is money. She sells herself to the highest bidder, regardless of the consequences. She told Sonny and his family that Brando was dead. Brando traveled halfway across the country, just to avoid her. Don’t tell him her life suddenly has value to Brando now, especially as it compares to Sasha’s, and his unborn child. Brando thinks for half a second, and holds out his hand. Cyrus gives him a gun, and he walks over to Gladys, who’s crying and shaking her head. Cyrus smiles.

Sasha tells Willow, she doesn’t really know the baby’s father all that well, and Willow says Sasha told her he was wonderful. Sasha says, he is. They started off as friends. She guesses she was really attracted to him; they used to flirt like crazy. Willow says, and one thing led to another? and Sasha says, you could put it like that. She thinks they could be really good together, and he does too. Willow says, after the sacrifices Sasha and Chase made for her and Michael so they could keep Wiley, she deserves to be happy. Whatever that looks like for her.

Brando aims the gun at Gladys, and she cowers. Cyrus continues to smile, and Brando suddenly turns, aiming the gun at him.

Jason says, the test tells Britt that she has the genetic marker, but it doesn’t tell her how she’s going to die. It doesn’t tell her how she’s going to live. Only she can decide that. She says, just treat every day as a gift. He brushes her hair back, but not in a creepy way like Eli did with Nina. They kiss. And kiss some more.

Tomorrow, Brook says, it’s a disaster waiting to happen; Valentin says, everything is coming together; Ava tells Nikolas, they have to take Cyrus out; Cyrus regrets to inform Brando, he failed his final test; and Britt asks Jason if he’s sure about this.

The Real Housewives of New York City

I missed the first two minutes, in which Sonja had a meltdown over Wells Fargo. LuAnn left the scene, and in her interview, said she couldn’t watch Sonja go down same rabbit hole she did. Sonja was only going to change if Sonja wanted to change. Eboni said Sonja was married to her story, which I thought was pretty accurate. Leah said Sonja couldn’t communicate when she got upset, and it was a lot. The next morning, Ramona had to explain to Sonja that she’d had a tough night. Leah talked to Sarah about their grandmother’s illness, saying their grandmother seemed like a huge burden on her mom, but not so much for the two of them. Eboni talked about her grandmother to her mom, who needed to make a decision about a feeding tube. Eboni’s mom said her grandmother’s life had become about quantity, not quality, and Eboni was concerned her mom was trying to put the decision on her. Ramona reminded Sonja about her Wells Fargo rant, but Sonja stuck to her guns, saying, it was her daughter’s future. In Ramona’s interview, she said, Sonja was making no sense. Where Eboni’s daughter got her mortgage wasn’t going to affect Sonja’s daughter’s lifestyle. She thought Garth bothered Sonja, and Sonja said Garth was driving her nuts. Ramona finally wheedled out of Sonja that she was afraid to be alone. Sonja was also discussed at length among the women the next day.

Leah told the caterer that she didn’t know how the woman worked for Ramona; she was such a bitch. Then Leah bitched at Ramona about being a bitch. She said Ramona was so rude and fake, she couldn’t handle it. Garth paid the women a visit for a morning workout. In Sonja’s interview, she said she was happy for LuAnn, but Garth was not the greatest thing since sliced bread. Ramona thought LuAnn had done well for herself. She and Sonja joined LuAnn for the workout, and in her interview, Sonja said, first, she had to hear about Garth; now she had to work out with him. Couldn’t she just go to the kitchen, and grab doughnut? Leah and Eboni opted for beauty treatments, and Leah told Eboni that she was going to take a vow of silence until 6 pm. Eboni said she’d be the voice for the voiceless, and explained to the others that Leah needed some self-care, and wasn’t speaking. In Sonja’s interview, she said she understood. She should have taken one 20 years ago with Ramona.

The women took a limo to an oyster farm, and on the way, there was a whole bit whoop-de-doo about Tom, with Sonja saying he was her bald guy. Finally, LuAnn had enough, and said Sonja had been a one-night stand. Tom hadn’t married Sonja, and he was never Sonja’s guy. Then Sonja moved on to Harry (will we never get rid of him?), while Ramona, Leah, and Eboni texted each other. Eboni said she thought Sonja didn’t feel valued, and in her interview, said she thought Sonja needed affirmation about the woman she is, not a supposed friend saying she was only good for a one-night stand. In LuAnn’s interview, she said she got that Sonja was in a bad place, but don’t ruin her party. In Sonja’s interview, she said she felt like chopped liver whenever a new guy came into LuAnn’s life. Yep. I knew women like that in my single/dating days. I was never like that though. During the day on Saturday was always for friends. In Eboni’s interview, she said what was bizarre about this friend group was that they’d go at it, and five minutes later were like, I love you. Leah tried to convey that she’d accidentally said thank you to the driver, but finally just told them. Eboni said she was bad at charades, and in Leah’s interview, she said, she was not a mimer. The oyster farm it was more beautiful than you’d think it would be. They were shown the various types of oysters, including ones that stuck together. LuAnn said that’s how Ramona and Sonja woke up, and in the most disgusting comment possibly ever, Sonja said, stuck together and crusty. In her interview, Ramona was just like, eww! After learning oyster facts, the women were taught how to shuck them. The shucking master told Ramona that it was more a matter of patience than brute strength, as she tried to pry an oyster open with her teeth. Not really, but that would have been fun to see. In her interview, she said now she knew why they’re so expensive. When 6 pm hit, Leah told everyone, if she seemed weird, it was because she was struggling with something. She was nervous about Heather coming, since she didn’t know Heather. They’d only met for five minutes in the Berkshires. She talked about the women in the press, saying nasty things. She wondered if later on, Heather would talk about her or Eboni. Ramona said Heather had a good heart. She was a good mother, a businesswoman, and had been married a long time. Eboni said being a good mother always made everything all right. She’s a raving lunatic bitch, but she’s a good mom. Ramona dropped the bombshell that Heather would be staying over.

Ramona hosted a Breakfast at Tiffany’s dinner, and the table was gorgeous, with white feathers and pearls. Heather arrived, and since everyone was dressing up, she asked Sonja with help crafting her updo, but Sonja declined. In her interview, Sonja said that was the last thing she was going to do after Heather had talked about her. Next, Heather would want Sonja to carry her luggage. Because of all the flack, Ramona relegated Heather to the downstairs, and in Heather’s interview, she said she’d been banished to the dungeon, but it was okay. She liked a little separation. Everyone dressed in black with pearls, except for Leah, who wore a black and white Versace dress. In her interview, Ramona said Leah was a rebel, but it was all good, since it was Versace. After Ramona downed some secret shots, the bartender told her to pace herself. After they sat down to dinner, the subject of podcasts was brought up, and Heather said she’d just launched podcast. In Leah’s interview, she said if she showed up in a house full of women she’d trashed on her podcast, she’d be shying away from that word. This was all Leah needed to pull up receipts on her phone, reading from articles about what Heather said, including the suggestion that LuAnn did hard drugs. In Heather’s interview, she said she’d gone into the lion’s den, and for some reason, was being ambushed. The funniest part was that no one listened to the podcast. LuAnn was bothered that Heather had talked about her like that, but Heather said some crap about it being taken out of context, and changed the topic to Leah having told her that they were painting a naked man. She asked if it was Garth, and at the mention of his name, all was well with LuAnn. LuAnn said, it wasn’t Garth, but a male model would be the subject. Then the dinner table talk turned to sex, and Ramona wondered who talked about things like that. Not her. She still had elegance and class.

Next time, the party continues, Ramona demands to know why they’re talking about d*cks, the women have a painting lesson, Eboni and LuAnn argue, and Leah calls everyone a ho’.  Here a ho’, there a ho’, everywhere a ho’, ho’. Sorry. I just have to every time I hear that.

🗽 I actually have my own Heather story. I used to enter a lot of contests, and some radio station had one for a pass to a cocktail party some local celebrities would be at, including Heather and Kristen Taekman, who was also on RHONY at the time. Supposedly, they were friends. I won, and dragged my husband along to the Manhattan hotel where the event was happening, which had a fabulous view of the city. They served appetizers, and had an open bar, both of which were top notch. The white wine was excellent, and I wondered if it was Ramona’s but I never did find out. Anyway, Heather never showed. Kristen did though, and she was a lot of fun, answering questions, and being genuine and gracious. So I agree. Pfft! on Heather.

🦦 Logging Off…

Tomorrow, those wacky women from New Jersey will be continuing their relentless pursuit of an analogy, as well as more screeching from LisaR of Beverly Hills. So until we all need to put in earplugs, stay safe, stay indomitable, and stay knowing you deserve to be happy. Whatever that looks like for you.